Give me more Freewood where Gavin’s the monster. Give me Freewood where Ryan’s the one the crew knows first, where he’s the one that founds the crew and helps herd wildfire and bloody brass knuckle kids into some semblance of order, where he’s a terror in the night but they know him, knew him before the mask and facepaint and tough black jacket. Give me Freewood where Gavin’s new in town and he’s a golden menace who dips his fingers in everyone’s pies and pickpockets crimelords and passerbys alike, who’s here for the thrill of the steal, of the chase, of the kill, a serial adrenaline junkie with a gun and a computer and a motorcycle. Give me Ryan meeting Gavin on jobs and the two kicking it off, gibe me Gavin coming home with the Vagabond because he can, because he’s scarier to the crew than Ryan because they know Ryan, they don’t know this gilded killer with no pattern, no prejudice, no moral compass (or so it seems). Give me Gavin sitting on the counter dripping blood while Ryan bakes cookies and they wait for Geoff to get home so Ryan can maybe talk about adding this wildcard to the crew. Give me bump-in-the-night Gavin kissing Ryan, made-myself-a-monster Ryan like it could be their last while they wait for the sirens to stop and the sky to lighten with sunrise.
I just want to kiss your forehead when you least expect it. I want to hold your hand and cuddle you all day. Then I want to settle down in bed at night and tell you everything you want to know about me. Finally I want to have you fall asleep in my arms after a soft, sweet goodnight kiss. That’s all I want for as long as I’m able to have you be mine.
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He told me he played
“1979” because it reminded him of the year I was born. But catharsis wasn’t my
thing and it was too much to ask me to feel pity for teenagers who just wanted
to get laid. Tragedy has a time and place, but the song’s plot was lacking.
Frankly, I think he just liked the madness of melancholy.
For everyone whose abuse isn’t physical, whose scars can’t be seen so clearly, I am so proud of you.
Its incredibly hard to see abuse when it’s emotional and not physical. Because the only way to see how the abuse happens is how it makes you act. How you respond to other peoples actions.
Know you are so much stronger and braver than anyone will ever know. Mental and emotional abuse is so hard because the abusers love to make you think that you’re the abuser, and you’re not.
You’re so much better than all this. You’ll get through this.