As an INTP, I sometimes speak with a confident tone of voice when I don’t actually know all that much about a subject, which leads people to think that I know a lot more about stuff than I actually do.
*curtsies* dear duke, how are you so... self-assured? i do not mean to be rude, i actually admire this characteristic. i just wonder... how do you sound so certain & collected, so confident? how did you know your words were worth it before your book came out, before accomplishments or any praise? [i know this is a weird personal question so i understand if you don't feel like replying, and apologies for any eventual grossout.]
*Curtsies* Well, part of what you have to consider is that everything you hear from me comes in written format through the internet, which means that I have the ability to read back through it and make sure it doesn’t sound muddled and totally inarticulate before actually posting it. So as much as I would like to pretend that I’m eloquent and sure-speaking all the time, that’s not true (AT ALL). Point is: take everything I say in context. Typing a post isn’t the same as speaking on the spot.
As for the rest of it, I have honestly noticed that the older I get, the less I care about what other people think of me and my work. I don’t know whether I’m just getting jaded or I’ve just learned that other people’s approval isn’t nearly as important as my own. I’m pretty okay with who I am as a person and what I’m doing with my life and there’s no reason to pretend that isn’t the case, because I’ve worked really, really hard to get to where I am. We live in a culture that teaches us (especially women) to always be self-effacing and self-deprecating, because as soon as you say something like, “I’m smart,” or “I’m good at [x],” people read that as arrogance instead of confidence. Personally I think that’s idiotic, so I’ve been working on not selling myself short. Yeah, I’m intelligent. I don’t think it makes me an asshole to say that. Yes, I think I have some talent as a writer (though plenty of people have told me the opposite). I don’t think it makes me an asshole to say that, either. Because there are P L E N T Y of good qualities I know I don’t have and things I’m willing to admit I’m absolutely rotten at. I’m more than a little obsessive. I am not a patient or a sensitive person. I have a capacity to be tremendously caustic and short-tempered, and sometimes the fact that I’m good with words makes that a whole hell of a lot worse. I’m often too loud, too quick to judge, too dismissive of people I disagree with. This is all true. I’m not proud of any of it. But I’m also not ashamed of my good qualities. Knowing your worth is really important, especially when you move out of school and into the real world and have to start convincing people that you deserve this job/promotion/degree/whatever it is that you want. Ultimately self-confidence isn’t about vanity; it’s about survival. It’s hard. But it’s also healthy.
To address the writing thing specifically: I really didn’t know whether anything I’d written was ‘worth it’. I’d had plenty of peers and teachers tell me my writing just didn’t have that je ne sais quois that makes it ‘good.’ I’ve mentioned this before, but I got rejected from senior honors at my university and then got rejected again by ten different MFA programs. Believe me, there was a lot of doubt. But I still had faith in what I’d written, I’d been writing and reading long enough to know that even though it was a far cry from perfect it had potential, and I decided to start reaching out to agents because I still wanted to try that despite all of the nay-saying and rejection that had already happened. It felt like a bit of a Hail Mary. And with a good 80% of the agents I queried it was: just a long shot launched toward the end zone with no receiver in sight. But it just so happened that a couple agreed it had potential, and I finally clicked with one, and the rest is history. Art is highly subjective. The same piece of writing that ten MFA programs rejected is getting published now by a Big Five house. Go figure. Am I certain it’s ‘good,’ even now? Hell no. Two years and fifty-something drafts later I know it’s a lot better, but my agent and editor still have to remind me on a regular basis that yes, they think it’s good, too, and I’m not just about to publicly embarrass myself come April.
Here’s the thing: everyone’s their own worst critic. That’s not bad. That’s what keeps you from becoming arrogant, and it’s also what helps you get better at stuff. But you should also try to be your own biggest fan, because that’s important, too. There’s no easy way to make that happen, but I think it starts with giving yourself credit for good work. For positive qualities and talent. Don’t be shy about it. Claim your best self.
STOP IT NOW!
STOP bad role models!
STOP comparing me!
STOP unhealthy diets!
STOP spreading insecurity!
STOP judging me!
STOP saying who I should be!
Please STOP it now!
You’re beautiful just the way you are. Because you’re unique.
Love you guys, we are blessed to have you.
nothing makes u feel like a badder bitch than walking down the hall with ur head held high and a bouquet of roses in ur hand while you have Veronica sawyer blasting from ur earbuds singing about getting dick
my dash’s pretty dead so i need new blogs to follow!! reblog/like if you post/reblog:
- State Champs
- As It Is
- With Confidence
- pop punk in general
- Criminal Minds
- languages (esp. Russian, Swedish and Spanish)
- Harry Potter
lukerockets: Endless love and gratitude to everyone who came out to our U.K./Euro tour, being able to headline and even sell out a few shows on the other side of the world is something beyond my wildest dreams. Shout out to @safetosayband@broadsideofficial and @ukmilestones for blowing us away night after night and to @____tmh @steelenips and @brandonlung for being the best crew/mates I could ask for ❤ 📷: @jessicabertolina
Excited about this new swim suit, excited to get away this weekend with some of my favorite humans. I’ve been struggling with body image so fucking much lately but I feel so sexy in this, y'all, I’m hyped.