Tour guide: And here you see real, live, college students! Wow!
Me:*looks up, half dead from the test I just took. Pauses the only song that can keep me alive right now: the Phantom of the Opera Overture. Glances down at the protein bar I’m eating to make sure I get enough calories today.*
An Open Letter to All Puppies With Parvo Virus (That Were Unvaccinated)
Dear Adorable Fluffs,
I’m sorry that you don’t understand what is happening to
I’m sorry we have to poke and prod you every little bit so
we can make sure you stay alive and get the treatment you need.
I’m sorry that your intestines is literally and continuously
sloughing unto the puppy pad diapers that you are surrounded by.
I’m sorry I can’t explain to you why we have to draw blood
so often or why you are hooked up to so many tubes and fluid lines.
I’m sorry that you feel so crummy that you won’t eat.
Puppies should be able to love to eat.
I’m sorry that instead of a bright, hyper puppy you are reduced to being a miserable and dull corpse-like ball of diarrhea.
I’m sorry that your entire body might begin to shut down and
you might go into septic shock.
I’m sorry that even around the clock care might not be good
I’m sorry that even the best medicine might not be good
I’m sorry that even if you walk out of here alive and
possibly eventually happy, you had to endure even a single second of this
awful, cruel, debilitating disease.
I’m sorry that that this was most likely preventable (Yes, there are exceptions, but they are rare and almost always has a valid reason why the vaccine didn’t work- i.e. didn’t store the vaccine correctly, giving it only once without a booster, expecting it to miraculously work immediately right before or during a pravo infection etc.).
I’m sorry that your owner didn’t believe in vaccines or that
“we just want to give them for money.” (Hint: iF we ACTUALLY were in this
career for the money, then why in the absolute world would we give a $20
vaccine when we could refuse to vaccinate and make $1,000-$7,000 ++ on each
critical parvo patient that walked in the door?)
I’m sorry that you could have been playing with your
siblings and being snuggled as a puppy should but instead I’m trying not to sob
I might have to put your tiny, emaciated body into a body bag.
I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better than this.
Okay, so like how when sheep/kids baaa at you and you baaa back and they all baaa again?? How would aliens react is if a human on their mission started making the creatures noise back at them until they all doing it.
The mission was fairly simple in Grutona’s mind: follow the tracks of certain creatures and use environmental clues to discern aspects of the creature’s lifestyle and needs. The group had been following the large, octagonal shaped prints of a swutonaton for the past several standard hours, and up to this point, they still hadn’t actually encountered the beast.
Good. Grutona was not keen on being eaten alive today, which would surely be the result of disturbing the beast. Protocol on the mission was to leave should contact be breached with any species that was not fully documented.
However, there was one member of the team that made Grutona worry. Maria seemed to take things like Protocol as more of a… guideline. Already today Maria had disregarded rules about eating wild tree fruit claiming “they have these on my planet, don’t worry!” Grutona did worry. Especially when Maria added: “Besides, they’re delicious.” Grutona knew what type of treefruit Maria was eating, and xhe was skeptical of the claim. These deadly fruits humans called “lemons” were HIGHLY acidic and sour. On xer home world, a fruit like that would be used by deadly criminals as a poison.
Needless to say, having a human on the crew had been an eye-opening, mind-boggling experience. Grutona was learning more about universal cultures on this mission than ever before, that was for certain.
It was a few more minutes of walking along the path, Grutona taking note of the way the plant life was smashed down to the side of the path of the tracks as if the swutonaton had stopped for a time and rested.
“Ah, so it appears swutonaton are a restful breed, and likely a predator species as evident by their choice location being one leaving them so vulnerable.” Kerip, another member of the team, said this clinically, xis eyes dilating further as his species was wont to do in order to get a magnified look at things. As he was examining he spoke to his partner, Bepin who recorded xis observations on a datapad.
There was a noise further down the trail, strangely like a yawn. Grutona looked over cautiously. Maria was gone. Grutona frowned and made toward the sound hoping it was just Maria doing some sort of human thing xhe was unfamiliar with and not the beast hiding in the plant life beyond planning an attack on the mission crew.
But when had luck ever been on Grutona’s side?
As xhe rounded the bend in the trail xhe was met with the horrifying sight. Xhe would have screamed if it were a characteristic of xer race. Instead, xhe stood there in shock.
Maria stood in front of the creature they were tracking all right. The only thing was, the team was entirely wrong about what they thought they were following here. They had assumed the animal was very large, at least nine or ten times the actual size of the creatures in front of them now. And creatures they were. There were at least fifteen of these creatures and they were all piled atop one another, drooling heavily, spiked tails and trunks laying anywhere.
“I’d definitely call this a dog-pile.” Maria chuckled, completely unconcerned at the reality that basically everything they had assumed about these creatures was wrong. Maria turned to look at Grutona, eyes gleaming in mischief. “Guess we were wrong about the elephant-sized animal with forty pig-sized feet, huh?” Grutona said nothing, still reeling. They needed to leave, Protocol demanded it, and they needed to go soon before more of the creatures woke up as one was doing now.
“Hey, look! They’re starting to wake up! They’re so cute!” Maria took another step closer to them, making cooing noises as Grutona watched in horror as more of the swutonatons started to rouse. Footsteps behind xer alerted xer to the rest of the team arriving to the scene finally.
There was a moment of stunned silence before an exasperated sound came from Bepin and Kerip started mumbling in astonishments about all the things they had wrongly ascertained.
“We should leave,” a voice of reason finally called from the back of the group: Teriwald, the ranked officer from the ship who had been tasked with “protecting the scientists” on the expedition.
Grutona found xer voice again, finally. “You’re–”
There was a sudden, loud sound from the pile of creatures “Meeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrm.”
“Okay, that was the greatest thing I’ve ever heard,” Maria was watching the herd of swutonaton with complete adoration in her gaze. Grutona had been warned to be wary of humans when they assumed a look like this one. There was no telling what kind of things they might do next.
Whatever Grutona had expected, it was not what Maria did next. Maybe xhe thought she would have started running in circles around the group or walk over and touch one, but xhe certainly did not predict that Maria would raise her arms in imitation of a swutonaton trunk and repeat the noise back at them in perfect imitation. “Meeeeeeeerrrrrm!”
“What are you doing, we need to go!” Teriwald reminded in an increasingly demanding tone.
“Calm down, Waldo, we’re fi–” Maria was cut off by several cries of the swutonaton calling back at her.
“Oh, this is too good!” More of the swutonaton had stirred now, and they were climbing off of each other and standing in a herd before Maria who laughed and made the noise again.
“MEEEEEEEEERRRRRM!!!” The entire herd of seventeen (Grutona had counted in xer moments of horror earlier) swutonaton were now calling back at Maria’s prompting.
Nobody on the team said anything as they all watched in rapt attention Maria and the herd of swutonaton yell at each other for the next ten standard minutes.
Humans, Grutona concluded, still half horrified, are weird.
tim believes in cryptids bc like?? “Listen. Jason, listen. My best friend is an alien. Half the Justice League are either aliens or magical beings. It’s not farfetched to believe that Nessie is alive and real. I’m pretty sure I’ve met Mothman. They are real and they are among us.”
5 headcanons about Victor annoying Yuuri (or Yuuri annoying Victor)
(these are 100% inspired by chrissy teigen’s tweets, and also by our chats when we were talking about her lmao)
1. victor has taken to doing this thing where he sends yuuri nudes and then says, “sorry wrong person.” it’s funny, it’s really funny, it’s comedy gold—until it isn’t. until at one point yuuri texts back, “no worries, happens to me all the time :p” and then victor realizes. he realizes that he’s never, not once, gotten a nude from katsuki yuuri. “wait what?” he types back, fingers flying over the touch screen. “yuuri? yuuri. who’ve you been sending yours to??” but no response comes, and victor is frantically shoving the groceries into the recyclable bag. he ignores the looks he gets from the cashier and surrounding customers. then he’s stumbling out of the store, pulling his phone out again and hitting call.
“what does that mean?” he asks, no preamble. // “hmm?” yuuri’s voice is nonchalant on the other line, innocent. // “yuuri,” victor whines. // but yuuri only yawns: “sorry, which one are you? i have so many contacts saved under the name ‘boyfriend’ so you’re going to have to identify yourself.”
“I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go Where the wind don’t change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope, just lies
And you’re taught to cry into your pillow
But I survived”