now i know why i'm an alcoholic

How do you feel about him now?”
I paused at this unexpected question, and inhaled some vapour to give myself time to think of a suitable answer. I briefly considered lying, before realising that my alcohol-clouded brain had no choice but to be honest.
“I don’t really know. I loved him. And he didn’t love me. Or maybe he did to begin with, but he certainly didn’t when it ended. So I’ve trained myself not to love him. Life’s too short to waste time longing for someone who’s never going to want you.
—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #2 // vapour
Remember the first time I told you I love you?
And you asked me why
Like you couldn’t comprehend why or how someone could love you
At the time I couldn’t understand why myself
But now I think I know why
You made me feel alive when I felt like dying
You made me feel safe when I was surrounded by evil
You’re arms were a home that I never wanted to leave
And your lips were like liqueur and now I’m an alcoholic
You made me feel wanted and cared for
You gave my butterflies and made my pulse go insane even when I was numb
You made me laugh like no other
And made me smile like a kid on Christmas
You made me feel invincible
You made me feel like I was high off my ass while sober
I fell in love with the way you looked at me
Because baby those eyes are my world
I love you because we never had awkward silences
We had the type of connection where you could just look at the other person and understand all of their hurt and reasoning
I love you because we were comfortable around each other
We’re both a little kinking and a little different
And we both have these demons in our heads that no one else can comprehend
And even though I know you don’t love me
Even though I know we missed our chance
Even though you fucked me over
I still love you
God fucking damnit I love you
How could you be so fucking blind to that
I gave you my all
Because I fell in love with your soul
And I’m still in love with the monster you’ve become.
—  7.14.15 (del-u-sion-al) 10:15am

Why I’m feeling good about Swan Queen endgame right now:

1) Emma literally made every possible excuse she could think of in that icky scene to get out of being “stabbed” by H00k’s “sword”. That was NOT the behavior of a woman in love driven mad by passion! She is still uncomfortable about sex with him, and I suspect the reasons will unfold later this season.

2) Emma blatantly lied to H00k when they were drinking at Granny’s. She didn’t just tell him a little white lie that she was okay. She lied big time and told him she went to see Archie (um…seems rather late and sudden to be having an appointment with the therapist, no?) and that everything was okay. Granted, you can tell that H00k is not totally buying it, but nonetheless, this shows that Emma is still holding back from being completely open with him. Their relationship does NOT have a solid foundation of trust.

3) Regina’s monologue, man. I made a much shorter post about it earlier tonight in my haste and excitement, but watching it again just really makes it all so much clearer! When Regina says that some see her as a hero, it’s no coincidence that they show Emma. And when she says, “I see my strength,” they show Emma staring at her trembling hand - showing her weakness. They are deliberately setting Emma and Regina up to be foils of one another. While Emma has been Regina’s savior, now it’s looking like it’s time for Regina to finally save Emma. And the cherry on top? The True Love Theme played over that whole sequence! But as soon as the scene shifted away from Emma and back to Regina and Snow on the bench, the music changes back to normal again. Lastly, Regina vows to start a new story - one that has a better ending than her last. Can we say SWAN QUEEN?!?!

The signs as things my friends have said at two a.m.

Aries: Am I the only one concerned with how much alcohol this dog has imbibed? 

Taurus: Why is the past tense of “grab” “grabbed?” Shouldn’t it be something more fun, like…I dunno, “gribben?” 

Gemini: I hope you realize that I’m not even a little bit interested. 


Leo: Okay, but…what if…what if we just…ordered like six pizzas…right now…

Virgo: Do anime characters know they’re animated??

Libra: God, your stupidity amazes me! It’s like a whole new level of stupid I didn’t even know existed!

Scorpio: Quitters don’t fucking quit. 

Sagittarius: *loud sobbing* 

Capricorn: Pineapples are so weird. I don’t trust them. 

Aquarius: See you next water time, you fucking assholes