not-poetry

Meet The Blogger

I was tagged by jemiizee, thank you! =)

THE RULES:

Tag the person who tagged you and let them know when you’ve finished. Answer the questions/tasks and then tag 20 people. Let the tagged people know they’ve been tagged.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Answer these questions:


GENERAL APPEARANCE:

1. How tall are you? 5′5″/5′6″

2. What color and style is your hair? My hair is somewhat brown, with a tinge of orange (it was worse a couple weeks ago..). It’s not really styled; it’s almost down to my rear with side bangs.

3. What color are your eyes? Boring brown

4. Do you wear glasses/contacts? Yep, contacts during the day and glasses at night.

5. Do you wear braces? Nope, but I had them for three years!

6. What is your fashion sense? Magazine-worthy.


**YOU IN GENERAL**

7. What is your name? Erica

8. When were you born? January

9. How old are you? 19

10. Where are you from/live now? New Mexico, USA

11. Do you have siblings? Yep, although I’m not close with them.

12. What school/college do you go to? Community college, but I’m transferring to the university next semester! Woohoo!

13. What kind of student are you? Angelic

14. Do you even like school? Some of the time; it depends on the amount of homework.

15. What are your favorite school subjects? I used to love math, but I’ve enjoyed english and philosophy.

16. What are your favorite shows? Supernatural, Supernatural, and umm.. maybe Bob’s Burgers.

17. What are your favorite movies? Tommy Boy, Gladiator, and The Notebook. Plus anything Disney.

18. What are your favorite books? Gone with the Wind (and I need to start reading again!)

19. What is your favorite pass time? Blogging, crocheting, drinking tea, you get the idea–I’m pretty much an old lady in a teenager’s body.

20. Do you have any regrets? Doesn’t everyone?

21. What is your dream job? CEO of my publishing company.

22. Would you like to get married one day and where? I would love to, but I’m not sure where. I might need to concentrate on finding a groom first.

23. Would you like to have kids one day and how many? I would also love to have kids, but not HAVE kids. You see my dilemma? 2, maybe 3.

24. Are you a girly girl, a regular girl, or more of a tomboy? Umm.. it varies..?

25. Do you like shopping? Only 10-15% of the time.

26. What countries have you visited so far? One, but I’m not sure you would consider it visiting since I was born here..

27. What is the scariest nightmare you have ever had? *THE FAINT OF HEART–SKIP THIS.* It wasn’t too long ago actually, but in the nightmare, my teeth began falling out of my mouth while I was coughing up blood; it was almost as if someone had poisoned me. When I woke up, it was as though I couldn’t feel my teeth, but I was so relieved when I realized it was only a dream!

28. Do you have enemies? I don’t even have friends to make fun of.

29. Who are your best friends? chasdog24

30. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and what is their name? Not necessarily..


I’m tagging chasdog24, that-creepy1, misscloudwalker, allhailtheglowcloudbruh, imnina-15, howimetauntrobin, unknown-complexities, fairly-nearby, oheyitscryssi, elvedon, and anyone else who would like to answer these questions!

You are a pressure cooker. As soon as you start to feel a sliver of emotion, you put the lid on it and you don’t deal with anything. I understand that’s your coping mechanism, and it’s working for you, but you need to understand that in the long run it isn’t going to be beneficial to you. One day someone is going to come along that you can feel comfortable enough with to tear down your walls. I know things are bad now— you’ve been in crisis mode since I’ve met you— but every time you start to think those bad thoughts like ‘I am so overwhelmed that I can’t function’ or ‘this is all hopeless’ just remember to add a 'for now’ at the end. You say that everyone seems to think you’re emotionless— I think that’s a lie. I also think you feel everything as deeply, if not more, than everyone else— you just keep it all bottled up because no one has ever given you the chance to be vulnerable. You spend your time taking care of everyone else, and you don’t give up on people— I don’t think you’d be able to live with yourself knowing you left someone alone. When are you going to start taking that unconditional love you have towards others and start to reciprocate that towards yourself? You hold yourself to an unrealistically high standard, way more than you do any other being on this planet. Just know that it’s okay to say 'today I am human— and I am going to be angry or sad or annoyingly giddy for no reason’

always remember that it’s okay to be human

—  Alexis H., things my therapist told me that are just now starting to make sense
Expectations Vs. Reality

How I imagined writing a book would be:

I’m going to write a book.
I wrote a book. Tada!
All the glory.

The harsh reality:

I’m going to write a book. Write, write, write. What the fuck is that? The fuck is this? Write. Edit, write, edit, edit. WHY AM I DOING THIS? Edit. This is all shit. Write, erase, write, edit. GAH!!!!!! Fuck it, I wrote a book. Formatting? The hell is that? Sobbing. Book description, author bio? Wut? Oh, dear, oohhhhh dear, oh dear. Finished. Submit, proof, approve, pre-orders, website, shipping. That was an ordeal. I wrote a book, fucking right, I did.

I don’t sleep in anymore

No longer do I lay in bed exhausted from nightmares
Up, showered, breakfasted and out before everyone else

Somethings changed
And I fucking love it

I’m more selfish and less needy
More active and less anxious
I want to fuck at least 20% of people in every room I enter

I’m eating less
The only hunger I feel comes not from my stomach

I like myself more when I’m sober
I like myself more when I’m naked

I’m alert at all times
I talk less but better

I have perverted thoughts frequently
I don’t crave to be wanted anymore

I just crave

I care less

I always want more

—  .p.k – Evening confessions … [04/10/14]
Did you know pigs can't look up?

Think about that.

They can’t look at the sky. How sad is that?

If you see a pig, can you do me a favor?

Pick him (or her) up and show them the sky?

I think that would be rad.

Thanks in advance!

my mama thinks im a monster & i think she’s right
i saw the devil in the mirror last night
     but if you think i’m pretty, well
     the world can
                    fucking burn

I hope it doesn’t surprise you to find that I’ve long since given up on us. That somewhere within these summer months I’ve forgotten why I ever hoped we could be more than the few hopeful glances that kept us hopefully convinced that what we thought we had was love.

Happy father’s day to the mothers that had to be both roles.
Happy father’s day to the dads that are celebrating with their husbands too.
Happy father’s day to the dads that had to deal with a miscarriage. (You’re still a father.)
Happy father’s day to the LGBTQ+ dads.
Happy father’s day to the stepdads that always wanted the best for their stepkids.
Happy father’s day.

i still have to remind myself
i’m beautiful. 
it was a habit
that started after
i left you. 
i had gotten used to
your daily reminders.
it was assuring. 
it was the truth coming from you. 
i still have to remind myself. 
i don’t believe myself as 
much i believed you. 

i think i was looking for
a place to call my home, 
a place to call my own.
i think i was hoping for
someone to take the pains
of my past away,
someone who could help 
me face the worries of tomorrow,
someone who would make me feel
not so
alone.
i think i messed it up.
i know i messed it up.
i think i pushed you away,
because i was afraid i wasn't 
strong enough
beautiful enough
smart enough
enough
enough 
enough.
i was afraid i wasn’t enough.
i hope you know 
i’m sorry.
and i hope you know
my heart will always be yours.
—  an honest letter to the love of my life ((b.r.))