I know what you are now. I think I knew before, but, you know, after I sent that kid to the hospital, years ago, they said I had an anger problem, but that’s not true. I was angry because of something else. Something I’d lost. Trying so hard since not to be angry. Got me all defenseless, and I lost more, and more, and more… that’s not getting better. I want to be angry. When I ran home from college, on the bus I had this dream, or maybe I saw it out the window, last leaf on the tree finally blown off. I’m so scared, all the time, and the fear *hurts*. Feeling like everything is over, was over long before I got here, so long, hiding, or trying to outrun this. I get it. This won’t stop until I die, but when I die, I want it to hurt. When my friends leave, when I have to let go, when this entire town is wiped off the map, I want it to hurt. Bad. I want to lose. I want to get beaten up. I want to hold on. Until I’m thrown off and everything ends. And you know what? Until that happens, I want to hope again and I want it to hurt. Because that means it meant something. It means I am… something, at least. Heh. Pretty amazing to be something, at least. […] I know this won’t save me in the end, but I don’t need it to save me forever, I just need it to save me now.
I actually sat down and shut my mouth and actually just listened and you know, accepted every bit of information with no judgement… I knew that it was my job to show, you know, that people that are on the spectrum are just regular people, literally, just how we talk, how me and Becky [Becky G, Yellow Ranger] talk, they feel the same way, they have the same emotions, they wanna be loved, that want people to love, they want relationships they want, you know, connections, and it’s just like I was really excited to be able to play that ’cause I know it means so much to so many people, ’cause all of us are affected by it… and it’s something I feel like we needed to have in this movie to be honest.
RJ Cyler, who plays Billy Cranston (the blue power ranger) in Power Rangers (2017).
A Day in the Life of My Internal Medicine Rotation
5:05 am- Alarm blares. Me screaming (internally)
5:10 am- All needs are forgotten except for COFFEE
6:00 am- Finish up some last minute paperwork, wish I was sleeping instead.
6:40 am- Arrive at hospital, put on white coat.
6:45 am- IMMEDIATELY get bloody diarrhea splattered on me and my previously white, now red-brown, white coat. So THIS is how this day is going to go huh?
7:00 am- Physical exam on my inpatient, give treatments, assess how they are doing (aka love on them, despite them pooing on me). Call owner with an update.
7:30 am- Inpatient rounds. Stumble through case presentation. Try to believe I am only imagining them cringing at my proposed plan for my inpatient for today.
8:40 am- Paperwork. Eat a handful of dried fruit (because you NEVER know when your next chance for food will be!).
8:53 am- Running around to coordinate diagnostic testing for my ICU inpatient.
9:00 am- Appointment is here! Crap but I still have inpatient stuff to do…
9:40 am- Leave appointment with physical exam findings and history in tow. Try to make sense of the clinical signs. Forget ALL THE THINGS when asked a direct question by head attending and try not to scream from frustration of my brain fart.
10:00 am- Go back into exam room with attending in tow. With plan (and now patient) in hand, submit paperwork for diagnostics. Draw blood, get urine, oh my!
10:47 am- Gulp a part of a granola bar while running around doing diagnostics and discharge and grabbing meds at pharmacy and ugh so much exercise! Who needs a fitbit when my legs are already yelling at me for walking so much?
12:29 pm- Realize I have no sat down since 7. Get woozy as I rush to make it to rounds before 12:30. Or else the wrath of “all must be timely or you shall be smited” is hanging in the balance.
12:30 (On. the. dot.) pm- Case Base Rounds (or really classroom). Better know that 26th differential for acute small bowel diarrhea or else!
3:30 pm- Frantically try to type out discharges while simultaneously requesting a CT scan, analyzing a urinalysis, calling back the own, and resisting the urge to cry.
4:00 pm- Run 5 miles around the hospital trying to find my head clinician/attending that is never to be found unless of course I am stumbling or making a mistake…
4:30 pm- Discharge patient!
5:10 pm- Fill out treatment sheet for inpatient.
5:30 pm- Pout as I see classmates leaving the building while I am stuck behind a mountain of paperwork yet.
7:00 pm- Get clearance from my clinician and GET THE HECK OUT OF DODGE. Eat food. Enjoy the moonlight! Be merry!
9:00 pm- Sluggishly type paperwork at home. This is not going well.
The Ambassador took in a deep breath and his eyes flashed up to yours. The looked different; not as controlled as Vulcans usually were. “What I’m going through is…natural for Vulcans.”
You blinked at his words. Vague and uninformative; you shouldn’t have expected anything else. But that didn’t make the concern go away. You took a step closer to Soval. “Is there anything I can do to help? Do you need medical assistance, or…?”
“No.” He answered quickly, straightening up. But the Ambassador’s eyes were still locked onto yours, even as he took a step closer. “No medical assistance. Pon Farr is easily treatable.”
i had a bit of an internal debate over posting this. Yesterday i had this idea that my art just felt… detached. like i was drawing it but it didnt feel real, so i thought, you know what i’ll do a more emotional piece, and you dont really get more emotion than sheer unadulterated rage, so i drew my OC being pissed af but when i finished, it almost seemed a bit… too much.
I dont know, its too emotional and dark even with the pink and blue highlights and im honestly not sure how i feel about that.