notes of a crocodile

The first time I saw you, I knew I would fall in love with you. That my love would be wild, raging, and passionate, but also illicit. That it could never develop into anything, and instead, it would split apart like pieces of a landslide. As flesh and blood, I was not distinct. You turned the me that opened up into my own key, and when you did, my fears seized me in a flood of tears that soon vanished. I rid myself of all my self-hate and discovered the corporeal me.
—  Qiu Miaojin
Notes of a Crocodile by Qiu Miaojin

 It dawned on me one day, as if I were writing my own name for the very first time: cruelty and mercy are in fact one and the same. Existence in this world relegates good and evil to the exact same status. Cruelty and evil are but natural, and together they are endowed with half the power and half the utility in this world. As for the cruelty of fate, it seems, I have to learn to be crueler if I’m to become the master of the situation.

Wielding the axe of cruelty against life, against myself, against others. It’s a rule that conforms to animal instinct, ethics, aesthetics, metaphysics–and is the axis of all four. And the comma that punctuated being 22.

((MOD NOTE: HAPPY OCTOBER EVERYONE. This month, I’ll sometimes have Crocodile in a different costume for each ask. Feel free to suggest costumes in his inbox. <3

Another reason to celebrate: this blog is almost back to its original follower count (aka before the blog move)! So thanks for your support! 

You may have noticed that my updates have been less regular. I’ve just started a research job in addition to my contracted writing job and I just moved to a new city. I’ve been *crazy* tired this week, but hopefully I’ll get into the groove of things soon. The RP blog has been really slow, bc most of the time I’m too tired to make anything creative and I wanna do my partners the justice of a quality reply.

Okay, I’m rambling now, so anyway happy October!))

thoughts on ep 20

@miraculoushawkdaddy, thank you so much for making the most truly, truly, truly, truly outrageous episode of miraculous ladybug I have ever seen

I know each week I’m like “this is my new favorite episode!!1!” but honestly I think one is going to stick around in my top five for a long time both for the sheer hilarity and amazing visuals. Paris was on POINT today- and we got both day and night visuals and it was just lovely.

Guitar Villain took everything that’s fun about this show and stretched it to the max- it really felt like an homage to classic cartoon tropes from the 60s to the 80s (the slapstick with Chat Noir, the SUPER DRAMATIC speeches (like, even for Hawk Moth, this was far campier and more theatrical than usual, like “your formidable crocodile, “the requiem of your defeat”, “DISSONANT NOTES” I mean honestly), the whole musical rivals, Chloe being super Extra™, all of it was just so much damn fun!   

Like I love Jagged Stone and his atrocious French accent (I mean, I’m American, so if I tried speaking French I’d probably sound like him) but just the whole way he talks, his ego, the whole “I’M NOT RECORDING WITH THAT DIAPER BABY” thing, everything about Fang, tossing the broken tablet for him to eat, it’s all so funny and I honestly had to stop every three seconds at the beginning of the episode because I was laughing so hard. And the whole XY thing was so clearly a reference to Justin Bieber and it was hilarioussss

And like, did you guys even notice that as Guitar Villain, he never, not once, even tried to take the Miraculouses?? And when he wasn’t turning people into rock fans he was 100% focused on throwing XY off the Eiffel Tower bc he’s a little shit, and I love it!!

THEY BROKE THE AKUMA BY DROPPING XY’S PATHETIC ASS ON THE GUITAR if that’s not the best way i’ve ever seen an akuma revealed i don’t know what is

Also, I never thought that anyone could come up with a nickname for Adrien that I wouldn’t like, but “Adrienchou” is just terrible lmaoooo. I considered adding “mon petit chou” to my repertoire of nicknames Ladybug has for Chat Noir, but noppppeeee not anymore.

But still, Chloe’s over the top behavior was all worth it JUST for that visual of Adrien picking her up and putting her in that elevator and I’m still laughing just thinking about it.

The Ladynoir was like at 100000% today, riding a dragon together, all the shoulder touching, that wonderful look on Chat Noir’s face as he whispers “You’re amazing” (never getting over that line btw), and RIDING ON A DRAGON TOGETHER???? BLESSSSS

I’m just so weak for this power couple please continue to bless me with ladynoir goodness forever tbh



Marinette’s family continues to be the best, and I’m so proud of our girl for being so amazing! Simply the best tbh

And finally, shy!socially awkward! fanboy! Adrien coming up to Marinette and asking for an autograph, going “Wow! Cool!” and then just rushing away…this is everything I ever wanted. Someone has a cruuuushhhh~!

Oh, how the tables have turned, and I love it :’)


Emma is facing away from him. Her long hair hanging down her back in wild knots. He reaches for her and she disappears.

“Emma!” He screams. 

She’s laughing now. Laughing at him. “How pathetic! The pirate is screaming for a love who is long gone.”

“Emma, no. Please come back to me,” he begs.

“Come back? I never was yours in the first place,” she hisses. “You will never win, pirate.” She appears in front of him. Her skin is glistening and her eyes are as black as night. 

“Emma,” his voice breaks as he falls to his knees. “Come back.”

“It is funny how you came all this way just to fail. Oh, yes, I’ve heard the stories. The stories of the man who traveled across worlds to find the woman he loved. Never stopping, never resting,” she laughs maliciously. “Well, Killian. Now that you’ve found her; what do you think of her?” 

The knife he’s holding in his hand falls to the ground.

“You are at my mercy. Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you,” she hisses.

Tears are running hot down his cheeks. “Don’t you remember?”

“Stop trying, Killian,” she takes a step towards him. “You will never get her back.” 

“Fine,” he blankly states. “Then do me a favor and kill me.”

“It’s about time,” she stretches out her hand and he prepares to welcome death.

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