nothing in my life makes sense right now

the signs as history of the entire world
  • Aries: Here comes the Assyrian empire-- never mind it's the Babylo-- Media-- it's the Persian Empire! (wow, that's big)
  • Taurus: ...they never got Ethiopia...
  • Gemini: Coming soon to a dank river valley near you
  • Cancer: It's sad. I'm sad. I miss you.
  • Leo: here's some huge heads. Must be the Olmecs.
  • Virgo: You could make a reli-- no, don't
  • Libra: It's a great idea. He was great. And now he's dead.
  • Scorpio: Don't worry about Rome, it won't fall.
  • Sagittarius: Actually, never. And also now. Nothing is nowhere. When? Never. Makes sense, right?
  • Capricorn: This whole thing is bullshit that's a scam fuck the church
  • Aquarius: What's on the menu? Communism!
  • Pisces: ...Wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere?
Cold.

Could you write a story based on Cold by Maroon 5?

Hii, thank you very much for your request and your patience. I know it’s been forever since I posted something and I know I still have so many requests to write. I don’t know when I’ll get to them though, I’m struggling with a few things right now and feel like I have to focus on myself. I’m sorry if this is sloppy and confusing but I tried my best.xxx

Sometimes Harry thinks it’s his fault. That maybe he did something wrong that pushed her away from him but when he goes through every situation in his head he comes up with nothing.

They’re engaged. For eight months.
She said yes when he asked her to marry him. She had tears in her eyes when he told her how wonderful she is. How much he loves her. Always. Forever.
She had the biggest smile he’s ever seen on her face when he pushed the ring onto her ring finger.
She showed emotion. She doesn’t do that anymore.
It’s like she’s not even herself anymore. When Harry met her for the first time he was speechless. He never met someone who had such an aura. He knew from the second his eyes landed on her that she was an absolute sunshine. She was glowing. She was happy.
She lost that three months ago.
When he got to know her, he knew she was the one. The one he would love with all his heart, forever. The one he would marry someday.
Now he isn’t sure anymore.
He couldn’t understand it. They had that kind of love you see in movies. That kind of love people write poems and songs about. It was perfect. But somehow it felt like she forgot that on their way.
Nowadays there were no tender touches. Whenever they kissed it felt different. They didn’t kiss because they wanted to show their love and affection for each other. It felt forced.
There were no loving words either. There was only silence. It was killing him.

The only mistake Harry made was to let it get this far. He didn’t realize what was happening at first, he assumed the honeymoon phase was over and all that lovey-dovey stuff would die down. He hated the thought of that but he thought it was normal in a long term relationship.
When he realized there were no loving gestures whatsoever he knew something different was going on. It was too late though. Y/N shut him out completely and he felt like he couldn’t get to her anymore. He didn’t feel her anymore.
Not even when they were sleeping in the same bed, under the same covers. He always used to hold her in any way, sometimes just her hand but often her whole body. He couldn’t reach her anymore.

Sometimes Harry thought it would be better if she just ended it. It was obvious she didn’t want this anymore, she didn’t act like they were together even though they used to be so in love. He always wondered why she was still here. Why she didn’t just pack her things and leave. Why was she still holding on?
But whenever these thoughts crossed his mind he felt a pang in his chest, a pain in his heart. He didn’t want her to leave. He loved her. Always. Forever.
That’s why he gave her time. Time for whatever she was going through. He gave her space. Even though he feared it would only push her away more.
But then came the point where Harry felt like he couldn’t do it anymore. You can only sacrifice your love for so long until the pain spreads from your heart through your whole body. He needed her. Needed her love. Her warmth. Her touch. Her kisses. Just her.

So during one evening he decided he had enough. He couldn’t hold it all back anymore. He knew that if he was without her touch for another second he would die inside.
When he slipped under the covers beside her he didn’t keep as much distance as he used to lately. He was close to her. For the first time in what seemed like forever. He wasn’t touching her though. But he could feel her warmth.
He saw her reaction. He saw how she flinched. How her fingers started to shake as she turned the page of her book. She was reading a romantic story. Ironic, Harry thought.
When her hand fell onto her stomach again Harry took a deep breath and reached out to take it. His fingers wrapped around hers, his thumb stroking over her knuckles once. Somehow it felt familiar. But also like it was the first time he’s ever held her hand.
Her head snapped in his direction, her eyes wide. They flickered from their joined hands to his face a few times until her lips parted.
“What are you doing?” she whispered, but the irritation was clear.
“I’m holding your hand.” Harry replied.
Her eyes flickered to their hands again.
“C-Can you please let go?” she asked after a moment.
Harry was sure his heart broke. He was sure she could hear it shattering. He diverted his eyes to the sheets underneath him, clearing his throat awkwardly. He didn’t let go though. He wouldn’t let her continue like this. She had to understand what she did to him.
“Why won’t you let me hold your hand?” he questioned.
He watched how she closed her eyes for a second before she opened them again, unshed tears making them look glassy now.
“Please, Harry.”
There’s been times she rarely called him Harry. Baby. Darling. Sweetheart. Love. Those were his names.
He looked straight into her eyes, his fingers squeezing hers. No. He wouldn’t let go.
He saw how she flinched again. How her eyes closed again and more tears rimmed her eyes.
His thumb stroked over her fingers again. Again and again. Just how he used to. Until he stopped. Until he felt his heart break again. His eyes snapped to her fingers. To one finger in particular. It was bare.
“Y-You took your ring off?”
He felt like someone punched him. Like someone was slowly cutting through his heart.
“H-Harry.”
That’s when the first tear hit the sheets.
“Why would you take off your ring?”
Y/N took her hand away from his, the disconnection sending chills through Harry’s body.
Her eyes were dancing all over the room but never landing on his. She did that on purpose.
“You don’t want to marry me anymore?”
That’s when she started full on crying.
“No! You don’t get to cry now. Just tell me what the fuck is going on lately!”
“N-Nothing.” she stuttered and turned her back to him.
“Nothing?! Are you fucking kidding me?! You pulled away from me completely. I can’t reach you anymore, not emotionally and god forbid physically. You act like we are not together. Like we don’t love each other.”
When he didn’t get a response other than her whimpers and sniffles he felt like he was being suffocated.
“We do love each other, right?” he asked in almost a whisper.
He felt his own tears sliding down his cheeks when again she didn’t say anything. He stood up then, running a hand through his hair and looking at her back, how her shoulders shook with silent sobs. He shook his head and made his way to the ensuite-bathroom.
“I do love you!” she cried out just before he reached the bathroom door.
Harry stopped dead in his tracks but didn’t turn around.
“I love you.” she whimpered again.
He turned around slowly and looked at her.
“You don’t act like you do.”
“I know I don’t. But I do.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You don’t have to, I guess.”
Harry’s eyes caught hers immediately.
“So that’s it? You won’t fight? What made you give up?”
“Harry.”
“No, I want to know. I want to know what the fuck happened that made you pull away from me. I want to know since when you feel like you can’t talk to me. I want to know when you lost the will to fight.”
He saw the hesitation in her eyes, the nervous fiddling with her fingers. But his intense stare made her open up.
“I never understood how you could love me.”
“What?”
Y/N took a deep breath before she went on.
“You’re this incredible man who’s always nice and well mannered and knows exactly what he wants. Whatever you do, it’s perfect. You’ve achieved everything in you life that you wanted. No matter what others say, you always keep going. You’re confident and strong. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. It wasn’t hard to fall in love with you, you knocked me off my feet within the first week of knowing you. When someone asked me what I love about you I could tell them billions of things. You always said you felt the same about me. I always thought you were insane. I was sure it was only the honeymoon phase which made you think you feel the same about me. When the sappiness and cheese died down a bit I got terrified. I thought that you would realize that you only imagined all those feelings. That you would realize I’m not as special as you originally thought. I’m a normal girl, I’m boring. I love to lay on the couch all day and watch movies and eat ice cream. I go out with my girlfriends and talk about boys. I can’t cook. I can’t dance. I can’t sing. I hate how I look in photos. I’m incredibly sarcastic. I’m shy. I get tired when I’m drunk. I-”
“Stop putting yourself down.” he interrupted her.
“It’s true, Harry. You’re everything I’m not. I never understood what you saw in me. I never understood what you could love about me. And when the honeymoon phase stopped I was so goddamn scared. I was sure that it was only a matter of time until you left. And because I was sure you would break my heart I tried to protect myself and pulled away a bit. And you did too, you didn’t try to reach out at first. And when you tried to, I thought it would be better to shake it off. And then you stopped trying, ever since then I was only waiting for you to call me out on my behavior. I know you’re going to leave now. And that’s okay, kind of expected it anyway.”
When she stopped talking Harry couldn’t do anything but stare at her. He didn’t understand it. Nothing of what she just said made any sense.
“You are absolutely insane.” he finally breathed out.
He sat down beside her and grabbed her hand again, this time she didn’t fight it.
“I don’t have any idea what the hell is going on in your head right now. I don’t know what the hell I did to make you feel that way.”
He shook his head and sighed.
“When I met you for the first time it felt like I breathed for the first time in my whole life. You looked at me and I knew my whole life just changed. When I got to know you I couldn’t believe how incredibly amazing you were. I still remember what my mum said after she met you: She’s a sunshine. And I said no. She’s the sun. My sun. You were the light in my life. You made me realize what the word ‘love’ means. I fell in love with you so goddamn fast and hard. I knew I wanted to marry you after a few months because I knew you were the one for me. I knew I would love you forever. And when you said yes when I asked you to marry me I was sure I was the happiest man to ever walk the earth. When you started to distance yourself from me I didn’t know what to do. I was scared what would happen so I gave you space but you pulled away from me more and more. And all that just because you thought I don’t love you?”
His eyes searched hers and they both saw the hurt in each others eyes.
“I love you. I love you with my whole heart. With everything I have. I love you with every fiber of my being. I proved it with the ring… but you took it off.” he finished with a whisper.
His thumb ran over her bare finger where the symbol of his love should be. Y/N lowered her head to look down at their hands and intertwined her fingers with his for the first time in three months.
“I had to get it resized.” she whispered.
“What?”
“I know we already got it resized but it was still a bit big so I decided to bring it to the store again. It’s ready tomorrow.”
“You didn’t take it off?”
“No. I would never take it off.”
Harry smiled softly at her and squeezed her hand.
“I’m quite stupid, aren’t I?” she said after a moment of silence.
Harry chuckled and shook his head a bit.
“Would you be mad if I said yes?”
She laughed softly and shook her head as well. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Harry leaned in and pressed his forehead against hers.
“I’m so goddamn sorry.” she whispered after a bit.
“Shh.”
“No. What I did was so unfair to you.”
She pulled back from him and looked at the ground.
“I hurt you for months. Three goddamn months in which I broke my own heart but more importantly yours. And all that just because I’m so incredibly insecure.”
“It’s not all your fault, love. I must have given you a reason to doubt my love for you.”
She looked at him again and sighed.
“But that’s exactly it, you didn’t. You never gave me a reason to doubt you.”
Harry lifted the hand that wasn’t holding hers to her cheek and stroked over her skin.
“It’s okay, my love. C'mere now.”
He opened his arms and signaled for her to sit down on his lap. She did, after a bit of awkward shuffling she positioned her knees on either side of his hips and sat down on his thighs. They haven’t been this close in so long. Harry wrapped his arms around her waist tightly and pulled her as close as possible. Y/N slung her arms around his neck and breathed in his smell. The smell she missed so much.

They both didn’t know how long they’ve been in this position before Y/N pulled back. Her hands were on his cheeks, cupping his face. She searched his eyes for a moment before she leaned in and pressed her lips to his in a soft and lingering kiss.
“I think… I have to get help.” she told him in a whisper when she pulled back.
Harry searched her eyes but didn’t say anything, he wanted her to go on before he said anything.
“I-I don’t know what’s happening with me and I don’t think I can do this alone.”
“You’re not alone, my love. I’m here.”
“I know you are, but… I think I have to get professional help. I don’t think that what I did was normal. I pushed you away. I distanced myself from the one person I love with my whole heart. I’m constantly sad. I can’t sleep properly. I don’t think that’s normal.” she shrugged softly.
“Okay. We’ll get you help. And I’ll be here through all of this, okay? I won’t leave. I’ll be right by your side and help you wherever I can.”
She leaned down to kiss him again, her lips pressing to his softly but with so much love.
“Thank you.”
“No problem, love. Made a promise to love you, didn’t I? Always and forever.”

I Choose You

Pairing: Daveed x Reader

Requested?: No, but I wrote this drabble on my old account and then Rosie said she was interested in knowing more so this came about!

Summary: Daveed can’t recall when his feelings shifted from platonic to romantic but now he has a crush on his best friend. She also has a boyfriend. Great.

Words: 2k+

A/N: I literally wrote this whole thing yesterday but I got the green light from Ale to post it now so…ENJOY! I hope you like it!

Tags: @hamiltonwrotetheother51 @thehamiltonpost @patron-saintof-sluts @butlinislin @daveeddiggsit @nadialinett14 @librarychild @spidey-boii @me-hoy-me-trash @serkewen12 @daveedish @anthonyramosobc @autistic-alien @runnerriley @hamilsquad-writings @thegirlonhamilton


Everyone wondered how you and Daveed never went through that “crushing on your best friend” phase. Daveed would just shrug and not ponder on it, when you have a friend for so many years you only see them as a friend. You two grew up together, went to school together, and now live together in an apartment. Then one day Daveed realized that he was a sucker for your smile. He’d occasionally go out of his way to buy you your favorite snacks when he noticed you were running low but isn’t that what best friends normally do? He ignored the feeling in his chest and kept it pushing. Then one day he walked into your shared apartment to find you making out with a guy on the couch. You introduced said guy as your boyfriend and Daveed instantly hated him. That was when he knew that the crush phase was here and it was hitting him hard. He had no real basis for his hatred of your boyfriend except the fact that he was your boyfriend. He wasn’t an ugly guy; he was tall, suave and 100% your type. He never had an issue with any of your past partners so this sudden change threw him for a loop.

“Get it together, D.” Daveed rubbed his eyes, sitting up slowly in his bed.

His sheets pooled at his hips as he stretched, a few bones cracking in the process. He slowly stood up, scratching at his bare stomach as he left the room. He heard the TV down the hall and followed the noise. He found you sitting on the couch, flipping through channels as you ate a bagel.

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The one where you know what you want.

Finally, the fifth addition to the Divorce Series AU. I was inspired by two books written by Colleen Hoover, ‘November 9 and Hopeless’, I highly recommend giving it a read. They are amazing.  Let me know in my ask box if you guys are enjoyed this part. ENJOY! :)

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krist-inmybutthole  asked:

jealousy tag update please ? preferably derek being jealous :) love you guys !!

coming right up

Approximation by inatshej (1/1 | 6,638 | NC17)

Derek’s type is a self-confident, blonde girl. Her grin is almost dangerous, her laugh’s loud, and she may seem arrogant – but if anyone has a reason to be arrogant, it’s her.
Stiles’ type is a genius, strawberry blonde girl. She looks perfect no matter the time of a day, her taste’s impeccable, she’s popular as well as respected – but taken.
They turn to each other, struggling with the choices and people around them.

Cold water by TrekVanci (1/? | 1,957 | G)

stiles isolated himself from the pack a year of the kanima attack after years of depression and being alone,
he learnt magic and was ready to leave the shit hole called Beacon Hills and become a powerful mage but then
the sheriff dies.

How will stiles cope with his father’s death and his mixed varies emotions towards Derek and his friends?

Salmagundi by inatshej (3/3 | 10,054 | NC17)

Stiles’ life is not just a mess anymore, it’s a fucking salmagundi. Derek flirting with Kate, Stiles’ heat, the confusing bite – none of it makes sense jumbled together.

Highschool Drama, Dresses and Mates by Chloe198403 (3/? | 7,238 | G)

Having a mate is meant to be the best thing in the world. It should be easy and fun, normally it’s a turning point in someones life; then again I’ve never been normal. Nothing has ever come easy and right now I really wish my mum was here to help me. I wish Jackson wasnt being such an idiot but what I want most, is for the universe to stop hating me and just make things easy agian…

Table 4 2 by midnightcas (1/1 | 3,776 | R)

Scott asks Stiles for a favor. One that involves him entertaining his boss on a double date with he and Allison. But then things go south, because things always go south…way south.
.
.
.
“You were encouraging me to do it two minutes ago and now…”
“And now what?”
“And now you’re just being a dick!”

Man Bun by panicatmydisco (1/1 | 1,927 | PG13)

Stiles gets hit on by some guy with a man bun. Then everything goes to shit, but hey, at least Derek is around.

Life is Strange: Before the Storm (Episode 1)

I’ve spent so much time discussing this prequel over the past few months, it’s a bit tricky to try and sum up things into something readable. As lengthy as this post is, there’s plenty of details I have to let go of. I’d like to lay out my biggest pros, cons, and a bit of commentary on how I feel about its very conception and potential intent, along with some casual predictions.

I was very critical of this project from the moment it was leaked, but I quickly grew to support Deck Nine, the studio developing the game, because it was easy to see how passionate and thoughtful they were being. Makes sense, right? The sort of dev team who would want to take on a Life is Strange story would probably be the sort to be mindful of just how delicate such an undertaking is. Square-Enix, however, gradually frustrated me more and more, and their choices and actions with this entire project kept me on my guard all summer. With the first episode released, I can confirm my feelings about both companies’ involvement haven’t changed – I’m still very supportive of Deck Nine, and I’m still rather frustrated and confused with Square-Enix.

This first episode helped prove to me to that the developer definitely does have their heart in the right place, and has the ability to realize the same kind of potential one might expect from a follow up to such a special game. I have my concerns, but to be honest, most of them have arisen from Square-Enix’s questionable setup to this project and the premise of the game itself bothering me on a core level.

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Outlander 3x05: BEST 🤶🏻 CHRISTMAS 🤶🏻 EVER 🤶🏻

HOLY MOTHER OF DIVINE STANDING STONES I CANNOT WITH THIS EPSIODE I HAVE 2x13 LEVEL FEELS HERE PEOPLE.


1. BEST TITLE CARD EVER!!!

2. Claire loves Christmas! Look at that house? Holly has thrown up in it. My heart is very big right now.

3. I’m so excited I can’t quite remember the sequence of the scenes. OKAY FOCUS, KEAN, FOCUS.

4. Can I say that I really loved Brianna in this episode? Just like REALLY loved her. The show, finally, gave her some depth that the character has never been extended, in print or on screen.

5. The part where she came into an empty house and went through Frank’s things, my heart ACHED for her. I just got it, what it was she was feeling. Her whole life was upended, nothing made sense and she wanted the surety of her life before Scotland. When she had a mother and father and studied history and she could trust all of that as truth. Her need for certainty was so understandable and so relatable. I get why history was a minefield for her now. I get why engineering offered solace. Before this ep I had only been told it, never shown it. GOOD WORK SHOW.

6. Can Toni Graphia make me a playlist right now? Another excellent choice of song for Roger arriving in the taxi.

7. Can we also talk about Brianna’s IS-THIS-HOW-YOU-SCOTTISH? outfits. The moss green top / pea green pants ensemble was especially I AM GAELIC HEAR ME ROAR.

8. When Roger shows her the pamphlet I thought I had died and ascended to heaven but then her panicked, crumpled face? CAITRIONA BEAUCHAMP!

9. Fuckit im not even going to bother to fix that because THE COMBINATION OF THOSE NAMES IS JUST HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW. AND ROGER BEING ALL “How can I help?” My heart has grown a bulge in it.

10. Claire’s surgery. She’s a maverick, being all mavericky. Stand aside men. Neigh a liver will be safe.

11. I would like to formally submit an application to be Joe’s new best friend now that Claire has vacated the century.

12. I’m finding it very hard to not hear John Travolta sing “Oh SANDY” every time she appears in screen.

13. Gotta say, I kinda liked what she said to Claire, too. Because from her perspective, that is how it happened. And whether it is exactly how everything went down or not, the crux of it is true. The three of them trapped together, making shitty decisions, separated from the love of their lives. That is tragic.

14. There isn’t a second of screen time that Claire and Bree share that I do not love and adore. Bree assuring her mother, giving courage to her mother. Ugh. UGH. I just really appreciate when people love and support Claire Beauchamp, okay?

15. The Christmas scene and the gift giving? BE STILL MY CHRISTMAS STAN HEART.

16. I HAD NOT LIVED UNTIL I HAD WITNESSED A SCENE OF CLAIRE BEAUCHAMP SEWING HER OWN CLOTHES WITH THE BATMAN THEME IN THE BACKGROUND.

17. THE BATSUIT

18. I don’t want to start a panic but I’m low-key worried we won’t get pictures. PLEASE LET THIS BE UNFOUNDED NONSENSE.

19. I am FURIOUS, FURIOUS that I never connected the scene with Claire jumping into the puddle with the prologue of the book. What kind of dumb dumb am I?

20. WHEN SHE HEARD HIS VOICE.

21. WHEN HE HEARD HER VOICE.

22. The way he freezes but only when she says her name does he very, very slowly turn around and he will barely even open his eyes and when he does he smiles AND THEN faints.

23. Meanwhile Claire is like Jamie! …. oh shit I’ve killed him! ABORT ABORT!

24. HOW DARE THEY MAKE US WAIT TWO WEEKS.

In closing:

Originally posted by iamchloejean

Dialogue Prompts

1) “Can’t you at least try?” “I am trying! I am trying so damn hard can’t you see it? Can’t you see that this is killing me too?” 

2) “I’m sorry … I should’ve said something.” 

3) “I can’t do this anymore.” 

4) “Oh love, I know it doesn’t seem like it now but it’s all going to be okay.” 

5) “What will it take to get you to believe me?” 

6) “Close your eyes, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” 

7) “I just wanted to fix it …” “Well you didn’t really do that, now did you?” 

8) “I didn’t want to hurt you.” 

9) “Do you always have to work late?” “The world of ghost hunting waits for no man!” 

10) “Listen, this is all going to sound very crazy and none of it is going to make sense but this is a matter of life and death, I need all the fiberglass cables you have right now!” “Are you the high school drama teacher?” “I was but I got fired, I really can’t explain, this is seriously a matter of life or death!” 

11) “Do you know how to dance?” “No …” “Come here, I’ll teach you. Nothing like dancing well the world is ending.” 

12) “What’s with you and fire?” “My family all perished in a fire when I was young. I was the only survivor.” “Whoa, seriously?” “No, I just don’t fucking like it, Bob.” 

13) “Don’t listen to them.” “That’s easy to say when you aren’t the one they’re yelling at.” 

14) “I need your help with something.” “On a scale of jay walking to murder how illegal is it?” “Ummm … where does flooding a senators house fall?” “Say no more, I’m in.” 

15) “I didn’t want it to be like this …” “Then why did you do it?” “I was angry.” 

16) “It’s just a school dance.” “And outer space is just a deep dark void of unknown.” “How is that relevant?” “Weren’t we talking about spaceships?” “Like four hours ago?” “Shit, I think I accidentally time traveled again.” 

17) “What circle of hell did I just walk into?” 

18) “Mom? I made a mistake, I need help …” 

19) “You should’ve called me.” “I thought you were still mad at me.” “I am! But you almost died. Almost dying tops missing a date. I’ll be mad at you later, but right now I’m here.” 

20) “Don’t ever let anyone take away your smile. That means they win.” 

Trust Your Gut

Request: “lol i know i’ve already asked for a #27 but can i get one with taehyung bc i need that shit in my life im clucky as fuck right now lmao”

A/N: yes girl I need that shit in my life tooooo i’m a hoe for anything tae related, he is everything (hence my username lol)

Pairing: Reader x Taehyung 

Prompt: (Drabble Game 1) #27 “I’m pregnant.”

Synopsis: Taehyung likes to make it known that he is usually always right…about absolutely nothing. So when he starts saying you’re pregnant, why would you believe him? He’s often wrong, so there’s no way you could be pregnant..right?

Word Count: 550

Warnings/Genre: Idol AU, fluff, pg-17 (mentions of sex but no smut? does that make sense??) 

Originally posted by bwisou

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Why Me? (Saeran/MC)

He stood still while staring at her, who was standing in front of him. The snow fell down in between them from the night sky. His mint green eyes widened under his frown. A cloud of air smoke was made everytime he breathed.

“Why?”

His voice raised. Breaking through the quiet, chilly night.

“Why me?”

She stared at him. He looked like he was told that his brother had just abandoned him… again. But that was not the case. That was never the case. It was something else. Something that made her take a step closer to him.

“Because you deserve it.”

She took another step on top of piling snow on the ground. Her eyes never left his. He looked even more nervous than before.

“What are you… what are you talking about? Are you crazy? Are you making fun of me?”

She took another step. And another. And another. And another. Until there was barely any distance between them.

“How… how dare you! My situation, my life, myself… they had never been funny to begin with!”

She challenged him with her stare. “Who says that I’m making fun of you? Do you see me laughing?”

He said nothing for a while. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, she was right. How did he come up with that accusation of her? Now that he thought about it, he made no sense whatsoever. But still…

“I… I don’t get it… why me?”

“Well, why not?”

His eyes widened. He couldn’t believe his ears. He hoped that somehow, a giant snowflake had entered his ears, disrupting his hearing, dispersing her words. Because there was no way that she really said what he thought she had said.

“…You’re sick. You’re insane. It’s not me all this time. It’s you.”

“You can call me whatever you want. But I’ll stick to my words.”

He looked away. He couldn’t stare at her any longer. Otherwise he would crumble. He gazed at the snow on his sneakers. So white, so pure, so clean. How he wished he was like that, too. So that he didn’t have to deal with what he was dealing with at the moment.

“You know damn well what happened. I was a horrible person right from the start,” he put his hands inside the pockets of his jeans. “If you still care about your own existence, I should be the last person you said those words to.”

She crossed her arms. “Didn’t you hear? I’ll stick to my words. And by words I mean feelings.”

He stared at her again. His green eyes flashed. “What the hell is wrong with you? I had almost killed you! I could have blown the place where you’ve stayed!” He screamed.

She still stared at him. Unaffected.

“If it wasn’t for Saeyoung and all of RFA, you… you would have died in my hands! Not only that! You… you have no idea how I had always wanted to kidnap and torture you for my own advantage! You… you’re nothing but a worthless piece of bait for me!”

Silence. He tried to catch his breath, recovering himself from his anger. While she just watched him going through that process.

“You’re done?”

“W… what?”

“I guess it’s my turn now.” She took a deep breath, and looked deep into his mint eyes. “You’re right. I know damn well what happened. From the beginning until this very second… I know what happened.”

His frown deepened.

“But being here knowing everything, being your worthless piece of bait makes me realize something. That all the things you’ve said just before… none of that had been done by you.”

His eyes widened.

“That’s not you. That’s just what another person wants you to be.”

His breaths became slower.

“It is ironic, I know. But the more I know you, more time I spend with you, and the longer I’m watching you… the more I realize that you hadn’t been yourself in your past.”

Her gaze softened. “Stop thinking that you’re the same bad guy that blows up people’s place. That’s not you. That’s not the real you. You are forced to be that evil guy.”

He looked down to the ground. “How… how can you be so sure about that?”

She smiled. “Well, it’s been almost a year since you joined RFA but I’m still here. Alive and well, standing in front of you.” She said. “You had your chances to hurt me, abuse me, torture me, kill me… but you never did any of those things. Why? If you’re such a bad guy, why do you let me live?”

He said nothing. Because he wasn’t sure about it. He wasn’t even sure about himself either. She was right. Why? Why didn’t he take away her life? If he did, she would not have been able to disturb him like she did now.

He could have made her suffer until her last breath. But he didn’t. Why? She was just a worthless piece of bait for him anyway…

Or was she?

“Jumin Han can get you everything you want with his wealth. He’ll treat you like a princess,” he said after a few seconds. He still looked down at the ground. “Hyun can give you all the love you want. Yoosung is a very nice person. Why not them? Or anyone else? Why me? What do you expect from me?”

She sighed, but with a smile. “If you think that it only takes either money or kindness to care about someone, you’re wrong. But I understand. Since you still have a lot to learn about this world.” She said. “I do not expect anything from you. You don’t have to do anything for me.”

He lifted his head, but he still couldn’t stare at her. “Stop it. You know you’re better than that.” He sneered at her. “Why the hell would you give your feelings for someone who’s just as broken and damaged as a shattered mirror like me?”

She took one step closer towards him. Until she could feel his breath. “Just because something is broken and or damaged, does not mean it can’t be repaired. That something… it was beautiful once.” Her voice deepened. “I believe in you. I know that deep inside, you have a wonderful heart.”

He finally, stared at her. “Unbelievable.”

They stared at each other for some time. More snow fell down, and wind blew. The sky went darker and it only got quieter. Cold. “I dare you. I dare you to kill me right here, right now. If you don’t want to accept me, just kill me.” She said, kind of like an ultimatum. “Show me. Show me that I’m wrong. Show me that I should leave you alone. Show me your true self.”

His eyes darkened. There was it. His one good chance to wipe her off the world. Great. He didn’t have to deal with her and her stupid train of thoughts anymore. Excellent. That realization made him giddy with excitement.

Shortly after, his hands were on her neck. He began strangling her. His grip became stronger and stronger until she found herself struggling to breathe. But she didn’t stop him. Instead, she smiled. He was strangling her but she smiled. Just how moronic could she be?

“Your… your hands…” she whispered. “Your hands… are… cold…”

With the last bits of power that was still left in her, she moved her hands on top of his. She held his hands–hands that were strangling her–very weakly. She didn’t held him to stop him. She held him to warm him up under the vicious cold weather. At least she tried to.

Then suddenly, it hit him. His eyes widened, and he stopped gripping her neck altogether. She breathed a sigh of relief. His hands were still there on her neck, with her hands holding his. He stared at her, who was looking at the ground while catching her breath.

He had almost done it. He had almost ended her life. He had almost killed someone, a woman, with his own hands. The only thing that stood between her and her death was his mind. He changed it in last seconds. He decided to keep her alive.

Why?

“I know it… I’m right…” she said. Then she stared at his mint green eyes. “You are never a bad person. No matter how much you want to be a bad person, no matter how much you believe yourself to be a bad person, you are not.”

His gaze softened. It all changed now. His brain had flipped a hundred and eighty degrees. It happened within seconds. He was beyond confused. How? Why? He didn’t understand what happen with himself.

Was there a chance that he might change his mind again?

He observed what was served in front of him. His hands on her neck while she was holding onto them… why did he find it… soothing? It actually made him feel better, for some reason he couldn’t explain. Even better than if those hands of his were squeezing her neck. Much better.

He didn’t want the moment to stop. His hands felt warm because of her. That warmth spread all over his body. More snow fell down. He didn’t care. If the snow was the reason for her to keep him warm, then the sky shall bring all the snow down.

What was this strange feeling inside of him? He said nothing but he asked himself so many questions in his head. Maybe the answer was already there in front of him from the start. He just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

He wasn’t done questioning everything when she suddenly hugged him in a blink of an eye. He was taken aback at first. He was flustered, confused, surprised, everything he could think of.

He felt everything but hatred, disgust, basically any negativity. It was strange because usually, negativity was the first thing that came to his mind everytime he woke up.

“You’re so warm… just like I thought you were…” she said softly. She closed her eyes as she leaned her head on his chest. “I can feel it… I can hear it… your heart… your heart that is beating…”

He stopped breathing for some moment. He did not return her hug, but he also didn’t want her to let go of him. He wouldn’t say he liked it, he just felt better because of it. Like a part of his pain had been lifted off his chest.

“I know it… I’ve always known you have a kind and beautiful heart. I’ve always known you are a warm person on the inside. All this time it’s just a feeling, but now… I can say that for sure.” She said as she breathed. “I see it with my own eyes, hear it with my own ears, and feel it with my own soul.”

Again, he said nothing. And did nothing. But he didn’t feel nothing. He felt something. Something that reminded him of his happy times in his youth. Times that weren’t so many.

She looked up to him, and he knew it. He gave in. He looked down to her. Their eyes met. She could have sworn that she had never seen eyes so calm, and a gaze so soft. Shortly after that, their lips met.

He was surely had never been kissed before. She knew it. But she wouldn’t complain. His lips were soft, moist, and… warm. She hoped that their warm kiss had the ability to melt his ice cold thoughts about himself aside from keeping themselves warm under the freezing weather.

The kiss lasted for five seconds, but it felt like eternity. Once again they stared at each other right after she pulled away. Under the falling snow, they found a fireplace in each other.

She smiled. “I… love you…”

♢♢♢

“I love you.”

“Why? Why me?”

“Because you deserve it. You deserve to be loved. You deserve each and every love in this world.”

“I don’t get it… why?”

“You’re a good person and you know it. I care about you and I will save you. I will be your true savior, bringing you back to who you are.”

“…”

“I love you.”


The End

P.S: Another Saeran fan fiction! Yay! Comments are appreciated~!

2

I guess I’ve been throwing awkward jokes recently *cries

the first picture supposed to be 19 days’ mock BTS from last the previous chapter (not the latest) and the second picture was a good-for-nothing awkward jokes hahah -_- sorry

oh right, please be careful with internet now! you guys heard about the hacking by WannaCry (cmiiw) no? my friend’s friend just got his laptop infected with that! every file turns to “(original file name).php.wncry” god it was a mess :(

The Secret

dating werewolf!ashton

AN: this is au and ashton is older in it, but with his longer hair. 

You’d been seeing Ashton for many months and you’d noticed a pattern. He wouldn’t talk to you for a few days of each month. You’d grown tired of his distantness and figured it was him trying not to get too involved in whatever it was you two had. For someone like you, independent, happy, charismatic, and confident, you knew one boy wouldn’t break you, and you also knew you didn’t need to wait around on one boy when you were looking for a man.


You called him on the third day of silence but got no answer. You reluctantly left a voicemail. 


“Hey, Ashton, it’s me. I don’t really want to do this this way, but you’ve kind of left me no choice. I’m 26 now and I thought when I dated a 28 year old, they’d be ready for commitment. I’m not looking for someone to play games with, I’m looking for someone who can commit. That doesn’t seem to be you, so I’m not interested in this anymore. I’m sorry…” 


You set your phone down, looking out your bedroom window. It was October and nearing 50 degrees outside. There was tons of leaves in your backyard and you’d meant to pick them up sooner, but your work schedule had gotten in the way. You liked the sound of them being blown around at night anyway, the soft tinkling was soothing.


You turned off your lamp and laid down, adjusting your pillow. With a sigh, you closed your eyes and let the sound of the early fall winds lull you to sleep.


You didn’t know this, but Ashton saw your call, and let it go to voicemail. His phone lit up, casting light into the dark room he’d been in since that morning. A full moon had just passed and Ashton had a routine for these moments. He’d usually set aside three days to deal with it. On the night of the full moon, he’d be prepared to change, but it was exhausting. The day before was spent with cracking joints and aching bones as his body changed to accommodate a different species. the day after wasn’t the most pleasant either, but he dealt with it, vowing now to talk to you or anyone else who didn’t know about it on those days. his nerves were always a little aggravated around those times. 

It was nearing 10:30 and he decided if he waited much longer to call you back, he’d lose you for good. But then again, he didn’t want to just  call you. Achy body and all, he crawled from his heap of blankets in his bed and made his way to his car, hoping to get to your house before you were asleep. He’d wake you up to say what he wanted to say, but he didn’t want to disrupt you anymore than he already had. 

Fifteen minutes later, you were half asleep when you heard a car pull up outside your house through the open windows. You thought it would eventually  leave, nothing to worry about, maybe they were using your driveway to turn the other direction. The engine cut off and you figured someone across the street had a guest over or something like that. It didn’t strike you as odd. The crunchy leaves you grew to love so much were disturbed as someone walked through them. The crunches didn’t get softer as you would expect, but louder, like the person was coming towards your house.

You sat up, looking at the clock on your bedside table.  10:46 pm stared back at you menacingly. You sighed, pushing back the covers and quietly moving into the living room. You were thankful you’d shut your blinds before going to bed as you moved towards the front door. Just as you were putting your eye up to the peep hole your door bell rang. Your heart jumped into your throat and sped up at the same time and you clutched your chest, breathing heavily. You finally looked through the peep hole and sighed a sigh of relief, yet contempt when you saw it was Ashton. It wasn’t a murderer but you weren’t the happiest with him at the moment. 

Reluctantly you unlocked your door and pulled it ajar, not all the way. You stood with it covering half of your body, leaning against it and staring at him. Ashton looked up from his feet and gave you a sheepish yet sweet smile. Your heart was already melting at how innocent he looked. “Y/n, good, you’re awake.” You didn’t mention that you’d almost been asleep before he arrived. 

“What do you want, Ashton? You fall off the face of the Earth for three days and when I say I’m done, that’s when you decide to show up?” He stepped forward, a pleading look coming into his eyes as his eyebrows furrowed in panic. 

“Y/n, no! It’s not at all what you think. I am so ready for a commitment, you can’t even begin to imagine. I’ve been looking for the right person for so long, it’s just…” He trailed off, looking like he wanted to say so much more but he was at a loss for words. 

“It’s just…what?” You looked at him, examining his features. He was caught in the middle of something that was tearing him up inside, but what? 

“Y/n, you’re going to think I’m crazy-” With a raise of your eyebrows you began to shut the door. 

“Ok, goodni-” 

“Wait!” He set his foot in-between the door and the door frame, preventing you from shutting it. You sighed. 

“Ashton, I really don’t want to listen to you make up excuses” You began as you opened the door, trying to get him to move his foot, before looking up at him, “all night-” He cut you off with a sweet kiss, pressing softly but firmly against your lips. His hands set on your waist, gently pulling you closer to his warm body. He kissed you three times before pulling away. 

“Y/n, I love you.” The familiar yet unfamiliar words slipped from his lips like butter. It was like he was so comfortable with the idea of it all that it didn’t make him nervous to say it. “Don’t say anything, let me say what I have to say and then I’ll go if you want.” He said as he saw you open your mouth to speak. He retracted his hands from your waist and stepped back, giving you space. 

“My life is quite…unusual.” He began. The soft blue glow of the moon cast shadows across his face, carving his already visible cheek bones deeper and enhancing his jawline. His curly hair was unruly and the moon shone right through it, showing off his natural highlights. “I’ve been looking for the right person to finally share my life with, someone who would understand me and take me for what I am and love me with my flaws.” It didn’t make sense that he thought you wouldn’t love him for his flaws. You were both adults here, capable of grown up feelings and ideas. Why would something as little as imperfections be the issue here? 

“And I had to be sure it was you before I sprung this on you. There’s a good reason I disappear for those three days each month. I know it seems like nothing could make sense right now, and when I tell you the reason, you’ll probably think I’m insane. It doesn’t make sense,” He paused, looking at you with careful eyes. “In the human world.” Your eyes widened on instinct and he rushed to explain. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Y/n, can I come in?” He asked, noticing your hesitance. You nodded after a few moments and stepped aside. He thanked you as he passed by and turned. You faced him, closing the front door and leaning against it. You weren’t scared. You’d know him for nearly a year and had been seeing him for half that time. You knew he wouldn’t hurt you, but what would make him seem insane? 

“Okay, this is going to be odd, I know it’ll sound crazy-” 

“Just tell me already, Ashton.” You were sick of hearing how crazy it would sound and not hearing it.

“Okay,” He took a deep breath and looked at you. “Every month, I disappear for three days around the full moon.” He paused briefly expecting you to connect the dots, but something as unbelievable as him saying he was a werewolf never even crossed your mind. 

“And?” He reluctantly continued. 

“It’s when I’m my strongest. It’s when my…pack, is strongest.” He watched your face, watched as you bit your lip in concentration. That was one of his favorite things about you. “It doesn’t have to be a full moon for me to, change,” He was talking like he was walking through a mine field, and in a way, he was. You were slowly coming about to what he was saying. “But on the full moon, my pack and I go out and hunt together. It’s like, the most critical time to bond.” He paused, searching for something in your face, but got nothing. After a few moments of silence he said, “Y/n, please say something.” 

“What do you want me to say? My boyfriend who I thought was my ex boyfriend, is suggesting that he’s a, a, I don’t know! A werewolf?” Ashton grimaced at the urgency in your voice. 

“I said it would sound crazy, Y/n.” When he confirmed that’s what he was saying you were done. You stepped aside and set your hand on the door knob. Ashton slipped his shoes off.  

“Okay, you need to leave.” You turned to pull the door open and immediately whipped back around when you heard sharp cracks and heavy breathing coming from him. You watched in horror as his body contorted, watched the bones moving under his skin, his skin that was suddenly thick with hair that turned to a luscious coat of fur. Your mouth fell open and you screamed as a full-sized wolf formed before you. 

At the sound of whimpers and the wolf’s head bowing, you realized, with a start, that it was Ashton and he was not going to kill you. You were panting as you slid to the bottom of the door, leaning your back against it. Tears came flooding from your eyes as sobs racked your body. You brought your knees to your chest and wrapped your arms around your legs, praying this nightmare would end soon. 

Something soft and wet touched your arm and you flinched, bringing your head out of your cocoon to look up. Bright orange eyes stared back at you, so large you could see your reflection in them. The softness in his eyes calmed you down, and your heartbeat slowed. However, when sounds of cracking bones came back and he closed his eyes in pain, you panicked. In less than ten seconds, Ashton was sitting in a heap on the floor, butt-naked and breathing heavily. “Ash,” You whispered. 

He slowly lifted his head to look at you. His face was that of someone in extreme pain and you were quick to react. Moving on from the insane event that just took place, you wiped the tears that were trickling from his eyes away. “Shh,” You whispered as you pulled him into your arms, carefully hugging him. “It’s okay. I don’t think you’re crazy. I know now. It’s okay.” His body was tense against yours as he breathed raggedly. 

“I’m sorry,” His voice was soft and broken, “that I didn’t tell you sooner,” 

“No, Ash, don’t even say that. I get why you wouldn’t tell me.” You giggled softly. He sighed in relief. 

“Around the full moon, my body changes without me wanting it to. It’s painful and nasty. Any other time I can control it and do it when I want, where I want, but around the full moon, it just happens. So I stay home and I don’t talk to anyone because I’m moody.” 

“I would be moody, too. Don’t worry.” You ran your fingers through his hair, slightly rocking him back and forth. “Do you want some clothes?” You looked up to the tattered mess on the floor where he’d been previously standing. “Yours are definitely ruined.” He sniffled in response as he breathed in deeply. 

“Yes, please, if you even have anything that’ll fit me.” You laughed, absentmindedly rubbing your hand up and down his arm. 

“I may or may not have stolen some clothes from you that one time I stayed the night.” He laughed, looking up at you through watery eyes. 

“Thank god, you did.” He gave you a weak smile. 

A little while later he was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, going commando. You gave him a glass of water and he drank it all within seconds. “Whoa,” You said, laughing slightly. “Thirsty?” You took the empty glass from his hand and went to fill it back up. 

“You have no idea.” He mumbled. 

The covers were already pulled back when you went to your room. “Ah, so you were sleeping?” He questioned. “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” You smiled softly at him and watched as he grimaced sitting down. The friendly clock on your bedside table told you it was currently 11:36 pm. Ashton settled into your bed, his back against the  head board. “Not sleeping?” He shook his head.

“I couldn’t with this pain.” He explained. 

“Do you want an aspirin?” He shook his head. 

“Wouldn’t help.” You nodded, smiling sympathetically at him. You pulled back the covers where they previously weren’t unfurled, and sat down, scooting closer to him. You laid your head down on the pillow, careful not to put weight on him. You intertwined your fingers with his that were resting on his lap. You brought his hand to your lips and kissed the back of it. 

Silence drifted in from the open window, cool air caressing his aching muscles. He let his head fall back and his eyes close. The feeling in the room was pleasant as you held his hand in yours, slowly drifting, drifting, drifting, 

“Ashton?” You asked after a few minutes passed, your eyes shut. 

“Hm?” He hummed in response. 

“I love you, too.” You said with a smile you couldn’t control. His face lit up. 

“Thank God.” 

I'm holding on

It’s tough right now
And everything’s a mess
But I’m holding on

There’s friends I’ve lost
Family I want to lose
And nothing makes sense anymore
But I’m holding on

My head is exploding
And my heart hurts
I never asked for easy
I don’t expect it
That’s life you said
So I continue holding on

You try and try
Doing your best to make me cry
With every blow you want to see me fall
Look at me I’m still standing tall

I’ve known sadness since the day I was born
So don’t you tell me to stop holding on

Mother's Day

I didn’t even visit your grave.
I told myself,
“You pussed out on that pain”
“You know which one”
Searching
For that little marker with her name
Finding
Cold dirt, in place of her smiling face
And when that reality hits!
Bricks! To cheek, brow, and lip
Your psyche bruised on impact
Of the Revelation
She’s really gone….

..

Damn.

Realization is like losing you all over again.
I always make pretend when my mind drifts
You faked it all and moved to Cuba.
Paris, Venice, Bermuda.
Even Berlin. I recall tales of my mom, the army brat
Living in Deutschland. But not long enough to master German.
So these fantasies make sense…
Right?

It’s just a way to cope. How I learned to revive hope.
I have to put this all in scope
Who wants to spend Mother’s Day without a Mother?
After 20 odd years of Father’s Day without a Father
It’s odd the Patriachs abscence bothers little unlike that of the Matriarch.
I recall nothing but happiness in my Fatherless childhood. I had my mama and Grandma.
I had women in my life who surpassed stereotypes of broken homes to make a man
And now both those Angels lay beneath the feet that I stand on…
Damn.

This hurt is everyday. This hurt is memories.
Your love sings from the past - A haunting symphony
I simply can’t escape the way
I miss the bliss of distance
From the Reaper, whose persistence will best us all one day.
Seeing it is knowing. Flower throwing at the casket lowering.
The gift of a last look before it’s closing.
“Good-Bye.”
As if I truly got the chance to say it.
This closure is false.
They murder your wallet to do things right and send them off well.
Fallacies come at too high a cost. Anger swells at the thought.
Gone is Gone.

There’s no true ending to this. Just me here yearning to hear a voice I never will again.
My mom was more than protector and nurturer
She was my best friend.
In her absence, I swear, it’s like no one understands
I know she would. I saw her battle the same depression when Her Mother passed.
Both deaths so sudden. My mother was neglected the chance to say farewells as well.
She couldn’t beseech that last bit of guidance
That void birthed uncertainty in herself.
I lived the same. I can tell.
It’s in my brain. It’s in my DNA.
We pass down sorrow.
Heriditary predisposition
It’s our human condition.
To live finite lives. Behaving in an ‘infinite’ way
Taking for granted our tommorows
And dwelling on our yesterdays.

Straight friends

When your straight friends don’t understand the struggle of having to turn any “platonic” female friendship on television into a ship that you will gladly sail on until the boat sinks. Example of conversations I have on the daily with my friends.

Watching Riverdale

Me: Holy shit did you see the moon eyes Ronnie just gave Betty.

Them: She literally just looked at her.

Me: It’s not my fault you don’t see their chemistry.

Later scene:

Me: OMFG kill me now I think I just died and went to heaven did you see that kiss that was like explosive that shit was off the charts, you know have to admit that they are like in love.

Them: It was a kiss nothing more and Ronnie just did it for attention.

Me: we can no longer be friends if you refuse to admit they belong together

Even later scene

(Ronnie and Archie kiss)

Them: (turns to me with smug look on their face)

Me: Don’t even look at me right now your refusal to admit their chemistry did this.

Them: What that doesn’t even make any sense they wrote and shot this way before we watched it.

Me: shut up I don’t want it hear it, you ruined the one good thing I had going for me in my life.

[this is literally just a peek into the conversations we have about every w/w relationship on tv that I watch]

Fire Away

(A/N: This was just a quick thing I put together after hearing Fire Away from the Flicker Sessions.)

She and I have been together for a little over 2 years and we are very in tune with each other. I sure as hell can’t hide anything from her, I hope she feels the same way. I get concerned sometimes, with how great she is at being okay. I never want her to be just okay. She deserves the world because she has made mine seem like a lifetime in nearly the 2 years we’ve been together. I honestly do not what I would do without her. She is the reason I do everything. I want to tour and perform as often as I can right now so when we decide to settle down, get married, and start a family I can be home to watch them grow up. I don’t plan on missing out on that, my life seems empty if it doesn’t include a family with her down the line. I’ve earned enough money for the rest of our lives one hundred times over. I can set up trusts for our kids, everything will be sorted so we can just enjoy spending the rest of our lives together. Nothing would make me happier. I was lost in my own mind full of dreams that I almost didn’t hear her come into the room. She dropped a bag on the ground, pulling me from my trance. I looked into her eyes and it was almost as if she was falling apart before my eyes. Her bright blue eyes were gloomy and glazed over, lacking their usual cheeriness. I reached for her hand, only for her to cast her head down and drop her hands from my grasp. At this point I was desperate for anything. I needed to hear her voice.

“My love, what’s the matter?” I prodded gently, hopefully chipping away at her silent and reserved demeanor. She sniffled and delicately caught a tear that was falling from her ocean-like eyes that lacked a certain depth they usually held.

“I’m fine.” She replied, plastering the most fake smile I’d ever seen, across her face.

“No you aren’t. Just let me in. Tell me how I can fix it. Please.” I pleaded, wrapping my arms around her waist. As soon as I pulled her into me, the barrier broke and tears raced down her rosy cheeks and onto my grey t-shirt, making themselves known against the light fabric.

“There’s nothing to fix. I’ll be fine.” She sniffled out, her arms reaching up to rest on my shoulders. This happened every once in a while. I knew it probably had nothing directly to do with me, but I felt so torn apart seeing her like this. I never knew how to help her. She was so close to me at this moment, but I’d honestly never felt further from her. I always thought I’d finally broke through a wall only to come to a larger one that was impossibly high.

“You know, this doesn’t scare me. I know something is wrong. I can’t make you tell me anything, darling, but I can take it, let me help you. Just tell me.” I whispered into her ear, gently swaying with her at this point, even though there was so music playing, it felt like something that would calm her a bit. It was silent for a few minutes before she finally spoke.

“Ni, I’m sorry. I just have never felt more lost in my life than I do now. You can’t help me with this. I have to do this myself.” She choked out, her breathing finally slowing down, the tears finally settling and drying onto her cheeks.

“None of this scares me. We all get lost every now and again. I will be right by your side lost or found. You never have to do anything by yourself, we have each other. You’re always there for me, let me do this for you. I know you’re confused and you might feel like nothing makes any sense and that I have no idea what the hell you’re going through…and you’re probably right about all of that. But I will always be there to listen to you. You’re stuck with me.” I admitted, looking directly into her tired and dim eyes.

We stood like that, in the middle of our kitchen, swaying amongst the silence that surrounded us, my hand tightly grasping hers as a silent promise. A promise that I will never let go. I will hold on tight when it seems like things are falling apart. We were stronger together. I was not going to lose her. I was a lot of things, sometimes insensitive, absent because of my crazy touring schedule, clueless (I’ve only lived about a quarter of a century), among others, but I knew that I was in love with her and that was never going to change. We would be okay. Things will be okay. I will be her shoulder to cry on for as long as she needs it. She’s done the same for me countless times. I was never a very patient man, but with her my patience came so easily.

“I love you so much, Niall.” She said in a quiet voice, so quiet I barely heard her.

“You ready to tell me what’s going on?” I asked gently. She just nodded. “I’m ready when you are. Just fire away.” I added.

2

Sterek AU — Cowboy!Derek  [ 1 / 3 ]
↳ in which Derek works at Stilinski’s ranch the summer Stiles returns from school

James Newton Howard - The Gravel Road

( this only happened because of this commission I made for literaryoblivion that made my bestie Ty‘s cowboy fetish resurface so I wrote him 5k whoops <3 )

Derek knows, the moment he enters the stables, what’s waiting for him there. Or rather: who.

He’s barely stepped in far enough to be out of sight from the house, where the ranch owner’s wife is still sipping her afternoon tea on the front porch, when a pair of hands grabs him by his belt loops and pull him into a shadowed corner. The reins that’s been slung over his shoulder are dropped to the floor with a dull thud against the concrete. Derek grunts a little when his back hits the wall, but there’s already a smile growing at the corner of his mouth as his gaze lands on his capturer.

Stiles; son of the man who hired Derek to work at his ranch. His beautiful face is lit up by that young and mischievous spark in his brown eyes, accompanied by the dangerous smirk playing on his lips as he takes one step back, never letting go of Derek’s belt.

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that awkward moment when the CommonApp essay triggers an existential crisis

I’m trying to make my essay ‘insightful’ without being pretentious and trying to point out my personal qualities even though there are legit 7 billion people and we all overlap so I realised that there’s no point to this and it makes no sense which made me realise that I can’t even pinpoint what the purpose of LIFE is because in the context of the universe we’re so inconsequential it’s legitimately funny which made me realise that there’s not much point to ANYTHING like I could stop writing essays and studying for tests and doing everything right now and technically it wouldn’t matter because nothing really matters 

so existential-apathy is the newest hurdle in my appblr journey :)