not the best but oh well you know

Biscuits

“Daddy, can I have another biscuit?”

“No, love,” said John. “But you can have a bedtime story.”

“How about a bedtime story and a biscuit?”

“How about a bedtime story about biscuits?” suggested Sherlock.

“Oh, all right.”

“You know that Mrs. Hudson makes the best biscuits,” Sherlock began. “Well, one day, before you were born, she baked a great big batch, and brought them up to the flat for Daddy and me. They smelled very good, and they tasted even better.”

“I want a biscuit!”

“I don’t know if this it the best idea for a bedtime story,” said John.

“Yes it is! Tell me!”

“Only if you promise to stop asking for biscuits,” said John.

“Okay. But it had better be a good story.”

“It is,” said Sherlock.

“Maybe I’d better tell it,” said John. “It has an important lesson about will power.”

“What’s will power?”

“Listen to the story, and you’ll find out.

“Your papa and I ate many of Mrs. Hudson’s biscuits, one after another. I told Papa that we should stop eating, or we would soon be sick.”

“I could barely hear what Daddy was trying to say, because his mouth was full of biscuits.”

“How come Daddy’s allowed to talk with his mouth full, and I’m not?”

“I was not talking with my mouth full,” John said. “Papa doesn’t remember this story very well, because he ate so many biscuits that his brain got all fuzzy.”

“That’s not medically accurate.”

“Which one of us is the doctor? You were on a sugar high. Now let me finish this story.”

Sherlock huffed, but allowed John to continue.

“Your papa said that we should each eat one last biscuit, and then we would stop. We each ate one last biscuit. There were lots of biscuits left.

‘Let us eat one very last biscuit,’ Papa said, ‘and then we will stop.’

We each ate one very last biscuit.

‘We must stop eating!’ cried Papa, as he ate another.

‘Yes,’ I told him, ‘we need will power.’

‘What is will power?’ Papa asked.”

“I did not ask that,” said Sherlock. “I know perfectly well what will power is.”

“Well, Rosie doesn’t, so I’ll tell her now what I told you then. Will power is trying hard not to do something that you really want to do.”

“Like asking for more biscuits?”

“Right,” said John. “Your papa and I wanted to eat all of the biscuits. So, I put the biscuits in a box.

‘There,’ I said. ‘Now we will not eat any more biscuits.’”

“But couldn’t you just open the box?”

“That’s exactly what Papa asked. So, I tied some string around the box.

‘There,’ I said. ‘Now we will not eat any more biscuits.’

‘But we can cut the string and open the box,’ said Papa.

‘That is true,’ I said.

I got a ladder, and put the box up on a high shelf.”

“So high that even Papa couldn’t reach it?”

“Yes.

‘There,’ I said. ‘Now we will not eat any more biscuits.’

‘But we can climb the ladder and take the box down from the shelf and cut the string and open the box,’ said Papa.

‘That is true,’ I said.

I climbed the ladder and took the box down from the shelf. I cut the string and opened the box. I opened the window and tossed the biscuits out into the air.

I shouted, ‘HEY, PIGEONS! HERE ARE BISCUITS! COME AND GET THEM!’

Pigeons came from everywhere. They snatched up all of the biscuits in their beaks and flew away.

‘Now we have no more biscuits to eat,’ Papa said sadly. ‘Not even one.’

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘But we have lots and lots of will power.’

‘You may keep it all,’ said Papa. ‘I am going downstairs to ask Mrs. Hudson to bake me a cake.’”

“I want cake!”

“Well, maybe if you’re a very good girl, and go to sleep now, Mrs. Hudson will bake you one tomorrow.”


You can read the rest of the Frog and Toad inspired Bedtime Stories with Sherlock and John on AO3.


Tags under the cut - please let me know if you’d like me to tag or untag you

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3

Quinn: Thanks so much for having us, Rah Rah.. 

Jarrah: Anything for my pregnant little sister! 

Quinn: Ha, I can’t believe I was so silly to think you wouldn’t figure it out. 

Jarrah: Well.. it was kind of obvious… 

Quinn: You know, Josie guessed too.. 

Jarrah: You never were the best secret keeper. 

Quinn: WHAT?.. I am so!… Well, other peoples secrets and ones that aren’t ‘good news’ 

Jarrah: I will give you that…. So, do you know what you’re having yet? 

Quinn: Nah, we’ve decided to not find out, we want it to be a surprise.. 

Jarrah: Oh, we did that with Ruby, I’m really glad we did, it just added to the excitement of having a baby. 

Quinn: are you guys going to have anymore? 

Jarrah: Yeah, probably… We’ve talked about it but want to wait until Ruby is at least 3..  

Quinn: Well, that is only a few months away! 

I’m proud of who I am
No more monsters, I can breathe again
And you said that I was done
Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come
‘Cause I can make it on my own
And I don’t need you, I found a strength I’ve never known
I’ll bring thunder, I’ll bring rain, oh
When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name

Me: OKAY OKAY SO YOU SEE THAT? PENNYWISE IS A FUCKING SAVAGE. HE KNOWS HE JUST ROASTED THE FUck OUTTA BILL AND HE !!! GIVES !!! NO !!! FUCKS OHM YYG OD.
My Best Friend:
Me: Oh god I’m a terrible person
My Best Friend: Why?
Me: *muffling myself and hiding my face* becasdkjuse kdfkd i fuckdsjfkdsa thekjf j;dscldsaiejkown
My Best Friend: What? You have to tell me
Me: *Begins miming Pennywise*
My Best Friend: You wanna fuck the clown.
Me: HAHHAH JBJKDK HA HAhhah NO?? WHAT??? PFFT. THE FUCK. HE’S A CLO- I DON’T- NO. IM CRYING. WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT
My Best Friend: Well, he is the villain in the story
Me:

letthepeoplesay-oh  asked:

Okay, question: ive heard people on here talk about Six of Crows but I don't know what it is. If you're not sobbing too incoherently (which is perfectly understandable, feels are hard) could you explain??

oh my gosh. oh my gosh. okay, here is my best - well - *blinks*

apparently the official tagline is “six dangerous outcasts. one impossible heist.” and that’s not wrong but it’s also the barest sketch of what you’re getting out of this book (it’s a duology, so we get six of crows and then crooked kingdom, which I am about to dive into). instead, picture this. 

picture a charles dickens tale about teenage crooks and convicts, cross it with some mythology, civil war, a class of people who can essentially do magic and who face particular civil rights problems on that front including slavery, and a dash of conniving, self-serving adults who don’t even notice the ruined lives under their heels. take those children, those teenage convicts and crooks, and give them a leader with a chip on his shoulder, a bad limp, and trauma in his past who slowly realizes he’s begun to care about people again. take a girl, a wraith, from a brothel who seizes the chance at a second life even with all it costs her, a girl who can disappear and reappear without anyone the wiser, a girl who can rescue herself with the help of her seven knives, named after saints, and what her father taught her. take a boy from a farm who can’t win at cards but likes boys who play the flute; take a girl with powers who wants to go home but won’t let herself just yet; take a boy taught all the wrong things and watch him unlearn it bit by bit; take an impossible heist and 30 million kruge and watch them all scramble, and then toss in an incredible denial-denial-denial romance between the crooked king and the wraith queen and settle in for a wild ride.

um. does that help? this book is having an effect on me.

all this new short haired ladybug art has got me like *heart eyes*

Across The Hall

Pairing: Y/N and Harry

Word Count: 2000

Prompt:

“My date is tonight and I can’t cook to save my life so I was hoping maybe you can cook something and I could pass it off as my own,” Harry says.

Y/N giggles, walking down her hallway and into the living room where she can see her door is wide open, she closes it and turns back to Harry. He’s looking at her with a hopeful look in his eyes and a charming smile that Y/N can’t deny.

“Of course, I mean you helped me move, it’s the least I can do” Y/N smiled, “what time is your date?”

“Seven,” Harry says.

Y/N places her lower lip in between her teeth and her hands on her hip as she thinks, “okay yeah, I can do that, is this like a I want to actually date you date or a tinder type thing?”

“Tinder.”

Y/N rolls her eyes and hold the door open, “I’ll do it, but I do not agree with your motives.”

or

Y/N is the girl across the hall who tries to help Harry find a girl to settle down with, but Harry wants Y/N so he sabotages all his dates.


Harry was the first to notice Y/N.

She was standing next to her moving truck, pulling her hair into a ponytail with the blue scrunchie wrapped around her wrist. She was cute-not the normal type Harry would go for-but he would still try. Y/N was cute, and somehow dressed modest on the hottest day of the year, a white t-shirt tucked into a pair of sky blue shorts and sneakers, Harry was sure he hadn’t seen a girl with as much clothing as she had on, and that spoke loads to his character and choice women.

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8

no I have never heard of the date tech volleyball club I swear I do not know who they are

HP fandom: Tumblr vs Chumps

How Non-Tumblr Users (aka chumps) See The Houses:

Ravenclaw: That’s the smart house right? The quiet nerds. Smart and pretentious, no one cares about them. Always reading books, and uhhhh Cho and Luna, right?

Slytherin: Evil Death Eaters. Cruel bastards, hope you all choke on Voldemort’s ass. You’re all a bunch of little Draco Malfoy’s, ew worst house. No wonder everyone hates you. Regulus Black who??

Gryffindor: OMG GRYFFINDOR IS FAMMM. Slay that dark evil shit. Best house ever, lol so brave. So glad that irrelevant quiz sorted me into Gryffindor (especially since I made such an effort to pick the corresponding answers lmao) Ya it’s lit

Hufflepuff: The potatoes of the fandom. Pushovers who live in the kitchen. Wear yellow or something…They uhhh they like plants? Oh and poor Cedric Diggory haha yeah.

How Tumblr Users See The Houses:

Ravenclaw: Lives are a disorganized mess, but hey did you know these hundred facts about the marsupials in Australia? Fandom trash, they waste time on Tumblr and Netflix. Haven’t left the house in a month. Less about doing well in school and more about their love for learning. Sarcasm for days and even more wit. ROWENA RAVENCLAW BITCHES, WE HAVE A TOWER TOO, AND WE DEMAND A STORY FOR OURSELVES

Slytherin: Kings and Queens of Tumblr. The evilest they’ve ever been is when they didn’t reblog that picture of a kitten and puppy cuddling. Total Smartasses. Innocent, but don’t let that fool you because they can and will ruin your life. They’re everywhere. Completely annihilated the idea that they’re the “bad” house. If they had a Knut for every aesthetic post, they’d have more dough than Gringotts. Innuendos are their forte. Drarry shippers that will rip your head off. #REGULUSBLACKISAGODDAMNHERO pass it on. Hiss hiss motherf*ckers.

Gryffindor: They’re chill and out there somewhere, but they aren’t the stars of the show. Not many of them on Tumblr, but still part of the HP fam. Scared of spiders and the dark lmao.

Hufflepuff: LISTEN UP BITCH, THIS POTATO WILL /FRY YOU/. Don’t mess with them, because they’ve had enough of your shit. They’re fierce, they’re loyal, and they’re hardworking. They will f*ck you up if you even SUGGEST that they’re lame. Helga accepted everyone left over, because the rest of the founders are assholes. RIP Cedric Diggory and here’s a list of reasons why he deserved more

dnajennie  asked:

red is known for having their her paladin prove their worth before letting them pilot her right, so i wonder how lance is gonna prove his worth like im really excited for that scene in season three

red: speak, earthling. tell me your deepest desires. what do you hold dear to you?

lance: well i, uh…. keith’s….. keith’s really important to me and-

red, opening her mouth: oh bitch mood? step right the fuck up welcome aboard damn!

cute couple things — p.p.

summary : extended dating peter would include… ft. a bunch of random thoughts i had about peter being a cute soft boyfriend !!!

  • reads your favorite books and memorizes lines from them that he can sneak into conversations to make you smile :)
  • it’s v hard for him to not look at you when he’s with you he just always wants to be looking at your face
    • “it’s, like, really hard to stop staring at you”
    • “huh?”
    • “you’re so pretty i can’t stop looking wow”
  • lights up !!!! when you walk into a room even if he’s just seen you two minutes ago and you were only in the bathroom for like a second
  • kisses you all of your face whenever he can just infinite amounts of kisses pressed across your cheeks and your nose and your eyelids 
  • he doesn’t really do nicknames like he’s not a darling sort of person
  • if he’s gonna call you anything it’ll probably be babe/baby/pretty girl or something of that sort
  •  (i started the pretty girl trend on the low don’t @ me)
  • sometimes you call him bro and he gets so offended 
    • “listen,,, peter,,, bro,,,,”
    • y/NNNN i’m not bro!!!!!!”
    • “k bro”
    • “you’re the worst” 
  • his face resembles that of a disgruntled pouty kitten whenever you call him bro
  • in school he taps his cheek lightly while facing away from you until you give him a kiss there and does that periodically throughout the day until MJ throws a pencil at him
    • “peter enough she’s kissed you like fifty times in the past twenty minutes haven’t you had enough”
    • “it’s never enough”
  • hands down gives the best hugs ever!!!! sweetest, softest, warmest hugs that you never wanna leave and they leave you a blushy mess for hours
  • nerd who tells you that you’re prettier than any star in the sky
  • will fight for your honor even if it means getting punched in the nose by one of flash’s bigger friends because flash won’t take on peter himself
    • “fuck peter why would you even call flash a giant dick??? like i know he is one but why would you ever you know his friend is like some sort of mutant tree”
    • “he said your butt was nice i can’t just let that sort of comment slide babe it’s unacceptable”
  • always knows he can rant to you about science bc you actually listen!!! and you care!! and you ask questions and you make him SO HAPPy!!
  • asks for permission to do everything
    • “hey would it be cool if i held your hand right now”
    • “yes of course”
    • “oh awesome!”
  • you send him selfies and his replies vary but they’re usually along the lines of
    • “oh my gosh you’re so cute i’m coming over”
    • “i love you you angel let me kiss you tomorrow”
    • “wow i have a real liFE ethereal as the love of my life i love the world”
  • sends a goodnight/goodmorning text every day with each heart emoji he can find 
  • his entire recently used section is just different colored hearts and rainbows and sparkles because he uses emojis obnoxiously
  • he’s convinced that the worst thing in the world is having to leave you after a long day of hanging out on a saturday or something
  • will 10/10 complain for hours to may about going home because he’s not with you anymore and he’s clingy
  • you’re his best friend and he’s not afraid to scream about it
    • “my best friend is dating me!!!!!!! i’m so lucky i love them so much” 
    • “peter we know”
    • “well now you know just a little extra all right?”
  • wishes you were able to fall asleep in his arms more often but you’re still young and he’s like oh well we have forever to do that
  • you insult each other all the time basically but??? you both love it banter is everything
      • “penis parKER flash is clever tbh”
      • “you’re such a little shit i’m actually going to fight you”
      • “seriously i dare you put your fists up now”
  • if you post a selfie and he doesn’t like it right away you’ll text him seven times in a row hinting that he should go like and comment 
  • texts at four am about random conspiracy theories or weird facts that only you two would find interesting 
  • shoulders = pillows on the train/bus most of the time
  • he is such a slut for having his hair played with ngl
  • it makes him so happy n calm he could lie like that, with your fingers just raking through his hair, for hours on end
  • he’s never felt more at home than when you’re sitting with him at his kitchen table eating mushy mac and cheese that he tried to make himself because may wasn’t home to help him out as you playfully make fun of him for ruining pasta
  • listens to ed sheeran songs with you because he’s an ed lover honestly and every song makes him think of you
  • hand massages when you’re cramping up after long tests or in class essays that leave you super stressed n anxious (fuck u ruby thx for the idea that murdered me n my soft spirit)
  • knows how to settle you nerves better than anyone else and vice versa
  • puts his hands on your cheeks before he kisses you 
  • you always joke about spidey in class and no one gets what you’re saying but he does and freaks out
    • “that’s a sticky situation”
    • “y/n” 
    • “don’t worry i found that on the web
    • y/n
    • “do you think spiders are men
    • “oh my gOD”
  • he doesn’t care at all if you take one of his sweaters or all of his sweaters he just gives zero fucks you could take them all and he’d love you for it 
    • “here take this one too”
    • “peter i have too many and it’s almost april”
    • “but you’d look so cute in this one” then he pouts and you’re a goner
  • peter writes you tiny notes in class that are his weird thoughts and ramblings and feelings but you save them all and put them in a memory box
    • there was one and it said here’s a concept : you have a bright future ahead of you, and i’m there. i like that concept.
      • you did, too
  • watches every cheesy romantic movie on netflix with you not just because you want to, but because he does too and he can’t help it that’s just how it is 
  • matching ugly christmas sweaters at christmastime because peter parker is an annoying headass and refuseS to go anywhere without one during the holiday season and if he’s wearing one he’s making you match
  • super spidey strength allows him to give you piggy back rides all throughout manhattan when you guys head to the city 
  • makes you kiss him in the rain even though there’s water up your nose and your hair is matted to your forehead 
  • one text makes your heart go !!!!!!!!! because that’s your boy!!!!! and you love him so much because he’s a lovely beautiful person that deserves the world !!!!!
  • making out is rarely super fast n intense like it’s still intense but you go slowly and you can make out for hours without a c are in the world
  • makes sure his hair looks nice before he goes out on a date with you
  • tells you that he loves you and that he’s happy you’re a part of his life as often as he can manage 
  • just wants to love you unconditionally forever
  • texts you at 11:11 every night and says something cheesy as fuck like “you’re my wish tonight babe” or “11:11 is always for you” and sometimes he’ll @ you on snap and you’re like wow we’re That couple 
  • but honestly???? you don’t care that much he’s so cute
  • knows your order at every restaurant/fast food chain/coffee shop imaginable and if he happens to pass by a mcdonalds or dunkin donuts while he’s swinging around queens he tries to pick something up for you 
  • you love his eyes you could probably get lost in them they’re gorgeous
    • “peter your eyes are so lovely i hate you”
    • “aw i love you more babe you say the sweetest things to me”
  • you think his smile is the prettiest thing ever
  • and when his face scrunches up when he’s super happY???? amazing you kiss him immediately everywhere and he gets so flustered and he giggles and tries to squirm away but not really
  • cause he loves it
  • and he loveS YOU
  • i love my boyfriend goodnight to all

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Oh Sehun//Fast Lane

Summary: You finally find out how your big cousin earns her money - she’s the flag girl for the illegal street races in your neighborhood, and now she’s dragging you along. And that’s where you meet the Hawaii-shirt wearing, orange-headed Oh Sehun, ace street racer and smartass.
Scenario: street racer!au 
Word Count: 6,337

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anonymous asked:

omg i just watched this show called bakers or fakers. basically two professional bakers compete against hobbyist. though who's who is kept a secret till the end. they have challenges with certain ingredients or desserts. i can totally imagine bitty going on the show.

YUP!

Also AU where Jack is a guest judge on the show and he knows he’s supposed to be there as the “Eye Candy Sports Star” and isn’t expected to actually know much about baking or about knowing who is the professional or the faker BUT the Falconers (for the first time since Jack was named captain) failed to make the playoffs (so. many. injuries. Jack himself was out for a huge chunk of the season and Tater pulled his hammy and it was– Not his fault. Jack knows that but STILL). The point is Jack had some extra time on his hands and so not only did he watch every episode of Bakers and Fakers to get used to the format, he also read tons of How To Bake books and he was going to start on the youtube channels but he’d run out of time. (Plus Jack prefers books, youtube videos can be a bit too loud for him. Especially with the weird background music some of them put on while things are baking.)

The point is: Jack goes to this taping Way Too Hyped and, honestly, putting a lot of the competitive spirit he reserves for hockey into Judging. Jack is going to get this: he is going to figure out who are the bakers and who are the fakers and… well actually there’s no scoring system per se but he is going to give specific feedback and win this thing anyhow.

Enter Eric Bittle.

Tiny. Blond. Friendly. Stunningly attractive. Freakishly fast at baking. Super nice to one of his fellow contestants who looks like a sweet old grandma. Super condescending and says things like “Oh, honey, that’s precious” to other fellow contestant who Jack thinks is a bit of a prick. 

Jack decides right away that he must be a Faker. He is too young not to be. And he keeps cutting corners, not doing the things that Jack had read about and if there is one thing that Jack “knows” is that’s you Don’t Cut Corners in baking. So he is the faker. 

He is also the best, but Jack is not to be deterred. Bittle gets through the first round no problem (Douchebag’s cupcakes were basic and dry so he goes and the other contestants seem happy about it.) and it’s onto the second round. For this round, all the contestants have to use maple syrup (in honor of Jack). Jack and the other judges bicker easily among themselves about who left is the Faker and who is the Baker and Jack tries over and over to get them to see that clearly Bittle is a faker. He has to be. There is no way he can use that much maple syrup without it coming out too sweet. He is making rookie mistakes. At one point, he added sirracha to his pie?? It didn’t make sense. He doesn’t make sense. Jack is positive.

Then they get to the tasting and the other two contestants are good and Jack is pretty confident that Marsha is a professional because damn her maple crisp thing is delicious but–

But then he takes a bite of Bittle’s maple crusted pie and he… he sees stars honestly.

“I was wrong,” Jack Zimmerman admits out loud to a studio audience. (Okay, that’s an exaggeration, the day is too long so there is no live audience). “He’s the real deal. He’s a baker for sure.”

The other judges agree. And because they have to give less money to real Bakers and thus always chose who they thing is a real Baker (and because Bittle was handsdown the best), Bittle wins the show.

And then comes the question: “Are you a baker or are you a faker?”

Marsha (as Jack suspected) is a Baker. That’s okay. Janelle is the faker and then Jack was right. They have Bittly announce what he is next. There’s the tense silence. Jack is glaring at him without really meaning to. 

“I.” Bittle starts. Jack hasn’t felt so pumped since he was playing against the Flyers and they were tied up with 34 seconds left. “Am. A.”

Jack is holding his breath. He needs a win. He was right about this.

“Faker!”

Bittle laughs. The other judges all exclaim at how amazed they are by this. The host gets Bittle to explain that he is still a college student and he does most of his baking in a frat house (hence the sirracha move). Everyone is amazed.

Jack is livid. He knew it and then stupid Bittle made him change his answer. He should have stuck with his gut, he should have–

“Sorry for fooling you right at the end, darling,” Bittle says as they wrap up, shooting him a smile. “Had to get that 15 grand though.”

“I knew it, though,” Jack mumbles, feeling his face go a bit red. “I did know it.”

“Oh, you had no idea,” Bittle says and though he’s laughing, Jack doesn’t feel mocked. “You can’t know everything about me that quick!”

Bittle is cute and small and compact and Jack feels that rush he feels when he’s been bested but by a team that deserves it.

“How much time?” he blurts. Bittle blinks at him. He flushes harder but continues anyway. “Would it take to know everything?”

“Well, I- I-” Bittle is a bit flustered now too. Jack can see his face getting red. It’s adorable. But, unlike Jack, he manages to collect himself rather quickly. “I think dinner would be as good a place to start as any.”

And so that’s where they start. 

Another kinky wager

Summary: As he previously promised, Bucky helps you work out all those irritating little kinks in your pool game.
Characters: Bucky x Reader
Warnings: Absolutely NSFW. It’s all sex and pool tables folks, please walk away unless you’re over 18.  

A/N: Decided to write a follow-up to ‘Pool balls and underpants’, because I just couldn’t move on without a smutty sequel. This can read as a stand-alone story, but it will make more sense why Bucky’s wearing Steve’s underwear if you read the first part. And besides, who doesn’t love reading sassy sexual innuendos from Bucky Barnes?

Also, I meant this to be short, and once again my imagination spiralled out of control, and here we are. I regret nothing.

Pool balls and underpants 
MASTERLIST


He’s startled for a moment, before a sly smile stretches across his face, and he whips around to follow, white socks slipping and sliding on the smooth tiles as he chases after you.

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You Suck, Parker

Request: #111 with peter ?

Prompt: 111.  A (whispering): I really like you and want to kiss you a lot.
       B: What?
       A: I said you suck.

Word Count: 1476

Warnings: SO MANY SEXUAL INNUENDOS

A/N: Holy moly I had so much fun writing this one.

Summary: Peter and Y/N have been friends for quite some time and wow, they finally admit their feelings for each other while making a few sexual innuendos here and there. (THis is fluffy I swear).

MASTERLIST


“Y/N, when will you be home tonight?” Your mother asked you.

“Not sure. Peter and I have a Chem test on Monday and want to try and get a lot of studying in before then,”

“Meaning the two of you won’t study at all, but watch movies and then fall asleep on the couch,”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” you you admitted.

“Alright, behave yourself and make sure you’re home by tomorrow morning,”

“Of course, mom. I’ll see you tomorrow!” You said as you left your house to head to Peter’s.

You and Peter had known each other for quite a long time, and you usually spent your Friday night’s ‘studying’ aka, attempting to study but ending up watching movies.

You would argue that you were Peter’s best friend, but Ned always says otherwise. But you and Peter were rather close, you were always spending time with him, and it was no secret to you that he was Spiderman.

And of course, you harboured feelings for the boy. For as long as you could remember you had had a crush on Peter Parker. And damn, were your feelings growing with each passing day. Peter, of course, had no idea, but you weren’t exactly sure whether that was a problem or not.

When you arrived at Peter’s door, you knocked and May let you in.

“Y/N! Peter will be so happy you’re here. He’s in his room, just go on it,”

“Thanks May! It’s great to see you,”

“Nice to see you too, Y/N,” She said as you walked away towards Peter’s room

“Knock knock,” You said, opening Peter’s bedroom door.

“Y/N, hey,” he smiled

You walked in and sat down on Peter’s chair, across from his bed where he was sitting.

“So did you bring your books?” Peter asked

“Of course not Parker. We never actually study, I thought why bother lugging heavy textbooks over here if we weren’t actually going to study,”

Peter laughed, “That’s fair, but I thought we could skip the movie tonight?”

“Skip the movie? Who are you and what have you done with Peter Parker?”

“C’mon, I had a better idea,”

“And what is this better idea of yours Mr Parker?” You questioned.

Peter smiled at you, stood up and walked across his room to his closet. He began stripping, pulling his shirt off

“Not that I’m opposed to this, but what are you doing Parker?”

Peter laughed, “I’m putting on my Spidey suit,”

“Oh, so not only are you getting naked, but you’re getting kinky,” you raised your eyebrows.

“Geez, Y/N, didn’t realize you were into that kinda thing,” Peter said, continuing to put on his suit.

“Oh there’s a lot you don’t know i’m into,” 

“Oh yeah, and what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Play your cards right and maybe one day you’ll find out,”

“I’ll definitely keep that in mind,” Peter said.

He put the mask over his face and walked over and held his hand out to you,

“Shall we, my dear?”

“And what exactly are we doing?”

“Just, come with me,”

You took Peter’s hand and followed him out onto his fire escape.

“What now, Parker?” You asked

Peter wrapped his arm around your waist and said “Now you hold on tight,”

“Oh god,” you muttered, wrapping your arms around his neck.

Suddenly, your feet weren’t on the fire escape anymore, you could feel yourself flying through the air. Your heart was rapidly beating

“Don’t worry, Y/N, I’ve got you,” Peter said.

You tightened your grip on Peter, closed your eyes, and buried your face in his neck. You felt Peter’s arm wrap tighter around your waist.

Soon, you felt Peter hit the ground, and he slowly let go of you and your feet hit the ground.

You opened your eyes and looked around, you were standing on a roof,

“Where are we?”

“I found this place not too long ago, its nothing special, but you can see so much of the city from up here, I thought it was so beautiful when I first saw it. It reminded me of you. I knew I had to show you,” Peter answered, taking off his mask.

You walked to the edge of the building and stared off watching the lights of the city. The cars’ lights reflections danced off the windows of the buildings around you. You could hear the noises of the city below, the car horns and the sirens, yet everything was quiet so high up.

“It really is beautiful up here, Peter,” you turned to look at him

“I’m glad you like it,” He smiled, rubbing the back go his head with his hand.

“Its not just the view I like, Peter,”

“Right, you like the Spidey suit, turns you on,” He joked

“More like I really like you and want to kiss you a lot,” you whispered to yourself

What?” Peter asked

I said you suck, Parker,”

Peter rolled his eyes, and grabbed your hand, “Come on, theres something else I want to show you,”

You allowed Peter to lead you across the roof of the building. There was a small garden in the corner, with a bench next to it.

“Peter, this is so beautiful,”

You approached the garden and slowly let your hand fall out of Peter’s as you bent down to admire the flowers.

“I remember you telling me you love forget-me-not’s and lilies, so I planted some earlier this season and they finally bloomed, so I figured now would be the best time to show you this place,”

“Peter, how on earth do you not have a girlfriend? You’re actually the sweetest boy I know,” you smiled, leaning over to place a kiss on his cheek.

“Well actually, there is someone I like,”

“Oh really? And who might this special someone be?” You teased, walking around the garden to lean on the side of the roof.

“Well, they know my secret,” Peter said, holding up his mask, “they also are always crashing my house and distracting me from my homework,”

Peter started walking closer towards you.

“They also can never decide what movie to watch on movie nights. Not to mention that they distract me in class too. Not on purpose, mind you, but they’re so beautiful, I can’t help but stare at them,”

You smiled, you knew he was talking about you. As soon as he started talking, you knew.

“Tell me more, Peter Parker,”

Peter was now standing right in front of you, “Well, i’ve kinda had a thing for them for a few years now. I’m kinda actually in love with them,”

“Well, in that case, there’s something you should know Parker,”

“What’s that, Y/N?” 

“There this superhero I’m kind of in love with,”

“Please tell me its not Mr. Stark, that would just make this so awkward,”

“No, but have you seen Captain America’s ass? Damn,”

Peter rolled his eyes at you.

“I’m kidding. Kind of,” you said

“Y/N,-“ Peter started

“I love you too, Peter,” You said

“Don’t you mean I really like you and want to kiss you a lot,” Peter whispered

“You dID HEAR ME,”

“Of course I heard you,” Peter smiled.

“You suck, Parker,”

“Does this mean I can kiss you now?”

“I think I changed my mind. Do you have Captain America’s number? He seems like he wouldn’t be as mean to me,”

You stared at Peter while he bit back a smile.

“Yes Parker! Kiss me already,”

Peter put his hands on either side of your face, and gently pressed his lips up against yours. 

You pulled away, “You still suck Parker,”

“I think, now, it’ll be you that will be the one who sucks,”

“Oh mY GOD PARKER!” You laughed.

“Sorry, sorry, it had to be said,” he smiled.

“So Parker, are you going to take me back to your house so we can finish up that movie night, and maybe, maybe, if you’re lucky we can talk about that other thing you suggested,”

“I think by the time you even decide on a movie to watch, i’ll be asleep and it’ll be too late for anything else,” he joked

“Well it would be the perfect way to wake up, now wouldn’t it, Parker,”

“Damn, maybe I should wear this suit around you more often,”

“Believe me, its not the suit,”

“Well, then what are we waiting for?” Peter asked, putting his mask back on.

He wrapped his arm sound your waist and shot a web to another building. The two of you were flying over the city once again, but this time you kept your eyes open.

anonymous asked:

hey, it's your Samwell bake sales anon! can we get a nhl fundraiser follow-up? I mean, if you're so inspired.

original bake sale fic

“… well, I have to say, Mark, we always say that hockey can be a violent sport but this game is downright– good lord that check was brutal!”

“Yes, Zimmermann is looking to the ref for a call on that one. He’s not going to get it, but some heated words are being exchanged.”

“You know, I think Jack might actually get into a fight this game. He usually avoids it but–”

“It doesn’t really make any sense. The Aces and the Falcs are rivals, to be sure, after facing off in four Stanley Cup finals, but they usually keep it clean. There’s a lot of respect on both sides.”

“Not this game. I thought Zimms and Parse had buried the hatchet after some tense years early on playing against each other but this is vicious.”

“And Tater has just gone after Troy Swoops again. Or no, wait, Troy has gone after Tater. They’ve already fought once but a trip to the bin does not seem to have cooled them down at all.”

“This really isn’t making any sense. Lately, social media would have us believe that these two teams are quite close. Both have been at the forefront of LGBTQ issues and are huge donors to ‘You Can Play’ and– well, now Thirdy is shoving Ethan Vanderbu– Yup, it’s another fight.”

“Thirdy and Vander this time. For the folks just tuning in, this is the third fight between Falcs and Aces this game.”

“And it’s still the first period.”

“And it’s November.”

“No reason at all for this type of animosity.”

“Oh, no, it looks like this is turning into a bit of a brawl. Lots of things being said here. In fact– let’s cut down and see if any of our mics are picking up some of what’s going on. Diana, down to you.”

“Yes, William, so from what I understand, I think the root cause of these issues is something to do with… a fundraiser?”

“There was that NFL/You can Play fundraiser just last night. Both teams were in attendance. You’re saying that’s where the problem started?”

“I think so, Mark. During the first fight between Tater and Lux, I heard something about blueberries? And here, listen in on this:”

Goddamn, Parse, you’ve got to let this go.”

“I BID $15,000 DOLLARS, ZIMMERMANN! DON’T TELL ME TO LET THIS GO!”

“You didn’t have to pay it! It was a blind auction. You didn’t have to pay anything!”

“I DIDN’T GET ANY PIE, YOU ASSHOLE. I WOULD HAVE GLADLY PAID MORE! HOW COULD YOU HAVE POSSIBLY KNOWN TO BID OVER 20 THOUSAND DOLLARS??”

“Well, obviously, that’s how much the pie is worth, Kenny. I just bid a fair price!”

“YOU LIVE WITH HIM! YOU! FUCKING! LIVE! WITH! HIM!”

“Ah, well, let’s cut away from that shall we. Clearly, this fundraiser left some sore feelings on both sides of the teams. I– oh, yes this a brawl now. Tater and Swoops are back at it.”

“And Snowy has left his goal and– it’s a goalie fight.”

YOU KNOW I LIKE THE BLACKBERRY JAM MORE THAN YOU! I DESERVED–”

“Could you move away from the rink a bit, Diana, your mic is picking up–”

“Well, Mark, it looks like the ref is giving penalties to– everyone.”

“Yes. Everyone is going to the bin. Literally everyone on the ice.”

“It’s going to be a hell of a time fitting in there.”

“Well… this is a bit ridiculous. Entirely unprofessional really, wouldn’t you say?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I actually managed to snag a peach pie at yesterday’s fundraiser and let me just say it was literally the best thing I’ve ever put in my–”

“THAT WAS YOU!?!?”

*fight breaks out in announcer’s booth*

The One Where Everybody Finds Out

this took me about five hours appreciate this (based on the Friends episode obviously)


Hermione and Pansy were sitting at the bay window talking about unimportant things. The feud between the Gryffindor and Slytherin ceased to exist after the war and especially after the eighth years got stuck in one space together. This happened, of course, when they found there was not enough room for the eighth years in their respective common rooms (though Hermione always had the sneaking suspicion that Professor McGonagall just wanted more inter-house unity).

Their meaningless conversation suddenly stops when Hermione gets up to retrieve a book she left by the fireplace. Pansy stared out across the quidditch pitch where she noticed two boys get off their brooms. She immediately recognized them as Harry and Draco. “Hey, look it’s Harry and Draco.” She called out to Hermione. They were extremely close, but Pansy blamed that on the distance she was looking at them from. She saw Harry slither his arm around Draco and pull him closer so their chests were touching. “Ahh!” Pansy exclaimed at the action.

“What?” Hermione ran back, a worried expression settled on her face.

“Ahh! Harry and Draco! Harry and Draco!” She pointed in their direction where Harry had just looked around the field before snogging Draco vigorously. “Oh my eyes!” She looked away as if she just saw something purely revolting. “My eyes!”

Hermione attempted to calm her down by yelling over her. “No Pansy, it’s okay! It’s okay!”

“They’re kissing!” She yelled, still in a state of panic.

“I know! I know!” Hermione exclaimed, yelling louder so that Pansy would hear her.

“You know!” She yelled back, incredulously.

“Yes, I know! And Ron knows, but no one else does so you have to stop screaming!” Hermione recalled the day when she opened one of Harry’s letters by mistake. It was the most horrible thing she’d ever read in her life and she didn’t dare repeat those words to anyone. That is until Ron gave hints that he knew what was going on, so Hermione being Hermione, forced the truth out of her boyfriend and found out that he had caught them snogging in their shared dorm room a while back. Neither of them have spoken about the two boys being in a relationship since.

Just then Neville walked through the entrance to the empty common room. “Hey, what’s going on?” Both girls screamed in surprise, but Hermione turned it into joyus yelping while Pansy stood behind her with a look of shock still on her face.

Hermione jumped around Neville so that he had to turned and was no longer facing the window where, as Pansy looked back, the two boys were still trying to suck each others faces off. “Nothing! We’re just so happy that exams are over!”

Neville’s face softened now that he was assured that there was no danger present. “Yeah, we’re all pretty hap-” But as he turned to meet Pansy, she mimicked the jumpy excitement of Hermione so that he was, again, facing away from the window.

Both girls were jumping up and down and yelping in excitement until they were sure their friends had finished their make out session. They stopped abruptly and were thankful that no one else walked into the common room while they were in that state of chaos. The girls sat back down at the bay window, which left a confused Neville standing in the middle of the room.

Once they common room was empty again, Pansy launched into questions about the couple. “So you mean all those times that Draco and Harry said they were studying or when Draco said he was owling a friend from Beauxbatons?”

Hermione nodded and sipped the tea that she conjured for the both of them. “Yup. Doing it and writing dirty letters to each other.” Hermione shuddered at the thought of the letter she read that led to her discovery of their relationship.

“I can’t believe it!” She exclaimed for what seemed the thousandth time today. “I think it’s great… for Harry.” She took a sip of her tea. “Draco might be able to do better.” Pansy stated honestly. They heard the common room door opened and whipped their heads around only to see Ron walk in. They both let out breaths of relief as Hermione called him over.

“Guess what? Pansy just found out about Draco and Harry.”

Ron’s eyes widened. “You mean how they’re friends and nothing more?” His voice was laced with panic.

Hermione paused of a moment while she drew in a breath. Sometimes she found Ron’s slowness on the uptake endearing, however sometimes it tested her patience. “No, Ron she knows. They were on the Quidditch pitch and she saw them snogging through the window.”

Ron’s face relaxed, which told Hermione that he understood the situation.

“Okay wait,” Pansy interrupted. “So they know that you know,” She pointed at Ron. “but they don’t know that Hermione knows?”

He looked confused by the phrasing of the question and had to think for a moment before answering. “Yes, but none of that matters now. Now enough of us know that we could just tell them that we know, and all the lying and the secrets will finally be over!” He said happily.

Pansy interrupted again, this time a smirk playing on her lips. “Or we could not tell them and have a little fun of our own.” Hermione scrunched up her face in confusion and Ron’s face fell into a deep frown. “You know, every time they say they’re going to study you could give them some of your favourite books to read so you’ll have someone to discuss it with.”

Hermione’s face lit up. “Oh! I would enjoy that!”

“No, wait wait, you know what would be even more fun?” Ron asked with mock interest. “Telling them.” He switched his tone to a serious one.

Hermione considered this for a moment. “Yeah, no. I wanna do Pansy’s thing.”

Ron started to protest, but Pansy spoke up. “You don’t have to do anything. Just don’t tell them that we know.”

“No!” Ron yelled desperately. “I can’t take anymore secrets! I got your secrets. I got their secrets. I got secrets of my own, you know.”

Hermione rolled her eyes. “You don’t have any secrets.”

“Oh yeah?” Ron straightened up, looking offended. “Well, you don’t know about Marvin, my secret sweets stash.” He looked satisfied for only a seconded until the realization hit him and his face glowed as red as his hair.

Pansy and Hermione stared at him, weird looks on both their faces. Hermione turned back to face Pansy and cleared her throat. “So… How- how are we gonna mess with them.”

“Well, you would use your position as the best friend obviously.” They heard Ron gasp in protest, Pansy ignored him and went on. “And I would use the strongest tool at my disposal, my charming good looks and elegance.” Hermione nodded her head in agreement. Ron looked like he had given up all hope.

“Hello, children.” Harry greeted as he waltzed up to them. Hermione gave Ron a wary look. They two girls greeted him back cheerfully while Ron did so in a more morose way.

Keep reading

For “Humans are weird”

(Remember, please, English is not my first language)


The Captain of the ship looks at the few humans who showed up to his announcement (he needs to hire humans, every other Captain says it’s necessary!). So he looks at them and, well, they look like every other human.

But.

There’s a but.

He and his crew have a dangerous mission to face. The Captain doesn’t want normal humans. He wants the very best.

“You,” he calls the first one. She introduces herself as “Francesca”.

“Human Francesca,” the Captain says, “I heard a lot about your world and your… Kind.”

“Yes, sir?”

“I need you to call some of your people, I want to hire them. I have their names.”

“Sure thing, sir. You found them on a list or…”

“Beeks.”

“Beeks, sir?” Francesca asks, frowning.

“Yes, Human Francesca, be-oh wait. Books.”

“Books, sir? As in… A guide?”

“No, they were history books. And video sources. So, can you contact the humans I want or not?!” he becomes impatient.

“I’ll do my best, sir.”

“Good. The names are: mr. Harry Potter - I read his story, I want the Chosen One for this mission!”

“Oh,” Francesca finally understands. “Sir-”

“Don’t interrupt me. Eragon and his Saphira, I want them too. I can pay them a lot. I also heard about a man, a scientist, very smart, who can turn into an incredible, green…”

“Hulk?” Francesca mutters.

“Yes!” the Captain nods. “You know about him too.”

“Well…”

“I’m not done. There’s a girl, they call her “banshee”? Red hair, from a place called America. She’s in another crew at the moment, I think… A “pack”. I don’t know the name, but I’m sure you’ll find her. And a man who can move metal. He’d be very useful, they call him “Magneto”.”

Francesca doesn’t know if she’s going to laugh or to cry in frustration (no alien will ever believe her if she tells them those people don’t exist).

“And Stormborn.”

“Who?”

“Mother of dragons. Find her. I want her in my crew.”

Francesca is going to need a pizza and a beer to chill, after this.

“And the last two are men. I heard the first has fought alone and won against a lot of enemies. I need someone like him. His name is Rambo.”

“Of course,” Francesca murmurs. It’s going to be an awful conversation.

“The last one is probably the most important of the entire group. Everyone says he’s the greatest human who ever lived. He moved Earth with a kick!”

Francesca doesn’t want to listen to this anymore. “Sir? Listen, sir, it-”

“This human is called…”

Basta, per favore. Sir! Those people…”

“Chuck Norris. Bring me Chuck Norris.”

Francesca shuts up… And nods.

She’ll have to change ship, there’s no other way.