You groaned, opening one eye. The sun was shining brightly down on you, burning your irises. You pulled yourself up off the fence, stretching your back from the awkward position that you were in all night. By the sun and the empty streets, it was probably around seven in the morning. You stumbled up, attempting to walk with your wobbly legs. You pulled your bag from the bench, and began proceeding in the direction of your house.
It took you a few minutes to get there, your grogginess getting the best of you. As you were walking down your block, you finally remembered why you were outside. “Hamilton!” You yelled, widening your eyes. You quickly touched your neck, feeling nothing but smooth skin. You looked at your clothes, blood staining them. “What the-ow!” You touched your face, the skin tender.
alone, you sat in your room pondering about why you felt so weird and uncomfortable. especially in your own home.
your brother, who was four years younger than you was downstairs playing on the game system that you bought him earlier in the year. not only was it him downstairs, but also his friend..mark.
you hated to admit to yourself but, you had developed a crush. a crush on mark, who was the same age as your brother. they’ve been friends for about six years now so, you knew that liking him wasn’t gonna be just a phase. you knew and experienced too much. he’s a great person.
you usually dated older guys but it was something about him that caught your eye. from the way that he dressed to the way that he talked. he spoke with intelligence and owned up to his mistakes. those were things that you looked for in a significant other.
“um y/n?” your thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice. you turned around to see who the voice belonged to and just as you thought, it was mark. he stood at the doorway, with his hands in his pockets.
“yeah?” you sat down at the edge of your bed and tried your best to keep your composure.
“b/n told me to ask you if he could eat the pizza that’s in the refrigerater…” he flicked his tongue at the roof of his mouth which made your hormones run wild.
“tell him that he can eat the pizza but, he’s gonna take me to the pizzeria to make up for it.”
“al…right.” mark said before disappearing down the stairs.
you hummed, thinking that he was being a little too suspense. so, you headed downstairs to the kitchen to see what was up.
“mark!” you shouted, with your eyes shot wide and mouth in the shape of an o.
mark lied to you. he was standing at the island, destroying the pizza that you thought your brother was supposed to eat. sometimes he did little kid stuff like this, but because you had a crush on him, you’d always let him slide.
“what happened this time?!” your brother came running in, his curiosity was at a high.
“mark told me that you wanted to eat that pizza but it seems like he lied using your name.” you paused and let out the little laugh that you were holding. “mark, if you wanted the pizza you could’ve just asked for yourself. don’t lie to me again.”
the 17 year old boy nodded. “alright my bad y/n, i won’t do it again.”
“hug.” your annoying brother ordered you two. besides you, he also knew about your feelings towards mark. how did he find out? he was ease dropping your conversation with your friend. he confronted you about it and you confirmed although you didn’t want to. it wouldn’t have made any difference though, he heard you say it.
mark spread his arms wide and just stopped there, waiting for you to embrace with him. slowly, you came closer and wrapped your arms around his skinny figure.
‘damn you smell good.’ you thought. neither of you were even aware of how tight you were hugging until your brother broke you two up.
“okay enough of that. mark, come on so i can beat your ass in 2k before we leave.” he said, while walking back to the living area.
“language.” you said although he never listened.
“you can’t beat me but let’s go.” mark glanced over at you before grabbing his plate and following.
you brushed what had just happened off and decided on sitting in the room with them. not for mark but just because you wanted to…
as expected a few glances were exchanged between you and mark. if you didn’t know any better, you’d think that he had a little something for you too but…you were sure that he only liked girls his age or younger.
“alright bro you ready to go?” your brother stood up and let out a dramatic sigh.
“ahh see now you wanna go when i! beat! you..” mark followed and responded even more dramatically.
your brother scoffed and turned off the game system. he got his bag and put it over his shoulder before coming over to you and kissing your forehead.
“bye sis.” he laughed at his action and your response.
“yeah yeah hurry up and get to the house.” you wiped your forehead and shooed him away.
mark on the other hand, stood back for a minute. obviously needing to tell you something. you could tell by his body language that he was again, nervous. “hey y/n..about that hug…what was that?”
you hesitated a little but remained calm. “um it was nothing…just a hug?”
“okay. bye y/n.” he huffed as if he was frustrated or annoyed and left out of the house.
you relocated on the couch that sat in front of your tv and turned to a movie on netflix. at times like this, you’d often wish that you had someone next to you…to cuddle with. your relationships usually didn’t work out because you made bad choices. it was a fact that you were usually desperate for affection, so you’d give almost any guy a chance to date you.
but usually, you wouldn’t date the guy but instead you’ll be friends with benefits excluding the sex. you just wanted to feel loved and not just by your family.
of course mark was on your mind. he was almost always your mind when he wasn’t around. things that never left your mind always had to do with him.
what would it look like dating a younger boy?
would your brother even accept it?
are you the female version of tyga?
does he even like you back?
these were the questions that always ran through your mind.
* you were awaken by your ringing phone at about three in the morning. while rubbing your sleepy eyes and looking at the phone screen, you saw that it was mark.
“what the f-…hello?” you accidentally hit answer.
“y/n are you up?” mark spoke in a sleepy tone, obviously he either stayed up late or he had just woken up.
“i am now? why are you calling me? it’s early as shit don’t you think?” you asked.
he chuckled a little. “i had a dream..about you.”
your eyes went wide out of confused shock. you bit down on your lip and thought about what to say. “umm okay..what did you dream?”
the line went silent for a whole minute, you were about to hang up until mark finally responded. “i took you on a date.” he chuckled again.
“wait, why? what?” you had to act as if you weren’t the happiest in the world. you sat up, removing the phone from your ear and putting it on speaker.
“i. took. y/n. which. is. you. on. a. date.” he said slowly and sarcastically.
you pursed your lips together and furrowed your eyebrows. “okay..? you know, you shouldn’t be dreaming of me… that’s illegal.” you replied, also in a sarcastic tone. you sighed, thinking of what you had just said.
it’s not right.
“y/n, i know that i’ll never get you but can i at least take you to the pizzeria to make up for that pizza? and it’s not like a date i swear..” he basically let you know that he liked you.
“i’m four years older than you m-”
“but i know that you like me just as much as i like you. plus, i’m legal in a few months… please y/n it’s not like im asking to date you yet.” he cut you off.
“okay, but you’re telling b/n about this.” you yawned.
“okay, i’ll see you later.” he replied before hanging up, not even giving you time to reply.
“what was this call?” you just stared at your phone in disbelief.
* you had just finished showering, fixing up your hair, and putting on your shoes. mark was supposed to be over at any moment now.
your brother was here, getting on your nerves as always. “why you all dressed up?”
“you’ll find out.” you gave him a fake smile and sat down at the island.
a few minutes had passed when mark had finally got here. your brother was so curious to see who was at the door so, he stopped you from answering it and answered himself.
“mark?” he scrunched up his face. “why is everyone all dressed up except for me? what is this? wait…”
mark let himself in and sighed, looking at your brother. he was actually pretty nervous, what he was about to say could possibly end their friendship. or if he was okay with this, their relationship would probably become weird.
“i’m taking y/n to the pizzeria to make up for that pizza i ate. it’s not what you think.” mark said.
“y'all cute.” your brother said before he plopped down on the couch and put all of his attention on the television.
you sighed in relief, thanking god that nothing bad happened. you turned to mark. “alright let’s go.”
* once you two got to the pizzeria, mark started to be a flirt which took you by surprise. he’d poke your thigh underneath the table, stare at you in awe while you ate, and randomly compliment you. you didn’t complain though.
“mark why are you acting up?” you giggled, taking a sip of your drink.
“y/n i like you. a lot.”
you almost choked. hearing your crush say that they like you back was like music to your ears. although you were older that him, you felt as if you needed to respond.. respond with the truth.
“i like you too. a lot.” you looked down, hiding your blushing face.
you didn’t see but, mark’s eyes shot open wide. he had felt the same exact way that you felt once he let you know how he felt.
“so what does this mean?” he asked.
“it means that we like each other i guess.” you responded, in a sarcastic tone.
“no seriously y/n. i don’t care about age. especially not now since i’ll be 18 in a couple of months. why are you playing hard to get?” he pouted.
you knew that he was being as serious as a heart attack but you just didn’t know what to do. “i don’t know mark.”
mark shook his head and got up, leaving to pay. you sat there, thinking. maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. it wasn’t like you were ten years older than him, it was nothing but a four year gap.
he came back after an additional five minutes, holding his hand out to you. “y/n..”
you hesitantly gave him your hand. he guided you out of the restaurant, and to his car where you two talked.
“wait for me.” he exhorted you which only made you bite down on your lip, and quickly decide on whether to say yes or no. two minutes, it took you two minutes to come down to a decision.
“i will wait for you.” you finally said.
“yes!” he accidentally shouted, showing you how excited he was. “oh my bad.” he tried playing it smooth but you were already laughing your ass off.
he started the engine to his car, and placed his right hand on your thigh. obviously you liked it but you didn’t want him to get any ideas. just because you two would be officially dating in a couple of months did not mean that he could continue to touch you the way that he was touching you. you were gonna have to be ‘petty’.
“hey mark?” you paused and slid your hand under his. “i hope that you’re enjoying this cause you’re not gonna be able to do anything such as touching me in intimate ways like this until you’re 18.”
as expected, he scoffed at you. he intertwined his fingers with yours and spoke, “you’re cute y/n. but i don’t think i’ll be able to keep my hands off of you. now that i know you’re mine.”
“god mark. that sounds promising.” you bit down on your lip and smiled at him.
“see.” he laughed.
you couldn’t wait until these couple of months were up. it was about to get wild.
“I’m making a coffee run anyone want anything while I’m out?” I blurt walking past the kitchen.
Chris puts down the newspaper “Can you get me that iced moc-”
“Nope? Nothing? Okay good! Bye” I jog past.
“I guess not then..” Chris mutters.
“Like you need anymore caffeine, she’s saving us all from an even more hyper Chris.” Sebastain chuckles while pouring a glass of water
Chris chuckles “She just doesn’t want anyone to distract her from her Coffee Shop lover boy.”
“Her WHAT?!” Sebastian spits water everywhere. “What in the world? All over the newspaper.”
“She has a what?!” Sebastian exclaims wiping his mouth. “She has a small crush on this Barista at that coffee shop, they both have taken a liking for each other. It’s a first name basis and everything.” Chris glances, sensing the change in Sebastian’s mood.
“I’ll be back.” Sebastian says jetting out the kitchen.
Chris makes a call “Hey Mackie, I believe you owe me- what was it? $20 dollars? He totally is going to block. ”
I always love that fresh roasted coffee smell. Today I feel I should just settle for a tea, switch it up a bit. Changing out of your everyday routine is beneficial. I think it might be time to give Grant the barista a
chance. Especially since my subtle hints to Seb continuously go unnoticed.
“Y/N How are you today? I was hoping I’d see you today. What are
you having today?” Grant smiled.
“Hey Grant, I’m great and you? I’m always happy to see yo-” I was abruptly cut off by the cool sensation of fingers lightly resting on my hip. “Hey babe, I changed my mind, I think I’ll get a ice black coffee. What are you getting?” Seb asked.
“I-I-I’ll take a Earl Grey.” clumsily searching for my wallet failing to catch every little thing falling out of my purse. Avoiding both Sebastian and Grant’s stare, I fumble with my purse picking up everything on the floor.
“Don’t worry about paying for it, I’ll take care of it.” says smirking.
You sit in the corner waiting for your drinks, screaming internally. Why the heck did he do that and why did he call me babe?! I can never come back here now I’m going to murder him.
Seb cheerily sits next to you, nudging you. You slowly turn staring at him hoping to burn holes in his head. “What the heck was that Sebastian?”
“So you’re calling me by my full name now? Seb replies grinning. “I can never come here again. Oh my god, I can’t believe you. Why would you ruin that for me? You are unbelievea-”
“Oh please, you love me. Plus, you go on one date with him, watch he’d turn out to be a creep.” he humorously explains. “Why settle for someone you don’t know, when you could..”
“When I could what?” I snap.
“When you could go on a date with someone who knows you Y/N someone like me.”
ronan stumbling into gansey’s room at almost four in the morning, drunk and angry and broken, swearing as gansey squints at him in the darkness. it’s been just over a week since ronan found niall, but looking at ronan now, it’s like it could’ve have happened just hours prior, his eyes shining and cheeks red and fingers clenched into white-knuckled fists by his sides, chest heaving raggedly.
gansey doesn’t get one word out before ronan starts up about how he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to fucking do, how is he fucking supposed to just carry on with his life now that his dad is gone forever? his dad, who taught him everything and not enough, who he loved and forgave, over and over, sometimes to a fault. his dad, who told his sons wild bedtime stories at night that ronan now
knows were probably legitimate accounts of his dreams and nightmares. his dad, who dreamed up fireflies that never stopped glowing so ronan and matthew could catch them together on humid summer nights at the barns, running haphazardly through the pastures with glee in their eyes and glass jars in their hands. his dad,
whose smile and imagination and poetry could win over just about anybody, except for the men who beat him to death with a tire iron.
and before ronan can stop it, before he even registers what’s happening, his vision blurs with wetness, and his throat is burning, and his knees are buckling, and gansey’s there, he’s just right there, somehow, to catch ronan before he falls, like he always does. gansey curses, foul words sounding dignified when they come from his lips. fuck. it’s quiet, almost too low for ronan to hear, and he says it not because he’s upset with ronan lynch but because he’s upset with himself for not being able to bring niall lynch back, or being able to prevent his death in the first place.
he sits on the edge of his mattress and eases ronan down after him. ronan’s silent sobs shake the mattress on its frame, and he buries his face in his hands even though it’s pointless, gansey’s already seen, and even if he hadn’t, he would still know.
ronan is defenseless against his grief. he can’t shake the tightness in his throat and chest, ruthless tears spilling down sharp cheekbones and lashes sticking together in damp triangles. his inhales are shaky and wet and he doesn’t protest when gansey brings him into an embrace, arms wrapped tight around ronan’s shoulders. gansey’s not saying it’ll be okay or you’ll get through this or he’ll always be in your heart. he’s saying i know and i’m so fucking sorry and i wish i could fix it,and ronan knows gansey’s heart is broken for him, can feel it in the tremble of his tanned hands on ronan’s spine, can hear it in the way his breath hitches.
but gansey is gansey, he’s strong and confident and collected even when no one else could ever be, and even when he runs out of apologies he just keeps holding ronan, talking about other things, talking just to fill the room with his easy voice, talking to coax ronan’s mind out of the darkness. ronan’s not okay. he’s not. but he’s a little better, and it’s enough for now, and he feels himself slipping, feels his eyes surrendering, feels his lungs trying to gain their composure, feels his lips trying to form the words thank you. he slumps out of gansey’s arms and stretches across the bed, settling his head atop gansey’s thigh, cheek against the soft material of gansey’s grey sweatpants. everything smells like old books and fresh mint, and ronan just lies there, arm danging off the side of gansey’s bed while gansey’s fingertips ghost over his shoulders, the calm sound of gansey’s voice lulling him to sleep.
… and we will join Keana again since it’s her cabin!
Lynn is sadly not part of the trip this time. A moment of silence pls and thx
Okay SO, back in July it seemed like you guys enjoyed the daily snaps tweets and shenanigans, so feel free to follow any of us! We are nothing special, really, but sometimes seeing queer people having a merry gay ol’ time (and probably get murdered in the woods) is all you need! The data in the cabin is nonexistent so it might be delayed, but we will find a way to communicate. Maybe.
My work and writing is obviously going to be put on hold for the duration of this trip, but I’ll make sure to spam you all with illustrations and new content once I get back to make up for leaving. :) I’m writing this post instead of packing and we are leaving in two hours. This is going great so far. Okay, BYE GUYS! ♥