not that it is a bad song necessarily

2

Producer Jeff Bhasker faced a daunting task several months ago. After having worked with Kanye West and winning Grammy Awards for producing Mark Ronson’s “Uptown Funk,” and Fun.’s 2012 album “Some Nights,” he had to decide whether to take on a new project: the debut solo album of One Direction member Harry Styles.

“I’d just had a baby, and I was kind of like, ‘Eh, I don’t know if I’ll jump into this,‘” Bhasker tells Variety. He agreed to have Styles come over to “just talk,” and proceeded to put him through the Bhasker home sniff test. “My dog tends to bite people, and he was kind of scoping Harry out,” Bhasker explains. Styles “did this move — like a little shoot the gun with his finger, and my dog walked over and started licking his finger. That’s when I was, like, ‘This guy has something special.'”

Once music came into the mix, Bhasker was sold. “He started playing references of what he wanted to do, which sounded like a cool rock band. I got it, and could see where if we pulled this off, it would be one of the coolest things ever. But he needed a buddy who plays guitar like he’s Keith Richards.” The insinuation being: Styles is the Mick Jagger in this scenario.

Adds Bhasker: “I’m so proud of the album itself, and also of Harry for being so brave, and committing 100%, and writing the kind of vulnerable lyrics that he wrote, and not pandering to what people thought he would do. People have no idea that this is what Harry Styles is like. Just like I didn’t know. He’s obviously very famous and beloved, but people don’t know the depths of what an amazing personality and artist he is.”

Variety spoke with Bhasker about the recording of “Harry Styles” ahead of the album’s May 12 release: 

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some personal ideas about what keith does while living in his desert shack:

  • he learns to play the badly tuned guitar with five strings that he found laying around. (he makes up his own chords, but still manages to play things that are at least a little bearable.)
  • when there’s too much on his mind he runs laps outside, often barefooted
  • we know he messes around on his speeder, but i desperately want keith to love getting adrenaline highs from doing shitty parkour around the more rocky areas of the desert. lance finds out about this later on and nearly coughs up a lung
  • he names every object in the shack, and they all have different personalities. cyril is the shitty chair that creaks every time you sit on it, the sheer white curtain is called gavin, and beau is the couch that he vents to. he likes to think she’s always listening
  • the asshole probably draws his fursona at some point for a laugh, but then slowly realises it’s was actually pretty fun and ends up with a detailed twelve page summary for it
  • i still don’t know what time period voltron is in, but keith would definitely ride around on his speeder at sunset with this song playing inside his head, like the way we look out the car window with music on, imagining that we’re in a film. he just likes to feel a little dramatic every now and again.
  • yoga!!! i feel like keith would definitely do yoga as a way to calm himself, especially after a bad day or when he’s overstimulated.
  • he listens to music on the old cd players there. there isn’t much, mostly guitar heavy songs like this. he doesn’t dance or sing often, because he likes to devote his full attention to something, as he isn’t fond of multitasking. instead, he sits on the couch with his legs crossed and eyes closed, and sways side to side just listening to the music.
  • sometimes at night he’ll climb onto the roof of the shack and look up at the stars. not necessarily looking at constellations and such, but trying to understand why he feels such a pull to them. he wonders if his path will take him there in time, or if he’ll spend forever just staring up at them and dreaming about what’s waiting for him amongst them. it hurts him sometimes, but it’s much easier to be alone when there are billions of stars watching over you.
2

Quotes and excerpts from Dylan’s journal:

“I was delusional and thought she waved at me the last day of school. Oh well … my emotions are gone. So much past pain at once, my senses are numbed. The beauty of being numb.”

“I’d rather have nothing than be nothing." 

"I want to be free." 

"Farther and farther distant… that’s what’s happening… me & everything that zombies consider dear… just images, not life. Soon I will be at peace I hope…”

“I’ve always had a thing for the past - how it reacts to the present & the future - or rather vice versa. I wonder how/when i got so fucked up…”

“Sadness seems infinite, & the shell of happiness shines around. Yet the true despair overcomes it this lifetime.”

“The pain multiplies infinitely. never stops. Yet im here, STILL alone, still in pain.”

“The framework of society stands above & below me. The hardest thing to destroy, yet the weakest thing that exists. I know that i am different, yet i am afraid to tell the society. The possible abandonment, persecution is not something I want to face, yet it is so primitive to me. I guess being yourself means letting people know about inner thoughts too, not just opinions & fashions. (Heheh) I will be free one day, in the land of purity & my happiness, I will have a love, someone who is me in a way. Someday… Possibly thru this life, maybe another, but it will happen… ”

“Love is more valuable than anything I know. To love is to enter a completion of one’s self. I hate those who choose to destroy a love, who take it for granted. love is greater than life even. As i look for love, i feel i can’t find it. ever. but something tells me i will. Someday. Somewhere. As my love will find me. She feels as i do right now, i can feel it. we will be inseperable. Her & i. Whether it is [edited] or not, i think ill find it. (my love). we will be free, to explore the vast wonders of the stars. To cascade down everlong waterfalls, & thru the warmest seas of pure happiness… no limits… no limits. Nothing will stop us.”

“Nobody will help me.”

“I wonder if ill ever have a love.”

“Being made human
Without the possibility of BEING human
The cruelest of all punishments.”

“These moments will be lost in the depressions & caverns of the human books forever like, tears in rain, but the thoughts will be eternal. To explain the happiness is impossible even for fate. It’s just a pure halcyon set to last more existences than a conceivable number.”

“Existence is a great hall, life is one of the rooms, death is passing thru the doors, & the ever existent compulsion of everything is the curiosity to keep moving down the hall, thru the doors, exploring rooms, down this never-ending hall.”

“Existence is pure hell & pure heaven at the same time. I will never stop wondering. The lost highway will never end.”

“Time to die, time to be free, time to love.”

“The zombies will never cause us pain anymore.”

“Fact: People are so unaware. … well, Ignorance is bliss I guess…. that would explain my depression.”

“I was Mr. Cutter tonight - I have 11 depressioners on my right hand now.”

“oooh god i want to die sooo bad… such a sad, desolate, lonely, unsalvageable i feel i am….. not fair, NOT FAIR!!!! I wanted happiness!! I never got it…”

“I think a lot. Think … think … that’s all my life is, just shitloads of thinking … all the time … my mind never stops… music runs 24/7 (except for sleep), just songs I hear, not necessarily good or bad, & thinking…" 

”My existence is shit to me – how I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities. Yet these realities are fake – artificial, induced [?] by thought, how everything connects, yet its all so far apart…. & I sit & think…"

“I don’t fit in I’ve been thinking of suicide gives no hope, that I’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life … that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe – my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE in me – my soul (existence)." 

”Goodbye, sorry to everyone… I just can’t take it … all the thoughts … too many … make my head twist… I must have happiness, love, peace. Goodbye"

“some zombies are smarter than others, some manipulate… like my parents.”

“It’s interesting, when I’m in my human form, knowing I’m going to die. Everything has a touch of triviality to it. Like how none of this calculus shit matters. The way it shouldn’t. the truth. In 26.4 hours, I’ll be dead, & in happiness. The little zombie human fags will know their errors, & be forever suffering and mournful”

10

Dylan’s journal

1: Fact: People are so unaware…. well, ignorance is bliss I guess…. that would explain my depression. - Dylan
A Virtual Book
EXISTENCES
By: Dylan
Properties: This book cannot be opened by anyone except Dylan (some supernatural force blocks common people from entering).
<<-VoDkA->>
<<-Dylan->> 
2: The 4 stages from within: most, few, some, none
Me is place outside all the boxes. 
3: El Thoughtzos
Ah yes, this is me writing … just writing, nobody technically did anything, just I felt like throwing out my thoughts - this is a weird time, weird life, weird existence. As I sit here (partially drunk with a screwdriver) I think a lot. Think … think … that’s all my life is, just shitloads of thinking … all the time … my mind never stops … music runs 24/7 (except for sleep), just songs I hear, not necessarily good or bad, & thinking … about the asshole - in gym class, how he worries me, about driving, & my family, about friends & doings with them, about girls I know (mainly - & -) how I know I can never have them, yet I can still dream … I do shit to supposedly ‘cleanse’ myself in a spiritual, moral sort of way (deleting the wads on my computer, not getting drunk for periods of time, trying not to ridicule/make fun of people (-) at school), yet it does nothing to help my life morally. My existence is shit to me - how I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities. Yet these realities are fake - artificial, induced (?) by thought, how everything connects, yet it’s all so far apart … & I sit & think … science is the way to find solutions to everything, right? I still think that, yet I see different views of shit now - like the mind - yet if the mind is viewed scientifically … hmm
I dwell in the past … thinking of good & bad memories. 
4: A lot on the past though … I’ve always had a thing for the past - how it reacts to the present & the future - or rather vice versa. I wonder how/when I got so fucked up w my mind, existence, problem - when Dylan Bennet Klebold got covered up by this entity containing Dylan’s body … as I see the people at school - some good, some bad - I see how different I am (aren’t we all you’ll say) yet I’m on such a greater scale of difference than everyone else (as far as I know, or guess). I see jocks having fun, friends, women, LIVEZ. 
Or rather shallow existences compared to mine (maybe) like ignorance = bliss. They don’t know beyond this world (how I do in my mind or in reality or in this existence) yet we each are lacking something that the other possesses - I lack the true human nature that Dylan owned & they lack the overdeveloped mind/imagination/knowledge tool. I don’t fit in here thinking of suicide gives me hope, that I’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life … that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe - my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE in me - my soul (existence). & the routine is still monotonous, go to school, be scared & nervous, hoping that people can accept me … that I can accept them … the NIN (Nine Inch Nails) song Piggy is good for thought writing … The Lost Highway sounds like a movie about me … I’m gonna write later, bye   <<-VoDkA->>
5: Da ThoughtZ Jeah
Well well, back at it, yes (you say) whoever the fuck ‘you’ is, but yea. My life is still fucked, in case you care … maybe, … (not?) I have just lost fuckin 45$, & before that I lost my zippo & knife (I did get those back) Why the fuck is he being such an ASSHOLE??? (god I guess, whoever is the being which controls shit). He’s fucking me over big time & it pisses me off. Oooh god I HATE my life, I want to die really bad right now - let’s see what I have that’s good: A nice family, a good house, food, a couple of good friends, & possessions. What’s bad - no girls (friends or girlfriends), no other friends except a few, nobody accepting me even though I want to be accepted, me doing badly & being intimidated in any & all sports, me looking weird & acting shy - BIG problem, me getting bad grades, having no ambition of life, that’s the big shit. Anyway … I was Mr. Cutter tonight - I have 11 depressioners on my right hand now, & my favorite contrasting symbol, because it is so true & means so much. The battle between good & bad never ends … OK enough bitchin … well I’m not done yet. OK go … I don’t know  why I do wrong with people (mainly women) - it’s like they are set out to hate & ignore me, I never know what to say or do. - is soo fuckin lucky he has no idea how I suffer. 
6: Okay here’s some poetry … this is a display of one man in search of answers, never finding them, yet in hopelessness understands things …
Existence … what a strange word. He set out by determination & curiosity, knows no existence, knows nothing relevant to himself. The pretty declarations of others & everything on this world, in this world, he knows the answers to. Yet they have no purpose to him. He seeks knowledge of the unthinkable, of the undefinable, of the unknown. He explores the everything … using his mind, the most powerful tool known to him. Not a physical barrier blocking the limits of exploration, time thru thought thru dimensions … the everything is his realm. Yet, the more he thinks, hoping to find answers to his questions, the more come up. Amazingly, the petty things mean much to him at this time, how he wants to be normal, not this transceiver of the everything. Then occurring to him, the answer. How everything is connected yet separate. By experiencing the petty others actions, reactions, emotions, doings and thoughts, he gets a mental picture of what, in his mind, is a cycle. Existence is a great hall, life is one of the rooms, death is passing thru the doors, & the ever existent compulsion of everything is the curiosity to keep moving down the hall, thru the doors, exploring rooms, down this never-ending hall. Questions make answers, answers conceive questions, and at long last he is content. TTYL  <<-VoDkA->>
7: Thoughtz                                                                                                          Yo … whassup … heheheheh … know what’s weird? Everyone knows everyone. I swear - like I’m an outcast, & everyone is conspiring against me … Check it … (this isn’t good, but I need to write, so here ….                                             Within the known limits of time … within the conceived boundaries of space … the average human thinks those are the settings of existence … yet the ponderer, the outcast, the believer, helps out the human. “Think not of 2 dimensions”, says the ponderer, “but of 3, as your world is conceived of 3 dimensions, so is mine. While you explore the immediate physical boundaries of your body, you see in your 3 dimensions - L, W, & H, yet I, who is more mentally open to anything, see my 3 dimensions. My realm of thought - Time, Space, & THOUGHT. Thought is the most powerful thing that exists - anything conceivable can be produced, anything & everything is possible, even in your physical world.” After this so called “lecture” the common man feels confused, empty, & unaware. Yet those are the best emotions of a ponderer. The real difference is, a true ponderer will explore these emotions & what caused them. Another … a dream.                                                                                         Miles & miles of never ending grass, like a wheat. A farm, sunshine, a happy feeling in the presence, Absolutely nothing wrong, nothing ever is, contrary 180 (degrees) to normal life. No awareness, just pure bliss, unexplainable bliss, The only challenges are no challenge, & then … BAM!!! realization sets in, the world is the greatest punishment. Life.                                                            8: Hypnosis place - It is a sky - with one large cloud, & sort of cloud-made chair - the sun is at the head of the chair … 10 o’clock up into the sky … Below, I sometimes see mist, & the green (forest green) earth - sorta a city, yet I hear nothing. I relax on this chair - actually like a chaise - & I am talking … to what? I don’t know - it’s just there, I have the feeling that I know him, even though I consciously don’t … & we talk like we are the same person - like he’s my soul … The everlasting contrast …                                                                              Dark. Light. God. Lucifer. Heaven. Hell. GOOD. BAD. Yes, the everlasting-contrast. Since existence has known the ‘fight’ between good & evil has continued. Obviously, this fight can never end. Good things turn bad, bad things become good, the ‘people’ on the earth see it as a battle they can win. HA fuckin morons. If people looked at History, they would see what happens. I think, too much, I understand, I am GOD compared to some of those un-existable brainless zombies. Yet, the actions of them interest me, like a kid with a new toy. Another contrast, more of a paradox, actually, like the advanced go for the undevelopeds realm, while some of the morons become everything dwellers - but exceptions to every rule, & this is a BIG exception - most morons never change, they never decide to live in the ‘everything’ frame of mind!              Laterz           <<-VoDkA->>                                                                                   9: <<-VoDkA->>’s Thoughts                                                                                   The - Situation                                                                                                             It is not good for me right now (like it ever is) … but anyway … My best friend ever: the friend who shared, experimented, laughed, took chances with & appreciated me more than any friend ever did has been ordained … “passed on” … in my book. Ever since - (who I wouldn’t mind killing) has loved him … that’s the only place he’s been with her … if anyone had any idea how sad I am … I mean we were the TEAM. When him & I first were friends, well I finally found someone who was like me: who appreciated me & shared very common interests. Ever since 7th grade, I’ve felt lonely … when - came around, I finally felt happiness (sometimes) we did cigars, drinking, sabotage to houses, EVERYTHING for the first time together & now that he’s “moved on” I feel so lonely, without a friend. Oh well, maybe he’ll come around -> … I hope.               That’s all - for this topic - maybe I’ll never see this again. (-> ô=-   -=ô)                 <<-VoDkA->>                                                                                                                10: My 1st Love????                                                                                               OH my God … I am almost sure I am in love … with -. Hehehe … such a strange name, like mine … yet everything about her I love. From her good body to her almost perfect face, her charm, her wit & cunning, her NOT being popular. Her friends (who I know) - some - I just hope she likes me as much as I LOVE her. I think of her every second of every day. I want to be with her. I imagine me & her doing things together, the sound of her laugh, I picture her face, I love her. If - soulmates exist, then I think I’ve found mine. I hope she likes Techno … :-)             -, I love you                                                                                                             - Dylan

My Best Friend’s Wedding Part Five

Originally posted by stuckybarnesrogers

PART FOUR: http://imaginingbucky.tumblr.com/post/154522794564/my-best-friends-wedding-part-four 

You were twelve years old when you got your first kiss. All of your friends had gotten kissed already making you the last one in the group who hadn’t. It stressed you out a lot more than it should’ve at your age. You wanted your first kiss to be special and magical like it was written about in all those sappy teen magazines. 

Since your first kiss, you had gotten kissed more and by different types of guys. There were the typical sweet kisses, the sloppy ones that made you feel nauseous just thinking about it and countless others. 

Bucky’s kiss was….. different. His lips were soft and the kiss itself was passionate without being sloppy. You were surprised at how much you enjoyed it. It didn’t seem forced or awkward. It was like the two of you had kissed thousands of times before. 

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Playlist: Left Eye

Left Eye died 15 years ago and I wanted to collect all of my favorite verses from her in one playlist.

I might be in the minority, but I’m a much bigger fan of Left Eye earlier in her career.  The longer she was in the game, the lower her voice got and the more philosophical her rhymes became to the point where, honestly, some of her most classic rhymes I still be like “…what?”  I don’t she was getting the respect she deserved as a lyricist because she was cute, in a group, and sounded like a little girl.  The other women in rap were a lot harder than she was and instead of staying true to what I thought made her unique, she changed her style to meet theirs and it wasn’t quite as successful, to me anyway.

I put these songs in chronological order, but I wanted to put this video for “Freedom” (1995) at the top because you can really see how unique she was alongside other Queens of Rap at the time.  "Freedom" was the theme from Panther and the original R&B version featured artists like Monica, Vanessa Williams, TLC, En Vogue, SWV, etc.  An alternative Rap Version was produced and shot as well featuring Queen Latifah, Yo-Yo, Patra, MC Lyte, Me'Shell Ndegeocello, Salt N Pepa and another artist I don’t recognize.  Unfortunately it’s not on Spotify so I can’t add it to my playlist, but you should find it and download it.  It’s one of my favorite moments in Left Eye’s discography.

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Dylan Quotes

“I wanted happiness, I never got it”

“I am purity. Darkness. Romanticism. Professionalism. Existence. Complacence. Power. Pain. Everything is black. I am everything. “

“No emotions. Not caring. Yet another stage in this shit life. Suicide…”

“Goodbye, sorry to everyone… I just can’t take it… all the thoughts… too many… make my head twist.. i must have happiness, love, peace. Goodbye.”

“I hate those who choose to destroy a love, who take it for granted.”

“I’d rather have nothing than be nothing.”

“Existence…what a strange word.”

“The battle between good and bad never ends.”

“If it was true that you loved me as I do you, I would find a way to survive. Anything to be with you. I would enjoy life knowing that you loved me.”

“I don’t fit in here and thinking of suicide gives me hope, that i’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life… that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe-my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE in me-my soul [existence]”

“All people I ever might have loved have abandoned me”

“I wonder if I’ll ever have a love”

“Being made human without the possibility of BEING human. The cruelest of all punishments.”

“The true existence lives in solitude, always aware, always infinite, always, looking, for, his love.”

“Nobody will help me”

“Hey mum. Gotta go. It’s about a half an hour before our little judgement day. I just wanted to apologize to you guys for any crap this might instigate as far as [inaudible] or something. Just know I’m going to a better place. I didn’t like life too much and I know I’ll be happy wherever the fuck I go. So I’m gone. Goodbye.”

“NBK will be the ultimate revenge, to our shitlists, the pigs, everyone! We’ll fuckin ‘take care of business’ to be sure, So Indigo, as we near the day of fate … AAAA FUCKIT! Just let it come. They will know when gods get pissed of … the little pussies will feel the shotgun shells & the bullets. Just like that little piglet at community service. They need to die sooo bad. Now they will”

“I was delusional and thought she waved at me the last day of school. Oh well … my emotions are gone. So much past pain at once, my senses are numbed. The beauty of being numb.”

“I want to be free.”

“Farther and farther distant… that’s what’s happening… me & everything that zombies consider dear… just images, not life. Soon I will be at peace I hope…”

“I’ve always had a thing for the past - how it reacts to the present & the future - or rather vice versa. I wonder how/when i got so fucked up…”

“Sadness seems infinite, & the shell of happiness shines around. Yet the true despair overcomes it this lifetime.”

“The pain multiplies infinitely. never stops. Yet im here, STILL alone, still in pain.”

“The framework of society stands above & below me. The hardest thing to destroy, yet the weakest thing that exists. I know that i am different, yet i am afraid to tell the society. The possible abandonment, persecution is not something I want to face, yet it is so primitive to me. I guess being yourself means letting people know about inner thoughts too, not just opinions & fashions. (Heheh) I will be free one day, in the land of purity & my happiness, I will have a love, someone who is me in a way. Someday… Possibly thru this life, maybe another, but it will happen… ”

“Love is more valuable than anything I know. To love is to enter a completion of one’s self. I hate those who choose to destroy a love, who take it for granted. love is greater than life even. As i look for love, i feel i can’t find it. ever. but something tells me i will. Someday. Somewhere. As my love will find me. She feels as i do right now, i can feel it. we will be inseperable. Her & i. Whether it is [edited] or not, i think ill find it. (my love). we will be free, to explore the vast wonders of the stars. To cascade down everlong waterfalls, & thru the warmest seas of pure happiness… no limits… no limits. Nothing will stop us.”

“These moments will be lost in the depressions & caverns of the human books forever like, tears in rain, but the thoughts will be eternal. To explain the happiness is impossible even for fate. It’s just a pure halcyon set to last more existences than a conceivable number.”

“Existence is a great hall, life is one of the rooms, death is passing thru the doors, & the ever existent compulsion of everything is the curiosity to keep moving down the hall, thru the doors, exploring rooms, down this never-ending hall.”

“Existence is pure hell & pure heaven at the same time. I will never stop wondering. The lost highway will never end.”

“Time to die, time to be free, time to love.”

“The zombies will never cause us pain anymore.”

“Fact: People are so unaware. … well, Ignorance is bliss I guess…. that would explain my depression.”

“I was Mr. Cutter tonight - I have 11 depressioners on my right hand now.”

“oooh god i want to die sooo bad… such a sad, desolate, lonely, unsalvageable i feel i am….. not fair, NOT FAIR!!!! I wanted happiness!! I never got it…”

“I think a lot. Think … think … that’s all my life is, just shitloads of thinking … all the time … my mind never stops… music runs 24/7 (except for sleep), just songs I hear, not necessarily good or bad, & thinking…” 

”My existence is shit to me – how I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities. Yet these realities are fake – artificial, induced [?] by thought, how everything connects, yet its all so far apart…. & I sit & think…"

“some zombies are smarter than others, some manipulate… like my parents.”

“It’s interesting, when I’m in my human form, knowing I’m going to die. Everything has a touch of triviality to it. Like how none of this calculus shit matters. The way it shouldn’t. the truth. In 26.4 hours, I’ll be dead, & in happiness. The little zombie human fags will know their errors, & be forever suffering and mournful”

Awareness signs the warrant for suffering.

“I’m forever sorry, infinitely, about the pornos. My humanity has a foot fetish & bondage extreme liking. I try to thwart it sometimes to no effect. Yet the masturbation has stopped.”  

“Love is more valuable than anything I know. To love is to enter a completion of one’s self. I hate those who choose to destroy a love.”

“My wrath for January’s incident will be…godlike”

variety.com
In Harry Styles’ World, Led Zeppelin Is Weird, Bukowski Is Cool: Inside the Album With Producer Jeff Bhasker (EXCLUSIVE)
“Maybe we’ll bring fathers and daughters together.”
By Shirley Halperin

Producer Jeff Bhasker faced a daunting task several months ago. After having worked with Kanye West and winning Grammy Awards for producing Mark Ronson’s “Uptown Funk,” and Fun.’s 2012 album “Some Nights,” he had to decide whether to take on a new project: the debut solo album of One Direction member Harry Styles.

“I’d just had a baby, and I was kind of like, ‘Eh, I don’t know if I’ll jump into this,‘” Bhasker tells Variety. He agreed to have Styles come over to “just talk,” and proceeded to put him through the Bhasker home sniff test. “My dog tends to bite people, and he was kind of scoping Harry out,” Bhasker explains. Styles “did this move — like a little shoot the gun with his finger, and my dog walked over and started licking his finger. That’s when I was, like, ‘This guy has something special.'”

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anonymous asked:

Hi Natalie! Since you are the guru of playlists and a lovely person and writer, would you mind writing a "review" of sorts or just jotting down your thoughts about the songs on the HS album? I'd love to know what you think when you're listening to the songs, what songs it reminds you of, favorite lyric bits or sounds etc. Of course if you don't want to write it or prefer to keep it private that's perfectly fine! Just thought I would ask since you're so articulate and musically sage. Thanks!

Hey there! So you asked and this got disgustingly out of hand. I refrained from comparing it to other songs, however, because I made this playlist when the album first came out with songs that reminded me of songs from Harry Styles and it gets kind of tedious in reviews to keep comparing things over and over again, I find!! Anyway, here’s an essay of thoughts on Harry Styles I apologize in advance for the length and for getting a bit loopy at end.

Keep reading

You know it’s interesting to think back to all the interviews Harry’s done over the passed couple of weeks.. He kept insisting that he doesn’t like to tell people what songs are about and leaves them open to everyone’s interpretation as everyone experiences songs and lyrics differently. He was pretty adamant to get that across. And now that we’re starting to see some of these lyrics, I feel like that was almost a warning? Perhaps a sort of message to tell us “these lyrics aren’t necessarily my truth, but could be for someone else” if that makes any sense. Just because he’s singing certain lyrics doesn’t mean they really mean something to him.

I’m really bad at explaining things!!! but i just randomly noticed this lol do I make any sense????

No offense but the past two anco records have hugely been like. Avey Tare projects and that’s why they’re so polarizing not necessarily bad just like. We know what he does.. let Noah sing a damn pop song .. you’re in your LATE 30s stop shouting

anonymous asked:

As an ENTP, I hardly study. But I've developed the bad habit of not listening at all in class so it means I have to study at home. I haven't actually studied (I usually just read my notes over once) ever. Any advice on how I can study? Since I have no skills other than memorizing things lol.

I literally have to mix it up every time. And I refuse to memorize. God I hate it. It’s part of the reason I picked engineering, I can make up math and answers on the spot. With memorizing its either you know it or you don’t. I’m… too stubborn to do it. Buuut, I am in my last semester of chemical engineering, so I do in fact have to study. (I don’t study as much as other people but small steps) Here are some tactics that I use to squish a bunch of info into my brain. 

  • Put the notes into a song
    • The more effort you take to make your notes rhyme, they more you remember it!
    • Bonus points for only using the tunes from Britney Spears songs. 
  • Study with a partner
    • With a good partner. Not a bad partner. But go over questions and answers, throw them out there, answer quickly, if you don’t know the answer figure it out and discuss it until it makes sense. And then go through the questions again. This can be fun, efficient, and kind of draining tbh. 
  • Make a bunch of flash cards a bunch of times
    • Maybe 2 or 3 times… More than once. If you do this, you don’t necessarily need to actually review the cards. I hate reviewing.
  • Write out cheat sheets to consolidate your notes into more general ideas
    • If you understand your notes enough to be able to discuss it in terms of big ideas with the little details for extra support then you’ve got it.
  • Borrow a hot person’s book 
    • ENTPs are people pleasers, and we generally want to impress the people we like. Your efficiency may increase tenfold with a hottie’s book. (I know mine does)
  • Record yourself reading your notes 
    • It’s a good way to a review. A bit ancient. But effective in the slow not-really-actually-effective way. 
  • Do light exercise while you study
    • Healthy people do better on tests!
  • Sleep
    • Yeah, so if you’re not being productive, just give up and go to sleep or something. Also sleeping is healthy :p. 

Here’s my bad advice! Good luck!

'American Gods' bosses answer burning questions from episode 2

This week on American Gods, a spider doomed a ship full of enslaved people, I Love Lucy seized control of a department store, and an old Russian executioner played the world’s highest-stakes game of checkers.

Episode 2 of the new Starz series finds Shadow and Wednesday making their first official pit stop in Chicago to try to recruit a Slavic strongman—the fierce god Czernobog, played by Peter Stormare—to their cause. Before their arrival, Shadow is propositioned yet again to abandon his employer in favor of joining the new gods, an offer extended by Gillian Anderson’s seductive goddess Media, who takes the form of Lucille Ball.

In this week’s exclusive postmortem, showrunners Bryan Fuller and Michael Green go inside the spectacular introductions of the newest characters in the American Gods ensemble.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: The episode’s title, “The Secret of Spoons,” is a lyric we hear in Czernobog’s song during checkers. What does it mean?
MICHAEL GREEN: We wanted to make that last scene where they play checkers as rich and cinematic as possible, and we had this idea that he might sing while doing it. We thought a lot about where they came from and what the type of music was—these sort of atonal, off-tempo folk songs—and the idea of immigrants and what you choose to bring with you in your small beliefs. A personal story: We were in the middle of writing this when I woke up one morning and was thinking about it while making coffee. I have this sugar bowl and spoon from my favorite aunt who passed away a few years ago, and before she died, I told her son, kind of jokingly but not, that if she ever passed away, I wanted to remember her by the sugar bowl and spoon. And sure enough, he sent it to me. It had been with her for decades and was given to her when she was a child, and when you went to her house, she made you coffee and would use these spoons. So, these things just sort of go down in history in a family. And then we showed [music supervisor] Brian Reitzell the lyrics that we were interested in and said, “Can you write us a song?” And he wrote us this tune that we had stuck in our head for weeks after. It was so charming and small, yet timeless, and regionally correct, and quite beautiful.

RELATED: American Gods: Inside the Episode “The Secret of Spoons”

Czernobog is a character who doesn’t have a lot of references in American pop culture. Peter Stormare said something interesting: Czernobog is the Slavic Thor? Is that true?
BRYAN FULLER: Well, he’s not necessarily Thor.
GREEN: He’s not in the same pantheon.
FULLER: He’s probably closer to Loki than Thor, because he’s a god of evil and darkness and bad things, and his brother is the god of light and good, so they’re in slightly different pantheons of religious specificity, but I will nod along and smile to whatever Peter Stormare has to say. He came onstage with such ownership of the character and intense likability as himself and as Czernobog that he quickly infected the entire crew with mirth. He stomped onto the stage chanting, “Czer-no-bog! Czer-no-bog! Czer-no-bog!” And he had a Hello Kitty backpack slung over one shoulder and was this strange hybridization of Czernobog and Peter Stormare that you can’t get enough of. If we get a season 2 order, we’re going to try to scoop him up for as much of it as we possibly can because he’s a goddamn delight.
GREEN: For someone so frightening, he really is a leavening agent. I was actually just looking at a video of him from the first time he was in full costume, stomping through our offices in Toronto. It was equally creepy and hilarious because he looks like a serial killer, but he’s got the heart of a Hello Kitty fan. And that was not his first Hello Kitty backpack.

Czernobog refers to his history with Wednesday, saying, “You brought that madness into my life once. Never again.” What do you know of that history?
FULLER: It was a moment where we both looked at each other and said, “We’ve got to unpack that in season 2.”

Is there a world where we could see his brother, Bielebog, released from the stars?
FULLER: We’ve discussed seeing the brother, and there have been interesting conversations about the Jekyll and Hyde relationship between the two brothers that we’re looking forward to exploring.

There’s a passiveness to Wednesday in this scene that I wonder about. If you compare it to Shadow’s fight with Mad Sweeney, that was a very overtly planned test of Shadow’s strength. Does Wednesday anticipate the same results of the Czernobog visit, or did it veer off course with the bet on Shadow’s life?
GREEN: Anticipate is probably the right word. I don’t think there’s any situation Wednesday brings himself and Shadow into that he didn’t anticipate and plan for a specific result. He knows full well how everyone is going to react to Shadow, and he counts on it, and he calculates it. Wednesday’s a planner, and his plans started a long time ago and reach many years into the future. I think Wednesday knew how each of the Zorya sisters would respond to having Shadow in their company, and exactly what Czernobog was going to invite Shadow to do after dinner, and so when we Wednesday holds his tongue, it’s because he doesn’t want to interrupt something he’s enjoying.
FULLER: Fear Wednesday’s silence.

So, moving to the opposite of Czernobog—Cloris Leachman—tell me about getting her on board. Was she an easy sell to pitch?
FULLER: She was a very easy sell to get involved. Cloris Leachman is very easy, let it be told. We were very lucky. We offered her the role and she said yes, and it was so delightful for us to see her putting on the Zorya wig and her overcoat and becoming that character. You could see Cloris become a young girl when looking at herself completely owned by a new persona. It was like looking into a wormhole and seeing 70 years ago, a young Cloris admiring her wardrobe from one of her very first roles. She was that enthusiastic and impressed by Suttirat Larlarb’s work with the costuming. It was, honestly, an incredible honor to work with her. For her to turn 90 on the set of American Gods and Michael and I bringing her her birthday cake which said “I’m f–king 90” on it, at her request, was a career highlight.

Mr. Nancy kicks off this episode, obviously straying from his introduction in the book in an incredible way. What was the genesis of this speech? And I hear Orlando Jones got a standing ovation on set?
FULLER: Yeah, he did. We were trying to create a tonal land grab that was not necessarily inflammatory but spoke with a brutal honesty about the black person’s experience in coming to America that perhaps two white men had no business doing but were nevertheless compelled to break it down as we saw it. And it was Orlando Jones that really gave it life. He was the electricity that brought that passion and clarity and complexity because his performance… he uses five different dialects while he’s speaking to the slaves on the ship, using Afrikaner accents, Creole accents, all of these different preachers, essentially, woven into one, which was an attribute of his growing up and going to five different churches every Sunday because his mother wanted him to have a well-rounded religious experience. So we were very fortunate to witness him applying everything he knew about preaching and shaping it per line of dialogue, sometimes even to a word, where he would shift into a different dialect to underline or highlight what he was saying so it had maximum impact for him as a storyteller. And that was incredibly impressive.
GREEN: The scope of fortunate casting we have in the episode bears mention. You look at the number of characters introduced in this episode, not the least of which being the man who played the slave who prays to Anansi, an actor named Conphidance whom we were very fortunate to find. We wanted somebody who had depth and pathos and could do all that, but also needed someone who could speak one of the native tongues that were appropriate for the regions that would worship Anansi. If it was hard to get Cloris Leachman, it was much harder to find someone who could pray to Anansi in his native tongue. And our casting directors, Margery Simkin and Orly Sitowitz, worked until they found someone and said, “You’re going to love him,” and sure enough, we saw his audition tape and were thrilled and grateful because without him, we wouldn’t have had the scene.

There’s something to be said for how Mr. Nancy, in this sequence, can seemingly predict the future. Where did that element of his godly power come from?
GREEN: I think we just hit on the idea of, how would a modern-day stand-up comedian preacher who was aware of how things go in the world… express it? How would he channel that rage?
FULLER: There was a sense of time-travel as well because we knew we wanted Anansi to be speaking colloquial English and dressed in a three-piece zoot suit, so there was the fun of embracing the anachronism of someone who looked like they stepped out of a bar in New Orleans in the ‘40s and seeing him in the belly of a slave ship.
GREEN: Our “Coming to Americas” always exist in their own tonal mythic space. So the ridiculous is welcome there. Because are stories being retold, or written down for us, it’s always through an author’s pen, so we felt we had license. And because this is the way Anansi would like to tell the story.

Gillian Anderson makes her debut this episode as Media, and I loved the idea of relocating her to this big-box wholesale store. Was there just too much stuff already going on in hotel rooms?
FULLER: It was really about, what are going to be the strangest spaces for somebody who has been confined for the last three years to experience? And the big-box warehouse shop is intimidating for those of us who have been in them before, much less somebody who hasn’t been anywhere for three years and steps into this massive chasm of consumerism. And that felt as rich an altar as Media could have. The filming of that sequence was very exciting for us. I think it was one of the first moments in filming where we were like, “Oh! We nailed this part.” [Laughs.] The other stuff was questionable and a source of much worry, but the Lucy scene was something that we knew we had pulled off because we looked at that fantastic recreation of Lucy’s living room, and Gillian stepped into it in full costume as Lucy Ricardo. It was one of the first indicators, a month or two into production, where we felt a little bit of relief at having nailed something from the book? Because everything else, we were still speculating as to whether we were going to pull it off. And the crew was so thrilled to have Gillian on stage. It was like a well-loved cousin coming to visit, because it was the Hannibal crew.

We’ve now seen two new gods, Technical Boy and Media, who have threatened to reprogram reality. I’m wondering if you can explain your interpretation of what that actually means. In a perfect world, if the new gods got what they wanted, what would that look like?
FULLER: Well, we’re witnessing a reprogramming of reality happening right now where truth is no longer currency that people are trading in, and facts are meaningless, and feelings have replaced substantial truths in a way that I feel like there is an assault on reality right now, happening in America politically, that is probably not too far disconnected from the reprogramming of reality that the new gods are threatening. Because what they are attempting to do is control the game in a way that is not beholden to anybody else’s opinions but their own.

When Bilquis visits herself in a museum, is that a common thing, or was that the first time?
GREEN: I imagine that in one of her darker days, living on the streets in Hollywood before she found a new way to live in the world, she probably popped into the museum to use the restroom and was asked to leave, but before she left, she probably saw familiar objects that she wanted to go see again. So I don’t know. In my imagination, it’s not her first visit. It is a very sad thing to see your former glory behind glass in a museum as an ancient dead thing that no longer has life, that is barely a memory, that is only substantiated in dusty books that no one reads anymore. That’s heartbreaking. And we owe it to Yetide Badaki who’s able to walk through those halls with so much dignity and pain that, in an absolutely dialogue-less scene, you understand completely what’s going through her heart.

We see Wednesday’s meeting with the Jinn, just as it ends. How did that meeting go?
FULLER: Mr. Wednesday successfully recruited a god! Or a demigod, rather.

And finally, last week you said that Shadow’s meeting with Technical Boy was the moment he’s lifted off his feet and the kite string cuts. Where do we find him now in relation to his acceptance of all the crazy going on around him?
GREEN: He is struggling with accepting that reality isn’t what he thought it was, and when people are confronted with truths that are different from what they felt emotionally, they sometimes react poorly, and one of those reactions is, “Well, if I was wrong, and if the world isn’t what I need it to be, then f— it. Take me out. I don’t want to play that game.” And that expression, that struggle, is one of the early steps he has to take to get to an acceptance of the new reality and the larger world. It’s not a good reaction on his part, and it’s one that Media tries to exploit: the part of him—not a good part—that would rather get off the carousel then find out that it flies.

For more American Gods this week, read our interviews with Peter Stormare about Czernobog, Gillian Anderson about Media, dive into the recap, or watch EW’s postmortem show featuring Orlando Jones and this week’s guests, Ricky Whittle and Cloris Leachman.

War is Love Part 2

I had a lot of love from the first part. Let me know if there should be a part 3 ;)

Harry watched you from perform from the sidelines, his hand absentmindedly running across his lips. He hated to see you here, only because he knew exactly how much pain he had caused you. It amazed him to even find you before him, singing your heart out and bringing a star struck fan up on stage to sing with you. He caught himself smiling at your love for them. It never failed, you always seemed to find the fan that knew all of your songs to bring them up on stage. 

You were always thinking of them and it was one of the many things he had fallen in love with you for. Another being able to get lost in your music or any for the matter. It was how you two were able to connect so easily. Both letting music bring you two closer. He watched as you twirled the fan around and linked arms with them, allowing them to sing the rest of the song while you took a selfie with them. 

Harry knew that once the song was over, you’d ask for their name and then upload it later. It was something you’ve always done from the first day you were given the stage. You were forever in debt to your fans and you made sure that you tried to give a little every time you performed. He shifted as you did exactly what he expected you to do. 

He wasn’t sure if you had seen him and if you had, you were doing a great job at ignoring him because had he been the one on stage, he wouldn’t be able to keep his eyes off of you. Harry froze as you turned just in time for that thought to ran across his mind. Your eyes glimmered over him for just a moment as you accepted the guitar a stage member handed you. 

 Turning your full attention back towards the crowd, you climbed up on the stool. “You guys have been wonderful,” strumming a few chords to get your fingers warm, you sighed, “I’m more than happy with you guys being my first crowd in over a year.” Looking down at your hands, you tried to settle your increased heart rate from finally acknowledging his presence. Taking a deep breath, you smiled and looked into the excited eyes of the crowd who cheered. “I’ve got a present for you beautiful, beautiful people.” Swaying a little against the wind that picked up, “This is a song that won’t be available for a few more weeks-” screams and cheers filled the outdoor stadium. You sucked in air, wincing at the ear piercing sounds bouncing around. Laughing, “It’s the first and only full song that I’ve recorded in a year so I hope you guys enjoy it. It hits close to home…" 

Harry swallowed hard, his jaw clenching as you began to sing. He knew your voice like the back of his hand. He mentored you into the sound it was and it killed him to hear the breaks you tried hard to prevent. You always had a habit of letting your voice break during the songs that you truly felt and that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. He couldn’t deny that your song sent chills down his body and it wasn’t just because of the words. You had kept your eyes closed the entire time, afraid that if you hadn’t, tears would be streaming down your face. This was the third time you had ever actually sang this song only because it hurt to much to sing it to yourself. 

"Here’s to the nights where I stood alone, to the nights I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe. I was never ready for you to leave. It was the hardest thing I’ll ever do, walking away while still loving you. And that doesn’t mean I wanted too, but I saw it coming. But that’s what happens when you let someone in, they destroy everything that could have been.” Humming a few notes, you opened your eyes slightly, feeling the tears build up inside. “If they asked me if I loved him, I would I say I do because no one gives the people they don’t love the power to destroy you.” Humming again, you took a deep breath and finished out your strum, “I was never ready for you to leave." 

You could feel the tear slid down your cheek but it was a bit relieving. It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulder. Hopping down off the stool with the guitar in one hand, you waved and blew the crowd kisses. They chanted and screamed your name, and at the moment, you were sure that they had loved the song just as much as you wanted them to. "I love you! Keep this beautiful energy up with the others. Goodnight, San Diego!" 

 Harry felt tense all over, his body was like lead as he looked around him to see if anyone was looking for his reaction. The muscles in his face tightened and strained against each other as he ducked around the corner. His strides were long and quick as he reached his dressing room for the evening. Closing the door shut behind him, he knocked down the rack that held clothing options for the night. Harry knew what he had done to you was wrong and he regretted his drunken decision the moment in happened. It was as if all the alcohol had dissipated the second the flash went off and captured that moment for the rest of his life. He ran both hands through his hair. 

Harry was angry not because you had written a song about him but because it wasn’t rage filled or sassy in any way. He expected you to own him but instead you took the harder way out and expressed how you deeply felt about the situation. He would rather you have sang about how he sometimes failed to entertain in bed even though you both knew it would be a complete lie. Just something other than a song that reminded him just how much he fucked up. 

All he wanted was to hold you tight and whisper promises he would die trying to keep. Never would he look at another girl again, never would he let alcohol consume him and convince him to do things he shouldn’t do. He still loved you. Hell, he never stopped loving you. You were his everything and more. He had just fallen victim to a weak moment and he knew you would never forgive him for it and Harry wouldn’t want you to. But, damn, that song filled him with anger.  

Harry wanted you to hate him because if you did, the tour would be easier to manage than to know that you still loved him and he was the douchebag that broke your heart. 

 —————————————————————————– 

 Part three? Yay? Nay? 
 Spam me with reasons <3 ;)

Pike’s Back : DDD

Really excited for her to be back, for a few months, and really hoping her being around for a stretch of time will mean some people will stop infantilizing her and/or making her out to be this beacon of ~purity and innocence~ somehow. I love Pike but come on people, cut that crap out. Just because she’s religious and heals people doesn’t mean she’s some naive angel baby. 

Pike has demonstrated, countless times, that she is lewd, crude, and has a dirty mind. She swears, she encourages raunchy jokes and moments. Just last episode she admitted to frequently going to brothels and considering that a rite of passage for adventurers. She gets outrageously drunk, sometimes to the point of passing out in the tavern. She once spent six months on a ship being a sailor, and if you know anything at all about sailors you know that means she learned a bunch of songs that’d turn your hair white from shock. She encouraged a fey artist to make an embarrassing caricature drawing of the team and then denied her involvement when the team was upset. (I am not saying any of these things are necessarily bad - even the passing out drunk thing is mostly treated as a joke more than something serious - just pointing out that this is the character that some people seem to think has never had an “impure” thought in her life.)

Now Pike frequently uses her image of innocence to her advantage. (See: the Garmelie con.) People in Exandria underestimate her for her size, her innocent face, her soft voice. We the fans should know better by now.

The circumstances of Momo.

Frankly, I’m surprised that they manage to put so much Momo content in this one episode when in the manga, it felt more like his crappy situation at home was revealed to us in tiny hints and implications over the course of several chapters.

At least, that’s how I recall it. Maybe my memory’s wrong but there certainly was more of a gradual, built-up feeling of sympathy for Momo than how it was done in the anime, which was like “Suddenly, exposition!”.

Especially this part.

Momo’s (horrid) mother doesn’t make her threatening appearance until a later arc. Granted, it’s just her voice over the phone but the effect is still there, you know what I mean? And I’m definitely sure the effect didn’t kick in this early.

Now I can’t help but think that they don’t intend to do more than one cour. Since they might be trying to squeeze in as much manga plot as they can into 12 episodes before probably going for an original ending.

But that’s not necessarily a bad thing if they don’t screw up the writing too badly, considering this is a shoujo work. Better have some conclusion for the anime than leave it hanging, not knowing if a sequel will ever get green-lit b/c of whatever reason.

Anyways, back on topic, it’s pretty obvious why Momo is trying avoid Nino, despite wanting to see her so badly.

Since he decided to take on the responsibility of paying back his parents’ debt by using his songs to earn money, he doesn’t think he’s worthy of her anymore.

Not like when they were children together, when Momo could write his songs freely and only for the sake of the girl he loved. Back then, everything was still pure and innocent. Everything was clean.

Now all the songs he intended for Nino to sing has been dirtied. They’ve been sold to the music industry for cash.

This is not how Momo wanted it to be. Even if Nino didn’t care and wanted to sing his songs anyway, Momo can’t let her, who’s still “pure” in his eyes, come into contact with something so beneath her. Momo thinks that the way he is now, he is beneath her.

And that’s only half of the misery.

Momo also has to make sure that his mother never comes anywhere close to Nino because who knows what that woman would do? Someone who feels no shame in using their own child to resolve their debt would not hesitate to hurt those important to him to keep him under her thumb.

And that’s why Momo is suffering so much. He’s not just going through one kind of grief. He’s going through several. His mom, his issues with himself…

…and his true feelings.

Feelings of wanting to see Nino, to be with Nino.

Like Yuzu, he’s also in conflict with himself. He wants to protect Nino, wants to do what’s best for her sake, wants to protect her.

Even if that means being cruel to her to keep her away and feeling like shit afterwards.

Because even if he’s determined to do anything to keep her out of harm’s way, it’s not like he can just stop being in love with her. You can’t just expect the heart to not want what it wants.

And that’s just sad because what Momo wants is the same as what he needs right now.

And that’s not for Nino to be his lover or girlfriend but just for Nino to be by his side to support him through his problems. Which he can’t allow because of the reasons mentioned above.

As the saying goes, it’s complicated.

And it’s going to get a lot more complicated now that somebody has “taken” Nino away. This is going to make Momo want to fight to get her back.

I can only imagine how the anime will deal with this, if they’re diverging from manga canon. But I hope it’ll at least be conclusive.

And happy conclusive. Or at least something I can be satisfied with.

calfreezy imagine - it aint me

REQUESTED: “Please do a Calfreezy imagine based on the song It Ain’t Me by Kygo ft Selena Gomez”

The bag was overflowing. All my stuff, the things I’d treasured for a two whole years, were compressed into one suitcase and a handbag. As I stood waiting for the lift I felt a strange sensation of hope, relief, nostalgia. It was a strange mix of feelings - and it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. I didn’t feel nearly as upset as I had expected to. I was ready.

As the lift doors opened I stepped forward.

“Y/n! Where are you going?”

His voice made the hair on my arms stand tall. Reluctantly, I turned around to face him. There stood Cal.

His eyebrows were knitted together in confusion as he tried desperately to piece together the situation in front of him. It didn’t take him long to realise; no, the look on my face was enough to give him all the information he needed. I watched his eyes widen as realisation hit.

“Y/n? Are you leaving me?”

The lift doors shut impatiently and I stepped forward. 

“I’m sorry, Cal.”

“You are? You’re leaving me?”

“I’m sorry.”

He ran his hands through his hair and I cringed at the discomfort of the situation. I hadn’t planned for this. I had left the note on his bedside table and escaped, thinking at the time that that would be over. I guess in reality it’s never that simple.

“But, why? How can you just leave?”

“Cal, I’m not happy in this anymore. I’ve had enough and I need to go. I’m sorry.”

He edged towards me. I paid close attention to the distraught on his face, his hands noticeably shaking as he realised what this meant.

“You can’t tell me you’re happy,” I added softly.

“I…I thought we were.” His eyes met the floor. “You’re taking the photos?”

I nodded. “I’m taking the good memories, Cal. We had some really great memories.”

“So what does that mean? You’re leaving me with the bad ones? I’m stuck with this image of you leaving for the rest of my life?”

I stroked his face, looking deep into the ocean blue of his eyes, how they were beginning to cloud over. 

“Cal, you won’t remember me for the rest of your life. You’ll move on, once you’re ready.” As he looked back at me I offered him a reassuring smile. “You’re gonna find a girl, and you’ll be drinking whiskey by night and taking polaroids on the beach by day, like when we were seventeen.”

“But she won’t be you,” he interjected.

“No, she won’t. But I don’t want it to be me Cal. I can’t do any more nights of waking up to phone calls from Simon at 4am telling me you’re drunk and need collecting. I don’t wanna lie alone at night, not knowing where you are or who you’re with. I can’t do it, Cal. This isn’t for me anymore.”

A tear rolled down his cheek and I wiped it away with my thumb.

“It’s not for you?”

“It’s not for me, Cal. We’re not in love anymore and you know it. There’s no summer nights anymore, no intimacy, no drunken mornings. There’s just you, living the high life, and me living by memories. And I’m over it.”

I turned and pressed the buttons on the wall. As the lift doors opened I entered them, watching Cal’s devastated face one more time.

“Goodbye, Cal.”