not when i already like someone else too

8

I know who I am.

Don’t cry I said softly
I hate it when you cry
and she looked at me like I could
put stars in the sky
and I didn’t have the courage to tell her
that I am just a rock
and yet she is this star  
because sometimes the way she looks at me
makes me feel like I can do anything
There’s a poison in all of us
and we fight to keep it at bay
thinking no one can see our demons
until there is someone who sees it all
and chooses to return each day
It was 4am and she peeled her mask away
and underneath she was tired
so she asked me to stay
and I was too shy to tell her
my heart was over the line
because I was already thinking
I could be hers and she could be mine
I know we’re all just afraid here
to let someone in
It’s when they get too close
and knit themselves into your skin
you think where else can you go
If you see them in everything  
I’ve been getting older
sorting though moments I cannot define
but she brings light
to a cave that is dark
and I know it’s a sign
I am a solar system
with crashing comets and star clusters
and in all my pieces
joined together in my super nova
I can feel a piece that isn’t even me anymore
It’s her

Pearl is White Diamonds Pearl

So I saw a short theory about this and someone has probably already pointed out these new details but I need to get this out.

SO LET’S GET STARTED SHALL WE. 

First things first we know that Pearls are servants on Homeworld. Peridot explains this when they first start work on the drill. But she also mentions something else. 

“And she looks like a Fancy one too. So who do you belong to anyway?” 

Yes, yes Peridot that is the question. So our Pearl is a Fancy Pearl. Peridot also claimed just before this that Pearls are ‘made to order.’ so I’m assuming you’d have to be more important to have a Pearl made more ‘fancy’ than the regular made to order ones. 

Now the biggest detail that has recently come up is Pictures of the Diamonds and their Pearls. Let’s look at Blue Diamond and her Pearl. 

First thing’s first that I want to point out is their Palate, Blue Diamond is Obviously dark blue and her Pearl is a lighter blue. More importantly their Gem positions. Both are located on their chest. Okay sure they match but it’s not just Blue Diamond. IN the most recent episode ‘Message Received’ we see Yellow Diamond and her Pearl. 


Same color Palate, and gem in the same spot.On top of this their hair styles mimic their owners as well. I’m assuming these are indicators for who they belong to, so they are more easily identifiable compared to the supposed hundreds of Pearls running about on Homeworld. 

So that being said lets take a look

They both have their Gems on their heads. Based on her name and mural White Diamond has a white color Palate, like our lovely Pearl. The murals show the gem’s actual hairstyle as seen below

So we can assume that white diamonds hair is like our Pearls, spiked up in the back. EDIT: I also noticed that if you look at the pearls compared to their owners they also have outfits that mimic their diamonds as well!

Many people have thought that Pearl belonged to Rose, as did I. But if what I pointed out here applies then if Pearl is Fancy and should match her owner then she should be light pink, with her gem on her stomach, possibly curly hair and similar outfit. 

But that’s just a theory. A GEM THEORY

THANKS FOR READING

ok so imagine this:

  • Eggsy being particularly good at like Resisting Torture and Interrogation training. 
  • like they literally try to freeze him to death and he just grins at them like, alrigh’ smallfry, wot’s next, already did this when I wos ten, try ‘arder.
  • He’s spent most of his life being hurt and unable to fight back, because Dean would’ve tortured him when he was a kid, before he learned to mask away the Good Child altogether and turned into someone who can take a hit.
  • Eggsy would’ve taken it too, because it’s either him or it’s his mum or Daisy and he’d rather die than let that happen
  • Plus he’s from one of the shittier parts of town, so everyone else in his neighborhood contributed to his ‘education’ too.
  • Merlin being really impressed that a young man can handle something even grown men flinch away from, before realizing just what that would entail.
  • Merlin talking about it to Harry and roping him into doing some research
  • the two of them retroactively turning into raging, overprotective lunatics
  • because by the time Eggsy was ten, he already had more broken bones than Harry’s had during his entire tenure with Kingsman
  • and the time with the hypothermia and the cigarette burns gone septic
  • Eggsy just standing off to the side and facepalming because tHAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO WHY ARE WE AT THE HOSPITAL NOW?! Broken bones don’t take years to heal, Harry, what the fuck. Jfc, Merlin, if you don’t stop menacing the nurses I s2g.
  • but he feels warm because they’re being idiots, but they’re his idiots and they’re reacting badly to his being hurt even if it was forever ago and he can’t stop smiling even as he tries to drag them back to HQ.
  • which, Harry Hart and Merlin are forces of nature, by themselves. Good luck trying to tame their combined power when they’re on a rampage about something that they Strongly Believe In, or whatever.

anonymous asked:

Here's a challenge for ya ;) I'll give you 3 words and you must write a few lines of Destiel using them. The words are: ass, hot, bacon. GO GO GOOOOOO!!!!!! -runs away cackling-

Castiel is feeling antsy and it’s clear that something is bothering him.  

“What’s the matter, Cas?” Sam puts his mug down but not before sipping his already cold coffee.

“Um, no nothing,” Castiel shakes his head, looking around the bunker and avoiding Sam’s gaze.

“How many times should I tell you that you are a shitty liar,” Dean closes the book he’s reading, staring at his angel friend.

The blue-eyed seraph rubs his neck awkwardly, feeling his cheeks heat up.

“What do you do when you like someone?” he mumbles quietly. “How do you let them know?”

“Is there someone you like?” Dean asks interested, his voice filled with curiosity and maybe something else too. 

“Yes, I think so,” Castiel nods seriously.

“Well, compliments are your friends, Cas,” Sam chuckles. “Give them the best one you can manage. Impress them!” 

“Compliments?” Castiel parrots.

“Mhm,” the younger Winchester nods. “Tell them what you like about them.” 

“I see,” the angel murmurs softly. 

There is a stretched pause and then like a roll of thunder Castiel’s voice booms:

“Dean, your ass is so hot I could fry a bacon on it.” 

The older Winchester chokes on his beer and is thrown into a violent coughing fit, while Sam starts shaking in silent hysteria and is unable to contain himself, feeling how he loses his shit (and maybe mind as well). 

“Good job, Cas!” he howls from laughter and claps the confused angel on the shoulder, while running towards the kitchen before Dean comes to and kicks his ass! 

“What the hell was this, Cas?” Dean stops coughing and wipes his mouth, looking at the angel wide-eyed like he’s eighth wonder of the world.

“I am sorry, Dean. I offended your feelings,” Castel opens and closes his mouth, looking frightened and lost.

“No, no,” Dean raises his hands, seeing the miserable expression on the angel’s face. “I mean, bacon? Why would you…what the hell does bacon have to do with my ass?”

“I-I tried to impress,” Castiel mumbles, dropping his head. “You like fried bacon and…and I like your… Um…I thought it would be a good idea to-to…I’m sorry, Dean.” The angel takes a shuddering breath, having no idea how to continue his disastrous speech. 

Dean stands up from his seat and walks towards him.  There is a gentle smile on his face.

“Cas, don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“You are not angry at me?” Castiel’s blue eyes look so hopeful that it melts something in the hunter’s heart.

“Of course not,” he shakes his head. “And you know what? I liked your compliment, it did impress me,” he adds with a smirk.

“Really?” Castiel’s eyes go wide.

But instead of an answer he gets warm and soft lips pressed against his.  The angel moans into the kiss and cups the hunter’s face with his palm.

“Fucking finally!” the voice that belongs to Sam Winchester exclaims and it’s accompanied with a loud snap. He just got a perfect blackmai material on his cell phone.

“We can continue when I finish kicking his ass,” Dean tells the angel and turns around.  “Sam! Get your sorry moose ass over here!!!”

Castiel just sits there smiling, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, knowing that he won’t be suffering from unrequited love.  

Haikyuu!! & Pokemon Go

I dont know if anyone else done this already, but I couldn’t sleep yesterday night and I started thinking about this, so here’s few of my headcanons I came up with:

Karasuno

  • Hinata is team Instinct and is really excited about the whole thing, he also loves Spark very much and defends the team whenever someone else says bad stuff about it
  • Kageyama didn’t know about the game for long time, because let’s be honest, he’s mostly focusing on volleyball and his daily milk. BUT when it gets more popular in Karasuno and like everyone is already playing it, he gets the app too. He would probably chose team Mystic because he likes blue color and the team leader looks cool
  • ((you know what, I totally need to mention here that i love the headcanons about non-binary Kags, so as another thing why he would choose Mystic is because Blanche is also nb and Kags likes them even more))
  • other Karasuno on team Mystic are: Ennoshita, Asahi and Narita.
  • on team Valor are Suga, Noya, Tanaka, Kiyoko and Tsukishima
  • Daichi, Yamaguchi, Yachi and Kinoshita are with Hinata on team Instinct

Nekoma

  • Most of the Nekoma guys are on team Valor
  • except Kenma, who chose team Mystic to annoy his teammates about it
  • and also Lev who accidentaly clicked on team Instinct, but who found out he likes that team even more than Valor now
  • Yamamoto insist they all go around after practices to take over gyms
  • Kenma trails with them and from time to time takes one of Valors gyms and puts there a pokemon with low cp
  • Kuroo is that guy who can’t transfer like any of his pokemons to the professor, he keeps them all and gives them cat’s names
  • Fukunaga and Inuoka have the most pokemons with the highest cp from the team

Fukurodani

  • Bokuto is on team instinct, like he was born to be on this team. he’s also very happy Hinata is on the same team, and when they meet for games with Karasuno, they chat about all the things they love about it
  • Akaashi is team Mystic
  • when is shared practice game with Nekoma, Akaashi and Kenma will team up to take down more gyms from team Valor and Bokuto loudly cheers on them
  • Konoha is team Valor, Komi and Sarukui are Instinct and the management girls, Yukie and Kaori are team Mystic

Aobajousai

  • Oikawa is team Mystic and he convinced Iwaizumi to be on the same team
  • Mattsun and Makki are team Valor, and if they see that Oikawa or Iwa took over a gym (Oikawa probably tells about that to everyone he meets), they will always take it for team Valor, and text about it to Seijou group chat so they can immediately know Oikawa’s reaction
  • Kyoutani, Watari are team Instinct, Kunimi and Kindaichi are Mystic, and Yahaba is team Valor

Shiratorizawa

  • Tendou is the first one to get hands on this app, he chooses team Valor, then probably tells about it to everyone on the team, and convinces them to play it too
  • Ushijima at first is not sure what is the purpose of the game, but quickly gets caught up in it, he joins team Valor because of Tendou
  • Goshiki also is on team Valor mostly because he wants to be on the same team as Ushijima
  • Semi, Reon and Shirabu are team Mystic, Yamagata and Kawanishi join team Instinct

Other

  • Aone and Koganegawa are team Instinct, Futakuchi and Kamasaki are team Valor and Moniwa and Sakunami are team Mystic
  • Terushima is team Instinct and he really likes Spark and the yellow aesthetic of the team
  • Daishou is team Mystic just so he can be the ultimate rival with Kuroo


((ups this got long. sorry if there are any mistakes, and again it’s just my headcanons, feel free to agree or disagree))

Today, I fucked up by buying a game called Life is Strange to cheer a friend who recently broke up.

Obligatory: this happened last nigh, so still within 24 hours.

My friend (whom we will call Jake), got dumped by his girlfriend for someone else. Knowing him since early teens, i knew he always took stuff like this too hard. I immedietally called him when i found out. He was already a crying mess. So being the good friend i am, i offered to go out for drinks so he can take his mind off her. We go into a nice bar and have us a few beers. I took the classic route: “Bruh she wasn’t worth it, there are other fish in the sea, she was a ho i told you, bla bla bla” but no that wasn’t working (in retrospect: when did that ever work?) Jake only got mildly drunk (he is a very lightweight drinker) and that only make him more miserable.

So we got out of the bar. Keep in mind that i was also tipsy as well. But i knew i shouldn’t leave him alone in a state like that, so i said that we could take his laptop from his dorm, then go into my place, order some pizza and play some Counterstrike. So we played for around two hours, eating pizza and drinking more beer. After seeing that Jake’s mood finally improved i decided to (note that we are both drunk at this point) gift him a game from Steam. Jake likes adventure games very much, so i search for adventure games and this game called Life is Stange pops up. I saw that it had very positive reiviews, and instantly gifted him a copy. When he saw the game (that we both didn’t know much about beforehand) he got happy and started downloading it right away. I was very tired at that point, so i told him i was going to sleep because i have a class tomorrow and went off the bed. I woke up at noon, because drunk me set the alarm at 8:00 PM. I instanlty recognize an acrid, weird smell hung in the air. I got out of the room and see him laying facedown on his puke, a half finished bottle of vodka in hand. I go into instant panic mode, screaming “oh shit fuck shit” and frantically checking to see if he’s breathing. He is alive, but i can’t wake him up at all. I had to call an ambulance. They came in and took him off after 10 minutes. I followed them to the hospital. The doctors told me that he won’t have any lasting harm but he probably won’t wake up for half a day or so. I left my number to a nurse to call me when he woke up, and went back to my house to clean up the mess.

The pool of dried puke proved to be more than i could deal with. I called some cleaning guys to deal with it. I had to pay extra when they saw the mess. Then i took Jake’s laptop with me to the bedroom, plugged it in and tried to boot it up to pass time. Surprisingly, it wasn’t turned of at all and the game i bought was running. Might as well see what this game is about, so i started a new save file and played from the begginning. For the uninitiated: It starts out just like another high school drama where our character has a superpower. Cliché. But then things got interesting, then things got so interesting that i couldn’t get up except bathroom breaks, then the game took a very unexpected trip on the feels train that i was played it in teared-up mode for the last hour. By the ending i was loudly crying my fucking ass off (check the reactions on forums). I turned it off, went back to my freshly cleaned living room and took a large gulp from Jake’s leftover vodka.

After drying my tears off i got curious about how far did Jake play. So i went back to his laptop and boot it up to see his save file. FUCKING COMPLETED. Only then i realized what the fuck have i done. If the game made me cry like a fucking bitch then i coulnd’t even imagine what did it do to him after a fresh breakup. Might as well snuff a fire out by pouring gasoline over it. So here i sit, waiting a call from the hospital while wanting to slap myself.

TIFU: Internet`s best fucked up stories are here.

Your mother called me
the other day to tell
me you aren’t dead,
and I told her I knew this already,
and then she asked me why
all my poems about you
sound like a last breath
when we are both still
breathing.

I tell her that I have turned
into a graveyard of things I could
never say without my voice
cracking
and I miss you so much
I hate you,
and she tells me you miss me too
but hangs up before I can
ask if you are holding hands
with someone else now.

I keep rereading the same lines
to poems I wrote when you still
loved me,
and none of it makes sense
anymore.
I hope one day you will come back
to explain them
because I keep forgetting.
And I guess you’re the only one
who would understand
the words written about your own skin.

Please promise to come back
before they fade away.
Please promise to come back before
they start to taste like something
rotting.

—  Y.Z, The call I couldn’t make

I started the All For The Game series on a whim. I saw someone who liked similar things to me liked it and thought “oh sure I’ll take that up”

Except it isn’t in any library.

It isn’t online.

It doesn’t have a Wikipedia page.

The author, Nora Sakavic, doesn’t have a Wikipedia Page.

I was already in too deep when a thought occurred.

“Maybe it doesn’t exist” 

but it is on Amazon.

No where else. Just Amazon.

Lucky me remembering I have a Kindle :D

But then I start it and just….I never read a summery thingy on it so the fact it was revolving around a fake sport blind sided me. So did the whole butcher thing.

Anyway. It made me really care about Neil right off the bat because he had no one else to care about him. It also made me protective of him.

And then what happens? Fucking racket to the lungs is what. And its like. I just adopted him. Can you not? 

So boom I already care way too much considering it’s not even past the first chapter. You know what that means?

It means I care about what he cares about and what he cares about is Exy which I wouldn’t give two shits about if he wasn’t in love with the sport.

And that. That is how you make someone who hates sports love a made up sport. Nora is a genius and cracked the system. Give her a round of applause.

Danny Vinyard: So I guess this is where I tell you what I learned - my conclusion, right? Well, my conclusion is: Hate is baggage. Life’s too short to be pissed off all the time. It’s just not worth it. Derek says it’s always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can’t top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you’d like. ‘We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.’

American History X (1998)

3

These caps aren’t very good, but I thought it was interesting that Dean has all these books and files on his bed after being “cured”.  What’s he doing there?  Is he looking for more information on the Mark of Cain?  Is he trying to figure out if what he’s feeling now is what a recently cured demon should be feeling?  I’ve seen someone else mention this already, but his little forlorn face when Sam said, “welcome back, Dean” sure looked to me like he wasn’t so sure he really was back.  I absolutely agree with everyone who thinks Dean isn’t cured to the extent that Sam would like to think he is.  I think Dean agrees, too, and it’s scaring him enough to try to research it a bit on his own.

anonymous asked:

I'm definitely no expert on love but isn't two weeks too short to be ready 'to do anything' for someone else? I really have no real experience so maybe you could shed some light on this topic for me. Knowing someone for such a short time, that is more infatuation than love though, right?

I think Magnus does genuinely feel very intensely for Alec. Magnus is a man who experiences emotions deeply. But, you have to remember, too, that this isn’t all about Alec because human beings are inherently self-interested. Magnus wants this relationship with Alec not just for Alec, but for himself. The idea of losing it so quickly is heartbreaking to him because they’ve hardly had the chance to explore it.

On both sides, Alec’s and Magnus’, when they’re willing to go to great lengths for the other, it isn’t strictly about them being selfless for their partner, although there’s that element, too. It’s also about the other person’s role in their life. Right now, Alec represents a bright spot for Magnus, one he hasn’t seen in a long time, and the same goes for Alec, re: Magnus. Their entire world is pretty much going to shit: Magnus has lost his best friend of centuries and numerous warlocks; Alec has lost his parabatai and his parents will hardly acknowledge him – but this budding relationship between them is one of the rare good things that’s happened in the past 2-3 weeks.

Basically, there weren’t a lot of happy moments for either Magnus or Alec in season 1. But of those that did occur, a good portion of them involved Magnus and Alec being together, getting to know each other and tentatively exploring their feelings, whether you want to label it love or not. So I think if you view it through that lens, it makes perfect sense why Magnus is willing to go so far to protect not just Alec, but also the relationship itself.

~TalentSwap, Part One: Dancing With Death, Begin! ~

Lalalalala! It’s 2 in the morrrrrnnnning and I’m awake and I’m editing this fic and I’m getting sleepy and I’m like, yoooo. This is okay now 030 Probably ahahaha (I’m always self-concious of my writing and art stuff it’s what I do >.>;;) This is part one, of a three-part special! (Because when part 3 comes out, it’ll be my one-hundredth fic XD)

Anyways, to quick recap what I think I’ve already said a few times by now (if you’ve heard this all already just skip this paragraph XD) TalentSwap is switching up the talents of the NDRV3 students as a motive, effectively creating a unique scenario with murderers and such, like, you can’t say Iruma killed the victim because an elaborate invention was used, because Iruma isn’t the inventor, someone else has her talent! 030 Based on that reddit theory that I’m too tired to find (I should probs reach out to that person and so ‘yo, making your theory into a fic, huh?) 

I’ve changed the POV from Kaede to someone else btw, and I’m gonna work on the plot of part two tomorrow and write it up! Ahaha, this is fun ^3^ Ah, anyways, like I said, this first part covers ‘Daily Life’, with the next part covering ‘Investigation’ and then finally, that last fic will be ‘Class Trial’ 030

Maybe in the future, I’ll write more trial fics… hmm… we’ll see ^3^

Ah, also, thank you to @hellofriend304​ for editing and looking through and all that jazz ^3^!!!!!! 

Enjoy this part one of this story, ahahaha >:V!!!

Warning: Uh… standard Danganronpa game stuff, you know, characters angsting and characters dying and general, murder mystery vibes 030 I hope you guys have fun with the mystery aspect and all, ahahah! >:V Enjoy ^3^

~TalentSwap, Part One: Dancing With Death, Begin! ~

The last thing Maki could remember was Monokuma’s cackle as he gleefully decreed a new motive before smoke flooded the room, the noxious fumes knocking everyone out. The next thing Maki knew, she was groggily waking up on the floor of the gymnasium, her head foggy as she slowly sat up. She looked around as her fellow classmates also woke up, dazed and disorientated.

“Puhuhuhuhu! Looks like my sweet students are awake!” Monokuma cheered, his loud voice perking everyone up.

“Wha… What the hell? What’s going on?” Kaito grumbled, slowly getting to his feet. “I thought you were going to present a motive, not knock us out…”

“Huh? But I did present the motive!” Monokuma giggled, “Why don’t you see for yourselves?”

And as Monokuma said that, a panicked cry erupted from one of the students.

Keep reading

spacentrash  asked:

do you know any good victuri fics i should read or should recommend to others?

OH BOY HERE ARE A SELECT FEW OF MY FAVORITES (i’ve read so much and bookmarked so little forgive me i’ll find more later and reblog myself with some):

Actually Appropriate

A Kingdom Made of Fire and Ice by bibliomaniac

Of Love and Other Emotions (a series by smudgesofink)

A Safe Place to Fall by uchiuchi

Take My Hand - Take My Whole Life Too by shingeki_no_llama (which, T&S anyone? I’ve been crying for millennia)

When I Think of Tomorrow, There We Are

Я тебя люблю

and Music To His Ears, all by PrettyInPurple00 who is @princessofnewcorona here on Tumblr

Hhhhhoootttttttttttt, I’m burning

Touch and Go by Ashida

Housekeeping! by meiratyn

Here’s a WIP I like

like your french girls by ebenroot

Here’s someone else’s post and I liked all of these

kanaerael on tumblr’s post (i’d feel bad for linking but i already liked and reblogged)


anyone else got stuff to add? c:

6

What happens to a woman’s pride before and after she fell in love?

Before:

As much as the Bible says that we are all equal and created in the image of God. We are still different, from our soles to crown, and from our pores to our own DNA’s. If we would talk about men and women, we’re not only different because of physical attributes. But we are also different with our own individuality. For men, are created with high built egos. While, women are created with high pride. And, I wouldn’t tackle about men’s ego because they are too mainstream, but instead tackle about women’s pride.

The moment a woman is born, it is already given that she has a pride in her veins. She might not be too stubborn or arrogant, to point out that she is a woman full of pride. But she shows it in every move she takes. In a discreet way, like when her mom kept on comparing her with someone else, she would try to sort out her strengths against that person she’s being compared at, just to situate her pride again. Or, in a competitive way, when she saw her rival, top higher than her, there’s a feeling that she wants to study more and be in a top higher than her rival. Or, in a strong-willed way, when she finds out that her bestfriend will be confronting her, she will always think of things how she would look like the winner in the confrontation.

After: 

But when she fells in love, she’s already tamed. She doesn’t care if she’ll call him consecutively at the middle of the night. She doesn’t care if she’ll flood him with messages of desperation. She doesn’t care is she’ll cry and plead face to face.

Because she loves him so much. 

She loves him so much that she forgot all her pride, because that man is way too precious than pride. She loves him so much that she thinks that her pride, is no longer about keeping her dignity, but instead it’s keeping that one person she loves.

And I think, that’s the nature of love. Love is when you don’t care about what would people would say, because he’s the only one that matters. 

Now usually when I upgrade to superior copies of my books I just shuffle off those old begotten versions to the local op shop for recirculation that way, but in light of recent discussions I’ve decided to give away the paperback copy of the Raven Boys here. 100% free. I’m cooler than Book Depository; I’ll ship it anywhere.

So like this post. You get a free non-pirated book. maggie-stiefvater still got sales for it. I gain a space on my bookshelf, giving me an excuse to buy yet more book! Everyone is happy–well, except for those who don’t win.

Rules:

  • only likes count; reblog only if you want someone else to know about it
  • don’t need to be following me; in fact, please don’t follow me
  • don’t be that guy! Don’t enter if you already have a copy of The Raven Boys. This is a giveaway for the Adams of the booklr world.

I may throw in the paperback copy of The Dream Thieves too–assuming my bookstore has any copies available when I go in tomorrow and that I don’t blow all my money on the Popular Penguin sale they are having.

I’ll do the draw on the 20th June, so make sure I your ask box is open at that time.

Justice Smith Almost Lost Himself in The Get Down: The 21-year-old actor on the challenges of method acting, his short-lived experience on Nickelodeon, and why it’s hard to book roles as a biracial actor.

That [method acting] sounds like an intense process. Were there particularly difficult scenes to shoot?
The whole process was difficult because it was the first time I felt as an actor I was escaping myself rather than expressing myself. This is maybe too much information, but we had period underwear, so I would strip completely down and start with the underwear. I would already have my hair done, and then as I’m getting dressed as Zeke, I become Zeke. As soon as I got into costume I would be in dialect and in voice the entire 16 hours we were on set and I did that every single day because I felt it wouldn’t be genuine otherwise. I didn’t know that that actually is a burden on your soul because when you’re acting like someone else, you push yourself to the side. It’s basically a form of repression and it builds up. You’re just like, “I want to come out but I can’t.” It’s awful and then there were days I would just go home and bawl because — I’m flustered even talking about it — the lines get blurred and you’re like, What is me and what is the character? Am I really like this or is that just him? Once you get some separation from it you realize who you are again. You always come back to yourself because you can’t change who you are. You can only do it temporarily. In the moment it’s scary. To the point where there were some days I felt I wasn’t fully in it because I was afraid to go all the way. My biggest fear was, What if I don’t come back? What if I don’t return to who I am?

How would you bring yourself back?
Listen to music that I like that was not hip-hop, or watch movies that I liked or wear clothes that I would wear. But because we had such long days and because I would get there at six in the morning, leave at like two in the morning, go to bed, wake up, and then go back to set, I didn’t really have time to really return to myself. It takes a while. There were even moments where I would hang out with my friends on the weekends and I couldn’t help but talk like Zeke. I would hear certain vowel changes coming through, or I would use certain grammar that he would use, and I’m like, That’s not me, why am I doing that right now? It’s a really hard job, but I’m so grateful for it. I feel like I’m coming into my own. This is what has saved my life on multiple occasions, acting — what’s gotten me through very hard times was, well, at least I get to act. It’s the one thing I hold dearest to my heart, so if it hurts and if it’s a struggle, I’m willing to do it because I owe my life to it.

You stay in character?
Yeah. I’m really interested in the method — I would like to grow into one of those actors who are able to live fully in a character. I do that with this part, but I would like to take it further. I’m just trying to do that in this age where method acting is used as a marketing tool rather than an actual method. So I’m just trying to find the authenticity and the genuineness in the method rather than doing it for some lavish, superficial benefit. I almost didn’t talk about how I stayed in voice on set because I didn’t want people to know.

I have problems with method, because sometimes it’s just an excuse to be an asshole. Like Jared Leto. And Daniel Day-Lewis is one of my favorite actors, but I’ve heard stories about him being not so nice to the crew because he wants to really be immersed in the character. I try to find a good balance where I can be nice, professional, but I can also do my job, which is live this person’s life and live this moment authentically. In between takes, usually people know when I’m being silent that means I don’t really want to talk. Sometimes I will have to just be short with people and they understand that. Other times I’m like, “Hey, hey! What’s up man? How’s it going?” so it kind of counter balances it and I don’t just come across as a dick.

There was a moment between takes for one scene where I was bawling and I was talking to myself. The director came over and said, “You want to stay there for a little bit?” I just didn’t hear it, but then you remove yourself and you’re like, Oh, shit. I was being a crazy person.

Don't Give Up! | kurosamaofsuwa

If Kurogane weren’t already too close to the line between Life and Death… Fai would have killed him.

The stupid asshat (and he was an asshat, stupid stupid how dare he put himself into the line of danger for someone else didn’t he realise didn’t he know he was needed too of course he did and it didn’t matter the sacrificial asshat) had been sleeping for far too long now. Words like ‘trauma’, ‘coma’, and ‘brain damage’ were thrown around for awhile, at first, when Fai had heard updates and then-

n o t h i n g .

Nothing, because Kurogane’s family had cut him off, for some reason, Fai didn’t even know. But, he could deal with it. Unhappily. But he could, and be pleasant about it, and even if he couldn’t see Kurogane, Fai still came to the hospital every day, asked every day if he could see him and how he was, and every day there was no change.

[[ @kurosamaofsuwa​ ]]