A Blue Prince To Own, Chapter 6 (Part 2)
The escape pod doesn’t go as fast as Blue could, which is a surprise because if anyone is reduced to using one, they’re probably in situation where they need to get away from their attackers really freaking quick. It does however take you to the coordinates on some sort of autopilots, so I can sit back and make sure I’m not flying through any meteor fields, pretend I’m on a long car ride. It gives me some time to think, so I think, and think and think. Prince Lotor’s gentle words keep playing on a loop in my brain because hey, they’re the only messiah in this sadness I’ve been swimming in. Maybe I’m as dependent on him as Blue claimed, but I feel to the need to remind that I was that dependent on everyone in the castle.
Dependent on their praise for my own happiness, dependent on their recognition to chase my mood swings away, but it would never work because that’s… I don’t know, that’s just not how it’s supposed to work. Maybe I was going to end up miserable whether the team stepped all over me or not just because I’m away from my family, or just because everything’s changing so quickly. Of course, there’ll always be things in my environment that ensure I don’t stay in a constant state of happiness. It could be as large as failing a mission or as small as breaking my pencil. I should know, I cried when I almost lost my Garrison scholarship for throwing a chocolate smoothie at Reed Graymouthe and I cried when I stepped on my favorite pen.
This trip is reminding me how quiet space is. Most of it’s just black matter, with so much left to discover. We could come across the hundred planets and there would still be space to come across more. It’s reminding me why I wanted to become a pilot in the first place. To think I could ever be apart of a discovery, finding something new to grasp in the huge, endless abyss of space could make me melt on the spot. Or cry, depends on how many pencils I’d broken that day. Then, there was Keith. Everything was always about Keith, even when he got the boot for behavioral issues. It… it is so heart breaking to have your dreams ripped away from you so suddenly, to be constantly told you will never be as good as someone you had admired and aspired to surpass to deeply. The teachers, the students, they always thought I must know I’d never be good enough.
They even recommended I drop out of the pilot program, move onto engineering or physics, because there was a reason I’d been able to test into the Garrison. I knew the basics for most of the subjects the Garrison centered around, but I’d chosen to go with piloting despite being mediocre at it. No matter how much I practiced, I never seemed to improve.
Eventually, I can’t hold open my eyelids anymore and my brain is getting swampy, vision blurry from the filter of my eyelashes, then I just close them completely. There’s a red film, red like Keith’s lion, red like any humans insides, red like blood that trickles from flesh, red like… the feeling of conflict he instills in me. God, I’m trying to be sure of myself, but I’m still conflicted, even past the point of no return. No matter how awful they’ve ever treated me, even if unintentionally or just as default because they don’t know how much it hurts, I still cling to them. Shiro bears favoritism, but he’s still such a good leader and I was always flattered to ever be on his team. Keith and I’s purely sexual relationship wasn’t even toxic until just recently, when my mind became too much, and he’s a phenomenal pilot. Pidge, they were like a little sibling to me and Hunk was my best friend, essentially my saving grace when we fell apart so conveniently at the same time all those years ago at the Garrison, at just the beginning of our long journey. Even if he’s all but abandoned me now. I guess the score is settled, now.
Allura and I got along pretty well and she rejected by semi serious advances long ago. The flirting was just a farce for comedic purposes, as I’m just a joke to everyone, so I should keep up the act to not upset the balance. After all, if the team is able to unload their frustrations onto me and that is the only purpose I’ve come to serve, it’s better than nothing and I’d oblige less than happily, but no one else would know that. Not anymore. Now, I’m finally doing something for myself. Now, I’m not letting people shove me into walls, fuck me over, use me. This isn’t the academy, I should’ve never been used as an outlet in the first place because no matter how you view it, it’s wrong. Even if it was unintentional. No one should be used like that, if they’re used at all.
But, oh Allura. She told me that my flirting, although inconvenient at times, made her feel pretty. I would do anything to help the others, especially when they all bare such heavy burdens, even if it’s as small as playful, kiddish advances. We became close through our mutual understanding. I think… she always sort of knew I was unhappy. The same way my Mama knew I wasn’t ever clumsy enough to trip and scrape myself up every single day. But, following the similarity, they both probably didn’t know how to approach me. God, I just want someone to approach me about it at all, to know someone cares, not just suspect it. I don’t care if it’s inadequate or messy because that’s just how life is and I’d appreciate the slightest bit of concern in any form.
Coran, on the other hand, outwardly knew about my faltering mood. He explains to me that as a royal advisor, he’s well skilled in the art of reading others, observing and noting their behavior and what even the slightest of abnormalities mean. He pats my back and says that although he doesn’t completely understand what I’m going through, he’ll always lend an ear. That was probably the most comfort I’d ever received from an adult. We became very close. I’d say our bond was almost… familial. However, Matt drew everyone’s attention away. I laugh humorlessly as I begin to lull into a cold rest. I’m so bitter, I wish Matt and Shiro would’ve stayed captive just so I could live in my comfortable illusion of stability. With the thought that even if I was needed for awful reasons, I was needed at all by those I… loved.
Another dream grips me, oddly enough.
However, it’s just a continuation of the last dream. I’m prepared to die, I just sucked in the water and I feel like my face is about to pop. It’s one of the most painful feelings I’ve ever felt. I feel so swollen that my eyelids are just pinching themselves close and my limbs are jerking without my permission, sending a flurry of bubbles around me, the distorted blue of the sea getting darker and darker around the edges as the last of the light fades. The murky images of my friends, up on the surface, blinks out of focus and the pressure of being submerged this deep will make my chest explode eventually, it’s just an agonizing matter of time.
Then, there’s something slender slipping around my waist, tanking me down. I try to scream, but I just pull in more water and my body is desperate to keep it out, so desperate to stay alive, even when I grant it an escape. If I’m lucky, my chest will explode before my eyeballs pop out of my head. Locks of white hair swim up in front of me, tickling my face, as whatever is gripping me drags me deeper at an alarming rate. I see my life flash before my eyes, with lips against the shell of my ear, maybe this will be my end and -“Mine at last, Blue Prince.”
I jerk awake in a fashion similar to when the first dream struck and find myself staring into familiar golden eyes, framed with familiar white lashes, lodged in a familiar, angular purple face. So many emotions rush into my skull that my facial expression probably mirrors a fuzzy TV screen because everyone tried to change the channel at once. A full minute passes of me just staring blankly into his face before I finally settle for a lazy grin because I’d scream, but I just woke up and I’m laying on a bed fit for a prince. A Blue Prince?
“You look better in person, Princey.”
He giggles and his eyes become wide and childish, like a kid observing a tree framed with huge, neatly wrapped presents on Christmas. “To you as well, my darling Blue Prince!” Lotor strokes a finger down my cheek with gentle ease. “Skin so soft, so stunning, structure so gorgeous, a refreshing warm brown color… I love every part of it, my Blue Prince.” He leans down, presses a kiss to the flesh just below my eye. I’m… in heaven, I believe, is the only way I could begin to describe this serenity.
“I’ll have all the time in the universe to worship every part of you.” The prince stands from where he knelt at my side and holy fucking guacamole an actual prince kneeled for me, looking eager. “Shall I introduce you to your new lifestyle as my beloved Blue Prince and honorable Consort?”
I breathe. I’ve never felt less like I’m drowning in my life. This… this is where I am needed. I have a purpose, here. To be by his side, forever.
“You shall, my love.”
So, the beginning of forever had begun.