not even humour can make me deal with this

Where the Heart Is

By midnightsnapdragon 

“Passage for one, please.”

The genie glanced up from the pack of cards he was idly floating over his fingers, the other fist propping up his chin. When his bored black eyes caught on the girl at his booth, though, the cards swooped down to the table. He looked her over from head to toe and beamed.

“My, my. What’s a moon girl doing in little Rieux?”

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Thunderbirds Are Go(ne) - a mid season hiatus rant

So, TAG Team. Saturdays are just not gonna be the same again without Thunderbirds Are Go. This show changed my life. I thought I was a huge Thundernerd before but wow my feels have just exploded and multiplied and it’s not even funny any more. It’s given my inner escapist a home to dream about (gorgeous Tracy Island), boys to lust over (Virgil, mostly), fictional brothers to care about (space pup Alan), fictional best friends with a great sense of humour (Gordon), introvert buddies (John), and big brothers to look up to (Scott). Also, Kayo could honesty be everyone’s favourite sister, but if you don’t mind, I wanna focus on the boys right now.

No one said it would be easy to be Mother Hen of International Rescue and oldest brother, but he’s trying and he’ll be damned if he gives up now - but no one is perfect and sometimes even Scott Tracy finds himself making the wrong choice, or losing his cool when the situation calls for calm and composed reasoning. I’m pretty convinced of the fact that there’s a storm of doubts and fears raging inside his mind that will eventually find a crack through which to erupt - as we’ve seen during the scene where Scott almost punched Professor Harold. But the very fact that he is prone to making mistakes and miscalculating a situation also makes him human in spite of his superhuman determination to juggle the duties of family life and International Rescue.

He may be the peacekeeper of the family, the artist and beefcake engineer, but there’s something about that lumberjack look that makes one wonder just how much Virgil Tracy is at peace with himself (as obscenelybefuddled pointed out in her Thunderbirds comparison posts). He’s the only Tracy whose hair is obviously styled to perfection which - like the whole lumberjack theme and the fact that he’s the strongest and buffest of the brothers - may or may not be a statement about masculinity (think rooster combs). That manly man shell is hiding a sweet and creative and perhaps even insecure soul, and that juxtaposition is very, very interesting. Virgil cares deeply about his brothers and encourages them to take their talents to new heights, like a typical middle sibling.

Alan is basically a precious puppy with insane astronaut skills. He is hovering between a teenager’s careless perspective of reality and an adult’s experience of how the world is not always what it seems. There’s a lot of evil out there, a lot of danger and potential harm that you can’t always bring to a good ending. Even though he may go and sulk about being told to do his homework, or having to stay put when his big brothers go out on a rescue, Alan clearly adores them to the point where they are his world, and that’s all kinds of heartbreaking/heartwarming to watch. 

Beneath that cheeky, charming exterior lurks a competitive but caring soul, which is one of the things that makes Gordon so precious to me - that, and his loud Hawaiian shirts. Like Virgil, Gordon’s choice of casual wear seems to act as a buffer for emotions and memories that should stay buried and hidden. Even though the show hasn’t yet mentioned that horrific hydrofoil accident, we can assume it’ll always be part of Thunderbirds canon, and with that in mind, Gordon’s sense of humour and ability to wisecrack in any given situation may be more than just a innate talent. Humour is a way of dealing with trauma, and rescues are pretty dramatic too, so I’m pretty sure that even if his puns might drive his brothers crazy from time to time, they secretly appreciate Gordon’s role as practical jokester and wetsuit clad bundle of mischief. 

Look up “enigma” in a dictionary and chances are you’ll come across a photo of John Tracy. He is more than just a precious cinnamon roll of space trash. And if we continue the outfit vs persona thread, John’s almost symbiotic relationship with his IR uniform and the awkwardness of his casual clothes are proof of how much he identifies with that role as opposed to being just a part of the Tracy family. He seems caught between two worlds: Thunderbird 5 in orbit versus Tracy Island down on Earth, as well as being the communications specialist and second oldest brother. When John flees the comfort of home to go to the office, he is actually leaving for a second home, one where he might just feel more at ease because of the distance it creates. Many people in the TAG fandom have already pointed out that John might be autistic and asexual, and I couldn’t agree more: he is certainly capable of emotions and cares very deeply about his brothers, perhaps even too much to the point where it threatens to disable his ability to think and act. John’s complex personality is one of his biggest strengths: it’s a battle between Scott and John to determine who is the actual glue that keeps this organisation and its members together when things go really, really wrong. 

Phew. That’s one rant I had to get off my chest. Now, onto more fic and random screen capping. 

sorry I’ve been making a lot of personal posts tonight (i even lost a few followers lmao) but hey here’s another one! Off to Depression Town folks

I can feel myself mentally slipping back to where I was 9 months ago and I really don’t want that At All as 9 months ago I was just constantly breaking down and crying and self harming and like…I don’t want to deal with all that again.. I went to therapy and got coping methods and got better (well not completely better but a hell of a lot better than i was before) and I don’t want all that to have been a waste of time and effort and I’m trying hard but I am scared that its all just been for nothing and that no matter what I’ll just end up back where I started and just gcufuchcgiyrzhvobhjbsrdvj hah a depression amirite?! *studio audience laughter in the background*

But yeah it sucks when as well as being mentally fucked I’m also physically fucked up as well, it’s like the worlds worst buy one get one free deal but I’ve already made a few posts about how physically fucked over I am so I’m going to try and stop whining about that (though honestly the only reason I’m whining rn is that my legs hurt so much I can’t sleep lmao)

I’m pretty sure I’ll never be completely better either mentally or physically and I’m not saying that to be a pessimistic fuck I’m saying it bc it’s true but yeah if I’m being honest I’d do anything for there to be a magic cure where a doctor waves a wand and goes “ta da!! Your depression and cfs/me are gone!!” But instead I get people telling me that if I drink five buckets of green tea every month during a full moon and do six hours of yoga every day whilst eating a kale sandwich then I’ll be *~*~cured~*~* like full offense but fuck off Carol and you can shove your healthy people nonsense up right up your ass