not to be creepy at all

Do you ever read a piece of writing advice so awful you’re not entirely sure if it’s satire or not.

If your character is an evil assassin, you might want to refer to his fingernails as daggers or stabbers.

Stabbers. Stabbers. Yep.

A jealous ex-girlfriend might have witch hooks or tentacles. Sugar- or flour-coated hands could be clues that a protagonist is a baker. Or a serial killer with a fetish.

Well this has taken an odd turn.

Use ‘hands’ too often, and the word will annoy readers. English offers a multitude of options.

Oh no.

Analyze what the hands are doing and assign a noun that suits them. In addition to the following, check the Movement section for verbs you could convert into nouns. For example, ‘boo-boo soothers’.

Get the fuck out of here.

prestidigitators

No.

shadow puppeteers

???

stranglers

WHY DOES IT KEEP COMING BACK TO MURDER

See also 300+ Words to Describe Human Skin.

Originally posted by sowrongitsgina

6

our tiny smol has arrived at the jungle 😣💓💓💓

4

This is a friend over on Instagrams doing!! She posted a pic of Varric smiling and I had to see what smiling Solas looked like… So yeah! This is what he would look like if he really liked showing us those gnashers… 🤔 I feel very conflicted… Nice to see him smile and all but hmmm…. Also, I think we should all ignore the fact that he looks a bit like Gargamel in the bottom left pic… Yes… As you can see, I have had a very productive morning and got many, many important things done… *pats self on back*

anonymous asked:

Do you think Spider-Man's metabolism is extra fast? What do people think of him always being hungry if so? And is it compounded by him being a teenager? Is he scared he won't grow because he can never get enough nutrition? Ton of questions, I'm sorry... but I wonder about whether the poor kid ever gets enough to eat 'cause heaven knows it never seems like the teenage boys I know do and it makes me concerned/curious (concernioused?) for what it'd be like for one with an extra fast metabolism.

Anon, I know this has been in my inbox for an eternity, (sorry) 

Peter is always worried about gaining and keeping his weight on, always. Peter will probably never stop worrying. 

  • Peter was already a skinny guy when he got bitten. And as a kid that was asthmatic, pron-to illness, and never really liked sports, Peter hadn’t expected to bulk up at all. 
  • But once he became a web-slinging hero he had to really watch his food intake. (and not in the way a normal teenage boy might have too) 
  • Peter noticed two things right off the bat- 
  1. He was always hungry, always. No matter how much Peter ate he somehow always felt like he had room for more. 
  2. If he didn’t eat to replace all the calories he burned on patrols he would lose weight fast. Like unhealthily fast. 
  • Peter kind of figures that having an extra fast metabolism and a healing factor was worth the vicious animal that was now his stomach. But the teenager would be lying if he said it didn’t make him nervous. 
  • And it worried him for a couple reasons-
  1. The main thing that troubled Peter was the fact that Aunt May and he just didn’t have enough income to support his stomach, and Peter didn’t know what else to do about that other than getting a job and eating less.
  2. Peter also worried about how the lack of food must be affecting his body (if his obvious ribs and hips were anything to go by) than he was guessing not good.

(I privately head-canon- that because of not having enough food Peter never grew to his full height. (This isn’t to be construed into me thinking Aunt May didn’t do her absolute best, or that Peter was starving to death) I just think it’s a realistic thing to have happen- because if Peter could have enough food to fill him every single day, he would eat them out of a house quite literally)

  • Aunt May definitely noticed Peter’s garbage disposal of a stomach and she makes sure to cook more food and give Peter bigger helping on his plate. (she did it slowly so that Peter wouldn’t notice) 
  • Peter’s classmates also notice Peter’s new found appetite, and some people (MJ and Gwen) will pass him power bars or give him some of their food at lunch. 
  • While his other peers (Flash) make fun of him for it and tease him, (even forcing Peter to eat food off the floor-“hey aren’t you always hungry Puny Parker?! This looks good!”
  • Though I will say- when Flash once caught Peter changing in the locker rooms (Peter always changed in a stall so that people wouldn’t see how skinny he was, or his random bruises from patrol) the bully got really concerned-
    “Parker, who did that to you?”
    “Flash?!”
    “Who Parker, who?” 
    “I- I was skateboarding-”
    “That’s a load of crap, Par- Peter,” 
    “It’s just a few scrapes leave me alone, Flash” 
  • (Peter is pretty sure that Flash now thinks he’s being abused, but there’s nothing he can do about that now) And Flash kind of left Peter alone after that. (Though concerned and worried looks were levered his way now, often) 
  • The superhero community takes notice of the Spidey’s black hole of a stomach after hanging out with the teenager, and they all shove food at Peter too. 
  • Though at first Spidey was all spluttery and embarrassed, and the teen didn’t want to take their charity or pity. (Cuze sometimes the kid is a stubborn dork) But after some of them explained- “you do a lot for this city, it’s the least we can do to feed you kiddo”- in a few words or less, Peter now takes the food happily. 
  • The Fantastic Four have him over for dinners and when Peter hangs out with Johnny there are always snacks and or takeout. And it doesn’t really feel like charity, it just feels like family.
  • The Avengers will ‘trick’ Spidey into coming over after they’ve patrolled/battled together- “we need to check that wound, kid, come back to the Tower” -and then let the Spider stuff his face after they’ve stitched him up. 
  • Daredevil doesn’t dottle around the subject, he just throws food at the teenager with an exasperated (but fond) “I could hear your stomach growling from three blocks away, eat dammit.”   

So overall, Peter’s fast metabolism is a problem. But not one that he can’t deal with. And hey there are worse problems than always being hungry, he’ll grow out of it, right? RIGHT!? 

“Ted, you’ve been in the studio a *long* time... you ok?”

Ted the Animator: “Ffffine! Fine! Never… never better, I’m feelin’ GREAT.”

Carl the Animator: “Sure you are, buddy. How about I take over working on this section while you go take a nap?”

Ted the Animator: “N-no, just lemme finish the scene, I… it’s only been… time… hours… 22! 22 of them, 22 hours. Pocket change.”

Carl the Animator: “Call me crazy, but I think it’s starting to affect you an eensy weensy bit.”

Ted the Animator: “Nawwwwwwwwwwwwwww.”

Carl the Animator: “Like… I’m pretty sure Scooby is meant to have eyes in all of his frames.”

Ted the Animator: “Pssssh! Now that… not that I remember. It’s just pocket change.”

Carl the Animator: “…it also creeps me out, big time.”

Ted the Animator: “He’s your new best friend! Ocular… dog… doggy… Dogcular, he’s called, he’s everybody’s besssst buddy.”

Carl the Animator: “Forget the show’s monsters – things get properly scary when you stay up too late.”

Ted the Animator:Pocket chaaaaange!” 

*Ted slumps over, asleep*

Carl the Animator: “…I’m gonna regret not videotaping this, won’t I.”