not the first to make this joke but don't care

How to attract the signs
  • Aries: smile, be direct, make them laugh, be confident, voice your opinions, give them space
  • Taurus: be trustworthy and loyal, slow and steady, learn their likes/dislikes, touch them, invite them out
  • Gemini: flirt, joke around, be exciting, be kind of dominating, keep the conversation going
  • Cancer: Reassure them in times of need, be kind and caring, talk about family, ask for help, be their friend first
  • Leo: flatter them, show affection, give them full attention, compliment them, emotionally support them
  • Virgo: don't be fake, ask for help, run errands together, start conversations, be patient
  • Libra: win over their friends, give them freedom, look good, be funny/dorky, take them somewhere
  • Scorpio: be mysterious, know what you want, tell them about yourself, be honest and loyal
  • Sagittarius: flirt, joke around, have a carefree attitude, be adventurous, give them space, suggest new things
  • Capricorn: be hardworking and ambitious, make them laugh, be friends first, take your time, show respect
  • Aquarius: debate with them, give them freedom, surprise them, become friends first, be yourself
  • Pisces: be romantic, talk about your dreams, boost their self esteem, be sensitive about their needs
How to tell if The Signs like you
  • Aries: Will be more bubbly, and have less of a mean streak. Will be really fun around you.
  • Taurus: They'll probably try to be with you as much as possible. Won't say much, and will probably try to grab your arm or something.
  • Gemini: Something they do the most: Talk to you, A LOT. They might ask more about you and act interested in what you talk about.
  • Cancer: Will be very low-key around you. Will look at you with starry eyes. They might even open up more to you (more for male than female).
  • Leo: Most likely will try to be really funny around you. They'll just have that look in their eyes that says that they're enthralled.
  • Virgo: They'll probably be super nice to you, and help you with anything that you need. They may even try to do something cute to get your attention. Prepare for a lot of jokes (they might be funny).
  • Libra: Will show a more softer side of them that they don't show to everyone else. But they'll be kinda mean in a joking way.
  • Scorpio: They will share their interests and hobbies with you. Won't be as salty. They may even stare at you a little. When I say little I mean A LOT.
  • Sagittarius: They'll never even make fun of you, even in a joking way. Sagittarius' will be really sweet and will do anything for you. Very loyal.
  • Capricorn: Will start to open up to you. This takes a lot of time. Like Virgo, a lot of jokes, so prepare yourself. Won't say anything somewhat romantic, but will serve you.
  • Aquarius: Has a more independent, and detached kind of love. But will care for you deeply. They'll stand up for you of someone even does something the don't approve of to you.
  • Pisces: At first, will deny they have feelings for you. But in time they start to soften at the idea of love and will try to be as casual as possible. But when they love you. they mean it.
why I like your sign (use rising too)
  • <p> <b>Aries:</b> You are fun to be around. Though, sometimes you get mad at me and say rude things and I don't like that. Though, you are one of the most fun/adventurous kind of people i know (besides sag) I would want to be best friends with you. (p.s. you're hot af)<p/><b>Taurus:</b> You are one of the funniest people I know. You aren't afraid to be made fun of or make fun of other people. You are a refreshing person to be around, and you don't pressure me to be someone else. I love you guys.<p/><b>Gemini:</b> You guys talk a lot, but it's always so fun to listen to. Whether you're ranting, babbling, or just having a plain conversation, you never cease to entertain me. You always say something hilarious and make me laugh constantly. You have the best people skills out of all the signs and I love you to death. You're so precious and make a wonderful friend.<p/><b>Cancer:</b> You are literally too sweet. People say you guys cry all the time, but you are just a little sensitive, and there's nothing wrong with that. You have a tendency to bounce back--which is great. You are never hung up on anything for too long (contrary to popular belief a.k.a. from my experience with you.) In certain cancers, I've noticed you don't get hurt super easily, but when something hits you, it hits you hard.<p/><b>Leo:</b> You guys are jokers and I love to be around you. You don't take things too seriously. I can make fun of you, and you won't care; you'll just make fun of me back. You're a quality friend and great company.<p/><b>Virgo:</b> You are so great to talk to. The way you see the world is perfect. You are a mix of philosophy, logic, and fun. You are trustworthy and (in my opinion) never judegmental (at least not out loud.) Sometimes you get a little bored of everything, but you just make a really bad joke to liven it up a little.<p/><b>Libra:</b> You all are kind of quiet. You want to fit in, but remember it's okay to be a little awkward and weird. Some other Libras are just loud and don't care who they are--which is one of many great traits of your sign. You get along with almost everyone. (except for those who like to tip the scale with drama.) You have such a beautiful view of life and you can see the good in everyone.<p/><b>Scorpio:</b> I like that you can get a little crazy. You are an attractive person inside and out. You have this thing about you that no matter how hard they try, no one can hate you. They can say they hate you, but they don't truly hate you. At first, you act all sweet and nice, but then when someone gets to know you, there's a whole other side to you (which is super fun to get to know.)<p/><b>Sagittarius:</b> You make the best puns. People are always saying you don't care, and it's definitely true! You are opinionated and blunt. You share your opinions in a matter that everyone can accept. Though, sometimes you are too blunt for your own good. You like to cover your bluntness with a joke, and sometimes it doesn't work. You don't take shit from anyone and that's great. You are one of the funniest signs and I love to be around you.<p/><b>Capricorn:</b> You are so smart, but so down-to-earth. You teach me new things without making me feel stupid. You are always there for me when I need you, and you're sometimes the most awkward person ever, but it's hilarious. You don't get enough credit as a person.<p/><b>Aquarius:</b> You have good intentions, but they don't always pull through. Not a lot hurts you, which can be good and bad. Well, it seems like not a lot hurts you. It's fun to mess around with you, because you take it so well. You like to fight fire with fire and if someone does get to you, you won't take it. You'll fight back and protect yourself. The way you present yourself is attractive and your personality is magnetic. I like you a lot. (you're hot af too)<p/><b>Pisces:</b> You're so kind. You seem to always have your head in the clouds and you seem to always be looking at tomorrow. Though it is fun to dream with you, try to live in the present a little. You are so in touch with your emotions and other people's emotions as well. You seem to be able to connect with everyone on a personal level. You can comfort anyone and do it well. You are a great friend, especially in a personal crisis.<p/></p>

I guess I’ve been throwing awkward jokes recently *cries

the first picture supposed to be 19 days’ mock BTS from last the previous chapter (not the latest) and the second picture was a good-for-nothing awkward jokes hahah -_- sorry

oh right, please be careful with internet now! you guys heard about the hacking by WannaCry (cmiiw) no? my friend’s friend just got his laptop infected with that! every file turns to “(original file name).php.wncry” god it was a mess :(

tattooeyes  asked:

Ok you've probably answered this before and/or dont want to talk about it but im curious so i have to ask. Why do you hate Joyce so much? Everyone i ask seem to have valid yet different reasons so i'm curious which ones are your reasons. Ty!

normally i wouldn’t want to explain it again but i dig you dali and all the links i had to my previous answers to this question no longer exist… so. uh. yeah. i can’t really back out of it this time. damn. here we go 

joyce summers is, in my opinion, a crappy mom. she kicked buffy out of the house for being a slayer, selfishly forced buffy to care for her while she had her brain tumor just because she “wanted to go home”, and (this one is more conjecture than anything else) seemed to prefer dawn to buffy in an overall favortism sort of way. i don’t like to go so far as to call her an abusive parent, because that tends to set people off, but she’s just… not a good mom. she’s the best parental figure on the show, but that doesn’t say a whole lot, does it 

anonymous asked:

*reads the hell out of this blog and can't wait for more* Wonderful. Simply wonderful. Okay, so! How about some hc for Whitebeard Pirates having a blind sister who can't even fight, but is really good cook, and also a bit of a prankster (like some of them, heh) - that also means she's throwing some jokes about her blindness (not only to ease the atmosphere, but also because her disability don't stop her from doing things she likes).

*cries bc you all are so nice & I’m a terrible mod*

I love you nonnie & bless your request

  • Alrighty! So at first everyone would be super careful around her and treat her super delicately. Though once she was like ‘yo, I see what’s going on and I can function without being babied’ 
  • everyone knows they rarely lose but, they can’t have their lil sis being hurt
  • tbh they have a little “secret” room that’s like a little library & tea room, where all the people who cannot fight go to chill and wait it out 
  • At first Marco would be like. ‘finally a nice person who isn’t going to be an actual wild animal’ 
  • Then like one week later she’s mopping his floor with pineapple juice
  • Just saying like… cooking competitions with Thatch 
  • her…. beating…. Thatch in cooking competitions….
  • Ace & Thatch low key kicking objects in her way so she trips & then her picking up said object and throwing it in the way of snickering
  • Haruta & Izo guiding her throughout the ship to help her learn (it’s hard enough for someone with sight let alone without)
  • Also Haruta & Izo kicking Ace & Thatch’s ass whenever they try to mess with her
  • ^ actually everyone’s but…
  • Whitebeard being really proud of her because she’s actually amazing
  • Safe Person™: u make sad
  • avpd: this is it. You knew it was coming. They hate you, you should cut all ties with them so you never have to face them again. They don't want to talk to you, you should learn when to shut up. Everyone leaves so it's better to leave first. They're too good for you anyways, you don't deserve them. Who even cares if they're joking?? They're right, either way. You're just a downer. You ruin everyone around you, you should just be alone. Isolate yourself. Clingy piece of shit. You DESERVE to be alone. You were an idiot to think you could have a friendship that lasted. You ruin everything. Obviously you make them miserable. Just cut yourself off completely. You trusted them and you need them, and that's dangerous. Getting too close always ends badly, you can be hurt so much worse. Distance yourself, learn to stop caring. No one needs you, so you shouldn't need them.

anonymous asked:

Can we talk about the fact that: (oh yeah, might want to tag as spoilers :0) Rohan's last words after EXPLODING are him being concerned with Koichi's safety with complete disregard for his own? Don't know how people can think Rohan is as much of a jerkass as he pretends to be after that. Dude literally isn't even thinking about what just happened to him, and more so cares about it potentially happening to what is likely his closest friend.

THAT CHAPTER SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN FORGOTTEN BY LITERALLY EVERYONE (and honestly I don’t blame him because he died so many times but) I 100% AGREE WITH YOU


Like??? He always does things out of his own best interest at first glance, but there’s so much more to it especially when lives are in danger and it makes me sad when people reduce him to a fandom joke

All the DA and Sonic Dream Collection jokes aside like. it’s honestly pretty neat how Sonic Forces is actually giving people the chance to bring their OCs to life/have a ‘Create a character’ function in the first place.
Say what you will about kids making Sonic OCs in all their overpowered glory, but that’s pretty much like the dream seeing your oc that you cherish actually being in the game with your favorite characters

How to Get Away with Murder - Starter Sentences
  • Feel free to change pronouns/words to your liking!
  • “I never kiss and tell.”
  • “I wanna be her.”
  • “Do you know who anyone really is?”
  • “Were you screwing her?”
  • “I'm done with your crazy.”
  • “Because I'm not marrying a loser.”
  • “Looks like we have more in common than I thought.”
  • “Hooker Mom turned out to be Bomb Mom. I freakin' love this job!”
  • “Smile or go to jail!”
  • “I just wanted to do something.”
  • “Well, she can't resist a challenge, can she?”
  • “We are so, so screwed.”
  • “This is what pilates can do for you.”
  • “I just know that everyone hates their boss.”
  • “Let's hear it for the greedy little pig.”
  • “[NAME], smile. You're going home.”
  • “Somebody woke up in the mood to fight this morning.”
  • “Did you love her?”
  • “She was just lost.”
  • “That's how you like your mistresses, huh? Weak, broken messes that you just clean up.”
  • “I've been staring at the walls for like three days. I need company, otherwise I might go all red rum on your ass. Although, something tells me you might be into that.”
  • “I don't believe you. To be honest, I don't even care.”
  • “See? Sexting pays off.”
  • “Oh my god, are you crying?”
  • “Listen to yourself. You just can't stop lying.”
  • “You won't be the first person in the world disappointed by their father.”
  • “Wow, someone have daddy issues?”
  • “That's the best thing I've seen in days.”
  • “Whatever it takes. Isn't that what you said?”
  • “You still feel like making jokes now?”
  • “You forgot his name and he's still into you? What do you have, some kind of voodoo penis?”
  • “He wanted to kill me. I had no other choice. I had to kill him or he was going to kill me.”
  • “He deserved to die. And I'm glad he's dead.”
  • “Take all the time you want. I'll be here.”
  • “Speak of the devil and she shall appear.”
  • “Are you good for anything, or can you only do your job when you're screwing evidence out of someone?”
  • “You're a monster.”
  • “I'm so sorry.”
  • “Please forgive me for what I said.”
  • “So please come home, [NAME]. Come home so we can be together. Come home.”
  • “I have a drug problem, [NAME].”
  • “She apologized to me. That's not something she does. Ever.”
  • “You call it crazy. I call it winning.”
  • “He's not the man we thought he was.”
  • “Hey there, killer.”
  • “You didn't do this. They did. Don't let them ruin you.”
  • “Maybe I'm a good faker.”
  • “When in doubt, shut your mouth.”
  • “I can't sleep without having nightmares. I'm scared I might be going crazy.”
  • “Thank God I don't have a gun or I'd shoot her myself.”
  • “You hurt my feelings. A lot. And I know I should be used to it now because everyone here makes fun of me all the time but you didn't. And then you were mean to me for no reason. Yeah, whatever. I'll, I'll stop being a jerk.”
  • “Seriously, just because my facial hair isn't exactly as luscious as yours, doesn't mean I can't still kick your ass.”
  • “You said you loved me, over and over. But you don't, do you? You love her.”
  • “Don't say that if you don't mean it.”
  • “I mean it. I don't love her anymore. I love you.”
  • “I did it. I killed [NAME].”
  • “You need to leave.”
  • “You do realize I'm not scared to hit a bitch.”
  • “Oh, just throw me down the stairs. (Optional: You did a pretty good job with [NAME].)”
  • “You know I'm not that guy.”
  • “A person can lift almost anything if they're desperate enough.”
'Fresh Off the Boat' Star: I Don't Need to Represent Every Asian Mom Ever

Constance Wu talks about accents and preserving authenticity

“Stereotypes are only dangerous when they are used as the butt of the joke, and our writers have taken great care to never write a single joke that is based upon a stereotype. The fact that this is the first show in 20 years that has Asian leads— carrying a story instead of supporting a white person’s story — takes away that burden of stereotypes. What makes a stereotype harmful is when it’s a one-dimensional person.
"I think the reason people have been quick to throw the stereotype criticism on us is because there will always be people who are laughing at the wrong thing. Some people are like, “Oh, stereotypical accent!” An accent is an accent. If there were jokes written about the accent, then that would certainly be harmful. But there aren’t jokes written about it. It’s not even talked about. It’s just a fact of life: immigrants have accents. Making the choice to have that is a way of not watering down the character and making it politically correct. It’s choosing authenticity over safety, and I think that’s bold. The people who are going to laugh at the alleged stereotypes are the same people who are going to laugh at their Chinese waiter in the restaurant next door for very coarse, uneducated reasons.
"We’re not writing the show to placate the idiots. So to anybody who accuses us of utilizing stereotypes, I would challenge them to point them out when they’re used as humor tools, because they aren’t.”

How to Get a Date with the Signs
  • Aries: Play as hard to get as you can, while still subtly letting them know you like them. No one likes a chase more than they do.
  • Taurus: Be patient and pay attention to what they say. Be ready to make the first move.
  • Gemini: Joke around a lot and bounce off ideas with them. They don't care that much about who makes the first move.
  • Cancer: You have to either be ready to wait or make the first move yourself. Make it clear that you like them and, even with little things, they'll notice.
  • Leo: Shower them with compliments. Seriously, stroke their ego a lot and they'll bite. Make sure they feel like you think they're the best.
  • Virgo: Ask for their help and compliment them on their work. Make it obvious that you're not taking advantage of them. You'll probably need to make the first move.
  • Libra: Watch a lot of romantic comedies or read a lot of romance books and take tips from that. Don't let them see you be rude and give them their space.
  • Scorpio: Ask enough about them to make it seem you're interested, but not enough to be intrusive. Pay attention to what they have to say.
  • Sagittarius: Be fun. Talk about philosophy, history, whatever; they might not seem like the type, but they're immensely attracted to that kind of thing.
  • Capricorn: They're used to their work going without notice, so appreciate what they do. Don't pick on them, they're really not into that.
  • Aquarius: Hope for the best, because you can be as obvious as you want and they wouldn't notice. Rule of thumb is to be as non-judgemental as possible.
  • Pisces: Pay a lot of attention to them and use what you learn in offhanded comments. Be as sweet as you can.

I just realized that we know from Agents of SHIELD that fully functional ocular prosthesis exist in the MCU, and yet Nick Fury still chose to keep his injured eye and wear a fucking eyepatch over it instead because he probably thought it looked badass as fuck and he’s like the physical embodiment of overly dramatic

Sentence Starters (Teen Titans Edition)
  • "Well how am I supposed to watch TV without a remote?"
  • "Not everything on the menu is a pizza topping."
  • "Are you pit-sniffers normally this stupid?"
  • "That didn't just happen. Tell me that didn't just happen."
  • "This is the worst thing that could ever happen!"
  • "See? SHE thinks I'm funny."
  • "Everything's pointless; wanna go talk about it?"
  • "Uh, you can't be the good guys. We're the good guys."
  • "You've been chasing the wrong girl."
  • "Well, you're an over-sized klutz and your feet smell like motor oil!"
  • "The displeasing taste will ease your troubled mind."
  • "Okay, it's not a ridiculous's a BRILLIANT one!"
  • "Is this punishment? I did something wrong?"
  • "You are such a clorbag."
  • "You can't stay mad forever. What? Do I have to do the face? You know you can't resist the face."
  • "You have to be all right, okay?"
  • "I'm sorry. I never said it, but I'm really, really sorry."
  • "Four and a half pounds of baby back ribs! Man, I love picnic food!"
  • "At least she listens. I just kinda tune you out."
  • "Look, I'd love to talk fashion, but I don't suppose you'd know how to get home?"
  • "I always thought you were funny, but hey, looks aren't everything!"
  • "First you nuke breakfast, then finally laugh at my jokes, then you're all weepy, and now you're a Marine?! Make up your mind!"
  • "I'm way better looking than this. And taller."
  • "Ladies, please - one at a time. You'll all get to take a picture with me."
  • "So my fellow couch potatoes, what'll it be?"
  • "'Kay, do you come with subtitles?"
  • "You want to yell at me, too? Everyone else has, and I don't blame them."
  • "Uh, how did I get here and why am I covered in drool?"
  • "Dude, that's not funny! I totally have a brain! I just don't use it much..."
  • "All you care about, you destroy."
  • "Don't you ever compare me to him."
  • "I will not be havin' attitude from a boat!"
  • "I will annihilate them - and I will make you watch."
  • "That was vicious, dishonorable, and ruthless. Excellent work."
  • "And you guys thought my zombie theory was crazy."
  • "All-you-can-eat... free-form... breakfast explosion!"
  • "No, there's no meat in tofu, it's tofu!"
  • "He'll get ketchup on the seats!"
  • "I only turned the music up to DROWN OUT ALL THE YELLING!"
  • "KNOCK IT OFF! I can't work with you two acting like idiots!"
  • "Past, present, future. It's all written in stone, my dear."
  • "Now, who said y'all could start without me?"
  • "My body may have its limitations, but when I put my mind to it, there's nothing I can't do."

remember when getting the first GOT trailer of the season was this exhilarating, heart stopping experience where it felt like the whole world narrowed down to the first ep that will knock you on your ass

how did we go from that to apathetic jokes, shitty david bowie covers and the same tired dialogue dragged out of the mud of past trailers to reform into this anticlimactic crap cupcake 

It’s legitimately so sad to see all of these Alaska Thunderfuck fans pull a 180 because she had one bad week and let the pressure get to her. After willingly and intentionally staying in the background in the stand up comedy challenge to get Alyssa back in, as well as delivering amazing runways and challenges every week, to see her defamed by a shady edit to make a complete joke bribe seem serious really sucks. This is the same queen that chose to go first for the roast challenge in her season despite heavy criticism from Michelle because she didn’t want the others to feel uncomfortable. On top of all this, most of her criticisms this week were really undue and I certainly think she didn’t deserve the harshest critique.

anonymous asked:

Hi, you are awesome and your writing is the best! Could you please make rap monster make a dad joke? I don't know why but it just sounds hilarious in my head. Love you~~

“What’s the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?”

“I don’t care,” Yoongi replies to Namjoon, who doesn’t seem to be interested in what the younger is saying.

Yoongi was interested in the first ten jokes, but anything after that just calls for Namjoon’s mouth to be duct taped. Namjoon has entered a tacky dad joke phase and has been non-stop since the other night.

“You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna!”

“What about the glue?” Jimin asks, definitely looking more entertained by Namjoon’s jokes if laughing like a hyena and clapping his hands is any indication.

“I knew you’d get stuck there.”

Jimin stares at Namjoon, who stares back and waits until the younger registers it. The younger takes a few seconds before he catches the pun and starts losing his shit once more.

Keep reading

Imagine Eren and Levi going to the zoo and they see a rhinoceros or something, and it’s so cool and Eren is absolutely beside himself with excitement because he’s never been to a zoo before. He’s gushing about it, reading the little information plaque to Levi and pointing out each one and commenting on their horns and stuff. Levi’s just watching them graze and tuning Eren out, for the most part.

They’re about to move on when Eren freezes in place. The rhino turns away from them, defecates, then promptly steps in it and kicks it backwards. Eren turns his head slowly, nervously, to look at Levi’s face, and… Yep. Twisted in absolute horror. Predictably, and much to Eren’s dismay, Levi ends up completely and totally appalled and disgusted and 100% done for the rest of the day.

And it was the first fucking enclosure. They still have the whole zoo to see.

Poor Eren.

(seriously have you seen them poop oh my god i don’t care how many poop jokes levi makes he would have a fit look at this jfc)