not totally fine with this tbh


Just a update on my existence.

Doctor thinks most likely i have pneumonia ( an infection of the lungs) so I’ve now been on amoxicillin for the past couple of days and I’ve improved quite a lot. No more red when i cough now. So it’s chill. Now it doesn’t hurt to eat hard food so im happy.

Also amoxicillin totally smells like rotten eggs but i’m not in the position to complain too much about that. lmao but it’s cool for now. hopefully nothing more weird shows up this week while they look at my x-rays more. 

but i’m feeling alot better so it’s chill.

Edit: yup I take it 4 times a day ( every 6 hours) so I’ll be fine. It really brought me back tbh

anonymous asked:

I came out to my mom and dad (not by choice) and they laughed and said "yeah right, your only 15" and thought i said it as an excuse to be with boys outside of school but UGH there is so much I could say but not enough space, is it okay for me to be so damn upset? Is it okay that that fucked with my depression and made me feel so childish, small, and immature like I do saying anything to them? They just have a way of making me feel that.. ~max the les anon

it’s completely okay to be upset. you’re actually not overreacting at all and your reaction is pretty normal and sorta mild (i’ve seen some wild people) so it’s totally fine and i agree with you. they should’ve been more accepting tbh


….I went a little overboard with the decorating of the new bullet journal 😅 but i mean, wouldn’t you with this washi tapes???? I’m v busy setting up for next year and I just wanna go back to Pittsburgh tbh but I have to wait til after New Years cuz I’m driving friendos back. Which is totally fine! I’m just a little stir crazy at home 😬 stay safe and beautiful everyone! And Merry christmas and Happy Chanukah and Happy Holidays! 🌸🌺🌼

How to adult on a budget for the lazy and new adulting people (by a not-so-adulty-adult)
  • learn how to cut your own hair. If it’s something easy like an undercut or just trimming your ends every month, you’ll look clean and put together without shelling out $20 every month. (my hair cutting stuff cost like $20 total)
  • if you have to go to a laundromat, make your own detergent. Or just in general. It’s about $15 for everything you’ll need and it’ll make you a solid 6-10 batches depending on how many soap bars you get. 1 bar ivory soap or fels-naptha (ivory works just fine tbh. Cheaper and easier to find) Grate that shit. 1 cup borax and 1 cup washing powder. Mix that shit. 1 tablespoon in the wash. Boom. Add essential oils if you so choose. 
  • On the topic of laundry, throw all your clothes in the same load. Use the cold-cold setting and you can put those red shirts in with your whites with no bleeding whatsoever. (read those tags tho. unless it needs special care, most shirts/pants/socks/underwear can all be thrown together)
  • When money is tight for food, rice, 2 pounds of chicken, some kind of stock or bouillon cubes, and frozen veggies make about 2-3 different meals. 
  • Keep a few bouillon cubes handy tbh. Cook rice in it. Make soup. They’re so much cheaper than stock itself.
  • Coconut oil for everything from actual oil to chapstick to cracked skin. 
  • Baby powder makes a fairly good dry shampoo. Put it on your roots, scrub around, brush out. Boom. 
  • Make scripts for all phone calls you ever have to make to make them go smoother. (bills, doctors, work, etc)
  • Fill 1 side of the sink with water to do your dishes and then rinse with the smallest amount of water possible so you dont end up using a lot of water. 
  • helps you find the cheapest gas near you!
  • Aldi has great cheap groceries
  • If you live alone or with 1 roommate, you don’t really need more than 12 megabyte internet speed. By yourself? Don’t get more than 6 tbh. You won’t need it. 
  • Freeze all meats and veggies! Let’s be honest. You wont be eating carrots every day or that ground beef often enough for it to not go bad, Throw it in the freezer. 
  • Dollar store cleaning supplies save the world. Everything there besides liquid soap is basically just as good. (glass cleaner, bleach, magic erasers, so on and so forth)
  • Dollar stores in general. Most things there will do in a pinch. (earbuds and most electronic/battery powered things are a no-no however)
  • Nail polish remover gets hair dye stains. Hydrogen peroxide gets up blood. Milk for ink. Chalk for oil. 
  • Once you finish using a pot or pan, put hot water in it until you’re ready to clean it. Stuff will just wipe off.

We all joke about the Hobbits getting Way More Than They Signed Up For but you know who else??? You know who I feel is overlooked in that department sometimes??????? Haldir,,,, our homeboy Haldir the elf saw the One Ring and Immediately was like “naw son i ain’t dealing w/ that today” and yet he lets Aragorn convince him that it’ll be cool, totally fine, “Haldir you only have to deal with our problems for a few hours,” and suddenly before you know it whoops Haldir’s back in the mess at Helm’s Deep just to wind up McFreaking Dead

BTS As Best Friends

A/N: Jen and I were chilling on my couch when I thought of this lil thing. I hope you enjoy it! Feel free to send in requests or just come talk to us :) Much love, Alex xoxo

Jin: He’d be the best friend to always take you out to eat at your favorite restaurant, ordering what you usually get before you can even utter a word to your waiter. He’d be the friend to listen to your problems and wait to see if you want advice. If you did, he would be honest and help you decipher the right response or course of action and if you didn’t he would be totally fine with just holding you or helping you take your mind off of things. He’s the type of friend to tell you the shitties jokes just to get you to laugh at how pathetic his attempts are but hey at least he’s trying.

Originally posted by teamoseokjin

Yoongi: He’s an asshole tbh but the type of asshole that only he’s allowed to be an asshole to you. If anyone else tries to be rude to you or hurt you lol good luck to that bitch. He complains a lot about helping you/doing things for you but he’s always got your back right away. (”Yoongi, I’m lost. Can you come help me?” “Jfc you idiot *rolls eyes; is already out the door*). He’s one of the those friends who acts like he’s real chill but then will get you the *thing* you mentioned that you have always wanted in passing for you birthday and just shrug like “well.. I knew you’d like it.”

Originally posted by jeonsshi

Namjoon: Lowkey always tries to touch your a$$ but he’s like “what?? me? never pffttt.” But he loves you a lot (as well as your ass). You also have to play nurse like 25/8 since he’s always hurting himself??? Like, no Namjoon put that dow—*CRASH*  Uh… Y/N can you get the first aid kit *facepalm* Besides his awful clumsiness he’s still a very sweet and caring friend and he would never judge you for your thoughts or actions. He’d be the type of person you could discuss ANYTHING with (even touchy subjects) and it would never get heated or awkward. 

Originally posted by bangtannoonas

Hoseok: SUNSHINE AND SPARKLES AND GLITTER AND ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORLD>>>> no seriously though, you’d be still asleep bc shit you’re tired aND HErE CoMEs ThE SUn (aka Hobi) ACTING LIKE HE’S GOT RAINBOWS SHOOTING OUT OF HIS ASS BC WAKE UP Y/N LETS ADVENTURE… but he’d also be a very serious friend when you needed him to be, always caring for you and making you smile with his silliness. He’d love to make you dance for him and try to teach your choreos; he’d be so proud no matter how good (or bad) you are.

Originally posted by hobipd

Jimin: cute, shy eye smiles for daysssssss.. especially whenever he makes you smile or happy. He’s a cute lil mochi when it comes to you but when you tease him about his height or his smol little hands shittttt, watch out bitch.. tf did you just say about my hands you little, come here! which results in you screeching and running away from the tiny little muscle man. He’d tackle you cute, soft bear hugs and use you as a personal pillow alllllll the time

Originally posted by jikookxkookmin

Taehyung: do you think stars have feelings?? or do you think they realize that they’re falling when they become falling stars? what if they’re not falling by choice I mea– Tae, shut the fuck up. Calls you at the most ridiculous hours about the most ridiculous things. Never lets you pay for your food/coffee/ice cream when you go out together. I’m a gentleman and gentlemen never let the lady pay… Tae, it’s 201–shhhhhhh Somehow convinces you to adopt a puppy together???? (it’s good practice for when we have kids together—whoa what?) The cutest lil bean ever

Originally posted by hellosarang

Jungkook: *pulls up in his car* get in loser, we’re going shopping. Judges your outfits constantly cause you can’t be clashing with him!!! a sweetheart , but he’s still a little shit. Asks your advice on EVERYTHING: appearance, romantic interests, plans, etc. He can’t be 100% sure of something until he’s got your input. Never wants to let you down and refuses to. If you were cold he’d tell you you’re stupid for not bringing a jacket but then make you put your arms through his sleeves so you’re both waddling around like some weird Siamese penguin.

Originally posted by hohbi

i’m noticing that there’s a lot of vips being extremely focused on getting these records beaten and that’s totally fine because it is their last comeback until top’s enlistment and it should end with a bang. i’m here for all of it and i encourage people to stream melon and buy their album if they can tbh.

however, i personally don’t like the narrative that we gotta beat bts or fight with some of these ugly armys (who never represents the entire fandom and this can be applied to any fandom really). bts as a whole are quite talented, wonderful performers and has a really great discography, things that you can find in bigbang too. they look up to bigbang and i’m sure bigbang is proud to have inspired them, just as they felt the same with exo and the many juniors before them.

they have their own lists of achievements as bigbang has theirs, and there’s no need to compare. there’s no need to start shit and there’s no need to defend ourselves over anything. if you’re bothered, don’t look for it. if you don’t like bts, ignore them. but just know that there’s also vips who like/respect bts too and please don’t speak for all of us.

Can you write a fic where someone idc who, has depression and refuses to get help until someone else finds them in a really bad place. Thanks<3 (requested by @thesmoldove)

Enjoy this Christmas angst, kiddos!! Tw for very quick unintentional self harm. It’s not huge, I just don’t want anyone to be triggered! <333333

Alexander was alone. That wasn’t abnormal, though, and, usually, it was fine. And it would’ve been totally fine except that today happened to be Christmas. And Christmas was in winter. And winters in New York were dark and cold and heavy on his shivering shoulders.

For the past two years Alexander had flown back to Virginia, where his adoptive parents lived, and spent the holiday with them and his adoptive brother, Lafayette. But Lafayette was studying abroad in France for the year, and the Washingtons had flown over there to see him. They had practically begged Alexander to come with them, but he refused every time.

He didn’t know why he refused, but he did. And so he was alone in New York, one of the only students left in the dorms, since it was rare for students to request to stay in them over winter break. After doing all the paperwork for it, Alex understood why.

There was only one other person on his floor who had requested to stay for the break, and that person was none other than the macaroni-lover himself, Thomas Jefferson.

When Alex had heard Thomas was staying, it was almost enough to convince him to take Martha up on her offer to fly him out of New York to where they were staying in France. Almost.

If Alex had his way, he’d rarely see Jefferson. But Jefferson, it seemed, had other ideas.

He’d basically coerced Alexander into getting lunch and dinner with him every day of their break so far, and Alex had a feeling Christmas would be no exception. So why he was still under the covers of his bed, curled into himself, wishing he could cry and having no idea why he was wishing such a thing, he did not know.

But anyway, he was not surprised by the obnoxious knocking on his door around nine that Christmas morning.

“Yo, Christmas Ham, get up!”

“You’re vegan, Jefferson, what the hell are you saying?” He shouted back. He pulled the covers over his head, as if Thomas would be able to get into his room without Alex unlocking the door.

Thomas ignored Alexander’s remark and kept pounding on the door, chanting get up, get up, get up as if the words were a spell that would lift Alex out of his bed and force him to unlock the door.

“Leave me alone,” Alexander mumbled. He knew his voice was too soft for Thomas to hear him, but at least he’d tried.

A part of him felt bad for Thomas. It wasn’t Thomas’ fault that winter pressed down on Alex so hard that some days he felt like he couldn’t breathe, like there was a snowstorm in his head, flurries whipping in every direction, making it impossible to see even a foot ahead of him.

And then another part of him said fuck Thomas Jefferson and an even smaller part of him whispered you wish and the larger part kindly squashed that part because hell no Alexander was not going there.

Just then, Alex’s phone started to ring.

“Oh my fucking god,” he mumbled as he answered it. “What do you want, Jefferson?” He’d tried to sound harsh, but, even to his own ears, he just sounded sad.

“Get the hell out here, Hamilton. We’ve got Chinese food to eat all day.”

“Can’t,” Alex said. He considered hanging up after that, but he couldn’t be that mean. Not on Christmas, at least.

“Like hell you can.”

Alex could hear Jefferson both through the phone and through his door. It was a surreal experience, if not slightly nightmareish because two Thomas Jeffersons.

“Sick,” Alex said, which wasn’t a lie, anyway. He just wasn’t sick in the way Thomas would assume.

“Then let me get us food and bring it back to the dorms,” Thomas offered, his voice gentler.

Alexander hated himself. Why couldn’t he just eat Chinese food with Jefferson? Why?

“Nah, you deserve a nice Christmas,” Alex said. “I’ll be fine. You enjoy your Chinese food. Merry Christmas, Thomas.”

And he hung up. And he turned off his phone. And he buried his head in his pillow and finally cried.


“How can you even breathe like that, Hamilton?”

Alexander was in limbo. He was half-aware that something was amiss, that there shouldn’t be another voice so close by, let alone one with a southern drawl. But everything felt so heavy and his mind was working so slowly that he couldn’t be bothered to figure out what, exactly, aside from everything, was wrong.

Suddenly he was on his back, and there was so much light.

“Alex?” The voice was much meeker.

Alexander stammered for a moment before he realized who it was. “How’d you…” He sighed, losing interest in the sentence halfway through it.

“I can pick a fucking lock,” Thomas said as he tentatively took a seat on Alex’s bed, his hip touching Alex’s through the sheets.

“Go away,” Alexander said weakly.

“John warned me, ya know,” Thomas said, cocking an eyebrow at Alex.

“About how much of an ass you are?”

“Ha ha,” Thomas deadpanned. “That you’re depressed. And that you refuse to do anything about it.”

Alex felt the memory of anger shoot through him. When he was this weighted down, all feelings except empty and sad were so faded that they were more like distant memories than actual feelings.

“I’m not depressed,” Alex mumbled.

“And I’m not gonna make you sit up and eat some damn Chinese food,” Thomas sassed.

“I’m not hungry,” Alex snarled, turning on his side away from Jefferson.

“Alex,” Thomas said, his voice gentle again. “Seriously, though. You know you’re depressed, right?”

“I’m fine,” Alex said. He wrapped his arms around the pillow he kept next to the wall and buried his face in it. Why had John told Thomas such a thing? It wasn’t true. Not officially, anyway, since he refused to see anyone about it, much to the Washingtons’ dismay.

Thomas just sighed in response.

Good, Alex thought. He’s getting tired of me. He’ll leave soon.

He felt Thomas get off the bed and heard him set something down on his desk. Then he heard the jangle of keys.

“I’m taking these. I’ll be back soon, and I expect that food to be eaten,” Thomas said. He jangled the keys again.

Alex was too tired to fight him. He wasn’t going anywhere, anyway. Thomas could keep the keys for all he cared.


When Alex next awoke his body ached. The heaviness was getting even heavier. He wasn’t sure he’d ever felt it so much, that it’d ever been this intense.

There was the faint smell of Chinese food in the air, and Alex remembered Jefferson and the Chinese food and the keys and wondered how much time had passed.

He couldn’t devote much brainpower to the thought, though, because the emptiness was all-consuming. Unconsciously, he began to scratch at his arm, pressing harder and harder until his breath caught from the shock of the pain and suddenly there was a hand over his own, quickly pinning his hand to the bed. When Alex tried to fight it off with his other hand, that one got pinned down, too.

“Alex,” Thomas said, voice dripping with sadness.

“Leave me alone,” Alex said. He half-heartedly tried to escape Jefferson’s grasp. That only made the other boy tighten his hold.

“Alex, you’re sick,” Thomas said.

“Fuck you,” Alex muttered. He wanted to either punch Thomas in the face or roll onto his side and bury his face in his pillow.

“No, I mean depression is an illness. Just like any physical illness.”

“Good thing I’m not depres––”

“Oh my FUCKING GOD, ALEXANDER HAMILTON,” Thomas shouted. “How can someone so smart be so dense?”

“Why do you think you can waltz in here and diagnose me?” Alex spat back.

“Everyone sees it,” Thomas exclaimed. He let go of Alex’s hands, and the other boy sat up right away, not wanting to get trapped again.

“Everyone except you, that is, and it’s so infuriating to watch someone you care about be in pain, a pain that can be stopped, mind you, and you can’t even convince them that they can stop it!” Thomas was pacing back and forth across the small dorm room Alex shared with John.

“What makes you think I don’t know that?” Alex said. The memory of anger was getting a little sharper, a bit more palpable.

Thomas stopped and stared at Alex for a moment. “Then why the hell are we still arguing about this?”

“No, I am not talking about my feelings with Thomas Jefferson,” Alex said, crossing his arms.

“Oh my god, don’t be such a baby,” Thomas said, sitting on the bed with Hamilton.

“Wow, way to make this feel like a safe space.” Alex rolled his eyes.

“Fine. I’ll turn off the snark for now.” Thomas rolled his eyes, too.

“Is that even possible?”

“You gotta stop too,” Thomas mumbled.

Thomas took a deep breath and shut his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again and looked at Alex, it was as if he were an entirely different person. Or maybe just a temporarily less snarky one. He looked at Alex expectantly.

“Oh, uhm, right,” Alex said, nervously scratching the back of his neck.

He looked down at the blanket draped across his lap. He hadn’t put that there. Thomas must have. Alex felt his face turning red at the thought so he quickly started to babble.

“I, uh, I know I’m depressed, or whatever. The thing is, that I–– I don’t, well, I don’t deserve to not be depressed, ya know? Like, this is the price I pay or whatever.” Alex waved a hand dismissively and stared at his lap like he’d never seen it before. He knew his face was flaming now.

“Oh, damn,” Thomas muttered, as if he hadn’t been expecting that.

“Shit, it’s Christmas, Thomas. Go do something fun, like watch Elf or eat so much candy and cookies you puke. Just… I’m sorry if I’ve ruined your day.” Alex shook his head. He was being so selfish.

“No, hey,” Jefferson said. He placed a hand on top of Alex’s, which were clasped together in his lap and shaking ever so slightly.

“I just… That’s the depression talking, Alexander. And I know you probably won’t believe me, but you of course deserve help.

Alexander hadn’t been expecting hearing those words to help as much as it did. He suddenly felt just a bit lighter. Just an itty, bitty bit, but it was a start.

“And you haven’t ruined my Christmas at all, Thomas continued. “Actually, trying to figure out what the hell is going on with you was, well, a distraction from missing home. I mean, trust me, I wish we’d just gone for Chinese or watched a movie or gone to Central Park, but I’m just glad I got to spend the day with you.”

Alex felt like he couldn’t breathe, but in a good way. In the best way possible, maybe.

“So, uh, you, uh, wouldn’t be opposed to, um, staying, then?” Alex asked.

Thomas tugged Alex onto his lap and wrapped his arms around Alex’s small frame. “I’d be happy to stay, Alexander. So happy.”

tbh I’m at a point where I almost hope that Victor and Yuuri won’t become romantically involved in canon, because as a borderline aroace person I find their current relationship so amazingly beautiful. there’s just a lot of feelings between them but without any forced romantic or sexual tension - just a lot of admiration and understanding and support and well. love. but in a totally refreshing way? Yuuri said it himself: he doesn’t want Victor to be his lover, nor a friend or something that feels like family. he just wants him to be Victor.
it’s almost as if the viewer can decide themselves how they want to see their relationship - platonic or romantic or whatever. and that’s just so nice.


[caption: two stacked pictures of Cisco Ramon from The Flash TV show. In the first one, Cisco is talking to Barry and says, “I have to go out of the country for a week, but I’m sure you’ll do fine without me. I have total faith in you.” In the second one, he’s talking to the camera and says, “there’s like a 90% chance they’ll all die”.] 

wait what-

tbh i found this fascinating lol bcs a non-fan almost believed that theyre actually together, THUS PROVING that im not being delusional😂

Shit. Birdie propped her hands on her hips, a crinkle appearing between her brows. Here she was, about to take advantage of one of the few nice days Seattle had with a picnic outside - then she goes to put one piece of garbage in the trashcan and her whole basket is gone. “Excuse me?” the pretty woman calls the attention of a passerby, frustration evident in her voice. “Do you have a minute?”

following more blogs!

hi! my dash is really dead and i’ve been trying to look for my past “following more blogs” post but lost it so here it is~ if you post/reblog/makegifsof/makeeditsof any of the following, please reblog so i can check out your blog~~~ c:

  • EXO!!!!! (preferably ksoo, kai, xiumin, sehun, lay … i don’t see them enough on my dash) (but if you reblog any other exo that’s totally fine too, i can’t have enough of baekhyun tbh) 
  • red velvet
  • ailee 
  • taeyeon
  • tao, luhan and/or kris
  • chinese celebrities? probs rare but u know, if u are one…




Octavia isn’t going to die. Period. That’s my 2nd prediction after the one in which I think Bellamy will likely pull the finale lever in Season 4. 

Okay, I’ve got to say something. I’m totally fine that many of you don’t like Octavia. That’s your opinion and … whatever, tbh. But, I’m not gonna lie, it’s super annoying to see all the Octavia hate on my dash every time I peek on here every hour or so. 

Nauseating, honestly. 

I think the hate she gets is a little overthetop, peeps. But, that’s just my opinion. 

I guess what’s annoying about it, too, is that people aren’t sympathetic to a 16 year-old girl whose trauma is pretty significant… and also sympathetic to Bellamy, who loves his sister more than anyone else besides his people as a whole and Clarke. Like, dudes, …the Blake relationship is a central part of the story, and it’s so fucking real when it comes to siblings relationships (I use to hit and bite my brothers, too …SUE ME. It’s not okay, but when a girl has anger problems like I use to…it happens). Honestly, their relationship reminds me of the relationship I once had with my brothers during my teen years. 

Anywho, that’s just my little vent after seeing so much … disdain for her. 

*sigh* but again, that’s just my opinion and I won’t fight you on it. It’s a personal preference, I suppose. 

You do you, fam. 

p.s. I’m not looking for a discussion or a fight. Just wanted to vent. I also don’t think any less of people that don’t like her…I do get it to a point… I just think people get a little crazy about it. 


お母さん | 23:36

“- and I know you won’t be able to pay your bills doing photography, or art, or whatever it is you’re doing there. My offer still stands.”
“Yeah okaasan I know. But I’m doing… fine.”
“Really? How about you come home for this new years, and then we can properly discuss something better for your future than this… this absurd thing you call work-”

Honestly, sometimes I read posts about honoring and worshipping deities through praise and offerings and while I think those who do those things are fine and their path is totally the right path for them, but this always gets me thinking that I must be a damn rude witch. I, like, light a candle and say “Hey, dude, friend, pal, please take this flame and a little bit of my dinner and help me out with this sitch.” And if it works out, I say a quick thank you, but it’s not something I would qualify as ‘praise.’ I’m not quite a worshipper, I’m someone who needs their help for something. 

Sometimes I feel like I must not be doing this whole paganism thing correctly, but tbh I’m also thinking that maybe I’m more like a v casual worshipper. Y’know, someone who says ‘hey pal, haven’t talked to you in a while, wanna help me with this?’ instead of “Praise be unto you, o lord of trickery.”