nothing fills the void

I could never have anticipated the pain of losing you.
It’s around the same time of year I met you last year, and the nostalgia is killing me. I can’t even walk around anymore because everywhere takes me back to a memory with you in it. Everything feels so out of place. I got so comfortable with you in my life, I had made a place just for you and over time it got bigger and bigger, until you were everything to me. Now the hole is so big but it’s empty. There is nothing to fill that void other than you, and you’re gone.
—  v.m
My Top 10 Favorite Comics of All Time

Hi guys,

I’ve been getting asked a lot on and offline what are my favorite comic books? That’s a loaded question. I had to think about it. There are some great runs in comics. Some great story arcs. But I had to dig down and see what I really liked. What books have I read over and over and over. These are what I enjoyed the most, I’m not saying these are the greatest comic books ever, I’m just saying they appealed to me. So here are my top 10 favorite comics.




10. Identity Crisis
The DC Comics crisis events. Mostly just okay stories. Too much going on and not enough time to invest in any one character. But Identity Crisis stands out above the rest. Instead of a multiverse changing, massive story, Identity Crisis focuses on the mystery of who killed Sue Dibny. The wife of the Elongated Man. More and more of the heroes civilian loved ones are attacked and the heroes have a ticking clock to solve the mystery before another loved one is murdered. Written by Brad Meltzer this book focuses on the cost of living a double life. Highly recommended.



9. Young Avengers: volume 2
Not to be confused with Young Avengers volume 1. Volume 2 by Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie is nothing short of awesome. A multiverse hoping, teenage super hero daydream. It’s a really great story about teenage love, magic, pop references, LGB, and Loki. Lots and lots of Loki. So if you ship Wiccan and Hulkling, love Kate Bishop, and cannot get enough of America Chavez, you’ll want to read this book.



8. Superman American Alien
A lot of people have mixed opinions on this book, but I really enjoyed this unique take written by Max Landis. Focusing on the early years of Clark Kent, it felt more grounded in what Clark would actually be going through on his journey to becoming Superman. Each issue has a different artist which is fitting because each issue focuses on a different year in Clark’s child to teenager to young adult to man journey. It’s a mini series that should be pretty easy to find and I highly recommend it.



7. DC The New Frontier
A book paying tribute to the Silver Age of DC Comics. Focusing on the Macarthy era, A time where America couldn’t be less trusting, the story focuses on the super heroes once praised for their services, now find themselves ridden off as outlaws. Multiple perspectives from Hal Jordan (Green Lantern), Martian Manhunter, Wonder Woman, Flash, etc, as they fight for truth, justice, and the American way, accumulating to the upcoming battle with “The Center.” Darwyn Cooke tells an amazing story that you all should check out.



6. Scott Pilgrim Vol 1 through 6
I cannot recommend these books from Bryan Lee O’ Malley enough. 6 graphic novels in total, focusing on Scott Pilgrim’s desire to date Ramona Flowers, his journey to defeat her 7 evil ex’s, and the challenge of being a responsible adult. This book is filled with post high school confusion, punk rock, video games, anime style action, and heart. If you liked the movie, I promise you, you’ll love the book.



5. Ultimate Comics Spider-Man volume 2
My favorite super hero is Spider-Man. In 2011 when they announced they would be making a new Spider-Man of color I was ecstatic. As a person of color it’s been great to have a Spider-Man that fills that need for minority characters. Obviously just having a minority character isn’t enough but Brian Michael Bendis’s run on Ultimate Comics Spider-Man makes you really love the character of Miles Morales. The story of what happens after Peter Parker dies and a new clueless Spider-Man must fill the void, is nothing short of great. It puts you in the shoes of a new character trying to figure out who he is, all while trying to keep the memory of Peter Parker alive. 



4. Paper Girls
If you like the show “Stranger Things,” you’ll love Paper Girls. Taking place in the 1980s, 4 middle school girls, on their morning paper route get caught up in the strangest day of their lives. To ninjas, dinosaurs, time travel, clones, to apple products, Brian K. Vaughan and Cliff Chiang hit you with a sci-fi nostalgia story that will keep you guessing where the next turn is.




3. Justice League International
The late 80′s had one of the greatest Justice League runs of all time. Keith Giffen and J.M. Dematteis pumped out some of the funniest and most entertaining comics to date. Focusing on the Justice League as a work place comedy, this massive run follows the adventures of a newly formed Justice League made up of mostly second string characters. The satisfaction of Batman punching out Guy Gardner, the comedy duo of Blue Beetle and Booster Gold, GNORT! If you want your super hero books to be fun and hilarious, this is the book for you. Starting in Justice League #1 through 6 and transitioning to Justice League International, then splitting between Justice League Europe and Justice League America.



2. New Avengers
This comic book run written by Brian Michael Bendis is what got me back into comics after an 8 year absence. 6 months after the Avengers disbanded due to the Scarlet Witch killing some of her fellow teammates, a massive prison break, orchestrated by Electro forces Spider-Woman, Luke Cage, Daredevil, Spider-Man, Iron Man, Captain America, and the Sentry to come together to put an end to the riot. The book follows the newly formed team on their mission to track down the 42 escaped prisoners, all while trying to solve the mystery who hired Electro and why? New Avengers also brought some of the best characters in Marvel including Wolverine, Ms. Marvel, Hawkeye, Doctor Strange, Iron Fist, Jessica Jones, and more, to join the team. The book became the center stage for Marvel Comics from 2005 until 2012 running through events like House of M, Civil War, Secret Invasion, all the way to Avengers vs X-Men. It’s a fun super hero book that really throws you into the world of Marvel Comics.



HONORABLE MENTIONS
Black Science
Sex Criminals
New Teen Titans (Marv Wolfman)
Batgirl and the Birds of Prey
Uncanny X-Force (Rick Remender run)
Batgirl: Year One




AND NUMBER ONE….




1. Saga
If you’re not reading Saga, you are missing out. A Romeo and Juliet story set in a sci-fi fantasy space adventure. In the middle of an intergalactic war, Alona and Marko leave their worlds behind to risk everything for the survival and protection of their newborn Hazel. Hunted by both sides of the war, the two travel across the stars and encountering creatures from all over the galaxy who either want to help them or want them dead. Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples take a story about the ups and downs of parenting and throws it into a cosmic and crazy story of awesomeness. Look out for Izabel, Prince Robot the IV, and Ghus. You will smile every time they are on the page.

You’re Anorexic

*Trigger warning 

A/N: This was a very difficult piece for me to write. Please keep in mind that I am no professional and, by any means, mean no offense to anybody with eating disorders. If any part of this imagine is offensive or taken personally, please message me.

If you are suffering through something this fatal, please contact help as soon as possible. 

- masterlist linked in bio


Time.

It’s a funny concept for Y/n. Between every hour and every minute of the day, there lays a purpose. Every second counts, whether it determines the rest of your life or destroys what’s left of it. For those, time goes quickly or barely passes at all- has no beginning nor end.

It’s relied heavily on, because we all die one day or another, unexpectedly or anticipated, and if a second of time is wasted, it haunts us until our dying days.

Time is the one true consistency in everyone’s life.

When Y/n was younger, time meant everything. She counted the days till her birthday, counted down the seconds to the new year, and dated every special event she could think of. She believed that every second of her life mattered so greatly, that everything she had once known could change in a blink of an eye. Days were filled with bliss, anticipation for what the future held for her. Because she wasn’t getting any younger, and all she could think about how she was one second- a millisecond, even- away from her life giving her a new purpose.

It wasn’t until summer of 2012 when all of her greatest expectations were destroyed in a blink of an eye.

Y/n lost her father.

It happened so suddenly, an unexpected collision during the early hours of the morning. Y/n was home at the time, locked away in her room because she had an argument with him earlier on that night. Because the money situation was tight, it was impossible for Y/n to attend her top choice university. She insisted that she’d take out loans from the bank and pay every bit of tuition herself, but he refused.

She felt as if all her time and effort has been wasted. Of course, there were other schools, but Y/n was too stubborn and so set on attending this university that they didn’t matter half as much as the one she worked for.

She spewed out words she didn’t mean, anger and frustration boiling up inside of her. She had worked so hard for this moment- had worked so hard to make her parents and herself proud, but it all blew up in her face. She had never been so upset before, and it was the first time in a while she started to raise her voice and cry to try and get her way. She would have done anything, even if it meant insulting her father.

He pleaded for her to settle down, because no matter where she ended up, she’d always make him proud. But she wasn’t having it.

“I never want to talk to you again.”

Of course she didn’t mean it, but she just felt so betrayed. And because of how sensitive she was, she knew the grudge she was holding against him was going to last a while.

Already late for his meeting, he sighed and placed a delicate kiss on her forehead, the way he always did whenever they were in an argument. It was to show that he still loved her, that he’ll always love her, even when times seemed rough.

“I’m so sorry, love bug. We’ll discuss this with your mother once I get back from my meeting.“

It wasn’t until a couple hours later her mom called her.

She was sobbing, her words jumbled and breath so harsh Y/n could barely understand a word she was saying. All she managed to hear was “your father” and “car accident,” and it was all she needed to understand that her father hadn’t made it. He was never going to come back home.

Y/n spent the next couple of months trying to cope with his loss. She didn’t understand what it meant to lose somebody forever, she never experienced that kind of pain before. It was too much for her, living without her father and watching her mother slowly turn into a lifeless woman.

The only way to cope with all of the pain was to stop eating.

She didn’t know exactly how it helped, but it did. She saw it as a punishment against herself, for saying such horrible things to her father and having him believe she truly never wanted to speak to him again. She didn’t blame herself for his loss, but she carried a horrendous amount of guilt upon herself. So, she began to skip meals, which wasn’t hard because she could barely stomach the thought of food while she was as depressed as she was. And what started off as a coping mechanism turned into something much more fatal.

Now, time means nothing to her, filled with an empty void. Every minute is another minute of being alone- another minute closer to her end. She sits, stares at the wall clock hung perfectly in Ms. Carter’s office, and watches as it passes with every breath she takes.

“Y/n..” Ms. Carter mumbles, looking down at her watch to calculate just how much time has been wasted since their session began.

“Are you ever going to speak?” she questions with an exasperated sigh, long past her patience because all of their recent sessions have consisted of unanswered questions and the same dismal look displayed on Y/n’s face.

Y/n makes no effort to answer her. Her legs stay crossed indian-style in front of her, picking at a hangnail that’s been bothering her the past couple of days. She hasn’t moved since the appointment started, staying in the same position as Ms. Carter asked her questions Y/n was hardly paying attention to.

She’s well aware she’s wasting Ms. Carter’s time. She could be guiding other clients toward the help they need, or simply listening to someone’s troubles other than the horns honking outside and the agonizing sound of the clock ticking further toward the next hour.

Hell, she’s even convinced that she’d be wasting her own time, as well, if it weren’t for the emptiness in her heart. This is the only place Y/n has somebody. Everyone in her life left her, unable to deal with the constant struggle of her eating disorder. Her family, friends, boyfriends; all of them had left her. What was once an attempt to help Y/n recover from her disorder turned into a part time job for them; a constant occupation in their lives to deal with her.

If it was their choice, they probably would have left sooner than they did. But they all gave her pity, only remaining in her life because they felt another person leaving her would push her to the edge- would push her into something far more fatal. Some left without a word, others left with a rehearsed speech about how they didn’t want to see her suffer, that they couldn’t bare the sight of her bones sticking from her body. They couldn’t help her anymore, because they didn’t understand, and they barely have their own lives figured out, so how could they figure out hers? They finished their speeches with a sympathetic apology, saying that they’d still be there for her if she needed them. But they didn’t mean it. She knew they didn’t mean it.

A year and a half into her disorder, with nobody by her side, with not a soul left to help her recover, someone saved her.

Harry.

When he started to get to know her- to listen to her story- he had never felt more remorse for somebody the way he had with her. Such a beautiful and sweet woman has been torturing herself for years all because of the amount of guilt she had at such a young age. He couldn’t begin to imagine what she’s been through, all the pain and hardship she’s endured throughout er life.

She was so lovely, as well, he fell in love with her the moment she started opening up to him. It was easy for the both of them, to talk to one another, simply because there was instant connection none of them could deny. They fit into each other’s lives perfectly, as if filling up the emptiness they both had.

Harry dedicated every part of his life to her, with not a single complaint hanging from his lips. He loved her in ways nobody else had loved her before. He showed it by staying with her, through all the horrible battles she faced. He was patient with her, putting up with her fight against food and reassuring her when she wanted to throw it all up. He was there every step toward her recovery and every step toward her relapses.

It took a long while for her to finally recover. She was eating again; she was healthy again. Her skin glowed with an olive undertone, hair so soft Harry found it irresistible not to touch. Her once twisted thoughts altered to an optimistic mindset. The once beautiful girl he once known developed into an ethereal woman, convinced he was going to spend the rest of his faithful life with her.

If it weren’t for Harry, she wouldn’t have recovered. When he came into her life, she made every promise to herself and to Harry that she would overcome this. She’d continue her battle for them, because she now had a reason to fight. Her love for Harry pushed her to be the woman she became. He changed her- he saved her.

But a year into her recovery, something changed between them.

Something changed in him.

She never felt his love like she used to. He was barley there for her. When he’d come home from work, he wouldn’t call out for her anymore. Even though they were together, she began to feel lonely again. Y/n was convinced he had stopped loving her. She stayed up countless nights, without him, wondering what she did wrong. He didn’t hold her anymore, not like he used to. Before, he’d always hold her, because his arms were her sanctuary and his chest was a bed made specially for her head. His lips only lingered on her cheek or forehead, not in the way they used to. Before, he’d always kiss her lips, because he said he swore his lips were compelled to love hers and said he was always hungry for her love. She fell asleep feeling empty, not in the way she had before. Before, amongst falling asleep, he’d be inside of her, hips colliding with hers because he praised her, and said he’d never love the way he loved her.

But it all ended so suddenly, there was no warning.

She began to feel what she felt with everyone else- neglected.

She felt it was because she recovered. When she was battling her disorder, he loved her because he felt he had to. She had nobody else. Her family had given up on her, her friends left her, and she was left with absolutely nothing. He came at a time she needed someone most. At that point, she was prepared to die, there was no helping it. He was her lifeline, her only dependency, and that’s why he had stopped loving her. He didn’t need to love her anymore.

“I- I don’t quite know what to say.” Y/n mumbles.

She wishes she could tell Ms. Carter everything about it. She wishes she could talk to her like she was supposed to; trust her and open up to her to help her with her recovery. But if she does, she knows Ms. Carter would have to take her to a rehabilitation center. And Y/n wanted absolutely nothing to do with that.

Ms. Carter nods, lips pursing as she places her notebook down of her wooden coffee table. She crosses her legs and arms, back moving to rest upon the black velvet seat she always sits in during her sessions.

“Then why do you come to me, Y/n?” she asks softly, watching as Y/n moves her eyes slowly to her. “If you don’t know what to say, why are you here?”

She shrugs, arms moving to hug her knees to her chest. She rests her chin gently on her knee cap, eyes trained on the window directly in front of her. She watches as cars move during the rush hour, people walking on the sidewalks with a premeditated destination. She envies those who thrive, for she lacks motivation to accomplish her ambitions.

“This is all I have.”

Ms. Carter blinks at her confession, interlocking her fingers together while nodding her head.

She knows Y/n has been different the past couple months. Normally, Y/n talks about her relationship with Harry, how he’s been her biggest step toward her recovery. She talked about how great she’d feel, but was, nonetheless, worried she’ll eventually relapse and disappoint him.

Ms. Carter has had suspicions that Y/n is going through another relapse. However, she knew that if she was, that Harry was by her side at home. It was one of the many reasons she hadn’t taken major actions to help her through it. She knew Harry would do her more help than her, but Y/n kept scheduling appointments that she couldn’t deny.

“And what about Harry?” She asks timidly, “Is he helping you through this time, Y/n?”

Y/n’s eyes flutter shut at his name. Her hands shake as her fingers pull down the sleeves of her sweatshirt, tugging them all the way so that her hands are completely covered by the material.

“Not anymore.” She whispers.

Y/n’s eyes divert to Ms. Carter’s cautious gaze. Her mouth is slightly parted, almost shocked at the confession she made. Ms. Carter knows the only thing that guided her was Harry. He was her rock and support through her entire fight, and with the possibility of his departure comes the possibility of Y/n going back to where it all began.

“Are you- are you still eating, Y/n?”

Her eyes go back to the window.

Another question left unanswered.


The weather outside is making Harry miserable. So miserable, in fact, he’s refused to move from his spot on the couch for the past four hours.

The house is dark for the mid-afternoon, the gloomy weather making it nearly feel like a funeral home. With no motivation to go outside and finding it oddly comfortable to wallow, he can’t help but to keep his eyes trained on the television show playing in front of him. It’s Y/n’s favorite show- one they watched nearly every Saturday afternoon because that’s when CW aired the marathon.

He still watches it every Saturday. A part of him can’t let the tradition go. He’s somehow convinced himself that maybe, just maybe, she couldn’t, either, and they are some how both watching it at the same time in two different places. Gemma tells him that she probably does the same, as well, but he should try to move on from her; that staying in the house and only doing things that remind him of her is going to edge him to insanity. But oddly, consuming his days with things that remind him of her keep him as sane as he can possibly be.

He sighs, clammy fingers tugging at the roots of his hair as he looks down at his phone for what must have been the twentieth time today. His thumb hovers over her contact number, twitching as he begins to contemplate whether to call her or not. It’s been months since he’s seen her, let alone talked to her. Every second without knowing how she’s doing kills him more and more each time.

To say Harry’s been worried is an understatement. He’s completely petrified.

For the past couple of years, Harry has been through it all with Y/n. He’s seen her at her worst, was there to witness her greatest and most disastrous downfalls and stood by her side during her most amazing recoveries. He’s seen her in all her forms of terrible glory, with bones sticking from her skin and bruises covering her arms and legs. He’s watched her as people began to leave her one by one- a bystander of a broken girl being neglected by her loved ones. He’s seen her fantasize about her end and watched as pain settled in her eyes.

And he just can’t shake the feeling that everything Y/n has built up to her recovery has been knocked down again.

He can’t stomach the thought of her looking the way she did when they first met. He doesn’t even want to think about what she’s been putting herself up against since his departure.

For the first month after their breakup, Harry had called Y/n everyday to make sure she was eating properly. He’d call her before bed, asking numerous questions about her diet and her therapy sessions. What did you eat today? How much did you eat? Was Ms. Carter nice? How are you feeling? It was a routine that was able to keep both of them sane during their separation.

It didn’t last long, however, when Y/n started to finally realize she wasn’t able to move on. Between the constant reminder that she didn’t have anybody there for her anymore and his constant phone calls, she found it impossible to move on from him.

Y/n also began to feel upset that Harry had broke things off with her but still had the audacity to call her. She understood what he was doing. She understood that he was showing her that he still cared and worried for her, but the fact that the only effort he had put into taking care of her was through a phone call made Y/n feel like a charity case.


“I just can’t do this anymore, Harry” she muttered softly to the phone, her fingers halfheartedly fiddling with the corner of the duvet, “You can’t keep calling me when we aren’t dating.”

His heart fell to the pit of his stomach. Calling her before bed was a routine to him now. Talking to her was able to keep him sane, because he was getting the reassurance he needed to know she was doing okay.

In all honesty, he didn’t know if he could go a day without talking to her. Without her updating him, he knows he’d spend every second of his day worrying about her health and how she’d be keeping up with herself.

The phone calls were also the bit of her he had left. If he were to stop calling her, all he’d have left is her empty side of the bed, and he needed more than that. He needed more of her.

“But you need to see that I still care for you, Y/n” he whispers brokenly, “that I’ll always be here to make sure you’re alright.”

“But how do you think that makes me feel?!”

Her voice was higher than usual, a tone she very rarely used with him because he never gave her a reason to be angry. But now, after him calling off their relationship but still having the audacity to call her made her sick to her stomach.

“If you still cared, if you still wanted me, you’d be with me right now! You’re not making any effort to care for me, Harry! Calling me doesn’t mean anything because you’re not here!

He shut his eyes at her words, a pang of guilt hitting him like a ton of bricks. He would be there with her if he had a choice, but their relationship wasn’t working out in both of their favors. In the midst of her getting her life back and him settling in a new job, it was very hard for them to keep up with each other. It was especially hard for him to keep up with her because she seemed to be so content in her new life that he almost felt unwanted.

He still loved her, but he felt like she didn’t want him anymore. She had recovered because of him, and because she didn’t have to rely on him in the way he was used to, he felt useless in her life. And no matter how much he tried to convince himself that it wasn’t true, that she still wanted and needed him, it still broke him apart.

“You know our relationship wasn’t working out for us and-“

No,” she cut him off, teeth clenching out of frustration, “our relationship wasn’t working out for you. You felt no need to love me anymore, so you left me just like everybody else.”

Harry’s jaw clenches as she speaks, head thrashing wildly side to side, because it’s not true. Everything she thinks, everything he’s made her come to believe isn’t true, and he wants nothing more than to try to make her understand that he’ll always be in love with her. That he’ll always be there for her because he can’t image a day without loving her the way she deserves.

“Y/n, baby, how could you say tha-“

“You need to stop calling me,” she cries, “you’re either a part of my life or you aren’t. There’s no middle ground for you to be in. That’s not fair to me. It’s either you care for me and love me or you don’t.”

Harry’s breath was harsh against the speaker, fists clenched together as he tries to wrap his head around the situation he’s put in.

The hesitation in his answer was enough for her heart to break. The silence between her words and his answer spoke louder than anything he could possibly say to her.

She couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t surprised this is how their story ended. Everyone has already gave up on her, it was only a certain amount of time before Harry realizes how easy a life would be without her. She just didn’t want to believe it.

“I get it, Harry” she whispers, sniffling as she runs her wrist along the tip of her nose. “Goodbye.“


He’s been doing this everyday, worrying and contemplating on what he should do. He wishes more than anything to be with her the way she deserved, and wishes even more that he had never left her in the first place. He knows calling her would make her angry because she’s made it clear she felt hurt every time she did so, but he also knows not calling her isn’t fair, either.

He understands how wrong it sounds to leave his anorexic girlfriend of three years, but he felt it was best for the both of them at the time. But now, after months of her out of his life with no other connections to hear from her, he realized how stupid he was to convince himself that.

He’s completely devastated without her.

Living without Y/n wasn’t living at all. The life he experienced with her was incomparable to the one he’s been experiencing without her. She’s the love of his life, she’s the woman who showed him what it truly meant to love and care for someone so much. Of course, being with her wasn’t the easiest thing in the world, but loving her was. That’s what made them so real. Their relationship was filled with struggles, messes, and tears, but they were still in love with each other regardless. It was their ability to fight together that pulled them through their most difficult times.

“Jesus, Y/n.” He whispers to himself, “I’m so sorry, baby.”

Harry’s thumb presses on the cancel button, letting out a shaky breath as he does so. He feels a tear slowly fall down his cheek, which he’s quick to wipe away with the back of his hand when he hears the front door swing open.

“Afternoon, H!” Gemma greets, hands filled with grocery bags as she stumbles through the front door.

“Bought us some sandwiches. Turkey chipotle sandwiches, to be exact. Figured we could just watch some shows today? The weather is a fucking disaster, it’s making me moody.”

Harry nods speechlessly, his fingers toying with his upper lip. His eyes divert to Gemma’s struggling figure for just a couple seconds before his attention is back on Y/n’s contact.

“Yeah, yeah sounds fine.” He mutters distractedly.

Gemma’s eyebrows furrow in concern over his melancholy tone, placing the grocery bags lazily on the kitchen counter before making her way toward Harry’s slumped figure.

She bites her lower lip at the look of her distraught brother, who’s clearly shown no improvement since his breakup with Y/n. She’s aware that he blames himself for their breakup and that he spends every waking hour of his day worrying about her. No matter how hard she tries to help him through this struggle in his life, there’s always a part of him that will always feel a sense of protection over her.

He’s a wreck, and no matter how many times he tries to deny it, there were numerous nights Gemma would find Harry staring at her contact during the earliest hours in the morning with helpless tears building in his eyes. She’d even hear him mutter apologies to himself, as if rehearsing a speech to say if he ever found the strength to call her.

Who could really blame him, though?

“You okay?” she asks timidly, already knowing his answer but still finding it in her heart to ask.

She would do anything for him- anything to help him. Hell, she’s tried everything. She’s tried to talk to him alone whenever she found him in his darkest hour, even made him cups of tea to help settle his brain. She bought him a journal, in hopes that writing down his feelings will help him recover in the slightest. She even scheduled him for an in-home therapy session, but every bit of her attempts never budged him. He was still the same mess of a man he has been since the day he left Y/n.

Harry looks up at her, nodding his head feverishly when he sees the concerned look on her face.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” he coughs, looking back down at his phone, “Just haven’t checked up on her in a while. Kinda worried.“

Gemma raises her eyebrows at him, unconvinced.

Kind of worried?” she questions, occupying the space on the couch next to him. Her hand reaches up to his forehead to wipe the beads of sweat off his forehead, which slowly moves to his back in attempt to relieve his tense muscles.

“You’re sweating.”

He lets out a breathy chuckle, his hand reaching to the back of his neck. He nods his head, lips pursing together as he tries to hold back the emotions he’s feeling.

“I feel like she stopped eating and it’s just- it’s just something I can’t stop thinking about, you know? I can’t live in peace when it’s all my head wanders off to.”

Gemma nods her head, her fingers squeezing the skin of his shoulder as a way to reassure that she’s here for him.

She feels awful about how much blame Harry’s been putting on himself the past couple of months. It’s beginning to take a major toll on him, he can barely include himself in day-to-day activities without getting lost in his thoughts. His once well-put-together form has seemed to turn effortless, not cared for in the way it once was. He’s become so disconnected,, she can’t deny the overwhelming concern she’s had for him for the past couple of months.

“I’m sure she’s okay, Harry. I’m sure she’s still checking in with Ms. Carter and working on herself. She’s a strong woman, you and I both know that. Strongest woman we’ve ever met. She’ll be okay.”

She leans over to press a chaste kiss to his cheek.

“And if she isn’t doing well, she would have called you by now.”

But Harry is having none of it. He knows that if she’s relapsing, she wouldn’t have called him. She wouldn’t have called anyone. He knows she feels like he doesn’t care about her anymore- feels like she’s the last thing on his mind. If she were to call him, she’d feel like she was a burden on his life, and that was the last thing she’d want. He knows that.

But if only she knew. If only she knew he can’t sleep at night because all he can think about is betraying the woman he loves, leaving her to fight by herself. Hell, if only she knew he can’t touch his phone without constantly going back to her contact trying to muster up the strength to call her and ask her how she’s doing.

“I was her reason to eat. If she stopped eating, it’s because of me.”

“No,” Gemma shakes her head, reaching her hands up to grab his face to ensure she was looking at him in the eyes, “You can’t put that much responsibility on yourself like that, she had plenty of reasons to recover. None of this would be your fault.”

He shakes his head, gripping the sides of his head as if trying to remain as calm as he possibly can. He wouldn’t be shocked if he lost all of his remaining sanity in his moment.

“I was literally all she had, Gem.” he spits, all the anger and frustration he’s held against himself now unleashing. All the contained emotions he’s been feeling, all the loathing he’s been trying to ignore, is all unraveling inside of him to the point where he feel like he can’t breathe.

“My existence, our future, that’s what she recovered for. Not a second of her recovery was for anybody or anything else.” He rants, breathing harsh as the thoughts rush through his brain. “She had nobody except for me. She didn’t have any friends, any family. She wasn’t fighting when I met her. She was waiting to die..”

“Harry…”

“And I did what I promised her I wouldn’t do and…and now I-”

“You shouldn’t feel obligated to be with her, Harry.” Gemma blinks, shaking her head softly as she reaches to remove his hands from his head, “If you didn’t love her anymore, you didn’t have a choice.“

“But I do love her” he defends, shaking his head, “I’ve always loved her. We had to break up because our relationship wasn’t easy at that time, but hell, Gem, that doesn’t mean I ever stopped loving her.”

He sighs, rubbing his sweaty hands over his face.

Tears fall slowly down his face, soaking his cheeks as he inhales sharply. God, how much he fucking loves her, is what kills him the most.

“Me, helping her recover, of course that was a plus. I helped her get out of her anorexia, Gem. I never gave up on her, but I did once she recovered. That’s not fair, I still love her so much. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Gemma frowns, slowly leaning toward him so that she can softly wrap her arms around his shoulders. She buries her cheek against his shoulder, thumb rubbing delicate circles on his back.

“I think you know what to do, H.”


Once Y/n’s appointment ended, she found herself curled up in her bed as the sounds of Harry’s mixtape played quietly throughout the room. It was a tape he made for her when they first started dating, something sentimental for her to hold onto whenever he wasn’t able to be there.

She’s been listening to it almost everyday since the breakup. She’d listen to it mindlessly, whether she was staring at wall or she was listening to it on her way to therapy. It was the only thing in her life that made her feel something; the pure value of it holding so much meaning. The music was the closest she’s been to Harry in a while, so it was her sanctuary.

She sighs, her fingers lightly grazing the window that drips with rain. In her loneliest hours, Y/n wants nothing more than to make her way over to him. She doesn’t quite know how she’s made it so long without him. In all honesty, she expected her to have given up and walk up to his door and beg him for his help. She knows she’s suffering, her body weak and starving the more she refuses to eat. But, to her, she has no reason to. Every bit of love she had for herself and every purpose she had to continue living has all dissolved into nothing.

She shakes her head, unwrapping herself from the blankets she raveled herself in before her bare feet made contact with the cold floor. She decides to go for a walk, or maybe just go out on her front porch to get some fresh air. She thinks it’ll be good for her, after all, she doesn’t have anything else to do besides stay cooped up in her four walls and listen to disgusting love songs.

The second she stood up from the bed, she nearly fell onto the floor. Her head spins and feels obnoxiously light when she begins to stand up properly. It wasn’t rare for her to feel lightheaded whenever she moved too quickly, however, this was the most intense it has been. Holding herself onto the wall, she waits until she feels back to her normal self before making her way down toward her living room.

Her fingers immediately press against her temples when she makes it to her foyer. Her head spins wildly with every step she takes, making her lose her balance once she reaches the last step. Her head hits against the floor, a groan leaving her chapped lips as her body begins to tremble. Her eyes cloud with darkness for a few moments at a time before she regains her consciousness, her sight fogged and lightheaded as she tries to pick herself up off the floor.

“No” she mumbles, coughing as she rushes to reach for her phone.

“No, no, no.”

This has happened to her before. It happened years ago, though, when she hasn’t consumed anything for weeks. The only difference is that she had someone there to save her before. Thankfully, her mom was there at the time and rushed to her rescue. When she made it to the hospital, they said she was near her end. If she had went a couple more hours without consumption, she wouldn’t have been able to make it.

But now, she has nobody.

Her breathing becomes harsh as her body keeps losing consciousness. There’s only a certain amount of time she has before she fades out entirely, and no matter how much she’s tried to convince herself that she’s been ready for this moment, she has never been more scared for her life.

Her shaking fingers reach for her phone in her back pocket. She has to do something and has to do it quick. If she dies like this, nobody would be out looking for her, nobody would find her body. She’d be stuck in this house as her body decays into nothing but bone.

She decides that this isn’t how she’s going to die, because if this is the day her end finally nears, she’d want to spend her last dying breaths with the one person she feels something for.

Harry.

She whimpers, weak fingers punching in his phone number. Every part of her wants him to answer- needs him to answer, because he’s her last bit of hope and she doesn’t plan on leaving it all behind. But a part of her wouldn’t blame him for not answering. After all, she was the one who dropped him from her life completely, which was, quite honestly, the stupidest thing she’s ever done in her life. She practically pushed him away entirely, even when he was still there for her. Even when he still held onto her and cared for her like nobody else has.

And she can’t die knowing that.

“Y/n?”

Y/n swears hearing his voice is everything she needs in this moment.

Seeing her name light up on his phone makes Harry spring out of bed, his hands gripping the phone closer to his ear, as if trying to get closer to her. It’s been too long since he’s talked to her, and he’s convinced he can’t allow himself to waste another minute without hearing her voice again.

But no matter how much he wishes she was calling because she missed him, too, he just can’t seem to shake the feeling that the only reason she called is because she’s in trouble.

“Harry” she heaves groggily.

Her eyes are clouded, the room spinning around her. She can barely move, only the ghostly movements of her lips and the subtle rise and fall of her chest. She’s lightheaded, feeling cold and utterly weightless as her body lays faint on the carpeted floor beneath her.

“Y/n” Harry breathes out, slightly confused and partially in awe at the sound of her voice, “are you okay? I was gonna come by later. Been worried about you.”

“I keep fading out” she whimpers, her eyes closing longly each passing second, “I’m gonna die.”

Harry’s face pales the second he hears the struggling in her voice.

Nothing could have prepared him for this moment. It’s as if the world has stopped revolving around him, his only concern being Y/n and her safety. With her shaking voice filled with fear; it feels as if every one of Harry’s greatest fears are all coming to haunt him all at once. Y/n’s in a great amount of danger, all because of him, and he might not be able to save her in time.

In a matter of a second, working so quickly Harry doesn’t seem to fully keep up with his actions, he’s stumbling down his stairs and at his front door, holding his car keys shakingly in his hands. He doesn’t even bother putting on a pair of shoes or a jacket before he’s rushing toward his car.

“Y/n…Y/n, you have listen to me very carefully.” he pants, slightly tripping over his own two feet before regaining balance. “You have to hang up the phone and dial the police before i-”

“I- I can’t, Harry” she chokes out, interrupting him because she doesn’t know how much longer she can make it. “I’m so weak. I can’t move.”

Harry’s moving wildly once he sits down in the car. His hands are shaking so harshly it takes him a couple seconds to push the keys in the ignition, causing frantic mumbles of c’mon, c’mon, c’mon to leave his quivering lips.

“Fucking shit!” he spits, putting the car in reverse and stepping on the pedal so hard he’s convinced his car will be wrecked by the time he gets to her. But he doesn’t care, not at all.

He puts his car in drive and swerves onto the road, breaking the speed limit by an extra 30 miles an hour. His teeth clench together as his hand wraps tightly around the stirring wheel, causing his knuckles to turn white as he steps down on the pedal harder.

No matter what speed he goes, he has this inevitable fear that he isn’t going to make it to her on time. He feels he has no time- that she has no time- and no matter how badly he wishes he can stay talking to her to ensure that she’ll be okay by the time he reaches her, he knows it isn’t her safest option. He has to risk it, he doesn’t have much of a choice.

“You gotta give me two minutes, love. I’m putting you on hold for two minutes so that I can send someone over to you. Do not hang up on me, you hear me? You stay with me. Gimme two minutes.”

He doesn’t give her any time to reply before he puts her on hold. His fingers are rapid as he calls the police, the fingers that are gripping onto the steering wheel tapping along the leather as he waits for the operator to answer.

“What’s your-”

“My girlfriend, please,” he rushes out before the woman can finish, “she’s home alone and she keeps fading in and out of consciousness. I need you to bring someone over to her house please.”

He doesn’t notice how fast he’s speaking until the operator begins to ask him to calm down and repeat himself.

“Do you know any information in regards to her unconsciousness?”

“Yes,” he swallows thickly, “she’s anorexic.”

“What’s the address, sir?”

“168 Williamson Drive.”

“The police are on their way.”

He hangs up with the operator before switching back to Y/n’s contact.

“Y/n, baby, you still there?”

Her body jolts when she hears his voice from the speaker, breath hitching in her throat as she grips onto her phone tighter. She swears, if it isn’t for Harry being on the other line, she would have given up by now. Knowing he’s coming back to her keeps her fighting against her body, which is on the brink of blacking out for God knows how long.

“How much-“ she whimpers as she speaks, eyes slowly closing, “how much longer?”

His eyes wander wildly to the roads ahead of him. He isn’t far from her now, just a couple more turns until he’s in her neighborhood. Working quickly, his foot absentmindedly presses harder against the gas pedal, switching lanes to avoid the cars that are getting in his way.

Shit, baby, you gotta give me five more minutes. I just need a bit more time and I’ll be there with you.”

The five minutes feels like forever.

Between Y/n’s soft crying and Harry’s continuously worried questions, Y/n had already fallen out of consciousness three times. She isn’t positive on how she is able to wake up each time, but she is. Every time she wakes up, Harry is calling her name desperately through the phone, reassuring her that he was going to be there as soon as he possibly can and help make sure she stays safe. However, Y/n is almost completely positive she is going to die. She had put her body through so much for far too long, she doesn’t know how many times her body can keep recovering just to relapse again. Her health was constantly fluctuating between the most drastic lows and highs, there is no possible way it has any more strength to push her through this last fight. There is just no way.

Harry doesn’t have time to turn off his car before he’s rushing toward her front door. His sweating hands slip off the doorknob on his first attempt to open her door, but is quick to rebuttal when he storms inside her house. It’s dark, only a small amount of light illuminating the foyer as his eyes wildly search for her.

She’s collapsed onto the floor. Her skin as pale as he’s ever seen it, her fragile body shivering and shaking against the hardwood floor. Her body looks broken, in a way. It looks lifeless as she helplessly tries to muster any atom in her body to keep fighting for her survival. Her loose clothes didn’t hide how weak her body has become within the past couple of months. There’s still a drastic, evident change in her body frame since he’s last seen her. And if he has to be honest, it makes him feel sick to his stomach, to see the love of his life like this.

And the only thing he can think about is how this is all his fault. He caused all of this, not any of this would be happening if he hadn’t left her the way he did. Instead, they could be getting married, living in their dream home together, cooking on the kitchen stove and listening to their favorite music together. They could be happy together.

But everything is because of him. There is nobody else to blame besides him and his selfishness. He left her, alone, in her most disastrous condition and nothing about what he did is okay, not when she’s like this.

“Baby” he cries, falling to his knees beside her.

He begins to sob as he lifts her up from the floor. He cradles her against him, her head laying perfectly on his chest as his arms wrap security around her waist. He nuzzles his face into her hair, his strong cries raking through him as he holds her tighter against him.

She feels cold, much different than her usual warm touch. She feels so light, too, and so weak as he grabs onto her like she’s his life line.

It’s been too long- way too long since he’s held her so close. It feels as if this is the first time he’s finally able to breathe, to not feel so suffocated in his heartbreak over losing the love of his life. He’s with her now, and maybe not in the best way possible, but he’s with her and it’s the biggest step to help them overcome this. Together.

Her fingers brush against his neck, her cheek rubbing against his chest as she whimpers against him.

Her head spins and her eyes fog as he holds her to him, making it nearly impossible for her to keep up with her consciousness. All she can think is how good it feels, to be with him in her weakest moment. She feels the most alive, even in her time closest to death, being wrapped in his arms and being peppered by his kisses. She feels the safest she’s ever been, and in this moment, for the first time in a while, she truly feels like everything is going to be okay.

“Don’t leave me, please” she whispers, “please don’t leave again.”

His heart breaks when he feels her tears soak through his t-shirt as the words she speaks crack in her voice.

He’d never leave her, never in his wildest dreams would he think about leaving her again. He can’t live another day without her, and he’ll stop at nothing to make sure she gets the ending she deserves.

“Oh, my love” he whimpers, placing a delicate kiss upon her forehead, “I’m so sorry, my love. Help is on its way, okay? You’re with me now, you’re safe. I’ve got you.“

He leans down to kiss her shaking lips, running his hands through her hair as he lets out another broken sob.

“You’re safe now.”

Headcanons+Drabble for Yandere Alfonse

Here it is guys! Some Yandere Alfonse headcanons and a Drabble to go with it.

@01paige01 @hylianmaria @psiioniichearts Here are the details. Enjoy! :)

Headcanons:
* Alfonse is only a low key yandere, so low key that he only seems to be like an overly jealous person.
* Alfonse is utterly terrified of losing you. Eventually this fear will become paranoia and that’s where the yandere side shows up.
* He doesn’t realize it but he’s really good at emotional manipulation. He always has a reason that sounds reasonable enough for his overly jealous behavior. You also already know that he lost Zacharias so you get easily guilt tripped by him. (Ex: “I’m sorry I acted that way, I just don’t want lose you.”)
* He’d also say things that would make you feel obligated to dedicate yourself to him when off battle. (Ex: “You’re the only one I have”)
* Suddenly you’ll noticed that you never hang out with anybody else but Alfonse now. On battle, that’s the only exception you’ll have of being with others since you’re the tactician. Off battle, you’re practically with Alfonse 24/7.
* He’d never really hurt you physically (slapping, slicing, stabbing, etc.) The most he’d do is when he sees you with a Hero and drags you somewhere alone. He pins your wrists against a wall and his hands start tightening in anger and it leaves bruises. He’d feel guilty though and apologize profusely.
* The farthest he’d go as a yandere at most is tying you up and locking you away. He’s not going to kill anyone except on the battlefield when you’re in danger (off battle, it’s going to take a lot to push him to that extreme)

Now, here is the drabble to go with it!

Alfonse’s heart and mind was a void. Nothing could fill it up again after his childhood friend disappeared.

Then you came into his life, he felt a small strange warmth and he was tempted. He was tempted to get closer to you.

But Alfonse was cautious, he wouldn’t allow himself to get easily attached to you. So he kept his distance, and limited himself to interacting with you when needed.

However, the distance he attempted to create made his heart grow fonder of you. It didn’t help that it was impossible to avoid you because you were the tactician.

Alfonse found himself watching you from afar. You stole his eyes and he grew used to only looking at you. When he looked at you, he forgot everything else and you filled his entire mind. All he could do was think of you, nothing else.

His heart was still on the defensive though. One part of his heart said that watching you was just fine. The other demanded more of you.

The other side of his heart won. It wasn’t enough just observing you, he needed more of you.

Alfonse approached you willingly for the first time and smiled. “How about you and I have a little chat? I want to know more about you.”

You smiled brightly at him and told him everything about you. From how you lived, to your habits and to all the little things you liked. He was drawn in even more by you.

His heart’s defenses broke down. His heart welcomed your warmth. It was a comforting feeling. The void that was his mind and heart was consumed by you. You became his paradise.

“I feel really tired now” You yawned and rubbed your sleepy eyes “Talk to you later, goodnight!”

“Good night,” Alfonse said. He was disappointed. That wasn’t enough time with you. He felt empty again. But he was excited, he hadn’t felt warmth in his heart for a long time.

He had taken a bite of the forbidden fruit and he wanted more. He needed you to be his forever.

Day by day, Alfonse’s empty heart demanded more and more of you. He craved your existence.

Whispers of yearning appeared, they coaxed him further. “You need their warmth. You need to feel complete. Only they can fulfill your being. All you have to do is make them yours. That wouldn’t hurt now, would it?”

The whispers won, but he had to test you first. One day, he grabbed your hand and pulled you into the library.

“Promise me you’ll never leave us… without warning me first,” Alfonse whispered, gripping your hand in his.

You looked at him with a determined gaze and nodded. Your hand tightened around his. “I promise.”

Intense euphoria rushed through him. He dared himself and took a step further.

Alfonse tugged your body to his and wrapped his arms around you. He shivered feeling your warmth against him. God, it felt so good to hold you in his arms.

He pressed his forehead against yours and gazed into your eyes. He smiled. “Then… will you do me the honor of being mine?”

Your eyes widened and your face flushed red. “I-I, um… yes. I’ll be yours, Alfonse,” you whispered.

“Thank you.” Alfonse’s smile widened and pressed his lips against your forehead. He put his head on your shoulder and held you for a while.

But, worry rushed through his mind. You could still break your promise to him. You could still leave him. If you left him, his mind and heart would go back to being empty. He didn’t want to feel empty anymore.

He needed you here for it to be paradise.

He was suffocated by his fear. It consumed his entire being.

There was no damn way he’d let you go.


You truly did love Alfonse with your heart. How could you not? He was a sweet, cute, charming prince.

But lately, he was acting stranger than usual? His eyes seemed to radiate fury whenever you talked to the other Heroes.

Was he jealous? You decided to test the waters and talk with one of the Heroes. You suddenly felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned your head and gulped.

It was Alfonse. His eyes were now cold and deadly, they radiated fury.

“We need to talk,” Alfonse said with a tight smile. He grabbed your hand and dragged you through the hallway of the castle and out into its gardens.

He suddenly slammed you against the wall, making you squeak. He pinned your wrists at the sides of your head with both of his hands.

You gulped and tried to find words so you wouldn’t provoke Alfonse further. “A-Alfonse? What’s wrong? What is this all about?”

His head hung low. “You’re going to leave me, aren’t you?” Alfonse murmured.

“What!? I would never leave you! I promised—”

Alfonso’s head snapped up and he growled. “If you loved me you’d stop getting too close to the Heroes!” Alfonse snapped. His hands tightened making you yelp upon feeling sharp pain around your wrists. He muttered, “For all I know, they could convince you to leave me and go to their world.”

You shook your head. “No! I really love you, Alfonse. I’d never leave you. I promised you.”

“Then promise me that you won’t get close with the Heroes anymore,” Alfonse retorted. His eyes stared intensely into yours, making your heart race.

“I promise that I won’t get close to the Heroes anymore for now on,” you repeated. Your heart pounded when there was only silence.

Alfonse’s eyes softened and he sighed. He let go of your wrists and wrapped his arms around you.

He ran his fingers through your hair. “I’m sorry that I acted that way, but I really do love you and I’m scared you’ll leave me,” Alfonse mumbled.

He was scared? Your heart felt a twinge of guilt. “No! It’s fine. I understand.”

“Good” Alfonse’s hold around you tightened. “You are the only one who can make me feel loved. You are the only one I have. You are my paradise.”

So proud of Merlin! (and the cast crew and fans!!)

I saw it trending on twitter and legit thought he would tweet that Arthur was back haha *sobs* But winning the best sci-fi/Fantasy category http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-39489377 is an incredible achievement and well deserved for a show (and ship) *cough merthur* that has touched my heart and will stay with me always. It was more than a fantasy, it was human and a real piece of magic that I feel honoured to have seen and be a fan of then and now. Nothing has filled this void that Merlin left, it was a beautiful show and I miss it but it has also inspired and helped me a lot. The fandom was always awesome and though I may not be as active I don’t love the show or fandom any less, its always there with me and some of the best times I had were during Merlin and after THAT FINALE D: when we all supported each other. So lets raise a glass of mead at the Rising Sun for Merlin and Arthur, the Knights and the queens and the dragons and also the fantastic cast, Colin Morgan Bradley James, Katie McGrath, Angel Coulby, Anthony Head,Alex Vlahos, Tom Hopper, Richard Wilson TOO MANY TO LIST everyone from the cast and crew created something that hasn’t gone away or been forgotten because it was made with love and fun and friendship and the stories will always continue, Merlin’s story isn’t over… and we can go back whenever we wish to Camelot and for a little while, be in that world of magic again. Thank you, I love you Merlin always <3

Sidelines (A/F)

Originally posted by mvssmedia


Genre:- Angst ( A slight fluff in the end )
Word Count:- 2K
Warnings:- Mild swearing
Request:- “Can I request a tae imagine of him being your friend and then gets jealous because you keep going out to blind dates and then confesses his love for you, thank you.”

A/N:- this has been long overdue but we reached 400 followers and our recent projects(?) have been receiving so much love and I couldn’t be happier so thank you so much for your constant support!! I really hope you liked it! Even though there’s no actually human interaction I feel like voices are very intimate so I wanted to portray it here, I could make a second part with them meeting if you guys would like just request it!!

~Admin Dee


My mind is fuzzy, the last remnants of a dream being chased away by the realisation that I am awake again. It was a nice dream, something about sitting in a big oak tree in meadow full of flowers but the details are fading fast even as I try to recall them. With a mental sigh I allow my brain to focus and cautiously opened one eye. The bright shine of the moonlight cuts the room in half and I see the twinkling stars in the dark and beautiful airglow. “Why am I awake.” I mutter to myself as I pull the duvet up over my head to keep out the noise of my phone.

Unfortunately the noise doesn’t stop and my brain is awake, turning over and allowing my hand to peak out from the duvet and touch the side cabinets in search of the vibrating device that disturbed my sleep, after my hand wraps around my phone I shove the warm duvet to the side and sit up straight to then realize that the ringing has stopped, flipping my phone over I roll my eyes as I see the clock reading 4 AM and 7 missed calls from my stupid best friend, Kim Taehyung, before I can tap on the name and call him back he is already calling me again.

“Yah!.” he exclaims as soon as I answer his call, “ I’ve been calling you since forever why aren’t you answering my phone calls,”, he continues to say, “ If you haven’t noticed it’s 4am.” I retort to him with a displeased tone to showcase that I wasn’t happy with the fact that he disturbed my sleep, my retort must have awakened something in his brain because it was quiet for a few seconds before I heard his soft voice speak up, “ I’m sorry.”

Keep reading

To All Writers:

Remember to take a minute to appreciate your own work. Maybe you don’t particularly care for the words you produced today: so what? You created a universe, an entire galaxy, out of literally nothing. You felt a void in the world and decided to fill it by creating something new, not to mention a brand new world for people to escape to. That is the coolest thing possible, and if you feel under appreciated, make sure you appreciate yourself enough for the losers who refuse to believe along the way.
Keep creating. Keep thinking.
Keep writing.

Don’t

This is my first post like literally kill me please, and if you enjoy don’t forget to request some scenarios, mtl’s, etc. Also like I’m literally in love with angst writings so that’s why this is my first lmao. Hope you enjoyed this because I know it’s probably not good at all. If you want to know who I write for click here


Genre: Angst

Pairing: TaeyongxReader

Word Count: 714

Originally posted by t-yong

Falling out of love was something you had never imagined. You and Taeyong were perfect, you shared a love that could only be found in movies. Nothing was impossible for the two of you, you overcame every obstacle because that’s just who you were. 

Y/N and Taeyong. 

Though lately, this hadn’t been the case. He had been avoiding you, staying out a little later, and you weren’t finding the little handwritten notes he always hid for you around the apartment. Something was wrong, you could feel it, but you chose to deny your feelings. 

You didn’t want to confront him about it, but today in particular it was eating you alive when he didn’t even spare you a glance as he walked past.

“Taeyong-ah?”

He responded with a small hm. It was an answer, but for you it wasn’t enough.

“Taeyong.” you said a little louder, annoyance present in your voice. When he finally looked over at you he looked annoyed and somewhat angry.

“What.” 

“What am I doing wrong? What have I done for you to treat me like this?” you could feel the tears filling your eyes, threatening to spill. 

Once again he didn’t reply, he just looked at you with the expression of wanting this conversation to end. 

“Yes, you’re doing everything wrong. You’re always there waiting for me, waiting on me, asking me stupid questions, asking me where am I at all times, checking up on me every five minutes. You know sometimes I just need my space.” he suddenly yelled, smacking his hand onto the counter making you wince. 

You never thought he felt this way as he continued to go off on you like a loose cannon, spitting out words that you never thought he was capable of saying to you. The tears were spilling now, every emotion that the both of you had been holding in until now tumbling out as you screamed at each other. 

“THEN MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GO!” you screamed as you scrambled to pack as much of your clothes in the duffle you’d found in the closet. The worst part is he didn’t even try to stop you as you moved frantically around the room taking as much of your things as you could. Once you’d collected most of your stuff you headed for the door only for him to finally ask where you thought you were going.

“I’m leaving. Sorry I wasted your time and cared for you so much it led to your hatred for me.” you said quietly, placing your promise ring he’d gotten for you when you were still happy, on the counter. Opening the door, you didn’t bother looking back because you knew he was just waiting for you to go already.


He cried. He cried so much, finally realizing the things he’d done wrong, blaming you for things you did when you were just trying to be there for him. He wanted to die at this point, letting you go was something he’d found he never wanted. Maybe he thought that leaving you was a good idea as he was pounding another girl into a cheap motel room bed, but now as he sat there in silence holding on to the one thing you left behind, he wanted nothing but you. 

It had only been 3 weeks and he wanted everything you gave him back. He tried so hard to get his mind off you by sleeping with a different girl every night or drinking the night away, but everything he did reminded him of you. 

One night, he had been drinking like usual, but something in him snapped and before he knew it he was calling your number. 

Hello?” you questioned into the phone. Just hearing your voice made him want to cry.

I want you back.” he said loud and clear in his half drunken state. You didn’t reply for a long time, making him anticipate what was going to happen next.

Taeyong.” he heard the hurt in your voice as you said his name. “Don’t do this, please Tae. Just.. Don’t.

The last words you muttered were enough to rip the rest of his heart out of his chest as you hung up on him. Nothing but white noise to fill the void within him. 

drabble series: b.a.p | fermata

title: fermata
fandom: b.a.p
member: jongup
genre/warning(s): smut, angst
summary: [request] an angst and smut Jongup fic where he and his girl is on the verge of breaking up since they no longer got time for each other and all they do is fight 
a/n: idek anon. it got so real at the end bc my jongup feels just unleashed and i love him so much and sometimes i think he gets misunderstood, but i feel like his love would be so all consuming and comfortable?? like moon jongup is here for the comfortable love and here for you. anyway. it’s not exactly what you requested, but i hope you like it!

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They forgot that having you was a privilege, not their right. Now that you’ve taken yourself from them they’re like an addict, looking for anything to fill the void you left. But nothing will ever satisfy like you did. Let them suffer, you have better things to worry about.

Is it bad to be fat, gay and single?

I’m single, I have been for a lot of my adult life - I have dated, done the one-night things and I have been through all the trials and tribulations of online interactions and dating. 

It’s 2017 now, im 31, 32 later this year…. 

I was attacked on a chaser website last night because daring to put on my online profile the following: 

“ Not really much of a dater anymore, I find being by myself is working for me at this point in my life.”

I then get a psycho analytic breakdown of all the things that could potentially be wrong with me and how “normal people who don’t want relationships” don’t stipulate in their online profiles that… they stay quiet about it. 

It amazes me when people speak to me in this way then don’t expect me to bite back at them…. I then was told I was ugly because I dare stand up for myself. 

I spent a lot of my 20′s wanting a relationship for the sake of having a relationship in order to fill some kind of void… that void had nothing to do with bringing another person into my life it was taking a step back and putting myself forward and giving myself the time I needed to get to know me, look after me and reassess things in my life. 

I am not gonna lie, I have had some great guys come in and out of my life and timing seems to be a factor that has been challenging for me. 

I believe in life you need stability, you need to know to an extent where things are going in your life and that you have a stable job and all the things associated with finding equality. 

I was raised with the view that if I wanted things in life I had to earn them and there is no such thing as a free ride. 

Whilst not everything has gone to plan since I finished my university degree last year the one thing I will say is that I am still committed to putting myself and my health first after having a massive health scare last year. 

I have nearly lost 12 kgs  (26.45lbs) since the beginning of December. 

I am not closed off to the prospect of a relationship but I also shouldn’t be chastised or questioned for being ok with being single. 

I think it shows a lot about yourself when you discover that you’re alright by yourself and that you can be happy and content. 

When I figure out my next move and get my dream job, then I might change my prospects of being in a “proper relationship” until then 2017 will be the year that I get my confidence back… if that means that I lose more weight so be it. 

just a few thoughts…

Some people will cut through the serenity of your soul, the magnificence of your mind, to reach the hollows of your heart, where lies nothing, but a void needed to be filled by someone who loves.
—  real people

Epistemic Status: spitballing

So I know most people outside the left aren’t too fond of the term “Late Capitalism”

And certainly there’s many pundits out there just using the term to paint the economic status quo in a vague negative light.

nonetheless, I feel that when people use the term “late capitalism”, there’s a distinct zeitgeist they’re referring to, and it’s not just the far left using it to mean “the phase before #FULLCOMMUNISM”

it’s more like “the period between the Post-War Boom and the oncoming Cyberpunk Dystopia”, but it’s not quite that either.

I don’t know if this is a legitimate leap of insight or just me unconsciously steelmanning economic left discourse, but I think that a functional definition of “late capitalism” might be “The zeitgeist that emerges when the Protestant Work Ethic struggles to adapt to a world where, thanks to the fall of manufacturing and the rise of the Internet, the definition of ‘work’ keeps getting weirder and weirder.

It’s Gilded Age ruthlessness, but without the twisted grandeur of Dark Satanic Mills or the or the objectivity of heavy industry. Instead, that same ruthlessness paired with the ephemerality and insipidity of the online culture industry.

Or maybe… maybe what it really is is a center-right economic vision paired with NO cultural vision. Tradition and High Culture fall, and economics rushes in to fill the void, but pop culture survives, and with nothing else to compete with, pop culture starts gaining more power and influence than it can handle.

More maizawa headcanons (someone has to do it)

• Even though Hizashi is head over heels for Aizawa, he has no intention whatsoever to ruin their friendship (it is a miracle he managed to form that kind of relationship already) but he gets super nervous everytime he asks Aizawa to hang out. He kind of feels that with those eyes of his, Aizawa could read him if he didn’t pay attention.
One day, Hizashi suggests karaoke and to his surprise it only takes a few minutes to convince the other. “I won’t sing though.” “But that’s the point!” “You can sing…” “Believe me, when we get there you’ll change your mind, buddy!” Too bad Aizawa doesn’t and from the moment Hizashi takes the microphone, all his embarassment fades away and he almost (almost) forgets Aizawa is there with him. “Did you have at least a tiny bit of fun? You didn’t do anything!” “Don’t worry about me.” What Hizashi doesn’t know is that Aizawa secretly enjoys a little too much his singing voice so it was fun.

• Hizashi starts calling Aizawa by his given name after their class is attacked by a shitload of villains and Aizawa protects him, giving the enemy the chance to hurt him. He goes all out and shouts “SHOUTAAAA” activating his quirk and indisposing his opponent enough to give him the time to take Aizawa away.
• Aizawa is injured pretty badly and struggles to stay awake, so Hizashi piggybacks him and gives him his headphones. “Please, Shouta don’t fall asleep I’ll put something on, don’t die on me please, please.” Aizawa tries to speak, but Hizashi tells him not to strain himself, Aizawa complies and wraps (as best as he can) his arms around Hizashi’s neck.
• When they meet after Aizawa has recovered, Hizashi resumes on calling him by his family name ‘cause he doesn’t know if Aizawa heard him in the first place. “Shouta is fine.” “Sorry what?” “You heard me.” And Aizawa had heard him too, fuck shit shit shit he’s going to figure it out. “Then from now on I’m Yamada!” “No way in hell.” “But why???!!!”


GIVE ‘EM LOOOOOVE

anonymous asked:

1776 or Hamilton and why?

I love Hamilton, and I love 1776- but nothing in the entire world will be able to fill such a void in my life that 1776 does. I have so many reasons why I love this musical so much! Besides it being more historically accurate than Hamilton (and lets face it- almost everything is). I mean this musical is older than my father, haha. 

Some of the lines of the show were brought straight from the founding fathers letters! In Is Anybody There? John Adams sings “Through all the gloom, I see the rays of ravishing light and glory!” Here, is quoted a letter that Adams actually wrote to his wife, Abigail, on July 3, 1776. 

I mean- Richard Nixon literally asked for a song to be taken out of the musical. And they just did not give a shit- even if he was the president. 

I’m sorry but William Daniels does the greatest acting ever. His short angry John Adams trying to be so much larger than he is- and then his complete change in character in Is Anybody There?- showing that he is still human but he still has his passion.

 One of the plots of the show is the Jefferson can’t write the declaration of independence because he needs his nut. 

Peter Stone (script and dialogue) said that 1776 was the worst idea was a musical ever- until he listened to the melody on piano. I’m sorry- but the opening number brought him to tears and that warms my heart. Have you guys even heard the opening number? It’s fucking miraculous.

 I love how gay Thomas Jefferson acts and all the subtle innuendos that it gives us- and Richard Henry Lee! I mean- even the antagonists of the show you still love because they give so much character to the show.

I mean- it shows us the founding fathers but unlike Hamilton it doesn’t completely change the personalities of founding fathers to the views of others and it doesn’t romanticize them either. It simply shows the struggle that America went through to gain it’s independence- it doesn’t make us romanticize them or anything- that make us truly believe that they are human with human qualities and they still have all their flaws while still being… important. 

Surprising (Joker x Reader)

Originally posted by th3lostwoods

Originally posted by gothamfox

@mutandis-extremis993 requested: “Can you do an imagine where the joker loves someone who looks completely sane but when someone messes she turns badass and beats them up and can you do it with a Harley incident where she messes with the reader because she’s jealous of her relationship with the joker and the reader just beats her up and the joker watches and is proud of the reader”

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