There’s something very wrong with my parrot.

I have an African grey parrot named Perry. He’s been part of the family for 25 years. I’ve known him my whole life. When my parents were alive, they taught him a bunch of words and phrases and he’d always make us laugh.

Lately, though, he’s been saying things we never taught him. Certainly not things we’d ever say, either. Nancy, my wife, was in the kitchen with her friends the other day when they all heard Perry squawk, “it bathes in tears and reigns beneath our feet.”

They all laughed and wondered what the hell I could’ve been watching on TV for the bird to pick up a phrase like that. They continued their lunch, but ten minutes later, Perry started again:

“It reigns beneath our feet. It reigns beneath our feet. It reigns beneath our feet.”

Then he squawked and screamed and rattled his cage so hard that he almost fell off the table. Nancy checked to see if he was okay, and he chirped and allowed her to stroke his head with her finger. He seemed no worse for wear.

That night, after I’d gotten home and Nancy had told me about Perry’s weirdness, I let him out of his cage to fly around the house. He was always well behaved and never knocked anything off shelves or shit on things we cared about. He stepped out of the cage and onto the table, but he didn’t take off. He just stood there, looking around.

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Terrifying: This Man Names All The Horror-Movie Villains That He Can Think Of

5 Horror Movies By Women That You Definitely Have Time To Watch Before Halloween

It’s the most wonderful time of the year for horror lovers like myself. Though, if you’re like me then you’re looking for the scariest stories, movies, and shows to satisfy your craving for (fake!!!) horrific experiences all year round. Also if you’re like me, then you’re easily scared and don’t know why you keep doing this to yourself, but you’re not going to stop anytime soon.

For those who can relate, here’s a list of 5 horror movies made by women that you’ll definitely have time to cram into the next few days since they’re all under 30 minutes! Best of all, you can watch them online right now.

Listed in order of least to most scary:

1. Summer of the Zombies (A Zomedy) | 2012 (11 min)

As the title implies, this is a horror comedy set after the zombie apocalypse. But it tackles an issue that hasn’t been raised yet in the mainstream zombie depictions: zombie veganism. It made me lol while I was sitting alone in my room which doesn’t always happen. The perfect short to calm yourself down with after a good scare.

2. The Halloween Kid | 2011 (7.5 min) 

This is another fun horror movie with some cheerfulness to it. This one will empower you to embrace your inner creepiness and be thankful for those around you who appreciate the paranormal. After all, it’s not your fault if  you can see things that not everyone else can see.

3. Cargo | 2013 (7 min)

Transitioning us more into the scary half of the list, but still with strong heartwarming elements is Cargo. The story of how a father protects his daughter during the zombie apocalypse will make you want to want to hug your loved ones tighter, you know, before they’ve turned into face-eating zombies.

4. Conventional | 2015 (9 min)

This short is written and directed by Karen Gillian (aka Nebula in Guardians of the Galaxy), and she stars in it, too! It’s an interesting and extremely eery perspective, especially coming from someone who knows what it’s like to be one of the “attractions” at a convention.  

5. The Herd | 2016 (20 min) 

Warning: this movie will make you squirm. I like to go into horror films knowing as little as possible to keep myself from developing expectations. So I didn’t read the description of this one before pressing play, and I think doing that made the whole thing even more shocking. What I will say is it’s definitely the most terrifying short on this list.

For more Halloween movie magic created by women check out the Ax Wound Film Festival happening this week, here’s a list of 34 films they featured at last year’s event


Mexican Sugar Skull Makeup

Halloween is a perfect time to be creative. For Halloween enthusiasts who want to go all-out and try something more detailed and girly, you are going to love this week’s tutorial Sugar Skull makeup tutorial.

A calavera also called a “sugar skull” are made out of sugar during the Mexican Day of the Dead celebration is the perfect mixture of spooky and sweet. Finish it with a flower crown and petal details will give you a feminine edge.  

You can pick any colour to paint your Sugar Skull look however if you aren’t a fan of over-the-top colouring, try sticking with just one colour like blue.

Although this makeup does look extremely complicated it’s actually surprisingly straight forward. The only thing we say it takes a bit of time and patience… and a steady hand!

Mehron Paradise Aqua Black Face Paint

You need this as the basis of your look.

Go bold & Waterproof to last all night long. Try MUA Cosmetics Eye Define Waterproof Mascara.  Finish off with a beautiful set of false lashes by Doll Beauty Lashes in Khloe.


Use any kind of colours you like! If you love this blue Sugar Skull , Try the NEW MUA Cosmetics Elysium Shadows palette they will help create subtle blue highlights.

Black Eyeliner

To create definition, fine pattern lines, basically what you draw your skulls on with. Try MUA Cosmetics Eye Define Felt Liner.  

Create a velvet-matte look with a rich pigmented MUA Cosmetics Velvet lip lacquer. The quick-dry formula glides on effortlessly to leave a gorgeous matte finish, that is smudge proof & long-lasting to ensure your pout lasts all evening long.  

Sequins & Gems
Finally embellish your Day of the Dead sugar skulls with sequins, gems, glitter and more from In Your Dreams AW16 Mythical Collection

Keep an eye out for a step by step tutorial look going live on my YouTube this week.



The Border Wall [Halloween 2016]

I check my costume in the mirror: I’m a zombie, complete with fake blood and ragged clothes.

“Which friend is throwing this party?” My father calls out from the living room.

“Someone from school,” I lie.

“Ok, just don’t be out all night.”

“I won’t, Daddy.” I kiss him on the check.

I step outside and start walking. Once I’m a safe distance away, I turn south. I really am going to a friend’s party, I just didn’t mention that my friend lives on the other side of The Wall.

The music blares—loud and wild.

I jump with the rhythm, sweating through my costume rags. I love the Outskirts. Everyone here is so alive and so free.

Halloween in The City is no fun. It’s too clean and safe and corporate.

Not that anyone at this party would know. Ever since the Zero-Tolerance laws were passed, my Outskirter friends can’t even visit me in the City.

Whatever. I let the music take me away, and keep dancing.

I turn down most of the ‘party-favors’. No pills or powders for this girl. But the spiked punch isn’t too bad.

The party is winding down. I say goodbye to some friends, and start making my way through the Outskirts.

The closer I get to The Wall, the seedier the neighborhood gets. This part of the ‘skirts has an economy based mostly on drugs, theft, and prostitution.

I try not to show my fear as I creep along the narrow shantytown streets. I’m not afraid. I’m a scary zombie, remember?

Eventually, I see the towering edifice of The Wall. I feel a rush of relief, and I’m instantly sickened. I’ve always hated The Wall.

But at times like these, I’m glad that I live on the ‘good’ side.

I feel the border guards’ eyes following me as I step up to the portal. They wear black riot-gear and carry assault rifles. Stitched onto their shoulders are backwards-facing flags.

I type out my social on the keypad, and then reach in my back pocket for my citizenship card. It’s not there.

I swear under my breath. Someone at the party must have made me as a City-kid and swiped my card.

“Excuse me,” I say to the nearest guard. “I’m a citizen, but I think my card got stolen.”

He barely looks at me.

“Can you run my DNA? Please? I’m late.”

Begrudgingly, he gets up and walks over with a handheld device. I notice two other guards taking up defensive positions behind him, their guns at the ready.

“Hold still.” He takes a stylus from the machine, and brings it up to my face. “Is that blood?” He asks as he takes a swab of my zombie makeup.

“No. It’s fake!” I try to explain.

But it’s too late. The device flashes red. I make out the words NON-CITIZEN on the display.

The guard retreats, and speaks into a shoulder-mounted radio. “Go for Zero-Tolerance!”

“NO!” I scream as the guards raise their rifles.