not the worst dad ever

So I know that “Sportacus” seems to be more of a title than a real name BUT just take a moment to imagine papa elf Íþró, master of terrible puns, holding up his newborn baby and going “His name is Sportacus!!! :-}D” and the rest of the elf village is just like “are you fucking kidding me dude”

  • Todoroki: Do you wanna hear a dad joke?
  • Midoriya: Mhmm sure
  • Todoroki: Ok, just hold on a sec
  • Todoroki: *calls Endeavor*
  • Endeavor: What is it, Shouto?
  • Todoroki: *Hangs up the phone*
  • Midoriya: ...What was that for?
  • Todoroki: My dad is the worst dad joke, I hate him.
  • Emma: Okay kid, let's take that canoeing trip.
  • Henry: Do you really think now is the best time for a canoeing trip?
  • Emma: Of course. I know how important it is to you. That's why we constantly mention our plans to go canoeing. Not a day goes by that we don't curse the newest villain for trying to destroy the town because it delays our chance to canoe.
  • Henry: When have we ever talked about canoeing?
  • Emma: This might be our only chance to go off and do this before Gideon regroups and attacks me again.
  • Henry: Was the canoeing trip even my idea?
  • Emma: Let's go make one last memory as mother and son before the forces of evil attack again and the show remembers that I'm the main character.
  • Henry: Oh! This is a plot dodging trip.
  • Emma: Obviously. And it would work a lot better if you played along.
  • Henry: You're still bringing your gun in case Gideon decides to poof in and attack us on the river though, right?
  • Emma: Of course.
  • Henry: Canoeing is my passion.
  • Emma: There we go.

anonymous asked:

130!:)

ik i said no blurbs tonight but i forced myself to write this

“you fell asleep in the tub?”

you walked through the large doors to your home, throwing your eyes in the small bowl before letting out a huge sigh.

you had the most stressful day at work and all you wanted to do was relax, thankfully it was friday and you next the next full week off.

luckily, your husband shawn also had some time off so you were looking forward to spending some time with him too.

you kicked off your black heels, happy to have them off. they had been killing your feet all day but i would’ve looked extremely unprofessional if you wore flats to work.

you were an extremely successful lawyer and worked in one of the well known law firms. you absolutely loved your job and worked extremely hard to get where you were now, but some days got the best of you. like today.

not to mention you were 6 months pregnant right now, and that sometimes added a little extra stress to things.

all you really wanted right now was to spend some time with your husband, but as you wandered through your house he was nowhere to be found.

“shawn?” you called, walking up the stairs.

normally when you got home from work he was downstairs either attempting to cook or watching something on tv.

you noticed a faint light coming from the bathroom, as you got closer you realized shawn was in there.

you walked in revealing shawn, in the bathtub, with a bath bomb, asleep. you didn’t want to wake him but you couldn’t help but laugh.

he slowly woke up, looking around and remembering where he fell asleep.

“oh hey y/n,” he said as soon as he noticed you standing in the doorway. “how are my two girls today?”

“you fell asleep in the tub?” you asked, trying to contain more laugher.

he threw his hands up in defence, “don’t judge me, i’ve had a stressful day!”

“so have i,” you sighed. “i’m glad to be home.”

you closed your eyes and rested your head against the doorframe in attempt to calm your headache. this headache started about one hour into your work day and hasn’t left since.

“come in with me,” shawn whined, moving over to make space for you.

“shawn, you know i can’t.” you whispered.

“why not?”

“well your child that’s growing inside me kind of prevents me from getting in since i can’t step over the ledge. it’s okay, i’m just going to lie down.”

“i’ll help you get in,” shawn pleaded. he must’ve really wanted you to get in with him. “please.”

you looked between the ledge of the tub and your bump for a good few minutes. you knew it was gonna be hard to get in, but a hot bath seemed really nice at the moment.

you sighed, giving in to shawn as he just smiled triumphantly. you quickly undressed yourself as he held out his hand to help you get in.

surprisingly, it wasn’t much of a struggle to get in with shawn’s help. you sat in between his legs, leaning back against his chest.

shawn rested both his hands on your bump which was too big to be fully covered by the water.

“i can’t wait 3 more months.”

“good because it’ll probably be 4 more.” you giggled. he stuck his tongue out at you.

“you know what i mean.”

you were slowly starting to fall asleep, just like shawn did before. and you knew if you feel asleep shawn would most likely make fun of you to revenge on what you said earlier.

the last thing you felt before drifting off to sleep was shawn lightly kissing the top of your head, probably about to fall asleep with you.

Peek-A-Boo *Bucky x Reader*

Originally posted by seabasschino

(credit to gif over)

Summary: Bucky playing peek-a-boo with his daughter, he then has to leave to cut his hair but when he returns to play the game, his daughter doesn’t react too well to this new *change* of his. 
Characters: Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader


If there was anyone Bucky loved more than you, it was his daughter. She is his light, his beacon of hope, his little princess that he adores and would do anything for. From the moment he found out you were pregnant he was hooked, he didn’t have to know the gender, nor did he really care because he loved them already with everything in his soul. He was nervous from the beginning but when little Ava was born he was smitten. The look of absolute wonder was worth the pain you endured for twelve hours. He didn’t want to put Ava down for a second; he was so gentle and soft around her.  

Nothing had changed, even a year on; he was still captivated by her.

You remember the first thing Bucky had to say to you when you brought Ava home. “We get to experience life all over again. The first smile, first laughs, first steps. Food, so much food she has to experience; first day of school and first friends. All over again because of her,” the smile he held as he looked at her in your arms, unforgettable.

Ava was just as obsessed with her dad as he was with her. Her first word was ‘Da-da’, he cried for two days because of that- he still hasn’t fully recovered from it. In the beginning, only Bucky could get her to laugh, best sound, as Bucky calls it (you’d say that both of their laughs are the best sounds, better than music). Peek-a-boo is Bucky’s favourite game to play with Ava; it never fails to have her laughing, even now.

You could hear them both from your bathroom, ‘Peek-a-boo’ and then the loud, light laughter of Ava coming from down the hall. You could almost see it as you dried your hair, Bucky with Ava on his lap, her pink blanket covering his face before dropping it and pulling a face at her, her clapping and laughing at his silly antics that you don’t think she’ll ever get over. Once you were done, you padded down the hallway to the living room where Bucky sat on the floor, Ava twirling pieces of his unyielding hair around her small fingers.  Steve sat beside Ava, waiting to cut his best friends hair, he must have gotten here whilst you were in the shower.

You sighed lightly, “Bathroom is free now.” You call gently; Bucky smiles at you and gently pries his daughter fingers from his hair before standing up. “She’s not gonna like the change, you know.” You smirk as he rolls his eyes at you, leaning down to plant a chaste kiss on your lips before he walked off to the bathroom too, finally, cut his hair. You smiled as Steve followed, a bright grin on his face, it only made you chuckle to yourself.

Bucky had had the long hair since you first met him. Only ever trimming it before now, he had decided he needed a change, well he was going old school with this change. He wanted the haircut he had when he was alive in the forties; you couldn’t deny him of that, he looked hot back then too.

You sat and watched Disney films with Ava, secretly sharing some chocolate from Bucky’s stash, singing along to all of the songs. It was just under an hour when Steve emerged from the bathroom, a proud little smirk on his face, he sat down in the armchair with a smug swagger to him. Ava was too engrossed in the movie, Sleeping Beauty, to even look at her uncle.
Bucky walked out, a little hesitation in his steps but you were beyond able to comprehend how good he looked. You grinned at him, he smiled shyly back and rolled his eyes when you mouthed, ‘oh my god’ at him.

Ava, still oblivious to her surroundings, didn’t notice Bucky sit down and pick up her blanket; you frowned, you weren’t sure how she was going to react to this sudden change to her father. He gently tapped her shoulder, when she turned to look at him; she let out a little giggle and pulled the blanket away herself.

“Peek-a-boo,” he smiled brightly at her.

She remained staring at him, blinking slowly at his face and now short hair. She turned and looked at you briefly, going back to looking at Bucky with confusion and…sadness. Her blue eyes welled up, she huffed, and cheeks already going red and Bucky gave you a look of regret. Tears dripped out of her eyes as she shook her head, repeating the words, “No! No, daddy, no.” As if she was scolding him for making such a decision.

He sighed sadly, “It’s still me, pumpkin.” He tried to pull her to him but she pushed his hands away, shaking her head and crawling back over to you. “Steve, I told you this was a stupid idea.” He reprimanded his best friend instead, throwing the blame to him.

“Babe, you know this was your idea, I think it looks good. Ava just needs time to get used to it, that’s all.” You smile reassuringly at your husband; he just slouches against the sofa, staring longingly at his daughter wanting her to hug him.

Steve left shortly after Ava’s moment, she isn’t too happy with her uncle either. “That was a disaster, she hates me now,” Bucky sulked in your bedroom. “She’s never gonna go near me again, I’m the worst dad ever, I hate my life.” You refrained from rolling your eyes.

Instead of answering him, you go and give Ava her usual bath. Listening to her talk about how she will miss his long hair, “Did… dad cut his hair so I’ll stop playing wif it?” Ava asked in a small, vulnerable voice. You stopped washing her hair, frowning as she refused to meet your eyes. You called Bucky into the bathroom, where you told him what Ava said and left so Bucky could explain to her that it wasn’t because of her, at all.

“Why do you think I cut my hair because of you?” Bucky asked gently, washing the shampoo out of Ava’s hair carefully, she shrugged. “I love you playing with my hair, I know that it being this short you can’t braid it like you used to but there’s enough,” he smiled as she grinned at him. “Anyway, Thor has better hair than I and Natasha love’s when you play with hers.”

You walk back to the bathroom when it had been over ten minutes, stopping when you see Ava, dressed in pj’s stood on the counter, still managing to be smaller but brushing Bucky’s hair, using her princess hairbrush. Bucky facing away, making faces at the pull of the brush, catching your eye he grins at you.

“You know, I think it’s still long enough for cute pigtails,” You grin as Ava jumps with glee at you, almost slipping but Bucky catches her in time. “C’mon, let’s watch Moana and style his new hair,” Ava claps as Bucky sighs gently but smiles at his two favourite girls.

(Currently, having some other stuff looked over, so I quickly wrote and queued this. I’m gonna be solely working on finishing a lot of my series, you can still request but there’s gonne be a delay in when you see those. sorry. - Rosalee)


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@imgettingmarriedtobuckybarnes @fab-notfat

Unpopular Opinions: BORUTO Edition

Behold cuz I’m really pissed and Tumblr is the only place I can rant about this.

A list of things that bother me about the Next Generation.

Manga:

  • The fact that there even exists a manga drawn by sb other than Kishimoto himself and it is considered canon. 
  • Ikemoto is a pervert and not suitable for illustrating this series, that has a very young audience as well. I don’t think i even need to mention his portrayal of female characters (high-heels and skirts for ninjas, suuuuure), especially Sarada, A 12-13 YEAR OLD, being drawn like this. A fucking panty shot. As if this were some kind of lollitacon ecci manga. Fuck you, Ikemoto, seriously.
  • The storyline lowkey sucks and I’ve stopped reading it out of frustration. I really wanted to give it a chance because I loved Naruto to death, but this is a fucking disappointment.

Anime:

  • Even though the anime is a lot better, now it’s time to nag about the characters included.
    TOO. MANY. FILLER. CHARACTERS. (Sumire, Iwabe, Denki) And they get way more screentime than the actual canon characters (SARADA???, Inojin, Metal Lee, Chouchou). What the shit??
  • Boruto is a fucking brat with the worst manners I’ve ever seen. Sure he’s angry at his dad for never being home, but what the hell boy. And the fact that he’s being made the super nice kid, the hero’s son, is so annoying because he’s nothing like his dad. Only in the most recent episode (#12) he showed some signs of “Oh yeah, that’s Naruto’s kid, alright” because of helping his comrades in the team. Otherwise, he’s a shitty little asshole kid. 
  • The portrayal of Naruto’s and Hinata’s marriage.
    Even though I know being Hokage probably takes up a lot of Naruto’s time, but I don’t remember ANY of the other Kage that we’ve seen in office be that busy with their Hokage duties. I get that this is a new Era, but since it is a new Era and Naruto has so many trustworthy friends/comrades, you’d think that he’d hire some more fucking secretaries to handle trivial matters. And since there’s peace at the moment, I really dont see what bigger issues exist that take up Naruto’s time. Also, when he’s home, he’s always shown sleeping on the goddamn sofa in his home office. Even in the Inauguration OVA, when he wasn’t yet “officially” Hokage (because from the movie The Last in the end-credit scene, we see that prior to becoming Hokage, Naruto had a lot of time to spend with his kids. Why change that in the anime??). And Hinata doesn’t seem to be bothered at all. They think showing ONE couple scene, where they lean on each other’s shoulder is gonna keep the fire up? I’m so fed up about this because they make Naruto look like a shitty dad/husband, when he’s the most kind and selfless person in the entire series. Good fucking job, SP. Didn’t expect any less from you.
  • Not to sound like a femi-nazi, but I do have an issue with the major exclusion of female characters and their reduction to mere side characters. Even Sarada and Chouchou, who are canon (Sarada even being the daughter of 2 main characters from the original series), they get such minimal screentime, it’s fucking ridiculous. And when they’re shown, they’re always portrayed as naggy and inferior (except that ONE FREAKIN TIME when Sarada saved Boruto’s ass). Get your shit together.

There’s probably more that I can’t think of right now, but I just wanted to write this down. 

TL;DR - I don’t know what Kishimoto wa sthinking when 1. He passed his one of a kind work to a shitty pedo pervert and 2. When he said that he wants BORUTO to surpass NARUTO (as a series). This ain’t ever gonna happen. The storyline is lame and the characters are mostly done wrong by both the studio and the mangaka. 

 Mizumono doodle, but Will gets to hug Abigail and they run away together

Every other Aphmau villain vs Ein
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b>Michi:</b> *is in a thief guild and sold the gang to the werewolves just so she didn't have to marry someone, *<p/><b>Fandom:</b> ....<p/><b>Ivy:</b> *she legit betrayed her own region, bullied Aphmau, tried to kill some peeps, etc.*<p/><b>Fandom:</b> ....<p/><b>Zane:</b> *killed an entire village, is the main reason Aaron is dead, killed who knows how many other people, is a salty salty edgelord in highschool*<p/><b>Fandom:</b> ....<p/><b>Zenix:</b> *destroyed village, tried to kill Garroth*<p/><b>Fandom:</b> ....<p/><b>Gene:</b> *tried to kill everyone how many times now? Made people forget his brother permanently, and even stole his wife. Blackmailed Aphmau, made her commit vandalism, keeps pictures of her for some creepy reason*<p/><b>Fandom:</b> ....<p/><b>Demon warlock:</b> *terrorizes entire village, probably killed a lot people, tried to murder his own son, tried to kill Aphmau, worst dad ever*<p/><b>Fandom:</b> ....<p/><b>Shadow lord:</b> *reanimated Aaron's corpse to have a physical form*<p/><b>Fandom:</b> ....<p/><b>Shadow knights:</b> *not only a group of people trying to look cool by being jerks, but a full on cult of armored soldiers in the diaries version of hell who want to raise the shadow lord so that he may take over the world. Many of which have killed their closest family members and friends/lords to gain immortality.*<p/><b>Fandom:</b> ....where can i sign up?<p/><b>Ein:</b> *orders aph to kill aaron*<p/><b>Fandom:</b> wait what.<p/><b>Ein:</b> *slaps aphmau*<p/><b>Fandom:</b> OH SHIT LEMME HIT THIS GUY LEMME KILL HIM OHHHH LETS MCFREAKING MURDER THIS GUY FOR WHAT HE DIDD OHHH!!!1!!!!1 DEATH TO EIN AHHHHJJJHHHH ANGST HATRED AND BLOOD! MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG NEEDS DEATH! SCREAMS INTO THE ABYSS!!<p/></p><p/></p>
Who else dad is weird like this 🙄
  • *in another world at another time*
  • Me: *gets text*
  • Dad: Hey, who's my favorite daughter?
  • Me: Dad?
  • Dad: Hey there, dear. 😉
  • Me: DAD WTF YOU'RE ALIVE.
  • Dad: Last time I checked I was. 😂
  • Me: *out loud* Oh my god!
  • Roommate: Please stop screaming, I'm in a very intense debate about the merits of socialism with an online friend, and I can't concentrate with you making such a racket.
  • Me: Socialism? Aren't you incredibly rich and vain?
  • Roommate: I'm a Trotskyist, you fool.
  • Me: Who cares! My dad's alive!
  • Roommate: I wasn't aware that your dad was dead?
  • Me: Neither was I. I thought he had just abandoned me and my mom all those years ago. I have quite a story about it. When I was about 14, my dad took me on a road trip to go to IHOP for a delicious breakfast. After we had finished, he got up to use the bathroom and never returned. He left me stranded in a strange IHOP two states over.
  • Roommate: You traveled two states away to go to an IHOP?
  • Me: I mean, it was a road trip.
  • Roommate: How do you know it's your dad?
  • Me: Check my phone, it says dad right there. Of course he's my dad.
  • Roommate: It could be anyone.
  • Me: There's no one else in my contacts with the name dad, other than my dad, ya goober. In fact, with every new phone I've gotten I always added his old phone number to the contacts in case of a moment just like this.
  • Roommate: Even still, don't you think it's suspicious that your father is contacting you via text nearly a decade after he abandoned you?
  • Me: No.
  • Roommate: Not even a bit?
  • Me: No. *buzz* Oh, he texted me again!
  • Dad: Hey, who's my favorite daughter?
  • Me: Me, of course! 😘
  • Dad: No.
  • Me: What?
  • Dad: You're my fifth favorite daughter.
  • Me: I don't understand.
  • Dad: I have six daughters and you're my fifth favorite one. The sixth one died in a scuba diving accident.
  • Me: So I'm your least favorite daughter?
  • Dad: No, don't think of it like that! You're not my least favorite daughter, you're just my least favorite LIVING daughter. 😉
  • Me: That doesn't make me feel better.
  • Dad: Ah, it doesn't matter. You remember me, your dad, the big wacky goofball! 😝
  • Me: I remember you trading my bicycle for coke.
  • Dad: It's a thing of the past, my daughter who I love the least. I don't want to worry about the past, let's meet up and discuss the future.
  • Me: OMG You want to meet up? Where?
  • Dad: IHOP, for old time's sake, but this time let's make it the one in town.
  • Me: *out loud* Oh my god, I'm meeting up with my dad!
  • Roommate: I'm right here, you don't have to yell.
  • Me: I'm so excited. I'm reconnecting with my father. Most girls can only dream of this moment.
  • Roommate: He honestly sounds like a terrible person.
  • Me: People change.
  • Roommate: Yeah, sometimes they become worse.
  • Me: You're just overly pessimistic because you're a goth and also a Trotskyist.
  • Roommate: Eh, I can't deny it.
  • *later at IHOP*
  • Me: *waiting at table* I can't wait to see my dad again. I wonder what he looks like. I bet he's a businessman now. Oh, or maybe he's a priest. *notices commotion at the front of the store* Hmm?
  • Waitress: Sir, please wait to be seated.
  • Disheveled Dude: I'm meeting up with someone, you flighty broad. There's not much time. Get out of my way.
  • Me: *internally* At least that guy isn't my dad.
  • Disheveled Dude: Oh, there she is. *runs and sits at my table* Oh my god, is that my little girl. You've grown up so much. You look way too much like your mom. It's bringing back some really bad memories. I'm sorta regretting. Just joking. Hahaha. WHERE THE FUCK IS OUR WAITRESS, I'M TRYING TO EAT HERE!?
  • Me: What a coincidence it is that the horrible man making a scene at the front of the restaurant is my dad...
  • Disheveled Dude: What's with the distant look on your face? You're acting like you saw a ghost. Haha, maybe you do think I'm a ghost. Hey, sorry about leaving you at the IHOP all those years ago. Kinda got bored of the whole dad thing. JESUS CHRIST, CAN YOU GUYS FUCKING HURRY UP AND GET US A WAITRESS. F-Fuck. *wipes sweat off forehead*
  • Me: Dad?
  • Disheveled Dude: WHAT!?
  • Me: *jumps in seat*
  • Disheveled Dude: Sorry, I've been really on edge recently. *nervously looks over shoulder* Where the fuck are these waitresses?
  • Me: Dad... *gets teary eyed*
  • Disheveled Dude: Oh god, are you gonna start crying on me.
  • Me: *sniffles* I'm sorry, I just missed you so much.
  • Disheveled Dude: Yeah, yeah, I missed you too. Time to move onto the next thing. Inheritance. Uh, I'm gonna die eventually, so you can have all of my money. *put suitcase stuffed with cash on the table and pushes it towards me* You can just have it now, for all I care. I mean, you never know when I'm gonna die.
  • Me: Dad, I don't want your money. I just want to spend time with you.
  • Disheveled Dude: Well, you can spend all the time in the world with me once you accept the fat wads of cash in this suitcase. I just need you to say verbally that you're accepting this money from me as a legitimate form of inheritance.
  • Me: Dad, please. I just want to talk to you.
  • Disheveled Dude: Come on and take the fucking cash, Elizabeth.
  • Me: My name's not Elizabeth.
  • Disheveled Dude: Okay, whatever. Take the money and clearly dictate that you are accepting the entirety of this money as a legitimate form of inheritance from your loving father. You can use it for college, you're college aged right. Or prenatal care. I don't fucking know. What shitty kid doesn't want FREE FUCKING MONEY!?
  • Me: *stands up from seat* Dad! You're the worst ever! I hate you! *runs out of IHOP sobbing*
  • Disheveled Dude: Fuck, I knew that wasn't going to work. *notices how dark it is outside* It's almost here. I wasted so much goddamn time. I'm never going to get rid of this thing. FUCK!
  • Waitress: *nervously* I can help you now, sir.
  • Disheveled Dude: Oh, so now you show up. I'm not so hungry now. In fact, I've lost my entire damn appetite.
  • Waitress: I'm sorry, sir. It's all my fault. I'm so sorry.
  • Disheveled Dude: Which one of those cars outside is yours?
  • Waitress: The red one.
  • Disheveled Dude: That broken down piece of shit?
  • Waitress: Yes.
  • Disheveled Dude: Guess, there's no other choice. It'll have to do. Give me your fucking keys.
  • Waitress: What?
  • Disheveled Dude: *points gun at waiter* GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING KEYS!
  • Waitress: *drops keys on the table*
  • Disheveled Dude: *tosses wads of cash at the waitress* That's easily $200,000. Go buy yourself a better car. You might want to make it quick. *runs out of IHOP*
  • Waitress: *watches disheveled dude speed off* Why is it so dark outside and where did everyone go? I guess it doesn't matter now, though. $200,000. That's a lot of money. I wonder what I'm gonna do with all this? I'm so excited that I'm lightheaded. The future is so bright now.
  • Wall of Darkness: *encroaches*