some nights you just feel so fucking empty,
it doesn’t matter how far you’ve come or
how long it’s been,
your insides just feel hollow,
even if nothing is wrong,
you start to wonder,
i haven’t cried in such a long time but,
isn’t that worse than feeling so numb?
nothing is wrong,
but what is really right?
Okay I’m coming clean with this. I hope this doesn’t cause any upset or hate anons 0_0 But anyway… A friend of mine alerted me to a show that’s gonna be happening in October. They are currently auditioning people to take part and I, being I want to be an actress and/or singer, have signed up to audition. This takes place on 30th July. (I don’t have long haha) Its for a part in a stage production of West Side Story. Thankfully I have the movie and am watching it every day to help with accent/line/song perfecting. I’m going for the part of Anita and well, I’m hoping that if I don’t get it then its due to fluffing lines rather than my appearance. (I’m good at learning lines but not great) But see, the thing is I look nothing like the part? 0_0 Anita: Black hair - brown eyes - Tanned skin complexion Me: Red and mousy hair (was dyed red but is growing out) - blue eyes (I can try to get brown contacts though) - pale skin complexion I can do the accent (I can do a few accents. None are the most perfect but they’re pretty good) But I’m worried that my appearance might be one of the things against me. On the other hand if I do get the part then it will mean I won’t be on as much due to rehearsing. And if I don’t get this part I may be cast as another lesser known part so either way I won’t be on as much. If I don’t get any part of this than I guess continue as I am XD Which isn’t so bad but I’m just well, feeling sort of nervous about it….
“Lucy, I just can’t believe he did that!” You fumed, pacing around your friend’s room. Lucy sighed. You and Edmund had been in a rough patch recently, and it seemed like everything he did made you angry.
“I don’t think he meant…whatever he said.” She assured you, trying to sound comforting. You shook your head and brushed her off. Lucy just tried to comfort you even more. “Y/n, I’m serious. You know Edmund loves you.” At That, you let out an annoyed huff. You flopped onto Lucy’s bed and buried your face in her pillow.
“It just feels like nothing has been going right in our relationship lately, Luce. I don’t know what to do!” You felt the mattress sink next to you as Lucy sat down. “Y/n, can I tell you something?” You lifted your head slightly.
“Ever since you and my brother got together, Edmund has been happier than I’ve ever seen him before. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he didn’t used to smile so much, Y/n. You’ve changed him.”
You raised an eyebrow, encouraging her to continue. “Well, I guess all I’m saying is…your relationship is special. Neither of you should take that for granted.”
“But I think I have.”
Both you and Lucy jumped as you heard Edmund’s voice from outside the door. Lucy gave you a ‘I better go’ look and as Edmund opened the door, she scurried out. You bit your lip and sat up to face Edmund.
For a minute, there was complete silence as your boyfriend stood in the doorway, looking at the floorboards. “I’m sorry.” You said quietly. “I’m sorry too.” He replied, cautiously walking over to sit next to you.
“Is that true? I mean, what Lucy said?” You asked, looking him in the eye. Edmund hesitated for a second. Then, his lips curled into a small smile. “Yeah.” He turned his head to face you. “I don’t like it when we fight.” He said softly. “I don’t either.” You agreed.
You and Edmund looked at each other for a second, taking in the other’s features. There was a small pause before he slowly leaned in to kiss you. Your lips brushed against each other very delicately as your eyes fluttered shut. You broke apart slowly, but your eyes remained closed.
Once you opened them again, Edmund had moved closer to you and placed your head on his chest. You listened to his heart beat for a second before looking up at his smiling face.
You had forgotten about Lucy. But you’d deal with her later. Even if it was her room. “I think a thank-you is in order?” She said loudly from the hallway. Edmund chuckled softly and kissed your cheek as he shouted a “Thanks Lu.” to his sister. You didn’t like to fight with Edmund. But you liked making up.
~I don’t really know how I feel about this one, so tell me what you think. If you guys have any requests for imagines involving Narnia, send them to me so I can start writing something new. Thanks again for everything, guys!~
♩ - A song that makes me think of my muse. The Brothers Blight - Blood on my name “There’s a reckonin’ a comin’, and it burns beyond the grave. Lead inside my belly, ‘cause my soul has lost it’s way. Oh Lazarus, how did your debts get paid?”
♭ - A song that reminds my muse of yours. Within Temptations - Stand my Ground “I can see, when you stay low nothing happens. Does it feel right? Late at night, things I thought I put behind me cross my mind.”
I don’t know why I write poetry anymore. I used to write because it felt right, but lately… nothing feels normal. I’m almost certain that my words… they’re not poetry. I once read that the only way to write poetry is to be honest… and honestly? I no longer write metaphors, I no longer write poems. I have been writing letters, but I have no idea where to send them, or who I should send them to. Every day conversations start to sound the same. I don’t know why you care if I’m okay. I mean do you really mean it? Let’s just cut off these pleasantries. Ask me if my soul is full today. Don’t ask me if I’m okay. Ask my eyes if they have cried lately. Do you ever just get so sad right out of the blue?
I’ve been feeling so upset lately. Nothing has been going right. Field hockey preseason started, and I’m a goalie, and I’m just not playing as well as I expect myself to. I’m falling behind, and not blocking as much as I should.
Plus, a couple of weeks ago, my friends had a going away party for one of my friends who is entering a foreign exchange student program and going to turkey for a year. I love her so much, but she sent me a link to her blog to stay in touch and not an invitation to her party??? I’m so upset, and now she’s in Turkey, and I feel so alone and worthless.
Also, one of my closest friends left for college last week. I’m so upset that he’s gone. I used to really hate myself and him and the rest of my school drama club built up my confidence and made me realize that I’m actually worth something. I text and talk to him on the phone all the time and he gives me the best advice and always stops whatever he is doing to help me or give me a hug. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. And I don’t want to text him because I don’t want to annoy him while he’s out having fun at college. But I don’t want to be forgotten. He’s one of the best friends I’ve ever had.
And now I’m sitting alone in my basement because all of my friends are in marching band and I’m in field hockey and they’re always out hanging out together while I’m at home. There are only four friends I can think of who have bothered to talk to me since it started. I feel so alone and hopeless and sad and I don’t know what to do. I hope you’re having a better month than I am. I love you.
It was the summer I spent chasing sunburns,
Because I grew addicted to the feeling of shedding my own skin.
Have you ever felt like your own layers were two sizes too small?
Like one day you woke up, and nothing fit right anymore.
Lately, my skin and lungs just feel too tight.
I have no idea how else to explain it.
If I’m a puzzle,
I’d like to rearrange my pieces.
Do you ever feel down or lost? Or have those days when nothing seems to go right? I've been feeling so down lately.. Just crying for no reason and feeling really lost in what I want to do with my life. Do you have any suggestions on what to do?
I flew home last night, didn’t eat dinner, my computer stopped working/had a meltdown, studied all night so went to bed at 2am, woke up at 6am, went to school from 11-9pm and had midterms all day and was tweaked out on coffee which normally has no affect on me for most of the day. During one of my breaks I called my mom because I was feeling really anxious and she told me what she always tells me, “Greta, nothings going to kill you.”
And now I’m laying in my comfy bed thinking how true that is. No hard times, no bad day, no too much coffee anxiety, no 5 hour long classes, or 2 hour long midterms are going to kill me. And they won’t kill you, either. Sometimes when I’m having a really bad day, I kinda laugh and think, “what are you doing up there God?”
and then I go to sleep. Because tomorrow is a new day.