not-paleo

For years I wallowed in self doubt, self pity, self mutilation. I didn’t cut myself or hurt myself overtly. My method was to eat myself to death. I’d given up all hopes for a decent life. My wife didn’t love me but why should she? I didn’t have real friendships but who would want to be my friend anyway? I shut myself off from the world because I was no good to them anyway. I immersed myself in distractions to avoid my life defining belief:

I hated myself.

I’ve learned through this journey that I’m not alone. Those who I’ve coached or meet at events I’ve spoken at have shared their fears and pains and they are so familiar. So many of us, obese or not have such destructive self talk that we spend half our days on the verge of melting down.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

If you found out your best friend or mother was in an abusive relationship, what would you do? Chances are, you’d go over there and help her pack and get away from the dirtbag as soon as humanly possible. You wouldn’t support her and encourage her to “tough it out”. Why not? Because she is in danger and needs to get out right away.

It’s funny how we would never allow a loved one to suffer the kind of pain we would inflict upon ourselves without hesitation.

Are you in an abusive relationship right now with yourself? Would you speak about someone the same way you speak about yourself? For years, I was both the abuser and the abused of myself. Now here’s the good news: you can stop it today. Right now.

Blaise Pascal once said: “To understand is to forgive.”

It’s time to move forward. It’s time to believe. You aren’t perfect but you’re not your mistakes. Do and be and before you know it, you will become.

You may fall short of perfection but with self love and Pascal’s understanding, you will find in your perfection the start of a self-love affair that never has to end.

Don’t you deserve to be loved that way?

When I log into tumblr I see a variety of amazing people all trying to find their way to health. I see people who want to lose 200+ pounds and those who want to lose 15. I see some people trying out intermittent fasting to keep their binge eating in check, while other people like to eat multiple small meals a day. I see people who feel ketosis helps keep them satisfied while burning their body’s fat and at the same time people who can’t feel full without some carbs. I see vegans, vegetarians, and omnivores. I see people eating clean and people just casually trying to cut calories. I see people trying to drink more water, simply move more, and eat out less. I see people wanting to run marathons and people who just want to walk a few more steps. I see people preparing for weight loss surgery. I see people using food to fight disease whether that be diabetes, auto-immune diseases, or PCOS. I see people trying to do their best in a world that wants to make being healthy complicated, monetized, and practically impossible.

Do I agree with everyone’s diet? No way! But most of the time I don’t even follow my own guidelines enough to feel comfortable policing anyone else. Everyday I try to be better. I allow myself to learn and I move forward so I can grow into better, stronger, and healthier person. I try to do what works for me and I respect that you know what works for you.

Every single person I follow is unique and different and I respect your journey to find what works for you. We don’t need to tear down each other down when were all simply taking our own path to the same destination. There is no one size fits all answer to health and everyone’s experiences are valid.

A few years ago, Dr. Gregory Thomas’ research made him think that no matter how much you exercise, how much kale you eat and how many cigarettes you avoid, heart disease is inevitable. Eventually, everyone’s arteries will harden up with some calcium plaque as they age, Thomas thought, increasing the risk of heart attacks and strokes.

Now a group of farmers in Bolivia have blown that theory out of the water, Thomas says.

Who Has The Healthiest Hearts In The World?

Image by Matthieu Paley/National Geographic

i told my boyfriend how much i weighed yesterday (which is about 5 pounds more than he weighs)

& he just looked at me & said, “okay, well that doesn’t change how i look at you. you are beautiful.”

he’s a lean guy & can have a hard time putting on weight. that being said he kinda struggles with the opposite of what i’m struggling with right now.

i made the decision to get sober a little short of a year & a half ago. this was the best decision that i have ever made in my life- & a very difficult one. food became my vice during this time. i have ibs, so having a vice like this did not make my gut happy.

we talked more about what we are struggling with & why we are. i explained to him how food has become my vice, & he understood that. yet one thing changed here when we moved forward & planned the next steps that we could take (for me it was getting back on the paleo reset diet) & how we will support one another- we started at that moment rather than the next day.

i am the queen of promising myself “tomorrow”. as in tomorrow i will start my diet again. tomorrow i will eat healthier. tomorrow i will get myself to the gym… and guess what? it never happens

so here i am, day 2 on the paleo reset diet

although i am not where i want to be, i know & feel beautiful on the inside & out. we are the creators of our own happiness, & i am taking the initiative to once again carve my own path.