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A couple weeks ago I was asked to speak in church tomorrow. Since we’re so close to Independence Day, the topic I was assigned is “Land of Liberty.”

But I find the term “liberty” to be impossible to define and I wasn’t really comfortable with the overall tone, so I got the topic changed to “Land of Agency and Accountability.”

Please wish me luck! (I’m still preparing the talk, so any and all words of encouragement are appreciated.)

The Hug that saved the World

Context: Our DM decided to test our characters on his final night as DM. He created a God Tier level Wizard that threatened the very world itself and challenged us to defeat him. After about an hour of fighting our party wasn’t looking too good. The wizard had recently launched a giant fire ball at the party and my character was unlucky and began to be on fire.

Me (OOC) Since I’m on fire could I run up to the wizard and give him a hug while I’m on fire.

DM (chuckling) You can defiantly try.

Me (OOC) Man, how much damage would that cause?

DM (sarcastic) it be 365 hug damage

Me in character “Who wants a hug?!”

My Barbarian ran up to the wizard as my party pleaded me to stop. I passed my grapple check and I gave the best bear hug that my barbarian could do. Surprisingly, the DM honored the said damage as my character delivered a 365 damage bear hug, but my character suffered the same amount of damage. When my party collected themselves, all there was were 2 piles of ash. My character that I have been playing for years was gone.

When the party returned to town, they used their reward money to have a statue made of their fallen Barbarian comrade. Thus reading, “Never Forget Tardgerd, Yippy Ki Yay Mother Hugger.”

So remember kids, if you’re ever faced with an enemy that can’t seem to be beaten, a very warm hug is always an option.

Why the Zodiac Signs Would Be Good in a Business/As a Boss

Aries: They are good at assessing others’ strengths and weaknesses and would be able to use this ability to their advantage.

Taurus: They would be good at tracking small changes that could be utilized to improve the business.

Gemini: They would be able to look at different business offers and consider them all carefully, without getting too excited over one and choosing it before looking at others.

Cancer: They would know when it is be wise to explore different options, but they also when to hold back and stay careful.

Leo: A Leo boss would be charming enough to have employees both willing and happy to do as they say.

Virgo: A Virgo would be dedicated to making the business as successful as possible, and thus would be willing to fire unhelpful employees, without regard to personal preferences.

Libra: They are unbiased and would be able to promote capable employees into positions of power, after making sure that they are able to do the job.

Scorpio: They wouldn’t back down or succumb to intimidation tactics when making a deal with another business.

Sagittarius: They would be able to quickly assess what should be done in the case of an emergency and are willing to make changes to solve a problem.

Capricorn: Their apparent confidence, their ambition, and their perseverance would be inspiring to employees.

Aquarius: They are organized and would be able to prevent business matters from stressing them out and getting to their head.

Pisces: Their creativity would be an asset, as they would come up with new ideas to replace older methods that are no longer helpful/of use.

Context: my paladin (lawful neutral) and bard are looting a town full of dead skeletons and come across a bycicle with +30 movement speed, and my paladins mount is a giant sea turtle with 10 land speed. Both players are first time players.

Bard: wow if i equip this i’ll have, what, 60 movement speed?
DM (me): yeah, thats right.
Paladin: and since i have armor on, i’d be 50, right?
DM: right again.
paladin:…can my turtle ride it?
DM: what?
Paladin rolls a d20 and rolls high for the turtles dexterity: can the turtle ride the unicycle?

TL;DR, for the rest of the adventure the bard and paladin rode on the turtles shoulder as it rode on the unicycle, and this combination was faster than anyone else in our party.

Where did we go?

What did we do?

I think we made something

E̵̬̹̱̝̣̣̾͐̈́̂̽̍̈́̀̈̈͑̓͛̏̐̓̅͋̔̆̒̐͋͗͐͆̚̚̕̕̕͠͝͝͠N̸̛̤̼̤̙̻̜͈̖̦͎̔̇͆̂̏͛̐̀̃̑́̎͆͗̉̌͆̽̍͆̈́̿͛̍̓̎̓͊̑̽̾͛̉͒̃̅͆͝͝͝͝Ţ̵̢̢̨̤̼͔̫̻̞͍͍̖͈̬̟̟̰̫̬͕̤̥̘̳̫̦͖̬̼̦̲͂́̅̀̑̈́̋̓̈͆̀͆̍̍͛̂͌̇͒̈́͜Ḯ̵̛̛̤̞̹̫̖̘̬̯̦̫̖̠̪͙͖͔͇̖̳͍̞̫̮̮͌̈́̒̀̿̽͐͂̅̎̉͊̊́̃͐͊̔̔͝R̵̨̡̢̨̢̡̢̨̛͇̭̩͉̭̲̼͖͉̯̲͈̣̫̪̣̰͈̬̦̼̥͚̙̖̬̥͍̳̦͖̰͈̳̰͚͖̫͖̩͓̬͉͔̪̝͔̳̬̝͍̙͈̟̺̃̑͌̊͗̈́͂̏̈̋̇̋̌̽́̑̏͐̽̈́͂̍̅̂̉́̃̾̂̂̇̿͆̔͐̽̚̚̕̚ͅͅĔ̴̡̛̦̼̗̠̰̾̄͋͗̈́̐͆͛̑̔̏̈́͋̀͛̌̊̈́̇̉͌̈́͛͐̋̓́̾́̿͊̈́̆̋̀͑͛̒͐́̋̈́̈͑̃̾̇̄͛̕̕͘̕͝͠͠͠͝͠L̷͉̭̪̘̜͚̈́͐̇̀͆̑́̾̈̒̎̈́̑͆̚̕͠͝Ỷ̸̢̧̢̥̼̗͖̻͈̖̱̲̼͕̰̫̠͔͖͎̜̮̹̩̙̘̞͌̈́̆̃̉̽̍͐͆̈́̍̀͌͊̈́́͂̓̌͘͜͝͝ͅͅͅ ̶̡̢̢̨̛͕̩̠̖̺̲͕̝̟̳̥̪̳̪̦͑̎̆̔̓̔̋͝N̴̟̗̤͂̈́́͊̿̿̏̄͂̏̍͗̔̈́̑̋̄̔̑̀̿̍͛̈́̍̇̾̿͂̏̅͆̃͆́̔͐͋͒̚̚͝͠ͅͅË̷̢͙̱̺̮͎̭͙̖̰́̽̐͗̏̓̉̒̏̈́͌͌̈́̕͜͝W̵̨̛̲̯̎̌͒͛̄̀̄̀̀͊̓̓͌́̍̅̾̏̊̋̂̇̋͐̉̓̾͛̋͐͛͑̓̀̽̊́͋̍̇͂̕̚̕̚̚͠͝ͅͅ

̸̨̛̯̆͆͊̌̓̔͐̊̈̀̉͋͂̅̏̋̎͐̽͗͂̓̎̑́̂̄̔̐͋̿͛̆̃̈́͌̉̕͘͠͝

Dean is allowed to refuse to do things Sam’s way.

Dean is allowed to disagree with Sam.

Dean is allowed to be angry when Sam abandons or betrays him.

Dean is allowed to keep his feelings to himself.

Dean is allowed to have feelings regardless of whether they are what Sam thinks they should be.

Dean is allowed to call out even a loved one for hurting him or betraying him, especially if they keep doing it.

Dean is allowed to be afraid or nervous that they will do it again.

Humans are allowed to do all of these things, and as a person, so is Dean. None of these make Dean controlling, abusive, or cruel. Framing it as such what an abuser does to keep their victim in line. It’s a method certain people use to manipulate someone else into silence or compliance. Dean falls for it because of years and years of formative, psychological abuse, but that doesn’t make it even remotely true or right or even acceptable.

I cast message

So a little backstory: I played a dwarf-bard who didn’t do very many bardy things. This is one of those few.

DM: So it looks like Eldeths (dwarf bard ) the only one standing, and you four haven’t been able to land anything on the guy. He’s feeling cocky as he turns to you Eldeth. What do you do?

Eldeth: I cast message on my opponent.

DM: Okay what do you want to whisper in his ear?

Eldeth: I scream as loud as I can. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DM: I rolled for- constitution? What do you even roll for here? but that was a crit fail…. so.. (sighs loudly.) You shatter the man’s ear drums, his ears are now bleeding.

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