novelty mug

i fidget with my cube, looking over at my gamber babe gf…

“hey…youre my princess peach right…?”

she rolls her eyes, sipping mountain dew out of her novelty minecraft creeper mug. “fus-ro-duh.”

Why do I need a boss when I already boss myself around?!

The ‘Why do I Need a Boss’ black mug is NOW AVAILABLE ON AMAZON!

Click here to order yours now!

Richie Tozier and His Glasses: Some Head Canons No One Wants

From an actual glasses-wearing person, featuring some accidental Reddie, Stozier, and Streddie

  • Richie was born with perfect vision, straight up 20/20, could see all the leaves on the trees and every feather on a bird’s wing, all that shit. He could read road signs a mile away and the chalk board from the back of the classroom. Until he couldn’t. It happened slowly, starting when he was about seven. Suddenly, everything started to get a bit fuzzy. And then kinda blurry. He didn’t realise until Stan was standing right in front of him one day, when he was ten, and he couldn’t even make out Stan’s facial features. Cue freak out
  • He got glasses. He maybe cries about it when no one is looking because that’s a really scary change for a kid. And kid glasses suck, they never sit properly, and they’re clunky and awkward, and Richie’s were even worse because his prescription was so strong. Like, he may as well have had Coke bottle bottoms in the frames instead of lenses. He felt like he was looking through a fishbowl. (As he got a little older, he grew into them, and he started learning his English Guy Voice because ‘all stuffy English people have glasses, Stan, it fits perfectly!’)
  • He gets bullied a lot for them, especially when he first gets them. He knows he looks kinda ridiculous, but come on! He can’t help it! And crying makes them fog up, so stop being mean to him you assholes!
  • When he’s in his late teens and he has a job and a bit of money, he can finally, FINALLY replace the shitty frames he’s had for six years that are more tape now than they are plastic. He’s going to get new frames, and contacts too. There’s this buy two for the price of one deal on at the optometrist too, so that’s a bonus. “I’m gonna get a black pair that are all sleek and cool for work, and a bright, fun pair for all other times!” = famous last words, because this is Richie Tozier we’re talking about
  • Both pairs are ridiculous. One has white frames, and tiny little pineapples printed all down the arms, and the other ones are bright purple on the outside, fluorescent pink on the inside, with silver stripes over the joints. When he comes back to the apartment he’s sharing with Stan and Eddie (which is another story for another day) Eddie and Stan are beside themselves laughing because they knew! They knew Richie would find the most obnoxious frames on offer. Then he shows them the contact trials he got, and Eddie nearly dies he’s laughing so hard because the contacts! Are bright blue!
  • Richie tells Stan later that he has to get coloured contacts or he won’t be able to see them to put them on, but Eddie had looked so thrilled that Richie didn’t want to make him feel bad for laughing. Stan just pats him on the head and says, “Sure, Richie.”
  • Richie has a love-hate relationship with coffee now. Love, because he lives off the crap, and hate, because hot drinks fog his glasses up and it’s annoying. Eddie has a whole pile of pictures of Richie drinking out of his novelty mugs with fogged up glasses and a big pout on his face. He does one up as a card for Richie’s birthday one year like it’s a picture in a bird watching guide ‘Wild Richies have not yet adapted to steamy climates’ and Richie thinks it’s fucking hilarious (“Stan the Man Gets Off A Good One!”)
  • He has mixed emotions about his contacts and his glasses because they both have pros and cons, but he can’t see without either of them, so… Some days he just flips a coin about which he’s going to wear, but most of the time it depends on if he wants to look cool and presentable (contacts) or if he can’t be bothered fussing with his appearance (glasses)
  • The first time Richie kisses anyone, it’s Stan, and they’re both really drunk and they’re at Bill’s house for a party, and Stan gets this weird bruise in the middle of his cheek from where the corner of Richie’s glasses poked him sharply when the shorter boy had leaned up a bit too quickly
  • The first time Richie makes out with anyone, it’s a girl he met at a different party, and she takes Richie’s glasses off without asking because they keep bumping against her forehead. It’s the first time Riche has come close to having a panic attack since that thing that happened one summer when they were kids, because he can’t see, he can’t see, he can’t see! And the girl doesn’t really get why he’s freaking out, and she gives the glasses back and goes to get Eddie, who hugs Richie tightly and takes him home because he’s suddenly really embarrassed
  • Luckily, the next people he makes out with are Eddie and Stan, respectively, and they both ask him before sliding Richie’s glasses off, and they always make sure he knows where he is if he gets a little too out of it to remember properly
  • Richie is one of those ‘push up the nose bridge’ kind of adjusters, but sometimes he misses and puts his fingers on the lenses. His shirts are always the Wrong Material when he needs to wipe his glasses, so Eddie has started carrying a glasses cloth because Stan threatened to make Richie sleep by himself if he wiped them on Stan’s shirt again (in Stan’s defence, the one time Richie used his shirt, he was wiping drops of coffee off his lenses as well as finger prints, and it was a pale grey shirt that was forever ruined)
  • Stan always knows where Richie’s glasses are if he takes them off and puts them in a strange place, and Eddie looks after him when having Fucked Up Vision gives him major headaches sometimes, and they both help him through his episodes when it hits him all of a sudden that his entire sense of able-bodied-ness relies on these stupid pieces of plastic that he’s totally helpless without
  • I lost where this was going, but! Richie and his glasses! I am not Projecting, not at all!

I imagine that Ilvermorny starts out as Hogwarts 2.0 but by now it’s changed because there’s no way American Wizards wouldn’t want to be independent from the British because ‘Murica!! so have some modern Ilvermorny headcanons:

- Mostly everyone uses pens and spiral notebooks. Quills and parchment are too outdated for these kids. 

- There’s been an ongoing fight for the elimination of uniforms since the 70′s. As of the 90′s they get to wear whatever they want on fridays, holidays, and the last day of school so long as they aren’t in trouble with the administration.

- During the weekends the kids have the option to use underground passages to get to a facility far away enough from the school where they can use their muggle devices. Movie nights projected on the walls are a popular event.

- There are bike lanes on campus because the students love to bring their bikes,skateboards, rollerblades, and scooters to school.

-The classes about no-maj culture is TONS better than the one at hogwarts. American wizards are generally up to date with muggle culture and politics. Most even vote during elections when they become of age.

-Each grade level has a representative and there are meetings held where they discuss possible events and can address various issues to the headmaster. You can even “impeach” your rep with enough signatures and a student held trial with a jury and everything.

-Student held trials are actually a popular way to settle disputes, but the administration had to create a set of rules that define an “appropriate dispute for the court” after a traumatic year long trial involving a broken novelty mug.

-There’s a drama department and they like to perform no-maj plays/musicals at the end of the year. 

-The popularity of quidditch is dwindling. Ultimate Frisbee played on brooms is becoming the new favorite on campus.

-Your are not required to sit with your house during meals and many like to eat outside the cafeteria.

- Students are only required to dorm with their house until 3rd year. During the summer before their 4th year they and other friends regardless of house can apply to share a room together.

Merry Christmas @watsonofabitch!

I hope you enjoy this :D

Read on AO3

Bad Santa

“Wait, what?” Stiles sputters, spitting Cheetos everywhere. He twists round to stare at Scott, the episode of Brooklyn 99 they’re watching forgotten.

“Secret Santa.”

Stiles gapes. “Seriously?”

Scott shrugs, “I thought it would be nice.”

“Nice.”

“Y’know, promote pack bonding or whatever.”

“And you couldn’t have mentioned this earlier?”

“I sent a text,” Scott’s face falls. “Oh, wait, I sent it a couple of weeks back, around the time your phone was broken.”

“Oh my god, Scott. When I didn’t get back to you, you could have e-mailed me. Or skyped. Or written me a letter or something.”

“There were giants, man. Actual giants. I was distracted.” Stiles rolls his eyes, and Scott sighs. “I honestly thought you knew. I didn’t make the connection between the lack of reply and the broken phone until just now.”

Keep reading

softjimon  asked:

table jace AU yes or yes?

okay so i fucking hate myself but here we go!! disclaimer: this is purely crack and entirely because i accidentally told @softjimon about this au as a joke and then couldn’t stop talking about it and now IT FUCKING EXISTS SO:

  • so jace is like….a table
  • to clarify, it’s not that he has similar qualities to a table. it’s that he literally shapeshifts into a table
  • he’s a…were-table, for lack of a better word. 
  • okay, okay, if we wanna get more elegant about it, you can say that jace has a superpower or something where he can manifest his energy into whatever he desires, but because of some mental struggles he has he’s stalled at table. 
  • so whenever he gets frustrated or scared or angry, he turns into a table.
  • god, i can’t believe i’m still writing this
  • anyway one day jace goes to the local thrift store to see if he can find any novelty mugs, because they always have a strange collection there. 
  • he’s rocking back and forth on his feet, trying to talk himself out of buying the mug with a cat crawling along it’s handle - does he need it, even though it’s absolutely the cutest fucking thing he’s ever seen? - when the hot dude from his formal composition class walks into the store. 
  • jace just fucking panics because he may or may not have kissed the dude - simon - while he was drunk at a party last week and the thing is he likes simon, and likes the way he speaks, all animated and kind and enthusiastic, and he wants to take him on a date or something, not be the random dude who kissed him like an obnoxious frat boy. 
  • so jace does the only logical thing he ever does when he panics, which is, you know, turning into a fucking table
  • i hope you can guess what happens next
  • simon thinks “what a neat table!” and buys himself a coffee table for the room he rents from magnus!! since there’s no price tag on the “table”, the store owner, who’s completely mystified, agrees to give it to him for nearly free!! what a fucking steal!!
  • now jace-the-table is in simon’s room!!! jace is a table, so he can’t express emotion that well, but if he were in human form he would be screaming right about now. 
  • but he’s a table so he sits quietly as simon putters around his room and rearranges stuff to make room for his new table, and then halfway through he gets a call from clary and throws himself on the bed to chat with his best friend. 
  • there’s just a lot of “hmm” and “uh-huh” and “i know, clary” until simon suddenly groans. 
  • “no, he didn’t - i haven’t talked to him yet…i thought i saw him today at the store but i think i was hallucinating…yes i know he kissed me but what if it was an accident? i like jace, i don’t want him to think i’m desperate - shut up, fray, it doesn’t matter if i am desperate - “
  • jace-the-table feels like he’s in the middle of a fucking dream. 
  • simon likes him!! simon!! likes him!!
  • in the middle of all of this magnus walks into the room and freezes when he catches sight of the table. 
  • “what is that?” he asks simon flatly. 
  • simon hangs up on clary and stares at magnus in confusion. “a table?” he says slowly, like magnus has lost his mind. 
  • because magnus still has magic in this universe, so he shakes his head very slowly and says “no, it is not” and waves his hand, and jace turns back into a human. 
  • (a very naked human, which is new because usually he can do this with his clothes on)
  • simon almost goes into shock right there
  • “i don’t want to know.” magnus says as he backs out of the room. “i literally never want to know.” 
  • it turns out that magnus eventually has to know, because jace and simon have a long talk and then go on that first date they both wanted so badly, and then they go on a lot more dates, and then they just never stop going on dates, because they’re in love
  • the end, thank god

A/N: I decided to do both Leo AND Hongbin because they’re VIIXX members and I’m complete trash for VIXX. I got this template from tenseoyong and I could not find the original creator to give proper credit to.

A = Announcement.- How do you tell him and the world that you’re expecting?

You go all out to explain the good news. Obviously you tell him first and you do so by buying a baby’s onesie and little booties that match with each other. You also get a novelty mug that says #1 Dad. If you found out the news around Leo’s birthday you’d wait until then to give him his present. Of course he’ll be ecstatic as hell and want to tell everyone but he might get a bit carried away so you have to slow him down by starting with telling the members, who do you guys a favor and tell people in your company and the CEO. Then you tell family and friends. Telling the fans would be scary for Taekwoon because of some scandals that he’s had in the past but when he tells them he’s very clear about how happy he is and at that point he doesn’t care about the haters.

B = Books.- Did he read the books?

Leo loves babies and children a lot and he even has a baby nephew he watches every now and again so he wouldn’t really need to read those parenting books. He’ll probably get them as gag gifts from the other members but they’ll just collect dust at the top of his book shelf. If he gets curious about raising a baby he’ll probably go to his sister, his nephew’s mother, first.

C = Cuddles.- Who cuddles the baby more?

He hogs the baby all the time, if you need to change their diaper or get them ready for bed he’ll do it with you or even for you. He won’t not let you be with the baby, he just never knows when he might not have enough time for his family and though that very thought breaks his heart he wants to have every free moment he can possibly have dedicated you you and his baby.

D = Daddy.- His reaction to being called Daddy and it setting in.

Remember the way he lowers his head whenever he gets embarrassed or is complimented? Yeah, that’s exactly what happens to him when you, the baby, or the fact that he’s now a father is brought up. But he’ll be a bit upset because he would rather his personal life be kept private from the world but the fans can’t no know he’s a dad and congratulate him

E = Empty.- Who goes to the store when you guys run out of supplies?

He knows what you need before you even realize it’s nearly gone. He’ll stop by the store on his way home from work with like three bags of groceries and you’re just like “But I bought milk last week and we have some left- opps, had some left. Thanks honey~”

F = Feeding time- Who does feeding time?

Leo would do it with joy! If he’s a bit busy with work he’ll feed his son or daughter while multi tasking at his keyboard.

G = Grumpy baby. - Who is better at dealing with a grumpy baby?

He’s good with babies as well so he can calm the baby down most of the time, Leo’s problem would be that he doesn’t know what’s wrong. He’d have a hard time figuring out if the baby needs a diaper change or a bottle, a nap or a hug. You some how know exactly what to do and Leo’s just?????

H = How?- how many kids does he want?

Um is there such thing as too many? Leo doesn’t think so.

Jokes.- best dad joke?

What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowntain

K = Kisses.- His favorite place to kiss the baby.

Aww Leo kisses his babe everywhere but when they are sleeping he’ll always peck their forehead one last time before heading off to dreamland himself.

L = Little.- How he feels when he holds the baby for the first time.

He’s just so darn out of it when his baby is first placed in his arms. Like the rest of the world doesn’t matter because all he cares about in that moment is doing what’s best for his firstborn but he also thinks about his past and what good he did to be so lucky to this day.

M = Mommy.- what does he call you?

He’ll call you “honey” or “sweetheart” because he feels it’s more traditional and he wouldn’t admit that he thinks it’s the cutest thing to call you.

N = Nappies.- who deals with the really bad diapers?

There’s never just the good without anything bad that comes along with it. He’ll groan when it’s the tenth diaper today but he’ll refuse your offer to do it for him.

O = Onesies- Who likes to dress the baby in ridiculous outfits?

Leo isn’t really into all of those kinds of things because of privacy but sure as hell his baby will be fly and they’ll dress the part too. Don’t be too shocked if your baby is wearing Timbs and a Gucci jacket on an innocent play date.

P = Pet names- names he calls the baby.

He keeps it easy and calls his child his pride and joy but pet name wise he’ll say something along the lines of  "daddy’s baby"

Q = Questions.- How many questions does he ask the nurse?

Taekwoon knows a lot about babies so I can see him being a bit confused about dealing with them at night and, like I mentioned before, knowing what they want when they are crying late at night or even in the daytime.

R = Rely- what is the biggest thing you rely on each other for?

Leo would rely on you for emotional support, he always has a lot on his plate and while a baby is one of the best things to have ever happened to him he is insecure about doing the right thing, especially when jealous starlights call him out and say he has absolutely no idea what he’s doing, he’ll think they’re right. You would rely on Leo to support you as well. Being a new mother is tough and you and him are in the same mind set when someone questions your parenting abilities, even when you both are the dynamic duo of parenthood.

S = Sleep duty. - who gets up when it’s really late at night?

You both need sleep and in turn you would both take turns. Even though Leo would like to get up with the baby to care for them he just can’t do it when he has work in the early hours of the morning. You won’t mind doing it because Leo helps out a lot as it is so doing things at night is just your part.

T = Trepidation.- fears as a new parent.

Leo knows he would make a good father but he just doesn’t have a plan of actually doing it. What will he say when his child is having troubles with homework or friendships? What if he makes a mistake that changes his son or daughter’s life for good? That much pressure in his hands is overwhelming and it’ll freak him out a bit.

U = Ultra sounds.- His reactions to the ultrasounds.

Sadly Leo wouldn’t make it to the first ultrasound, that breaks his heart but he didn’t miss much because it was still to early to see much. You still got pictures and saved copies for him, which he carries around everywhere. You keep on telling him it’s okay if he missed just one and he promises to never leave you alone again.

V = Values.- what is the most important value he wants to teach your child.

If his child obtains one lesson Leo offers them in their life he prays that it’s them knowing he will always be proud of them and that they can do no wrong in his eyes. If they go down a dark path he wants them to know that he’ll be right by their side to lead them again, even if it’s so far into the future where he is no longer around.

W = Water.- Who gives the babe the baths?

Night’s are the toughest for him because it’s most likely the time he is working so you’ll have a nightly routine down and Leo comes home just as the baby goes to sleep. If some time during the day the baby needs another bath Leo would do if, but he’ll need your help with the little things like water temperature, how much soap to use, etc.

X = X-mas- what do you guys plan for the holidays?

Leo wouldn’t want to go all out but since he has connections to bomb photographers he’ll use those connections to get Christmas cards made. Those will be sent out to all of his family members and yours but mainly to the distant relatives you aren’t able to travel and see for the holidays. He’ll also probably be the one to hold the Christmas parties and social gatherings despite being an introvert.

Y = Yelling.- How many fights do the two of you get in?

He isn’t very loud in general, only when he’s really annoyed. Even when he’s stressed he keeps his cool and never raises his voice. You may or may not be like that but Leo would prefer to talk things out or avoid arguments all together.

Z = Zoo- How crazy is the house after the birth?

Try as he might Leo can’t help that the day back from the hospital things get out of sync. Eventually he’ll get used to it and if the other members visit and are shocked by the house he’ll be genuinely confused and say “It’s always like this though.”

~Blake

Magnus and Taako: Gifts

Any time Magnus travels without Taako, he brings back a figurine of a rabbit that a local artisan made.  He says the ears remind him of Taako.  Some of them are cute, some of them are hilariously hideous.

Taako says he hates them, but all of them are on his dresser, carefully displayed and organized, and they never gather any dust.  He puts the cute ones in the front, but there’s one super creepy one that somehow made the cut as well.  It’s eyes are just a little too big and it’s smiling, which rabbits just shouldn’t do.  Taako likes that one the best.


When Taako travels without Magnus, he brings him back a novelty mug.  The less relevant it is, the better.  He’s got dozens that say things like “All I need is COFFEE AND A CUTE PAIR OF SHOES” or “Born to Golf, Forced to Work!”

Magnus doesn’t get it, but they always have a good laugh when he brings one home.  Taako doesn’t explain it, but Magnus gets the impression that Taako just likes the irony of it.  The mugs are dumb, but Magnus uses a new one ever day with pride.  Taako always grins when he sees it.

ok but eggsy unwin will finally wake up after a particularly “rough” night with harry and he walks down the stairs groggily with just boxers as he sees harry making tea in his dressing gown.

eggsy says a muffled good morning into harry’s back as he wraps his arms around his torso and yawns into the material.

“tea?” harry asks. eggsy shakes his head. he feels harry’s shoulders drop as the man huffs out a laugh.

“do you have hot chocolate?” eggsy’s mind shuffles back to simpler times, ones without dean, when his mum would make hot chocolate on cold nights and early mornings. this day was neither particularly cold nor was it early - merlin can tell them off later - but the thought of hot chocolate warmed eggsy’s heart.

later, having missed a few angry calls from merlin and a supportive text from roxy, eggsy’s hands are kept warm from hot chocolate in a stupid novelty mug as harry reads the newspaper with his feet tucked in eggsy’s lap.

gay-emphasis  asked:

You're fics are so great. Can you write a Rory x Paris slow burn?

honestly i love paris & rory but idk if that’s smth i am capable of writing???? whatever im gonna try

/

the gilmore house - right at the end of the street and surrounded on two sides by wood, one side by the road, and on its final side by babette, morey, and, most importantly, apricot the very cute kitten to replace the still mourned cinnamon - is quiet for a few still moments on monday morning.

and then.

“mom!”

lorelai tugs her bathrobe on one leg at a time just like everyone else in the morn- ah fuck, one arm at a time- just like everyone else in the morning, barely even trips twice.

“MOM.”

“i need a pot of coffee before i can be mom,” lorelai moans. she sighs with relief when a mug is shoved into her hands, finally cracks open an eye. “why do you look like…hold on.” lorelai gulps down two swallows of the terrible coffee. “brain still dead. something frilly. where’s my daughter. rory,” she cries, “are you in there? can you hear me?”

“enough joking!”

“who’s joking? i can’t see anything but frills.” she reaches out, flaps one, yelps when rory slaps her hand away. “alright, alright, geez, what’s got your frills in a fright this morning?”

rory storms back into the kitchen, flops down at the table with a huff that would be impressive but it’s softened by the floaty frills. lorelai flicks one as she passes to the fridge.

“ah!”

“what?”

“it’s not even six!” lorelai turns on her daughter. “what the hell, rory?”

“what the hell is this!” she points to her dress. “this is the costume for juliet. i hadn’t had a chance to try it on yet because homework,”

“seven hours of homework,”

“eight.” rory drops her head forward onto the table. lorelai makes a sympathetic sound and pours her a cup of coffee into the largest novelty mug they have. “thanks.”

“anything for my daughter.” lorelai grimaces when rory looks up at her with wide, pleading eyes. “anything except spend my very limited time fixing that terrible costume.”

“i can’t go out looking like this! and you remember the last time i tried to sew.”

“did kirk ever get his finger stuck back on?”

“no.” rory drops her head back down. her words are a little muffled but just clear enough to make out. “he shows it off on every holiday, remember? it was only a few millimetres, it’s not a big deal.”

“i’ll remind you of that when you lose part of your index finger. it was his index, wasn’t it?”

“pinkie. his index finger was the ballet incident.”

“ah, of course.” lorelai sits next to her daughter, plucks at the sleeve frills. “this means a lot to you?”

rory nods dolefully. “it’s an assignment so it’s already stressful but tristan is romeo and everything with dean,” she bangs her head again. lorelai searches for a shoulder - rory had two, once upon a time, but the frills have engulfed her and neither are visible - and settles for patting her hand sympathetically. “and paris,” she says, and sighs for a whole minute, and lorelai’s eyebrows shoot up.

“let me guess, she’s being paris.”

“yup.”

“and you expected something else?”

“no,” rory admits, “but she wasn’t so bad for a bit and she’s being so weird about tristan and sometimes it feels like if she stopped being so…so paris…we would get along really well and,”

“but then she wouldn’t be paris and you would have no reason to wake me up at six looking like cotton candy.”

“we’d be bereft.”

“we would. so we should thank paris for being so paris.” rory scrunches her nose up at that and lorelai laughs, pushes at her daughter until she sits up. she looks over the dress monstrosity and sighs. “i guess i can look at it in my infrequent and very short breaks i usually like to use for actual rest,”

“thank you! thank you, thank you, thank you!” rory lunges at her, hugs her hard, before running for her room already tearing off the dress. “gotta go, see you tonight, love you!”

lorelai picks the dress up from rory’s floor and grimaces at it.

“moms wedding dress. that’s what it looks like.” she folds it over her arm, pats it. “now i’m looking forward to cutting it up.”

//

“where’s the dress!”

rory doesn’t look up from her book. she turns the page slowly. “hello paris. how are you this afternoon?”

“yes, yes, niceties. now, why aren’t you in costume! we have our dress rehearsal in ten minutes!”

“it’s our first rehearsal,” rory corrects, finally lowering her book, and she leans back a little when she looks up to see paris a lot closer than she’d originally expected.

“we only get five rehearsals in the space, all of them need to be dress rehearsals. i won’t settle for anything less than perfect!”

“i think things are bound to be less than perfect. what’s that really common phrase that sums up how imperfect stage productions can be?”

“the show happens,” madeline contributes.

“the show must go on,” paris snaps, and she glares at rory. “luckily for you,” she continues, “i anticipated that any one of you would disappoint so i brought back up costumes.” she jerks her head toward the door. “march. rehearsal starts in five minutes and i am going to get us an extra,” she checks her watch, “three by staring at wendy until she cries herself right off stage. well? move!”

rehearsal goes about as suspected - paris yells, louise texts, madeline offers to paint rory’s nails, tristan never shows up, paris yells some more, and when lorelai comes by to pick her up, rory falls into the car and stares blankly ahead for half the drive home.

“hi,” she says finally, and lorelai blows out a great gust of a sigh.

“oh thank god! i thought that romeo kid had sucked your soul out or something.”

“tristan never showed up.” rory fumbles for the coffee in the cup holder. “yuck, cold!” she drinks some more.

“that little weasel. who does he think he is?”

“tristan dugray.”

“oh, right.” lorelai nods. “on the bright side, you don’t have to deal with paris again until tomorrow.”

//

“i spoke too soon,” lorelai mutters, opening the door for the girl. “paris, what a surprise.”

“is it? it shouldn’t be. i need to see the progress you’ve made with the costumes, i checked out miss patty’s for an extra rehearsal space, and rory needs to practice her lines.”

she points into the house and lorelai steps aside.

“why don’t you come in? RORY.”

“WHAT.”

“YOU HAVE A GUEST.”

there’s silence, and paris examining the living room, and then rory tiptoes out of her room. she ducks into the front hall to hide behind the half wall, putting it between her and paris.

“what’s she doing here?” rory hisses.

“i don’t know, something about you not knowing your lines.”

“this isn’t my fault, this is about the costumes isn’t it?” she accuses.

lorelai gasps. “it’s not my fault, i only got the dress this morning!”

“i can hear you both, i have exceptional hearing.” paris steps around the couch, fixes them both with an unimpressed stare. “rory, where are you with your background reading on juliet?”

“um.”

“that’s what i thought. lorelai, what kind of coffee do you have?”

“liquid?”

“that’ll do.”

she hides in the kitchen for fifteen minutes - rory escapes twice for “snacks” and “bathroom reasons” to make frightened eyes at lorelai before paris tells her to focus - and when she brings out two mugs and a pot of coffee, the two girls are sitting in something that resembles almost peaceful companionship.

without looking up, they both reach out for coffee and lorelai does some seriously impressive juggling to give it to them without scalding them or herself.

she stands to the side to rescue rory if necessary, but the two of them argue about Shakespeare and their adaption for ten minutes, something lorelai thinks rory wins because paris sulks for a minute before picking a new fight, and lorelai leaves them to it when they’re snapping at one another but rory passes paris the highlighter she’s reaching for. their bickering is a rather soothing background to reading the newspaper lorelai rarely gets time to read.

June 8: A Bad Day

Title: A Bad Day
Tags: fluff, hurt/comfort, stress, cuddles, established relationship
Words: 2324 words
Summary:
Phil has a bad day, but Dan is there to make him feel better.

Prompt: There was a tea saga. And @killingmeitsso2yearsago prompted me on Twitter to write about Phil having his own hot drink troubles. But I had a bad day, and I needed to make him suffer a little more than just being unable to get coffee. Sorry dude, but if it’s any consolation, it kind of helped.

FEDIJ Day: June 8

Previous Day | Masterlist of fics so far

[AO3 Link]

Keep reading

a few bertl headcanons, to lighten the mood...

1. Bert is an avid music fan, and enjoys singing loudly in the car when he drives

2. This is irritating to Reiner, especially considering Bert’s favorite car-aoke tune is No Doubt’s ‘Underneath it All’

3. Bert has a speech impediment, which has lessened to a slight lisp due to years of speech therapy

4. Bertolt is a huge Kate Nash fan, and owns her entire discography. His favorite song of hers is Merry/Happy.

5. Bert’s favorite food is Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

6. Bert is a wonderful cook, and his dream career would be as a sous chef in a fine-dining restaurant.

7. He loves the food network, and watches it almost everyday.

8. Bert is a nice Jewish Boy. He cried at his Bar Mitzvah.

9. He wears his yamaka on Jewish holidays.

10. Bertolt can often be caught saying yiddish phrases, especially when he’s talking to himself– all his friends are used to hearing him mumble things like “bubbeleh,” “chutzpah,” and of course “kibitz” under his breath

11. Bert gets very anxious using the ATM. He almost always puts his card in the wrong way and he hates getting beeped at. He’s extremely nervous he’ll forget his pin number, because one time he forgot it and the machine ate his card. (thanks @titansatemysoul)

12. Bert makes long lists before he goes to the grocery store and checks them religiously. If he forgets anything on the list, he has to go straight back and get it.

13. Bertolt is an avid knitter, and loves knitting patterns.

14. One Christmas when he was broke, he made everyone blankets, hats, and scarves. He knew everyone’s favorite colors without asking.

15. Bertolt remembers everyone’s birthday, right off the top of his head.

16. He keeps his spaces very clean. Not necessarily because he hates messes, but because he panics when he loses things. 

17. When Bertolt knows he isn’t very good at something, he will dedicate his time and consistently work hard to get better at it.

18. This was the case with shuffling playing cards, which he used to be miserable at. Now he can do a perfect bridge shuffle.

19. Bertolt loves Lox on his bagels. Reiner used to tell him that was disgusting until Bert made him try some, home made from scratch.

20. When Bert is stressed out his first coping mechanism is to go for a run. He loves to run. Like Forrest Gump.

21. He also loves push-ups. He can do these with one hand, but he doesn’t brag about it or anything.

22. Bertolt has a pair of reading glasses he wears whenever he needs to see up close. He has a second pair just for reading things on his computer.

23. Bertolt is a very chill person, until he’s not. His temper is hair-trigger, and its often a point of embarrassment for him when he loses his cool. 

24. He loves his French Press. 

25. Bertolt is a mama’s boy. He loves hanging out with his mom, and has a set day every week that he goes out with her on mom dates.

26. He owns 6 versions of the same sweater in different colors. This goes for pants, tee-shirts, underwear, and socks, as well.

27. Bertolt loves patterned socks. He collects special patterned socks to wear on special occasions. 

28. Bertolt wakes up early everyday to make Reiner lunch. He puts in a note with every single one.

29. He enjoys the simple things in life. Cupcake Wars, Progressive Juicing, Self-Striping Yarn, and Brisket, to name a few.

30. Bertolt’s favorite book is Naked Lunch. 

31. Bert collects novelty mugs. He has hundreds, and he notices everytime Reiner tries to give one away. 

32. His favorite band is The Arcade Fire.

33. Bertolt was raised on post punk as a teen. He still has all his band shirts from his favorite shows. 

34. He loves showtunes. He is not embarrassed about loving showtunes. 

35. He subscribes to a variety of DIY zines and web message boards. 

dedicated to sweet angels @partydanchou @didanwhisperer @dyke-jonze and @titansatemysoul, who love bertl as much as me in these hard times *sobs*