not really funny but i laughed anyway

anonymous asked:

whoa ok step back, daedalus built a cow suit for a woman who wanted to fuck a bull and that's why the minotaur WAS A THING? I DID NOT KNOW THIS

I honestly think that I’d be doing you a great disservice if I didn’t tell you about the time Daedalus enabled rampant bestiality, so allow me to clear this gap in your knowledge. 

Anyone who doesn’t want to read a poorly retold myth about a man who built a cow suit so realistic that it totally fooled a magic bull into laying down some absolutely quality homo-bovine dick and siring a minotaur should probably press J on their keyboard right now, but honestly if that synopsis doesn’t do it for you then you should probably just quit Greek mythology all together.

So, Minos is this guy who manages to achieve the dual feat of being both King of Crete and an incorrigible asshole. Also, the first achievement is a really tenuous one, because Minos has like a billion brothers and he’s basically Malcolm in the Middle and all his brothers are better looking than him and they have way better abs and it’s really awkward every year at Christmas because they’re all “could you pass the stuffing, Minos? Also you’re totally stuffed because I’m going to be king one day haha suck it, right on” and so Minos starts to get really worried that he’s going to lose the throne to one of his more lustrous-locked brothers and then he’ll be stuck with just the one achievement of being an incorrigible asshole and so he has a little brood and he comes up with a plan. 

One day, he goes up to Poseidon, god of the sea and all things wet (or at least that’s what he tells girls at the Olympus nightclubs) and he’s like “hey, Poseidon, could you do me a solid?” and Poseidon is like “no bro but I can do you a liquid” and they have a little manly giggle and then Minos says “no but really, I need a favour” and Poseidon is like “well, you just gave me a golden opportunity to mock the states of matter, I’m 100% up for doing any favour you want” and Minos says “well, you know how I have loads of brothers” and Poseidon is like “you mean the better looking ones?” and Minos pouts and says “looks aren’t everything, but yes, those ones” and Poseidon is like “go on” and Minos says “well, I need them to stop trying to steal the throne because it’s getting really annoying and also I can’t sleep at night any more and it’s driving my hot wife insane, could you maybe show that you totally support me being King of Crete? That way, they’ll definitely stop being dicks at Christmas” and Poseidon just nods and says “I have a great idea for how I can do this”

and Minos is like “wow, are you going to send down an army of merpeople and slaughter all my brothers in a righteous and watery battle?” and Poseidon is like “no” and Minos says “are you going to conjure up a giant tidal wave and make it destroy all my brothers’ homes but leave my palace totally intact?” and Poseidon is like “no” and Minos says “well, are you going to turn all my brothers into mermen?” and Poseidon is like “look, I’m going to send you a bull”

and Minos just blinks and says “a bull” and Poseidon nods and grins and says “yes, a bull” and Minos says “THAT’S bull” and Poseidon points behind him and says “no, THAT’S a bull” and then he brings out this fucking phenomenal bull. Like, this bull puts all other bulls to shame. It’s glowing white and it’s as big as two ordinary bulls and probably twice as virile. It’s basically overcompensation in taurine form. Anyway, this bull is so bitchin’ that immediately, all of Minos’ brothers are like “wow, nope, you can keep that throne, we don’t want Poseidon to sic his sick bull on us” and basically Minos lives happily ever after with his incredible bull.

Until eventually Poseidon shows up at Minos’ palace and says “hey, Minos, you know that really awesome bull I lent you a while back?” and Minos is like “what bull” and Poseidon is like “the magical snow white bull which gleamed in the Cretan sun like limestone and Apollo’s cheekbones” and Minos is like “oh, THAT bull” and Poseidon is like “yes, that bull, now where is it because I’m having a bull party next week and I really want it back” and Minos says “well, here’s the thing, and it’s kind of a funny story really and I’m sure we’ll laugh about it later, maybe we could even laugh about it now, ha, but anyway all jokes aside I’m keeping the bull” and Poseidon is all “like fuck you’re keeping that bull, it’s my best bull, this is bullshit” and Minos is like “that’s one of the hazards of keeping a bull, maybe you’re not cut out for it” and Poseidon says “you haven’t heard the end of this, Minos, you have made a very powerful and watery enemy” and he leaves and Minos goes and, like, pets the bull or something, I don’t know what you do with bulls.

So, Poseidon goes back to his soggy lair and formulates a plan, and he eventually comes up with something straight out of Quentin Tarantino’s brie-induced nightmares. He goes to find Aphrodite, the goddess of love and afternoon delight, and says “hey Aphrodite, first of all you look delectable and secondly I need you to help me make a woman bang a bull” and Aphrodite is like “I honestly hate this job sometimes, but you’re right, I do look delectable, tell me more” and Poseidon is like “I had this really sweet bull and I lent it to Minos so he would think I liked him and now he won’t give it back and so I need you to make his wife fall in love with the bull, it’s a foolproof vengeance plan” and Aphrodite says “you are a god” and Poseidon says “yes” and Aphrodite says “why can’t you just, you know, take back the bull with your divine power?” and Poseidon is like “look, are you going to make this woman fall in love with the bull or not” and Aphrodite is like “fuck yes, that sounds hilarious, consider it done and I want front row seats” and Poseidon is like “you are my favourite niece and occasional lover, I owe you one”

Back to the palace at Crete, where Minos’ wife, Pasiphaë, is lounging about on a contemporary equivalent to a chaise-lounge when she suddenly gets this unmistakable urge to do the do with a bull - but not just any bull, her loins quiver only for the bull in her husband’s barnyard. Instead of doing what most people would do when they realise they have an insatiable urge to make tender love to a bull and immediately committing herself to months of therapy, she thinks “I know what I have to do” and she picks up the contemporary equivalent of a phone and calls Daedalus, inventor and architect extraordinaire.

She’s all “hey, Daedalus, we have patient confidentiality, right?” and Daedalus is like “I’m not your doctor, so no” and she’s like “well, I’m your Queen, so how about you say ‘yes’ instead and I tell you what I want?” and Daedalus is like “my lips are sealed, tell me what you need” and she’s all “well, there’s this really rad guy and I totally want to just lay him down and lick chocolate sauce off his body, but there’s a hitch in my plan” and Daedalus says “yeah, you’re married” and Pasiphaë says “yes, and also he’s a bull” and Daedalus is like “do you mean he’s well hung or” and Pasiphaë is like “look man you gotta help me on this, I need me some sweet bullocking and only you can help me” and Daedalus says “I’ll do what I can, but I hope you have a damn good shower at your palace because I may need to use it for about 6 weeks afterwards” and she’s like “done, now get over here and get me some”

So Daedalus turns up and helps her, and in the blink of an eye, he’s built her this monstrous wooden cow suit. Now, the myth is not exactly clear on the mechanics of this bovine sex toy, but it’s established that Pasiphaë gets into the cow suit and goes to find her bullock beau and they make sweet, sweet cattle love all day and all night. I do not know how she manoeuvres herself inside this wooden furry abomination and frankly I do not want to know, but whatever she does is 100% successful because 9 months later she gives birth to another furry abomination. The good news is that he’s a healthy, bouncing baby boy. The bad news is that he is half baby and half bull and also he has this really annoying habit that most newborns don’t have of eating people, which means that Minos is the definition of Not Impressed with his new stepson, so he does what any sane human would do in this situation, and he calls Daedalus. 

Daedalus says “I’m in the shower, what do you want?” and Minos is like “look, my wife has committed a slight indiscretion and I need you to take care of the result” and Daedalus is like “she fucked a bull and she’s had a grotesque hybrid baby, hasn’t she” and Minos narrows his eyes and says “how do you know?” and Daedalus says “just a stab in the dark, mate, I had no hand in this at all, literally none, just let me wash my hands a minute and I’ll be right back” and Minos is like “just build something to trap that devil spawn, because it’s started to eat my servants and I never even wanted a stepson anyway, it’s just one more claim to the throne isn’t it” and Daedalus is like “dude, give me a week and it’ll be done”

and so Daedalus constructs this impenetrable labyrinth that’s so impregnable that Daedalus nearly gets lost on the way out, and they lob the minotaur tot right into the middle of it, and that’s that.

Except then the minotaur starts demanding the sacrifice of seven young men every year, who are tossed into the labyrinth and forced to play a fatal game of cat and mouse with a grotesque superpowered man-bull creature that will ultimately devour them, flesh from bone, at the heart of a labyrinth that only he can navigate, but that’s a story for another myth. Or The Maze, starring Dylan O’Brien, out in a multiplex near you.

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Wait wait wait, did you just make a joke?

•I am in love with the idea of Keith making jokes so only hunk can really hear
•and they are GOOD
•Hunk has laughed so hard hes cryed over some of them
•one time Keith’s joke got him so good that he skipped the laughter and went straight to crying
•but Keith is sneaky
•and no one EVER hears him exept Hunk
•Hunk is loosing it™
•cause
•I SWEAR GUYS KEITH IS FUNNY HE MAKES JOKES I SWEAR LANCE YOU BELIEVE ME RIGHT
•LANCE!
•LANCE?
•im sorry buddy but ??? Keith has literally never???
•Hunk looking at Keith
•hes so smug
•Hunk making the “im watching you” gesture
• Keith taking it as a CHALLENGE
•a challenge to get sneakeyer and funnier
•when they are heading to their lion
•right before they enter a room with everyone else
•as hunk is taking a sip of space juice so he does a spit take all over lance and pidge
•at the table when Keith walks behind hunks chair
•Keith is brutal with his jokes tbh
•they are always relevant to something going on
•"Are we sure Galra Keith isn’t evil??? I think he’s tring to make me laugh to death! Is that possible?“
•Keith is so happy to have a thing™ with Hunk
•he feels so proud of himself whenever Hunk laughs
•he did that he made him happy
•Keith would do anything to make that laugh and that smile stick around
•and he finds that making jokes like this is a great stress relief for both of them so thats a plus
•keith dosnt know when he started to automatically seak out Hunk when entering a room
•Hunk doesnt know when he started keeping a constant eye out for Keith
•really tho if you see one of them you probably see the other too and they are probably most definitely both trying to stifle a laughing fit

listen as someone on the autistic spectrum, I can’t express how happy I am with Billy Cranston as a character.

A lot of the representation of autism/Aspergers I’ve seen in the media has been people who are typically cold/casually insult people/being pushed away or looked down on/overall just pretty negative.

But Billy Cranston..he is a beautiful soul. The biggest stereotype of people on the autistic spectrum is that we “don’t have feelings” or are “really apathetic”. Yeah a lot of us have difficulty understanding other people but that’s because our brains just function differently like a lot of us really do try to understand others because we want people to understand us! And when we see characters that have autistic traits (a lot of the time we don’t get characters that are canonically autistic so we have to look for our representation through characters with traits) being rude and deliberately dismissive of other people’s feelings (a certain detective and a scientist from two highly overrated shows come to mind😒) it’s really harmful to us and supports those stereotypes.

Billy Cranston is not dismissive and rude. He is full of love for his friends. He tries to understand the people around him, probably because a lot of people in a small town don’t try to understand him.

Yes his “quirks” are played for laughs a lot but it’s in no way offensive and is genuinely funny (I mean to me anyway, there were a lot of things he does in the film that I’m guilty of, like not understanding social queues and keep talking and not realising I’m repeating things).

And finally Power Rangers does something with Billy Cranston and his autism that a lot of movies/TV shows don’t do with their autistic characters (if there are any) and that is unapologetically celebrate him. To me, Billy was the heart and soul of the movie.

So can we please have more autistic characters that aren’t rude white man-children who’s disabilities are played for laughs, thanks.

listen, jontron has been horrible since GG’s inception. 
i mean that doesn’t make any of the recent and not-so-recent BATSHIT GARBAGE he’s said any less BATSHIT, but i’m just shocked it took him agreeing with Actual White Supremacists and his racist tirade in that debate stream to get people to realize that his ~Ironic Racism/Misogyny/Transphobia over all these years has either transformed into or always was genuine racism/misogyny/transphobia.
(rape mention past this point.) anyway my awakening moment was back in highschool (actually probably 2013 now that i think about it) watching GG for the first time, the iconic sonic 06 playthrough and thinking it was really funny!! i remember my face hurting from smiling and laughing so much. at least until jontron straight up said he wanted to rape a female NPC they ran into. and as a teenage girl AT THAT EXACT POINT IN TIME dealing with sexual assault and rape joke harassment shit from a male classmate, and watching funny videos on the internet to forget about what i was dealing with, that “joke” wiped the smile off my face and i immediately started crying and closed the video instantly and never finished watching the playthrough or touched another GG video until years after danny replaced jon. (and even then i didn’t stick around super long either - my mexican ass can only stand so many ~ironic~ ‘dirty mexican’ jokes and bad ‘accent humor’, even if not as overtly horrible as jon had been.)
anyway my point is that it’s just really funny that people who had been SAYING all these years that “he’s just kidding!! him saying rapey and racist things are just jokes!!!” are for some reason shocked now that it turns out he wasn’t joking at all, as if a totally not racist or misogynistic person would think it’s okay or be comfortable enough to joke about those things to begin with. it’s almost as funny as the fact that jontron thinks him making those kinds of comments has no effect on the audience he seems to crave so badly!!! (read: his non white, jewish, female, disabled, and victims of sexual assault former fans who got tired of his shit. not to mention alienating his ‘heroes’ like neil c. for openly being a pos where neil could see it LMAO.)

TL;DR: jontron has literally always been shit, he’s just been a lot louder about it lately bc he’s managed to weed out all his decent fans and left only his nasty hugbox who never challenge his racist rapey self.

Okay but...

Think of this, Lance having to put up so many masks that he loses sight of who he is.

I might be self projecting but coming from a really fuckin big family I have to throw up acts to suit certain family members or else I’d have to face them complaining to my parents (and thus getting the ruler/cane/umbrella/sometimes pens of dEATH) and/or just having to deal with their disappointment.

So since lance comes from a big family that’s what he does? And he does it so often that by the time he reaches the Garrison and later on joins Voltron everything is just a mask bc he doesn’t know what to think and doesn’t know who he is. But the team doesn’t know? Bc this is all they’ve known about lance and by now he’s so good at masking himself it’s almost like a second skin.

Ok then cue them going to an alien planet who’s been able to resist the Galra’s for sometime and they wanna make an alliance with the alien planet bc they could use the allies. But the aliens are really strict and they don’t take no funny business like flirting or whatever. So when they get to the planet they decide Lance might need to stay behind bc he’s an impulsive guy and might fuck things up. But it’d be weird if only one paladin was missing right? So it’s just Allura and Coran that go down to greet the alien race.

But the alien leader is unimpressed and is like “where is voltron how do we know you’re legit?” (More serious like but meh I’m too lazy fuck it). So they have no choice but to let Lance and the rest of voltron out of the castle. Everyone’s keeping an eye on Lance (and Keith kinda but moreso lance) but they’re so surprised when his entire attitude changes? He’s serious, answers questions eloquently and is standing like he’s some army soldier or something like that.

They’re all so surprised bc wtf Lance how are you so good at acting? But they have to put it out of their mind bc hello alliance and fighting Zarkon. The alliance is made successfully and they leave to which Lance just reverts back to his normal self but only after an hour after leaving the planet (bc from experience it takes time to dismantle one mask and then put on another)

Then during one of their calmer weeks where there isn’t much news or fighting, someone (pidge maybe?) offhandedly mentions how Lance acted during their stay on that planet. (And Lance isn’t there he’s doing his beauty guru stuff) And everyone is like “oh yeah wtf was up with that” and someone else just jokingly says “Lmao what if Lance is acting with us too?” And everyone’s laughing bc this is Lance and no way this is Lance we’re talking about.

Lance enters the room when someone makes that joke and he’s like “yeah I am” and everyone nervously laughs bc “haha yeah really funny Lance you’re just joking right?” And he just is so serious for once and “no I’m not”. Cue Long conversation on why he’d feel the need to put on a mask around them bc they’re family and Lance talking about his insecurities with the team and there’s crying and cuddles and everyone is talking about their internal problems bc “we need to get these off our chests anyways.”.
Shiro is afraid that he won’t be a good leader and will one day lead them to disaster.
Pidge is afraid she’ll never find her family and that she’ll one day lose them as well.
Keith is afraid of his heritage and one day just bringing the whole team down bc of that.
Hunk is afraid of not being able to protect the team properly.
Allura is afraid that they’ll never defeat Zarkon and that she might lose the team too.
Coran is afraid of losing the team, Allura everything. (And if you want for comedic effect Slav just appears and is like “I’m afraid of dying but this conversation has increased our chances of living by 67%! And there’s watery laughter as they pull Slav in for a hug too)

There’s more cuddles and the team wakes up the next day with disgusting crusty eyes and pillows that still have tear streaks on them. Everyone is grossed out bc someone (Hunk maybe lmao) drooled and there’s calls of “EWWW” mixed in with laughter and everyone feels lighter and mildly happier. And if for a moment just a small one, Lance feels a flicker of who he really is of the him without all the masks.

Of course not everything is fixed right away, when is it anyways? There’s still relapses where Lance pretends to be something he isn’t in reaction to a situation that he doesn’t know how to react to, and then there’s more cuddles and the team taking care of him. Sometimes Shiro dissolves into panic attacks, sometimes Keith just starts shouting for no reason, sometimes Pidge just starts sobbing when something reminds her of her family, sometimes Hunk’s screams can be heard throughout the castle as he has nightmares of his team dying bc he wasn’t able to save them, sometimes Allura overworks herself into exhaustion, sometimes Coran has to just constantly check on each member of the team every 5 minutes and he’s always nervous and scared when he does so. But the team is always there to help each other out, there’s bonding nights with huge cuddle piles, forts made from huge pillows and blankets, sad movies that end with sniffles or sobs, funny movies that end with people crying from laughter. They’re all a little broken but it’s okay bc the team will always be there.

And bc I’m a cruel bitch, imagine the teams reactions when Shiro disappears after all this happens :) and then when Lance is captured by Prince Lotor :)))))))

I love y'all don’t forget :)

(Reasoning why Lance would just admit he was acting: I’m probably self projecting again but tbh when I’m caught out and someone asks me if I’m just acting I don’t mind admitting it. Maybe subconsciously I know I’ve really lost myself and I might need the help so that’s why I admitted it. But also bc I don’t see the point in doing the whole cliche “w-what? No I’m not this is the real me” bullshit bc 100% of the time no one who actually cares about you will believe that, and Lance RECOGNISES that the team DOES care about him even though his lack of self esteem and overwhelming self doubt often makes him doubt that fact.)

(Also I’m really new to the Voltron fandom so I’m sorry if my writing is crappy and the characters are a little ooc pls forgive this child I’m trying my best)

(New edit: I also have a lot of really cool ideas on how to continue on from Shiro being missing so if y'all want me to continue just ask-)

In case anyone was wondering about the Polish immigrants, England thing i referenced in the previous post:

 Basically when i was living in the UK I was in a program that granted us living space in one of the most expensive areas of London, and we had a maid service that would come to clean every other day.  The entire staff of the maid service was Eastern European women, but the ones that specifically cleaned my unit were Polish and had severe difficulty with English. 

Because me and the people I was with had manners and were largely middle class Americans, we were all uncomfortable with the concept of just sitting there while someone cleaned around us. So we did this thing where, whenever the maids came, we would also get up and clean with them and then we would thank them for helping and tip them. 

At first they were ferociously uncomfortable with what was going on because I think they perceived us as thinking they were so bad at their jobs that they needed to be watched/cleaned up after. But one of my roommates got a polish/english dictionary and explained, and they were like really really touched?  But in that way that waiters get when you’re actually nice to them after hundreds of customers treat them like shit? which tbh was the first red flag but i was too American to realize it at the time. 

Anyway, we just kind of shrugged it off like whatever and kind of made friends with them.

Later on, I was hanging out with some people actually from London and I told the story about the miscommunication with maids to them as a funny “lol american behavior” story, kind of expecting them to just laugh. Or to agree with me that having maids was weird as a middle class person, but instead what I got was this horrifying tirade about how Eastern Europeans are coming illegally and stealing jobs and bringing crime

And suddenly, like getting slapped in the face, I realized that they were perceiving and reacting to these people exactly the way people in America do to Mexican immigrants. 

Like on every level.

Literally any blanket statement you’ve ever heard people in America make about Mexicans, I eventually heard someone English say about Eastern Europeans. It was disgusting, but also very illuminating. 

On the whole, it was so shocking to me, that my entire world view on “whiteness” shifted in that moment and I decided to do more research about it, and pay attention to the concept significantly more closely. 

The first thing I learned
is that (super basic) concept about “whiteness is ur skincolor!!!1!!” is an incredibly American perspective that really has more bearing in our short 250 year history, than literally anywhere or any time else on earth.

The second thing that I learned is that there are whole swathes of “white skinned people” who aren’t regionally considered white and are treated rather similarly (both socially and intersectionally) to the way POC are treated in America. 

The third thing I learned
is that even in America, whiteness is more complex than just “skin color” and that there was a literal slow pecking order of who got to “Become” white when in our history. And that most of our surface level race discourse is based on the lie that whiteness is inherent and physical, not recent, structural and granted. 

The fourth thing I learned was about the entire concept that one could “become white” is also attached to the concept that one could “lose whiteness”, which tbh is a little scary to me and I’m not even white myself. 

I am currently learning about “losing whiteness” in america and the roots of american racism (who decided this? why did they decide this? who benefits from this structure? what is a race issue and what is a class issue? How are ways to fix this? what are the negative aspects of the social positioning of whiteness on the working class as a whole? how can i improve my general discourse on this subject while being less focused on my American Perspective?)

I am almost done researching that, and I am starting to move on to class based struggle as it includes racism/xenophobia as a red herring, regarding obscuring the transfer of wealth from the general public to the hands of the few so if y’all got information on that send it my way.


Anyway, long story short, every day is a day to learn something new. 

Two can play at this game

April Fools’ Day… the Snowbaz possibilities are endless. Also: @snowbaz-feda looks great and everyone should go check it out


March 31.

BAZ:

‘What did you do to him?’

Snow’s girlfriend has followed me out of the dining hall, her hands on her hips and her pretty eyes glaring.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I say, arching one eyebrow, and it’s true; I have no fucking clue what she’s on about, except that it’s about Snow. Everything is about Snow.

‘So this isn’t your doing?’ Her eyes are still squinted suspiciously.

‘Sadly, I can’t take credit for whatever has befallen Snow, but I’d love to hear about it.’ I pretend that I’m not worried. I tell myself that I’m glad if he’s hurt.

She huffs. ‘Just stay away from him, Baz.’

‘That’s going to be difficult, given that we share a room,’ I drawl. I suppose it’s no use telling her that I can never get far enough away from him. (I can never get close enough, either.)

‘I’m serious. I know you’re enemies and all, but that’s just politics. If you break his heart I swear Penelope will curse you so hard you’ll still be screaming from across the Veil. Hell, I’ll even do it myself.’ She’s practically spitting fire at this point.

‘Wellbelove, what the fuck are you on about?’

She sighs and crosses her arms. ‘Simon broke up with me.’

I try to squash down the hopeful feeling in my chest. It’s not like this is going to do me any good. (Anything is possible). (No, not this.)

‘My condolences,’ I say drily. ‘Or perhaps I should deliver them to Snow.’

‘He broke up with me because of you,’ she snaps. ‘Because of his feelings for you.’

‘Excuse me?’ I try not to let it show on my face. How fast my heart is beating. How much I want this to be true.

‘Just don’t use this to hurt him,’ she insists. ‘That would be low, even for you. Just leave him alone.’

‘Sorry, I’m still stuck on the part where you said Snow has feelings for me?’ My voice sounds too high.

‘Yeah, well, so am I,’ Wellbelove mutters. ‘I mean it, Baz. Don’t hurt him.’

‘What makes you think I can?’ Either Wellbelove is mistaken, or I must be hallucinating. Snow can’t have feelings for me. Snow hates me. He thinks I’m every kind of evil he’s ever known.

‘Because he told me,’ she says. ‘He says he’s in love with you, and I sure hope for his sake that it’s not true. I know you don’t think I’m much of a threat but I promise you, if you hurt someone I care about, I’ll fucking end you.’

‘Right,’ I say. I’m not scared of Wellbelove, but the way she’s looking at me right now, maybe I judged her too quickly. I want to tell her that she doesn’t need to worry, because I’m so in love with Simon Snow that even on good days I think it’s going to kill me, and all of this sounds way too good to be true.

‘I mean it,’ she says, and turns to walk away.

‘Noted,’ I manage to choke out, and now that her back is turned, I let the mask fall. I’m standing rooted to the spot staring after her with what must be a completely shell-shocked look on my face and – Aleister fucking Crowley.

Simon Snow can’t be in love with me. It’s impossible. It’s brilliant.

I look back through the door to the dining hall, and I see Wellbelove walk back to her table, and I realise Snow has been watching for her to come back.

Wait. There’s something I’m missing.

Why would she tell me that Snow has feelings for me, if she thinks I’m going to use it to hurt him?

And then I remember. Today is the last day of March. And that means tomorrow…

I draw in a sharp breath. It feels like I’ve been kicked in the gut. Fuck him. I fucking believed her, even if it was just for a minute. Fuck him for doing this to me. I want to march in there and drag him out of his chair and beat the living daylights out of him (I don’t. I don’t want to hurt him). I want to break down and cry, right here in front of the entire school. Natasha Pitch’s son, the vampire, a heartbroken, sobbing mess.

Alright. Fine, Snow. Fucking fine.

Two can play at this game.


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WHAT ALL ASTRO BLOGS NEED TO HEAR

After being in the astro community for quite a while now, I’ve noticed a number of different ways that people make mistakes and assumptions. I’m very passionate about the way that astrology is received by the world, and I want it to be a practice that is RESPECTED and possibly even accepted by everyone (eventually). Here are some ways that astro blogs tend to invalidate astrology.

*DISCLAIMER* - I am not targeting any specific people. I’m a Virgo moon, and I only want people to become better astrologers and improve the way astrology is used on this website. And I also want everyone to think more before they post! I’m a naturally critical person and want to fix things, but I don’t want anyone to take personal offense to it (my Libra mars wouldn’t like that!). 

- Using sun sign alone. People rely heavily on sun-sign ONLY astrology. Why do people insist on only talking about sun signs? This is just one slice of someone’s personality - there is a whole chart that needs to be looked at, showing that each person has many other qualities other than the ones expressed by their sun. This is not real astrology, and never has been. This is the astrology created by popular media. Most people will not relate to their sun sign in posts anyway unless the post is about their ego, central identity, and general personality. Most astro bloggers make posts that are not about those things, yet they still insist on writing using sun sign instead of another planet that would be much more accurate. Before you write, think about which planet it would REALLY apply to. Please read my post here for a more detailed explanation of this.

- Forgetting your audience. When reading posts, most people ASSUME that the sun sign is the placement the post would apply to. For example, if the post says “Aquarius in love”, 99% of people (especially newcomers to astrology) try to relate it to Aquarius sun - when in fact, this would need to relate to Aquarius venus since venus is the planet of love. Aquarius suns would not have the qualities that this post describes, unless they have an Aquarius venus as well. Even some highly respectable blogs do this - they forget their audience. They don’t realize that most people don’t understand the way the planets work. I see this most often with sun sign posts, but it could also be true for others. Like, there could be a post about the moon signs that really would actually relate more to mercury. The idea is, remember that people don’t know right off the bat which placement the post would apply to. Help them out! Less people will write off your posts as inaccurate if you do this anyway.

- Including the 13th sign Ophiuchus. Just, no. Please don’t. This was a hoax created by NASA to try to prove astrology false. Astrology isn’t based on the constellations anyway, so there is no 13th sign. It’s based on the sections of the sky - they just happen to be named after certain constellations. The signs haven’t shifted. Read my post here about this for more information.

- Generalizing the signs. “Geminis are talkative and full of gossip!!!” “Cancers are soooo emotional and cry all the time!!!” “Leos want to hog the spotlight 24/7!!!!” Honestly, generalizing only leads to people getting upset. Not to mention the fact that it’s completely inaccurate. Most Geminis are not gossipy, most Cancers are not crybabies, and most Leos are not attention hogs. This could even happen with other planet placements (like moon signs or rising signs), I just happen to see it mostly with sun signs. These kind of posts are made by the same people who tend to only write about sun sign away. Read a real description of the sun signs (I recommend cafeastrology.com), or don’t say anything at all. The signs are complex, and can’t be labeled. Also, people don’t realize that all placements and signs can be either introverted or extroverted. They assume that the air/fire signs are extroverted and the earth/water signs are introverted. Sun signs cannot be limited to one personality type - not to mention the fact that the expression of introversion vs. extroversion is actually shown by the rising sign because that is the “shell” that the world sees. See my post here about how the rising signs can be both introverted and extroverted.

- Grouping the signs into categories. I’m sure everyone reading this has seen a post where half of the signs will be in one category and half of the signs will be in another. This isn’t accurate astrology. Signs cannot be grouped or limited - they are unique, and have 12 individual forms of expression. Limiting them to two or three categories makes astrology simple and trite, when in fact it is extremely complex (but fascinating). It’d be one thing if they grouped them by element (earth, air, water, fire), modality (cardinal, mutable, fixed), but most don’t even do that. It’s literally random most of the time. If you’re going to group the signs, at least offer an explanation why you put each sign in each category.

- Dismissing signs or placements as simply compatible or incompatible. Let’s be real here - each sign has the potential to be compatible with ANY sign. Also, compatibility should focus more on moon or venus sign as opposed to sun sign. Sun sign compatibility just determines the kind of general energy that would surround the relationship. Compatibility is complex. Instead of saying whether or not two people are compatible, say WHY. Show, for example, how their moon signs are different elements, how their venus signs are sextile, and how their rising signs are sister signs. Show how one person’s moon sign is the same sign as the other person’s sun sign. Compatibility is really about connections, anyway. Read my post here for more information.

- Basing astrology just on people you know. Not all Scorpios are energetic just because your best friend is. The reality is, your friend is a Sagittarius rising with an Aries mars. This has nothing to do with her being a Scorpio. When you make posts basing the information solely on one or two people you know, this is spreading false information. This could mean that readers would then assume in the future that all Scorpios are energetic just from reading your post. I hate to break it to you, but a lot of people believe everything they read. Especially if they’re beginners to astrology. Please do your best not to influence them to make assumptions.

- Posting without knowledge. You’d be surprised how much this one comes up. If you don’t know a lot about Taurus moons, don’t make a post about them. Simple as that. Play to your strengths to avoid spreading false information. Again, people believe everything they read more often than you think.

- Giving astrology a bad name. Astrology is fun. If you’re reading this, you probably would agree with me. But, there’s a difference between “fun” astrology that is accurate and “fun” astrology that just makes astrology a complete joke. “The signs as types of peanut butter” doesn’t improve people’s knowledge at all. I mean, sure, you could say it’s funny, but it really isn’t. It’s just pointless, and only serves to make readers think that astrology is a joke. Most people who make these don’t consider that people look at them and assume that that’s all astrology is. Every post you make is influencing people’s perception of the subject. Again, at least offer an explanation for WHY an Aries would sleep with five pillows if you’re really going to make a post about the number of pillows the signs sleep with. Chances are, you don’t have one anyway. Sure, you can say all you want that I’m “taking the fun out of it!!!!” or something. But I’m really not. I just want astrology to be perceived as something that really works, not something people make fun of. I’m sick of people laughing at astrology for the wrong reasons - and joke posts are not helping. You can make astrology accurate AND funny. Here’s an example of a post I made about the venus signs that people found amusing, yet also related to at the same time.

I really like you, you know? (Zach Dempsey x Reader)

Request: “Can I request a fic with Zach where the reader and Zach are snapchatting. The reader is really sleepy because she’s been staying up late to get homework done and being so tired, she accidently tells Zach she likes him a lot. (Can it be fluffy and a little angsty?)”

————————————

It was still 4:30p.m., but you were already tired and longing for your bed. You tried really hard to keep your eyes open, but they had their way of beating you. Finally, you gave up. You got up from the table you were occupying on the school’s library, picked up your stuff and walked home.

The second you got into your room, you took of your shoes and slowly climbed into your bed. You hadn’t even closed your eyes yet when your phone lighted up and buzzed.

“How hard is it for a girl to get her beauty sleep in this wicked world?” you mumbled like a real drama queen, talking to the walls. You reached out lazily for your phone and, suddenly, all your complains went away. The top notification was a Snapchat from Zach Dempsey.

After waiting a while (in your mind, opening it up too quickly would make him think you were desperate), you finally saw his chat. It was just random letters, probably sent by mistake. You rolled your eyes, not believing you created all that expectation in your head. What were you thinking? That Zach freaking Dempsey snapchatted you saying he was madly crushing you?

You sent a question mark back and put your phone away. It only took five seconds for it to buzz again.

“You have got to be kidding me”

You didn’t want to look, all you wanted was a nice nap. Your curiosity spoke louder, and you picked it back up.

Zach Dempsey: Oh hello Y/N this is Zach and I stare at your Snapchat stories like an idiot
Zach Dempsey: I’m lovesick because of uuuuuu
Zach Dempsey: let me be the juliet to your romeo
Zach Dempsey: I’m juliet coz I’m a little girl

You realized it was one of his friends joking around, and laugh softly. You decided to mess around too.

You: I knew it.
Zach Dempsey: that I’m a little girl????
You: oh yeah. it’s common knowledge.

Video call from : Zach Dempsey

You didn’t expect this. You didn’t know if you should pick up or not. You decided to go on with the game, so you fixed your hair and made sure you looked okay. You pressed “answer” and Justin Foley’s face showed up on the screen. It looked like they were at the gymnasium, probably practicing basketball.

“Yo Dempsey! I got your phone man” Justin yelled, and the camera focused on Zach, who was standing at the other side of the gym. “You shouldn’t have told me your password!”

“Dude what are you doing?” Zach rushed over and tried to get his phone out of Justin’s hands. You giggled and, with that sound, Dempsey just stopped moving. “Foley. What was that?”

Justin showed him the screen, and his eyes widened when he saw your face.

“Well hello there” you said, not knowing what to do.

“Y/N, hi. I-uh, hang on, I’ll call you back okay?” The screen went black and his face disappeared. You waited for the call and, since it didn’t came, you tried to sleep again. Unsuccessfully, you should add.

Grumbling, you kicked your covers away, picked up your books and started studying again in your desk.

———

You were so entertained by your homework you almost missed the notification from Zach. Almost. You unlocked your phone and checked it out.

Zach Dempsey: Hey, I’m sorry for earlier. Justin is an idiot
You: It’s okay 😂

You weren’t really expecting an answer after that, but fortunately it came.

Zach Dempsey: well anyway
Zach Dempsey: wyd?

You gave the pile of papers and books in front of you a sad glance.

You: homework. u?
Zach Dempsey: just chillin I guess

You sighed, jealous of his procrastination.

You: let’s trade please, I can’t stand biology anymore
Zach Dempsey: send all the bio stuff for me. I’ll do it for you, I love bio

What a cutie. He loved bio.

You: don’t give me ideas, Dempsey. I’ll send it for real
Zach Dempsey: lol
Zach Dempsey: you can come over some day and I’ll give you a hand

Oh my god. Zach invited you to his place. You and him, at his house. What a time to be alive.

You: that would be nice :)
Zach Dempsey: so… I’m sorry if that’s like way too intrusive but I wanna ask something
You: dear lord… shoot

Your heart skipped a beat. Was he really going to ask you out?

Zach Dempsey: are you and colin jensen a thing?

Well, apparently not. No dates for miss (Y/N) and mr Zach Dempsey.

You: who tf is colin jensen?
Zach Dempsey: you know, skinny dude who works at crestmont

You let out a loud laugh.

You: you mean clay jensen?
Zach Dempsey: probably
Zach Dempsey: anyway
Zach Dempsey: are you guys together?
You: no sir

The conversation just went on and on, and you liked Zach more and more by the second. He was sweet and funny, and talking to him was just so nice… but you really, really needed to sleep.

You: hey, I gotta go
Zach Dempsey: why??
You: I need some sleep
Zach Dempsey: it’s eight o'clock my lady

My lady. Jesus Christ.

You: I know
You: but I didn’t sleep last night
Zach Dempsey: what were you up to?
You: at a date with my usual partner
Zach Dempsey: 🤔
Zach Dempsey: usual partner?
You: homework
Zach Dempsey: oh, I see
Zach Dempsey: but can’t you stay just a little longer?
You: that’s not a very good idea
You: sleep deprived (Y/N) usually talks more than she should
Zach Dempsey: one more reason why you should stick around w me
Zach Dempsey: this conversation is about to get interesting
Zach Dempsey: stay pleease

Well, he was asking… you guessed it couldn’t be that bad staying up just a few more minutes.

You: okay, I’ll give you some extra time
You: what do you wanna talk about?
Zach Dempsey: let’s play a game

Uh-oh.

You: what kind of game?
Zach Dempsey: nothing special, just asking each other some questions
You: ok fine, you go first
Zach Dempsey: I’ll take it easy on you because it’s the first question
Zach Dempsey: we’re just warming up
Zach Dempsey: what’s your favorite color?

You laughed again.

You: how original my man
You: green
Zach Dempsey: I’m one of a kind
Zach Dempsey: your turn
You: I’m not extending the courtesy of taking it easy, sorry
You: are you and justin dating?

He sent you a picture of his face. He was frowning, trying to cover a smile.

Zach Dempsey: you’re lame. that’s a terrible question, and the answer is no
You: that was a valid question
Zach Dempsey: there will be a payback
Zach Dempsey: you better believe in karma
Zach Dempsey: my question is why are you single

You didn’t really understood the question. You rubbed your eyes and yawned.

You: what do you mean
Zach Dempsey: I mean, you’re beautiful and smart and funny and I just don’t get how can you not have a boyfriend

You froze. Before you could realize the huge mistake you were making, you sent him the most stupid confession ever.

You: I couldn’t date anyone because you’re the one that I like, and it’s like a lot

Your eyes widened when your own words sunk in. You really should have stopped the conversation when you had the chance. Damn it, damn it, damn it. You waited anxiously for his answer. He opened the chat, visualized your message and…

He ignored it.

You even waited a few minutes but there was no response. “Well, congratulations (Y/N), you ruined everything as usual”, you thought, and climbed up your bed. You picked up your blankets from the floor and covered your ashamed and self loathing body.

It felt like you had just fallen asleep when a noise woke you up. Scared, you almost fell on the floor. It sounded like… knocks?

You picked up a baseball bat you kept on the floor (just for hitting strangers because you couldn’t even play any sports) and looked around. Suddenly, you saw Zach outside your window.

“Oh my god!” you whispered, in shock, and opened the lock so he could come inside. “What are you doing here? Jesus I only have my pajamas on!”

You covered yourself with your arms, which made Zach laugh.

“I came here because I wanted to know if what you said was true. You know, the I-like-you-a-lot thing” he asked in a serious tone.

“God just forget I said it, it’s embarrassing really” you looked away from him.

“I don’t think so”

“Well, that’s because you don’t have feelings for someone who doesn’t like you back” you whispered, trying not to get your parents attention.

Suddenly, Zach’s hands were on your waist and he pulled you close, with nothing but an inch of air between your bodies. Your heart started beating like crazy. One of his hands went up to your jaw and caressed it. His fingers made their way to your lips, separating them.

“Who said anything about not liking back?” he whispered too, and then pressed his lips against yours.

——————————–

Sooo I hope you liked it, I’m sorry if it’s different from what you expected!

BTS Reaction to you pranking him

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED! I will be posting them throughout the week! Thank you all for the support and feedback! 

Rap Monster: He would just stare at you. He wouldn’t know wether to be mad or laugh. He would eventually say “Really? Why would you think that was funny?” He’d then pull out a ring and say “Guess this can wait.” And you’d start apologizing, trying to get him to do it anyways. 

“When the time is right. You ruined it this time.” 

Suga: He’d sit there for a second and just stare at you blankly after the words “I want to break up.” No facial expression, just a blank stare. You couldn’t hold it in and start laughing, saying it was a joke. He then would get up and walk the other way. He would then just place the box in your hand, without saying anything. 

“You’re not funny but I still want to marry you.”  

Jin: I feel like he would just start to cry. Like as soon as you told him you wanted to break up, he’d ramble and try to figure out why. He’d then say “You can’t! I was going to propose to you tonight and you just can’t leave me!” You then would tell him it was a joke and try to fix the disaster you just caused. 

“Damnit y/n, THOSE KIND OF JOKES AREN’T FUNNY!” 

J-Hope: He would know you were joking. You couldn’t keep a straight face to save your life. He would then proceed to take out the ring box and say “Guess I won’t be needing this then.” He would get down on one knee and just ask you anyways. 

“Y/N? Will you not marry me?” 

Taehyung: You would tell him you wanted to break up and he would just start freaking out. “Oh no you aren’t. I just spent a lot of money on this ring. You are not breaking up with me. Nope. You don’t have a choice.” You would tell him it was a joke and try not to laugh at his tantrum. 

“I know. There is no way you’re dumping this.” 

Jimin: Being the small bean he is, he wouldn’t probably start crying. He would run his hands through his hair repeatedly. He would then just get down on one knee and propose anyways. “It’s worth a shot.” You would then tell him it was a joke and he would be relieved but wouldn’t get up from his stance. 

“Joke or not, I still want you to marry me.”

Jungkook: He knew you guys were young but he knew he wanted to be with you. When you told him you wanted to break up, he would then rethink his whole life. He would get quiet and try to figure out what had just happened. When you told him it was a joke, you would look at you then back to the blank space in front of him. He would then take out the box and smile. 

“So I shouldn’t return this then?” 

Massage (Jack Maynard Smut)

AN: sorry if this sucks, I haven’t written in so long, let me know what you think! Requests are always open!

Warnings: NSFW, unprotected sex, dirty talk


————

“Con?” I whined as I walked through his and jacks apartment door.

“He’s not here, out with Ollie.” Jack turned around to face me from the kitchen counter.

“Ughhh!” I huffed as I stormed over into their living room, plopping down face first into the couch.

“Why do you need him?” Jack asked following me.

“My back kills from work and I wanted him to massage it.” I spoke into the couch cushion.

“I could do it, I was the one who taught him how anyway,” Jack rolled his eyes, I turned my head to look at him.

“Really? You’d do that for me?” I smiled.

“Of course, YN.” He rolled his eyes.

“But I’m wearing a dress..”

“Nothing I haven’t seen before, babe.” He chuckled as I blushed.

Jack and I were best friends, and of course best friends do crazy shit, like skinny dip together or even sometimes accidentally see each other change.

“Alright, but no funny shit.” He laughed and nodded before straddling my legs.

I felt my dress being slowly pulled up to my shoulders, exposing my bare ass.

His hands started putting pressure on my sore spots and they instantly started to feel better.

“That feels so damn good.” I hummed into the cushion.

Jack started adding my pressure on my sore spots, earning my moans from me.

“Fuck Jack,” I moaned, his grip on my waist got tighter and I swear I felt his dick rub against my ass.

His hands slowly started to linger lower to my ass but I was in too much ecstasy to say anything.

“Jack, what are you doing?” I moaned as I felt his big hands start to massage my thighs, close to my center.

“Don’t worry, just relax.” He shushed me, my eyes fluttered shut listening to his soothing voice.

I felt his finger tips ghost over my clit before they dipped into my panties pushing them to the side.

“So wet, so pretty.” He spoke, mostly to himself.

His fingers slid against my wet slit before pushing into my core. My back instantly arched.

“Jack?” I questioned him.

“Just stop thinking YN, we’re gonna massage all the way to your core.” He shushed me.

“Fuck jack,” I moaned out, trying to push my pussy closer to his fingers. His other hand gripped my waist and held me down so I couldn’t move.

“You feel so tight, baby.” He hummed, slowly dragging his fingers in and out of me.

“Jack, I need more.” I barley breathed out.

“What do you want, baby?” He circled his thumb against my clit, teasing me.

“I need you, please.” I arched my back trying to get closer to him.

“What do you need, YN, come on baby, beg for my cock.”

“Please, please fuck me Jack, I can’t take it anymore.” I whined loudly.

“Good girl,” he hummed removing his fingers from me.

I whined at the loss of contact, Jack chuckled and I heard his belt unbuckling behind me.

I felt the couch dip as he got up and dropped his pants and boxers on the ground and then got back behind me.

He dragged my panties down my legs before sliding his between my folds.

“You’re so hot.” Jack groaned as he pulled my hips up so we were in doggy style position.

I felt his cock slowly slide into me, we both let out a moan at the same time.

“Holy shit,” I cried out, my face burying into the couch cushion.

His large hands gripped my hips pulling me into his thrust every time.

He felt amazing, his cock knew all the right places to hit, I could feel every inch of him being buried inside of me.

“Jack! Fuck me harder” His gripped got tighter, I swear I’ll have bruises there in the morning, he complied with my command and thrusted harder and harder into me.

“Jack..I’m no gonna last long.” I groaned, his hands left my hips and gripped onto my hair.

“Fuck Yn, me either.” He pulled my hair so I was pulled up against his body.

He quickly connected our lips and I immediately kissed back. He reached his hand around to my front, while we were still kissing, and started to circle my clit again.

“Jack,” I whispered out of breath, he nodded, assuming what I was thinking.

He pulled out of me and I climbed off the couch.

“Take your dress off.” He commanded as he pulled his shirt off too.

“No bra? You dirty girl.” He smirked watching me.

He sat down on the couch and I straddled his lap.

“You’re so beautiful.” Jack smiled as I blushed.

I took Jacks length in my hand and started to stroke it. I started slowly rocking my body, against his cock, sliding it between my folds.

He starting kissing my neck, trailing little kisses and love bites down my collar bones and boobs.

I lined him up at my entrance and sunk down onto him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled on his hair as he stretched me out.

“Fuck jack, you feel so good.” He groaned as I tugged on the hair by the nape of his neck.

His hands flew to my hips to help guide me. All you could hear was the sound of skin slapping and our moans.

“Jack, I’m so close.” I whined. My head fell into the crook of his neck. I started leaving love bites all over his neck, marking him up for everyone to see.

“Fuck YN, me too.” He breathed out, tilting his head back so I have more access.

I grinder my hips down harder as I felt the familiar knot in my stomach start to build up.

“Jack, fuck I’m cumming!” I groaned out. He smirked at me and bit my neck as I came. I kept riding him, trying to make him spill over the edge.

“Fuck YN, you gotta get off before I cum inside of you.” He tried to compose himself.

“Just do it baby, I’m on the pill.” His eyes lit up and he quickly picked me up and flipped us into missionary position.

His hips drilled so fast into me I was starting to see stars.

“Holy shit jack!” I was so sensitive.

“Fuck baby, cum again, you can do it.” His thumb flew to my clit and started to attack it.

“Jack! Jack! Fuck!” My back arched my eyes screwed shut, and my toes started to curl as he thruster harder into me. I felt myself being pushed over the edge again and I let myself go.

“Fuck that was so hot.” He threw his head back as I felt him cum inside of me. He kept thrusting, riding out our highs.

He kept himself inside of me as he pulled me up and sat back down so we were in the riding position again.

“That was amazing.” He smirked as he kissed me roughly.

“I was waiting to do that forever.” Jack groaned against my lips.

“Hey Jac- holy shit guys! About time!” Conor covered his eyes.

“Fuck off Con! Get outta here!” Jack pulled me against him so Conor couldn’t see anything.

“It’s my house too, prick.” Conor laughed as he walked down the hall into his room.

“He’s never gonna let me live this down.” I groaned burying my face into his neck.

“Oh well, something this good shouldn’t be forgotten.” Jack smirked, quickly winking at me.

youtube

I went to see Metropolis at the Arclight yesterday. I’m a fan of Fritz Lang’s films, but I’d never seen Metropolis because I wanted to see it for the first time on the big screen, and while cinema showings aren’t uncommon, this was the first time I’d ever been able to get to one. I saw the 2010 restoration, which is complete except for, I believe, just the one scene in the Cathedral, and comes with the original score. 

It’s a really strange movie to watch from ninety years on (today is the ninetieth anniversary of its first screening), especially since the film is set in about ten years’ time, and strange to watch from a culture that is both similar and wildly different. Metropolis was made in Weimar Germany in 1927, a little past the midpoint between the end of the first World War and the rise of Hitler. There’s a lot to take in – not just the art design, which is a really crazy mix of early-cinema camp and gorgeous art deco and gothic influences, but the politics of the story, which from the point of view of a hard lefty in the twenty first century is a little tough to grasp at first. (Workers rioting for their rights and smashing machines that literally and figuratively devour them is a bad thing in this movie.) Brigitte Helm, who plays the saint Maria and her wicked double, is particularly outstanding. 

And then there’s this scene, which is honestly one of the most chilling moments of any movie I’ve ever seen. Watching the Machine rise smoothly from the chair without any apparent effort or human-like leverage of the muscles is really incredible, and the Machine’s costume is literally baffling – there’s parts where I genuinely don’t understand how they built them. The special effects, for their time, hold up really well, and I spent a lot of time thinking about how I’d have liked to have seen behind-the-scenes in the costume and model shops. 

Also I almost laughed out loud at the Shift Change scene, not because it’s funny but because the rote, rhythmic movement of the end-of-shift workers is a little spoiled by the one guy in the front row who is SO OBVIOUSLY nodding along to the beat they’re playing to keep them all in rhythm offscreen. 

Anyway. If you get the chance to see Metropolis on the big screen, I’d go for it. It’s two and a half hours long, and there are definitely some scenes that could have been trimmed a little, but the film runs pretty fast and I think it’s worth it. 

Tosaki’s wedding

Haha okay so: 31.07. Day 7: rest?  | anything goes  | sun

I decided to take this day to draw Tosaki’s wedding (with his fiance, I think her name is Ai?) in a happy ending maybe…haha I don’t know it seemed like a funny idea in my mind XD and drawing all this crap was actually really fun. So this was clearly meant to be ridiculous so, what the hell? I just hope you enjoy and laugh with me at this shit I made. 

Since Ajin is such a dense manga, and I really love the characters, sometimes I just feel like I want to see them doing stupid things together… (unfortunately I didn’t think it’d be right to include Sato and the others here xd except for Tanaka, cuz he’s just a cinnamon roll). 

(Anyway I apologize for the bad quality of some drawings that are next ): when I’ve my computer fixed, I’ll make them well).

MORE RIDICULOUS STUFF BELOW! 

Keep reading

Bathe Me

Pairing: Josh/ Reader Warnings: Smut, Bath sex, Slight fluff Rating: Mature A/N: Funny backstory, this was a joke between me and my best friend and now it’s a smut.

Originally posted by lovablecouples

Your job was stressing you out more than you could’ve imagined. It seemed you couldn’t do anything right and everybody was mad at you at all hours of the day. While you were working, you decided since the store was empty, that you would just post a picture for the hell of it. You take a picture of the bath bombs that your store sold, and posted it to Twitter along with the caption, “I just want to take a bath with these. Having someone with me could be fun too. @joshuadun" You didn’t have that big of a following or any connections with Josh, so you obviously didn’t think anything of posting it. You were a mega fan of twenty one pilots, and any of your followers could attest to that. A few hours later, you’re helping the last customer before closing up, and your phone goes off. You ring them up, close and lock the store doors, and walk to your car ; finally pulling out your phone. You see a dm from Josh Dun, and immediately think it’s fake, probably someone joking with you because if the picture. However, when you open it, you notice the blue tick, indicating it’s real. Your heart does flips in your stomach as you open it, hands shaking, threatening to make you lose grip on your phone. “If the offer is still available, meet me asap at” and there was his address. Josh, fucking, Dun. You had already bought the bath bombs, figuring you’d just take your own bath and whatnot, but you weren’t going to pass this opportunity. You get in your car and drive to his place, hands gripping the wheel so tight your knuckles were turning white. The drive wasn’t too long, but you couldn’t stop your mind from racing at the fact that he actually dmed you and you were actually about to go meet him and….Whatever else ensued. You park your car and walk out, clutching your bag of bath bombs tightly to your chest, knocking on the door. It takes a few moments, but eventually the door opens, Josh’s face brightening once he realized who you were. “Hey!” He said, pulling you into a hug that lingered too long. He lets you go and you walk past him inside, the door shutting behind you. You’re speechless as your brain tries to understand what the hell was actually going on. You were in his house. You touched him. You’re going to talk to him. Take a bath with him. “So, uh, why’d you even dm me. What intrigued you to tell me to come over?” You ask, turning to face him. “Well, you’re tweet came at a perfect time, I just opened my phone and it was the first one to show up. After that, I couldn’t stop scrolling through your posts.“ He said, walking closer. You hide your face in your hands. “That’s so embarrassing” you say. He laughs. “It’s not! I like you. You’re funny, and witty. Not to mention you’re extremely attractive” he says, looking you up and down. “Ah, I’m nothing compared to you” you scoff, looking him up as well. “Don’t say that.” He starts, resting his hands on your hips. “You’re one of the hottest and prettiest girls I’ve seen.” You roll your eyes but smile at him anyways. He leads you down a hallway and then into a room, which was clearly his bathroom. The water had already been ran, so all you two really needed to do was get in. “You should put one if those bombs in” he says. You look through your bag, pulling one out that had Rose petals in it, that would turn the water red. You smirk to yourself, dropping it in the water and smile when Josh steps behind you to watch it. “Good choice” He says. You turn around to see him already down to his underwear. He steps in front of you so you can’t see his actual member, but you did catch an eyeful of his butt. He settled in, using bubbles to hide himself. “You getting in?” He asks, a new darkness now present in his voice. You look from wall to wall, feeling weird about having to strip in from of him. “I won’t look” He says, hiding behind his eyes. You turn your back to him and pull off your shirt, moving to slide down your pants. You turn back around, Josh not hiding anymore, but blatantly staring at you. You bite your lip and reach around your back, unclasping your bra and throwing it to the ground. Josh shifted in the tub, clearly turned on now, as if he hadn’t been before. You slide down your underwear, quickly getting into the tub and sliding down into it. The two of you talk for a while, getting to know each other, and you found that you couldn’t help but have a deeper infatuation for him. "I can’t believe I tweeted you and said we should take a bath together” you laugh. “I can’t either. It’s kind of weird” he says, obviously joking. But still, you mocked that you were hurt, and splashed the water at him, completely soaking him. “I’ll get you back for that one” He retaliates and splashes you back, the water overwhelming you. You start to go to splash him again, but he moves to fast and grabs your arms, pinning them above your head. The laughing dies down, but he doesn’t make an attempt to move or let go of you. Instead, he dips his head down, kissing you gently and letting your arms go. You kiss back, tangling your fingers into his hair. He was truly an amazing kisser, unbelievable, really. He moves down slowly, kissing along your jaw, your neck, your chest. He moves his hands down, spreading your legs a bit to slide two of his fingers past your entrance, the water working as a lubricant. You pull in a breath through your teeth, as he forces you to look at his face while he continues to work on you. He works his thumb over your clit, so you lean your head back and pull your lip between your teeth. As soon as it ha started, it ended. Before you could protest, he slipped his hands under each of your thighs and pulled your legs over his, positioning himself and thrusting into you. You grab onto the ledge of the tub and groan, your eyes rolling back because of his size. His thrusts were powerful and rough, and he maintained a rhythm, as if it was his entire purpose. He uses your thighs to pull you down against his thrusts, hitting you deeper than you had even thought possible. You had already been close to finishing when he was fingering you, and it was so incredibly hot still, so it felt like you were going to cum very soon. Not having wanted it to end so quickly, you push Josh back, and he slides out of you, resting on his side of the tub. “What? Did I do something wrong?” He asks, looking slightly terrified. “No. No, Josh. you didn’t” You say, moving slowly over to him through the water, a smirk clear on your face. He raises an eyebrow but soon understands what’s going on. You settle onto your knees that were on either side of him, and begin to ease yourself onto his length, as Josh rests his arms on the edge, letting you have control. Once you’re settled and adjusted to this new position, you pull off, and slam your body back down against him, causing Josh to gasp and set his hands on your hips. “Fuck, you really know what you’re doing” he laughs out, helping you meet his thrusts. You shake your head and pull his hands off of you. “Patience” You say. He groans and slowly drags his lip between his teeth, watching how your body moves against him. You continue to slowly ease off of him, and then drop yourself, taking him deeper each time. Josh looks at you in the eyes, his normal brown now nearly a shade of black. “Turn” He says. “What?” Instead of explaining, he pulls you off of him and turns you so your back is to his chest. He lowers you onto his erection, and waits for you to get back into your groove. Once you felt like you could take over again, he slides his hands to your front, taking both of your breasts into each hand, and squeezing rather harshly. You let out a soft whimper, and he lets up, beginning to massage them. You keep up your movements and lean back so your back now rests against his chest. Everything was going the same, until he mumbled something, and began thrusting upwards. You let out loud moans and groans, the feeling indescribable. While you’re bouncing yourself and he thrusts, Josh moves your hair and begins to suck on your neck, making sure to leave his mark. He moves one of his hands off of your boob, and slides it down to your front, rubbing your clit. “Yes, oh God, I’m gonna cum” You say, bouncing down harder. “Do it, I’m right behind you” He says. As soon as he finished his sentence, you also finished, and let out vulgar sounds. “Fuck, Yes, Josh” Just to name a few. It’s not long before Josh also finishes, thrusting sloppier to ride out your orgasms. After a moment. he slides out of you and pulls you back against his chest. “That was incredible” He laughs out after a few moments of silence. You curl up under his touch and wrap your arms over his that were on your waist. “Tell me about it” You say, the smile never leaving your face.

anonymous asked:

Do you think Alex ever beat herself up because she met a great guy but she just couldn't fall for him, be into him? And she was scared of being messed up and missing out on something great and she was angry with herself? She could have, right? It wouldn't have been her fault, right? And she doesn't 'deserve' to be alone forever because she can't make it work with him, right...?

He was sweet. 

Matt Capraro. 

He was sweet and he was smart and he was a decent writer.

He wrote poetry about them, when they weren’t studying.

When they weren’t in the shadowing doctors in the hospital.

He was sweet. Her med school boyfriend.

He was sweet, and he wasn’t like the guys she picked up in clubs. He was gentle with her and he didn’t shove her tongue down her throat the second they started kissing and he asked every time he took her clothes off, went slow every time he fucked her.

“He’s great,” she’d tell Eliza when Eliza would call to check up. Would call to congratulate her for balancing med school and a boyfriend. 

“Is he giving you the space you need to focus on your studies, Alex?” her mother would ask, and Alex would say yes, because yes, yes, he was. 

Because he was great. Really, he was.

“I didn’t understand why I couldn’t really fall for him,” Alex tells Maggie years later, and Maggie listens, and she doesn’t ask Alex why she dated him anyway. Because Alex will say it, when Alex is ready.

“He was funny, you know? He’d make me laugh. And that was hard to do, then. In med school. I had a rough time, you know? With the pressure, with everything. But he’d make sure I ate and he’d write me poetry.” She chuckles to herself, and Maggie grins while she swipes her thumb over Alex’s open palm, listening. Making a note to herself that Alex would like to have poetry written about them.

But then Alex’s faint smile is cracking her voice, and her tears are flooded, because she’s in love with Maggie, god, that she’s sure about, but it still shocks her.

It still shocks her, every time she realizes – more and more every day – just how much the world assuming she was straight, the world not giving her any other representation, any other options, really hurt her.

Could have killed her.

“And I tried to love him, you know? I really did.” Maggie nods softly, because she knows exactly where this is going. “I thought… I thought if I couldn’t make it work with this great guy, you know, then I didn’t deserve to make it work with anybody. Like there was something wrong with me for not being wild about him. Everyone always told me how lucky I was, you know, to have such a sweet guy, and that’s the thing. He was sweet. He wasn’t like, sweet to everyone else and then crappy to me. He was good to me. But I just couldn’t…”

She wipes her eyes with the back of her index finger and she sighs and breathes out a soft laugh, looking into Maggie’s understanding eyes.

“Now that I’m thinking of it, he reminds me a little of like… what Winn and James’s kid would be like, if they had a kid. Like, a combination of both of them. How sweet they are, how thoughtful, and smart, and loyal, you know? Don’t you dare tell either of them that.”

“Your secret’s safe with me, Danvers.”

They both smile, and Maggie kisses her hand, and Alex continues.

“I just figured, it was me, you know? That something was wrong with me, that I couldn’t be happy with him, couldn’t love him like that. He broke up with me, eventually. I think he knew. Maybe not that I’m a lesbian, but he knew I wasn’t into him like he was into me.”

She chuckles.

“Like I said: he was a good guy. But if he hadn’t… god, Maggie, I can’t imagine… I don’t know how I would have broken up with him. How I would have been brave enough to. Because I figured I had to stay with him, right, how could I hurt him when he was nothing but good to me?”

Maggie tilts her head and strokes Alex’s hair and cheek with the back of her hand, the front of her thumb.

“You would have met me anyway, Danvers. You would have met me and I would have been your friend. I would have told you that you deserve to be happy, and there’s nothing wrong with you for not being in love with him, and that you’re brave and amazing for being able to admit it, and that you deserve a full and happy life, and you’re allowed to pursue that for yourself, even if it means breaking up with someone who everyone else says should be perfect for you.”

Alex’s eyes fill with tears again, a rush of what she’d felt when she first came out to Maggie; that relief, that surge of understanding, of acceptance, of… loving herself.

Maggie smirks, then, and her voice drops just a bit.

“And then you would have broken up with him and I would have swept you off your feet with my charm and good looks.”

Alex laughs, full of love, full of the happiness she hadn’t known how to find before – full of the happiness that she now knows she deserves – as she pulls Maggie in for a kiss.

“Oh, you would have, huh?”

“Every time, Danvers. Every time.”

that one anon never got back to me about the “interesting character flaws” thing so im just gonna list some of my favorite ones and if it isnt what they wanted they can always let me know

but i think some of my favorites are

aimless - which is kind of hard to work with in a story sense but i think its something i can relate to on a personal level and i really enjoy it when authors can nail this character type while also pushing the story along

anxious - in a nicely portrayed way that doesn’t detract from a character’s worth, especially when their friends actively help them out

bad habit - especially if they’re the kind that are commonly seen as gross or unhygienic, but i think that’s just normal and people find their habits embarrassing. can’t have perfect characters all the time and you can’t tell me some of you haven’t like,,, farted out in public or picked your nose or something

flirt - i cannot for the life of me stand secondhand embarrassment, but sometimes i’ll read it anyway and nothing gives me that more than being a really bad flirt, especially in times where flirting just shouldn’t even be a thing

humorless - that awkward feeling when you just don’t understand a joke or you don’t find it funny so the people around you awkwardly laugh for you is what this reminds me of, and thus i think i find it great (did you know @witterprompts sometimes feels like they don’t have a humor???)

klutzy - and i don’t mean the cute “oops i tripped” kind of clumsy, i mean the “shoot, i just dropped our important project for this one class that accounts for half our grade and broke it” kind of clumsy

liars - i saw this one dynamic where a compulsive liar’s best friend always knew what they really meant when they couldn’t help but lie and it was pretty heartwarming of a story, but i can’t remember what it was called????

superstitious - to an extreme, like, maybe to the point of making them second guess something really important they have to do?? i don’t see too many superstitious characters around

it’s just a few, but i feel like i gave a decent amount of character flaws, so i’ll cut it there

if you’d like you can let me know what your favorite character flaws are, too

MUSINGS FROM MY MAMA.........

After stepping away from the circus today, I thought I would share a funny story that happened at lunch with my Mom, and a few friends. I can tell you that between all the laughing last week, and again today….I should have killers abs by summer!

Anyway, ya’ll know that I am from the south, and my Mother is a very southern mother. She really frowns upon swearing, and side-eyes me ( even at 54!), when I use disparaging words like idiot, which I use quite often. I asked her once what she calls these people and without batting an eyelash said “Dear…those people are misguided and a little dim-witted and cannot help it. It really is sad to be in that condition”. Southern smackdown at its finest!!

Two of my best friends joined us ( they are OL & SC fans, and are very into TW and IG), and we started talking about the show. My mother does not watch OL because she refuses to pay for a cable channel! Anyway, I told them about the new GF, and they were all WTF…complete with Mom’s side-eye! One pulled up the latest pics on the trusty I-Phone, and let’s just say they called BS immediately. One then proceeded to pull up the T2 pics and said “didn’t they just go to this?….to which I replied yes. Enter Mom…stage left.

She said, and I quote about Sam and Cait…."They are a lovely couple, and seem very much in love, even though her dress was a little tight ”….sigh. We then showed her the Piaget event, to which she frowned and said “Bless her heart…she is trying really hard isn’t she? To which we replied what do you mean, and Mama said…"Well, it looks like she is trying to get his attention by wearing that horrible outfit ( of course, she was appalled that it was white since we haven’t passed Easter yet), and said ” that man was nice enough to take a picture with her, now he needs to find that pretty wife and go home".

When I told her that it looks like he may be now dating her, my Mama did not miss a beat. She frowned at us, picked up her iced tea and said…“Well…he is an idiot”.

Here’s to the wonderful wisdom of my sweet Mama, who just proved that even people who are not on the ship, or even average fans see what we see! Ship on sweet shipsters! 🙇😍❤

Fan account of Det Går Bra

Our translator, Anna, got a chance to see Tarjei’s play in Oslo! Her account is below the cut. We want to remind people that this play is an exaggeration of truths in the actor’s lives. Tarjei is playing a ‘douchey’ version of himself etc. We do not know the extent of the truth behind his confessions in the play.

Trigger warnings for mentions of rape, please proceed with caution. 

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The Limits of Terminology

Words: ~5k

Tags: Friends to lovers. Defining the relationship.Slight mention of sex but nothing too graphic guys

Rating: Mature I guess. Cus of the sex.

Summary: Dan has referred to Phil as a lot of things over the years. Best friend. Housemate. Business Partner.

But terminology is limiting, and none of it feels like enough. How can one word encapsulate everything they mean to each other?

[AO3 Link]

Fic under the cut.

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