now i know why i'm an alcoholic

renaming popular the smiths songs
  • how soon is now?: i'm socially awkward and need a hug
  • cemetary gates: this is a callout post
  • this charming man: gayly pining over rich men gets you nowhere
  • there is a light that never goes out: kill yourself in traffic for the Drama Of It All
  • heaven knows i'm miserable now: too nice to live, too emo to die
  • please please please let me get what i want: nothing good ever happens to me ft. acoustic guitar
  • the boy with the thorn in his side: tsundere
  • what difference does it make?: love makes you blind, prejudice makes you blinder
  • hand in glove: Don't Talk To Me Or My Son Ever Again
  • panic: the arctic monkeys masturbate to this song
  • bigmouth strikes again: if donald trump had a conscience
  • stop me if you think you've heard this one before: alcoholism
  • i know it's over: Why Can't Everyone Be Nicer To Each Other
  • shoplifters of the world unite: play this in court after i'm caught stealing from sephora. it'll work. trust me
  • girlfriend in a coma: i laugh during sad movies to mask my internal pain and childhood trauma
  • last night i dreamt that somebody loved me: are you sure this isn't pink floyd
  • william, it was really nothing: i dislike your life choices and will judge them severely
  • ask: strumming ft. social anxiety and the cold war
Best Friend Starters
  • "Want to go somewhere?"
  • "Wait. Wait. You did what now?"
  • "Hey. How's it going?"
  • "I am sooooo bored."
  • "Yeah. Yeah, we could do that. Or we could sit around and do nothing."
  • "What fresh hell did you get me into?"
  • "When's the last time you bathed?"
  • "Got anything to eat?"
  • "What did I tell you about touching my stuff?"
  • "You're dating my ex?"
  • "Please tell me you have coffee."
  • "How do I look?"
  • "Let me give you some advice..."
  • "Drink up."
  • "You look ridiculous."
  • "I'm not going and you can't make me."
  • "What do you think I should wear?"
  • "Screw them. They don't know what they're missing."
  • "Can we not actually do this?"
  • "Pizza?"
  • "Is anyone else coming?"
  • "I'll walk with you."
  • "You look like you need a hug."
  • "Forget about 'em. You're better off."
  • "Pain gets better with time and alcohol."
  • "You need me to kick their ass?"
  • "Don't leave me hanging."
  • "Did you see that?"
  • "I leave no one behind."
  • "I don't suppose you have any idea what to do now..."
  • "Tea? Scone?"
  • "Stop being so melodramatic."
  • "I'm here for you."
  • "Give me five minutes."
  • "Why do I even hang out with you?"
  • "You know I would do anything for you, right?"
  • "Maybe you should cut down on the booze."
  • "That has got 'nope' written all over it."
  • "What's the worst that could happen?"
Thoughts on Supernatural 12x10

OKAY, I usually don’t do this but I NEED to say how I feel about the last episode of Supernatural (12x10) cause it was just so PER-FECT. 

  • ONE EPISODE FOCUSED ON CASTIEL (we needed that)
  • Castiel’s female vessel : so important for the show 
  • They have the SAME BLUE EYES omg i’m dead x_x 
  • Great flashbacks about Castiel’s past where we get to see how he went to Earth when he was still on mission for Heaven.
  • GOD, I’d missed Badass!Cas so much xD
  • I love how Dean was in the beginning of the episode, like “Damn it, bae, you can’t save my life everytime you know, sometimes there might have consequences. No really you need to stop saving my asses, love.” 
  • “We’ll come with you” “Both of you?” IS DEAN COMING CAUSE OTHERWISE I’M NOT EVEN INTERESTED SAM #lmao
  • SAM IS JUST 100% DONE IN THAT EPISODE 
  • Dean being the grumpy husband and Cas the unsatisfized wife is the best thing that the writers could have done #they’re married
  • The Impala is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack ♥ I’ve missed baby. 
  • That scene in the Impala: they’re really fighting and snarking at each other like an old married couple and that’s so touching because it’s exactly what they are. Now everybody can see it ^^
  • Oh, he speaks” the sarcasm level has just exploded. 
  • Dean is jeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalous! It’s happening, guys!
  • Dean being touchy and easily offended when it’s about Cas like “What’s that supposed to mean?” WELL, It means he wants you to be gentle and kind and caring with him too, dummy! Come on, Dean! 
  • Can we agree Sam was Dean and Cass’ therapist in that episode? 
  • Sasstiel is back! “If I plan to do anything else stupid, I’ll let you know”
  • “And you’re gonna storm in riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight now” LMAO 
  • No one knows Dean more than Sam, alright? And Sam knew Dean couldn’t handle letting Cas alone, even for like five minutes. If that’s not someone who ships destiel, then I don’t fucking know what it is.
  • Dean being overprotecting with Cas is so cute :3 When he charged into that restaurant and just sat down next to Cas like “He’s mine, don’t even try to lay a finger on him, you asshole”, I was in Heaven! 
  • But where is the personal space? Like remember the time Dean was uncomfortable with Cas being too close to him? Remember that time he said “Cas, we talked about it. Personal space.” HE LITERALLY JUST SAT DOWN TWO INCHES AWAY FROM HIM. 
  • Sam almost falling off the bench seat, I was laughing out loud (like the guy is a freaking giant, give him so space, Dean xD)
  • Who wants some pie?” Dean Winchester, everyone 
  • Sam and Dean protecting Castiel, THANKS GOD! It was so necessary. Castiel has a serious self esteem matter and it’s always good to see Dean and Sam trying to fix him, trying to fix this crappy image he has.
  • Have some pie”, Dean actually considering it x) Pie is Dean’s true love!
  • Touching story about a mom and her child, loved it! #the feels
  • Dean and Sam whispering, thinking she can’t hear them, lmao
  • And she can hear you” LOL #sassy queen 
  • Oh Goodie” LIKE I’VE SAID SASSTIEL IS BACK!
  • Dean fighting for Cas again, I’m not even surprised. 
  • DEAN IS OFFICIALLY CAS’S WEAKNESS I REPEAT DEAN IS OFFICIALLY CASTIEL’S WEAKNESS #argjzohzihxajnnzdpo
  • I can’t believe Dean chose to not activate the angel mark to save his life because it was dangerous for Cas like “yeah you know I’m at the ground, wounded and powerless, and this is the only way to save my ass but it might hurt Cas so nope, not gonna happen” OKAY.  
  • Cas saved the day (agaaaaain) and that was perfect : he didn’t need anyone’s help, he did it alone, because that’s right, he’s still a badass warrior even if he has more emotions now. You can be humanly emotive and be badass as hell. And it’s exactly what Cas is. 
  • Cas seeking for forgiveness, I was like “my baby needs a hug!” 
  • You’re not weak, Cas” : Dean and Sam recognizing how strong and powerful Cas is, even if he hasn’t his wings anymore was awesome!
  • What do we do now?” “Let’s drink” kinda made me think about Castiel’s line “ I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol” lmao
  • I hope they’ll manage to find a solution about the nephilim! 

IN TWO WORDS: THE FEELS. 

Strawberry Champagne | Yoongi

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Word Count: 1120

Summary: After a breakup, all you had were the stars, strawberry champagne, and a stranger named Min Yoongi. 

Originally posted by mn-yg

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  • what she says: I'm fine
  • what she's thinking: ok but why does JD's family have to move so much? I know that his dad is an alcoholic and all and but that still supports a stagnant lifestyle. I mean, how can someone move 10 times in the span of four years? the financial toll alone seems crippling, even with JD's father owning a small business. Now it is possible that when JD says "I've been through 10 high schools" that he means he's been expelled, but before he met Veronica, he was a generally passive person, and if that was the case, why would there need to he "two suitcases packed in the den"? Another option could be that JD's father's business kept him moving, but why would a simple contractor have to move as far as "Las Vegas to Boston"? How big is this contracting company exactly? How could an alcoholic be able to manage a cross-continental chain company?
The signs as Sondheim quotes
  • <p> <b>Aries:</b> I work entirely with black leadded pencils. For a number of reasons. 1, it’s very soft lead, and therefore wears down very quickly. So you can spend a lot of time resharpening. Which is a lot easier and more fun than writing.<p/><b>Taurus:</b> I never thought very highly of awards, but I must say, it's awfully nice to win one.<p/><b>Gemini:</b> I love the theatre as much as I love music, and the whole idea of getting across to an audience and exciting them - making them laugh - making them cry - just making them feel is paramount to me.<p/><b>Cancer:</b> I write lying down... So I can fall asleep.<p/><b>Leo:</b> Music blows lyrics up very quickly, and suddenly they become more than art. They become pompous and they become self-conscious.<p/><b>Virgo:</b> [on what one thing he'd say to Oscar Hammerstein] I would say, "aren't you proud of me?"<p/><b>Libra:</b> If you laugh at a movie screen, or boo at a movie screen, or anything, the actors go right on. They do exactly what they wanna do. Same thing with television. But not the theatre. And that's why, I'm proud to be in if.<p/><b>Scorpio:</b> What Sweeney Todd is really about is having a good time.<p/><b>Sagittarius:</b> It ["Sunday"] all leads to the word forever. Which is- when I wrote that word, I cried, because I thought, that’s what it’s about. And I then decided, that I would do it all in one sentence. It’s a lyric that’s in one sentence. Uh, because there is a kind of… I don’t know how to put it. It’s like it’s eternal, it’s infinite, whatever, whatever- it’s what I feel about art… It just has no beginning and no end. It’s just one thing.<p/><b>Capricorn:</b> A lot of people have done, historically, musicals to forget their troubles, c'mon, get happy. I'm not interested in that. I'm not interested in making people unhappy, but I'm not interested in not looking at life. I don't know why I'd wanna write it, otherwise.<p/><b>Aquarius:</b> I’ve often used alcohol, as a help in writing. It’s very good for loosening up the inhibitions as long as you don’t drink too much. An in fact, the only thing I’ve ever written that’s just on water, is the score for a movie called Stavisky. And I realized it was ‘cause I didn’t have to write lyrics.<p/><b>Pisces:</b> Teaching, to me, is the sacred profession and I cry when I talk about it and I'll probably cry now [...] So teaching to me is, is a necessity. I couldn't live without it.<p/></p>

To be honest it feels really weird to be 22. 

It’s like, I wasn’t even settled in the fact that I was previously 21 and able to drink alcohol when I was out with the family. Now I’m 22 and I feel like I should be doing more but I haven’t gotten to that point. 

Maybe that’s just the anxiety or the depression talking, but I can’t help but think that sometimes. 

Also on a random side note: I don’t know why the fuck I’m up so early over here. (It’s 6 AM) 

I’m looking forward to all the inbox birthday messages! Please do send them they make me so happy! 

Gratuitous Drinking and Surprising Benefits

For Jily Week. The prompt was Modern AU. This can also be found on AO3.

Lily loved drinking, and she loved parties. She was good at capturing the attention of the entire room with a single smile, and she knew it. She absolutely hated two things about parties, though: being Marlene’s wingman, and the Marauders.

She had known Marlene for two years; since she left the boarding school she had been lucky to get a scholarship to. Unfortunately, she had known the Marauders for far, far longer, and had hated them since the day she met them.

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It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia
  • "We're trying to give you the Christmas spirit, dickhole!"
  • "Make a move. Just tell her you wanna bang her."
  • "Whenever there's a potential riot, I'm getting blasted on grain alcohol."
  • "Dude, do you have a boner right now?"
  • "Any amount of cheese before a date is too much cheese."
  • "Animals should be food, rugs and trophies. Why do you think I'm wearing a leather suit?"
  • "First of all, your breath smells like an old lady fart passing through an onion."
  • "Well, I don't know how many years on this Earth I got left. I'm gonna get real weird with it. "
  • "Am I gay for God?"
  • "Do not plug an open wound with trash."
  • "Wanna go get sweaty in the bathroom?"
  • "I'm not fat. I'm cultivating mass."
  • "Who am I supposed to vote for?"
Quite Ready
  • Molly: *lying on a Hospital bed; looking around and tapping her fingers in boredom*
  • Molly: *sees the tray of medical intruments; picks up the forceps, scoffs* Absolutely not.
  • Sherlock: *enters; casually* Morning.
  • Molly: *sits up; alarmed* Morning.
  • Sherlock: *raises an eyebrow at the forceps still in her hand* You're eager.
  • Molly: *replaces the instrument; scowling* What are you doing here?
  • Sherlock: *matter-of-factly* I'm here to see my son.
  • Molly: *frustrated* Oh for God's sake. I'm not having a boy!
  • Sherlock: *fluffs her pillow* You're having a boy.
  • Molly: *folds her arms* What makes you so sure?
  • Sherlock: He's a Holmes.
  • Molly: *scoffs* No, he- it isn't *shakes her head* How did you even find out about today?
  • Sherlock: Your mother. I think she's on my side.
  • Molly: *through gritted teeth* I don't need your help.
  • Sherlock: *rolls his eyes* Yes, you've said.
  • Molly: *pouts* I can't force you to leave-
  • Sherlock: *sits in the chair beside her* Nope.
  • Molly: ...
  • Sherlock: ...
  • Molly: ...
  • Sherlock: *quietly* Did you get the ice cream?
  • Molly: *softly* Yes...thank you.
  • Sherlock: *shrugs* My mother enjoyed it when she was pregnant. With a boy *glances at her*
  • Molly: *shakes her head* You're going to be disappointed. We Hooper ladies have never let a man tell us what to do.
  • Sherlock: *smirks; leans forward* Now that's not strictly true, is it?
  • Molly: *frowns* Shut up.
  • Sherlock: *chuckles*
  • ...
  • Sherlock: You never asked me how I felt about it.
  • Molly: ...
  • Molly: *swallows* How do you feel about it?
  • Sonographer: *enters; consulting a clipboard* Right...good morning, Miss Hooper, I'm Doctor Montague. Now, just relax and get comfortable. Now *looks up, smiling* how are we feeling today?
  • Sherlock: *stands up* Ready *grasps Molly's hand* quite ready.
A Brief History of Kent and Karaoke

1. 22 by Taylor Swift

Kent has been in Vegas for nearly four years, he’s been legally allowed to go out with the boys for one. That doesn’t mean he hasn’t been out with them before, but it’s only the second birthday he can legally get fucked up.

Which of course means karaoke.

“Seriously?” the new trade asks, drinking his beer and watching while Kent flips through the song options. “It’s the Fourth of July, and you want to go out for karaoke?”

“Who gives a fuck about the Fourth of July? It’s my goddamn birthday,” Kent replies, sticking his tongue out at the new guy. “And as your captain, I can and will order you to sing Barbie Girl if you don’t pick on your own.”

New Guy rolls his eyes but takes the list anyway. Kent has no regrets about this part of his life. At least, none that he’ll cop to sober.

The coordinator calls his name and he hops up onto the stage, while Elsa, Hearts, Jeff, and New Guy watch with bemused looks. The music starts and even though Elsa, Hearts, and Jeff look confused, New Guy starts laughing.

“It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters,” Kent sings into the microphone. New Guy has dissolved into fits of laughter on the table while the others just look baffled. Then he gets to the chorus, “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two,” and they cotton on.

New Guy doesn’t stop laughing, and Kent decides he’ll fit just fine with the rest of the team.

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  • simon: you know, baz, you worry too much.
  • simon: it's sunday! we're allowed to have a couple of hours off
  • simon: you don't see me nervous about being on my third virgin mary
  • baz: why would you be nervous? there's no alcohol in a virgin mary.
  • simon: there isn't?? this is unbelievable!!
  • simon: (to waiter) can I get a virgin pina colada when you get the chance?
  • baz:
  • simon: now we'll get things started!