not what i am

@thunderboltsortofapenny said: No no let’s do this! Why would steve need to be fake married. Or why would bucky need to be fake married to Steve. We need a reason. #Viper do the thing #It’ll be fun!

So I did the thing, and it’s stupid and terrible, but here, have it:

Bucky’s an EMT. Normal guy, just living his life, trying to help where he can. And then one day, all of a sudden, the aliens are invading NYC, and Bucky’s out there helping, right in the middle of the danger zone because of course he is.

There’s a fight going on, and a bunch of freaks in weird suits seem to be fighting the aliens, but Bucky doesn’t have much time to focus on anything other than all the people in dire need of medical attention. He does what he can to help, grabs the first metal bar he can find and fights only the aliens getting in his way, and works himself to exhaustion. Then there’s a blast, and it sends a man flying right into the wall next to him.

“Hey, you okay?” Bucky asks, rushing to help him, and though Bucky could’ve sworn the blow was hard enough to crush anyone’s ribs, he’s surprised to see the man–who must’ve been on his way to a costume party–stand up practically unscathed.

He’s got broad shoulders and a strong jaw and eyes of the prettiest shade of blue Bucky’s ever seen, and even with his face covered in soot and grime and blood, Bucky’s heart skips a beat.

For a few seconds the man seems a bit disoriented, then he finally registers Bucky’s presence. “What are you doing here?? Get out of the streets!”

“I was–” Bucky starts, and is cut off by an explosion right above their heads and a bunch of debris raining down on them, and a hand shoving him aside.

When he comes to, which is a surprise in itself, the dust has started to clear, and the man who’s clearly saved his life is carrying him as if he weighed nothing, concern in those beautiful eyes and a big, warm hand pressed tenderly against Bucky’s neck, checking for a pulse.

He locks eyes with Bucky and sighs in relief, the hint of a smile on his plush lips, but the hand remains where it is. “Hi,” he says. “You all right?”

“Y-yeah… Thank you,” Bucky replies, but he doesn’t move to free himself of the man’s arms. His stomach is doing something weird, and the man surely has other people to rescue, but for a few seconds they both just stay there, shell-shocked and staring at each other like the world around them has stopped.

Then something blows up nearby, and the spell is broken.

Carefully, the man helps him to his feet, makes sure Bucky’s in one piece, and then says, “Find shelter, okay? Stay inside.”

Bucky’s not planning to, but he can’t find it in him to tell that to this incredible man, so he slowly licks his lips and nods. Before turning around to leave, the man offers him a small, shy smile.

- - - - -

During the next few weeks after the Chitauri attack on NYC, every single piece of footage of the Avengers fighting against the aliens and helping civilians goes viral. Phone videos, security cameras, blurry pics.

The most popular, by far, is a snapshot of Captain America carrying a guy, who can be seen fighting aliens and helping people in other videos, bridal style, thumb caressing his jaw, and both looking like lovestruck teenagers.

Bucky can’t go to the grocery store or even do his job without being stalked by the paparazzi or Cap’s groupies or just random people wanting to know what his Avenger name is, and for how long he’s been dating Captain America.

- - - - -

“You’ve ruined my life!!” Bucky tells him, because of course, of course Captain America would pick Bucky’s park for his morning run. Of course Bucky’d slip on wet leaves on the pavement precisely this morning, and of fucking course Captain America would just happen to be around to catch him at just the right time. Bucky’s seeing red.

“I’m sorry,” Captain America says, and it’s extremely unfair just how genuine and how much like a kicked puppy he looks.

Christ, Bucky wants to punch him.

- - - - -

Steve’s been living in PR hell.

He’s spent the past weeks “saving” girls and boys alike from getting hit by a bicycle, or fainting, or a fuckton of equally stupid shit.

The second anyone spots Captain America, there’ll suddenly be some kind of dangerous situation going down, and someone hoping Cap will carry them bridal style to safety and maybe fall head over heels in love with them in the process.

Steve is tired and done and ready to get back in the ice for another few decades, and shares Pepper’s worries that someone might actually put themself in real danger soon.

“We should handle this before it gets worse,” Nat says. And Steve agrees, of course, but he just doesn’t know how.

“Just marry the guy,” Clint suggests.

Steve almost chokes to death on his own spit.


Clint shrugs. “Why not? Half the world already thinks you’re dating…”

“Clint, he hates me…”

“Only cause people keep pestering him about this. If you two get married it’ll be a circus, but then it’ll blow over. He can’t even do his job right now, right? So you pay the guy for the trouble, yadda yadda, then when this is over you two get a quick divorce, and that’s it. Problem solved.”

For two minutes, no one else opens their mouth. Then:

“He’s got a point…”

“Tony, no,” Steve whines.

“You saw the footage, how he was helping those civilians… If you have to marry someone, he’s not a bad candidate,” Nat says, and then smirks. “Plus, he’s cute.”

Steve already knows he’s lost this battle, but that doesn’t help him feel any better about this. Yes, he’s cute. Yes, he’s a brave and kind and smart guy. Yes, Steve could very easily pretend to be married to him for a while and yes it’d help them both. None of that’s the problem.

The problem is that he kind of really likes the guy.

The problem is that the guy hates him.

This is a really, really bad idea.


Some doodles I saved up of the HTTYD girls

Anakin Skywalker: smooth operator

@resistancepilots re. the subject of Naboo and Mandalore’s war for the heart (and dick) of Obi Wan Kenobi:

The first blow is struck by Anakin, who sends Obi Wan a bouquet of ultraviolet Coruscanti roses and a note that reads:

Sith blades are red,
Jedi’s are blue,
Satine is the worst,
We should totally screw.

Hahaha why are you spending time with some rando bounty hunter and a stuffy duchess, Master? Anyway, Padme and I would loooovve to have you visit us in Naboo.



Satine gets a hold of the letter and Has Never Been So Offended In All Her Life. She sends Anakin back a letter with a picture of Obi Wan tied spread eagle to her bed looking completely Wrecked, his groin tastefully hidden by an artfully arranged sheet, and a box of novelty chocolates called “General Kenobi’s Lightsabers” with a note that they’ve “almost as delicious as the real thing.” It all goes downhill from there.

anonymous asked:

I genuinely hope you find happiness in England, and I hope the nhs can help you- free healthcare rocks :> <3

ME. FUCKING. TOO. this year has been a /catastrophe/ for me as someone chronically and mentally ill and not getting the healthcare ive needed…

man like the month i just spent in London w Sam was so good and it was so good FOR me…before i left i was so sick, i didnt think id be able to do ANYTHING while i was there…but it was amazing, being able to be with someone i really loved, who wanted to help me manage all my problems without any complaints (they went and bought a ton of food that i could eat before i even got there bc i have weirdly specific dietary needs lmao) and it was just. so nice. we were able to watch out for each other and we both benefitted from it so much. i was still sick, i still had pain and fatigue and anxiety but i also had THEM and they didnt hold any of my disability against me even once. and after a relationship where i was routinely manipulated as a result of the help i needed just to live with my illnesses, it was…world-changing.

and if i could get good health care ON TOP OF THAT boy oh boy we are in business i might actually be able to really focus on my art again and start living the life i WANT 

Have you ever wanted to be overstimulated? Blast the music as loud as you can while playing with something with a strange texture? Scream and run and laugh and cry and take in all the colors of the world? Does anyone else crave physical contact, but not just embraces, but any contact? Playful punches and grass beneath bare feet and music and the sounds of the city? Just show me that I’m here I exist I’m alive. Let. Me. Feel.

SEVENTEEN as Naruto characters

eeeehhh??? What am I doing with my life??? Btw, I never finished the naruto series but I’m watching boruto now so I hope that this was kinda accurate? lol

Seventeen as One Piece characters
One Piece Au!Seventeen

S.coups: Minato

Originally posted by thesupremekaiii

The ultimate dad, cares a lot about his family(members). Is a giant dork.

Jeonghan: Ino

Originally posted by daily-dattebayo

Diva who knows she’s pretty. Is also very kind to the people she likes, bold and she’s very detrimened. Highkey would cheat in competitions if she could.

Joshua: Iruka

Originally posted by moggsi

Very kind, only wants people well and is very loyal.

Jun: Kakashi

Originally posted by demigodxtonio

Dorky pervert who can at the same time somehow be sexy???

Woozi: Deidara

Originally posted by midorkiya

Just really done with everyone around him but can be a dork as well.

Hoshi: Naruto

Originally posted by bokumetsu

Bright, energetic kid with a lot of faith for his friends!

Wonwoo: Itachi

Originally posted by you-are-shinobi

Seems really emo but is actually very kind and caring once you get to know him. Cares a lot about his family (and his members ofc)

DK: Konohamaru

Originally posted by nyaa

Another energetic kid who’s a dork. Is close friends with Naruto/Hoshi.

Mingyu: Kiba

Originally posted by kankurobot

Two word: Dog boy. Mingyu is a giant puppy and Kiba is… well…. a dog whisperer?? lol

The8: Tenten

Originally posted by lady-nounoum

Very very kind and caring and comforts her friends when she needs to. Is also very strong in battle and fights for what she believes in.

Seungkwan: Kushina

Originally posted by anime-food

Will personally whoop anyones ass if they annoy her but is still very family oriented.

Vernon: Killer bee

Originally posted by unfamiliarworld

Once again, two words: “swaggy rapper”

Dino: Rock Lee

Originally posted by meezumaki

Happy kid who wants everyone to be friends