not-me

Do you ever just have a night or day where you doubt every nice thing anyone has ever done or said to you? Like, thinking “there’s no way I deserve that particular nice thing that those friends did for me because I’m so terrible and I’m not good and I don’t deserve any of it” or “how could this person say this nice thing when I’ve been so terrible in the past and they know and I’m just scummy” like, god dammit they had a going away party for me and I was such an asshole, even at the party I was. There’s no way they miss me. It doesn’t matter.