nothing can satisfy

let dan and phil make money without complaining 2k17

you don’t even realize you’re shaking until you start dropping things
you can’t get a grip on anything
your body trembles with want, with need
you clench your fists, try to ignore it
grit your teeth, try to fight through the pain
you want you want you want
you need
it’s a craving that nothing can satisfy
you try to sleep it off
drink coffee until you can’t stand the taste
chew gum or sunflower seeds or your own nails
nothing suffices
you go for a walk but everything you see somehow brings you back to what you’re trying to avoid
you don’t want to go home because every inch of home is polluted
it’s a type of mold only you can see
it’s growing in your walls, seeping through tiles and cracks in the foundation
it lingers above your head when you try to sleep
no one else knows what you’re talking about
they think your house is immaculate
they think you’re immaculate
they don’t see the way you’re grinding your teeth into nothing but dust
they don’t see the blunt indentations in your palms from what’s left of your fingernails
they don’t see the way your bones are aching and no amount of medicine can take the pain away
they don’t see the sleepless nights
they don’t see the four am breakdowns on the bathroom floor
they don’t see how all you want is to just give in
they don’t see any of that
they just say how proud they are of you for lasting this long
and to keep going
but what are you supposed to keep going towards?  where’s the finish line?
and what exactly is the prize?
somehow that doesn’t seem like enough of an incentive

it’s as if there’s a little devil sitting on your shoulder, egging you on
and some days
the angel is nowhere to be found
—  fuzzychaosdinosaur said: Hey, um i was wondering if you could write a poem abut the addiction. but like dont specify what type of addiction.
(cc, 2017)
How to Save the MIDDLE of Your Story

Here’s a comforting hug for any writer who’s had to suffer the pain of knowing the middle of your story is dragging.

If I’m going to use a hug gif, I’m using this one. 

For a writer, is there any experience worse than writing the middle of a story? Unless it’s knowing that the middle is dragging? Knowing it, yet not knowing how to fix it? This is the epitome of writer despair for me, so I’m guessing there are other people like me.

But after a while, you have to stop wasting time on writer tears, and start figuring out what to do to fix that dragging middle. So you ask yourself: “Why is it boring?” Then you ask yourself: “What’s the opposite of boring?” Then you answer yourself: “Action.” (Maybe only my train of thought takes that route …)

Yup, action. What is your main character DOING in the middle?

Main characters take a lot of actions to achieve their goals. And they take the majority of those actions in the middle of the story, the part that can either feel like riding a roller coaster, or feel like driving a golf cart through a peanut butter river. How do you keep readers from feeling like they’re stuck in the contents of a Reese’s cup?

Identify the MAIN ACTION of your story, and make sure it’s darn enjoyable. 

So what IS the Main Action? To identify it, locate the goal of the story. Like these:

Star Wars = Save Princess Leia. 

Hamilton = Be an integral part of the founding of a nation. 

Harry Potter = Defeat one of the most powerful wizards of all time.

Ratatouille = Become a great French chef. 

When you think about it, all main characters are like Disney princesses with “I Want” songs. 

Then after you’ve identified what they WANT,  figure out what that main character DOES to achieve that goal. For example:

Star Wars = He learns and uses the skills of a Jedi.

Hamilton = He writes and he fights.

Harry Potter = He goes to school to become a wizard.

Ratatouille = He goes to work at Gusteau’s (by using a human puppet) and works his way up through the ranks.

You need to figure out the lovely catch-all term that encapsulates ALL of your hero’s actions throughout the plot. Yeah, they’re going to take A LOT of actions, but every one of them is going to be a part of this wide overarching BIG action. It’s not enough to just figure out the goal, then figure out the obvious strategy a person would take to reach that goal, then call it a day. These work for two distinct reasons. 

Reason One: These actions are IRONIC. 

If the Jedi council were holding auditions for new little Padawan’s, there’s a good chance this guy wouldn’t have gotten a callback:

In the beginning, Luke’s whiney, naive, kind of annoying, and a bunch of other adjectives you could apply to an obnoxious nine-year-old.

When it comes to Hamilton, honestly, at first glance he looks perfectly suited to the main action of “fighting and writing”; those are two of his greatest strengths. That is until you realize that he has zero self-restraint, impulse control, and pushes ALL of his strengths to such extremes they inevitably ruin his life and the lives of others. So, nah this action ISN’T actually perfect for him.

In the beginning of the story, Harry is completely ruled by his abusive Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin: he lives in a pest-infested closet, wears glasses held together with tape and a prayer, and a good day to him is not getting beaten up by Dudley’s gang. In other words, he is utterly powerless. 

And Remy … Remy’s a rat. Rat, plus food. Rat putting his little rat feet on food. 

Or in other words: Irony! The heroes are NOT SUITED to perform these actions. In fact, they’re the exact opposite of what would be easy for them to accomplish. And if the main action is exactly what they’re not suited to do, that action will apply pressure to their weaknesses. And what does pressure do to weaknesses? Forces you to confront and overcome them. Which makes things interesting. Which makes readers and audiences curious. Which are essentials to a good story.

And what’s the second reason these work? 

These main actions are fun. The main action – or the middle of your story – is also the fun and games of the thing. This is why we picked up the book! This is why we spent 14 dollars for a movie ticket! This is the stuff they put in the trailer! Which means it has to be fun. Fascinating. An answer to a longing that this world just can’t meet. Think of this C. S. Lewis quote: “If we find within ourselves a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” You’re a writer, you can CREATE other worlds. Do a good job.

So! To figure out the main action of your story, that will make or break the middle of your story, answer these questions:

1) What catch-all term can encapsulate all the actions my hero must take to achieve their goal? 

2) How is that action IRONIC? How is it exactly what my hero is NOT cut out for?

3) How is that main action FUN? Fascinating? Satisfying because none (or few) of us will ever get to experience it?

She is Death

WidowReaper Week: Day 4 — Role Reversal


That’s all she can have.


The only emotion that makes her wake.


By the ones who claim to be heroes.


Of dying, of becoming darkness.


That is all her limbs and bones are now.


She is death.

The fight at the headquarters, when she argued with Ana and everything fell apart. Her body and atoms. A ghost. Death was not kind enough to only take her, but to make her one of it’s creators.

Jack. Ana. All of them. They let him die. They let Gerard get murdered. They didn’t care. They never did.

He understands this most of all. He knows what she was and what she’s become. He knows that nothing can bring Gerard back. Nothing can satisfy the revenge and hatred in her soul.

But killing the remaining Overwatch agents will be all she can take.

He’s agreed to help her. With his cold beauty and sharp face, he’s almost emotionless, Except for that hint of humanity in the glint of his dark eyes. The rare glimpses that only she sees when they touch fingertips in the dark.

The Widowmaker, they call him. Silent and controlled. His sniper and his hands deadly. The perfect killing machine. Her companion. With skin so black it’s nearly blue from the reconditioning, he looks unreal. Beautiful, and terrifying. His eyes only lighten on her decaying form.

Skin white as bone, with wisps of gray smoke detaching from her scarred body. Her form never steady and always withering in its only agony. The constant rebuilding and tearing down, the killing of her but keeping her alive. The black hood and red eyes that mark her as the reaper.

She is death.

And he is ice and bullets. Cold, but wanting of her warmth. He speaks her name, calling her mi amor. Soft Spanish falls from his lips only for her.

They stand, hand in hand, as they kill. Reaping the gallows. Taking souls. He is her light, and she is his soul.

Death greets the killer, and he kisses her back.

The New Routine (Min Min❤️Bong Bong Version)

Minhyuk shook in his half asleep state, hands reaching to pull Bongsoon close to him. But he wouldn’t find her, as she was dealing with her new excruciating morning routine in the bathroom.

It was her three months and those annoying pregnancy signs people talk about were starting to appear. It was one thing to throw up relentlessly, but every morning? Not a good thing to start your day.

“See, it got worse,” Minhyuk said while rubbing his sleepy eyes as soon as he reached the bathroom door, “we should’ve gone to the hospital yesterday.”

“It was the same, Minhyuk-ah,” she said taking a break from puking to the toilet bowl, “and by the way it is normal.”

Soon that horrible nausea stroke again and she immediately faced with the toilet bowl.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled with his hands already grabbing her hair away from her face. She could sense his somber expression through his low sigh.

“And why were you apologizing?” She threw a quick glare at him after another nausea attack, then went to the sink to brush her teeth clean. She surely knew the smell of throwing up your last night dinner.

“You were sick and I can’t do anything.” He said leaning to the bathroom door with still another somber expression which now slowly turning into her too-familiar Min Min’s pout.

“You think that was your fault?” She said after finishing the teeth brushing routine, secretly smiling to herself. He’s always a sweetheart, she thought.

“Well, the baby is ours,” he answered, almost looking down sadly.

“So, you’re blaming the little peanut?” She mentioned their little nickname for the baby while reaching to mess his bed hair out of adornment.

“No, it’s just that,” he turned to look at her; she was grinning over how silly her hubby was.

“I’m fine, Min Min” she stated while reaching to cup his cheeks, “you don’t have to apologize over anything.”

With that she released her hand from his cheeks and went straight to the kitchen. Thinking of making some breakfast to start the day.

As she was looking through the kitchen cupboard, he suddenly had his chin on her shoulder, leaning in.

“You must be really sick when I was away working.”

“Ya! How many times should I told you that I’m fine,” she turned back to face him with another glare.

“How about you make me your kimchi fried rice, would that make you feel better?” She faked a pout while touching his hair again. She just love playing with his brownish bed hair, she sure does love her beagle prince.

“But Bongsoon-ah, you know how the last time went, I don’t think it will make you feel better.” He said while carefully caressing her still-flat stomach.

“Well, managed not put too much sugar on it!” She giggled trying to escape his hands that caged her to the kitchen counter.

“I’m sorry, really,” he grabbed her hand, his tone and expressions turned serious. He was seriously felt bad and worried. Bongsoon knew this Minhyuk too well; he must be blaming himself and there it is, the overly worried Minhyuk.

“Okay, how about this,” she said while squishing his arm, so he looked at her more.
“Here,” she said with her index finger pointing at her own lips. 

“No one wants to kiss someone who just threw up her whole dinner,” she smiled playfully, waiting for his response. She thought she had found a solution to this pouty puppy.

“That was easy!” The pout instantly turned into a playful smirk she knew too too well. He immediately cupped her cheeks then kissed her plum lips. Soon he was starting to plant kisses on every part of of her face which made her giggled and tickled.

“Minhyuk-ah! This is you trying to eat me!”

“Yes, last night dinner we had chicken, I love chicken!”

“Ew, you’re gross!”
And with that she forgot about how awful the first half of the morning was. 


Wow, thank you for those who subscribed (300❤️)!! So happy actually~ For this I just made slight changes from the ‘Hyungsik Version’ which really nothing, but hopefully can satisfy the longing for Bong Bong&Min Min couple.. because I suffer a really bad one, I wish the drama was 100 episodes at least:“(

Hope you like it, and feedbacks & comments are ❤️❤️! Will try to finish Sam Make Jong scenarios diligently, and probably will post more Minhyuk scenarios? 😊

Originally posted by kookjunsu

Where I’d Rather Be

It’s probably been this way for a long time and I’m only just now catching on, but it seems every time I check social media I see at least a few posts showing pictures of places someone would rather be, or tweets lamenting over something similar. It’s generally a complaint about what’s going on currently, or a desire to be somewhere they’ve been before or will be.

And to be honest, that’s my heart all the time. I’ve always been the kind of person to dream ahead- Looking beyond today to attempt to to plan for and control tomorrow. These simple social media posts show roots growing in my heart- Roots that whisper “Almost, but not yet” every day of my life.

I’m not shaming these kinds of posts all together. It’s nearly impossible to stop looking forward to something good that’s coming, and maybe not even something we should try to stop doing. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging hope in our future and being excited about it. Things go haywire in our soul when we stop hoping and celebrating the little moments of today.

You can picture it as easily as I can. One day you’re in high school desperately wishing to get out and be in college. Then you’re in college, sick of studying, and eager to get to your dream job. Then you’ve got the dream job but it’s still not enough, so you hope for a raise or something of the sort. You’re desperate for marriage but then once you’re married you want kids. But then you can’t wait for the kids to grow up to that age or this age when it’ll be easier and before you know it, you’ve wished away every simple moment of every simple day. Aren’t we the people that count down the days till it’s Friday? Aren’t we the people that wait for something more, only to be disappointed when that something finally arrives? This kind of mentality is an epidemic. A disease taking hold of what’s good in our lives and whispering, “But it could be better.

“Teach us to number our days,
that we may present to you a heart of wisdom.” 
-Psalm 90:12

The Bible affirms that our life is fleeting- a vapor! Psalm 144 says our days are a fleeting shadow. What would it look like if we slowed down to taste and savor today? On sorrowful or frustrating days, that we don’t immediately block what we’re feeling but give ourselves the freedom to feel what the day is holding. On exciting and joyful days, that we appreciate it. And honestly, if your days look anything like mine, usually that sorrow and joy happens within the course of 24 hours anyway.

Maybe some will read this and think, “Geez, it’s just a social media post, calm down woman.” And maybe they’re right. For me, it’s the heart behind the post. What is driving our culture to be on the ever-constant search for contentment? Why is now never enough?

“Do return, O Lord; how long will it be?
And be sorry for Your servants.
O satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness,
That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.” 
-Psalm 90:13-14

C.S. Lewis once said, “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” There is a reason why nothing in this world can truly satisfy our longing hearts. It’s because the hole we cannot fill ourselves with longer vacations, relationships, or a better paying job was meant to be filled with the One who created this world in the first place. Who created the longing in our hearts in the first place. Maybe our desires should change from what’s coming in our tomorrows to a God who can “satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness.”

The next time you catch your heart drifting into the daydream of sweeter and better tomorrows… Pause and remind yourself. Knowing Christ is the sweet and better gift. And He has given you today- Just today, for now, to cherish.

criesandamens ♥’d for a starter !

         "listen, it’s none of my business, but you’re being followed. i noticed a block away and’ve been walking with both of you from across the street. i can walk with you until you get somewhere a little more— crowded.“

Day 9/30: Your Love Story

…Many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction…their mind is set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven…we eagerly await a Savior from there..who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. - Phil. 3:18-21 (NIV)

1. Your love story should involve someone who is desiring the same things in the areas that matter the most
If you’re single and seeking to live a life that brings glory to God and the guy you’re talking to is only interested in earthly things, the two of you are not headed in the same direction. Yes, there might be physical attraction but it has to go so much deeper than that. You have to see eye to eye on the most important things. The reason why this is important is because in every relationship, there will be disagreements. You might want to live in one part of town and he wants to live in another. You might want your kids in private school and he wants them in public school. But when your relationship is grounded in the areas that matter the most, these issues won’t break the relationship, because you’ll both know in your hearts that Jesus’ love was sacrificial, and that is the example. So as you work through these issues as a couple, you’ll both know that even when these things come up, you’re still headed in the same direction, and earthy things can’t break that!

2. Let your love story be transformed by Jesus
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you are not alone in what you’re dealing with right now when it comes to who you have feelings for, who you care about, etc. Jesus wants to come into your heart right now and fill that void that you might feel sometimes when you see pictures of cute couples, or when you’re just tired of feeling alone. Don’t let your love story be about always trying to find someone to fill the emptiness or to heal your broken heart. Let Jesus fill the void and let Him be the one who makes you feel complete. There is nothing on earth that can satisfy you like He can, so let His love come first!

Further reading: Phil. 3:1-14


“Beyond myself, somewhere, I wait for my arrival.”  -Octavio Paz


“What knowledge haunts each body, what history, what phantom ache?” -Natasha Tretheway


“That crazed girl improvising her music. Her poetry, dancing upon the shore, Her soul in division from itself Climbing, falling She knew not where -William Butler Yeats


“Only do not forget, if I wake up crying it’s only because in my dream I’m a lost child hunting through the leaves of the night for your hands.”   -Pablo Neruda


“But I don’t want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.” -Aldous Huxley


“It is said that each time we embrace someone warmly, we gain an extra day of life. So please embrace me now.”  -Paulo Coehlo


“I will take the sun in my mouth and leap into the ripe air Alive with closed eyes to dash against darkness”   -e.e. cummings


“I am all in a sea of wonders. I doubt; I fear; I think strange things, which I dare not confess to my own soul.”  -Bram Stoker


“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”  - C.S. Lewis


“I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it – to be fed so much love I couldn’t take any more. Just once. ” -Haruki Murakami


“There was a star riding through clouds one night, & I said to the star, ‘Consume me’.” -Virginia Woolf  


“Let the mind beware, that though the flesh be bugged, the circumstances of existence are pretty glorious.”  -Jack Kerouac