not really funny but i laughed anyway

i hate when straight women w short haircuts come into my salon and start joking about having a lesbian haircut/requesting short hair that “doesn’t make them look like a lesbian LOL”

today a straight woman sat down and showed me the picture of the haircut she wanted and she was like “i showed this picture to my husband and he was like ‘wow are you gonna get a girlfriend now’ haha. i love him he’s so ridiculous”

i never know what to say. it feels weird, because i know they say these things to me under the assumption that i’m straight. i don’t know how i’m supposed to respond. “oh don’t worry, you definitely don’t look like a lesbian!” or “omg don’t worry i won’t give you a LESBIAN looking haircut haha”

i can’t just out myself and play along. i do everything in my power to prevent outing myself to any of my clients.

and it feels like some cruel joke is being played on me, like this is straight humor that women laugh about behind our backs. i mean i know it is. it’s just weird being a part of it. i don’t know how to ask straight women to stop joking about butch lesbian haircuts while they’re in my chair. i don’t know what to do when straight women laugh about looking like a lesbian, i don’t really know how to take that, like if it’s a joke at the expense women like me or just harmless commentary. i don’t know what to say, and i can’t bring myself to laugh along with them.

it’s not a subject i want to talk about. i know that makes me sensitive, but i’ve been through a lot of very traumatic experiences because i’m gay. it’s humiliating to perform a service for straight women who seem to think there’s something funny about people daring to think they might be gay

anonymous asked:

whoa ok step back, daedalus built a cow suit for a woman who wanted to fuck a bull and that's why the minotaur WAS A THING? I DID NOT KNOW THIS

I honestly think that I’d be doing you a great disservice if I didn’t tell you about the time Daedalus enabled rampant bestiality, so allow me to clear this gap in your knowledge. 

Anyone who doesn’t want to read a poorly retold myth about a man who built a cow suit so realistic that it totally fooled a magic bull into laying down some absolutely quality homo-bovine dick and siring a minotaur should probably press J on their keyboard right now, but honestly if that synopsis doesn’t do it for you then you should probably just quit Greek mythology all together.

So, Minos is this guy who manages to achieve the dual feat of being both King of Crete and an incorrigible asshole. Also, the first achievement is a really tenuous one, because Minos has like a billion brothers and he’s basically Malcolm in the Middle and all his brothers are better looking than him and they have way better abs and it’s really awkward every year at Christmas because they’re all “could you pass the stuffing, Minos? Also you’re totally stuffed because I’m going to be king one day haha suck it, right on” and so Minos starts to get really worried that he’s going to lose the throne to one of his more lustrous-locked brothers and then he’ll be stuck with just the one achievement of being an incorrigible asshole and so he has a little brood and he comes up with a plan. 

One day, he goes up to Poseidon, god of the sea and all things wet (or at least that’s what he tells girls at the Olympus nightclubs) and he’s like “hey, Poseidon, could you do me a solid?” and Poseidon is like “no bro but I can do you a liquid” and they have a little manly giggle and then Minos says “no but really, I need a favour” and Poseidon is like “well, you just gave me a golden opportunity to mock the states of matter, I’m 100% up for doing any favour you want” and Minos says “well, you know how I have loads of brothers” and Poseidon is like “you mean the better looking ones?” and Minos pouts and says “looks aren’t everything, but yes, those ones” and Poseidon is like “go on” and Minos says “well, I need them to stop trying to steal the throne because it’s getting really annoying and also I can’t sleep at night any more and it’s driving my hot wife insane, could you maybe show that you totally support me being King of Crete? That way, they’ll definitely stop being dicks at Christmas” and Poseidon just nods and says “I have a great idea for how I can do this”

and Minos is like “wow, are you going to send down an army of merpeople and slaughter all my brothers in a righteous and watery battle?” and Poseidon is like “no” and Minos says “are you going to conjure up a giant tidal wave and make it destroy all my brothers’ homes but leave my palace totally intact?” and Poseidon is like “no” and Minos says “well, are you going to turn all my brothers into mermen?” and Poseidon is like “look, I’m going to send you a bull”

and Minos just blinks and says “a bull” and Poseidon nods and grins and says “yes, a bull” and Minos says “THAT’S bull” and Poseidon points behind him and says “no, THAT’S a bull” and then he brings out this fucking phenomenal bull. Like, this bull puts all other bulls to shame. It’s glowing white and it’s as big as two ordinary bulls and probably twice as virile. It’s basically overcompensation in taurine form. Anyway, this bull is so bitchin’ that immediately, all of Minos’ brothers are like “wow, nope, you can keep that throne, we don’t want Poseidon to sic his sick bull on us” and basically Minos lives happily ever after with his incredible bull.

Until eventually Poseidon shows up at Minos’ palace and says “hey, Minos, you know that really awesome bull I lent you a while back?” and Minos is like “what bull” and Poseidon is like “the magical snow white bull which gleamed in the Cretan sun like limestone and Apollo’s cheekbones” and Minos is like “oh, THAT bull” and Poseidon is like “yes, that bull, now where is it because I’m having a bull party next week and I really want it back” and Minos says “well, here’s the thing, and it’s kind of a funny story really and I’m sure we’ll laugh about it later, maybe we could even laugh about it now, ha, but anyway all jokes aside I’m keeping the bull” and Poseidon is all “like fuck you’re keeping that bull, it’s my best bull, this is bullshit” and Minos is like “that’s one of the hazards of keeping a bull, maybe you’re not cut out for it” and Poseidon says “you haven’t heard the end of this, Minos, you have made a very powerful and watery enemy” and he leaves and Minos goes and, like, pets the bull or something, I don’t know what you do with bulls.

So, Poseidon goes back to his soggy lair and formulates a plan, and he eventually comes up with something straight out of Quentin Tarantino’s brie-induced nightmares. He goes to find Aphrodite, the goddess of love and afternoon delight, and says “hey Aphrodite, first of all you look delectable and secondly I need you to help me make a woman bang a bull” and Aphrodite is like “I honestly hate this job sometimes, but you’re right, I do look delectable, tell me more” and Poseidon is like “I had this really sweet bull and I lent it to Minos so he would think I liked him and now he won’t give it back and so I need you to make his wife fall in love with the bull, it’s a foolproof vengeance plan” and Aphrodite says “you are a god” and Poseidon says “yes” and Aphrodite says “why can’t you just, you know, take back the bull with your divine power?” and Poseidon is like “look, are you going to make this woman fall in love with the bull or not” and Aphrodite is like “fuck yes, that sounds hilarious, consider it done and I want front row seats” and Poseidon is like “you are my favourite niece and occasional lover, I owe you one”

Back to the palace at Crete, where Minos’ wife, Pasiphaë, is lounging about on a contemporary equivalent to a chaise-lounge when she suddenly gets this unmistakable urge to do the do with a bull - but not just any bull, her loins quiver only for the bull in her husband’s barnyard. Instead of doing what most people would do when they realise they have an insatiable urge to make tender love to a bull and immediately committing herself to months of therapy, she thinks “I know what I have to do” and she picks up the contemporary equivalent of a phone and calls Daedalus, inventor and architect extraordinaire.

She’s all “hey, Daedalus, we have patient confidentiality, right?” and Daedalus is like “I’m not your doctor, so no” and she’s like “well, I’m your Queen, so how about you say ‘yes’ instead and I tell you what I want?” and Daedalus is like “my lips are sealed, tell me what you need” and she’s all “well, there’s this really rad guy and I totally want to just lay him down and lick chocolate sauce off his body, but there’s a hitch in my plan” and Daedalus says “yeah, you’re married” and Pasiphaë says “yes, and also he’s a bull” and Daedalus is like “do you mean he’s well hung or” and Pasiphaë is like “look man you gotta help me on this, I need me some sweet bullocking and only you can help me” and Daedalus says “I’ll do what I can, but I hope you have a damn good shower at your palace because I may need to use it for about 6 weeks afterwards” and she’s like “done, now get over here and get me some”

So Daedalus turns up and helps her, and in the blink of an eye, he’s built her this monstrous wooden cow suit. Now, the myth is not exactly clear on the mechanics of this bovine sex toy, but it’s established that Pasiphaë gets into the cow suit and goes to find her bullock beau and they make sweet, sweet cattle love all day and all night. I do not know how she manoeuvres herself inside this wooden furry abomination and frankly I do not want to know, but whatever she does is 100% successful because 9 months later she gives birth to another furry abomination. The good news is that he’s a healthy, bouncing baby boy. The bad news is that he is half baby and half bull and also he has this really annoying habit that most newborns don’t have of eating people, which means that Minos is the definition of Not Impressed with his new stepson, so he does what any sane human would do in this situation, and he calls Daedalus. 

Daedalus says “I’m in the shower, what do you want?” and Minos is like “look, my wife has committed a slight indiscretion and I need you to take care of the result” and Daedalus is like “she fucked a bull and she’s had a grotesque hybrid baby, hasn’t she” and Minos narrows his eyes and says “how do you know?” and Daedalus says “just a stab in the dark, mate, I had no hand in this at all, literally none, just let me wash my hands a minute and I’ll be right back” and Minos is like “just build something to trap that devil spawn, because it’s started to eat my servants and I never even wanted a stepson anyway, it’s just one more claim to the throne isn’t it” and Daedalus is like “dude, give me a week and it’ll be done”

and so Daedalus constructs this impenetrable labyrinth that’s so impregnable that Daedalus nearly gets lost on the way out, and they lob the minotaur tot right into the middle of it, and that’s that.

Except then the minotaur starts demanding the sacrifice of seven young men every year, who are tossed into the labyrinth and forced to play a fatal game of cat and mouse with a grotesque superpowered man-bull creature that will ultimately devour them, flesh from bone, at the heart of a labyrinth that only he can navigate, but that’s a story for another myth. Or The Maze, starring Dylan O’Brien, out in a multiplex near you.

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4

My friend @missyzero and I were talking about what Shadow’s damage might be in Sonic Forces and she was like “watch it be a Shadow bot and real Shadow was washing his bike somewhere.”

For some reason I thought that was funny and decided to draw it!

Wait wait wait, did you just make a joke?

•I am in love with the idea of Keith making jokes so only hunk can really hear
•and they are GOOD
•Hunk has laughed so hard hes cryed over some of them
•one time Keith’s joke got him so good that he skipped the laughter and went straight to crying
•but Keith is sneaky
•and no one EVER hears him exept Hunk
•Hunk is loosing it™
•cause
•I SWEAR GUYS KEITH IS FUNNY HE MAKES JOKES I SWEAR LANCE YOU BELIEVE ME RIGHT
•LANCE!
•LANCE?
•im sorry buddy but ??? Keith has literally never???
•Hunk looking at Keith
•hes so smug
•Hunk making the “im watching you” gesture
• Keith taking it as a CHALLENGE
•a challenge to get sneakeyer and funnier
•when they are heading to their lion
•right before they enter a room with everyone else
•as hunk is taking a sip of space juice so he does a spit take all over lance and pidge
•at the table when Keith walks behind hunks chair
•Keith is brutal with his jokes tbh
•they are always relevant to something going on
•"Are we sure Galra Keith isn’t evil??? I think he’s tring to make me laugh to death! Is that possible?“
•Keith is so happy to have a thing™ with Hunk
•he feels so proud of himself whenever Hunk laughs
•he did that he made him happy
•Keith would do anything to make that laugh and that smile stick around
•and he finds that making jokes like this is a great stress relief for both of them so thats a plus
•keith dosnt know when he started to automatically seak out Hunk when entering a room
•Hunk doesnt know when he started keeping a constant eye out for Keith
•really tho if you see one of them you probably see the other too and they are probably most definitely both trying to stifle a laughing fit

listen as someone on the autistic spectrum, I can’t express how happy I am with Billy Cranston as a character.

A lot of the representation of autism/Aspergers I’ve seen in the media has been people who are typically cold/casually insult people/being pushed away or looked down on/overall just pretty negative.

But Billy Cranston..he is a beautiful soul. The biggest stereotype of people on the autistic spectrum is that we “don’t have feelings” or are “really apathetic”. Yeah a lot of us have difficulty understanding other people but that’s because our brains just function differently like a lot of us really do try to understand others because we want people to understand us! And when we see characters that have autistic traits (a lot of the time we don’t get characters that are canonically autistic so we have to look for our representation through characters with traits) being rude and deliberately dismissive of other people’s feelings (a certain detective and a scientist from two highly overrated shows come to mind😒) it’s really harmful to us and supports those stereotypes.

Billy Cranston is not dismissive and rude. He is full of love for his friends. He tries to understand the people around him, probably because a lot of people in a small town don’t try to understand him.

Yes his “quirks” are played for laughs a lot but it’s in no way offensive and is genuinely funny (I mean to me anyway, there were a lot of things he does in the film that I’m guilty of, like not understanding social queues and keep talking and not realising I’m repeating things).

And finally Power Rangers does something with Billy Cranston and his autism that a lot of movies/TV shows don’t do with their autistic characters (if there are any) and that is unapologetically celebrate him. To me, Billy was the heart and soul of the movie.

So can we please have more autistic characters that aren’t rude white man-children who’s disabilities are played for laughs, thanks.

8

I like this scene a lot. Of course the scene after it is iconic (”Where I come from, size, shape, or color make no difference.”), but I think this preface to it is really nice too. 

I was afraid Kirk was gonna be paternalistic about Alexander’s size. (And, apologies in advance, I don’t quite have the language down for this. I’m not fond of person-first language but I’m going to use it here because I don’t know what term is appropriate to use instead.) He doesn’t crouch down to talk to him, which is mainly what I was anticipating. Still, he makes a point to be at eye level so Alexander doesn’t have to look up at him to talk to him – which is important, because as we’ve seen, all the Platonians ‘look down on’ him. 

What’s more, he doesn’t invalidate Alexander’s self-degradation or act surprised when he assumes Kirk was referring to his size. 

Kirk: Are there other Platonians like you?
Alexander: … What do you mean, ‘like me’? 
Kirk: Who don’t have the psychokinetic ability.
Alexander: [smiles softly and exhales a small laugh before speaking] I thought you were talking about my size.

I don’t think it’d be incredibly out of place for Kirk to have said “Of course not”, of course he wasn’t referring to Alexander’s size. But he doesn’t. And I think that’s very in-character. That’s something we still get a lot of today, you know? People face real prejudice every day, and when they express relief that they misunderstood a comment for judgement, they’re often shut down. (A lot like when LGBTQ people come out and the response they receive is “We already knew”. It’s invalidating as hell. Or, “I thought you meant because I’m [x].” “What? I would never! My best friend is [x].”) 

Kirk does have a pointed look of discomfort while Alexander degrades himself, but he doesn’t stop him. It’s fairly obvious as soon as the character is introduced that he uses humor as a coping mechanism. But Kirk also doesn’t encourage it – he doesn’t laugh, and Spock doesn’t allow the moment to dwell, but asks where the psychokinetic abilities come from. Which is what’s happening in this scene: 

What I like about Kirk is his body language. 

He isn’t defensive, his posture is very soft. And when Alexander makes a small joke at both of their expenses, his reaction is really good. 

He’s got this little smile, but doesn’t laugh. He knows it was a joke and in a small way he acknowledges it, but it wasn’t funny, because he’s not about to accept that Alexander is a “throwback” to times of inferred inferiority. 

(I love Alexander’s eye-roll here. This character is so endearing.) 

I just like this interaction a lot because I think it was handled incredibly well. Self deprecating jokes are really common and they’re a double-edged sword. Laughing at them diffuses tension, but ingrains what makes it funny. Calling someone out for making the joke dismisses their coping mechanisms and can even claim they’re perpetuating prejudice against themselves, which is ridiculous. I think how Kirk handled this is really the only way to do so. 

Anyway, sorry this post is so long, I just think this was handled incredibly well. Not just for 1968, but in 2017 terms, too. 

listen, jontron has been horrible since GG’s inception. 
i mean that doesn’t make any of the recent and not-so-recent BATSHIT GARBAGE he’s said any less BATSHIT, but i’m just shocked it took him agreeing with Actual White Supremacists and his racist tirade in that debate stream to get people to realize that his ~Ironic Racism/Misogyny/Transphobia over all these years has either transformed into or always was genuine racism/misogyny/transphobia.
(rape mention past this point.) anyway my awakening moment was back in highschool (actually probably 2013 now that i think about it) watching GG for the first time, the iconic sonic 06 playthrough and thinking it was really funny!! i remember my face hurting from smiling and laughing so much. at least until jontron straight up said he wanted to rape a female NPC they ran into. and as a teenage girl AT THAT EXACT POINT IN TIME dealing with sexual assault and rape joke harassment shit from a male classmate, and watching funny videos on the internet to forget about what i was dealing with, that “joke” wiped the smile off my face and i immediately started crying and closed the video instantly and never finished watching the playthrough or touched another GG video until years after danny replaced jon. (and even then i didn’t stick around super long either - my mexican ass can only stand so many ~ironic~ ‘dirty mexican’ jokes and bad ‘accent humor’, even if not as overtly horrible as jon had been.)
anyway my point is that it’s just really funny that people who had been SAYING all these years that “he’s just kidding!! him saying rapey and racist things are just jokes!!!” are for some reason shocked now that it turns out he wasn’t joking at all, as if a totally not racist or misogynistic person would think it’s okay or be comfortable enough to joke about those things to begin with. it’s almost as funny as the fact that jontron thinks him making those kinds of comments has no effect on the audience he seems to crave so badly!!! (read: his non white, jewish, female, disabled, and victims of sexual assault former fans who got tired of his shit. not to mention alienating his ‘heroes’ like neil c. for openly being a pos where neil could see it LMAO.)

TL;DR: jontron has literally always been shit, he’s just been a lot louder about it lately bc he’s managed to weed out all his decent fans and left only his nasty hugbox who never challenge his racist rapey self.

New toy II pt.2

Jungkook x reader

genre: smut, fluff, angst, sub!jungkook

also some thigh riding 

word count: 10.2k


What is a better occasion for some nasty actions than a blackout?

Originally posted by nochuie

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Two can play at this game

April Fools’ Day… the Snowbaz possibilities are endless. Also: @snowbaz-feda looks great and everyone should go check it out


March 31.

BAZ:

‘What did you do to him?’

Snow’s girlfriend has followed me out of the dining hall, her hands on her hips and her pretty eyes glaring.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I say, arching one eyebrow, and it’s true; I have no fucking clue what she’s on about, except that it’s about Snow. Everything is about Snow.

‘So this isn’t your doing?’ Her eyes are still squinted suspiciously.

‘Sadly, I can’t take credit for whatever has befallen Snow, but I’d love to hear about it.’ I pretend that I’m not worried. I tell myself that I’m glad if he’s hurt.

She huffs. ‘Just stay away from him, Baz.’

‘That’s going to be difficult, given that we share a room,’ I drawl. I suppose it’s no use telling her that I can never get far enough away from him. (I can never get close enough, either.)

‘I’m serious. I know you’re enemies and all, but that’s just politics. If you break his heart I swear Penelope will curse you so hard you’ll still be screaming from across the Veil. Hell, I’ll even do it myself.’ She’s practically spitting fire at this point.

‘Wellbelove, what the fuck are you on about?’

She sighs and crosses her arms. ‘Simon broke up with me.’

I try to squash down the hopeful feeling in my chest. It’s not like this is going to do me any good. (Anything is possible). (No, not this.)

‘My condolences,’ I say drily. ‘Or perhaps I should deliver them to Snow.’

‘He broke up with me because of you,’ she snaps. ‘Because of his feelings for you.’

‘Excuse me?’ I try not to let it show on my face. How fast my heart is beating. How much I want this to be true.

‘Just don’t use this to hurt him,’ she insists. ‘That would be low, even for you. Just leave him alone.’

‘Sorry, I’m still stuck on the part where you said Snow has feelings for me?’ My voice sounds too high.

‘Yeah, well, so am I,’ Wellbelove mutters. ‘I mean it, Baz. Don’t hurt him.’

‘What makes you think I can?’ Either Wellbelove is mistaken, or I must be hallucinating. Snow can’t have feelings for me. Snow hates me. He thinks I’m every kind of evil he’s ever known.

‘Because he told me,’ she says. ‘He says he’s in love with you, and I sure hope for his sake that it’s not true. I know you don’t think I’m much of a threat but I promise you, if you hurt someone I care about, I’ll fucking end you.’

‘Right,’ I say. I’m not scared of Wellbelove, but the way she’s looking at me right now, maybe I judged her too quickly. I want to tell her that she doesn’t need to worry, because I’m so in love with Simon Snow that even on good days I think it’s going to kill me, and all of this sounds way too good to be true.

‘I mean it,’ she says, and turns to walk away.

‘Noted,’ I manage to choke out, and now that her back is turned, I let the mask fall. I’m standing rooted to the spot staring after her with what must be a completely shell-shocked look on my face and – Aleister fucking Crowley.

Simon Snow can’t be in love with me. It’s impossible. It’s brilliant.

I look back through the door to the dining hall, and I see Wellbelove walk back to her table, and I realise Snow has been watching for her to come back.

Wait. There’s something I’m missing.

Why would she tell me that Snow has feelings for me, if she thinks I’m going to use it to hurt him?

And then I remember. Today is the last day of March. And that means tomorrow…

I draw in a sharp breath. It feels like I’ve been kicked in the gut. Fuck him. I fucking believed her, even if it was just for a minute. Fuck him for doing this to me. I want to march in there and drag him out of his chair and beat the living daylights out of him (I don’t. I don’t want to hurt him). I want to break down and cry, right here in front of the entire school. Natasha Pitch’s son, the vampire, a heartbroken, sobbing mess.

Alright. Fine, Snow. Fucking fine.

Two can play at this game.


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Just my thoughts on what happened with the Supergirl Cast

I ship Supercorp, and I 100% want nothing more than for Jeremy Jordan to get lost. But as I was watching, and rewatching, that entire monstrosity play out I started to pick up on something that I myself have experienced.

Peer-Pressure.

I experienced the receiving end when my entire theatre class joined in on a “No one likes you —-” and even when I was having a good time talking to my friends, one specific girl would always cut into my conversations and throw in a “no one likes you anyways”. Somehow she always got it in there, and people I thought were my friends would join in. Peer-Pressure. Now I would laugh along, act like it was a funny joke, but inside I was dying about it. It really hurt. But I knew that the majority didn’t think the same way that girl did; they just said it to join in on the joke because they saw me laughing and everyone else was doing it so why not?

Now, how this connects to Supergirl. Jeremy Jordan was the one singing it all. And when he brought up Lena and was saying that they (Lena and Kara) were really great friends, Katie began laughing, and Melissa started singing “My Girlfriend!” while Katie began making a praying kind of hand symbol. In this split second before asshat began to scream at the camera, you could see that they were being fun and lighthearted about SuperCorp. They were being pro-SuperCorp, and all was well in the world. Then Jeremy started screaming into the camera, and like almost anyone who is put into an uncomfortable situation, they all started joining in and laughing. It was obvious how uncomfortable the whole thing was for Katie and David, and maybe even others felt uncomfortable. But because of the reason that just stopping all of the “fun” in the middle of an interview to call out Jeremy for his bullshit would have looked SO AWKWARD, and who the hell wants to do that when look everyone else is having fun??? So they joined in and didn’t say anything even though they probably didn’t agree on the inside. All I’m saying is that we shouldn’t be so quick to condemn everyone in the cast (besides Jeremy fucking Jordan) and we should wait it out and see what happens. We probably won’t get an apology, but notice how Katie then went on to not so low-key defend SuperCorp by saying that the audience can take from it what they like, and Melissa joined in with a “Yea!” And the others were nodding awkwardly. They wanted to agree, but probably felt awful about what they had just done. I’m completely open to all sides of this fandom, Karamel, SuperCorp, Sanvers, etc etc… so if you would like to comment on this and let me know how you read into it, I would be so pleased to hear about it! I just felt that I had to express how I felt after that shit storm.

Okay but...

Think of this, Lance having to put up so many masks that he loses sight of who he is.

I might be self projecting but coming from a really fuckin big family I have to throw up acts to suit certain family members or else I’d have to face them complaining to my parents (and thus getting the ruler/cane/umbrella/sometimes pens of dEATH) and/or just having to deal with their disappointment.

So since lance comes from a big family that’s what he does? And he does it so often that by the time he reaches the Garrison and later on joins Voltron everything is just a mask bc he doesn’t know what to think and doesn’t know who he is. But the team doesn’t know? Bc this is all they’ve known about lance and by now he’s so good at masking himself it’s almost like a second skin.

Ok then cue them going to an alien planet who’s been able to resist the Galra’s for sometime and they wanna make an alliance with the alien planet bc they could use the allies. But the aliens are really strict and they don’t take no funny business like flirting or whatever. So when they get to the planet they decide Lance might need to stay behind bc he’s an impulsive guy and might fuck things up. But it’d be weird if only one paladin was missing right? So it’s just Allura and Coran that go down to greet the alien race.

But the alien leader is unimpressed and is like “where is voltron how do we know you’re legit?” (More serious like but meh I’m too lazy fuck it). So they have no choice but to let Lance and the rest of voltron out of the castle. Everyone’s keeping an eye on Lance (and Keith kinda but moreso lance) but they’re so surprised when his entire attitude changes? He’s serious, answers questions eloquently and is standing like he’s some army soldier or something like that.

They’re all so surprised bc wtf Lance how are you so good at acting? But they have to put it out of their mind bc hello alliance and fighting Zarkon. The alliance is made successfully and they leave to which Lance just reverts back to his normal self but only after an hour after leaving the planet (bc from experience it takes time to dismantle one mask and then put on another)

Then during one of their calmer weeks where there isn’t much news or fighting, someone (pidge maybe?) offhandedly mentions how Lance acted during their stay on that planet. (And Lance isn’t there he’s doing his beauty guru stuff) And everyone is like “oh yeah wtf was up with that” and someone else just jokingly says “Lmao what if Lance is acting with us too?” And everyone’s laughing bc this is Lance and no way this is Lance we’re talking about.

Lance enters the room when someone makes that joke and he’s like “yeah I am” and everyone nervously laughs bc “haha yeah really funny Lance you’re just joking right?” And he just is so serious for once and “no I’m not”. Cue Long conversation on why he’d feel the need to put on a mask around them bc they’re family and Lance talking about his insecurities with the team and there’s crying and cuddles and everyone is talking about their internal problems bc “we need to get these off our chests anyways.”.
Shiro is afraid that he won’t be a good leader and will one day lead them to disaster.
Pidge is afraid she’ll never find her family and that she’ll one day lose them as well.
Keith is afraid of his heritage and one day just bringing the whole team down bc of that.
Hunk is afraid of not being able to protect the team properly.
Allura is afraid that they’ll never defeat Zarkon and that she might lose the team too.
Coran is afraid of losing the team, Allura everything. (And if you want for comedic effect Slav just appears and is like “I’m afraid of dying but this conversation has increased our chances of living by 67%! And there’s watery laughter as they pull Slav in for a hug too)

There’s more cuddles and the team wakes up the next day with disgusting crusty eyes and pillows that still have tear streaks on them. Everyone is grossed out bc someone (Hunk maybe lmao) drooled and there’s calls of “EWWW” mixed in with laughter and everyone feels lighter and mildly happier. And if for a moment just a small one, Lance feels a flicker of who he really is of the him without all the masks.

Of course not everything is fixed right away, when is it anyways? There’s still relapses where Lance pretends to be something he isn’t in reaction to a situation that he doesn’t know how to react to, and then there’s more cuddles and the team taking care of him. Sometimes Shiro dissolves into panic attacks, sometimes Keith just starts shouting for no reason, sometimes Pidge just starts sobbing when something reminds her of her family, sometimes Hunk’s screams can be heard throughout the castle as he has nightmares of his team dying bc he wasn’t able to save them, sometimes Allura overworks herself into exhaustion, sometimes Coran has to just constantly check on each member of the team every 5 minutes and he’s always nervous and scared when he does so. But the team is always there to help each other out, there’s bonding nights with huge cuddle piles, forts made from huge pillows and blankets, sad movies that end with sniffles or sobs, funny movies that end with people crying from laughter. They’re all a little broken but it’s okay bc the team will always be there.

And bc I’m a cruel bitch, imagine the teams reactions when Shiro disappears after all this happens :) and then when Lance is captured by Prince Lotor :)))))))

I love y'all don’t forget :)

(Reasoning why Lance would just admit he was acting: I’m probably self projecting again but tbh when I’m caught out and someone asks me if I’m just acting I don’t mind admitting it. Maybe subconsciously I know I’ve really lost myself and I might need the help so that’s why I admitted it. But also bc I don’t see the point in doing the whole cliche “w-what? No I’m not this is the real me” bullshit bc 100% of the time no one who actually cares about you will believe that, and Lance RECOGNISES that the team DOES care about him even though his lack of self esteem and overwhelming self doubt often makes him doubt that fact.)

(Also I’m really new to the Voltron fandom so I’m sorry if my writing is crappy and the characters are a little ooc pls forgive this child I’m trying my best)

(New edit: I also have a lot of really cool ideas on how to continue on from Shiro being missing so if y'all want me to continue just ask-)
day6 as “bob’s burgers” quotes

jae: i’m a blonde now, so i’m better than you.

sungjin: what kind of a god would give you those legs and no rhythm?!

brian: i’ve eaten nine birthday cakes and i still feel empty. 

wonpil: time for the charm bomb to explode.

dowoon: do you think horses get songs stuck in their heads?

WHAT ALL ASTRO BLOGS NEED TO HEAR

After being in the astro community for quite a while now, I’ve noticed a number of different ways that people make mistakes and assumptions. I’m very passionate about the way that astrology is received by the world, and I want it to be a practice that is RESPECTED and possibly even accepted by everyone (eventually). Here are some ways that astro blogs tend to invalidate astrology.

*DISCLAIMER* - I am not targeting any specific people. I’m a Virgo moon, and I only want people to become better astrologers and improve the way astrology is used on this website. And I also want everyone to think more before they post! I’m a naturally critical person and want to fix things, but I don’t want anyone to take personal offense to it (my Libra mars wouldn’t like that!). 

- Using sun sign alone. People rely heavily on sun-sign ONLY astrology. Why do people insist on only talking about sun signs? This is just one slice of someone’s personality - there is a whole chart that needs to be looked at, showing that each person has many other qualities other than the ones expressed by their sun. This is not real astrology, and never has been. This is the astrology created by popular media. Most people will not relate to their sun sign in posts anyway unless the post is about their ego, central identity, and general personality. Most astro bloggers make posts that are not about those things, yet they still insist on writing using sun sign instead of another planet that would be much more accurate. Before you write, think about which planet it would REALLY apply to. Please read my post here for a more detailed explanation of this.

- Forgetting your audience. When reading posts, most people ASSUME that the sun sign is the placement the post would apply to. For example, if the post says “Aquarius in love”, 99% of people (especially newcomers to astrology) try to relate it to Aquarius sun - when in fact, this would need to relate to Aquarius venus since venus is the planet of love. Aquarius suns would not have the qualities that this post describes, unless they have an Aquarius venus as well. Even some highly respectable blogs do this - they forget their audience. They don’t realize that most people don’t understand the way the planets work. I see this most often with sun sign posts, but it could also be true for others. Like, there could be a post about the moon signs that really would actually relate more to mercury. The idea is, remember that people don’t know right off the bat which placement the post would apply to. Help them out! Less people will write off your posts as inaccurate if you do this anyway.

- Including the 13th sign Ophiuchus. Just, no. Please don’t. This was a hoax created by NASA to try to prove astrology false. Astrology isn’t based on the constellations anyway, so there is no 13th sign. It’s based on the sections of the sky - they just happen to be named after certain constellations. The signs haven’t shifted. Read my post here about this for more information.

- Generalizing the signs. “Geminis are talkative and full of gossip!!!” “Cancers are soooo emotional and cry all the time!!!” “Leos want to hog the spotlight 24/7!!!!” Honestly, generalizing only leads to people getting upset. Not to mention the fact that it’s completely inaccurate. Most Geminis are not gossipy, most Cancers are not crybabies, and most Leos are not attention hogs. This could even happen with other planet placements (like moon signs or rising signs), I just happen to see it mostly with sun signs. These kind of posts are made by the same people who tend to only write about sun sign away. Read a real description of the sun signs (I recommend cafeastrology.com), or don’t say anything at all. The signs are complex, and can’t be labeled. Also, people don’t realize that all placements and signs can be either introverted or extroverted. They assume that the air/fire signs are extroverted and the earth/water signs are introverted. Sun signs cannot be limited to one personality type - not to mention the fact that the expression of introversion vs. extroversion is actually shown by the rising sign because that is the “shell” that the world sees. See my post here about how the rising signs can be both introverted and extroverted.

- Grouping the signs into categories. I’m sure everyone reading this has seen a post where half of the signs will be in one category and half of the signs will be in another. This isn’t accurate astrology. Signs cannot be grouped or limited - they are unique, and have 12 individual forms of expression. Limiting them to two or three categories makes astrology simple and trite, when in fact it is extremely complex (but fascinating). It’d be one thing if they grouped them by element (earth, air, water, fire), modality (cardinal, mutable, fixed), but most don’t even do that. It’s literally random most of the time. If you’re going to group the signs, at least offer an explanation why you put each sign in each category.

- Dismissing signs or placements as simply compatible or incompatible. Let’s be real here - each sign has the potential to be compatible with ANY sign. Also, compatibility should focus more on moon or venus sign as opposed to sun sign. Sun sign compatibility just determines the kind of general energy that would surround the relationship. Compatibility is complex. Instead of saying whether or not two people are compatible, say WHY. Show, for example, how their moon signs are different elements, how their venus signs are sextile, and how their rising signs are sister signs. Show how one person’s moon sign is the same sign as the other person’s sun sign. Compatibility is really about connections, anyway. Read my post here for more information.

- Basing astrology just on people you know. Not all Scorpios are energetic just because your best friend is. The reality is, your friend is a Sagittarius rising with an Aries mars. This has nothing to do with her being a Scorpio. When you make posts basing the information solely on one or two people you know, this is spreading false information. This could mean that readers would then assume in the future that all Scorpios are energetic just from reading your post. I hate to break it to you, but a lot of people believe everything they read. Especially if they’re beginners to astrology. Please do your best not to influence them to make assumptions.

- Posting without knowledge. You’d be surprised how much this one comes up. If you don’t know a lot about Taurus moons, don’t make a post about them. Simple as that. Play to your strengths to avoid spreading false information. Again, people believe everything they read more often than you think.

- Giving astrology a bad name. Astrology is fun. If you’re reading this, you probably would agree with me. But, there’s a difference between “fun” astrology that is accurate and “fun” astrology that just makes astrology a complete joke. “The signs as types of peanut butter” doesn’t improve people’s knowledge at all. I mean, sure, you could say it’s funny, but it really isn’t. It’s just pointless, and only serves to make readers think that astrology is a joke. Most people who make these don’t consider that people look at them and assume that that’s all astrology is. Every post you make is influencing people’s perception of the subject. Again, at least offer an explanation for WHY an Aries would sleep with five pillows if you’re really going to make a post about the number of pillows the signs sleep with. Chances are, you don’t have one anyway. Sure, you can say all you want that I’m “taking the fun out of it!!!!” or something. But I’m really not. I just want astrology to be perceived as something that really works, not something people make fun of. I’m sick of people laughing at astrology for the wrong reasons - and joke posts are not helping. You can make astrology accurate AND funny. Here’s an example of a post I made about the venus signs that people found amusing, yet also related to at the same time.

Hi Hello

Originally posted by kngniel

Neighbour!Kang Daniel AU

Note: this is what happens when you spend too much time at home, often meeting neighbours and have a soft spot for Kang Daniel

EDIT: you guys, this has gotten so many notes i am honestly shooketh™. thank you so much for reading and do look forward to my next one! you can request if you want anything’s cool really hehe

Keep reading

Heart on the Line (part 9)

Masterlist

You and Bucky had your differences in college, but now you need a place to stay and he needs a roommate, and in order to make ends meet, you two start a phone sex line together.  

“For a Good Time, Call…” AU


author: sugardaddytonystark (formerly buckysbackpackbuckle)
pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
word count: 1247

Keep reading

I really like you, you know? (Zach Dempsey x Reader)

Request: “Can I request a fic with Zach where the reader and Zach are snapchatting. The reader is really sleepy because she’s been staying up late to get homework done and being so tired, she accidently tells Zach she likes him a lot. (Can it be fluffy and a little angsty?)”

————————————

It was still 4:30p.m., but you were already tired and longing for your bed. You tried really hard to keep your eyes open, but they had their way of beating you. Finally, you gave up. You got up from the table you were occupying on the school’s library, picked up your stuff and walked home.

The second you got into your room, you took of your shoes and slowly climbed into your bed. You hadn’t even closed your eyes yet when your phone lighted up and buzzed.

“How hard is it for a girl to get her beauty sleep in this wicked world?” you mumbled like a real drama queen, talking to the walls. You reached out lazily for your phone and, suddenly, all your complains went away. The top notification was a Snapchat from Zach Dempsey.

After waiting a while (in your mind, opening it up too quickly would make him think you were desperate), you finally saw his chat. It was just random letters, probably sent by mistake. You rolled your eyes, not believing you created all that expectation in your head. What were you thinking? That Zach freaking Dempsey snapchatted you saying he was madly crushing you?

You sent a question mark back and put your phone away. It only took five seconds for it to buzz again.

“You have got to be kidding me”

You didn’t want to look, all you wanted was a nice nap. Your curiosity spoke louder, and you picked it back up.

Zach Dempsey: Oh hello Y/N this is Zach and I stare at your Snapchat stories like an idiot
Zach Dempsey: I’m lovesick because of uuuuuu
Zach Dempsey: let me be the juliet to your romeo
Zach Dempsey: I’m juliet coz I’m a little girl

You realized it was one of his friends joking around, and laugh softly. You decided to mess around too.

You: I knew it.
Zach Dempsey: that I’m a little girl????
You: oh yeah. it’s common knowledge.

Video call from : Zach Dempsey

You didn’t expect this. You didn’t know if you should pick up or not. You decided to go on with the game, so you fixed your hair and made sure you looked okay. You pressed “answer” and Justin Foley’s face showed up on the screen. It looked like they were at the gymnasium, probably practicing basketball.

“Yo Dempsey! I got your phone man” Justin yelled, and the camera focused on Zach, who was standing at the other side of the gym. “You shouldn’t have told me your password!”

“Dude what are you doing?” Zach rushed over and tried to get his phone out of Justin’s hands. You giggled and, with that sound, Dempsey just stopped moving. “Foley. What was that?”

Justin showed him the screen, and his eyes widened when he saw your face.

“Well hello there” you said, not knowing what to do.

“Y/N, hi. I-uh, hang on, I’ll call you back okay?” The screen went black and his face disappeared. You waited for the call and, since it didn’t came, you tried to sleep again. Unsuccessfully, you should add.

Grumbling, you kicked your covers away, picked up your books and started studying again in your desk.

———

You were so entertained by your homework you almost missed the notification from Zach. Almost. You unlocked your phone and checked it out.

Zach Dempsey: Hey, I’m sorry for earlier. Justin is an idiot
You: It’s okay 😂

You weren’t really expecting an answer after that, but fortunately it came.

Zach Dempsey: well anyway
Zach Dempsey: wyd?

You gave the pile of papers and books in front of you a sad glance.

You: homework. u?
Zach Dempsey: just chillin I guess

You sighed, jealous of his procrastination.

You: let’s trade please, I can’t stand biology anymore
Zach Dempsey: send all the bio stuff for me. I’ll do it for you, I love bio

What a cutie. He loved bio.

You: don’t give me ideas, Dempsey. I’ll send it for real
Zach Dempsey: lol
Zach Dempsey: you can come over some day and I’ll give you a hand

Oh my god. Zach invited you to his place. You and him, at his house. What a time to be alive.

You: that would be nice :)
Zach Dempsey: so… I’m sorry if that’s like way too intrusive but I wanna ask something
You: dear lord… shoot

Your heart skipped a beat. Was he really going to ask you out?

Zach Dempsey: are you and colin jensen a thing?

Well, apparently not. No dates for miss (Y/N) and mr Zach Dempsey.

You: who tf is colin jensen?
Zach Dempsey: you know, skinny dude who works at crestmont

You let out a loud laugh.

You: you mean clay jensen?
Zach Dempsey: probably
Zach Dempsey: anyway
Zach Dempsey: are you guys together?
You: no sir

The conversation just went on and on, and you liked Zach more and more by the second. He was sweet and funny, and talking to him was just so nice… but you really, really needed to sleep.

You: hey, I gotta go
Zach Dempsey: why??
You: I need some sleep
Zach Dempsey: it’s eight o'clock my lady

My lady. Jesus Christ.

You: I know
You: but I didn’t sleep last night
Zach Dempsey: what were you up to?
You: at a date with my usual partner
Zach Dempsey: 🤔
Zach Dempsey: usual partner?
You: homework
Zach Dempsey: oh, I see
Zach Dempsey: but can’t you stay just a little longer?
You: that’s not a very good idea
You: sleep deprived (Y/N) usually talks more than she should
Zach Dempsey: one more reason why you should stick around w me
Zach Dempsey: this conversation is about to get interesting
Zach Dempsey: stay pleease

Well, he was asking… you guessed it couldn’t be that bad staying up just a few more minutes.

You: okay, I’ll give you some extra time
You: what do you wanna talk about?
Zach Dempsey: let’s play a game

Uh-oh.

You: what kind of game?
Zach Dempsey: nothing special, just asking each other some questions
You: ok fine, you go first
Zach Dempsey: I’ll take it easy on you because it’s the first question
Zach Dempsey: we’re just warming up
Zach Dempsey: what’s your favorite color?

You laughed again.

You: how original my man
You: green
Zach Dempsey: I’m one of a kind
Zach Dempsey: your turn
You: I’m not extending the courtesy of taking it easy, sorry
You: are you and justin dating?

He sent you a picture of his face. He was frowning, trying to cover a smile.

Zach Dempsey: you’re lame. that’s a terrible question, and the answer is no
You: that was a valid question
Zach Dempsey: there will be a payback
Zach Dempsey: you better believe in karma
Zach Dempsey: my question is why are you single

You didn’t really understood the question. You rubbed your eyes and yawned.

You: what do you mean
Zach Dempsey: I mean, you’re beautiful and smart and funny and I just don’t get how can you not have a boyfriend

You froze. Before you could realize the huge mistake you were making, you sent him the most stupid confession ever.

You: I couldn’t date anyone because you’re the one that I like, and it’s like a lot

Your eyes widened when your own words sunk in. You really should have stopped the conversation when you had the chance. Damn it, damn it, damn it. You waited anxiously for his answer. He opened the chat, visualized your message and…

He ignored it.

You even waited a few minutes but there was no response. “Well, congratulations (Y/N), you ruined everything as usual”, you thought, and climbed up your bed. You picked up your blankets from the floor and covered your ashamed and self loathing body.

It felt like you had just fallen asleep when a noise woke you up. Scared, you almost fell on the floor. It sounded like… knocks?

You picked up a baseball bat you kept on the floor (just for hitting strangers because you couldn’t even play any sports) and looked around. Suddenly, you saw Zach outside your window.

“Oh my god!” you whispered, in shock, and opened the lock so he could come inside. “What are you doing here? Jesus I only have my pajamas on!”

You covered yourself with your arms, which made Zach laugh.

“I came here because I wanted to know if what you said was true. You know, the I-like-you-a-lot thing” he asked in a serious tone.

“God just forget I said it, it’s embarrassing really” you looked away from him.

“I don’t think so”

“Well, that’s because you don’t have feelings for someone who doesn’t like you back” you whispered, trying not to get your parents attention.

Suddenly, Zach’s hands were on your waist and he pulled you close, with nothing but an inch of air between your bodies. Your heart started beating like crazy. One of his hands went up to your jaw and caressed it. His fingers made their way to your lips, separating them.

“Who said anything about not liking back?” he whispered too, and then pressed his lips against yours.

——————————–

Sooo I hope you liked it, I’m sorry if it’s different from what you expected!

so it finally got cleared what the jack drama is and honestly i’m not even gonna say anything about it because i know everyone is gonna get over it. does anyone remember that one period of time when EVERYONE hated finn? (i never did but some of my old friends did and even unfollowed him off social media) well i remember and it was bad. all i would ever see was pictures of the stranger things cast and finn getting blurred out of them and people just saying rude things about finn. it even got to the point that i would have to pretend i wasn’t a finn stan with my friends just to not get bashed on. once i even posted a cute video of finn singing and i had to delete it because all the comments were “oh my god you’re a finn stan…ew” i’m not going to get into what the whole drama with finn was because frankly, it was so stupid i can’t even remember. well anyway long story short, all those people that hated finn, THEY PRAISE HIM NOW AS IF NOTHING EVER HAPPENED. everyone just got over it and thank god they did because finn is a little angel and deserves nothing but love. i bet this is the same situation with jack. sure he laughed at a very rude joke, but i mean who doesn’t. even if you don’t find that particular joke funny, you can’t say you’ve never laughed at a joke that you really shouldn’t have been laughing at. give the kid a break god damn it.