not to be confused with smaug

Imagine Bilbo and Threepio meeting, though. 

Threepio: Hello, I am C-3PO, human-cyborg relations. I am fluent in over 6 million forms of communication. 

Bilbo: *being the little linguistics slut that he is* Well, Master Droid, I’m afraid I’m not fluent in quite as many, but I would be honored if you’d teach a simple old hobbit like myself. 

Threepio: *squacks* ( hE CALLED ME MASTER DROID maker fuck my bolts off I must TELL ARTOO)

If we agree that dwarves have no concept of kissing, then what if the first time Bilbo declares his feelings he kisses Thorin instead of using words, and Thorin’s all confused like wtf was that and he assumes it’s just some weird hobbit greeting (a very enjoyable one at that) so later on he sees Bilbo and just cries, ‘Ah, Bilbo!’ and kisses him right in front of the Company and Bilbo’s just gone red as Smaug and he’s like 'wHAT WAS THAT’ and Thorin’s like 'I was greeting you, was it not to your satisfaction?’ and Bilbo is just staring at him in horrified wonderment and, very painstakingly slowly, grits out that kisses are not traditional greetings and for Eru's sake, what does he have to do for Thorin to realise how he feels and, to Thorin’s utter confusion, Bilbo finally storms up to him, grabs his collar and says, 'This is my official declaration that I am romantically interested in you, Thorin Oakenshield’ and proceeds to snog the living daylights out of him

*Not* Sir Benedict Cumberbatch

Through a painstaking amount of research I have finally managed to conclude that Benedict Cumberbatch if he accepts his nomination for a CBE, which will make him the youngest actor yet to receive one and likely the one one without a major acting award, will become Sir Benedict Cumberbatch. It took me all afternoon to figure that out, anyone else who is confused by titles in England as far as knighthood goes is welcome. Recently I have realized that this isn’t the case. He isn’t Sir Benedict Cumberbatch unfortunately- though that would have been awesome.