I realized you weren’t worth it anymore. You were hurting me way more than making me happy. I was a lonely late night option for you, while you were the only fucking boy I wanted. It wasn’t worth the pain of seeing you in the halls and saying nothing to each other, but talking to each other over a screen later that day. It finally hit me; I was nothing to you at all, I was only comfort to you because you knew I’d be the only girl to tell you “I love you endlessly.” after putting me through complete hell. I left first this time, instead of you making up some poor excuse to leave for another time. I lost count of how many times you left after four. For now, I’m locking that fucking door. Yes, I will have nights where I picture the last time you stood in that doorway and think about the time you looked me in the eyes and begged for my forgiveness and asked me to take you back, but you no longer deserve my attention. If you got a taste of all the pain and stress you’ve put me though, you’d call all your “heartache” a scrape on the knee, while my pain is more painful than breaking every god damn bone in your body. You were bruising every last inch of my heart and brain and I kept saying “I can’t give up on him.” You kept saying “I’m sorry, I promise this won’t happen again.” but “this” happened way too many times. After twelve fucking months of being addicted to you, I’ve decided to go cold turkey. This is why I’ve blocked you out of my life. Even though I can’t block you out of my thoughts, I made it impossible for you to hurt me any longer.
It’s a Thursday night and I’m lounging in bed with red wine and Belgian dark chocolate thinking about how I knew I was a woman and no longer a girl the day I decided that I love myself more than any lover I have had or will have.
Today someone from my past added me on Facebook, a Scorp Libra rising Leo moon that I still consider to be my first love and one of the sweetest, if not one of the most ill-timed and painful. I chased him for years after we lost contact because I was empty and no one told me that you can’t make homes out of human beings. I haven’t heard his voice in years. We haven’t spoken yet and might not even at all because it’s Facebook and Facebook means nothing but I’m sitting here thinking about how sometimes life hurts and sometimes through that pain you find the greatest joy. It’s okay, all of it’s okay, everything is okay and everything unfolds the way that it must no matter how many claw marks I leave embedded in everything I have lost and no matter how many times I have to be taught to let go.
I’m taking all you down with me Explosives duct taped to my spine Nothing’s gonna change my mind
I won’t listen to anyone’s last words There’s nothing left for you to say Soon you’ll be dead any way No one is getting out alive This time I’ve really lost my mind and I don’t care So close your eyes And kiss yourself goodbye And think about the times You spent and what they’ve meant To me it’s nothing
But out of all the literary webseries to pop up in the last year or so, the most popular one of all is also the most surprising: Carmilla, based on the 19th-century gothic horror of the same name by J. Sheridan Le Fanu.
Ang sighed as she hung up the phone. The last of the BV project was being shut down. With the death of Dr. Malcolm, there was no one who knew anything about rifts. All that they once had was gone. She had nothing, not even her stupid fan fics to keep her spirits up anymore.
After the rifts had closed things had started to disappear. At first Ang could convince herself she had misplaced things but then Kinzie reported her joint work she once did with her other selves was now gone. Nothing from Bossville remained anymore and Ang had lost hope as they struggled to hold on to the memories. Maybe it was the time loop that was affecting their memories but without something to remind themselves, they were slowly forgetting. She struggled to recall her friends nowadays. She couldn’t remember why she had named her dog Georges anymore…
As if her thoughts summoned him, Georges ambled over to her, his muzzle almost completely grey with his advancing age. He wagged his tail beating it against the counter and her leg as he found the most comfortable spot. She petted him as she picked up her pen trying to get Eris’ horns just right. She couldn’t remember the exact angle of them anymore and was terrified to admit she couldn’t remember the sound of her voice anymore either.
A loud band distracted her and stomping of feet in high heels clanking on the hardwood floor let her know who was about to storm into the kitchen.
“I will not be followed by that green goblin anymore!” The shriek made Ang’s head start to throb.
“Évelyne we’ve been over this.” Ang said slowly. How many times would she have to have this argument?
“Mother I’m not doing this anymore!” She was informed. Ang rubbed her aching temples. Évelyne didn’t like Tina as her bodyguard because Tina didn’t put up with her attitude and made it clear she didn’t tolerate her friends who were a bunch of assholes.
“Maman! Maman!” The sound of rapid running accompanied the happy cries and Georges popped up as his favorite person ran into the room waving a paper. Ang smiled and held out her arms for her little one who flung herself into them and hugged her. “I got a 73!” She smiled happily.
“That’s only a C.” Évelyne scoffed.
“Evvie knock it off.” Ang snapped as she took the test. Évelyne was book smart but Jocelyn was smart in all the ways that would get her through the Saints. A C in English was damn good considering how shit the school system was and really since she spoke two languages fluently she didn’t care much how well some tarted up teacher graded her daughter.
“If she would study she’d get a better grade. It’s embarrassing to have a sister that scores so low.” Évelyne glared at her younger sister. Ang ruffled her daughter’s strawberry blond hair.
“Go and play Joce.” She smiled at her as she turned on her other daughter to give her an earful.
Jocelyn could hear her maman and sister fighting again. Ever since Evvie started dating George, which eww, she had been mean all the time. Bored of trying to turn up the TV loud enough to block them out she went out to the balcony. Maman hated it when she came out here, only because she was scared, but Jocelyn loved the heights. She watched the falcons that had started nesting over on the side for a while when something got her attention. There was something swirling under the balcony. It was barely seeable, it was weird looking. She stared at it for a minute before running inside and grabbing a pillow and dropping it off the balcony. The pillow disappeared!
Jocelyn chewed her lip for a moment wondering what it was. She remembered some bedtime story about rifts and portals to awesome places but Maman had stopped talking about them. She looked sad a lot when she looked out to this balcony.
“This is a bad idea.” Jocelyn muttered as she looked behind her and climbed up on the railing. There was netting that would catch her under that swirling thing but she’d be totally grounded. She chewed a little harder before deciding what the heck and jumped.
She didn’t land in the netting like she thought but on a bouncy castle that bounced her on to asphalt.
“Owwie!” She looked at her skinned arm and looked around. “Oh crap.” She was so grounded she realized as she saw she was in an airport looking place.
Drink, drink, drink Drown yourself in liquor Feel the pain all at once And then feel nothing, dance Let everything go Screw everyone, right? Dj is high and people are stoned Bartenders talk to you only if you tip more Girls are lost and fucked Guys are drunk and hot You don’t feel anything, anymore But it’s alright The world is a video game You lost control You lost the game Time to move on The bottle is your life now So drink, drink, drink Do you feel something? I think there’s nothing Your time is up Take your last sip And good luck, bye
Can we appreciate the character that is Taiyang? The man who has lost two loves, has had his two daughters go through hell, now has a fairly depressed daughter and a daughter who has run away? The man who showed nothing but love and concern for Ruby and Yang this last episode, the man who has the sense of humor to send Zwei through the mail?