I’m re-reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone and Im in the bit where McGonagall gave the Nimbus 2000 to Harry and how happy he was and I just thought that maybe she thought that was what James would do if he had known that his son became the youngest seeker in over 100 years and goddammit the Potters died so young and even if the broom didn’t came from his father at least he would still have it because she loved that troublemaker and she’d be dammed if she didn’t make Harry happy and this is waht keeps me awake at night guys
I’ve got something to tell you guys. Basically my school’s starting tomorrow, and that means I won’t be able to post as much as I’ve posted during my break. Don’t worry,I’ve got queue on, that should keep this blog active.
This is my last year and I really need to get good grades for just another month and when this month ends, I’ll be back on tumblr and I’ll be posting as much as I can.
So, for now, just bare with it, and I guess wish me luck! I’ll try to do those tiny chats sometimes,when I’m tests free but I don’t think that’ll be done up until Wednesday .
its a little early in the day to be writing this but im gonna be too busy with work and school later to type it up so here it is preemptively. this year has been one of such wild growth for me. i realized today that i am living the exact life i feared i would when i decided to move out this time last year. i am so constantly worried and busy and active in everything. i dont have enough time for myself. i am stretched thin over work school activism friends family art and somehow finding a way to pay bills. i remember being so afraid that i wouldnt be able to just go home and watch tv or play video games for the weekend. i remember being afraid that i, with all my issues, woudlnt be able to handle the responsibility of living independently because i am sensitive and fragile. and sometimes it is too much to handle. sometimes i curl up in the shower and feel the weight of existence smothering me and sometimes i cry and sometimes i dont check my email for a couple of days. but most of the times i am fine. i wish i could send this to my past self to tell her i will be fine. i adapt and cope and am so wrapped up in living that i dont have time to dwell on it at all. ive had moments of such intense stress and grief and heart ache but there has yet to be a challenge i couldnt somehow overcome. now i simply dont have time to wallow in my mental illnesses, which isnt to say im not affected by them anymore, but when i dont have any other choice but to pull up my pant legs and get to work because i will not be able to live if i dont, i simply no longer have the time to focus on wow i am so anxious or wow i am so depressed. even on days i wished i were dead i kept on going i am very proud of myself and the new directions i have sprouted. even if im always worried about something, i am also more spiritual more fulfilled and more happy than i have ever been. i have developed a beautiful supportive aware community and environment around me. i am surrounded by people who want me to succeed and i want to succeed so badly myself. im sure that this next upcoming year i will stabilize even more and ill be surprised by myself all over again too. life is ok! i am ok! now i really need to go study! bye bye internet im logging off