now back to my boring life. ;a;

a list of some of my favourite, most ExtraTM Fëanor moments : 

  • showed up to his dad’s house in full military gear just so he could throw a hissy fit at his brother in a public square , sword-waving theatrics and all
  • straight up slammed a door in Morgoth’s face , after quite literally yelling at him to get the fuck off his lawn
  • “Fëanor, lending us your Silmarils to save the Trees could prevent the world from plunging into complete darkness” / “And then what , do you waNT ME TO DIE is that it
  • “So dad , are we going back for Fingon now?” / *manic laughter* “Oh, Maedhros, my sweet summer child,”
  • pulled a total Patroclus and charged on the gates of Angband without waiting for backup , then promptly got into a swordfight with a bunch of Balrogs 
  • couldn’t help being dramatic even in death and turned into ashes on the spot before his sons could bury him
  • if you ever feel like your job is hard , just remember that Mandos is gonna have to put up with this dude camping out in his office until the end of Arda
My Puppy

Originally posted by rapnamu

Pairing: Taehyung X Reader-First Person View

Genre & Warnings: SMUT, fluff, pet play. 

Word Count: 4,406

NOTE: Pure Filth. Turn back now if you don’t want to see. Turning Tae Tae into my Fuck Puppy (Thanks Anon). Soft femdom. Let me tell you, it was an EXPERIENCE writing this, and I am still not perfectly pleased with it. Mostly because I’m never happy with my own smut writing. I had to do so much research, so google probably thinks I’m freaky naughty af. Which I suppose I am considering I wrote this lol. So, for those that are hardcore into this and think I didn’t portray it well enough, I’m sorry, I tried. And I learned quite a bit about myself, like the fact that if I ever get my hands on someone like Tae, I am so going to try this. Now enjoy, and excuse me as I go drench myself in holy water to cleanse myself of sin. 


“You know, I hate the winter. It reminds me of your cold heart.”

My now ex-boyfriend mutters this line, looking into the snowy sky. He sighs loudly and saunters off, without looking back. What a fucking drama queen. I can’t help but snort as I watch him disappear into the light snowfall, and wonder what movie he got that line from.

Cold heart.

I don’t have a cold heart. He was just a damn bore. He never wanted to do anything but watch movies, and freaked out if I suggested anything besides missionary. I’ve been thinking about breaking up with him for weeks now, but was putting it off because I knew he’d cry. This saved me all the hassle.

Note to self: Don’t date actors.

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Love Yourself

Characters: Dean x Reader

Warnings: language, sexual frustration, smutarific, masturbation

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: 6k Celebration and One Year Fic-i-versary Celebration Fic TWENTY. The line requested was,  “You’re like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness.” It was requested by  @docharleythegeekqueen. It will be highlighted in the fic. I am also including my line for @avasmommy224 Dirty Thirty challenge which is  “Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” Let’s see if I can’t make this good for everyone. ;) Happy Birthday, Jenn! :D

Feedback Appreciated

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The Virus (Extended)

I wrote this again because I believed I could expand the story and see how it go.

***Logs of the late Admiral Elfre”

Personal log 1. I got accepted into the coalition military only as a simple deck serf my main duties are cleaning the vents of vermin that somehow make it onto the ships and breed. I also run messages, it’s good exercise but most of the officers don’t even look at me, I’ll show them I’ll make admiral in not time.

Personal Log 6. After helping engineer Lopya with the engine after being stuck in dead space for nearly a week I was promoted to bridge officer, I mainly work the coms console but it is a step in the right direction, i cant wait. 

Personal Log 8. One of our explorer ships has found a new planet, this one is apparently unique and has all our scientists really excited. Not sure how it is unique because I always thought every world in the galaxy was unique but apparently this is one is special. My colleagues are talking about nothing else I might actually keep an eye on the com traffic to see what the fuss is about.

Personal Log 9. Well I read some of the com messages ( I know I’m not supposed to but curiosity got the better of me) and this new world everyone is going crazy over is apparently the only world which can truly be classified as a “Dead World”  But life is not only surviving apparently its thriving. They think their might be intelligent life there, even if the air is toxic and the plant life poisonous and Maker only knows what the animal life is like. I shudder to think of what could survive there.

Personal log 13. The explorer team has gone missing, they were researching a new animal that lived in huge hives and it is believed the creatures may have discovered them. Not sure how I thought they were using this new cloaking technology that makes them invisible? Could these creatures see through it?

Personal Log 14. Workload today was insane, more com traffic than ever, our fleet is being redirected. But on the bright side if I make a good impression the captain might put me on course for deck officer level 2? I can only hope.

Personal Log 16. I’m not sure if this is good or not but our fleet has been chosen to search for that research team that went missing, why we should when we are an explorer fleet not a military fleet. I mean, we only have  handful of actual soldiers on each ship, but then orders are orders.

Personal Log 17. I think I may have made a mistake, the captain wanted a coms officer to go and record to rescue and like an idiot I said I’d do it before I truly thought about it. I’m going to a “Dead world” to find people. I want to live long enough to have wife’s and spawns I don’t want to to go somewhere where i might die. Well I can’t back out now, at least Major Jesa gave me a handgun to use in  case.

Personal Log 18. We landed on the planet at the researchers last known location, we found their base, it was hidden inside one of the hills over looking a herd of fluffy animals that made off “Bahhhh” sounds as they saw us. They were not hostile luckily, we assumed they were prey animals, wee went off to complete our mission. We found one of the trackers the researchers use sot hey don’t get lost, it was badly broken so the log could not be accessed, we bagged it kept on.

Personal Log 19 The nights here are cold, really cold. We set up air tight tents so we did not have to sleep in our suits and even with the heaters we were all shivering. Private Getr joked this was worse than the time he fought against some snow like monsters on a world going through an ice age. i could tell he was not joking, i hate this place.

Personal Log 20. Private Getr’s suit was split yesterday, some plant that has spikes cut his suit and he died in moments, he never had a chance to even seal the split. A pair of his comrades volunteer to take him back to the shuttle and off they go, we are three men down. 

Personal Log 21. The rain, so much rain, I mean it’s not unusual for water to fall from the sky but this is just crazy, we all agree not to out today.

Personal Log 22. We saw the natives, or at least what we think are the most dominant natives here. There were three of them, small and running around in one of the fields playing I think, is that playing or were they fighting for dominance? they were quite small and talked to each other in odd clicking noises. Then the older appeared, far larger than their young, they appeared out of the trees not far from us, then one of them started sniffing the air, no way could they smell us could they? We quickly left before we were discovered. But not before we saw the Hive, it was larger than any city I have seen, how many of these creatures were there.

Personal Log 23. Finally some other sign of the research team, an tent, only one but it’s a sign. We call inside but there is no answer, we slowly make our way inside and find what we feared we would.  A body, His skin was the same as privates Getr’s when his suit split, he was holding a note though all it said was. “Run!”

Personal Log 27. Well I’m glad that’s over with and i can get back to my life, that world is now off limits to everyone now and is under strict quarantine level 10. The first planet to get that level. They even named it Kila, apparently it means death in one of languages spoken in the coalition.   

Personal Log 30. Since my mission to Kila I have gain more responsibility and just yesterday they are giving me my own ship!! It’s only a snall support ship with a few hundred crew but I’m excited. Captain Elfre, i like the sound of that.

Captains Log 36. I’M BORED!!!! This support ship gets almost no mission, all we do is patrol and help the larger ships move into formation, I want a bigger ship!!!! Or at least something to break the boredom.

Captains Log 38. A whole quarantine fleet went missing a couple of days ago, I instantly knew which one before i even heard the planets name, it was Kila. By the Maker have they made it off the that planet? More fleet are being directed and we are on standby if we are needed. I have a feeling we will be.

Captains Log 40. We are needed, the fleet is heading to the quarantine Kila zone.

Captains Log 41. The quarantine is breached the creatures have built ships and a lot of them, these hive ships were scanned and found our own technology on board. They are using our warp drives, did they figure out of they were built? How? Are these things sentient? We take up position to bar their path and we simply stare at each other, we send message after message to try and open a dialog but there is no response. Then over all our coms, a noise like screaming, is that Getr? Are they in my head? Only one word is truly heard. Hooman, our enemy has a name.  The Admiral orders us to open fire and we unleash our weapons upon them, huge pulse cannons and missiles with enough yield to scorch a planet. Nearly all miss. How could they miss and those that hit seemed to only cause minimal damage. Wait are..their ships healing themselves? We scramble to reload and open fire again but the Hoomans fore first, we don’t recognize what kind of weapons they are using but they cut right through our armor, the flagship goes down having been hit by three separate enemy ships. The other captains are screaming orders or trying to regain some kind of control, I shout over the coms that I cam taking command and order the retreat. The war against the Hoomans, has begun.

Captains Log 50. The Hoomans are spreading and spreading fast, every engagement is the same, they break into real space, our coms go haywire and our fleet gets wiped out. We need a different strategy.

Captains Log 54. I have been given command of a new battleship, it is to be the new flagship of a invasion force into Hooman space. Our scientist have theorized that the Hoomans work on a hive mind command structure and if we wipe out the their main hive world Kila the rest will fall into chaos. I don’t know how they can know that as to my mind no Hooman has been captured alive or dead. But I am eager to go on the offensive for once.

Captains Log 55. Our first victory!!! We engaged the Hoomans on the edge of their space and wiped them out, we left the planet as we needed to save our resources for the homeworld but it felt good to drop a few nukes down there. We can do this, we can win!!

Captains Log 57. The Hoomans never seem to run out of ships, we have assembled the largest fleet in the galaxy and that has got their attention, their advance into our space has halted. I have their complete attention, and that terrifies me.

Captains Log 58. We lost half our ships in the last battle and the flagship is heavily damaged we have taken refuge in an asteroid belt to make repairs but the Hoomans are looking for us. They always know where to find us, they always know.

Captains Log 60. I can only engage the Homans one more time before I have to retreat and i am nowhere near their homeworld of Kila, they always seem to have more ships. The last engagement were boarded by them, I have seen every kind of species in the galaxy and we are all different, some are fast, some are strong, some are smart and so on. But never have I seen a race like them. They only have two arms and two legs which is the lowest number of any rce and it seems to work to their advantage. I saw on the security cameras our soldiers fight them in hand to hand and the Hoomans just danced around them. They moved like water and hit like avalanches, our new directive was never to engage them in close combat, you’d never win. Not that shooting them seems to work either, my bridge was breached by them and i shot one in the head with my pistol and it barley flinched, if it wasn’t for a guard with a blaster i would have been dead. Sadly that moment of saving my life cost him his own, he was hit my one of their weapons and his whole body evaporated. Not sure what is a worse way to die, being touched by one of these things or shot. This invasion is over, I’m ordering the retreat.

Captains Log 62. 2 months, that was all the time I bought while invading their space and once more they are on the offensive, consuming world after world and terraforming it so only they can live there. Trillions are now dead and how much further will they spread before they burn themselves out.

Captains Log 65. Our leaders are panicking, the surviving races are merging all their resources in some attempt to turn this tide. Our pleas of surrender and mercy go unanswered except for the usual response of the com screaming. But on some lighter note I go promoted to Admiral, my life long goal was achieved only because my predecessor shot himself when his homeworld was consumed by the Hoomans, his mate and youngling did not make it of world in time. They now expect me to win this war for them, I don’t know if I can but I am going to try.

Admirals Log 1, My first engagement as an Admiral with the race known as Hooman has ended in our utter defeat, we exited hyperspace right on top of them and they reacted as if they knew we were coming. Are these creatures just super fast or can they see the future? We retreated to Elixal Prime but my few remaining ships will not be enough to hold them off for long. I have already began evacuation but there are not enough ships, they will be here soon,

Admirals Log 5, Elixal Prime is lost, the moment the first of their hive ships arrived we had to abandon any hope of rescuing the population. I can only imagine what horrors they will face. We heard their screams over the com as we left.

Admirals Log 13. I have implemented a scorched earth policy, any world we cannot protect or have to retreat from is scorched to make sure they can’t use it. It will slow them at least.

Admirals Log.16 It did not stop or slow them, in fact it made terraforming the planet for themselves easier so we have abandoned that tactic.

Admirals Log 22. They are spreading faster now, faster than we can track them its like a damn has broken and their entire race is now searching for new worlds to consume. Do they eat their worlds? Is that why they are expanding? for food?

Admirals log 29 the Hoomans have conquered half the galaxy and there are too few of the surviving races with the ships to even try and stop them. Some are talking about surrender. How could we? These creatures are so deadly that even one setting foot on a planet spells disaster as if their whole body was made to house millions of viruses. My old friend was touched by one once, I’ll never forget what happened to him. His skin burned and fell off he bled form every part of his body, his screams, they still haunt me.

Admirals Log 40. Me and the other admirals have agreed that this war cannot be won, we have but one hope, all the survivors of the coalition have gathered in one system. There are only 50 billion left out of a population of thousands of trillions. But our scientists have built a war winning weapon, a huge beam cannon that can destroy fleets. It is very experimental as if uses the power oft he sun to fire. The plan is to use it to defend against the Hoomans in this system indefinitely, let them have the galaxy surely they will let us have one small system?

Admirals Log 50. I was wrong about the Hoomans letting us live here, because here they are, but there is only one hive ship just sitting there watching us. My ship is placed directly opposite it, Im sure i can take on one ship but I know, that silently out there, his friends are watching. Once more our coms go nuts, i turn it off, i have had enough of listening to the sounds of my comrades die over and over again. I open fire and before the munitions hit the Hooman hive ship turns and enters hyperspace. He’ll be back.

Admirals Log 60. The Hoomans are back and it seems they have brought their entire fleet with them, My fleet has over 5000 ships of varying classes and the new solar cannon we built. Just a little closer, i oder the cannon to fire and millions of miles behind my fleet the solar cannon unleashes the power of the sun at the Hoomans. Then…wait? No this is not possible the Hooman fleet is moving and a new kind of ship is taking the lead…it’s huge almost the size of a moon and it is moving to intercept the beam. The solar cannons beam hits the new hive ship but…it does not do what they said it would. It is supposed to destroy the ship then the beam jumps tot the nearest ship and destroys that one and so on. But the ship is…is…absorbing it? the light is dancing around the hive ship and then suddenly fires from the tip, oh no it’s heading for one of the planets! It hit the planet the solar cannon was orbiting and it erupts and breaks apart. 20 billion souls all gone in an instant. Screaming I order to open fire, all 5000 ships unleash our firepower at the Hoomans, with so many ships and so many targets it’s hard to miss. The battle last only an hour. 

Admiral’s log , We’ve lost, our final stand began an hour ago, 3 thousand ships gone, in an hour!!! How could such a race even exist? I sit here reading reports of what their world is like, no wonder they turned out like they did out of all the worlds in the galaxy this one has to be the most hostile one. I’m not going down without a fight though.

Admiral Efre grabbed his rifle and locked his log in the hopes that it might be found by someone who could read it and remember the struggle the galaxy went through. Perhaps in a couple of millennia when the Hoomans have died out. The Hoomans were cutting through the door now, his soldiers all got to their feet and readied their rifles. The pride he felt for them, even in their final moments they were defiant, even though there was nothing and no one left to save.

The door blasts open and we open fire, like before the Hoomans shrug off our shots like they were pebbles, a few go down but it doesnt stop the others. The run into us and…and? They’re not killing us By the Maker they want us alive! Are they going to eat us? One grabs me with its gloved hand and forces me to my knees alongside my soldiers and another enters like the others of it’s kind inside a sealed suit. It lowers itself to look me in the eye and raising a visor to show it’s face.

They’re disgusting, their faces…the proportions are all wrong and only two eyes? How could they see so well with only two eyes? The nose is pitiful in size I can only imagine how strong it was. And the skin, it looks wet like oil, is it acid?

Finally it speaks and the words put the chill of death into me.

“We were only trying to say hello”

The Virus (Extended)

***Logs of the late Admiral Elfre”


Personal log 1. I got accepted into the coalition military only as a simple deck serf my main duties are cleaning the vents of vermin that somehow make it onto the ships and breed. I also run messages, it’s good exercise but most of the officers don’t even look at me, I’ll show them I’ll make admiral in not time.


Personal Log 6. After helping engineer Lopya with the engine after being stuck in dead space for nearly a week I was promoted to bridge officer, I mainly work the coms console but it is a step in the right direction, i cant wait. 


Personal Log 8. One of our explorer ships has found a new planet, this one is apparently unique and has all our scientists really excited. Not sure how it is unique because I always thought every world in the galaxy was unique but apparently this is one is special. My colleagues are talking about nothing else I might actually keep an eye on the com traffic to see what the fuss is about.

Personal Log 9. Well I read some of the com messages ( I know I’m not supposed to but curiosity got the better of me) and this new world everyone is going crazy over is apparently the only world which can truly be classified as a “Dead World”  But life is not only surviving apparently its thriving. They think their might be intelligent life there, even if the air is toxic and the plant life poisonous and Maker only knows what the animal life is like. I shudder to think of what could survive there.

Personal log 13. The explorer team has gone missing, they were researching a new animal that lived in huge hives and it is believed the creatures may have discovered them. Not sure how I thought they were using this new cloaking technology that makes them invisible? Could these creatures see through it?

Personal Log 14. Workload today was insane, more com traffic than ever, our fleet is being redirected. But on the bright side if I make a good impression the captain might put me on course for deck officer level 2? I can only hope.

Personal Log 16. I’m not sure if this is good or not but our fleet has been chosen to search for that research team that went missing, why we should when we are an explorer fleet not a military fleet. I mean, we only have  handful of actual soldiers on each ship, but then orders are orders.

Personal Log 17. I think I may have made a mistake, the captain wanted a coms officer to go and record to rescue and like an idiot I said I’d do it before I truly thought about it. I’m going to a “Dead world” to find people. I want to live long enough to have wife’s and spawns I don’t want to to go somewhere where i might die. Well I can’t back out now, at least Major Jesa gave me a handgun to use in  case.

Personal Log 18. We landed on the planet at the researchers last known location, we found their base, it was hidden inside one of the hills over looking a herd of fluffy animals that made off “Bahhhh” sounds as they saw us. They were not hostile luckily, we assumed they were prey animals, wee went off to complete our mission. We found one of the trackers the researchers use sot hey don’t get lost, it was badly broken so the log could not be accessed, we bagged it kept on.

Personal Log 19 The nights here are cold, really cold. We set up air tight tents so we did not have to sleep in our suits and even with the heaters we were all shivering. Private Getr joked this was worse than the time he fought against some snow like monsters on a world going through an ice age. i could tell he was not joking, i hate this place.

Personal Log 20. Private Getr’s suit was split yesterday, some plant that has spikes cut his suit and he died in moments, he never had a chance to even seal the split. A pair of his comrades volunteer to take him back to the shuttle and off they go, we are three men down. 

Personal Log 21. The rain, so much rain, I mean it’s not unusual for water to fall from the sky but this is just crazy, we all agree not to out today.

Personal Log 22. We saw the natives, or at least what we think are the most dominant natives here. There were three of them, small and running around in one of the fields playing I think, is that playing or were they fighting for dominance? they were quite small and talked to each other in odd clicking noises. Then the older appeared, far larger than their young, they appeared out of the trees not far from us, then one of them started sniffing the air, no way could they smell us could they? We quickly left before we were discovered. But not before we saw the Hive, it was larger than any city I have seen, how many of these creatures were there.

Personal Log 23. Finally some other sign of the research team, an tent, only one but it’s a sign. We call inside but there is no answer, we slowly make our way inside and find what we feared we would.  A body, His skin was the same as privates Getr’s when his suit split, he was holding a note though all it said was. “Run!”

Personal Log 27. Well I’m glad that’s over with and i can get back to my life, that world is now off limits to everyone now and is under strict quarantine level 10. The first planet to get that level. They even named it Kila, apparently it means death in one of languages spoken in the coalition.   

Personal Log 30. Since my mission to Kila I have gain more responsibility and just yesterday they are giving me my own ship!! It’s only a snall support ship with a few hundred crew but I’m excited. Captain Elfre, i like the sound of that.

Captains Log 36. I’M BORED!!!! This support ship gets almost no mission, all we do is patrol and help the larger ships move into formation, I want a bigger ship!!!! Or at least something to break the boredom.

Captains Log 38. A whole quarantine fleet went missing a couple of days ago, I instantly knew which one before i even heard the planets name, it was Kila. By the Maker have they made it off the that planet? More fleet are being directed and we are on standby if we are needed. I have a feeling we will be.

Captains Log 40. We are needed, the fleet is heading to the quarantine Kila zone.

Captains Log 41. The quarantine is breached the creatures have built ships and a lot of them, these hive ships were scanned and found our own technology on board. They are using our warp drives, did they figure out of they were built? How? Are these things sentient? We take up position to bar their path and we simply stare at each other, we send message after message to try and open a dialog but there is no response. Then over all our coms, a noise like screaming, is that Getr? Are they in my head? Only one word is truly heard. Hooman, our enemy has a name.  The Admiral orders us to open fire and we unleash our weapons upon them, huge pulse cannons and missiles with enough yield to scorch a planet. Nearly all miss. How could they miss and those that hit seemed to only cause minimal damage. Wait are..their ships healing themselves? We scramble to reload and open fire again but the Hoomans fore first, we don’t recognize what kind of weapons they are using but they cut right through our armor, the flagship goes down having been hit by three separate enemy ships. The other captains are screaming orders or trying to regain some kind of control, I shout over the coms that I cam taking command and order the retreat. The war against the Hoomans, has begun.


Captains Log 50. The Hoomans are spreading and spreading fast, every engagement is the same, they break into real space, our coms go haywire and our fleet gets wiped out. We need a different strategy.

Captains Log 54. I have been given command of a new battleship, it is to be the new flagship of a invasion force into Hooman space. Our scientist have theorized that the Hoomans work on a hive mind command structure and if we wipe out the their main hive world Kila the rest will fall into chaos. I don’t know how they can know that as to my mind no Hooman has been captured alive or dead. But I am eager to go on the offensive for once.

Captains Log 55. Our first victory!!! We engaged the Hoomans on the edge of their space and wiped them out, we left the planet as we needed to save our resources for the homeworld but it felt good to drop a few nukes down there. We can do this, we can win!!

Captains Log 57. The Hoomans never seem to run out of ships, we have assembled the largest fleet in the galaxy and that has got their attention, their advance into our space has halted. I have their complete attention, and that terrifies me.

Captains Log 58. We lost half our ships in the last battle and the flagship is heavily damaged we have taken refuge in an asteroid belt to make repairs but the Hoomans are looking for us. They always know where to find us, they always know.

Captains Log 60. I can only engage the Homans one more time before I have to retreat and i am nowhere near their homeworld of Kila, they always seem to have more ships. The last engagement were boarded by them, I have seen every kind of species in the galaxy and we are all different, some are fast, some are strong, some are smart and so on. But never have I seen a race like them. They only have two arms and two legs which is the lowest number of any rce and it seems to work to their advantage. I saw on the security cameras our soldiers fight them in hand to hand and the Hoomans just danced around them. They moved like water and hit like avalanches, our new directive was never to engage them in close combat, you’d never win. Not that shooting them seems to work either, my bridge was breached by them and i shot one in the head with my pistol and it barley flinched, if it wasn’t for a guard with a blaster i would have been dead. Sadly that moment of saving my life cost him his own, he was hit my one of their weapons and his whole body evaporated. Not sure what is a worse way to die, being touched by one of these things or shot. This invasion is over, I’m ordering the retreat.

Captains Log 62. 2 months, that was all the time I bought while invading their space and once more they are on the offensive, consuming world after world and terraforming it so only they can live there. Trillions are now dead and how much further will they spread before they burn themselves out.

Captains Log 65. Our leaders are panicking, the surviving races are merging all their resources in some attempt to turn this tide. Our pleas of surrender and mercy go unanswered except for the usual response of the com screaming. But on some lighter note I go promoted to Admiral, my life long goal was achieved only because my predecessor shot himself when his homeworld was consumed by the Hoomans, his mate and youngling did not make it of world in time. They now expect me to win this war for them, I don’t know if I can but I am going to try.



Admirals Log 1, My first engagement as an Admiral with the race known as Hooman has ended in our utter defeat, we exited hyperspace right on top of them and they reacted as if they knew we were coming. Are these creatures just super fast or can they see the future? We retreated to Elixal Prime but my few remaining ships will not be enough to hold them off for long. I have already began evacuation but there are not enough ships, they will be here soon,

Admirals Log 5, Elixal Prime is lost, the moment the first of their hive ships arrived we had to abandon any hope of rescuing the population. I can only imagine what horrors they will face. We heard their screams over the com as we left.

Admirals Log 13. I have implemented a scorched earth policy, any world we cannot protect or have to retreat from is scorched to make sure they can’t use it. It will slow them at least.

Admirals Log.16 It did not stop or slow them, in fact it made terraforming the planet for themselves easier so we have abandoned that tactic.

Admirals Log 22. They are spreading faster now, faster than we can track them its like a damn has broken and their entire race is now searching for new worlds to consume. Do they eat their worlds? Is that why they are expanding? for food?

Admirals log 29 the Hoomans have conquered half the galaxy and there are too few of the surviving races with the ships to even try and stop them. Some are talking about surrender. How could we? These creatures are so deadly that even one setting foot on a planet spells disaster as if their whole body was made to house millions of viruses. My old friend was touched by one once, I’ll never forget what happened to him. His skin burned and fell off he bled form every part of his body, his screams, they still haunt me.

Admirals Log 40. Me and the other admirals have agreed that this war cannot be won, we have but one hope, all the survivors of the coalition have gathered in one system. There are only 50 billion left out of a population of thousands of trillions. But our scientists have built a war winning weapon, a huge beam cannon that can destroy fleets. It is very experimental as if uses the power oft he sun to fire. The plan is to use it to defend against the Hoomans in this system indefinitely, let them have the galaxy surely they will let us have one small system?

Admirals Log 50. I was wrong about the Hoomans letting us live here, because here they are, but there is only one hive ship just sitting there watching us. My ship is placed directly opposite it, Im sure i can take on one ship but I know, that silently out there, his friends are watching. Once more our coms go nuts, i turn it off, i have had enough of listening to the sounds of my comrades die over and over again. I open fire and before the munitions hit the Hooman hive ship turns and enters hyperspace. He’ll be back.

Admirals Log 60. The Hoomans are back and it seems they have brought their entire fleet with them, My fleet has over 5000 ships of varying classes and the new solar cannon we built. Just a little closer, i oder the cannon to fire and millions of miles behind my fleet the solar cannon unleashes the power of the sun at the Hoomans. Then…wait? No this is not possible the Hooman fleet is moving and a new kind of ship is taking the lead…it’s huge almost the size of a moon and it is moving to intercept the beam. The solar cannons beam hits the new hive ship but…it does not do what they said it would. It is supposed to destroy the ship then the beam jumps tot the nearest ship and destroys that one and so on. But the ship is…is…absorbing it? the light is dancing around the hive ship and then suddenly fires from the tip, oh no it’s heading for one of the planets! It hit the planet the solar cannon was orbiting and it erupts and breaks apart. 20 billion souls all gone in an instant. Screaming I order to open fire, all 5000 ships unleash our firepower at the Hoomans, with so many ships and so many targets it’s hard to miss. The battle last only an hour. 

Admiral’s log , We’ve lost, our final stand began an hour ago, 3 thousand ships gone, in an hour!!! How could such a race even exist? I sit here reading reports of what their world is like, no wonder they turned out like they did out of all the worlds in the galaxy this one has to be the most hostile one. I’m not going down without a fight though.

Admiral Efre grabbed his rifle and locked his log in the hopes that it might be found by someone who could read it and remember the struggle the galaxy went through. Perhaps in a couple of millennia when the Hoomans have died out. The Hoomans were cutting through the door now, his soldiers all got to their feet and readied their rifles. The pride he felt for them, even in their final moments they were defiant, even though there was nothing and no one left to save.

The door blasts open and we open fire, like before the Hoomans shrug off our shots like they were pebbles, a few go down but it doesnt stop the others. The run into us and…and? They’re not killing us By the Maker they want us alive! Are they going to eat us? One grabs me with its gloved hand and forces me to my knees alongside my soldiers and another enters like the others of it’s kind inside a sealed suit. It lowers itself to look me in the eye and raising a visor to show it’s face.

They’re disgusting, their faces…the proportions are all wrong and only two eyes? How could they see so well with only two eyes? The nose is pitiful in size I can only imagine how strong it was. And the skin, it looks wet like oil, is it acid?

Finally it speaks and the words put the chill of death into me.

“We were only trying to say hello”

You’re my Master Piece - Blind!Levi x Reader

A/N: This is a modern AU and it contains no reference to Attack on Titan. Besides, the character is a bit OOC, for he is only based off of Levi.


(Y/N) was a nice girl, she always has been. No, actually, she was the nice girl.
Yeah you know which one. The one that everybody is friends with because you just can’t hate her, she’s too nice. The one who has soft, wavy hair no matter what, and a clear skin, but once again, you cannot really jealous her to the point where you’d hate her. You simply can’t.
But she was also that girl that everybody took for granted and enjoyed pushing her buttons, to try her limits. The nice girl people underestimated and never took time to get to know, because what else is there to see? She’s just a nice girl.
“Hey, who’s that chick over there?” “Oh (Y/N)? I’m in her math class, she’s a nice girl.”
“I heard that Blake didn’t finish the night alone at your party last night! Do you know who it could be? Probably a girl from your class…” “Well, it can’t be (Y/N), she’s too nice for that.”
Isn’t is weird how ‘nice’ can go from a compliment to a bitter insult depending on who speaks?
That fact took a long time before (Y/N) finally acknowledged the fact that, regardless how she would behave, people would always find her nice. The spectrum went from the genuine 'that’s so nice!’ to the sarcastic 'huh that’s nice’. However, that period of her life was over, and today, in her late twenties, (Y/N) was a fulfilled photographer, with her own art gallery in Chicago, and a nice little apartment in an old brick building that she took pleasure in decorating.

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Masterlist Sebastian Stan Fics

I think it’s clear I will be writing a lot more of this man in the future and my Hiddleston Masterlist is already way too long, so I’m going to split them up from now on.

These are all the Sebastian/Bucky fics I’ve written so far. Any warnings or triggers are in the posts.
Most of these stories are 18+nsfw and quite explicit, some are just pure fluff. I don’t write Bdsm and I don’t take requests (sorry).

Thank you all so much for following, liking, reblogging and leaving me sweet comments!

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One shots:

Rebound: (Sebastian) Erin finds comfort in the arms of a friend after her boyfriend cheats on her. Fluff

The late shift: (Sebastian, based on Lance Tucker) When Kira works the late shift with Sebastian things heat up quickly. 18+ nsfw 

The man on the train: (’Romanian’ Bucky Barnes) After traveling home from a disappointing trip with your boyfriend, who ignores you constantly, you meet a dark handsome stranger on the train who is more than willing to give you the attention you deserve. 18+nsfw

Last Christmas: (Sebastian) You were supposed to spend Christmas with a couple of friends in a cabin outside of the city. When they all fail to get there on time you end up alone with Sebastian, the guy you slept with last Christmas and who then left you for dead. 18+nsfw

All that glitters: (HiddleStan): (Sebastian, Tom Hiddleston) When Tom surprises you with a very expensive big gift on New Year’s Eve your friend Sebastian, who’s always been in love with you, witnesses the whole thing and feels jealous and embarrassed because he got you a much simpler gift. Fluff

Oblivion: (Bucky Barnes) A sad Bucky drabble.

Be with me: (Stucky) After a night of too much drinking Bucky finally confesses his feelings to Steve. Fluff

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Multi chapters:

Who says you can’t go home?: (Bucky Barnes) Jess meets the mysterious Bucky at the homeless shelter where she volunteers and he saves her from an attacker, but is she really safe with Bucky? 18+ nsfw Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7 (finished)

You can cry on my shoulder: (Sebastian) After a break up with your boyfriend you meet your friend Sebastian in the bar and he comforts you. 18+nsfw Part 1, Part 2 (finished)

Amends (HiddleStan): (Sebastian, Tom Hiddleston) Sebastian lives right down the hall from you and one night you end up having amazing sex with him. The morning after however your ex, Tom, is back in town. 18+nsfw Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7 (finished)

Summer charm: (young Sebastian) During his summer job a young Sebastian meets Tess, a married woman who is bored with her life and intrigued by his attention. 18+ nsfw chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4 (finished)

My best friend’s girl: (Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers) Bucky’s been in cryo for a year now, during that time you and Steve have grown closer together. You both want more but are scared to give into your feelings, until one night… 18+nsfw Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7 (finished)

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Masterlist Tom Hiddleston fics

In the Rough

Part 1, Part 2 (you are here), part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, based on @skygemspeaks ‘s prompt


Previously: Yuuri is the prince of the country of Yutopia. His older sister, Crown Princess Mari Katsuki, is readying to ascend to the throne. Due to the stress, she has allowed her relationship with her brother to deteriorate, causing him to leave for the sake of putting less stress on her. While trekking to the neighboring country, Yuuri comes across a carriage, which is soon attacked by bandits. As reward for helping to incapacitate said bandits, neighboring Crown Prince Victor Nikiforov offers him a job as his personal bodyguard, complete, of course with the food and shelter guaranteed of a servant. Yuuri has eight months before he has to go home. Besides, he’s too awkward to refuse.

Not for the first time, Yuuri wonders how he got here. Granted, he already knows exactly how, but that doesn’t stop him from wondering when Victor drags him from the carriage the instant they reach the palace.

“Let’s go, Yuuri! The guards will let Father know that we’re back and we can talk to him after we bathe, since no one is fit to be seen after travelling.” Victor’s grip on his arm is like iron.

Yuuri looks desperately at their companions, all of whom seem to be conveniently busy with their fingernails. “Your Highness, I don’t think–”

“Call me Victor,” Victor says, turning a grin in Yuuri’s direction even as they’re moving. “You don’t need to be so formal with me. After all, we’re going to be spending a lot of time together, Yuuri!”

“Your Highness,” Yuuri says again, refusing to be put off by Victor’s odd behavior, “I don’t think it’s proper for us to bathe together. You are the crown prince, and I am a servant.”

At least, as far as Victor knows. Still, it wouldn’t be appropriate whether Yuuri was there as a prince or as a servant.

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The Virus (Extended)

***Logs of the late Admiral Elfre”

Personal log 1. I got accepted into the coalition military only as a simple deck serf my main duties are cleaning the vents of vermin that somehow make it onto the ships and breed. I also run messages, it’s good exercise but most of the officers don’t even look at me, I’ll show them I’ll make admiral in not time.

Personal Log 6. After helping engineer Lopya with the engine after being stuck in dead space for nearly a week I was promoted to bridge officer, I mainly work the coms console but it is a step in the right direction, i cant wait. 

Personal Log 8. One of our explorer ships has found a new planet, this one is apparently unique and has all our scientists really excited. Not sure how it is unique because I always thought every world in the galaxy was unique but apparently this is one is special. My colleagues are talking about nothing else I might actually keep an eye on the com traffic to see what the fuss is about.

Personal Log 9. Well I read some of the com messages ( I know I’m not supposed to but curiosity got the better of me) and this new world everyone is going crazy over is apparently the only world which can truly be classified as a “Dead World”  But life is not only surviving apparently its thriving. They think their might be intelligent life there, even if the air is toxic and the plant life poisonous and Maker only knows what the animal life is like. I shudder to think of what could survive there.

Personal log 13. The explorer team has gone missing, they were researching a new animal that lived in huge hives and it is believed the creatures may have discovered them. Not sure how I thought they were using this new cloaking technology that makes them invisible? Could these creatures see through it?

Personal Log 14. Workload today was insane, more com traffic than ever, our fleet is being redirected. But on the bright side if I make a good impression the captain might put me on course for deck officer level 2? I can only hope.

Personal Log 16. I’m not sure if this is good or not but our fleet has been chosen to search for that research team that went missing, why we should when we are an explorer fleet not a military fleet. I mean, we only have  handful of actual soldiers on each ship, but then orders are orders.

Personal Log 17. I think I may have made a mistake, the captain wanted a coms officer to go and record to rescue and like an idiot I said I’d do it before I truly thought about it. I’m going to a “Dead world” to find people. I want to live long enough to have wife’s and spawns I don’t want to to go somewhere where i might die. Well I can’t back out now, at least Major Jesa gave me a handgun to use in  case.

Personal Log 18. We landed on the planet at the researchers last known location, we found their base, it was hidden inside one of the hills over looking a herd of fluffy animals that made off “Bahhhh” sounds as they saw us. They were not hostile luckily, we assumed they were prey animals, wee went off to complete our mission. We found one of the trackers the researchers use sot hey don’t get lost, it was badly broken so the log could not be accessed, we bagged it kept on.

Personal Log 19 The nights here are cold, really cold. We set up air tight tents so we did not have to sleep in our suits and even with the heaters we were all shivering. Private Getr joked this was worse than the time he fought against some snow like monsters on a world going through an ice age. i could tell he was not joking, i hate this place.

Personal Log 20. Private Getr’s suit was split yesterday, some plant that has spikes cut his suit and he died in moments, he never had a chance to even seal the split. A pair of his comrades volunteer to take him back to the shuttle and off they go, we are three men down. 

Personal Log 21. The rain, so much rain, I mean it’s not unusual for water to fall from the sky but this is just crazy, we all agree not to out today.

Personal Log 22. We saw the natives, or at least what we think are the most dominant natives here. There were three of them, small and running around in one of the fields playing I think, is that playing or were they fighting for dominance? they were quite small and talked to each other in odd clicking noises. Then the older appeared, far larger than their young, they appeared out of the trees not far from us, then one of them started sniffing the air, no way could they smell us could they? We quickly left before we were discovered. But not before we saw the Hive, it was larger than any city I have seen, how many of these creatures were there.

Personal Log 23. Finally some other sign of the research team, an tent, only one but it’s a sign. We call inside but there is no answer, we slowly make our way inside and find what we feared we would.  A body, His skin was the same as privates Getr’s when his suit split, he was holding a note though all it said was. “Run!”

Personal Log 27. Well I’m glad that’s over with and i can get back to my life, that world is now off limits to everyone now and is under strict quarantine level 10. The first planet to get that level. They even named it Kila, apparently it means death in one of languages spoken in the coalition.   

Personal Log 30. Since my mission to Kila I have gain more responsibility and just yesterday they are giving me my own ship!! It’s only a snall support ship with a few hundred crew but I’m excited. Captain Elfre, i like the sound of that.

Captains Log 36. I’M BORED!!!! This support ship gets almost no mission, all we do is patrol and help the larger ships move into formation, I want a bigger ship!!!! Or at least something to break the boredom.

Captains Log 38. A whole quarantine fleet went missing a couple of days ago, I instantly knew which one before i even heard the planets name, it was Kila. By the Maker have they made it off the that planet? More fleet are being directed and we are on standby if we are needed. I have a feeling we will be.

Captains Log 40. We are needed, the fleet is heading to the quarantine Kila zone.

Captains Log 41. The quarantine is breached the creatures have built ships and a lot of them, these hive ships were scanned and found our own technology on board. They are using our warp drives, did they figure out of they were built? How? Are these things sentient? We take up position to bar their path and we simply stare at each other, we send message after message to try and open a dialog but there is no response. Then over all our coms, a noise like screaming, is that Getr? Are they in my head? Only one word is truly heard. Hooman, our enemy has a name.  The Admiral orders us to open fire and we unleash our weapons upon them, huge pulse cannons and missiles with enough yield to scorch a planet. Nearly all miss. How could they miss and those that hit seemed to only cause minimal damage. Wait are..their ships healing themselves? We scramble to reload and open fire again but the Hoomans fore first, we don’t recognize what kind of weapons they are using but they cut right through our armor, the flagship goes down having been hit by three separate enemy ships. The other captains are screaming orders or trying to regain some kind of control, I shout over the coms that I cam taking command and order the retreat. The war against the Hoomans, has begun.

Captains Log 50. The Hoomans are spreading and spreading fast, every engagement is the same, they break into real space, our coms go haywire and our fleet gets wiped out. We need a different strategy.

Captains Log 54. I have been given command of a new battleship, it is to be the new flagship of a invasion force into Hooman space. Our scientist have theorized that the Hoomans work on a hive mind command structure and if we wipe out the their main hive world Kila the rest will fall into chaos. I don’t know how they can know that as to my mind no Hooman has been captured alive or dead. But I am eager to go on the offensive for once.

Captains Log 55. Our first victory!!! We engaged the Hoomans on the edge of their space and wiped them out, we left the planet as we needed to save our resources for the homeworld but it felt good to drop a few nukes down there. We can do this, we can win!!

Captains Log 57. The Hoomans never seem to run out of ships, we have assembled the largest fleet in the galaxy and that has got their attention, their advance into our space has halted. I have their complete attention, and that terrifies me.

Captains Log 58. We lost half our ships in the last battle and the flagship is heavily damaged we have taken refuge in an asteroid belt to make repairs but the Hoomans are looking for us. They always know where to find us, they always know.

Captains Log 60. I can only engage the Homans one more time before I have to retreat and i am nowhere near their homeworld of Kila, they always seem to have more ships. The last engagement were boarded by them, I have seen every kind of species in the galaxy and we are all different, some are fast, some are strong, some are smart and so on. But never have I seen a race like them. They only have two arms and two legs which is the lowest number of any rce and it seems to work to their advantage. I saw on the security cameras our soldiers fight them in hand to hand and the Hoomans just danced around them. They moved like water and hit like avalanches, our new directive was never to engage them in close combat, you’d never win. Not that shooting them seems to work either, my bridge was breached by them and i shot one in the head with my pistol and it barley flinched, if it wasn’t for a guard with a blaster i would have been dead. Sadly that moment of saving my life cost him his own, he was hit my one of their weapons and his whole body evaporated. Not sure what is a worse way to die, being touched by one of these things or shot. This invasion is over, I’m ordering the retreat.

Captains Log 62. 2 months, that was all the time I bought while invading their space and once more they are on the offensive, consuming world after world and terraforming it so only they can live there. Trillions are now dead and how much further will they spread before they burn themselves out.

Captains Log 65. Our leaders are panicking, the surviving races are merging all their resources in some attempt to turn this tide. Our pleas of surrender and mercy go unanswered except for the usual response of the com screaming. But on some lighter note I go promoted to Admiral, my life long goal was achieved only because my predecessor shot himself when his homeworld was consumed by the Hoomans, his mate and youngling did not make it of world in time. They now expect me to win this war for them, I don’t know if I can but I am going to try.

Admirals Log 1, My first engagement as an Admiral with the race known as Hooman has ended in our utter defeat, we exited hyperspace right on top of them and they reacted as if they knew we were coming. Are these creatures just super fast or can they see the future? We retreated to Elixal Prime but my few remaining ships will not be enough to hold them off for long. I have already began evacuation but there are not enough ships, they will be here soon,

Admirals Log 5, Elixal Prime is lost, the moment the first of their hive ships arrived we had to abandon any hope of rescuing the population. I can only imagine what horrors they will face. We heard their screams over the com as we left.

Admirals Log 13. I have implemented a scorched earth policy, any world we cannot protect or have to retreat from is scorched to make sure they can’t use it. It will slow them at least.

Admirals Log.16 It did not stop or slow them, in fact it made terraforming the planet for themselves easier so we have abandoned that tactic.

Admirals Log 22. They are spreading faster now, faster than we can track them its like a damn has broken and their entire race is now searching for new worlds to consume. Do they eat their worlds? Is that why they are expanding? for food?

Admirals log 29 the Hoomans have conquered half the galaxy and there are too few of the surviving races with the ships to even try and stop them. Some are talking about surrender. How could we? These creatures are so deadly that even one setting foot on a planet spells disaster as if their whole body was made to house millions of viruses. My old friend was touched by one once, I’ll never forget what happened to him. His skin burned and fell off he bled form every part of his body, his screams, they still haunt me.

Admirals Log 40. Me and the other admirals have agreed that this war cannot be won, we have but one hope, all the survivors of the coalition have gathered in one system. There are only 50 billion left out of a population of thousands of trillions. But our scientists have built a war winning weapon, a huge beam cannon that can destroy fleets. It is very experimental as if uses the power oft he sun to fire. The plan is to use it to defend against the Hoomans in this system indefinitely, let them have the galaxy surely they will let us have one small system?

Admirals Log 50. I was wrong about the Hoomans letting us live here, because here they are, but there is only one hive ship just sitting there watching us. My ship is placed directly opposite it, Im sure i can take on one ship but I know, that silently out there, his friends are watching. Once more our coms go nuts, i turn it off, i have had enough of listening to the sounds of my comrades die over and over again. I open fire and before the munitions hit the Hooman hive ship turns and enters hyperspace. He’ll be back.

Admirals Log 60. The Hoomans are back and it seems they have brought their entire fleet with them, My fleet has over 5000 ships of varying classes and the new solar cannon we built. Just a little closer, i oder the cannon to fire and millions of miles behind my fleet the solar cannon unleashes the power of the sun at the Hoomans. Then…wait? No this is not possible the Hooman fleet is moving and a new kind of ship is taking the lead…it’s huge almost the size of a moon and it is moving to intercept the beam. The solar cannons beam hits the new hive ship but…it does not do what they said it would. It is supposed to destroy the ship then the beam jumps tot the nearest ship and destroys that one and so on. But the ship is…is…absorbing it? the light is dancing around the hive ship and then suddenly fires from the tip, oh no it’s heading for one of the planets! It hit the planet the solar cannon was orbiting and it erupts and breaks apart. 20 billion souls all gone in an instant. Screaming I order to open fire, all 5000 ships unleash our firepower at the Hoomans, with so many ships and so many targets it’s hard to miss. The battle last only an hour. 

Admiral’s log , We’ve lost, our final stand began an hour ago, 3 thousand ships gone, in an hour!!! How could such a race even exist? I sit here reading reports of what their world is like, no wonder they turned out like they did out of all the worlds in the galaxy this one has to be the most hostile one. I’m not going down without a fight though.

Admiral Efre grabbed his rifle and locked his log in the hopes that it might be found by someone who could read it and remember the struggle the galaxy went through. Perhaps in a couple of millennia when the Hoomans have died out. The Hoomans were cutting through the door now, his soldiers all got to their feet and readied their rifles. The pride he felt for them, even in their final moments they were defiant, even though there was nothing and no one left to save.

The door blasts open and we open fire, like before the Hoomans shrug off our shots like they were pebbles, a few go down but it doesnt stop the others. The run into us and…and? They’re not killing us By the Maker they want us alive! Are they going to eat us? One grabs me with its gloved hand and forces me to my knees alongside my soldiers and another enters like the others of it’s kind inside a sealed suit. It lowers itself to look me in the eye and raising a visor to show it’s face.

They’re disgusting, their faces…the proportions are all wrong and only two eyes? How could they see so well with only two eyes? The nose is pitiful in size I can only imagine how strong it was. And the skin, it looks wet like oil, is it acid?

Finally it speaks and the words put the chill of death into me.

“We were only trying to say hello”

Alone For The Weekend

Just something I wrote a while ago, thought I’d share it with all of you!!


Harry’s POV


My alarm went off and I realised that it was 7am. Too early to wake up on a Friday. I shut off the annoying alarm and reached over to the other side of the bed, where my wife always slept, but she wasn’t there. I panicked and spoke her name in a worried tone.

“I’m here, Harry.” Her voice came from behind me.

I rolled over onto my other side and saw her standing by the large built-in wardrobe, closing the sliding glass mirror. She was all dressed and her suitcase was up against the wall. It hit me again. My wife was leaving today. She was going to spend three days away from home, in Italy with two of her girlfriends, which left me to look after our two little girls. It wasn’t that I didn’t like spending time with my daughters. I loved it but I had never been left alone with them for longer than 24 hours. This was going to be a new experience for me. (Y/N) saw the look on my face and sat on the edge of the bed, brushing her hand over my bare forearm.

“I’ll be back on Monday morning, babe.”

“It seems like you’re going for longer than that.” I sighed.

“Harry, I’ve coped without you for months at a time, when you went on tour and when you were filming Dunkirk. I’m certain you can last for three days without me.” She said sweetly and leaned down to kiss me. I locked my arm around her neck and pulled her further down, deepening the kiss. My other arm went around her waist and I tugged her onto the bed so that we lay side-by-side. She squealed and I smiled, reconnecting our lips. I was going to be without her kisses for three days. I was going to be without her hugs for three days. The scent of her hair, the fragrance of her skin, making love to her, I wouldn’t have any of it for three whole days. Sure, I had been away from her for months but since finishing Dunkirk and my first solo album, I finally had time for my family and I had gotten used to having my wife around every day. Now, she was the one that was leaving. I didn’t want to let her go but the pressure of her hands on my chest made me release her slightly.

“If you keep kissing me like that, babe, I’ll never leave.” She murmured, burying her face in my neck. I’d love that. But she needed this holiday. The kids exhausted her, I could see it. My girl deserved a bit of fun and relaxation with her girlfriends.

“You have to go. Fae and Lara will kill me if I stop you from going on your little trip.” I said. My wife giggled and looked at me with the big eyes that I had fallen for so deeply very early on.

“Look after the girls for me, Harry.”

“I will, I promise.”

“I should say goodbye to them now. Then I’m going.”

My wife hopped off the bed and picked her handbag off the floor. She pecked my lips one last time and nuzzled her nose against mine.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, (Y/N).” I said, kissing her cheek warmly. She slowly pulled away and in her eyes were the first flood of tears, sparkling brightly. She held them back and took hold of the suitcase handle, opening the bedroom door. My gaze locked to hers for the final time as she blew me a kiss, closing the door, disappearing from the sight.

She was gone.

I lay on my back, in a bed that suddenly seemed too big for just me, the ceiling blank and boring. Because she was gone, everything had been leeched of colour and soul. She lit up this room, this house, this life. My life. I didn’t know how long I stayed in bed for. It must have been at least an hour and I knew that my wife was no longer in the house now, on her way to the airport with Fae and Lara. I dozed in and out of sleep, hardly getting more than 10 minutes because I couldn’t sleep without my girl in my arms. It was a bad sign. How am I going to go to sleep tonight without her? A loud voice cracked me, coming from somewhere down the hall.

“Daddy!”

I rubbed my face with my hands, sighing. It’s started already.

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Bittersweet

» Part one

Everything is grey
His hair, his smoke, his dreams


Author: amsimaria
Word count: 10K
Feature: Jimin x Reader (mentions of other Bts members)
Genre: Angst/slight Fluff (Rated M)
Warnings: Violence, Mentions of sexual acts, Punk Jimin, Depression, Swearing, Addiction, Soft drugs use, (Eventual smut, not in this part).

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Great Minds Think Alike (Riverdale - Jughead x OC) Part 2

Pairing : Jughead x OC

Synopsis : A new girl arrives in town around the time of Jason Blossom’s accident. That alone makes her suspicious and unlikeable to most people. Jughead has every reason to investigate on her, the timing is too perfect, right? And it has nothing to do with the young girl’s odd yet charming way of always seeming to find her way back to him, no matter the situation.  

Word Count : 2.3k

MASTERLIST

Part 1 <<< >>> Part 3

When Jughead saw her walking through the door at Pop’s the next day he was torn between two opposite feelings: utter annoyance at being once again disturbed in his writing, and eagerness to share another conversation with this girl whose ability to use sarcasm as a means of communication matched his. It was a surprise to have her walked straight to his booth and sit down like they were old friends and not merely acquaintances who met the day before.

The truth was, he kind of hoped this would happen – it was a lonely life that of writer and High School outcast. Jughead wasn’t going to deny himself a little company a few hours a day if he could, especially since his best friend bailed on him the day they planned their road trip and hasn’t really spoken to him much since then. Can you feel the bitterness?

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hey friends :)

I’m gonna be real honest with you here, it’s been a long time since I’ve worked on the fake bf fic and writing is hard and life is just overwhelming as hell these days, so if y’all wouldn’t mind giving me just a liiiiittle bit of validation that my writing hasn’t turned to complete crap?? that’d be super cool??? please & thank you, here is what I have of ch. 6, it’s not a lot but hopefully there’s gonna be more soon now that I have some kind of flow???? idk man I love you all thank you for being so ridiculously patient

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1.

I’d been having the dream on and off again since I was a small child. It was always the same, and while I could have it multiple times a week I would only ever have it once a night. It could happen no matter the time of the year.

The dream would begin as I was walking up some wooden steps. They joined on to the small porch area of an incredibly nice house. The house was empty; I always got the impression that the previous occupants had recently moved. Someone would show me inside, though I would never see who it was. I would go into the entrance hall and ahead of me would be the hallway leading to the kitchen. To my left, the living room, and to my right, the stairs. It was a lovely house, open and airy and warm.

Here the dream would skip, and again I would become aware that I was climbing the last of a flight of wooden stairs. This time I would be on the upstairs landing. Now the atmosphere had changed; I felt tense, uneasy. It was colder. Without my permission my feet would carry me to the right, along the hallway. I would pass two doors; the first on my left (a bedroom), and the second just ahead of it on my right (a bathroom). I would stop at the end of the hallway, in front of the final door. It would open on its own.

Seated in front of me, on a single chair in an otherwise empty room, would be an elderly man. He was incredibly old, probably in his nineties. He was visibly sick, and I remember being able to see the veins in his papery hands.

“Close the door,” he said. “You don’t want to see this.”

Something would grab my arm from behind, and I would wake up.

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A new kind of fire

I’m still pretty new to writing fanfiction and OH MY GOD IT’S SO MUCH FUN.

OK so this is one of the Fangirl scenes I was really curious about, decided to add on to it, got a bit carried away and spent my day doing this instead of revising for exams oops.

‘Knowing you, you’ll bring the both of us down just to spite me.’

‘You’re not worth that,’ Simon spat, wishing Baz would focus his energy on pulling them safely from the cliff edge instead of taunting him.

‘Careful, Snow, I’m the only thing between you and a very steep fall.’

He supposed Baz had a point; maybe now wasn’t the best time for insults. Simon’s feet scrabbled against the cliff face, and rocks fell away like breadcrumbs under his sneakers. He gripped Baz’s upper arms like they were his lifeline (actually, they were his lifeline).

‘Stop squirming,’ Baz growled, his face strained. They were nose-to-nose now, and below them was nothing but air and certain death.

‘Crowley, Snow, you’re heavy.’ They moved back an inch. Encouraged, Baz heaved upwards. Simon’s foot hit the cliff at a painful angle, and a large chunk of rock clattered towards the ground. They both paused for a moment, counting the long seconds before they heard the rock smashing far below.

‘Snow, you twat!’ Baz was slipping now; his stomach was almost over the edge of the cliff.

For the first time it occurred to Simon that his roommate’s life was in danger.

‘Baz!’ Simon’s hands slipped; he was now holding onto Baz’s elbows. ‘Baz, I’m gonna fall.’

‘No, you’re not,’ Baz growled.

‘You’re gonna fall, Baz, let go!’

Baz’s left arm slid out of Simon’s grasp. This was it, his last moments on Earth would be spent staring at Baz’s snarling face. Was that going to be his great profound fate?

On love’s light wings!’ Baz’s wand was in his right hand, pointed at the sky. Both boys floated slowly upwards, connected by one hand. Baz wrapped his wand arm around Simon’s waist and they floated to safety, well behind the cliff face.

As soon as his feet hit the ground, Simon stumbled away from Baz. His heart was beating fast and he rounded on Baz.

‘You’re a magician! Of course! How could it possibly take you so long to think of that?’

‘I just saved your life, Snow, you’re welcome,’ Baz shook his head, shoving his wand back in his pocket. ‘Just fucking typical, Snow. I should’ve let you fall.’

‘Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? You finally get your chance, I’m practically dead, and you rush out and save my life? Are you sure you’re okay, Baz?’

Baz sneered and turned away. ‘When you die, Snow, it’ll be an epic defeat, not a fucking accident.’

***

It had been an unusual day.

Simon had woken up in the early hours of the morning, when it was still dark, and found Baz staring out their window up at the stars. That was weird in itself, but stranger yet was the wistful expression on his moonlit face. Dreamy-eyed was definitely not an expression Simon was used to seeing on his roommate’s face. Then again, it had been dark, and he had been barely awake, so he might have been mistaken. Baz was probably just doing some nighttime plotting.

Still, the image stayed in Simon’s mind through his dreams and he remembered it clearly as anything when he woke up.

After breakfast, Simon had gone back up to their room and found Baz hunched over a piece of paper, scribbling furiously. This was also unusual, as Baz never studied in their room and definitely never wrote down his plotting, at least not anywhere Simon had ever seen him. When Baz looked up and saw Simon standing in the doorway staring, his face went bright red and he immediately lit a flame in his hand and fed the paper to it. It would be an understatement to say that Simon found this extremely suspicious.

(It was also unsettling to see Baz blush so darkly. Simon felt the heat rush to his own cheeks, mirroring him.)

Then Simon watched Baz slip out towards the woods and impulsively decided to resume his fifth-year stalking practices. He walked a good distance behind Baz and treaded as softly as he could. They walked for at least an hour and Simon soon realised that the path they were taking was unfamiliar to him. He’d never been in this part of the woods before; he’d had no reason to wander this far. Baz walked quickly with purpose to his long strides and Simon was sure this wasn’t just a leisurely stroll. Baz was definitely up to something, and Simon was going to find out what it was.

The trees began to thin gradually, until Simon could see the open sky above him, and soon enough he was walking hesitantly among shrubs. If Baz happened to glance behind him, it would be impossible to hide. Simon waited until Baz was just a small figure in the distance before continuing to follow him.

In the blink of an eye, Simon lost sight of his roommate. He stopped, blinked, and searched again, but Baz was nowhere to be seen. His hand hovered by his hip, ready to call up the Sword of Mages at a moment’s notice. Cautiously, Simon moved forward again, his eyes scanning the horizon, looking for any sign of Baz or something more threatening.

He wasn’t sure how long he walked like this for; eventually, his hand fell back to his side and his mind started to wander. For some reason, he was thinking about the time he found Baz in an empty classroom playing the violin. He was thinking about how poised Baz had seemed, but not the sharp kind of control he usually displayed, it was something softer, more peaceful.

That was another strange moment of vulnerability he could add to today’s incidents. Except that in the case of the violin, even Simon couldn’t imagine how Baz could have been plotting. And the music had been so beautiful…

That was when Simon fell over the cliff. One second he was playing back the haunting emotion in Baz’s music and the next, he was stepping out into nothing, stumbling forward and almost toppling over to his death. It was lucky there was a small outcrop in the cliff edge to hang onto, and it was lucky Baz appeared out of nowhere to rush to his rescue, throwing himself onto the ground and grabbing onto Simon just before the rock fell away.

***

Simon was explaining all of this to Penny (except for the part where he thought Baz’s music was beautiful, because that was embarrassing) as they sat in the dining hall later that day, Simon scarfing down cherry scones while he talked. Penny watched him with her eyebrow raised, considering the information after Simon had finished talking.

On love’s light wings?’ she said finally. ‘That’s the spell Baz used?’

‘Really, Penny? Out of everything I said, and Baz disappearing, and the cliff, that’s the part that catches your atten…’ Simon let his sentence fall away. He hadn’t taken much notice of the spell before, due to the obviously more pressing concern of his imminent loss of life and then Baz’s arm around him, flying him to safety. But now he remembered the conversation he’d had with Penny in their fourth year where he’d complained about the uselessness of up, up, and away if you weren’t in the presence of a friend. Penny had told him about a different spell that could make you fly… that only worked if you were stupidly in love.

Simon stared at Penny, open-mouthed.

‘Baz is in love?’ he said dumbly.

Penny fell back in her chair, laughing.

***

Baz still wasn’t quite sure why he’d done it. Why he’d led Snow to the cliff once he realised he was being followed, only to turn around and save his life. He wasn’t sure if he’d made himself invisible to make sure Snow would actually walk off the cliff, or if he’d done it so that he could stand right nearby when it happened, ready to hold onto him. He hadn’t thought Snow would be stupid enough to actually fall off. He’d been watching the whole time, of course, and he’d seen the way Snow gradually let his guard down, staring into space, not looking where he was going. And then literally just walking straight off the cliff edge.

Crowley, Snow was more of an idiot than even Baz had realised. He shook his head in disbelief.

And now Snow was back to his old antics, following Baz around everywhere he went, peering at him over the edge of his books, sitting right behind him in class, never letting him out of his sight. Baz should have been used to this; Snow’s paranoia knew no bounds. After all these years, it still set his nerves on edge.

Baz was in class now, and Simon was right behind him, and he could physically feel Snow’s glare boring into the back of his head. He turned around and met Snow’s blue eyes with a cool stare, his lip curling slightly. What was surprising was that Simon’s stare was curious, puzzling, rather than his usual suspicious glare.

‘Baz,’ Snow said, after he’d turned back around.

‘What.’ Baz set his jaw and turned around to glare at Snow again.

‘Um. Just, you know, I didn’t say thanks. For saving my life. So yeah. Thanks.’

Baz rolled his eyes.

‘Anytime, Snow.’

‘… You don’t mean that.’

‘Of course I don’t. Sod off, Snow.’

‘Though it was technically your fault I fell in the first place,’ Simon mused.

‘Not really. You walked right off the cliff, you moron.’

‘True, I guess,’ Simon mumbled, his cheeks going red. Snow blushed so much, it was ridiculous.

Baz couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking.

‘So, that spell you used,’ Snow said.

‘What spell?’

On love’s light wings. Apparently, you have to be -’

‘It’s a flight spell,’ Baz snapped. ‘And a difficult one. Too advanced for you, Chosen One.’

He was pretty sure he knew what Snow had been about to bring up. Too bad the boy was stupid enough to walk off a cliff, but apparently too smart not to have realised what Baz’s use of the spell meant. And Baz was never, ever talking about that. Certainly not with him.

***

But when Snow got an idea into his head, nothing would stop him. Baz found his roommate rummaging in his bags when he walked in the room that afternoon. Snow had never dared before, no matter how tempting it must have been, no matter how clear Baz made it that he was plotting Snow’s demise. He’d also made it very clear that Snow’s demise would be imminent if he so much as breathed near Baz’s belongings, and Snow had every reason to believe him.

And now, apparently, this was important enough to risk Baz’s wrath.

Snow looked guilty at having been caught, but not guilty enough, Baz thought. He cursed the Anathema.

***

Baz even found Snow talking to Dev and Niall in the hallway. He had cornered them after a class, it seemed, and was digging for information. Baz sent him away with his meanest glare and discovered that Snow had been not-so-subtly prying into his love life.

Curse that stupid spell. He should have let Snow fall rather than use it, and risk giving away the one secret that would be his undoing.

Because if Snow found out, Baz didn’t think he could survive.

***

‘I’ve tried everything I can think of,’ Simon complained. ‘I can’t figure it out. Dev and Niall were useless, of course. They probably don’t know. And if they did, they obviously wouldn’t tell me. And there was nothing in his bag. And he knows I’m following him so he never does anything to give it away. I think he’s intentionally trying to make me think he’s plotting, but he’s obviously just trying to lead me off the trail. He probably wasn’t even plotting the other day at the cliff. Maybe he was meeting someone.’

‘Simon Snow insisting that Baz isn’t plotting. The world is upside down!’ Penny declared.

They were sitting out by the pitch, Penny jotting down some notes for an assignment, Simon keeping a close eye on Baz. He’d already given up any pretense of having a good reason to be out here. Who cared if Baz knew Simon was watching him? Let him be unnerved, for once. But if Simon was trying to unnerve his roommate, he was definitely failing. Baz was as flawless as always on the pitch, his gaze full of steely determination, never wavering. Never giving anything away.

Simon growled, frustrated.

‘I just want to know who it is! It might be the first time I have a chance at getting the upper hand on Baz, in the eight years we’ve been doing this.’

‘Simon, you’re the Mage’s heir, I’m pretty sure you have the upper hand -’

‘Imagine, Penny, the idea, it’s ludicrous. Baz Pitch, in love! Can you imagine?’ he said, ignoring her.

She rolled her eyes. ‘Si, you’re obsessed.’

They both paused, watching Baz sprint down the field. He was strong, graceful, unstoppable. As if proving the point, Baz scored.

Simon shook his head.

‘Just look at him, Penny. That’s his weakness. His one weakness, the one thing that isn’t cold and hard and unbreakable. I gotta know who it is.’

***

But how could he ever find out? Baz would never do anything to give it away. Years of trying to unveil his plots made that clear to Simon. Baz would never be caught staring wistfully at some poor unsuspecting girl. Baz would never absentmindedly doodle her name in the margins of his homework. Baz would never give anything away or let his emotions overrule his conscious mind - what about his unconscious mind?

Simon rolled over under the covers and stared at his roommate’s sleeping form. Did vampires dream? What would Baz dream about, if he did? If only there was a spell for that, Simon thought. If only he could get into Baz’s dreams…

Baz being in love went against everything Simon knew about him - he was cold, and evil, and ruthless, and hateful. Simon couldn’t wrap his head around the idea.

Simon felt himself finally drifting off to sleep, thoughts and clues and ideas still fighting each other in his head. Who was it? Who did Baz love? How could he ever figure it out?

‘It’s you.’ It was Baz’s voice, murmuring in the dark.

Simon jolted awake and found himself still facing Baz’s side of the room. His eyes adjusted until he could make out the outline of Baz’s body in the dark, buried under the covers. He stayed perfectly still, listening hard. He was sure Baz had said something…

‘It’s you, Simon,’ Baz whispered, and this time Simon was sure he’d heard right. But minutes passed and Baz remained silent, and soon Simon drifted off to sleep.

***

Simon sat up and took in the empty room, Baz’s bed neatly made as always. He could hear water running in the bathroom. He yawned widely and stretched his arms over his head, then froze as he remembered last night. Slowly, Simon lowered his arms back to his sides and thought it over carefully.

He’d been tired. He’d been drifting in and out of sleep, and he wasn’t sure which phase he’d been in when Baz had spoken. It didn’t feel like a dream…

‘Good morning, Snow,’ Baz said pointedly. Simon realised he’d been staring as Baz walked out of the bathroom and over to the door.

‘It was until you came in,’ Simon answered automatically, his heart sinking.

Baz had called him Simon, he remembered.

That meant it had definitely been a dream.

***

Baz breathed a sigh of relief as he closed the door behind him.

Thank snakes, he thought. He doesn’t remember.

***

Simon hated it when he got these dreams. It happened every now and then, especially since he’d figured out that Baz was in love. The subconscious was a strange thing, and he had no control over it. It was random, and it meant nothing, but it was so annoying. He would think about the dream all day and blush every time he saw Baz, cursing his dreams for offering up such weird and repulsive suggestions.

But he could never get it out of his head.

And now he couldn’t convince himself he didn’t wish it was real.

He never could, anymore.

***

Baz had thought Simon was asleep. Obviously. He never would have said anything otherwise. Simon had been mumbling about Baz being in love. This was clearly the focus of all his recent investigations, and Baz knew he would never be speculating out loud unless he was talking in his sleep. So when Simon asked who he loved, Baz answered him. He just wanted to say it out loud. He just wanted to say it to Simon, just once.

And then he’d said it and Simon had stopped mumbling and Baz wasn’t sure but he thought maybe Simon’s eyes were open and he’d been terrified that Simon was awake and had heard him and now he was done for.

But it was okay. Simon didn’t remember.

***

Simon stopped following Baz around. He stopped asking questions.

He didn’t want to know anymore. He knew it wasn’t him, it would never be him.

He didn’t want to know who Baz loved.

***

Baz was feeling hopeful.

And that was treacherous. Hope was a dangerous thing to be feeling.

Simon had stopped following him around. He’d stopped asking questions. He’d stopped accusing him of plotting. He’d stopped throwing insults.

But he hadn’t stopped watching him out of the corner of his eye, and he hadn’t stopped being wary every time Baz was nearby, and, Crowley, he hadn’t stopped blushing.

Baz had to wonder if maybe Simon hadn’t forgotten that night. Maybe, maybe, maybe…

But hope was treacherous.

***

Simon hated this. He hated feeling this way and he wished he’d never realised the truth of it.

Because Simon was terrible at hiding his emotions, and he knew it, and Baz probably knew it.

And it was foolish, so foolish, to imagine that it could be him. His love’s light wings.

***

Simon was talking in his sleep again.

Baz had been hoping this would happen. He was already facing his roommate, cursing his loudly beating heart. He didn’t want to miss a word. Just in case…

Simon’s muttering was unintelligible. Every now and then, Baz caught a phrase.

‘I don’t know.’

That wasn’t helpful, that didn’t mean anything.

‘Don’t do that.’

That wasn’t helpful either. For Crowley’s sake, Snow, please say something.

‘Baz.’

He held his breath.

‘This is stupid.’

Please keep talking, Simon.

‘Penny, I think I love Baz.’

***

Simon was tired. He’d slept in fits last night and he had an assignment to work on and he still couldn’t get any of his spells right for Miss Possibelf’s class. He didn’t even want to acknowledge the other thing that was draining all his energy.

He was grumpy. And he was hungry, despite the heaping plate of breakfast in front of him. He was glaring at Baz, who sat with his friends a few feet away. He was glaring at Baz because Baz was smiling. Baz wasn’t smirking or sneering at something his friends said, or even smiling his ‘I have an evil plan up my sleeve’ smile, or his ‘Snow just majorly screwed up’ gloating smile. (Simon could tell the difference between all of Baz’s smiles.) He was grinning, a full-on beaming smile, his eyes dancing, and Simon was unnerved to say the least.

He told himself he was unnerved because anything that would make Baz that happy had to be really awful for him. He had a sneaking suspicion that the real reason he was so unnerved was because… well, Baz was beaming and it was like the fucking sun just exploded.

***

Baz wanted to let Simon stew a little longer. He could see Simon staring at him across the dining hall and it was all he could do not to squirm happily in his chair (that would be extremely mortifying. He would not do that.). He could see everything Simon was thinking; he could see nervous and terrified and all of the same angst Baz had felt over the past years.

And he wanted to do something big, something amazing to wipe it all away.

***

‘Come with me, Snow,’ Baz said, standing by the door. It was evening and Simon had just stopped in their room to drop off some books. He hadn’t expected to see Baz there (he’d started blushing as soon as he did). He definitely hadn’t expected Baz to speak to him or invite him anywhere (his mind started imagining all sorts of impossibilities as soon as he did).

‘Why?’ Simon asked, bewildered.

‘Just come on.’

Baz’s face was stoic now, giving nothing away. Maybe all the smiling really did have something to do with Simon’s imminent downfall…

He didn’t care.

He suspected that even if he knew he was heading towards certain death, he would still follow Baz there.

***

Baz walked silently towards the woods.

‘Going to shove me off the cliff this time, finish what you started?’

‘What you started, Snow,’ Baz said, smirking. Simon was going to get one hell of a surprise…

‘What were you even doing that day?’

‘You’re so nosey.’

‘I have plenty of reasons to be suspicious,’ Simon retorted.

‘Do you think I was plotting?’ Baz said, still smiling.

‘Were you?’

‘Do you think I’m plotting now?’

***

Simon honestly couldn’t say. Baz seemed too happy, he seemed almost giddy, and now Simon didn’t want to follow him. Whatever Baz did, he wasn’t sure he could hold it together. He wasn’t sure he could keep this secret anymore.

‘Are you coming, Snow?’

Baz looked behind him at Simon, standing frozen, torn between following him to the ends of the Earth and running as far away as he could.

Simon stared above Baz’s head; he couldn’t meet his eyes.

‘I…’

He might go off. Baz was staring at him and his heart was pounding so fast and he was terrified and he might go off.

‘Okay,’ Baz said suddenly, walking back to Simon’s side. ‘Okay. Forget the sunset and the stars and… it was stupid. Okay. I’ll just do this.’

Baz took Simon’s hand. They both stared as Baz wound his fingers through Simon’s.

Simon’s hand was prickling. This was a new kind of fire, different to the magic coursing beneath his skin.

He looked up from their joined hands into Baz’s grey eyes, dark now like a brewing storm.

Then Baz moved forward, impossibly slowly, and Simon felt his eyes closing. This couldn’t be real, this couldn’t be happening.

They were kissing now.

And it was definitely real. Even Simon’s dreams couldn’t invent something like this.

This was a new kind of fire.

Slytherins Aren't That Bad

thomas jefferson x reader

prompt: you were a new hufflepuff who was very quiet and kept to herself. you weren’t the best witch and often practiced when you were alone and no one was there to watch you. well, at least you thought you were alone.

a/n: i never write any tjeff fics and i love harry potter immensely so here’s some tjeff harry potter fluff. for anyone who doesn’t know their spells, accio is a summoning spell and expelliarmus is a disarming spell. 

-

“Accio book!” You commanded, swishing and flicking your wand sharply in the direction of the book stack sitting across from you.

The only movement you received was a slight rising of the book placed on the top of the stack, the pages fluttering ever so gently only to sputter and revert back to their original position, not a single action afterwards.

You groaned, placing your wand beside you and rubbing your face tiredly as you let out another huff of frustration. You were hopeless, completely and utterly hopeless. You were never passing this class let alone any quizzes or exams thrown your way. Hours spent in this corridor alone practicing spells that didn’t slide off your tongue the way others so effortlessly performed were all gone to waste.

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Forever an immigrant

In 1996, my dad was assigned to go work overseas at Samsung’s new semiconductor chip manufacturing plant in Austin, Texas. Initially, he was hesitant to go. It would mean uprooting his entire life, and plus he didn’t want his children growing up losing sight of their Korean heritage. But they sent him anyway, and thus began our family’s strange, but exciting new life in America, born out of my dad’s enormous sacrifice.

There were language barrier issues and little culture shock mishaps since the beginning, sure. Since the first grade, I remember starting off every new school year with a plea to not to embarrass myself by messing anything up with my English, to not give away the fact that I was different in any way from my classmates. But my dad’s fears came true as I gradually became more comfortable speaking English to my friends than speaking Korean at home. I knew the conversion became complete as soon as I started dreaming and thinking in English. It made my school life easier for me at the time, but looking back on it now, I wish I hadn’t been so quick to try to assimilate.

My mom and dad moved back to Korea when I left for college, their parental duties having been fulfilled by giving their kids that “coveted” American education. That’s why it came as such a shock to me when they casually dropped a bombshell — after 20 years of forming my life and identity in the US, they wanted me to come back to Korea after graduation. To them, it was expected that their kids would learn everything they could from America, then return to Korea and make use of what they’d learned.

I fought, cried, and argued with them for months. I was finally ready to enter the world I had worked so hard to be accepted by, and this felt like wiping out right before the finish line. Then, three months before graduation, my dad had a stroke and the decision was made for me. I finished school early and decided to forego the graduation ceremony because I knew what I had to do — I would be going back to live with my parents, at least until my dad got better and I gained some sort of idea about what I wanted to do with my life. We made an informal deal that I would stick it out for three years, and give my birthplace a chance. And like a dutiful daughter, I did what they asked me to, working and living for three years in a country that was now as foreign as America first was to me in 1996.

People in Korea often ask gyopos (Korean-Americans), “Which do you like better, Korea or America?” They look at me expectantly, jealousy in their eyes for my fluent English and American citizenship. I don’t know what answer they’re looking for. I usually laugh and give my stock response, one I’ve picked up from hearing so many times: “Korea is the most fun Hell, but America is the most boring Heaven.” It’s a desperate, vague attempt to appease both of my identities. Looking back on my words now, I’m ashamed. How did I live my life thinking this, so blissfully unaware? After the events of last night, I can no longer think of America as the heaven I once thought it was.

Three lonely but eye-opening years passed. I experienced the beautiful and ugly sides of Korea, traveled to nearby countries in Asia, and saw how privileged I was to be able to live this dual life. After I finally saved up enough money to move back on my own and secured a job in America, I made the leap. For the most part, repatriation has been a smooth transition, but I’m consumed by guilt and dread for the future when I think about the aging parents I left behind in Korea. Though they gave their reluctant blessing to let me have the life and career I’ve longed to have in America, their worries are ever-looming in the back of my mind. I want to prove to them that they made the right decision, but every day is a struggle to convince my parents that I am okay here, that I’m safe in a country 7,000 miles away from them. And now in the wake of Trump’s victory, the implications that a deeply racist nation elected him make it harder for me to justify my living here to them.

The past few years for me have been the most accelerated crash-course in learning what it means to be Korean-American, and last night felt like a “fuck you” to everyone who looks like me. An Asian immigrant, and a woman at that. It feels like the failed culmination of a 20-year struggle to fit in, of yearning to look like my white classmates, for someone to look at me and not think I’m completely out of place. I’m most afraid of people who I thought were my friends, but stayed silent and walked into the voting booth yesterday to cast a ballot for Trump. I knew America feared us, but this just confirmed it. It feels like a punch to the gut because it proves that my parents were right.

I’m lucky to have spent most of my formative years in California and to be currently living in the diversity of New York, but yesterday, my paranoia that the people around me don’t see me as part of their white America was confirmed. Even though my job has allowed me to surround myself with like-minded people, ultimately my carefully curated social media feed has allowed me to live this last election cycle in a bubble. But now that bubble has popped, and today feels like when the lights turn on at the club and you realize you’d been dancing with a dirty mop.

The most disturbing part about a Trump presidency is the fact that half the people who came out to vote agreed with a sexist, racist maniac — and half of all Americans stayed home and watched him get elected. And these people aren’t so visibly different from you, or me. Even the Hillary supporters right now, the ones who are looking for ways out by threatening to leave to Canada, are part of the problem. Now more than ever, we need white allies to step up and show their support for millions of Muslim, Black, Latino, Asian, and LGBTQ+ Americans who have always been — even more so today — living in fear. Something is incredibly broken when the immediate response to a new president-elect is “I’m scared.”

For the rest of us POCs, we have to keep living our lives and create art and make ourselves heard, because we can’t keep waiting around for America to do it for us. We’re a nation of immigrants and minorities, and we’re going to keep creating and building things that are going to be better than a fucking wall.