chapter 9 of anti-social is going to end up having fifty characters and being twelve years long and i should probably just make it a seperate fic but i am just so attached to it as a denouement so i guess ~we’ll see~
This is a personal post, move on if you wish. But I do have a story.
So, as most of y'all know, I’ve had a rough go recently. My relationship with my parents, whom I live with, is riddled with holes that are covered with bandaids they put on with words and not actions. I know they love me, they are my parents, but they don’t seem to know how to form a strong relationship with me, with any of their kids. My anxiety has been volatile and crazy, sending me into hyperdrive and prone to panic attacks at any given moment. Work has been stressful to say the least, but the stress there has, fortunately, been removed. Thursday and Friday were much better there. I’ve been making tracks to figure out going back to school, because my parents are pressuring me to move out and I can’t afford to with my current income and the bills I have. So, while I was thinking about it to begin with, the pressure was a lot all at once.
Well, I broke this week. On Monday. Had an epic panic attack in the bathroom at work. It’s a shared bathroom. I hate to think what was on that floor, but that’s besides the point. Thankfully, a really close friend was able to pick up the phone when I called and talk me out of it and let me cry and bitch to her. My boss was an absolute angel and let me go home and even let me have Tuesday off. My best friend was on her way home from school, the police academy actually, and deviated her course to stop because I desperately needed a hug and someone to talk to. Moz, my angel, was perfect and there and able to help me see through the fog of plans falling through.
There were angels put in my path Monday, and the rest of the week, and I realized they are the ones that are always there for me. When I felt like my world was crumbling and unstable, I found rocks to ground me, hands to hold, and words of strength to bolster me.
While I know my low this week wasn’t the worst I could get, there is lower, I knew I had hit a personal turning point. With an appointment set with my doctor and everything going on, I had people in my corner that had always been in my corner. And I knew they always would be.
So I made a decision, one I knew one day I’d make, but well, remember the parents? Yeah. I may be 30, but I do live under their roof, so I had been putting off something I had wanted to do for a while. Getting a tattoo.
With everything happening this week though, I knew I wanted to remember this, remember everything. I knew I wanted something to give me a reminder that there will always be someone in my corner, fighting with me and for me, to pick me up when I’m down and help me keep going.
So I did it. While there’s a chance I could get kicked out, or at very best have a huge fight with my parents about this (it’s a religion, your-body-is-a-temple-you-shouldn’t-defile thing…) I know I have people with me and I’ll make it through whatever life is handed to me.
I just remembered that time I used to think that I was straight but had a huge crush on a girl in my class. How did my brain explained that? I just wanted to be REALLY good friends with that girl ._. (that sounds creepy now that I think about it) and the girl either never realized or she never said anything about it lol
I just looked over the list of available majors at UT Austin and there is no major in their college of natural sciences available. I should have just applied to the college of natural sciences in the first place; I’m so frustrated. At this point I’m just going to go in as undeclared and hope there’s room in the classes required for engineering/natural sciences.
happy birthday to.. me! haha uh its kind of a birthday tradition of mine to draw whatever i feel like no matter how little sense it makes lmao anyway here are yuuri and victor in kinda matchy KotOR star wars robes!! its very late!!! this is not an au dont @ me victor would never work for the jedi he is good and i trust him okay im leaving now bed time