not sure whether it's appropriate or not

anonymous asked:

29 💦

29. “Come over here and make me.”

“You sound mad,” Shawn says with a little chuckle, his nighttime voice just the slightest bit deeper and raspier over the line.

“Would you please stop saying that?” You sigh, wriggling around in a bed that you can never get comfortable in and kicking the thick comforter off of your stifled legs with a pout. “I’m not mad. I’m just…” You pause for a moment, the truth on the tip of your tongue.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Someone just told me that black people have historically owned the highest number of slaves. Is this true? I've been doing research but can't come up with a solid answer, and it's bothering me, because this person said this in the context of whether it's appropriate to use racial slurs. Due to Africa's long history of slavery, it seems like it could be true, but I'm just not sure.

Cont: “Hey, followup to the question I asked last night about slavery. I found that, although Africa has a long history of enslavement, slavery wasn’t a matter of race up until just before the first Black slaves were brought to America. I’m still not sure who has historically enslaved the *most,* but it’s safe to say that the dynamic we have here in the good ol US of A is very distinct in how toxic it is. (please correct me if I’m wrong, I’d still love to hear your insight)”

Yeah it’s a misrepresentation to conflate the two types and leave out details. It’s like when people claim that the first slave owner in the US was black. In fact check out readabookson’s library that should still be a torrent ups there’s a book in there describing the history of slavery.

Eon

Spirit Interview Questions

Originally posted by tomato0tomatto

The Spiritionary Team presents this list of questions for learning about a spirit and its species as a tool for all the spirit workers out there who are as keen to learn as much as we are. Thanks to our primcon J @insertcheesywitchypunhere for this great idea!

How to Ask These Questions

Some of these questions may be suitable to ask when you first meet a spirit while some are more sensitive, so make sure you assess the situation and use your intuition to check whether it’s appropriate to ask a spirit something at any given time. You may want to casually ask these questions over time as you get to know a spirit, or set up an actual interview where you can ask many questions in one sitting if the spirit is comfortable with that. 

Questions with asterisks are recommended for after you have built a closer relationship with the spirit before asking. Use your own discretion wisely!

Basics & Identity

  • Where do you live?
  • What are you doing in this area?
  • What do you call yourself and other spirits like you?
  • *Do you identify as any well-known classes of spirits like fae, angels, demons, deities, etc. or as something else entirely?
  • *Are spirits like you related to other types of spirits, part of a larger group, or an offshoot or hybrid?
  • *What gender(s) belong to spirits like you and which do you identify as?
  • What’s a typical day like for you?
  • Do you have hobbies or activities you enjoy?
  • How do you feel about humans?

Culture & Society

  • Do you prefer to hang out with other spirits of your type or be alone?
  • Do you or other spirits like you ever fight with each other or other types of spirits?
  • What language(s) or other modes of communication do you use with others of your spirit kind?
  • What is your society like, and how does it differ from human society?
  • What does not make sense to you about human society?
  • *What is your societal structure like, and is there a form of government?
  • *What do your people value and what are their values?
  • *What are the taboos and off-limits activities of your people?
  • *What are offspring of your kind like and do they get raised by their parent(s) or creator(s)?

Spirit Biology

  • What do you eat or consume to survive?
  • What’s the average lifespan for a spirit like you?
  • *How did you come into being?
  • *What sexes belong to your kind, and what is your sex? Is it the same or different to your gender?
  • *How does your kind reproduce if it does?
  • *Can spirits like you reproduce with spirits of a different species?

Questions by Mod Fire, Mod Water, and primcons J and Sapphire. If you use these questions and learn more about a spirit species, consider writing a post to submit to @spiritionary !

Okay my thoughts on the season finale… (as posted in the ABC advisory group)

If this wasn’t Jennifer Morrison’s (as good as) Last episode I would probably be fine with it, another rinse and repeat finale with a one group of people occupied doing one thing in one place while another group is kept busy elsewhere doing something else. It was very like what we’ve seen in the season finales in recent years – very formulaic. And I guess, with so many of the cast members departing and this being touted so heavily as “the final battle” I guess I just expected more. And that’s my mistake; I own that. I’m starting to think that Once Upon a Time is not a show that should be thought about on any level. It is fast food storytelling. You enjoy it at the time but ultimately, it’s not very satisfying and if you think about it too closely you’re likely to feel regret. I think you’re supposed to enjoy the surface level of the show but not concern yourself with the depth. And this is a huge and sad realisation for someone who has watched the show from the beginning and spent the last four seasons writing about and analysing the episodes in depth – sometimes writing thousands of words about one episode. It wasn’t always like this though and it makes me sad.

My biggest problem with the episode was the disconnectedness between the two sides of the story. We see the people transported back to the Enchanted Forest do various things – there’s collapsing worlds, there is a hunt for a bean, Regina is trying to do magic for …reasons. But ultimately nothing that those stuck in the Enchanted Forest does has any purpose whatsoever – it’s mindless busywork to keep them occupied and out of the way. Why didn’t Hook use the bean? Why didn’t he throw it on the ground and create a portal and get back to Emma quickly like Snow told him to? How nice it would have been to get a pay-off on Emma’s brief flashes of memory of her wedding day, Hooks image burning in the book, with him coming through a bean portal and Emma feeling a strange stab of recognition for this man and then them Kissing to restore her memories. Then Emma and Killian would have gotten their TLK! I feel so sad that so many couples got one, some that didn’t really deserve one (Hades and Zelena, I’m looking at you!) except for Emma and her true love. They still could have had their season one inversion of Henry giving Emma a TLK to save her life after the fight with Gideon (even though I think, and I am a mother, it’s really, really weird for a child to give their parent a true love’s kiss.). It would have connected the two parts of the story beautifully and it would have given purpose to the Enchanted Forrest side of the story and just improved the whole episode overall. I can’t help but think the episode would have been more entertaining and more of a parallel to season one if the curse had kept everyone in Storybrooke and robbed them of their memories – Henry still could have been the sole believer (I guess it was the book or his author role that kept him exempt?) and given him more purpose, more people to try to get through to… And maybe Emma wouldn’t have had to do the strange and oddly fast (8hour round trip!) visit to Boston. Ultimately, I felt there was no connection between why it was so important to separate Emma from her family and the realisation that she was never alone and the battle with Gideon and the curse … and yeah.

The Black-fairy was a big anti-climax. I knew she would be. She literally functioned as a Regina-substitute and I can’t help but wonder if, as this was the ending that A&E envisioned from the start, it was supposed to be Regina in the end. It would have made a hell of a lot more sense! I really believe the show was derailed from its purpose with, not by the befriending of Regina as a tactic to defeat her … but that that tactic worked so efficiently and without question. Regina’s redemption felt like a slap-up whitewash and somewhere along the line the writers became too scared to challenge the character. She got away with everything she ever did with no consequence. It’s hardly a satisfying story. Fairy tales are about good versus evil. With good supposed to win after trial and hardship. It’s a shame that Regina was never put through the same trials and challenge that say, Rumple or Hook or even Emma and the Charmings’ were put through. Seeing the dwarves paint “Queen” on her door and bowing to her was sickening. She is not a queen, she is a usurper. At the very least she should have admitted this as part of her “redemption”. The very least. All I could think when there was the shot of her looking at the red apple at the end, was that she must be very pleased with herself. She Won. She won everything. Her evil plans and schemes paid off big time – she’s rich, powerful, she apparently “owns” a town, the people now love her, she has a son, friends and a sister and she never had to pay the price for any of the terrible things she did. It’s not logical to expect people would just ‘get over’ decades of abuse and torment. It’s not fair on the people she hurt. Not to mention that her clone also rides off happily ever after into the sunset? Of all the unnecessary inclusions in the finale the presence of Regina 2.0 was the worst. She dominated and nearly killed the show; I seriously hope that this is the last we see of her. In this new-look season seven, I really hope that they make Henry’s nemesis, whoever that may be, his nemesis. And keep it that way. Don’t make Henry befriend him (or her)! Enmity is a good thing to keep between enemies. It drives a story, it gives purpose – it gives the audience someone to root for. And as ironic as this sounds – it doesn’t divide. People may love a villain but they love them for being a villain and they love the hero for standing up to them. It makes a much better story than making your protagonist sweep the past under the carpet, and put their blinkers on about every questionable thing that their nemesis is doing. And don’t turn Henry’s archenemy into a sainted Mary-sue (or Bobby-Stu) who is annoying and sanctimonious while at the same time being self-centred and selfish and boring and rendering themselves superfluous to the point where every appearance in the story feels like a shoehorn…

The ending of the episode was nice, but a bit twee. Everyone got a happy ending. Yay. I guess. Whether they deserved it or not. Belle, why wouldn’t you have taken that newly babyfied Gideon and run for the hills? I liked that Rumple did the right thing in the end but it was too little too late for that marriage – and with Belle not coming back next season, surely a melancholy bittersweet parting of the ways would have been more appropriate for them? As it is, it feels very much like all these Happy Beginnings that have been gifted to everyone are going to be ripped out from under us with the departing characters. Its’ inevitable. I will be incredibly sad if Emma Swan is killed off to move the story forward. But I won’t be surprised. I’m not sure the writers gave us enough of a hook to pique our interest with the duplication of the original story at the end… the show felt very much done. I felt a sense of relief that it’s over. That I can finally stop thinking about and worrying about these characters. Before the finale, I was fully intending to keep watching – I like Colin O’Donoghue and the Character of Killian Jones so I am predisposed to continue…. But that ending, it made me feel a sense of ambivalence. I’m not sure I can be bothered re-investing without the guarantee of a decent return. If Emma was back, I would be back. No doubt. But with how I’m feeling at the moment, there will have to be some very interesting information released over the hiatus to get me back and they will have to tell us something, some crumbs, instead of this nonsensical evasive “wait and see” discourse.

anonymous asked:

Why do you think Jon Fossoway was married to Janna Tyrell when the Green Fossoways are a knightly house? I understand that some knightly houses can be really powerful, but why not marry a Tyrell off to a powerful lordly house of the Reach, or elsewhere?

Well, for one, as I’ve talked about before, it’s not necessarily the case that every daughter of a noble House - even a House as great as House Tyrell - marries a lord or heir of equal standing. The reasons for not doing so may be different in every case, but it’s certainly not unknown for a daughter of a paramount House to marry someone of “lesser” dynastic status. Maybe there were no great lords or heirs available at the time Janna was marrying - because they were already married, or because they were betrothed already, or because they had heirs already and her children would be lower in the lordly succession. It could be any of these, or another reason entirely.

Still, I wouldn’t say that the head of House Fossoway of New Barrel is a particularly bad match for a daughter of Lord Tyrell. For one, of course, it’s natural for lieges’ daughters to marry their fathers’ vassals; the green-apple Fossoways might be “only” landed knights, but they are still sworn directly to Highgarden, and might expect the same sort of favor-marrying as any of their neighbors. Too, I wonder how strong House Fossoway of New Barrel is: landed knights can be as strong, or even stronger, than some of their lordly neighbors - “lords in all but name” - and if the green-apple Fossoways were richly rewarded in the aftermath of the Third and/or Fourth Blackfyre Rebellion (by a grateful Prince Aegon/Aegon V, perhaps, who of course had reason to think well of Ser Raymun Fossoway), they might be an eminent power in the Reach, more than appropriate as a marital choice for a Tyrell of Highgarden. Finally, I wonder whether this marriage was not in some part a shoring up of relations between the Tyrells and the Fossoways in the aftermath of the War of the Ninepenny Kings: with Ser Derrick Fossoway being one of the infamous Band of Nine, the Tyrells might have wanted to make sure that the Fossoways were firmly supportive of Highgarden and its pro-crown lords. Ser Jon Fossoway was the head of this possibly strong if “only” landed knightly House, had the Fossoway name (and, through that, descent from the mythical reacher hero Foss the Archer), and might have seemed a politically sound choice. 

anonymous asked:

I have a request for akira/kawakami really loved her in the game was thinking with there relationship was wanting some foot fetish fun with kawakami being reluctant but after he starts pleasuring her she begins to like it especially during school it's relaxin sorry if it's s bit out there just wanted to see her here some love

Title: One Step, Two Step

Prompt: ^

Pairing: Kawakami/Akira

Note: I hope this is to your liking, anon? If not, feel free to ask me to change it! *sweats*

By: Admin 


As a teacher, Kawakami had experienced many things. School was a center of social interactions with, surprisingly, little filter. Teacher’s badmouthed one another, students pulled dangerous pranks, restrooms were dens of iniquity – the only difference between Shujin and any other school was the principal had a knack for covering things up before anyone noticed.

However, not even her past ten years of teaching could have prepared her for the question Akira threw at her Sunday night.

“You… want to what?” she said, in what came off inadvertently as sounding affronted, but luckily Akira knew her well. Perhaps a tad too well, she frowned, when she realized his fingers were already ghosting just the right area below her heel.  A thin but dark line was painted all-round the sides of her foot, where her shoes had cut-off, and the muscles on the underside of the line were stiff and burdened. “I saw it in a TV show,” Akira said.

Kawakami uneasily looked down at him. “Er, Kurusu-kun, just what kind of shows are you watching?”

Akira’s smirked simply twinkled in her eyes.

He looked back down at her foot, and Kawakami would be lying if she said it didn’t look unappealing, frankly, how he seemed to gaze fondly at it. She shifted in her chair, but Akira sat still as a monk on the floor.

She had no problems with skinship – in private, at least – but there was something just… alien about having her significant other massaging her foot. They took off their shoes at the genkan in Japan for a reason, and this felt as wrong as putting her feet on a pillow.

And. Yet. Akira seemed to be enjoying it?

Is he even Japanese?

“…Do you secretly have a foot fetish, Kurusu-kun?”

“If I do, it’s only for you. And it wouldn’t be a secret anymore,” he said. Kawakami bristled. She should’ve thought he was just teasing her, with the mischievous spark in his voice and the way his eyes crinkled at their corners. She should have taken it as him having some fun at her expense, however—

–with the way his hands shook slightly, she couldn’t do that. Like he did, as his fingers trailed along her sole like it was a piece he had carved himself, or, in a more common manner, how he always seemed to know when she needed soothing words or instigating ones…

…she knew him too well to be fooled by this act. He couldn’t hide behind his Phantom Thieves persona or his glasses; not with her.

Kawakami sighed, making Akira look up at her cautiously. Before he could open his mouth, however, something landed on his head and thrifted through his locks. She saw Akira blink. “I’m the adult here, y’know. It’s my job to take care of you.”

“…So?” Akira spoke, suddenly soft. He hid face by looking down. “Who’s going to take care of you then? I love you, so stuff like that doesn’t matter.”

This-this kid… What is he? Jane Austen?

“You looked really stressed during exams,” Akira said when she didn’t respond in time. “And it can’t be comfortable walking in those heels all day, so I thought…” he sounded uncharacteristically unsure of himself, yet didn’t remove his hold over her foot.

Kawakami couldn’t keep the red off her cheeks any longer. She loved the way he was so confident, but not borderline cocky. If he was acting like it, sure, but when it came to helping others, he respected their boundaries more than his own ego. “Well… it’s not that I don’t like it,” she said slowly. “I guess, it’s just, I’m not used to it? Especially since you’re my student and master and all…” she knew that line sounded off, but blamed it all on the gentle caresses blessing her foot.

Suddenly, however, Akira stopped. “So then… I just have to get you used to it?”

Oh. Oh no. That grin was back on his face again.

“That is so not what I said.”

“But you’re not rejecting the idea, are you?” he asked.

To be honest, Kawakami wasn’t exactly into the prospect – but she wasn’t exactly against it, either. The notion would have never come to her on its own, and even if it had, she certainly wouldn’t have let anything come of it, but…

…she looked at Akira one final time, and the only answer he got was Kawakami reluctantly letting her foot go limp in his hands.

Needless to say, their new practice wasn’t one that started abruptly and ended much the same. In the time that followed, Kawakami found herself coerced into receiving foot massages any time Akira seemed to think she was stressed. It was awkward and weird, at first, Kawakami not exactly sure whether it was appropriate or not to look at Akira as he worked or if it would come off as dismissive if she stared at a wall. Eventually, however, the woman came to enjoy their small sessions.

“You’re don’t look as upset as you usually do,” Akira commented with a smirk.

“I’m never upset with this, just…”

“I know, I know. You’re not used to it. But you have to admit, you’re beginning to enjoy it, yeah?”

“…I wouldn’t say that.”

“Y’know lying’s a sin, sensei.”

There came a point she was comfortable enough tell him to do certain techniques; he wasn’t a mind reader, after all, but most of the time Akira knew what areas to push, or knead, or outright avoid. He had deviously skilled hands, most likely from his occupation, and it only left Kawakami in awe and pleasure.

After time had passed, her feelings of reluctance completely vanished. So much so, in fact, there were times she and Akira snuck into an empty classroom or broom closet just to do some footsies.

Ha. Footsies.

(Kawakami was low-key worried this was somehow affecting her maturity.)

Ah,” she mumbled, “lower, just a tiny bi—yeeesss…”

Akira chuckled, flicking his eyes up at her for the smallest of seconds before his lips suddenly closed over two of her toes. Kawakami, in bliss but still startled, blinked. “Um, do you know how unhygienic that is??”

“Po?” he said. “Fit’s jusd loo po I dond cabe.” Translation: So? It’s just you so I don’t care. Kawakami opened her mouth to object, but when he applied his nails in a long trail over her underside and a tongue darted between her toes, the words died like drowned out music. Her eyes became lidded and she unconsciously latched a hand in Akira’s hair.

The pleasure she felt wasn’t anything like what she achieved from sex, surprisingly; you would think they were the same, from how blissed out one could get, but this felt more like all her muscles relaxing and ascending to heaven – any pain or lingering feelings whatsoever in her heels or toes would vanish, and she could fall right then and there asleep, if she ever forgot to keep herself awake. If humans could purr, she’d wake the entire neighborhood.

Prestige Class Spotlight 6: Enchanting Courtesan

Subtle magics and intrigue go together like white chocolate and smashed-up cookies, and it’s no surprise that some mages specializing in both divination and enchantment would take their talents into high society.

These are the classical magical seducers of fiction, the courtly villain or antihero that uses their wiles and magic to learn information and gain favors. Wherever you see a figure in court with slightly more revealing clothing than normal, a sultry spell on their lips, and a gaze that seems to look right through you, it’s a good possibility they might be an enchanting courtesan or a similar spellcaster. That, or they are a succubus or similar monster.

Of course, don’t assume that these mages have to be female, the official art depicts what appears to be an androgynous or gender-nonconforming figure. Furthermore, these mystical seducers may be working on their own, or for wider organizations, either way, their subtlety knows no bounds, and even when they reveal secrets, it is always disseminated through other sources so that they save face in court, avoiding the consequences of most of their exploits.

The only major requirement of this class is that would-be courtesan’s have access to both enchantment and divination spells, and be powerful enough to cast a few beyond the most basic, which leaves it open to all but the most militant casting classes, which likely would not be interested anyway.

While others may indeed suspect that these rakes can cast spells, they are not foolish enough to elicit suspicion and distrust by openly casting their magic in places where such things are frowned upon. Instead, they learn to be more subtle, hiding their gestures and words behind seemingly innocuous acts, though a keen eye might see through this façade.

They can also use their own bodies as the conduit to cast enchantment spells when making willing contact with another, such as through a kiss or a more erotic gesture, and the distracting nature of said act makes it hard to focus on identifying or even noticing the magic.

Being an enchanting courtesan means keeping in the know, and thanks to their network of informants, they can learn much about individuals, groups, and relationships. Furthermore, they can gain advice on the debating techniques of others, granting them an edge in battles of words and wit.

Sometimes words, magic, and the like fail, and you need to use more deadly means. Thus, they also learn how to apply and utilize poisons against their foes.

Deft of words and fingers, these court lurkers are experts at the subtle arts. Whats more, they are adept at reading the desires of others, and are quite capable of using that to wile their way around others in close proximity, seducing with ease, not to mention using that seduction to their advantage, stealing or planting items, or just outright coaxing their mark to be allies.

In the same way a rogue might strike at unaware foes, these mages worm their spells in past the defenses of those who are not aware they are being cast upon, either because the courtesan is hidden, presumed to be an ally, or flanking them.

Though not true alchemists unless coming from such a background, they know the secrets of altering poisons, finding ways to deliver them in surprising ways.

Furthermore, they learn how to effectively wield contact poisons in close quarters, soaking a cloth, or just splashing their target with it.

A sly grope can be all the distraction they need to get away with a hostile action, making it so that their victim does not immediately notice that the rake attempted to use magic or poison on them.

With each new settlement they enter, they also start developing a string of contacts that make it so very easy to spread rumors and gather intel.

The wandering hands of these courtesans can be so intense that they can overwhelm the defenses of those who they target with magical touches or poisons.

Finally, that touch becomes so powerful the euphoria can leave their victim staggered or even paralyzed for a few moments.

Looking for a way to mix roguish social interaction with magic? This prestige class can be a useful clincher there. Of course, be sure to check whether or not the prestige class would be appropriate for the game, both in terms of intrigue content and for the sexually charged nature of its abilities. Obviously they work best as part of any enchanting and divining build.

I shouldn’t need to say this, but with such a seduction-based prestige class, it bears saying that no, not every one of these touch-based abilities is a grope, they could be any number of sensual actions. Furthermore, you, either as player or GM, should strive for a maturity level appropriate for your group when choosing to include this option.

 

Eerie and aloof, Epsa is adept at using her exotic status in court to her advantage, the syrinx having freedom to do as she pleases due to the sheer novelty of having such a serene and beautiful being among them. However, the nobility clearly underestimate her, and she plots to unravel the entire kingdom, one sultry whisper at a time.

The Party’s patron suddenly becomes distant to them, spending less time consulting them and more in the company of a mysterious, devilishly handsome young man. Is it merely a distracting relationship, or signs that something more sinister is at foot? Either way, the party will likely need to help re-center their patron’s priorities.

The leanan sidhe known only as Bird of Paradise has grown bored with the artists and dull courtly intrigue of the city she has infiltrated, and now seeks one final work of art, the city’s ruin. Compelling and seducing her collection of courtesan servants, she seeks to enact a ritual by tricking the various magic users of the city, opening up a gate to the fey realms where she knows a swarm of giant locusts will soon pass through, devouring all in their path.

A writer's tip: Physical Description

Greetings, fellow writers! Today we’re going to discuss the DOs and DO NOTs for character description. Specifically, we’ll look at the appropriate time and reasons for describing his/her/its appearance.

Just a note: it is always a good idea, regardless of whether or not you write it in to the story, to know what your characters look like. So, please make sure you have that knowledge. Now, on to what you should and shouldn’t do with that information…

—————————————————-

You SHOULD write about how the character looks if…

  • the description drives the plot. For example, there’s Harry Potter’s scar, which is a vital part of the series.
  • it quickly identifies them. If you have a ton of characters you’re working with, constantly mentioning a key piece of their identity helps differentiate them from the rest. An example would be from The Hunger Games. We can differentiate President Snow from the rest because of his roses, or his snakelike features. (not to mention his overall creepiness, but let’s focus on his physical characteristics)
  • there is symbolism in their physical looks. TREAD CAREFULLY HERE. Symbolism requires some level of mastery, so you’d better know what you’re doing here. However, if you are the Ruler of Symbols, then be my guest. Describe away!

—————————————————-

You SHOULD NOT write about how a character looks if…

  • it adds nothing to the story. If your character could make it through the story with either green or blue eyes, then the color of their eyes evidently doesn’t matter. So don’t mention it.
  • it takes too much time. Three paragraphs later, and your readers are tired of listening to your lecture about how their eyes were blue with slight shimmers of green, reminiscent of the sea on a calm Tuesday afternoon, but with small sprinklings of golden rain on the otherwise pristine waters… yada yada I’m bored. If there’s no deep meaning to their eye color, then quit pursuing the subject.
  • it adds nothing to the story. Yes, I already said this one. But I’m saying it again. If you will do absolutely nothing with this description in the story, then DON’T MENTION IT.

So, there you go. We now have some ground rules. If you have questions, please ask. 

Happy Writing!

Zac Walker

inthegloss  asked:

i feel like the more i try to remember an event (when i'm trying to judge whether i acted appropriately) the less i can actually remember what happened. i can only remember my reaction/ emotions. it's exacerbated especially when it comes to interpersonal stuff, and i'm wondering what it is/ what to do about it. (i'm pretty sure it's not because i was disassociating in the moment but also ????)

This is quite a common experience for people with BPD, so please don’t think it’s something strange.

Our emotional memories are much stronger than an average persons, plus our emotions are so intense that after a conflict, often the only thing we can remember is how we felt about it.  Not what prompted or triggered it, not what was said or done in the moment, only how you’ve responded and how you feel after the fact.  Honestly, that’s because of our short emotional memory.  You are likely trying to figure out what happened with your Emotion Mind, which is why you can distinctly remember your feelings and reactions, but not whether your behaviour was appropriate.

Now, there are things you can do to try and keep yourself “in the moment” or bring us “back” to a moment, and in a thing that in DBT is called “Wise Mind”.  Wise Mind is the space between your Emotion Mind (where facts and logic don’t matter, you’re ruled by your feelings) and Logic mind (where emotions and values don’t matter, and you’re ruled by reason)  Wise Mind sits between these two, like a middle of a Venn Diagram.  Wise Mind is a harmonization of Logic and Emotion Mind, because ultimately both facts AND emotions matter to us when we make decisions and get into conflicts.

It’s hard for me to describe accessing your Wise Mind. When your in your Emotion Mind, what basically happens is that you try to move yourself into Logic Mind, and then turn around and come back and stop at Wise Mind (if you’re looking at a Venn Diagram to understand this).  When you move through Logic Mind, that you’ve had to put aside your emotions to access, you then start to reintroduce those feelings you have, preferably at a calmer intensity, so that you wisely know both the facts of a situation, and how that situation is making you feel.

Some people think of their Wise Mind as a room deep within their core, or a room that can only be reached by walking up a grand spiral staircase.  Wise Mind inhabits what most people would call their “Happy Place” within themselves.  So you have to figure out what works best for you.

But staying in Wise Mind during conflicts should enable you to retain most of your memories of what happened.

But what if you’re too overwhelmed by what’s happening to really understand or remember what’s happening?

Then during the encounter, you would really need to use the “What” Skills for Mindfulness (there are also “How” skills but adding them might complicate things, even though they say you can’t do the “What” without the “How”).

The “What” Skills for Mindfulness are:

  • Observe:  Observe what is happening to you, around you, what your senses are experiencing.  This helps you stay connected to the moment.  Don’t judge what you observe, and don’t put words to your observances just yet.
  • Describe: then describe what you observe, as well as describe what’s going on in the most neutral, non-judgemental way possible.  This can help you remember what happened during the encounter.
  • Participate: Participate means throwing yourself whole-heartedly into what you’re doing at that moment, and that includes conflicts.  That doesn’t mean become more aggressive, that means become more present, really listen to what the other person is saying.  This means no mentally “checking out” when emotions start to run high.  Do this one-mindfully, which means focusing all of your attention on this thing.  This is yet another skill that can help people retain their memories, particularly of interpersonal encounters.

The “How” Skills are basically already included in there since they are:

  • Non-Judgmentally
  • One-mindful
  • Effective

Effective is the only one I didn’t cover and I’m going to explain it now.  An action or behaviour or thought is either effective or ineffective.  Effective thoughts/actions/behaviours get your closer to your goal.  That means doing the thing you need to do in the situation you are in.  That’s being effective.  Sometimes being effective is walking away from conflict. “Effective” is totally subjective because it depends on what your goals for an encounter are.  Obviously the over-arching goal should be to make your life better, and all your bevhaviours and interactions should be working towards that end, but that doesn’t have to be your sole focus. 

For example, your boss at work wants you to do something that you’re not comfortable with and would involve you working a double shift when you have important plans with your family.  You could use Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills (which I swear I’ll cover one day) to successfully say no to what he is asking. And if you get him to agree, by using your skills, that is being effective.

If you try to use all the skills here now or in your next interpersonal conflict, it will be the “Effective” skill that will help you recognize whether your behaviour was appropriate or not.  You’re not going to be able to be effective every time, and other people may prevent you from being effective, AND you can still have acted effectively even if you don’t get the outcome you had hoped for.

You, personally, might also benefit from a post explaining the various Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills.  Originally I was going to start with Mindfulness, then Distress Tolerance, THEN Interpersonal Effectiveness, but I feel like since we haven’t covered IE at all yet, I’ll probably move up it. 

TL;DR: This post is all about using Mindfulness skills from DBT to be able to retain our memories during and after emotionally charged moments, and to help us determine whether we behaved in a way that was “effective”–as in, helped us achieve our goals for the interaction.  (If you want to read how to apply these skills, I suggest you read the whole post, or the parts that are relevant to you.)

-Pandora

@bucketofchum replied to your post: Debating on whether to play more into Felicity’s…

Ohhh??? Very interested what you have in mind

The thing on my mind right now is hair texture, tbh. Right now, it’s pretty much 100% like, flatiron straight. It looks “sleek,” but I’m not sure if it’s best. Knowing her, she might want it to be poofier so it’s bigger? 

Eyes too; they’re turquoise originally. Not sure how attached to that I am; brown seems to suit her better. I’m tempted to go like, real nerdy about it and maybe do the heterochromia thing. Maybe have her hair swept over one of them or–even more dramatic!–an eyepatch. I actually think that was part of the very first versions of her I came up with. 

Like I said, still considering. ^^’

Why it's bad when a convention doesn't treat its artists appropriately
So I know some of the folks who were appearing at Dash Con. Looking at the discussion about that fiasco, it seems like some people out there don’t entirely understand why the guests of the show were so upset at having been saddled with the cost of their travel and hotel, and I think that should be clarified for people who aren’t working artists and don’t necessarily understand what that kind of work entails.

To begin with, Dash Con entered into an agreement with the guests to pay for the expense of their appearances. This is standard procedure for convention appearances and one should be wary of shows that want you to appear as a guest but are dodgy about paying for room, board, and transportation. By failing to pay for the hotel rooms (leaving the guests saddled with that surprise expense), Dash Con violated its agreement. That in itself is ample cause for outrage and justifies seeking appropriate action.

But even more than the issue of a broken agreement, these are working artists we are talking about, and though people often forget it, working artists generally don’t make a lot of money. Sure, for the very successful, the upward potential of artistic income can be very high, but most of us aren’t there right now and we’re still working very hard to make enough money to keep doing our art full-time. When an artist (whether graphic artist, musician, author, etc) appears at a convention, they are providing that event with the content (panels, tables, signings, concerts) that all the wonderful attendees are coming to see. They’re taking time away from work (which in the end costs them money in income they don’t make), but they do it to make their fans happy and to show their work to new people. But if the event turns around and then leaves them stuck with the cost of their own hotel rooms or travel expenses, the artists are suddenly out even more money that they didn’t have a lot of to begin with.

It’s important to remember that no matter how famous an artist is, no matter how dedicated their fans, no matter how well known their work, chances are they’re still just getting by financially. No one becomes an artist to get rich. They become an artist because their art is a fundamental part of them and what they want more than anything is to be able to keep making their art (while also eating food, sleeping in a bed, and having a roof over their head). This is why artists expect to have their expenses covered when they appear somewhere, this is why artists need the support of dedicated fans, and this is why Dash Con’s behavior toward its guests is so abhorrent. Not only was it wrong, but it placed an unfair burden on people who can’t afford it when those same people were the very reason why anyone came to the con in the first place.

5

For another 18th.

For the most part of their time as partners and friends they had no opportunity or freedom to promise things to each other that would bind them and give them hope that it could continue at a different level, and they would one day be free to live their dream. They were so cautious when they said things to each other, not being able or feeling the right to reveal more than was appropriate or safe, they knew anything they’d build could be taken away from them in a split second. Moreover, none of them was entirely sure about how the other felt or whether their love was reciprocated.

With RJ dead and them getting together, they feel more freedom to hope and dream and look into their future. And though there still are things that they can’t influence, and life may still impose its rules of the game on them, they are free and live their love to the full, they feel they are supported by each other, and this is not going away. It’s beautiful to see the eagerness with which they make their promises and pronounce their vows, the certainty and trust that there is in them, a moment full of light and anticipation of what the future is about to bring them, unimaginable at the beginning of the show.

youtube.com
Youtube video fat shames women.

My friend linked me to a youtube video of a woman getting on men for praising “thick” women that aren’t really thick, just fat. Trigger warning for all sorts of fat shaming and concern trolling in the video and comments.

Normally I wouldn’t engage with such a shit person but she’s actually used a photo of me as an example of fat people at about 3:04. I’ve already left a comment about it and I’m not sure whether there’s anything I can do to get the video removed but at least I can call on support from other bloggers to call her out in the comments until she responds appropriately.

Please boost this post. If you have a youtube account, please let her know that her hateful video is not only unappreciated for its purpose but that it’s fucked up to use the creative work of random people.

satanies-deactivated20170204  asked:

I feel so weirded out by the whole bindi thing, on one hand I do understand that it's cultural appropriation and I can't wear it (which obviously isn't any issue at all), but on the other hand there's people telling me that it's entirely okay and that bindi's are mostly for decorative fashion now anyways. I still won't wear it because I'm not sure, but I'm also so confused as to whether it's okay or not and if ALL facial gems are considered bad or not, y'know?

Cultural appropriation isn’t about whether any particular Indian person (in this example) finds is personally offensive to see a white person wearing a bindi.

The bindi is a symbol of Indian culture. White people colonized India as part of an imperialist agenda. White people profited off of Indian labor and resources. They appropriated from that culture what they wanted and repackaged it for their own use, all the while oppressing the people those things of value actually belonged to. 

So when white people today wear bindis, they are continuing the imperialist tradition of cultural appropriation. It doesn’t matter if the cultural significance of bindis have changed over the decades. Our imperialist history has not changed, and that’s what matters. 

Thoughts on the Hanukah Armadillo Episode of Friends

So I saw that “Hanukah Armadillo” episode of Friends and it kind of hurt to watch and not so much in a “this was a really bad episode” kind of way, but in a “they touched a nerve I’m not sure they intended to touch” kind of way. I died a little inside whenever Ben tried to change the subject from the Maccabees to Santa. It’s weird that a show that went to such lengths to be vague about its Jewish characters’ Jewish lives would come out with an episode like this so late in its run. 

My wife is a convert, so our kids won’t be raised celebrating both Christmas and Chanukah, even though their maternal grandparents will celebrate Christmas. We had conversations on whether or not it would be appropriate for our kids to visit their grandparents on Christmas because I was concerned it would confuse them, even if the Christmas they celebrate is largely secularized. We agreed that it was OK to see their grandparents on Christmas, but we would have no Christmas decorations in our home and wouldn’t celebrate away from my in-laws. My wife once joked that my family’s Peking Duck and a movie tradition is more religious than her family’s Christmas and, based on the one time I was actually at her family’s house for Christmas, I can’t say she’s entirely wrong.

Still, Christmas can be a misery for Jews. It’s like the world, even the well-meaning secular world, can suddenly decide that it’s going to celebrate NOT BEING YOU for an ever expanding stretch of time (thanks to all those Christmas, excuse me, holiday sales creeping ever earlier on the calendar) while simultaneously celebrating some Jewish guy’s birthday. Chanukah has consequentially become something of a battleground for Jewish continuity in the American diaspora, taking on a cultural importance it isn’t due because of the time of year. Outside of Rugrats and Curb Your Enthusiasm, I’m hard pressed to think of a popular American TV show that shows a Jewish holiday that isn’t Chanukah. 

I give the show some credit for highlighting this phenomenon. But it did so after South Park’s Lonely Jew on Christmas bit by several years. It did so after Seinfeld’s entire run. It highlighted a real phenomenon, but it should’ve been one that colored Ross and Monica’s entire lives, not just this isolated episode amidst a sea of erasure. It felt like a late admission that the show was burying a portion of two of its most important characters’ lives and, in this case, only really dealt with it briefly in Ross’s. 

in relation 2 the callout post (im sure we all know which one lmao):

- identifying with/as a japanese character, or using a japanese name, is Not Racist. as a tired poc (japanese/chinese mix), i can just say. its . not . racist . as long as you [white people] understand and accept the fact that you will Not be able to identify with the characters on the racism we face. otherwise, using a japanese name/being kin w a japanese character Isnt Racist Or Culturally Appropriative.

- “daddy kink jokes” the person who makes the jokes is a csa victim so i think they have the say over you whether or not to make such jokes. ok. bye

Why do people still put so much faith in the notion that consumers will be responsible? When you’re buying a new blouse for work, is the first thought going through your head the conditions in which this article of clothing was created or the ideology it reproduces (whether it’s appropriative or not, etc.), or are you more focused on how it looks, its color, whether or not you can afford it, what the boss will think of it, its symbolic value, and so on? See what I mean?

Sure, I don’t want men consuming porn, but such a thing needs to go further than just telling them to stop and thinking they’ll do so. That’s why we take action against the sex industry by multiple means.

Consumers are often times put in scenarios where they can’t think rationally or ethically. Just walk into a mall and you’ll more than likely be overwhelmed by all the psychological stuff like the sights, sounds, smells, and symbols. Even when I work on-and-off in retail, I see way too many people willing to buy crap on a whim without taking the time to think about it. That’s the power of advertising and the way commodities have come to symbolize things beyond their function.