not seduced

Shit the Rock Dwarf Says

DM: you’re walking down the hall towards a large door with huge stone lions next to it.

Dwarf Paladin: ooc: Can I do this?

Me (Tiefling Bard) {ooc}: Sure why not

Dwarf Paladin: I’m gonna roll to flirt with the Huge Stone lions. [rolls a 15 on a D20]

DM: [with a disappointed tone]: You flirt with the stone lions successfully as everyone looks at you in confusion.

Dwarf Paladin: YES

Context: I’m playing a LE Tiefling Sorceress (Zix) with a pirate background, who succeeded on a perception check to find a ruby hidden in a statue earlier in the dungeon. Our very Common-challenged Drow Rogue (Nariss) saw me take it and tell no one. Our other players are a moon elf warlock, a human druid, and a half-orc barbarian. The group is all girls, for what that matters.

Me: I’m going to go through the next doorway, pretty sure nothing else is in this room.

Nariss’ player: I’m going to roll sleight of hand to steal that ruby. (Rolls 18)

Me: I got a natural 20.

DM: Yeah, Zix notices him.

Me: So, Zix is gonna be like “What be ye doin’, ye thievin’ bilge rat!” and she’s going to take one of her daggers out with the intention of carving some kind of symbol into Nariss’ skin. I don’t know what, let’s say a heart.

DM: Well, let’s roll-

Nariss’ player: Wait! Nariss is gonna go “Dat ass! Dat ass! Beautiful!”

DM: Roll Deception. *Nariss gets a 12* And [Me], roll Insight. *I get a 4* Yeah, Zix believes that.

Me: “Aye? That be a difren’t matter. Not here, dungeons be bad places for that sort o’ thing. But I’ll let ye know: There be many reasons I carry so much rope and knives.”

Nariss’ player: Dungeons are the best place to pick up girls, right?

Barbarian: Of course they are!