not sure if that is good or bad

Puns.  Jokes.  Dad Jokes if you have them.  Please yes puns.  Send them all to me.  All the puns.

My parents felt bad about my pending unemployment and sent me money.  Even though I’m technically not unemployed for at least another week (next week looks good too), I’m taking the money because… Because.  In exchange they want puns and jokes and for me (at least) to laugh hysterically.  Help me out here people.  I know you have horrible jokes and puns.  Please, help me pay a debt that should never never have happened.

Hey @copperbadge, I’m sure you can help.  Thanks.

Vocal Rest

A/N: Just so you know, this was such a good idea, but I kind of cringed writing this. Damn I love smut but its so damn hard to write. I applaud smut blogs!! aha! But I’m honestly so bad at smut, so I didn’t go full on detail, but I tried my best :) xox

Word Count: 832

Warnings: Slight smut, Swearing

Shawn hadn’t stopped following you all day. You were sure that he just wanted sympathy for being ill, but the doctor gave strict instructions, and he needed to follow them.

“Shawn, what do you want?” You sigh, as he places his head in your lap. Your hand makes its way into his curly mop, and he sighs deeply. “It’s hard work right? Not being able to talk all day” you joke, watching as he turned around to face you. His lips pout together and you lean down to kiss him, knowing he is feeling sorry for himself. You place you’re eyes back on the TV in front of you, continuing what you were doing before Shawn interrupted you.

About 10 minutes later, Shawn stops fidgeting and you decided that he’s maybe fallen asleep, until you feel his hand creep up your thigh. You ignore him, knowing he’s probably just bored, but his fingers keep on moving around, making your breath hitch slightly.

“Shawn, what do you think you’re doing?” You ask, placing your hand on top of his. He ignores you, partly because he can’t respond, but mainly because he wanted to piss you off. His fingers tangle with yours, until he moves them up your arm. “Shawn?” You repeat, watching as his fingers trace your skin. You pull yourself from under him and turn to face him, watching as his smug grin grows. “What?” You ask.

He pulls out his phone, typing presumably what you thought was what he wanted to say. He sends you a text that simply reads, ‘sex?’ And you feel a laugh escape your lips.

“No!” You yelp, secretly really wanting to agree. His smug suddenly disappears and he throws his head back, mumbling something inaudible. You lean forwards, placing your hands on his thighs, trying your best to wind him up. His head shoots back to face you, his eyes watching your lips intensely. “You are on vocal rest my darling” You whisper against his lips. You hover there for a few moments before kissing his rosy cheek. “And that means you must be silent.” You move your lips to his jaw, slowly nipping at his soft skin by his neck. His head falls down onto your shoulder and his hands find their way to your hips.

“Please” he whispers desperately, his hands now sliding under my shirt. You couldn’t say no. He was to easy to give in to. You pull away and look into his eyes, as they search desperately for an answer in yours.

“I suppose” You grin, watching his smile grow bigger than you could possibly imagine.

He pressed lips against yours desperately. You lean into him, forcing him to lie backwards, cupping his cheeks. His hands are fumbling around your body, searching desperately for your button at the top of your jeans.

Eventually, he manages to remove your jeans, so you decide to do the same. You move yourself so you can remove his skin-tight jeans, pulling them down painfully; If Shawn wasn’t allowed to speak, you were going to make this hell for him.

You slowly start to place your hand over his boxers, making his head roll backwards. You take this opportunity to kiss his jawline, still palming him slowly. He places his head on your shoulder and mumbles something incoherent. You stop suddenly, pulling away.

“What happened to not being allowed to talk?” You smirk, watching his red face crease into a frown. He looks as if you have just taken a puppy off him; his eyes wide and desperate. You carry on, being as slow as possible. Shawn was doing an alright job at keeping quite, just constant shaky breaths and sighing. You would be lying if you said that you weren’t absolutely loving this. Seeing Shawn struggling to keep himself held together was not only funny to watch, but was actually very, very hot.

You can tell that he wants to make some form of noise, but he knew that if he did, you would stop straight away. His plump bottom lip was being help painfully tight by his teeth, looking red and sore. You place your lips on his, stopping him before he actually started biting through them.

'You’re doing so well baby" You whisper against his mouth, knowing that sooner or later he would be thrown over the edge; whether it was the magic that your hand was working, the small talk you were making, or the built up fustration he had boiling up inside.

After a few more moments his head is thrown backwards, his mouth parted slightly. You knew any moment know that he was bound to make a noise whilst orgasming.

“Fuck I can’t do this anymore baby” He croaks, coming completely undone by your touch. You smile to yourself, finishing off.

You lean forwards and kiss his blotchy checks, making his eyes flutter close.

“I love you so much” He mumbles, relaxing against the sofa.

“Shhh, you’ve said enough for today” You respond, resting your head against his heaving chest.

anonymous asked:

my gf has anxiety & depression & self-esteem issues and i'm constantly having to reassure her about things. she's always saying things like "i'm the worst you should just talk to your other friends" and generally being very self deprecating and often makes me feel bad for having other friendships (w ppl i actually don't talk to that much). i'm not sure how to feel about it bc she's a good person with reason to have doubts but i just worry about being manipulated and hurt again.

having anxiety, depression, ect. is one thing and it’s good on you to always be reassuring. but being manipulative is not okay. you should be allowed to have support and comfort outside of your romantic relationship. explain this to your girlfriend and reassure her that you’re not replacing her in any way, but that it’s healthy to have friendships.

please please please anon, stay safe. i dont want you to get hurt.

-mod cyan

anonymous asked:

As an Australian if i was ever in a situation where i was in an armed robbery and the gun ended up in my hands i would not know what to do. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

confession: i’ve never gone on a killing spree in a Bethesda game. people always talk about how sometimes in Skyrim they’ll save and then kill everyone in whiterun and then reload but i’ve never done that… it makes me feel too bad? i’m sure it’s a good time ™ and therapeutic for people but it makes me have a morality crisis to hurt good video game characters

tbh i get why people hate modern unions but like why are some people opposed to the very concept itself

like uhhhhhhh sorry workers don’t wanna get mistreated so form a union to protect themselves

sure nowadays unions are marxist trash but like the idea is pretty good but some libertarians see it as a bad thing

Everyone’s talking about how toxic the fandom is...

But they’re missing the bigger picture. When the leak happened, it was only one fan who made us look bad by trying to blackmail the studio. Just one. You know what everyone else was doing? They were pulling together, trying to purge Tumblr of the leaks. By the time I came online that day, I had no idea what anyone was talking about because the leaks were pretty much gone. That’s how quickly this fandom pulled together.

Sure, we’ve got problems – mainly the endless (and pointless) ship wars – but, at the end of the day, this fandom is made up of fundamentally good people. When it matters, we can work together just fine.

OMG YOU GUYS. I realized I was tagged in the handwriting tag by @lu-cien and I never did it! My bad Luna!!

Lol I wanted to make sure I wrote how I normally do and to not try and make it look nice so, yikes.

I can’t remember who’s done this so I’ll tag @feysandsmut @aqueenpromised @catastrophicallyinlovewithbooks (if you’ve done it just ignore me, my memory sucks)


Requested by anonymous

“You’re not a dancer?” You questioned Hannah who sighed in response.

“No I like to dance. I’m just not a good dancer” she confessed.

“I seriously doubt that” you said, taking the girl’s hand. You proceeded to pull her close to your chest.
“Come on. Let’s see what you got”.

Hannah but her lip then eventually started to move her body. You helped her out a bit sure but she wasn’t as bad as she said she was. Soon you two were full on dancing with each other and having a good time. Dancing truly did solve everything.


anonymous asked:

How would asahi, tanaka, and oikawa comfort their S/O who is sick and stressed and very low on energy but still has a lot to do? finals are next week and i need some comfort bc i've been sick for, like, ever

Asahi: He makes sure to send plenty of motivational texts and reminders to have some rest and healthy snacks. Obviously he can’t talk them out of doing more, but he makes sure that they sleep enough and have food, even making lunch for them because they don’t have time to do so.

Tanaka: He hates that you’re so busy because you’re so stressed out you can’t sleep right. So he looks up teas and food to promote good sleep and sends them all to you. Normally he’d tell you off for not taking care of yourself but because that would just make you feel bad this time, he just urges you to take breaks and will make sure you eat right.

Oikawa: He’s used to overworking himself, but he’ll die before he allows you to collapse from the stress. He carries your bags for you, sends you texts to make you take breaks and will give you gifts of drinks and energy bars. He also asks how you’re sleeping and how you’re feeling so often you have to tell him to back off. He means well but he gets a little overbearing.

anonymous asked:

is it common to want to do drugs when youre mentally ill? lately ive been wanting to do them and i even got my hands on some and they make me feel Good theyre a good distraction from everything but i feel so guilty. its like i came so far ajd im walking backwards back into rockbottom again (im already in rock bottom tho? no therapy? bad docs? yeha)

im not sure angel im sorry. maybe my followers can help💗

anamaria8125  asked:

What song do you think can be good for the opening of tokyo ghoul season 3?I think Flashback by Akiakane can be a good one! Sorry for my bad English

your english is very impressive, no worries! regarding a song… ahhh, if i’m being honest??? i wouldn’t want a season 3, but rather a complete reboot or something. ;_; anyways, i don’t believe anything could beat unravel… it was THAT good…

BUUUT if i were to choose, it’d be overfly by luna haruna.  ❤️❤️

I reach out my hand higher and higher
Saying “Surely, surely…”, I wish one more time

These endless thoughts are swallowed up by normal days
They flickered and changed their shape again

Nevertheless I search for a reason to live in this world
When I realize I’m lost or halted I cry

Is it already too late now? I wonder to myself without an answer
Everything depends upon me, even the beginning and the end

I reach out my hand higher and higher
And fly out towards the kind light
Embracing the passion that has turned on in my heart
Saying “Surely, surely…”, I wish one more time

demonfromgahenna  asked:

Hello! I'm a little new to the community but I have a friend that is a witch and she said she felt a presence in my house. I'm not sure if it's good or bad but it has been scaring me at night when I pass my moms closet and the lights are off. I was wondering you could tell me it it was hostile or not. If not then could it be my friend and or someone to keep me company? Have a lovely day!

Hello dear i asked the pendulum board and it said no, the presence in your house is not good. Please clean your house and ask it to leave or have your friend banish it or teach you how to dismiss it. Please becareful my dear. Blessings to you and yours

Originally posted by magicalseasons

Good ways to encourage people to take the stairs:

  • Make it obvious where the stairs are. When designing buildings, make them convenient and out in the open and receiving natural light (in addition to fire stairs if need be). If you’re retrofitting bad design, make sure there’s plenty of good, large, legible signage. 
  • Decorate the stairways to the same standards you decorate the hallways.  Make them pleasant places that look you expect people to be there. 
  • If your elevators get a lot of traffic, are prone to overcrowding etc (true at a lot of cons in hotels I’ve been at) post signs explaining this asking people to take the stairs if they are able.  Maybe also do this if it’s about electricity saving, but don’t bullshit people about it. 

Bad ways to “encourage” people to take the stairs

  • Guilt-trippy poster about it being for your health. Fuck you, further fucking up my knee on bad days is in no way good for my health. 
  • Requiring a freaking key for the elevator. 
    • Like that might work okay in a school where there’s just the one elevator and you really don’t want a bunch of ten year olds playing with the elevator because at least you can just hand out a key to every adult & also to students with mobility disabilities or temporary injuries, but I can’t think of any other situation where that’s a good idea.  Like it might be necessary in a retrofit situation but it is never a GOOD solution. 

i try not to be personal on tumblr anymore because of a lot of reasons and i especially feel weird posting selfies (lmfao #justuglythings) but i just got back from ohio to see basically at this point the love of my fucking life @acrosc

like he has bad anxiety with crowds and i didnt think about it until the concert and i felt really bad but he went anyway and thats like a for sure way to get me to love u forever because concerts are a special thing to me and i like to go to them a lot. he took me to a cat cafe (which ive never been to one before) and bought me food and other things and overall i miss him a lot and i love them so much and it was just a comfy time we watched some of my fave stuff and doodled and had a good time (at least i did)

this trip like destroyed my wallet but i had so much fun it was very much worth it

please have a safe road trip auden i love u

  • fanfic writer: *writing* Oh wow, they are going to love this. This is by far my best work!
  • fic: *witty lines* *perfect love making* *fluffy enough to kill us all* *a dash of angst, a smidgen of hurt/comfort*
  • fanfic writer: Oh man. This is it. This will be my legacy! *sweats into fic* *bleeds into fic* *cries into fic* *spends days perfecting the grammar and verbage and sex scenes* *has 15 betas look over it*
  • fanfic writer: Okay. It is finally time to release my baby on the world. Here you go fandom. You're welcome.
  • fandom: Ha, cute. *like* *kudos*
  • fanfic writer: :/
  • * * *
  • same fanfic writer: *writing* Whatever. This is shit, I don't even care right now. A singing squirrel? Sure, let's do it. Haha, cheesy lines that make no sense, sure. Grammatical errors out the wazoo? Why not. No one's going to read this piece of crap anyway, I literally wrote it on a scrap of 1 ply toilet paper with a broken yellow crayon.
  • fanfic writer: LOL *post*
  • fanfic writer: *sigh*