nothing you do is ever good enough

What happens when you cheat....

When you cheat on someone you ruin their outlook on more than just you; you ruin their outlook on themselves, relationships, and trust.
After a person is cheated on, they will forever ask themselves why they weren’t good enough. What did they do wrong.? Would you have stayed faithful if they had done or said something differently.? If they had talked more or talked less.? Spent a little more time trying to look good for you.? Spent more time trying to be the person you wanted.? They will over analyze every thing they ever did or said. They will start to question every action they made, trying to figure out what they did to make you cheat.
They will forever have issues trusting in relationships. When they meet someone new, they will be reluctant to let that person in, in fear of getting hurt again. They will question that persons every move and intention. They will have problems trusting a person who has done nothing to not be trusted. They bring the hurt of what you did to them into a new relationship.
They’re not doing this intentionally; in their mind, they are just trying to protect their heart. They are just trying to avoid having to feel the way you made them feel. Because they don’t want to ever feel the heart wrenching, stomach turning, ache of feeling inadequate, not good enough, like something was wrong with them.
You see, when you cheat on someone, you are changing their every thought process. You are making them question every aspect of their being. You take a vital piece of them. You change them forever.

How to tell if you are emotionally abusive

I feel we talk about signs of abuse from the victims standpoint but not from the abusers standpoint. In order to stop emotional abuse and recognize when we engage in unhealthy behaviors I made this list.

  • Do you react to important people in your life by ignoring them completely and not acknowledging their presence? Especially if they do something you don’t like?
  • Do you feel that your partner/friends/family members are the cause of your bad moods or frustration?
  • Does your partner/etc “do things the wrong way”?
  • Do criticize your partner/etc for being unreliable or a bad person?
  • Do you feel you have to constantly overlook your partners flaws in order to be around them?
  • Are you frequently accused of being “moody” or “hard to please”?
  • Do your partners complain that “nothing they do is good enough?
  • Do your partners appear to avoid you when you are angry or upset rather then comfort you?
  • Do you negatively comment on their intelligence or appearence? Either in private or in front of others.
  • Do you blame them when someone goes wrong?
  • Do you ever use phrases like “I could just hit you right now” or “I”m so mad I could punch something”?
  • Do you ever punch walls/throw things in front of your partner/etc?
  • Do you leave during fights and not inform of where you are going and when you will be back?
  • Do you behave the same alone with your partner that you do if you were in front of your friends or in public?
  • Have you frequently accused your partner of being too sensitive?
  • How often is your partner praised and complimented by yourself?
  • Do you think your partner spends too much time with friends and family?
  • Do you feel your partners friends and family are trying to drive you apart?
  • Do you refuse to actively comfort your partner when they are upset or angry especially if you don’t really understand why they feel the way they do?
  • If your partner brings up a behavior that bothers them do you respond by discussing how to change it or do you respond defensively?
  • Do you have difficulty apologizing?

All of these things are abuse tactics. Obviously even the healthiest of us will do these sometimes but if any one becomes a regular habit that’s when the problem starts.

Edit: Due to several requests I would like to add many of these are also symptoms of bpd or Borderline Personality Disorder as well those struggling with mental illness. Proper communication and understanding with your partner or family member is very important. Having a mental illness is not an excuse to be abusive however being mentally ill puts someone at higher risk of being abused. I highly recommend therapy if at all possible although this is just as someone who has been to a ton of it. My askbox is always open. Please no instant messages without my permission. 

Enough excuses for parents who abused their kids but “meant the best”. They “meant the best” for themselves, not for the kids. It’s fucking easy to just rely on emotional abuse, threats, humiliation, shame, guilt and violence to get your way and to force your kid to stay in control and to sabotage and fuck up the child’s life so you would feel good about it, and then to just remind yourself “i meant the best” to feel no guilt about doing so whatsoever. Just repeating to yourself “it doesn’t hurt them” and “they deserved it”  while actively forcing your child to keep all the obvious trauma symptoms out of sight or ensuring the child believes it’s their own damn fault for feeling the way they do.

You know what’s not easy? Having your parent force control of your life via emotional abuse, threats, shame, humiliation, violence. Your parent getting into your own head and  gaslighting your senses until you feel worthless and insane and like a monster, until you don’t dare to feel your own feelings, until you’re ashamed of the pain you feel and can’t see yourself as anything other than a horrible burden and nothing you do can ever change that or make you good enough. You know what’s even harder? Still believing that your parent “meant the best” and not even daring to blame them and still being forced to draw the conclusion that it was after all, all your fault, for existing as you do, for being who you are, for not ever being good enough! And then, on top of all of it, hearing the rest of the world agree with the parent’s view, pressuring you to never blame them, to forgive them, to never hold them responsible, to “be better” and understand them, to not ever try to place blame on anyone but yourself because then you’re the monster.

Just. How. Is. One. Supposed. To. Heal. From. That.
Healing can’t even begin until the blame is placed on the parent! This person literally benefited from their child’s suffering! They did not get affected negatively from it at all, they didn’t even care, they walked away satisfied and getting what they wanted while the child now has a lifetime of traumatic consequences and mental illness problems! Their freedom is taken away, their quality of life reduced, their relationships and friendships sabotaged, their confidence crushed! They’re placed at extra risk for addictions and obsessions because they keep falling into the black pit of trauma no matter how hard they try to distract and their life is heavy and painful no matter how well they do afterwards! Their brain can’t regulate stress properly anymore! Abuse causes literal brain damage and all this is just so the parents would get their way! And you all still insist they shouldn’t feel guilty about it or be faced with consequences of their abuse? They shouldn’t fucking admit to themselves and to their children what they’ve done? If the truth will kill them, let them die. Abused children’s right to heal comes way before the abusers feeling good about themselves.

Do you ever just feel the urge to pack a bag in the middle of the night and just leave? Like no goodbyes to a single person, no contact, no phone, just leave a note on the table. And go somewhere far away. Because you feel like a burden to everyone around you. Like you feel like you should let go, because your friends and family and everyone would just be happier without you, nothing you do is good enough, and you can’t make them happy or proud like you wish you could and you just need someone to tell you that, that isn’t how it is, because it runs through your head every. single. Night.

We were such a small moment in time you and I; Like a freeze-frame in a life sequence or a snapshot of a perfect happy moment frozen within a painting. And when all you have is that painting… that single unchanging image of the past, you look at it over and over again imposing different things on it every time.
For me – that painting was everything. It was as if being with you was the whole reason for my existence… like loving you was the one thing I was always meant to do. It was my one single perfect creation… the one thing I ever did right. And I’m so obsessed with it I keep repainting it, over and over again – every day. Just that same picture of you and me in the past, over and over just with different emotional filters imposing different meanings on it each time depending on how I’m feeling.
When I’m happy I feel like it all meant something. I’m grateful for the experience and I wish you nothing but happiness… When I’m sad I feel like I’m being punished for something I did wrong… like I wasn’t good enough and I just want to go back and set things right… When I’m angry I feel like it was all a lie and you never cared about me at all. I feel like I was used and abused and then thrown away like a toy you didn’t want anymore. But – like it or not – we are in the past now… So it is always the same unchanging picture… it’s just the way I’m looking at it at the time that changes how I see it…
And though I tell myself to move on… to paint another picture without you in it like you are undoubtedly doing with me… I can’t help but wonder how often you look back at what we used to be… and just what light you see it in…
Mock up the courage

Bucky x reader

Notes: fluff, just pure fluff. 

A/N: Bucky is tired and needy and just wants to cuddle. (who. fuckin’. wouldn’t?!)

Originally posted by sebastianobrien

If there was ever something more adorable than Bucky being tired or in any way not feeling well, you’d never seen it. Now, the serum made sure he was never not feeling well, but it didn’t help exhaustion after a week long mission with only 2 hours of sleep a day.

This is why he came stumbling into your floor, somehow overriding every security protocol with his left over spy-skills, calling out your name at two in the morning.

Actually, it was more like a drawn out whine.

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Say It (Jungkook/Reader)

Originally posted by sugutie

Genre: Smut - Inspired by a fic written by Admin JP + Say It by Tory Lanez.

Words: 7.2K+

Author: Admin Kaycie

Summary: Honesty was a trait you had always prided yourself in being strong in possession of, something your friends and fans all admired you for; so the day you announced you did not like Jeon Jungkook, they knew your words were true.

Tags: Dance room rendezvous, slow and sensual sex against the dance studio mirror wall, etc. 


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a few thoughts about RSD cus i was typing out a huge thing anyway LMAO

OK SO i’ve been hoping someone would mention this bc I personally have been having a WILD TIME with this particular symptom! But knowing what it is is definitely helping me figure out how to cope with it cus it is definitely a roller coaster.

My particular experience idk how frequent it is in the ADHD community but like you, I was never told about this symptom at all. [but for me a lot of adhd symptoms im actually discovering through research and not doctors visits]

BASICALLY ok rejection sensitive dysphoria is for right now as far as we know, ADHD specific, though there have been discussions in a ton of communities over how it is possible some BPD [borderline personality disorder, not bipolar] sufferers experience it as well. But until thats really delved upon, right now, it is ADHD specific. [research changes constantly and alters all we know]

However we know ADHD sufferers are all under the same umbrella when it comes to being more sensitive to rejection, teasing, criticism, or feeling like you’ve failed. So far its believed at least 90%-100% of ADHD people experience this, as after being told what it is instantly identify it within themselves.

Rejection sensitive dysphoria feels like this ok:

Lets imagine everything’s fine in your day, but you say something to someone and you’re not expecting it, but they either make you feel slighted/insulted/rejected/youre not good enough. Even if they don’t mean to! Even if they are not trying to hurt your feelings and didn’t think about it, it just comes across that way.

What this causes you to feel is an immediate overwhelming emotional response and there are 2 ways most ADHD people react to it. The common symptom overall is just an overwhelming sense of discomfort and pain. It is so intense that you feel you may not be able to live with it.

Internalized: You feel extremely distressed and like you’ve hit a low point. From now on, nothing you do ever again will ever matter. You’ve hit the end of the road in your life. Suicide and ending it all seem like a reasonable thing to do, but you know you’re not going to do that. You become noticeably depressed and low energy. Most people who have this response believe they’ve been misdiagnosed and are actually rapid-cycling bipolar, but thats because this is a very commonly missed symptom of ADHD.

Externalized: You lash out at the person causing you pain. It seems only right, as they were the one causing you this INTENSE discomfort. It really appears like you’re having an anger meltdown of sorts. Lashing out you expect to feel some relief but may soon realize you’ve overreacted, and embarrassed yourself, which unfortunately causes more pain and embarrassment.

Anyhow, what this causes I’ve learned in a lot of ADHD sufferers is it alters their behavior so much bc they want to avoid this feeling SO MUCH that they will do one of several [or all] of these with their life:

  1. Become people pleasers. Forgetting their personal goals, they look into what others around them are really really into and chameleon those things, seeking praise and admiration. This is seen as a way to avoid the intense pain of RSD.
  2. Stop trying. If you don’t try something new, you can’t fail at it. It’s really not worth the risk of subjecting yourself repeatedly to this dysphoria. The idea of putting yourself out there provokes such an intensely deep anxiety that it stops you dead in your tracks.
  3. Become perfectionists. Using the sensation of RSD to overachieve, they strive to be the absolute best at what they do. They seek to be above criticism, you cannot criticize this perfection. The problem this causes, as it does seem glamorous, is that perfection is never attainable so they are constantly driven to achieve more. Overworked, stressed, never satisfied with the outcome.

Coping:

Ok so there’s not a lot about coping with RSD that doesn’t deal with medication, but I’m not medicated and so I’m here to tell you what you might can do to help yourself.

First off, just knowing this thing has a name has really helped and let me step back and analyze whenever I start to feel these come on, and I know I’m not alone there. The intense pain of RSD is actually stated to as an episode, so treating these as you would a mood swing or mood episode could be a good start.

When you feel yourself being slighted over something someone has said, do not react to them right away. Give yourself a bit of space. Analyze it. Do you have the right to feel the way you’re starting to feel? You have to be honest with yourself.

If you see that no harm was intended, but feel slighted and start to feel this emotional reaction, you have to distance yourself. If internalized, maybe ask for attention but do not demand it or rely on it, maybe talk about something else and come back to this later.

If you feel like you’re about to lash out at others, definitely remove yourself from the situation until you’ve calmed down. You’ll feel a lot better about not reacting to the first thing that comes to mind later, thus saving yourself further embarrassment dysphoria.

Overall, I know its hard to be easy on yourself when the stakes are so high emotionally. But you have to try. I’m not a professional and I’m still trying to see whats beneficial to coping with this. Trying not to ignore your own emotions, but also seeing where the line should be drawn between acknowledgement and letting yourself get lost in it.

Do any followers or mods have any coping ideas?

-Mod Speedo

Dean’s not a teenager anymore. He can’t go all night like he used to, and he can no longer contort his body into whatever shape might heighten all the sensations. Sex has become more traditional.

And you fucking love it.

Because Dean’s not in a hurry to just get to the ‘good stuff’ now. He lingers, tongue dipping into every hollow, fingernails tickling over every curve, raising goosebumps and making your blood heat up in your veins.

Dean studies you, stares and appreciates, drags those full lips over everything, then flips you over and does it again. This is the part he enjoys now, and there’s plenty of time for him to taste and tease. It gets you sweaty and breathless, clawing at the sheets, wondering how he knows that you’re sensitive in exactly that spot, where he learned to recognize which of your moans means “keep going” and which means “right there, do it again”.

Tonight, he settles in for good, old fashioned missionary style, but there’s nothing boring about it. He goes slow, thrusting deep enough to make you shake beneath him, and his mouth is still everywhere, wet and smacking against your skin in the sweetest, can’t stop touching you way.

It’s not kinky and it’s not a marathon.

But damn if you don’t come as hard as you ever have.

And he’s got his fingers laced through yours the whole time.

Prompt List

I’ve never done this before, but thought I’d give it a try! I’m taking request with these prompts, just send me a message and fandom/character preference!

1. “How long have you been standing there?”

2. “If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.”

3. “Quit it or I’ll bite you.”

4. “That’s starting to get annoying.”

5. “You’re Satan.”

6. “You can’t kick me out! This is my bed!”

7. I’ll kick his ass if you want me to.”

8. “You can’t sit there all day.”

9. “I’m too sober for this.”

10. “Don’t flatter yourself. I’m always this awkward.”

11. “Is it still murder if he/she’s a dick?”

12. “You tried to kill me!”

13. “Good thing I didn’t ask for your opinion?”

14. “You did what?!.”

15. “Take. It. Off.’

16. “I need a place to stay.”

17. “Congrats, you’ve now graduated to a Grade A dick.”

18. “Hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.”

19. “Well now, that’s too tragic isn’t?”

20. “Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”

21. “You’ve broken everything.”

22. “I can’t explain it right now, but I need you to trust me on this.”

23. “I can’t. Not again.”

24. “Oh my God, you’re in love with him/her!”

25. “I’ve never felt this way before… and to be honest, it scares the living shit out of me.”

26. “Are you really taking his/her side against mine?”

27. “What was I suppose to do? You said ‘hit me!’”

28. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

29. “You know, it hurt when I realized that you’re not in love with me. But nothing can compare to the pain I felt when I saw you fall in love with him/her.”

30. “I’m not losing you again.”

31. Why do you keep pushing me away?”

32. “Wait a second, are you jealous?”

33. “I hate you because you make me feel like I’m not good enough. I am good enough!”

34. “Come and make me.”

35. “Well, you’re coming home with me… whether you like it or not.”

36. “This is by far the most stupid plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’ll help!”

37. “Am I supposed to be scared of you?”

38. “Oh, fuck off.”

39. “I’d rather die, than do that/kiss you.”

40. “I’m done! You can fix it!”

41. “You can stay in when you’re dead. Which considering our luck, might be sooner than later.”

42. “I wasn’t good kid. Don’t you dare use me as an example.”

43. “Are you scared, yet?”

44. “You’re still mad.”

45. “Can we exchange quirky nicknames now? ‘Enemy’ is too cliche.”

46. “Stop talking.”

47. “I may be smaller than you but that still doesn’t mean I can’t kick your ass.”

48. “Oh, and by the way, you got a cute butt.”

49. “Don’t be an asshole. Asshole.”

50. “I let you win,”

Some angst openings/lines

“Why are you late?”

“I…I can’t stay…”

“Where are you?It’s been 5 hours?!”

“Please…Don’t go…Don’t leave me.”

“Don’t leave before I’m ready.”

“I thought you loved me!I thought you loved me…”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“Please don’t yell at me…”

“I’m sorry!I’m sorry for whatever I did just please stop yelling!”

“Why would you do this…”

“I thought I could trust you!”

“I tried…I really did…”

“I tried okay?!Is that not good enough for you?!”

“Do you even care at all?”

“I’m sorry.Alright I’m sorry.”

“No.”

“I said leave me alone!I don’t need you, just leave me the fuck alone-”

“This wasn’t supposed to happen…I’m so sorry…I’m sorry.”

“Saying sorry does nothing!”

“Go away.Now.I never want to see you near me or my family ever again.”

“Help!Help me please!Please, please!

"I couldn’t do it…I tried so hard.And I did nothing.I was useless.”

“I’m not some slave to you!”

“All I wanted was to spend the day with you.”

“You never have anytime for me…Why…”

“Am I not enough?”

“Is it…Is it because of me?”

“I’m only bringing you down…Just let me go…”

“Yeah, you’re right.You don’t need me.”

Friendly reminder to all working artists or (especially) aspiring artists.

If a client says they can’t afford to pay you but you’ll get good exposure, one of two things is happening:

1. They are lying. They can afford to pay you, but they are choosing not to. They will pay the printer to print the books, they will pay the mail service to deliver them, and you’d better believe they’re going to pay themselves for sending you an email explaining that they can’t afford to pay you. They think you are a sucker, and if you take the job you’ll be telling them they are right.

2. They are not lying. They have zero budget, no audience and no real distribution system. They’ll still be paying the printer and mail service because people who work in those professions don’t work for free just because someone promises them a recommendation. But they aren’t paying themselves, they’re running on an incredibly small margin, and there’s a good chance they won’t exist as a corporate entity in a few years. Publishing your work with them will give you less exposure than putting it on tumblr or Instagram for free would. It will never lead to a paying job. 

If a client starts ranting about the “short-sightedness” of artists, or otherwise complains about artists in general in their opening offer to you, run. Run as fast as you would run if a blind date spent the whole of dinner ranting about how horrible your entire gender is. Yes, there are doubtlessly clients who’ve been screwed over by artists in the past, but the ones who complain about artists in general will not respect you, they will not treat you well. 

Working for free does not prove that you are passionate about something. It proves that you do not need to be paid for your work. How many doctors went into medicine because they are passionate about saving lives? Do you think any of them are asked to perform heart surgery for free?

No one will ever pay $50 for something if they can get something similar for $5. When you charge next to nothing for art that you’ve worked for hours on, art that required years of training to create, you are telling your client that it is worth next to nothing. They will remember that the next time they want to hire an artist.

People who are looking to exploit artists know that artists are hard on themselves. They know that most artists don’t think their work is good enough to charge top dollar. They know that artists have been told from the first day they started taking their art seriously as a career that they’ll never make any money off it, that it’s not a real job, that it has no value to society. They know how to push artists’ insecurities about their profession in order to convince them that that demanding fair compensation is unrealistic and uncooperative.

If you’re just desperate for a job in the arts, any job in the arts, give yourself a job. Start a webcomic, or give yourself illustration assignments that you post on social media regularly, create work for a gallery show even if you don’t have one yet, or make a book. Give yourself a job. If you’re going to work for free, you may as well be working for yourself, setting your own hours and following your own interests. Having original art with original characters and ideas in your portfolio, and making sure your art is visible online will get the attention of publishers who are actually looking to hire people for good jobs. Drawing a shitty comic for a defunct publisher based on someone else’s shitty ideas will not.

Protect yourself, because no one else will. Protect yourself, because no one else will. There are people lining up around the block to exploit you. Protect yourself because no one else will.

Ten Women I Have Been Warned Against Becoming:

1. The Girl Who Takes Up Too Much Space, always, her shoulders too wide in stairwells, her hips too big in doorways, her voice too loud in classes. This woman does not understand the art of crumbling, of curling herself tight like the spiral of a fern, soft, delicate, unwilling to reach out the ivy of her fingers to grasp onto what should rightfully be hers. This is a beast, an elephant, a moving mountain and she is capable of flattening you, she is capable of ruining you, she is capable of making you feel as small and insignificant in her life as she is supposed to be. You are this woman’s footnote to history, you are her side note in song lyrics, you are constantly interrupted by her with a witty joke you wish you thought of. I asked what the problem was with being a steamroller instead of a sunflower and I was laughed down.

2. The Beautiful One, the long hair or the slim waist or the pretty eyes or the lips like bowstrings. This woman looks good in everything because she’s confident in whatever you put her in. She’ll cut her hair short on you no matter how you like it, she’ll wear high heels and step on your opinions, she’ll look hot as hell no matter what size she is. See, the reason you can’t trust her is because women like this don’t need your permission, they’ll do as they please and get away with it. They’ll say no to you, over and over. Teach your daughters that beautiful means dangerous, teach them to distrust women who love themselves. Equate beautiful with vapid, equate pretty with stupid, take their power from them. Say they’re vain for their makeup, refuse to see them without it. These women are snakes, they are serpents. I said maybe the problem lies with you being unable to control yourself and was told to get off my pedestal.

3. A Bitch. Women are supposed to be ladies in the street but will tear skin under sheets. I’m told: Never raise your voice. Speak gently. Submit. Hold your opinion against your lips and when you admit to it, make sure it comes out as a butterfly wing suggestion. Don’t disagree. Don’t undermine someone else’s authority, regardless of whether or not they deserve your respect. Someone touches you, just move away from them. Don’t hit. Don’t talk back. Be like the ruins of Rome, only beautiful if you can’t hear your quiet death.

4. The Needy One. I have heard how others spit when they talk about how she gave you everything and you shoved it back down her throat until she choked on it, until she came back crawling and asked you what she did, until her palms and knees were scraped for want of just a little affection - never be this woman, I’m told, because she’s a joke and the joke is that she dared to have more emotion than you did. The truth is, I’m told, the one who cares less in a partnership is the one who wins. I didn’t know this was a competition.

5. The Cock Tease, certified stripper, how dare that girl look like that and not want me to sleep with her. Lust is always personified as a lady in red with a dress slit up her thigh. Lust is sinful because it’s power, it’s not asking for attention - it’s demanding it. I’m told she is the worst kind of woman, that looking good is supposed to be some kind of shame on her kin. I’m told not to leave the house in such a short skirt, not with a shirt so low, not with a lace back, not with high heels, not dressed like that. My lipstick can’t be too red, my hair can’t be too mussed, I can’t just “turn someone on like that and then leave them wanting.” I mentioned that instant gratification actually ruins our psyche and was told that being led on was “exhausting.” I said that there was a difference between purposefully tricking someone into liking you and just being attractive or friendly. I was told there’s also a difference between coffee and tea but both result in caffeine. I said, “I’ve been turned on in class by the girls I talk to but I didn’t expect anything from them,” and they said, “It’s different, you’re not a man,” but couldn’t explain where that difference was.

6. A Slut, obviously ruined by another person’s touch. It doesn’t matter how many people she’s actually been with, it’s all about the rumors she carries with her. Easy. Harlot. You’ll still try to get with her, you’ll still take her into your bed and kiss her and say things you don’t mean - but you’ll defame her name when you talk to your buddies. My father used to say “A slut is fine for the night, but the virgin is who you take home and marry.” Maybe he didn’t know he was teaching his daughter to hate her sexuality. Maybe he didn’t know that every time she’d be kissed, her whole system would shake until she felt ready to combust, shame and self-hatred shivering against her spine. Maybe he didn’t know she’d disconnect emotions and sex because he always told her, “Boys are different, they won’t care about you.” Nobody said to her that it was okay to experiment. See, the funny thing is, I’m a dancer so I know exactly where my center of gravity is. I know how hard I’ll fall in each direction. Yet out of fear of getting hurt, I won’t let a single person inside of my bed.

7. The Soulmate. Never love romance more than you love being cynical. Never show weakness, never like pink, never think maybe you might find someone nice and settle down with them. Someone will find you, I was told, And if you’re lucky, he’ll put up with you when you start getting old. Never be the woman who believes in happily ever after, never be dumb enough to think maybe someone could love you after all of your mistakes. It has nothing to do with whether or not a family is important to you and you’re in a good place where a relationship would make your life better - you’re not a princess. You don’t get married, you settle.

8. The Girl With Strength, who can outrun everyone and who is stronger than her boyfriend. “See the thing about boys,” says my daddy, “Is that you have to let them win.” I sat at home and read stories about Artemis and wanted to become the huntress, too. I wanted to howl at the moon, I wanted to slay the beasts that bested me, I wanted to rule my kingdom with bloody fists. But girls are never athletes, never supposed to be “built,” regardless of the fact civilizations were constructed on our spines and we made homes in war by the steel of our ribs. Never be strong. We are supposed to wilt.

9. The Lady CEO: because if you choose work over family, are you really a girl? How dare you fight your way to the top through every pair of eyes that bore through your blouse, through every meeting where you were hushed by the sound of someone else talking, through every time someone called you “sweetie,” how dare you yearn for something. Is your husband the stay-at-home one? I can’t imagine how that is going. He’s not a real man, after all. I don’t give it long before the divorce. How dare you decide you’re happy being single. Don’t you know you’re supposed to bear children. Where is your honor? Where is your wisdom? Who cares if you are the leader, the best suited for your position, the quickest-thinking, the one who makes the hardest clients come back again. Don’t you see? Across history, women have been terrible at success. They always lose their man in the end. (When I said, “I would rather be a famous author than a mediocre mother,” I was told, “No, don’t worry, you’ll be a fine mommy.”)

10. THE GIRL I AM: FIRECRACKER AND DON’T YOU FUCKING FORGET IT I’LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS AND I WON’T FUCKING REGRET IT I’M NOT YOUR PRETTY GIRL I’M NOT YOUR ANYTHING I’M PERFECT, MOTHERFUCKER, AND I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP WHAT I’M DOING. I DON’T WANT TO BE “LADYLIKE” THAT LITERALLY MEANS NOTHING I’M NOT GOING TO STOP STANDING UP AND DEMANDING WHAT’S COMING TO ME. I’M GONNA BE SOMEBODY. I’M GONNA MAKE THEM REMEMBER ME. I REFUSE TO BE OVERSHADOWED IN HISTORY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO CREATE BUT YOU MADE ME A DRAGON YOU PUT ME IN THE FIRE AND WHEN I STOPPED BURNING I LEARNED HOW TO GLOW DON’T THINK YOU CAN STOP ME YOU CAN’T TAME A TORNADO.

—  In respectful response to a poem tilted, “Ten men women have warned me against becoming.” /// r.i.d
do you ever just feel like you’re just completely worthless and unattractive on a physical and emotional level and you’re just never good enough because there’s always someone else that overpowers you with their pretty face and personality and you just instantly back down because you feel you have literally nothing to fight against with
—  (via sturzpoesie IG)
Please don’t apologize...

…for what you write. For some people your words will never be enough.

If you write a female Jedi they’ll complain she’s evil. Write a gay Holmes they’ll complain he isn’t black. Write a transgender cop they’ll complain he isn’t the hero.

Here’s the thing about that: You personally can’t write all the wrongs. You can write gay-positive stories, women-motivated tales, or whatever you write that gives voice to people who are often marginalized. What you can’t possibly do is give voice to every one.

And some people will complain about that, and for them nothing you write will ever be enough. So when they tell you your trans cop, your bad ass Jedi, your gay Holmes isn’t good enough—don’t listen. Make the world better in the way you do it. Those people are not living in your skin, you are. They’re not writing, you are. So write what’s inside you, make it beautiful and affirmative, give yourself and others a voice, but please don’t apologize to people who would never, ever apologize to you.

Deception is Key

To @clouds-crying-rain. Sorry it took too long, (shit happened) :D

based on this lovely prompt. 

Enjoy!


“Don’t you get it, Shiro?” Lance gripped the small screw in his hand, the pain giving him the focus he badly needed. “We don’t have a chance against the Galra. They outnumber us by millions. D’you think we can fight every fight, win every battle without any permanent casualties?”

“Don’t say that, Lance. I know you don’t believe that. Voltron is strong, we are strong as long as we work together as a team, we can defeat them.” Shiro took a step forward but the Galran soldier held him back. “Please Lance, don’t go.” Shiro pleaded, his voice so vulnerable that Lance almost turned and wrap Shiro in his arms…

Almost.

Lance saw the glint in Lotor’s eyes. Lotor was Zarkon’s only heir, tasked to rule over his father’s empire and to bring an end to Voltron. His attempts were always a failure that it was almost funny. But after a few skirmishes here and there, Prince Lotor has learned Voltron’s strengths and weaknesses, so much so that he was able to execute a flawless plan that led them here. 

“And what if I stay?” Lance turned to show Shiro a mockingly sweet smile. “What will I come back to?” In order to make this convincing, Lance needed to cut deep and true. He needed to open the floodgates and drown.  

“A team who treats me like shit? That no matter what I do, I will never ever be enough? Because if that’s it, then I’d rather sell my soul to the devil that is the Galra than to be reminded every single fucking day that I am a worthless, good for nothing Paladin who’s just a waste of space.” Lance was doing damage, he was still wearing his helmet and the comms were live. He knew that, but once the floodgates that was his emotional control crumble, be ready to drown; survivors be damned. “You think I don’t hear the whispers and mutters of each of these people who have the balls to call me their friend? ‘Lance messed up again.’ ‘Guess who couldn’t keep it in their pants?’ ‘Why me? He’ll just mess up one way or another.’ Guess what fuckers, I heard all of that.” Lance felt his eyes burn, but not with tears this time.

“So tell me, Shiro, what good will come out with me coming back to those bastards, huh? And don’t say that the team will change or any of your leader bullshit because I know, based from experience, that people don’t change that easily. Hell, they’ll probably play nice because I’m a fucking time bomb. They’ll say sweet things because they know that if they mess up, I’ll do this again. I can practically hear Pidge saying it right now.” This is good. Lance didn’t want to let Shiro talk because he knew that his facade will crumble if he did. 

“Please. If not the team, then me. Come back to me, Lance. I-I’ll be good to you, I promise. Lance, please. I-I love you, Lance. Don’t go please. I can’t lose you.” Shiro’s voice was watery and thin, that even in this distance, Lance can see the tears that glisten on his eyes.

*Caution: Shangst approaching*

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AM I ENOUGH

Bucky X Reader

Summary: he was your everything but apparently you weren’t his. Left with nothing but some memories where will life take you?

Warnings: Super angst right from the first sentence, Sam being awesome

A/N: ok I know I shouldn’t be starting something new when I’m working on something but this can to me and I needed to write it out before it left me. I’m tagging some people that have helped me write and make a better story. I hope I have put all your advice to good work. @annadier @marvelous-imagining and @metalarmproblems And the always amazing @veronicalei

“You promised you would stay with me. That nothing on Earth could stop you from breaking that promise. What did I do? I don’t know what I did wrong, not to make you leave me.”

“I know she’s perfect, she’s everything you deserve but I thought, maybe for once, I could be enough for someone, for you. You said I was everything you could ever need. Did you ever want me though? If you only needed me, you could have needed me and just been my friend. Why drag me through this and give me so much, only to say none of it was real?” Your cries have fallen on deaf ears. His back is now turned from you shutting you out once more.

The words were echoing in your head they were the first moments of everything crumbling down around you. You couldn’t stay here anymore. He wanted you gone.

You hastily scribbled out a note it was written on the back of one of your pictures making it hard to write on and puncturing the photo at times. Your hand was shaky and tears blurred you vision. You were determined however to get this out and send it to him.

“I’m sorry. I should have seen the signs earlier, but then again I guess I did. I was just fooling myself into thinking I could hold on to you longer when that’s probably when I already lost you. I’m sorry I kept you from her, I won’t bother you anymore. I hope one day you’ll forgive me for keeping you from her for so long.“

You write Love before scribbling it out and simply put your name.

You slide it under the door and walk away. He wouldn’t get it for a few days as he was gone on a mission. That left you with enough time to make a clean get away, not that anyone was going to come after you.

You weren’t a part of the team, didn’t work with them, didn’t technically live with them either. You were just dating one of the members. Well dated one of them. In fact if he hasn’t said anything they may not notice your absence for awhile thinking you were busy or something.

You had come to collect everything that you had left here. The clothes, the nic-nacs you had collected over time, photos, really anything that could remind him of you. He moved on and didn’t need your junk in the way. Carting it all away you drop most of it down the garbage shoot putting an end to that. You walked into the main lounge and collected a couple more things. With a final look around you said goodbye and the door shut it all from your view.

“FRIDAY, I’m leaving now you can revoke my access privileges as per his request.”

“All right, Miss (Y/L). It has been nice knowing you. Have a pleasant day.”

“I’ll try FRIDAY.”

Stepping out of the building you head out not quite knowing where you were going but knowing it was far away from here.


The team had gotten back from a grueling mission, they were all banged up and suffering from an arrangement of injuries but none needed professional medical help. A couple bandaids would do the trick and a hot shower for everything else. They filed out of the quinjet; to their surprise you weren’t waiting there for them. Usually you would be fidgeting waiting to see that each one was back and relatively unharmed.

Sam was the first to speak up “Hey man where is (Y/N)?” He asks Bucky. “She knew we were coming back today, yes? You text her?”

Bucky stiffens forgetting that you wouldn’t be here any more. He shrugs attempting to take the subject off you and more so him.

“Man, I could really use a hug from her right now. You know check over my injuries, berate me for getting injured in the first place.” He jokes with the others. They all chuckle knowing that is exactly what you would do to all of them. Well except Bucky, you would be pampering and nitpicking his every move just to reassure yourself that he was safe.

“Maybe she fell asleep waiting for us. FRIDAY, we’re back, is (Y/N) in the building?” Tony asks, you had done that a couple times before because of the lateness of a mission.

“No Sir she is not. She has not been back since two days ago. She collected some of her stuff and hasn’t been back since.”

“Oh, alright I’ll just have to text her since other people seem to have forgotten.” He says shooting Bucky a glare. Bucky can’t meet his eyes knowing the true reason to why you weren’t there.

They shuffle to their separate rooms to shower and change. They all eventually drift back to the kitchen when their stomachs announce their need for food. All but Bucky had come down, Steve the concerned friend he always was went to get him. Knocking on the door he found Bucky standing in his room showered but staring at the bed. It was nicely made the grey comforter pulled up and the pillows tucked under and plumped. The room was perfectly squared away not a thing out if place it seemed odd but Steve shrugged it off and continued in to the room.

He places a hand on Bucky’s shoulder causing him to jump at the touch. “Hey just wanted to let you know that there is dinner in the kitchen everyone is waiting for you. Have you heard anything from (Y/N) yet?” Bucky shakes his head. “Hey what’s up with you you’ve been weird for this whole mission and even now?”

“Its nothing Steve, I just been dying to sleep in my own bed now.”

He rolls his shoulder pushing Steve’s hand off of him. He heads out leaving Steve behind, Steve takes a deep breath and drops his head. He was only trying to help. A picture on the ground catches his eyes, he stoops down to pick it up. It’s the picture from one of your days on the beach together. Bucky and You had romped along the beach all day playing in the water and building numerous sand castles only to have the other knock it down. Here though you both had laid down tired from the day, your head was on his chest, his arm wrapped around you both sleeping under an umbrella. It was one of your favorites, flipping it over he reads your words.

His heart breaks, suddenly everything makes sense. Bucky’s attitude, he wouldn’t focus to save his life missing quite a few easy shots during the mission; the room, he looks up none of your personal things could be seen, there was nothing scattered about like you usually have. So thats what happened, he whips around and chases Bucky down. He starts waving the photo as he sees him sitting at the kitchen counter, not fully taking in his surroundings.

“What the heck is this?” Shoving it in his face. Bucky grabs it and looks at the photo before turning it over. He reads the words but doesn’t quite comprehend it all, so he sits and stare trying to make it say something else. He thought he wanted to move on from you that you weren’t enough but now, he wasn’t so sure. He hadn’t cared while you had screamed at him and begged him to explain.

“Answer me Bucky what happened between you and (Y/N)? Why isn’t she coming back?” You could here a pin drop it was so silent in the room all gaping at Bucky.

“That’s why she is not here?“ Tony half standing now from where he had been sitting on the couch.

“Tell me!” Steve snaps. Taking Bucky by the collar and forcing him to look him in the eye.

“I….I broke up with her.” He whispers, “Right before the mission.” His voice keeps getting smaller.

“Why? Why would you ever want to do that?” Steve pleads. “She was your everything. You couldn’t stop talking about her when she wasn’t with you and when she was you were attached at the hip. She’s your best friend, a kind of friend I can never be.”

“I thought…” He trails off not wanting to phrase the next part wrong . “I thought I wanted something else… someone else.”

“You arrogant son of a… Did you cheat on her?” Tony growls.

“No I couldn’t do that. Not to her.”

“But you could break up with her out of the blue after she gave you everything!”

“Hey whoa back up, now let’s calm down and talk it out” Sam is standing pulling Tony back by the shoulder trying to mediate before tensions could rise further. “Sit down Tony this isn’t going to help anything.”

Tony sits with a huff. Sam faces Bucky meeting his eyes. “Bucky I’m guessing you’re regreting breaking up with her now. Why?”

“I walked in the room and nothing felt right it wasn’t home, I looked for anything to hold on to buts all gone. She took everything of hers is gone even out here. The book she kept on the side table. The bankets, even the pillows every single one is gone. She disappeared and it like I’m missing a part of myself. I don’t know what to do.“

“And this person you were leaving her for, she doesn’t make you feel this way? Does she make you happy? Maybe you just need to get used to the idea that (Y/N) is gone.”

Protests were heard all around. Sam held up his hands shushing them as he went to explain himself. Bucky was looking even more confused staring now down at his hands like they held the answer.

“All I’m saying is I don’t want you trying to get her back just because you are used to her being there. She was a constant but you drifted away from her for a reason. I want you to decide whether she is everything you could ever want and need now and forever. That she is going to be the only one always. Or you can let her go and you both move on with your lives. You need to know she is not just going to let you back in after what you did to her. You are going to have to fight to get her back. It may take a long while longer than either of you may like but you have left a very broken girl in your wake. I want to you to be absolutely certain you love her with all you have.”

Now everyone is staring at Sam. They tend to forget he is a councillor for the VA so everything that he just said made so much sense and very true. Now the question was he willing to fight for you?

To be continued……

@metalarmproblems and @veronicalei
“Care for You”  Daryl Dixon x Reader

Word Count: 1,534

Daryl Dixon x Reader

Summary: You’re a quiet, observant person who doesn’t talk much, a lot like Daryl, which made you take a liking to him from the beginning. You’ve never actually held a conversation with anyone, so when you defend Daryl one day by yelling at Shane, the entire group is surprised.

Warnings: Mentions of death, language, super slight fluff, angst

Originally posted by lifedeathandlovefromstankonia


You watch him as he walks back from the field, covered in dirt, his crossbow behind his shoulder. You know he has to be utterly exhausted from being out there all day- he got up the same time the sun did, and left only a few minutes afterwards. It’s sunset, and he’s only just now coming back.

Daryl Dixon. You’ve never met a man quite like him. When he and his group came onto your farm, you took interest in him immediately. You’re a quiet person- you don’t talk much, not even to your own family. You’ve always been introverted and preferred being alone than being with other people. This certainly didn’t change once this new group showed up here, but rather enhanced it.

This personality trait of yours became helpful after a while. Being a quiet and stand-offish person made you observant. You noticed that Daryl has a rough demeanor. He doesn’t talk much (but if he does, it’s usually a rude comment) and he typically keeps to himself. He pretends as if the only thing he cares about is himself, and is rude to anyone who says otherwise. But, you also noticed another side of him. The side that he thinks that no one knows about. The side that cares.

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