notebook lyrics

• i just want to feel attractive today • motion city soundtrack

anonymous asked:

I just wanted to say your writing is absolutely amazing and I just djdjdjsosnsijsjsjs CX I love. Also, if this hasn't been done already, may I request a friends to lovers au for vernon? Please and thank you (∩_∩)

seungkwan (here) |  dino (here) |  jeonghan (here) | hoshi (here) |  jun (here) |
seokmin (here) |  wonwoo (here) |  joshua (here) |  woozi (here) |  s.coups (here)
minghao (here) | mingyu (here)

  • you and vernon have always had,,,,a simple friendship
  • people were kind of rude to the two of you as kids because you were both the quiet type,,,,,which is why it was comfortable for you two to hang out
  • sitting in your living room watching movies with popcorn and not saying a word,,,,,sometimes your parents thought that was weird but you and vernon didn’t need,,,,,to say much to know that you were friends
  • and good friends at that because even when you guys got older,,,nothing changed 
  • you didn’t feel weird sitting at the top of vernon’s roof, laptop propped up on your textbooks playing some classic film while you tried to catch up on homework and vernon aimlessly wrote away in his book
  • the only thing that was new was your new found sarcasm ,,, the way you and vernon could shoot sly comebacks at one other was something you didn’t have before
  • “get your legs off my side of the blanket dumbass”
  • “why’d you spread out your blanket if you didn’t want me to put my legs on it mcgenius”
  • really it could seem harsh to anyone else,,,but you and vernon knew how to take silly nicknames and obvious statements of mockery with a grain of salt
  • which is why when vernon first told you about becoming an musician you’d brushed it off with a “go ahead hansol beethoven” but,,,,,,you quickly came to realize he was serious
  • with notebooks full of lyrics threatening to pile and fall off his desk,,,,his new friends in the music scene from a producer named jihoon to a boy who dreamed of being a vocalist, seungkwan
  • and sure you were happy for him,,,,,that he was finally finding himself in the world,,,,but you couldn’t help but be worried
  • music,,,,didn’t always guarantee a stable future
  • which isn’t exactly what vernon wanted to hear when he came to you with an idea for is first mixtape
  • and it wasn’t supposed to be a  fight,,,,,,but it was,,,,,,,,and you’d left telling vernon that if he failed you wouldn’t be there to tell him you told him so
  • and vernon had said something like you didn’t have to be there at all
  • and it felt,,,,when you got home,,,,,that those years of being the only two people in the world who understood each other
  • had vanished
  • and you and vernon were speaking completely different languages
  • looking at your phone everyday,,,the texts from other friends and family but vernon’s left on seen
  • passing by your favorite pizza place with him
  • having people ask how he was,,,,,,,it all felt so weird
  • until half a year had passed and you hadn’t talked 
  • not until a friend sent you a link to a soundcloud,,,,the familiar name ‘vernon’ popping up and the cover of his mixtape playing on your phone
  • and the songs were,,,,,amazing,,,,,no doubt vernon was talented but one song,,,,,,,,stood out
  • titled ‘i didn’t want to let go’ you listened to the lyrics,,,,the description of the two kids meeting in school - them against the world - quietly holding hands and watching the movie on the screen in comfortable, perfect silence
  • and then the fight,,,,,the mean words,,,,,the feeling of being abandoned by the one person in the world that you,,,,,,,,,love
  • and then you hear it,,,,, ‘i don’t want to let go, come back’ and you jerk in shock when you feel the tears run down your cheeks
  • because this is what you felt,,,,,,that fight,,,,,,,,,,it wasnt just friends fighting it was more,,,,,
  • you’d loved vernon for a long time,,,in a way deeper than friendship and now you were listening to his voice telling you the same thing
  • and it was already well past midnight outside,,,,but the warm summer weather made it possible for you to run,,,,,run with your phone pressed to your ear
  • vernon’s sleepy voice on the other end asking who it was
  • but when he heard you,,,,,,you could literally see him bolting upright in bed
  • telling you he’ll be there in five minutes
  • and then the two of you,,,,standing on the bridge between your neighborhoods under the street lights with cars passing by 
  • but only you,,,,with messy hair and home clothes on,,,,vernon there too,,,,,,sweatpants and a loose tank top
  • and looking at each other,,,,after half a year had passed,,,,and finally saying “im sorry” for that stupid fight
  • but that wasnt enough and before you could even tell vernon you’d heard his songs you pulled him in 
  • arms around his neck and pressing your lips to his in a kiss that sends electricity down both your spines
  • but vernon’s shaky hands closing in around your waist,,,,,,,perfectly,,,,,,,because it’d been a long time coming
  • till the perfect best friends became something much more
  • and whispering into vernon’s neck you ask him if that song is really about you
  • and vernon confesses, shyly with his face in your hair that every song he’s written,,,,,,,every song about love and pain and wanting something has been about you
  • the person who inspires him,,,,his muse,,,,,,,,and you cling to him a little tighter and promise that you’ll support him no matter what
  • and you guys both hesitate to say it,,,but there in the night you say your first “i love you”’s 
2

Louis Tomlinson, Bebe Rexha, Back To You and some mountains

You got me so addicted to the drama
I tell myself I’m done with wicked games
But then I get so numb with all the laughter
That I forget about the pain

Cracks || BTS Suga

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 1340

Part 2 

You tried to understand that your boyfriend was busy being in an idol group and all. Tours, recordings, music broadcasts, and promotions were tiring. Therefore, you always tried to stay out of his way and cope with the loneliness. It was hard, but you didn’t want to be in his way. You saw your friends more than your own boyfriend. You envied them. Their boyfriends were always texting them or there for them. Yoongi, on the other hand, was always busy. Even when your grandmother passed away, he wasn’t there to comfort you. You never told him. It was hard for you, but you tried to always put on a strong front and smile in front of Yoongi. You didn’t want to be a burden to him.

You don’t know where it went wrong. He was so caring and affectionate toward you in the beginning. After 3 years of dating, however, he stopped texting you every morning, afternoon, and night. Soon, the texts disappeared and so did Yoongi. He stayed at the dorm all the time now. You haven’t seen him for months and he didn’t bother to text or call you.

“You need to be selfish for once noona.”

You were hanging out with Bangtan’s maknae line and Jimin was starting to worry about your relationship with his hyung. You brought lunch over for them knowing they would probably skip it, like always. They were too engrossed in practice to know that their bodies were starving.

“Yeah, Jimin is right. We’ve never seen Yoongi hyung act affectionate with you. You’re always texting us to check up on hyung. That’s not right.”

You thought Jimin and Taehyung were right, but you just couldn’t. You knew if this kept going, one of you will start to fall out of love. This relationship would become toxic.

“Why don’t you go and take the lunches to the hyungs. We’ll continue to practice after eating.”

“Okay Kookie. Remember to rest before going back to practice. You’ll get stomach cramps.”

They nodded and you left to find the other 4. You found them all in the recording studio talking and laughing. Hoseok was the first to jump up and hug you.

“(Y/N) noona!”

He hugged you and you laughed. You were always close to Hobi cause you and him were closest in age.

“Hey Hobi! Hey Namjoon, Seokjin oppa.”

They all hugged you, except for your own boyfriend. You were kind of disappointed, but you quickly got rid of the disappointment in your eyes and held out the lunches you had made for the boys.

“I know you guys would probably skip lunch like always, so I bought you guys something to eat. It may not be as good as Seokjin oppa’s, but it’s edible. The other 3 already tried it.”

“Ey, your food is delicious. But you know, if you need any help with anything, I’m here to help!”

“Thank you oppa.”

Everyone except Yoongi grabbed a lunch box from the bag. The other 3 quickly sensed the tension between the 2 of you and left the 2 of you to talk. You stood there awkwardly as Yoongi went back to work. After a few minutes of just standing, you grabbed a lunchbox and opened it. You set it down in front of Yoongi and turned his chair around.

“Please, take a break and eat.”

“I’m busy if you can’t sense that already.”

Your heart cracked. His harsh tone was enough to cause tears to form.

“I know, but you should at least eat a little. Just a bite?”

You were practically pleading at this point. He could be as cold as he wanted to you, but you wanted him to at least take care of himself. You pushed the lunchbox closer to him only to have it knocked out of your hands and onto his lyric notebook. Your eyes widened and you quickly grabbed his notebook from under the food. You knew how important it was to him. It was his life.

“(Y/N)! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

“I’m sor-”

“DO YOU THINK A SORRY IS ENOUGH? YOU COULD’VE RUINED EVERYTHING. You are so lucky it was closed.”

“I said I was sorry. If you just complied.”

“Are you blaming me now? Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

Another crack in your heart.

That was your last straw. It hit some nerve that you never knew even existed. And neither did he.

“LEAVE YOU ALONE? I’VE LEFT YOU ALONE FOR MONTHS NOW! NOT A SINGLE TEXT OR CALL FOR 4 MONTHS AND YOU STILL WANT ME TO LEAVE YOU ALONE? Sometimes I wonder if we’re even in a relationship. You could at least send a text. I’m just asking for one simple, ‘hey’. Is that too much to ask for?”

He was taken aback from your sudden outburst. You were always a quiet person and you always kept calm even in the most frustrating situations.

“I was busy. What’s up with you? You never shout.”

Another crack.

“Maybe if you bothered to care, you would understand why all this is happening.”

“I don’t have time. I wish you would just understand me sometimes. I’m an idol. I can’t be there to comfort you through everything. If you waited a little more, I would’ve been home. Stop being so selfish.”

You were speechless. Everyone around you were right. You have been too nice to Yoongi. He has taken your love for him for granted. The tears you have been holding fell and now all your anger has become sadness.

“Maybe I don’t want to wait anymore. Maybe…maybe, I can’t wait anymore.”

With that, you left. You left him standing there still taken aback from not only your words, but also your tears. You left him to think about where this relationship went wrong. It took him a while to finally figure out that you didn’t just throw a tantrum and leave to cool off. You left him and your relationship with him.

“Hyung, how could you say that to noona?”

“Guys, I’m not in the mood.”

“How could you still say that?! You haven’t talken to her in 4 months. She has to check on her stupid boyfriend through us. She texted us to make sure you were eating, sleeping, and taking care of yourself. She’s texted all of us because she didn’t want to bother you. She’s been understanding. She has been waiting for you and here you are. Working.”

Namjoon scoffed. Jimin shoved 6 phones onto the desk Yoongi was working at. There were endless conversations with you. You telling them to make sure he was alright and healthy. There was even a group chat he wasn’t a part of. And then there was his phone. Empty. Not a single text since 4 months ago. As he finished reading, a sound from everyone’s phone.

(Y/N) : You won’t be hearing from me for a while. Good luck on your comeback. Please don’t tell Yoongi. I’m just a burden.

Hoseok quickly snatched his phone and texted back. After getting another text, he turned to Yoongi and held his phone out for him to see the conversation he just had with you.

Hobi: Where are you going? Please tell me you aren’t leaving.

(Y/N): Remember that offer I got at work to work on a fashion show in Paris. I decided to accept. I’m going to be gone for at least a year or maybe I’ll just stay there.

Yoongi froze. You were leaving. You were leaving him and never coming back. He looked up quickly when he heard another text come in.

(Y/N): Guys, I’m leaving in 2 weeks to Paris. Please don’t tell Yoongi. Tell him I met some other guy or you guys make up some excuse.

You still thought of him even though he didn’t even glance at you for 4 months. Yoongi started to cry. He just ruined a great relationship. He just ruined what could’ve been his wife and the mother to his children. He made the woman he loved the most leave.

But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you’ll fight and you’ll make it through
You’ll fake it if you have to
And you’ll show up for work with a smile
And you’ll be better
And you’ll be smarter
And more grown up
And a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you’ll be awake
You’ll be alert
You’ll be positive though it hurts
And you’ll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you’ll be a real good listener
You’ll be honest
You’ll be brave
You’ll be handsome and you’ll be beautiful
You’ll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You’re weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
And your ship may be coming in
You’re weak but not giving in
And you’ll fight it
You’ll go out fighting all of them

-Rilo Kiley, “A Better Son/Daughter”

Acrylic/alcohol spray ink, stencils, and black Pilot MultiBall pen.