Disclaimer: this post is purely for amusement & LOLs ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
ISTJ: TRADITIONALIST - has a fetish for Mon-Fri 9 to 5 jobs + benefits - traditional AF - this species is v endangered, please donate - has had the same goals and dreams since they were a fetus - productive member of society™
- working 27/9 on multiple projects, multiple jobs & multiple underlings to command
- getting more stuff done than you’ll ever do in your lifetime
- somehow has a neater desk than you but knows how to party it up when they’re finally off hours - fav type of party is a networking party
- actually has time and money to Netflix
- is on all the social medias but almost never posts
- knows all the tings but never really says it
- v secretive - will low-key become a billionaire overnight for starting a very important company that no one has heard of
ENTJ: YOUR BOSS
- is the only person who actually knows what they’re doing
- started taking on leadership roles since birth (re: shoved the doctor out of the way to cut their own umbilical cord)
- shows love via loud criticism – is only trying to help you help yourself
- so DONEEE with incompetence
ISFJ: MILLENNIAL MOM
- shares so many Facebook posts that fb definitely knows who they voted for/where they shop at/intimate details even they don’t know
- actually writes Amazon reviews (thank you)
- replies to all messages from fam within 30 seconds
- attends annual mom convention just to maintain their status (Level 10 Mom Friend™)
- has multiple social platforms to display their culinary skills (STATUS: black belt) - charming AF but WILL throw shade if provoked
- hair is goals
- listed on Huffington Post as top 21 Pinterest users to follow
INTP: THE FUTURE™
- obsessed with the possibilities of the future
- topics all INTPs are pre-programmed to get excited about: AI, start-ups, technology, STEM jokes
- may combust when stupid arguments are portrayed as facts
- procrastination level: over 9000
- speaks a foreign language invented by them
- beer parties & philosophical debates are always lit
- pretty WOKE actually
INFJ: MODERN HIPSTER
- had first quarter life crisis at 15
- your official therapist
- writes self-love/compassion/know-yourself/nostalgia posts for a website
- stares through a window from time to time looking contemplative
ENFJ: GRASSROOTS CHAMPION
- actually has their life together despite repeat quarter life crises
- persuasive AF
- “I do what I want, I don’t need your validation … but also I consider how it affects everyone around me and how I’ll be perceived”
- won Volunteer of the Year award every year for the last 5 years; got promoted to presenting the Volunteer of the Year award instead
- lives off of the Likes of friends and random Internet strangers
- needs social validation through an IV drip
- will most likely die of FOMO
- life motto: pics or it didn’t happen
- golden retriever but looks like a person (cute either way)
- overqualified for all the jobs but doesn’t know what jobs they actually care enough to apply for
- posts are always either WOKE AF or self-deprecating
- hopes and dreams are on life support
- bucket-list longer than Santa’s list
- only has semi-naked pics on Tinder
- knows the most important words in every language (i.e. “what’s your phone number”)
- no honey, don’t call them; yes, they’re definitely seeing other people
ISTP: SHUT OUTs
- will low-key land a steady 6 figure job for being in the right place at the right time - moonlights as a hand model - credit card ebills show 20% of income spent on Redbull/coffee
ESFP: YOUTUBE VLOGGER
- EXTRA AF™
- somehow amassed a HUGE following from weekly 10 minute videos about their day
- will fake their death if no one is paying attention to them
- actually really savage
ISFP: PROFESSIONAL SELFIES TAKER
- living embodiment of the word “aesthetic”
- hair/style/make-up/art is goals
- snapchat game is on point
- etsy is only their side hussle
- flower crowns filters
Aries: the prettiest smile and the weirdest laugh, long, gorgeous hair, unintentionally funny, always wanted to go on adventures with me, tall and handsome
Taurus: seemed like a fuckboy, turned out to be the sweetest most caring lil cutie, was ready to do anything and everything for me, first love, would pick me up for late night drives, loved cuddling
Gemini: quirky and cute, definitely a fuckboy, thoughtful, deep thinker and great to have serious conversations about life with, heartbreaker
Cancer: seemed weird at first, was weird but also so caring, sweet, smart and funny, wanted everyone to be happy, GREAT body, very sexy without knowing it, someone i had lots of fun with
Leo: fun to be around, giggly and jokey, breathtakingly beautiful, amazing at singing, loved animals more than anything, good at sports, first girl crush
Virgo: sarcastic, beautiful on the outside but GORGEOUS on the inside, gave actually great advice, philosophical, gamer girl, good party host
Libra: tried to seem harsh and cool but actual sweetheart once i got to know him, always wanted me to read his favourite books, creative and handy, helpful in all situations
Scorpio: looked like someone from a band, an asshole at first but very cute and great listener, was always low-key sad, pushed me away when i wanted to help him, smelled ridiculously good
Sagittarius: (also my sign) seemed goofy, funny and caring at first but turned out to be the biggest fuckboy, helped me realise new things about myself, hot and handsome, great for having a laugh with, loved going to parties with him
Capricorn: always wanted the best for me, the type of person who always checked i got home safe, protective, supportive, kinda serious most of the time but goofy when we were alone
Aquarius: straight to the point, honest, great athlete and singer, best hugger, weird humour, very masculine, the one you’ll never completely get over
Pisces: sweet, emotional, fell in love fast, big music fan, great at school even though he wouldn’t admit it, quite jealous, if he likes you he will always put you first no matter what, the kind of person i wanted to protect at all costs, clingy
something that really bothers me about tumblr is that they try to make slytherin’s the “edgy rebels.”
the slytherin house values/stands for traditionalism. they aren’t going to be getting tattoos or dying their hairs crazy colors. they are going to be polished. wearing heels, wearing satin and lace, have freshly painted nails, wear heels the click against the pavement, wear tailored suits with ties. they are going to have eyeliner so on point and sharp that it could cut through glass.
they aren’t the type to wear combat boots, be edgy, get tattoos, or dye their hair crazy colors. sure, there are exceptions to every rule.. but slytherin’s are the type to have classy wine parties. they are resourceful because they have people skills, they know how to get what they want in a subtle way. they are sneaky and cunning when they want to be. they are polished, and they will follow the rules they want to follow. if they break the rules, it will be quietly. they won’t make a loud statement, they will only make a quiet statement that makes you wonder, “how did that even happen?”
they are a class act. always keeping people on their toes, and always making them think they’re innocent.
they are like a snake. quiet, sneaky, and they appear cold on the outside.. when really they just want to protect their own. they are quiet, but they’re deadly. it is their mascot for a reason. all the houses mascots represent the people in those houses.
gryffindors are a lion because they charge, they are loud when crossed. they make loud statements by breaking rules or creating them. they want justice. they are like a lioness protecting their cubs when their values are crossed. they roar.
hufflepuffs are a badger, because badgers are underestimated. they are fierce creatures and badass, but they look cute on the outside. they will be loyal and fight for what they believe in until the very end.
and ravenclaws are eagles because eagles represent freedom. ravenclaws are all about free expression. eagles also represent wisdom. it shows that you can fly and be free, but you can also see things in the sky others can’t see.
Uhm??????? How dare you? He's perfect and there is no way we can have any type of negative thoughts between members of a party?????
Irene thinks Nadia is a literal demon from hell.
👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit
You had just gotten to back from class to your duplex. You lived in a very nice part of town for almost a year now. It was strange, even after ten months you were still getting used to all this. You’d come from a pretty wealthy family, but when you decided that you were going to go to school for dance and not to medical school your parents cut you off.
You woke up to the sound of your ringtone blaring into your ear. You huffed, screwing your eyes shut and hoping it would stop; it didn’t. Reaching out, you grabbed your phone and squinted at the bright screen, your eyes needing time to adjust.
You sighed through your nostrils, closing your eyes and ignoring the impending headache that you could already feel starting in your temples. You debated not answering, and the call ended. You nearly let a smile form on your lips, but your phone began to vibrate in your hand again, Jimin’s name popping up once again as the sound of your ringtone kept you from sleeping.
⚬ warnings⇁public sex, slight voyeurism/exhibitionism, dirty talk, dom!junghope, demeaning names during sex if you aren’t into that, jealousy
⚬ word count⇁5.5k
You’re not supposed to fall for Jung Hoseok and his repertoire of awful pick-up lines—but you do. The problem is: he’s afraid of commitment, and bolts at the idea of settling down. After that, you decide to stay far away from fuckboys, but his friend decides to test your new found resolutions.
↳ or : Jungkook wants to see how far he can push Hoseok until he snaps