Alrighty so let’s be clear here. Josh, he’s the guy. If you’ve been following my recent posts about my *cough* boring *cough* love life, you’ll know I have this crush on this “nameless” guy and to make it easier for me, his name’s Josh.
Anyways, I was being ironic again with my *ahem* depression induced suicidal thoughts in regards to conducting in music class and he just so happened to be present during the conversation AND THIS GUY! THIS GUY RIGHT HERE!!!! THIS GUY!!!! He was all “no don’t kill yourself” like um… hello? He says one word and I worship the ground he walks on. He says one word to me? I am so dead. He’s sweet. Alex, my friend ho was the recipient of my “Well I just came from music and I want to kill myself”, knows just how ironically I say that and THIS GUY! He’s so sweet. He doesn’t know. I am too much for Alex but she knows!!! It’s alright though because he’s cute. I’m cute. We can be cute together.
(Thank Alex for being good friends with josh or else I would not see him as much as i do. So, thank you Alex! I love you!!! <333)
Anyways, thank you! For reading this, I mean. It’s a little insignificant but idk hearing him say that to me just gets me all motivated to uh, not kill myself so its all good. I hope you all have a good day! <333
P.S. His friends like to harass him for all the stupid shit he says in philosophy and he just basically voices what I'm thinking so damn. If his friends knew me? it would be double the stupid shit.
Thank you so much for tagging me mayor-jasmine !! You can tell a lot about someone by the type of music they listen to. Hit shuffle on your iPod, phone, iTunes, media player, etc and write down the first 20 songs (10 songs short version). Then pass this on to 5-10 people. One rule: no skipping.
1.) Tightrope- Janelle Monáe ft. Big Boi 2.) Feel so Close- Calvin Harris 3.) Only Girl (in the World)- Rihanna 4.) Ponponpon- Kyary Pamyu Pamyu 5.) Cherrybonbon- Kyary Pamyu Pamyu 6.) One More Time- Daft Punk 7.) Duck Sauce- Barbra Streisand (not exactly a song ^^u) 8.) Gee- Girl’s Generation 9.) Getting’ Over You- David Guetta 10.) Visual Dreams- Girl’s Generation 11.) Letting Go- Qwote 12.) Drunk in Love- Beyoncé 13.) Let Me Love You- Ne-Yo 14.) Milkshake- Kelis (haha) 15.) Hello- Martin Solveig 16.) Viva Namida- Yasuyuki Okamura 17.) Hello- Karmin 18.) Just Be Friends- Megurine Luka 19.) Get Lucky- Daft Punk 20.) Lovefool- The Cardigans
My partner and I are going on our first holiday together for a few days in July, somewhere in England! We just aren’t sure where yet! We want somewhere with a huge shopping outlet that has many stores and want a zoo/sealife attraction to visit, anyone got any experience or advice on where to go and what to do???
I just don’t understand my feelings. Inside I’m a mess and I want to just breakdown for once and let everything out but I can’t. I’ve tried. I just get tired with myself and stop feeling at all, which to me is worse than at least feeling something. I can’t even distinguish my feelings from each other and I’m literally lost in myself. It’s like I’m living two separate lives lol. I’m a sad person when I’m alone because I finally let my guard down. I think only 1 of my friends has ever seen me cry and I would go to her right now if I could and just stay with her because she’s great. She’s my best friend and I’m so glad we’ve friends all these years. Thank you, Sarah, because you’re so, so great. I just wish I could shake this feeling. It’s practically consumed me, along with the idea of failure. I don’t do anything anymore and it’s killing me because I’ve let everyone down. I can’t handle what’s happening and I just want to be able to be successful and do my homework and stop lying and just, I want to be so much more than I am capable of. If anything, I feel as if I’m the background character in my own story. Sure, I think I get butterflies every time I look at Josh or he looks at me. that doesn’t matter. I’ve been this way for almost 10 years and it just gets worse with every waking moment. I’m too forgetful, I’m not productive, I’m probably failing my classes because I go home and feel the same emptiness I feel everyday, I don’t end up doing anything, and worst of all, I just stand there and wallow. I was like that for the whole hour my parents were out on a walk. it’s strange. I don’t understand my feelings and I don’t understand why I feel so heavy all the time and i certainly don’t understand why I just can’t breakdown and let everything out. if I do, the breakdowns are small and leave all kinds of residual feelings that make me feel worse than before. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what is going on and it’s been like this for so long now that I’ve only started questioning it at the moment because I’m realizing just how different I am from all my other friends. i tried cutting once, but I didn’t feel anything from that either. I found nothing. I don’t like to talk about it because I though hoo boy maybe it’ll do something for me but in actuality, it did shit. I’m still just as muddled and heavy and empty and sad and confused and so, so damaged by myself that I can’t even begin to understand the severities of this because I don’t know any. I just know my anxiety is getting worse by the day and my family either doesn’t care or doesn’t believe somethings wrong. It’s as if I need someone professional to tell my parents somethings wrong with me for them to believe it. I doubt my school is going to do anything because it’s school and if you can’t see an illness, it isn’t there. The only problem is that it is in fact there and I constantly feel as if I have to scream and yell just for them to understand. They won’t, simply because “I’m fine” physically. my mental state is anything but fine and i feel it everyday. This isn’t seasonal because I’ve been this way since last year, only I was too afraid to come out and say anything because i was afraid of being bullied like I was towards the last years of elementary school, four years ago. I apologize if this was a hindrance to read but I don’t have an inkling of what to do about my feelings and such, but you guys are so wonderful and helpful. <3 I love you all. (I also don’t know tumblr too well and I would have put this under a read more but alas I do not know how.)