So I'm in the U.S Navy and today was mentally exhausting. Well I'm currently listening to your March 2017 playlist while taking a bath and it is bringing me back to life, so thank you!
Awwww!! That’s perfect!!!!! If you wanna try another as well, I believe August 2016 is filled with chill songs, cause I compiled them specifically for going back to school! There’s probably quite a bit you would enjoy there, too!!
Author’s note: Sorry I’m late again!! As always, all feedback is sincerely appreciated. Enjoy!
English class is your favorite class.
Since your paper, the past few weeks have been stuffed full of theory readings and poetry analyses. You’ve read Wordsworth, Woolf, and many in between. It’s hard not to get caught up in a world of rhyme schemes and symbolism.
Harry has been overly-avoidant. He didn’t look at you when you handed him your essay, and he hasn’t since. You’re just confused. It’s not clear why his eyes skirt around you when his gaze pans across the classroom, or why they glue themselves to the sidewalk when you pass him outside. But every time you see him or the thought of him merely crosses your mind, all you can think about is that second or two when he was in such close proximity. You can almost smell his cologne and see the thin hair spotting his chin.
U.S. Navy Machinist Mate First Class Fred M. Jones was 30 years old when he was killed on the USS Arizona, 07 Dec 1941. He joined the U.S. Navy in 1929. Until recently, he was interred in Hawaii with other unidentified casualties of the bombing. His remains were identified by the U.S. Navy and his body was brought back to Lakeside Cemetery in Port Huron, Michigan for burial on May 20, 2017. People with American flags lined the route of the funeral procession along the St. Clair River. A large crowd gathered at the cemetery to pay their respects as Jones was buried with military honors.
(Sorry but I couldn’t not include all of them!!! Headcanon: the Crystal GERMS brought all them back to earth, then managed to heal Jasper; our team is SO HAPPY to see her uncorrupted, they forgot any formalities… )
You sat at the dining room table of Thomas’ house, a big mug of tea in between your hands. It’s the only thing that keeps you from shaking. It’s the only thing that keeps you from crying.
You don’t know what to do next. You don’t know what you’ll do when Thomas gets home. All you feel now is numb.
You took a sip of your tea. You hardly felt it as it burned your throat.
The clock read 5:30 pm. You knew Thomas was home since the garage door opened. You heard him coming in, heard him shut the garage door, and check the security system. It’s routine. He does it like clock work. You wanted to greet him excitedly, want to greet him with a kiss, but you can’t–or rather you don’t want to.
“Hey, darlin’.” He hummed, leaning down to kiss your temple. When you moved away from him, he froze. He eyed you worriedly. This wasn’t like you at all. You stared ahead blankly.
“Fine.” You said quickly, but there was an slight edge in your voice. He knew that tone. He let out a sigh.
“No, you’re not.” He set his things down on the dining room table. “What’s wrong?”
You shifted a little in your seat, uncomfortable as he sat down just in front of you. You looked up at him eventually, glaring at him from across the table.
“I don’t want to talk to you.” You grumbled. You set your mug down and pushed yourself out of the seat. You started to head out of the kitchen. You couldn’t deal with him. Everything you wanted to say was swirling around in your head. You were too frustrated. You were too angry.
“Hey, hey, hey.” He called after you. He quickly got up from his chair and followed you worriedly. “Don’t walk away from me.”
“I can do whatever the hell I want.” You snapped, turning back only to look at him. You felt your heart pounding as you finished your outburst. You stopped for a moment before you spoke up again. “Clearly, you think you can too.”
You turned to go back up the stairs and Thomas reluctantly trailed after you.
“Baby, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He sighed. You were halfway up the stairs and he was still standing at the bottom. He suddenly sounded so exhausted and for a moment, you stopped. You listened. “Come down, please. We can talk about this.”
“I said I’m not fucking talking to you.” You spat, gripping the railing of the staircase tighter.
“You are right now.”
“It’s like you want me to slap you.” You turned around and glared at him from where you stood. “I don’t have time for your smart alec behavior.”
“Then what do you have time for?!” He yelled up at you. You flinched at the sound of him raising his voice. “I come home and you’re yelling at me, but you won’t fucking tell me what I did! Could you maybe not be so immature?”
“That’s a low blow and you know it.” You whispered.
“I think I’m being pretty kind at the moment.” Thomas snapped back.
You walked down the stairs, stopping half way. Your hands were shaking. Your throat felt tight. “I’ll stop being immature when you tell me why Martha’s been calling the house.”
“W-What?” Thomas frowned, looking at you confused.
“M-Martha’s been leaving messages this whole week and I’ve heard every single one of them ring out through this damn house.” You spat, your eyes welling up with tears. “Could you maybe not be so immature and tell me why she’s calling the house?”
“I don’t know.” Thomas said softly. “I-I don’t -”
“You make no sense! You tell me how much you love me. You shower me with gifts and love and affection and you don’t even have the decency to cut off ties with your ex?!” You shoved him back, causing him to stumble slightly. “Do you think I’m stupid?! Just because I’m younger than you, do you think you can take advantage of me?!”
“Because I’m not stupid!” You felt your shoulders shaking. “I-I’m not…” You felt your tears finally spill over. You bit your lower lip to keep it from trembling further and clenched your fists in a vain attempt to keep yourself calm.
Thomas could see you crumbling before him. He saw you slowly became more closed off, saw how you were on the brink of breaking down. He reached out to you slowly, hand extended out to you in a vain attempt to console you.
“Baby, come down.”
“No.” You said weakly, pulling your hand away from him when he tried to touch you. “Y-You’re not over her are you?” You looked at him warily.
There was no warmth in your eyes. There was no smile on your face. You were pissed, you were hurt, and he was to blame.
“Every time I ask about her, you give me some half-hearted answer and for a while, I trusted you. I really believed he loves me. I trust him and he loves me.” You let out a shaky sigh. “But that was stupid of me. I was stupid to love you, but -” You looked him right in the eye. “I won’t settle for you. I’m not and I will not be okay with being second.” You said lowly. “So go. Call her back because as far as I’m concerned we’re done here.”
Thomas looked up at you helplessly, but he wasn’t sure what to do. You wouldn’t let him touch him, barely even looked at him. He felt his eyes grow glassy, felt his head spinning. He was watching you slip away from him. And he didn’t know what to do.
“Tell me you’re over her.” You said quietly. “Tell me you really didn’t know why she was calling. Tell me about her. Tell me the truth.”
Thomas couldn’t find the words, at least not in time for your liking.
“Figured.” You said coldly.
“It’s my place to tell you about Martha.” He said softly, but his voice increased in volume. “You need to respect that.”
“R-Respect what?” You scoffed. “The fact that you’ve been lying to me, been keeping me in the dark, for this long?” You shook your head. “You don’t deserve anything from me.”
You walked away from him to get your bag from upstairs. When you came back to the staircase, Thomas was still standing there dejectedly.
“We’re done.” You said, looking him in the eye one last time. “Goodbye, Thomas.”
He doesn’t stop you. Even if he did, you wouldn’t have listened to anything he said. Knowing that hurts more than anything.
You go into work. You were happily serving customers, making their complicated orders of coffee when you looked up to see Thomas in line.
He was dressed for work–a dress shirt, no tie, and a blazer. Today, he wore a navy blue one. You felt at a loss as you looked into his eyes. He looked tired. You didn’t look any better.
He’d never seen you at work–behind the counter that is. Peggy had given him the address. Your hair was pulled back so it was out of your face and you were dressed in your uniform, apron on with your name tag clipped onto it.
“What do you want?” You said bluntly.
“We need to talk.” He countered.
“I’m working, asshole.” You stressed.
“Fine. Get me a flat white and meet me at the table over there.”
“You’re going to have to wait a while.”
“Name?” You said coldly, looking up at him.
“Really?” He raised his eyebrows at you.
“If you don’t tell me, I’m just going to write asshole.”
“Thomas.” He said through gritted teeth.
“Thank you, sir.” You handed him back his card after swiping it into the machine. “Your order will be ready shortly.”
Thomas gave you a tight smile before turning to go sit in a table.
“What no tip?” You grumbled.
“No. Cashier was rude.” He shot back.
You rolled your eyes in annoyance before greeting the next customer with a cheerful smile.
Eventually, your coworker made Thomas’ order. He called his name and Thomas got his drink, sat down at the table he pointed out to earlier.
You were distracted as you worked. Every time you looked up, he was still there. Thomas hadn’t moved from where he sat. He looked bored even, unbothered by what you were making him do. He just sat on his phone, worked on a couple of things as he sat near the window.
Eventually, your shift ended. You said goodbye to your coworkers, clocked out, and returned your apron in the back. You came out from behind the register and sat across from him at the table. He looked up at you right away as you got settled in. You shifted in your seat before you handed him a little paper bag.
“You mentioned to me one time that you never had a cake pop.” You said quietly, eyes downcast. “There’s, um, birthday cake and chocolate in there.”
“Thanks.” He said softly, looking up at you. You wouldn’t meet his eyes, but he knew you were listening. He knew you were well aware that he was watching you. “We need to talk.”
“I know.” You whispered, still looking down. Thomas bit his lip. He slowly extended his hand out to you. You stared at it warily.
“Will you hear me out?” He asked, voice gentle and soft, so different from the last time you two spoke.
You took his hand slowly.
He sighed in relief before speaking up. “Martha was calling the house because she knew you were at my place. I don’t know how she knew you were there, but -” He paused. “It was to start trouble. The first voicemail was important. The others weren’t. But, I changed the home phone number and I blocked her number so she won’t be calling me or the house again. I promise you that. You can go through my phone or -”
“I just want you to do one thing right now.” You looked up at him.
“Anything, darlin’.” He breathed out.
“I want you to tell me about her.”
Thomas couldn’t hide the surprised look on his face. “Here? N-Now?”
“I’m off.” You said with a shrug. “I finished my shift a couple minutes ago.”
“Okay. Why don’t we go to the park nearby?” Thomas offered. “Might be a little more quiet.”
You slowly nodded and slipped out of your seat. Thomas instinctively helped you as you got up, but you could tell he was still wary, still unsure what to do. You took Thomas’ arm, for convenience, for comfort. You also didn’t have the heart to let go. Thomas pushed the door open for the two of you. Cake pops in hand, you started to walk down the streets and to the park nearby.
You found a bench and you sat down beside him. You let out a little sigh before Thomas spoke up again.
“I dated Martha for almost a year. She was smart. Wealthy. Gorgeous.” He cleared his throat a little. “We met at some party. I left James to get another drink and there she was, at the bar. She ordered a scotch.” Thomas chuckled. “Most women don’t order scotch so she seemed…different.
“She was nice. Interesting, but the first sign that I should have left her was that she hated Dolly. Couldn’t stand her. And you know Dolly. She’s nice to everyone, but Martha wouldn’t even stay in the same room as her. She’d leave if I was having Dolly and James over or she’d cancel if I mentioned they’d be there. She was just…horrible. There was no threat either. Dolly was engaged to James, but Martha just couldn’t deal with her.”
“She was very narcissistic.” Thomas continued, voice soft, tone even. “James minored in psych. Spotted all the signs, but I wasn’t listening. She lacked empathy. Had this…grandiose sense of self-importance.” He bit his lip. “She was established herself, but she still wanted my money.” He stopped for a moment and you looked at him. “Before you say, it, you’re not like her. You’re nothing like her. You could look past my money, but she -” He let out a sigh. “She loved me for what I could give her. She loved the idea of me.
“If she felt we were drifting, she’d make up some scenario that would require me to spend time with her. It was…just exhausting.” He whispered. “And, finally I called it off. We broke up. She didn’t take it well. She slapped me, in fact.”
“Thomas.” You looked up at him right away, appalled at what he said.
“It didn’t hurt.” He brushed it off. “Woke me up actually.” He laughed. “Then of course, she gave the whole you’ll never find anyone as good as me blah blah blah. I believed her for a little. Just focused on my work. Figured, next time I get into a relationship, I didn’t want to deal with all the work. Signed up for that website. Clicked on your profile. Found you.” He gave you a shy smile.
“I r-really didn’t mean to hurt you, baby.” Thomas said shakily, taking your hand.
“You did anyway.” You said, looking down at your shoes.
“I know.” He sighed, rubbing his thumb along the back of your hand. “Can you forgive me?”
You waited a moment before looking up at him. “Are you committed to me? Are you done with Martha?”
“Yes. Of course, I am.” Thomas met your eyes, eyes soft. His eyes were shiny. You could see he was hurt. He was truly sorry. You could see that. You pursed your lips together.
“All I wanted was for you to tell me.” You whispered.
“I know. I’m so sorry.”
You slowly turned to him. You moved slightly and opened your arms out to him. Thomas pulled you close to his chest. You heard him breathe out a sigh of relief as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He ducked his head down into your shoulder, clinging onto you.
“I-I love you so much.” He said, voice shaking slightly. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I wasn’t thinking. The last thing I want to do is lose you again.”
“Just be honest with me and I’ll be honest with you,” You whispered. “As long as we do that, we’ll be fine.”
You ran your hands through his curls, hoping to soothe him slightly. It worked. You felt his shoulders drop slightly. He relaxed in your hold. You rubbed his back before kissing his cheek. Thomas pulled away, eyes watering a little.
You cupped the side of his face, brushing your thumb along his cheek. “I know you’re still beating yourself up over this.”
Thomas laughed a little, ducked his head down before looking at you. “Yeah. A little.”
“I forgive you.” You whispered. “I just wanna go home.” You leaned your head on his shoulder, looking out at the park with him. It was a nice day out–not too hot, but not too cold. Trees were growing. The sun was shining. It was a pretty scene.
“I really missed you.” Thomas rubbed your shoulder, pulling you close to his side.
“I missed you too. I want to see you eat your very first cake pop.” You cracked a little smile. “We’re good now, okay?”
You looked around, trying to figure out where you were.
“We can take the subway if you want.”
“Never taken it.” Thomas mumbled.
“Fucking rich people,” You laughed before taking his hand and pulling him to his feet. “I’ll show you how to! Come on.”
Thomas listened to you intently as you explained to him how it works. He was well aware that he had this dumb sort of smile on his face, but just hearing your talk–even if it was about using the subway–made him feel at ease.
You walked down to the station, showed him where he could get his Metrocard. You looked over a map together, helping him navigate his way. You figured out what train you needed to get on and then what station you’d have to get off at. Of course it wouldn’t lead you right to his house, but you’d be a little closer than before.
Once you were on the subway, you decided to stand. You held his hand and leaned into his side as the subway pulled away from the station. Thomas wrapped an arm around you before leaning down to kiss your head. You rested your head against his chest. You looked up at him and he kissed you once more. You closed your eyes.
The subway moves forward, running along the track until everything around you seems to blur.
Five fun and easy miles tonight, with encouragement from my girl @littlebean-jellybean! I wasn’t feeling it at first but I’m so glad I went. It was a great run and I’m feeling good about my half this weekend!