nothing to kill yourself over

Sacrifices

“You need to stop.”

The visor hit the floor with a muddled, careless thunk, followed by separately discarded gloves. The beat-up jacket came soon after, sliding off the squeaky old chair it was supposed to go on with a sad rustle. But Jack just couldn’t be bothered. Didn’t even turn his head at Gabriel’s piercing stare.

“What do you mean?”

Reaper didn’t answer right away, but the musty air swirled uncomfortably in his annoyance.

“That was sloppy. Two of them got away-”

“We shot them down anyway.”

“You got shot!”

“Grazed. Biotic pack fixed it.”

“Talon was on their fucking way!”

“We got away before they arrived, didn’t we?”

“The fucking information we almost lost our heads for was almost fucking forgotten!!!”

“Got it here now.”

Gabriel’s roar was deafening. Jack didn’t even flinch when a clawed hand closed around his throat. Glowering crimson eyes were seething with black smog, the same substance that was billowing furiously out of the corner of Gabriel’s mouth.

And Jack had the audacity to look bored.

This had happened many times before. Gabriel would get angry and throw what Ana used to call a temper tantrum. Jack would either shout back or wait it out like the exasperated “adult” he was. But never like this.

Never like this.

As pissed off as Gabriel was, he still searched Jack’s face. Delving into those eyes that only grew brighter with age. Only to find his heart, charred and blackened as it was after all the shit Ziegler did, ceased beating.

“Why are you giving up?”

That riled up a reaction out of Jack, but he seemed more annoyed than anything. He tried once to shove Gabriel away, but shrugged as his attempt failed, “I’m not. I’m still doing all this shit, aren’t I?”

“Fuck off with that.” Gabriel hissed, his ire returning in waves, “You are not stupid, Morrison, and neither am I. So stop bullshitting and answer the goddamn question.”

This time, Jack glared back and, amidst the rage, Gabriel was glad to see that spark again, instead of alarming nonchalance. The old soldier punched Gabriel at the wrist, knocking his hand away and heedless of the scratches left on his pale throat. Turning his back, Jack started to pace. He was like a trapped animal, Gabriel observed, but lack the fire to fight. And that, above all, worried Gabriel the most. So he waited, counting heavy steps against rotting wooden planks, and watching fine silver hair fluttered as the gears turned in Jack’s head.

“What’s the point?” Jack finally said, stopping for just a scant moment before picking up once more, faster and more frustrated, “What’s the point anymore, Gabe? I know what happened now. I know why shit went south. We have the truth uncovered and for what?! The war goes on. The world is still set in its motion! Nothing changed! Nothing! And I- I!!”

Unable to convey it to words, he violently kicked his visor away. Old or not, Jack was still a super soldier, and the unfortunate piece of metal was left embedded on the wall, crackling with statics.

“Winston isn’t going to be happy about that.”

Jack didn’t seem to have taken Gabriel’s comment lightly either, evident in his string of profanities. Though, Gabriel had to admit he was smug, because Jack startled when the dark man’s arms came to wrap around him. The soldier went rigid, but Gabriel simply nuzzled against his temple, feeling a tiny spike of nostalgia.

“Your heart is weary.” He rumbled, then waited for Jack’s tension to shoot up, before giving in and slumped into his embrace. Predictable, as always. “It’s nothing to kill yourself over, and certainly not something you shouldn’t feel.”

Jack was quiet, but his squeeze on Gabriel’s bicep had the latter smirking, affectionately so, “If you wanted a break, you should have said so.”

He could feel Jack’s nerves prickling, and wheezed out a laughter when he was elbowed in the ribs. They stayed like that for a while. Gabriel was patient tonight, something rarely happened, and he was content to feel Jack’s breathing evened out against his shoulder.

“We should go somewhere.”

Gabriel’s grin was ear-splitting and he felt like they were kids again, “Quoting myself, Winston isn’t going to be happy about this, but he can go fuck himself with a banana if he thinks we’re gonna spend our vacation in a sardine tin like this.”

Jack was exasperated once more, and Gabriel didn’t mind one bit. It was due time they got some rest, and he would set the world on fire if they tried to get in the way.

Important

     I just got done listening to Hurt by Nine Inch nails and holy shit I’m no joke crying. Dylan didn’t deserve the way he felt. Eric didn’t deserve the way he felt. The 13 innocent lives didn’t deserve there end. Dylan and Eric didn’t deserve suicide or any death for that matter. The fact that they felt the need to get revenge on a school through massacre is so traumatic. No one should be pushed to the point where they have that view. Please if anyone who’s reading this has homicidal thoughts that they can’t keep under control, please reach help. Talk to someone who won’t get you locked up. Talk to someone you know you can trust. Hell talk to me if there’s no one you know of. 

     No one should feel the need to self harm either. Please seek help or if you don’t want to be open about it, try to stop. I know it’s hard and I know you probably read and hear stuff like this 24/7 but please just don’t. Nothing is worth hurting or killing yourself or anyone else over. I could rant on and on but I’m not going to. Please just take care of yourselves and the others around you. Make sure you eat, drink, and sleep enough. Tell others that too. 

Wrong Place, Wrong Time - Jason Todd x Reader

A/N: It’s OCTOBER YA’LL!!!!!!! You know what that means … . HOLY HALLOWEEN B@MAN SPECTACULAR!!!!!!! This is the first spoopy request for this month and this particular story has at least 2 more planned parts!

Prompt: Hi! I was wondering if you have time and since it’s almost Halloween, you could do a vampire fic with Jason or the batboys, if it’s okay with you. Pretty please?? And thank you:)) (requested by @redbircl)

“Are you sure you don’t want to share a cab?” You dreadfully hopeful date asked suggestively. This was probably one of the worst dates you’ve ever had and your date just couldn’t seem to get the hint that you weren’t interested after he started bragging about how many women he’s banged. You forced a smile and waved him off.

“No that’s fine. I have some errands to run before I can go back home. Thanks for the offer though.” You said politely hoping that this was the miraculous moment where he might catch on.

“Whatever you say. I’ll text you later, ok babe?” He said as he slid into the back seat of his cab.

“Uh huh.” You hummed non committedly.

“Night gorgeous!” He said blowing you kiss and a wink. After his cab was out of sight you sighed and rolled your eyes. You can’t help but to wonder what you ever did to deserve to be attracted to such horrible men.

Shaking your head slowly you wrap your jacket around you closer to protect you from the cold Gotham night air and started to walk home. You tried not to linger too long in any place and you hurriedly walked the shortest possible route to your apartment. You were only a couple blocks away when you decided you were going to cut through an alley in an effort to get yourself home faster. You didn’t realize you were being followed and next thing you knew you felt a subtle sting of a knife being held at your back.

“Don’t you dare fucking scream. Gimme the purse” He whispered threateningly. Your eyes widened in fear but you followed his directions and handed him your purse. Nothing in it was worth enough to get yourself killed over. “Good girl. Now your cell phone. Hand it over, bitch.” He commanded pressing the blade a little harder against you. Tears sprang to your eyes at the pain but you handed him your cell phone as commanded.

“Please! You have what you want! Let me go.” You said fearfully.

“Oh, I’m not done with you yet.” He leered roughly grabbing your hips and squeezing your ass, his fingers painfully digging into you.

“Don’t touch me.” You growled trying to pull away from him. He spun you in his arms and clasped your wrists in his iron grip to keep you from fighting.

“I’ll do whatever and whoever the fuck I please, and right now that lucky whore is you.” He snarled. His unoccupied hand reached down and ripped at your dress. You began to scream and kick against him, trying to break from his grasp. He slapped you hard against the cheek and covered your mouth with his hand to muffle your screams.

Suddenly your attacker was ripped away from you and you fell to the ground. When you looked up you saw your savior forcefully expose your attacker’s neck and roughly sink his teeth into the helpless man’s neck. You sat on the damp ground petrified as you watched the scene unfold, as you watched your attacker get the blood sucked out of him.

When your attacker fell limp and lifeless in your savior’s arms, your savior lifted his head with blood staining his lips and teeth. You gasped in fright and suddenly the man’s dark, hungry, gaze was fixated on you. You scrambled to your feet and tried to run away from the man but easily and fluidly pounced at you, taking you firmly in his arms. You kicked and screamed against him and tried escaping his grasp. He snarled animalistically and your struggles and as soon as he had the opening he sunk his head into the crook of your neck and bit down, his teeth easily slicing through your skin like butter.

You let out a blood curdling scream as you registered the pain in your neck and he started to steal your life force. You tried fighting against him, pushing him away, kicking and punching him. Nothing worked and eventually your attempts to escape grew weaker and weaker as you lost more blood to him. When he had gotten his fill of you he pulled away and looked at you in guilt and remorse.

“God no! I’m so sorry! I didn’t meant to! Fuck!” He cried out angrily at himself as your vision started to fade into blackness. He set you carefully on the ground and gently swept your hair away from your eyes.  “I’m sorry” You heard him whisper sincerely as he walked away from you just before you blacked out.

Miraculously a stranger happened to notice you that night and called an ambulance for you. You attacker was pronounced dead on the scene but you were resilient, you survived. You were rushed to the hospital where they gave you a blood transfusion. You had lost most of your blood and the doctors told you when you woke up that it was an outright miracle that you were alive with the unprecedented amount of blood you lost.

You should have died that night but you didn’t.

You started thinking a lot about what happened to you, if it were really possible that that man could have been an actual blood sucking vampire. It seemed a ridiculous thought to you, a silly horror story that is usually saved for a Halloween campfire story but the scarring bite mark on your neck told you otherwise.  

Life goes on and you try to put the incident behind you as your bite mark scarred over and became a little less noticeable. The mark healed quicker than you thought possible but you weren’t going to be one to complain about it. Most people now assumed that you just had an enthusiastic lover but you knew the truth.

You were on your way home from work one night, making sure to take well lit paths. After what happened to you, you vowed that no short cut was worth the risk, not in this town. You were hyper aware of your surroundings so you stopped dead in your tracks when you saw a familiar crop of dark hair. You visibly paled several shades and stood petrified as the two of you stood staring each other down, both of you equally wide eyes.

“It’s you.” Jason whispered in awe. You broke out of your trance and immediately sprinted away from him. “Wait!” Jason calls after you. He sighs and starts following your scent. He could easily catch up to you but he figured that would panic you more than you already are.

Jason couldn’t help but to be intrigued by you. He was almost certain that he killed you that night but he had left you in the alley before he could hear your heart stop. He didn’t mean to attack you like he had. He only intended to kill your attacker but the moment his blood hit his tongue the bloodlust took over. He didn’t register attacking you until after he came out of his bloodlust fueled haze and you were lying half dead in his arms. He had felt guilty for what he did to you and his family reprimanded him when he told them what had happened. If he could be given the chance, he wanted to make amends with you or at the very least apologize.

Jason easily caught up with you and pulled you into the shadows away from the prying eyes of any passerby. “Just wait a minute!” He pleaded, his hand reaching out to grab your arm.  

“Please!” You sobbed. “Don’t kill me! I swear I won’t tell anyone what I saw.”

“I’m not going to kill you.” He reassured in a gentle voice.

“What do you want from me?” You asked, him still tightly gripping your wrists. He looked down where he was holding you and released your hands from his grasp.

“I - are you alright?”

“What?” You asked incredulously. You found it ridiculous that he of all people was worried about your well being.

“Are you alright?” Jason repeated. “I know this might be hard for you to believe but I never meant to hurt you that night. I lost control and I’m sorry I couldn’t stop myself sooner.”

“Well why didn’t you?” You asked accusingly. He hesitated before responding.

“The bloodlust. It’s hard to explain since you’re human but for me, once I start I can’t stop. Especially if I don’t … eat often enough. When I found you I had gone too long without it.” He explained gently. Your head was reeling with all the information. “Usually I hunt criminals, people who don’t deserve to live anyway, but never innocent civilians. I would have stopped myself from hurting you if I could.” He explained.

“What right do you have to decide who lives and who dies?” You asked in offense.

“Excuse me?” He asked with a critically raised eyebrow. Every part of you said to run, to not anger the predator that could easily still sink his teeth into your neck and finish the job.

“What about the good criminals?” You asked.

“Do you even hear yourself?” He asked mockingly.

“Yes I do! There are people who only do the things that they do in order to survive. Surely you must understand that.”

“And how do you suggest I distinguish between them, if it’s so goddamn important to you that the right criminals live? Also keeping in mind that the longer I go without the more likely someone like you is going to get hurt again. How do you weigh your morality and the safety of good innocent people?” He asked angrily, slowly stalking towards you. Your eyes widened in fear and you walked backwards until your back hit the wall of the alley. He was close enough to you that you could feel his breath brushing against your face. He leaned in and brushed a finger against the closed wound that he left on your neck that night. You wrenched your eyes shut in fear, sure that your end was near. You should have known better than to poke at the lion but you have too big of a fucking mouth for your own good. But the end didn’t come and he sighed in frustration.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go off on you like that. You have nothing to fear from me.” He reassured gently, his eyes gazing down at your scarring tissue. You could see a hint of hunger in his eyes but he pushed it aside.  “I know I will never have your trust but I assure you I don’t take lives lightly. Out of respect to you, I’ll try to be more conscious of which criminals I target in the future.”

“Do you expect me to thank you?” You asked looking defiantly into his admittedly enchanting eyes. His eyes narrowed and he stepped away from you.

“No. Not at all.” He grumbled and turned to walk away from you.

“Wait! I never got your name!” You called as he walked further away from you. He stopped and turned around to flash you a smile. The sight of his teeth sent an involuntary shiver of discomfort down your spine. You had to remind yourself that despite this man’s charming and handsome appearance he was potentially fatally dangerous to all he came in contact with.

“Jason.” He answered.

“I’m [Y/N], in case you were wondering.” You offered.

“Have a good life [Y/N]. May fortune let this be the last time we meet.” He casually saluted you before shoving his hands in his pockets and turning away to disappear into the night.

1| Complete the study guide

Your teachers gave this to you for a reason. Sometimes the make the disclaimer that “this study guide does not cover all the materials”, but let’s be real 80% of the time everything on the study is on the test and sometimes it’s plus a little. Complete and focus on the study plus any other important facts/information you found that the teacher highlighted in class. You can always go above and beyond. Those who do so equate to As.

2| Review lecture materials

It is always important to review your lecture materials before finals, but remember not to keep all of your attention on it. Yes, your teacher mentioned it in class so it’s important, but is it important enough to be on the exam?

3| Sleep

Staying up to 3am the night before an exam that you have at 8am (especially finals) does nothing good for you. Get to bed early! On finals week, I try to be in bed, lights out by 12:30, sometimes earlier. It is better to fall asleep early and wake up early because when you sleep your brain begins to set in information. Wake up early and review the material just to refresh and jog your memory.

4| Do You Really Know This?

I always find myself asking this question. Do I? If I need particular cues such as sentences or key words to help remember, I try to go beyond and know it even further because what-if that special word or phrase isn’t on the exam and I can’t think of the answer. Learn something to point where a glimpse at the word or definition sparks your memory and you can rattle of various information.

5| Take some breaks

Move around every few hours. You deserve it. Your brain deserves it. And it will help to stay focused.

6| Review

The first days of studying should be teaching yourself the material again while the last two days before the exam should be focused on reviewing and understanding icy topics you are having issues with.

7| Plan out your time

Write out when and how often you are going to study for a particular class and stick to it. Know what classes need more attention and what materials you know better. Know yourself and your time while planning accordingly.

8| Don’t look back

After the exam, don’t look back and review the questions. You can’t change it now and you’l just kill yourself over it. You can change nothing. You did your best and as long as you know that, everything will work out in the long run. Yes, even if you get a D (or F…then you have to retake the class, but now you know what to expect!)

209. Silent treatment (requested)

Dan: “I’m not gonna be able to do all of this,” you whispered, looking at your list of assignments. “Just get done what you can. It’s nothing to kill yourself over,” Dan stated. You glared at him, turned around, walked to the bedroom, and slammed the door shut. Dan gave you a couple of minutes before he knocked on the door. But, you didn’t answer. He tried again. Nothing. And again. Still nothing. “Please open the door,” he said quietly. “Go away,” you mumbled as tears fell. He stood there and sighed. He knew he screwed up. He knew how delicate that subject was. “Come on, you know I rarely think before I speak.” “But you still said it Dan!” you yelled from the other side of the door. “I know, and I’m sorry, okay? If I could go back in time and not say it, I would. I was using it as a figure of speech; I wasn’t thinking about how it would actually sound. I love you more than anything and I would never hurt you intentionally like that.” You moved from your curled up position on the bed and opened the door. You glared at him, tears staining your cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. He opened his arms slightly for a hug, which you accepted. “Forgive me?” he asked. You nodded against his chest.

Phil: “The party is next Friday,” you read from your email. “I don’t think I’m gonna go.” “What?” “I don’t want to go,” Phil repeated, not looking up from his laptop. “Seriously? So you’d rather sit here, than eat, drink, and be there when I win an award?” you asked. He didn’t say anything. “Wow. Thanks a lot,” you mumbled as you left the room. Next Friday was the annual winter party at your work, and you were told that you would be receiving the award for manager of the year. You thought for sure he would come along, he’s supported you through everything else. You stayed in the bedroom for the rest of the night. And even by the next day, you still hadn’t talked to him. Every time he tried to talk to you, you ignored him. You knew it probably wasn’t the right thing to do, but you were still mad. “Look, I get that you’re mad, okay? And you have every right to be. That was kind of a shitty thing for me to do. I just had no idea how important this was. I’ve cleared the entire day on Friday so we can go.” “Really?” Phil nodded. “Thank you,” you smiled. “I’ll be the one clapping the loudest.” “Oh god. I want you to go, but please don’t embarrass me,” you laughed.

Text: After over a year being clean, I had a slight self-harm relapse. The performance where Gerard talks about the Daily Mail calling MCR a cult because of a girl who happened to listen to them sadly killed herself, he said “Nothing is worth hurting yourself over. Nothing is worth taking your life over.” His words kept playing over in my head whenever I was about to do it, and encouraged me to stop. I have been clean again for about 2 months now. Thank you Gerard.

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