notgivinguponlife

LAST NIGHT…

Last night I took a whole bottle of Vicodin and a couple of sleeping pills with some alcohol. I wrote all my goodbye letters to every person I love. I was ready to just die. I texted my boyfriend saying I loved him and that I was sorry I had to go, but to always remember I cared for him.. He immediately started calling me; leaving me voicemails; convincing me too stay. he kept telling me what I meant to him.. I called him back and told him I couldnt do it anymore and he began to cry telling me to throw up the pills *by this time my body was slowly numbing I began to bleed from my nose. I kept telling him it was too late. I could hear the pain in his voice. I remember him telling me to wait for him that he was coming for me to just hold on for him. By this time I was becoming really weak. I blacked out;when I regained consciousness I was in the bathroom I felt someone next to me helping me puke,but no one was their. I honestly felt a presence in their i wasn’t scared it felt like I knew this person idk I just felt safe. I then heard the door; idk how I managed to gain strength to get up but I did it was him. I couldn’t distinguish if I was dead seeing him or if he was really their. He told me I kept saying that I was sorry I left him that I was sorry he found me dead. I guess i really was gone to not realize I was still breathing.He made sure I puked all the rest of the pills. He stayed with me that whole night to make sure I was safe. I always doubted how much he actually loved me but who would drive from San Bernardino to Pasadena if they didn’t care. The distance didn’t stop him from coming to help me. Seeing him cry and hurt the way he did made me see that his the person I’ve been looking for.i love him so much;from this day forward I will maintain a positive outlook towards my future. Ive been given a second chance I’m not giving up on life. I will recover for myself and for very other person who believes in me. Everyday will be a new day!

On march 30 I attempted suicide.. I wrote my goodbye letters to a couple of people.. I was just ready to end my life.. I took pills and mixed it with alcohol.. Today I was cleaning my room and I found those letters.. I decided to rip them;why you may ask, because Im not giving up on life. I will recover!