not-me

Uzun süre boyunca biri sizi kıskandığında buna alışıyorsunuz. Bunu sorun etmiyorsunuz. Kötü tarafı bu bazen -bazen mi- sizi mutlu dahi edebiliyor. Düşünülme hissiyatı veriyor. Bu da kalbinizi okşuyor. Sonra bu bir anda tamamen kesilince boşluğa düşüyorsunuz. Böyle bir kaşıntı sarıyor vücudunuzu..Garip ve salak bir hüzün hissediyor ve bundan hoşnut olamıyorsunuz doğal olarak..

stardresss  asked:

"I don't want you" nalu

Easier

Pairing; Nalu

Word Count; 552

A/N;  Angst angst angst.

“I don’t want you.”

Natsu watched Lucy take a step back, eyes wide and lip trembling, as if he had actually hit her. Natsu’s stomach turned at the thought. Hurting Lucy was something he could never imagine doing, and yet it was what he seemed to constantly do. In fact he was doing it right now. 

“You’re lying.” Lucy whispered. She seemed to be mustering all the courage that she could, but Natsu could still see the trickle of fear in her chocolate gaze. And it killed him. Didn’t she know he was lying, that he didn’t mean it? Was he really so horrible that she doubted her place in his life?

“No, I’m not. I don’t want you. As my lover, my partner, my friend. Nothing.” Natsu said, voice hard and low. He was impressed his voice didn’t break, that all the emotions and fear that he held inside weren’t spilling out of his very pores. 

“You’re lying,” she repeated, hands balling into fists beside her. Natsu watched as all doubt was burned from her eyes, soul flaring wild and hot and angry

“I’m not lying Lucy, gods, can’t you get it through that pretty skull of yours? You mean nothing to me.”

Natsu looked away. He couldn’t watch her as she cried anymore, couldn’t watch how his words cut her. It was the only way, if he made her hate him then she wouldn’t be sad when he died. Either by the cancer his brother’s experiments had put in him or Zeref’s hand itself, it didn’t matter. Nastu was going to die, and he’d rather go to hell than drag her soul down with him. 

Natsu stepped back with a gasp, cheek throbbing with Lucy had slapped him. He touched a finger to the burning skin, gaping at Lucy. She’d hit him.

Gods did he love her.

“Stop lying.” Lucy snarled, crowding into his space, eyes bright and furious as she looked up at him. “You’re a terrible liar.” she spat.

Natsu pressed his lips into a thin line, trying to glare down at her. He had to keep this mask on. It was for the best. It had to be.

They stared at one another, tense and challenging, willing the other to back down. Natsu snapped his gaze away when he realized neither were going to cave. It was good to know his stubbornness had rubbed off on her. 

“Why can’t you just hate me?” Natsu mumbled under his breath, rubbing at his temple as he closed his eyes. He should’ve known this was a stupid plan. When did Lucy ever abandon a friend?

He looked up at the ceiling, water stains discoloring the wooden beams several feet above them, Lucy’s arms tight as she crushed her body against his. “Because I love you.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Lucy said, squeezing hard enough for Natsu to feel his ribs shift inside him. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly as he buried his nose in the top of her hair. Despair clutched at his heart. He had to live for her, he couldn’t just leave her now. “We’ll figure something out, Natsu. I’m not letting you go.”

It would have been so much easier if she just hated him.

“I love you too.”

Annoying

“That’s starting to get annoying.”

“What? What are you talking about, Y/N?” Spencer’s head popped up from where it was buried in the book he was reading, his glasses sliding down his nose just barely. He cocked his head to the side slightly, staring at you in confusion when you didn’t answer immediately. He closed the book that was on his lap and uncrossed his legs and laid them out, showcasing the mismatched socks he always seemed to wear—one was orange with pumpkins on it and the other had purple and black stripes on it.

He’s such a nerd, you thought. But he was your nerd.

“No one should be this cute! Like, you haven’t washed your hair in days and I mean, I totally get it, I hate washing my hair too, and it’s good to not wash it so often because of the natural oils or whatever the hell those beauty people online always talk about, but it’s just not normal for you to rock it! And those pajamas pants have a hole in them and your sweater’s too large for you and your socks don’t match because they never do and you have the biggest bags under your eyes because you’ve been running on basically no sleep and all coffee these past few days and all I’m focusing on is the fact that I still find you incredibly attractive and lovely. That’s annoying! Stop it. Just stop being so cute!” You finished your rant and blushed right away, realizing how crazy you sounded. Who yells at their boyfriend for being cute, you think.

Spencer got flustered and just managed to choke out, “lovely, huh?”

You rolled your eyes and smiled, “yes, you dork. You’re the loveliest person I’ve laid my eyes on. It’s a crime, really.”

He laughed and corrected you, “I chase the people who do the crimes, I don’t commit them.”

“Yeah, yeaaaah,” you drew out. “I remember.

Spencer set the book aside and motioned for you to come closer. You took it a step farther and sat in his lap so you were straddling him. He didn’t even blink at the motion, so used to how touchy you were.

You leaned your head down so your forehead was touching his. “Hi,” you whispered.

He smiled the smile that was only ever aimed at you and your heart sped up, “hello to you, too.”

You kissed his left cheek, then his right, then hovered above his lips. “I love you.”

Spencer moved upwards, catching your lips for far too short of a time, in your opinion. “I love you, too, Y/N,” he said softly.

“Hmmmm, how much?” you asked, smirking.

“Very much,” he reassured you.

“Enough toooooo…. get some breakfast food with me?” you grinned.

He shook his head, biting back a laugh. “Y/N, it’s 11:30 pm. Do you really want to get breakfast right now?”

You got up from Spencer’s lap, grabbing his hand and dragging him up as well. “No time like the present, lover boy! C’mon, put some shoes on so we can go to the diner that’s open 24/7.”

He moved slowly, laughing when you made disappointing noises.

As you both made your way out of the apartment you two shared, Spencer put his arm around your shoulders, bringing you in tighter to him. You moved your head to the side and leaned up, kissing his cheek.

He glanced down at you, stopping momentarily in the hallway, “so are you still mad at me for being so cute and the loveliest person you’ve ever laid your eyes on?”

You pushed him away, “That was a moment of weakness and I’m nearly positive I didn’t say it exactly like that.”

He raised his eyebrows, his eyes glinting with amusement. “You’re telling the guy with the eidetic memory that you’re sure you didn’t say it exactly like that? Really, Y/N?”

“I suddenly can’t hear you,” you said. “All I can hear is the sound of the waffles and pancakes and eggs and bacon being made.”

“Y/N—“

“I can nearly taste it now!” you declared dramatically.

Spencer grabbed your hand in his, “Alright, alright. I got the hint, let’s go.”

You looked over at your boyfriend, happiness etched on his face and you knew that same look was mimicked on yours.

You really did love him more than anything on the planet.

Except maybe the waffles at the 24/7 diner.