I was rewatching “Escape from Beta Traz” and like this fucking scene
Pidge is just like “Lance, you’re gonna need to get a scan of his face” like it’s the easiest thing in the world and if it were any other idk SANE person they would’ve at least been like “wtf pidge have you seen this guy like he’s terrifying and also how the fuck am I gonna scan HIS FACE from this distance hidden away without him fucking noticing me”
But Lance, CLASS CLOWN LANCE, just says “Copy that” and gets down to business
HE IS A SHARPSHOOTER IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE I MEAN HE REALLY ONLY HAS LIKE A 3 SECOND WINDOW TO AIM AND SCAN FROM THIS DISTANCE
HE SHOOTS THIS BLINDING ASS LIGHT WITH ZERO HESITATION AND LIKE
IN 0.00001456933 SECONDS THIS BITCH TURNS AROUND
But Lance used his fast leggys and hid himself like wtf I’m so proud of him. He is so smart and good and has amazing reflexes and is a quick thinker and doesn’t hesitate when people need him.
And he is like so relieved that he actually did the thing but doesn’t gloat or bask in his moment he just sends Pidge the face like NO PROBLEM “Face on the way Pidge” THAT WASNT RISKY AT ALL. WHATEVER. ALL IN A DAYS WORK.
MY SON GETS SHIT DONE AND THIS MISSION WOULD HAVE COMPLETELY FAILED WITHOUT HIM FOR SO MANY REASONS
Okay, but, when we send cremated remains into space do we send an explanation with them? Because I’m just picturing some aliens cracking open a satellite and being really fucking confused.
“Human guide! Our scans indicate that this probe contains a cylinder full of ash and human bone fragments. I assume this deconstruction of form is a way for your species to travel greater distances through the stars due to your limited capacity for large spaceships and distance travel. Quite similar to the Quaxilains from the Centuri district of the galaxy, though I did not know your species had reached such advancements yet. Please instruct us in how to revive your colleague so we may interrogate him as well.”
“No, dude, whoever that was is dead. Probably some astronaut or scientist who paid to have their cremated remains shot into space once they died.”
“You told us that your species buried your dead, why did you lie to us?”
“No, I said that MY family buried our relatives. Never said the whole species did it. Sometimes we burn them, then scatter their ashes in places they loved, plant them with a tree, use them to make diamonds, shoot them into space, whatever. Lotta options.”
“I had no idea your death rituals were so…extensive.”