Hanamaki jolts awake to the sound of screaming coming from Iwaizumi and Matsukawa’s shared bedroom.
He glances at the obnoxiously bright red numbers on his alarm clock. 3:43am. Fucking hell.
“Speaking of which,” Hanamaki tiredly grumbles as he pounds on the wall. “It’s 4am! We all have work tomorrow! So stop fucking and go to bed already!”
The screaming stops and Hanamaki silently thanks whoever’s out there watching over him as he flops himself back down into his pillow. If it was that easy, why didn’t he do it weeks ago?
“Oh good, he’s awake!” He hears Matsukawa exclaim from the other side of the wall.
His eyes snap open in fear. He regrets ever moving in with them.
He can also make out the stomping of feet in the hallway leading to his room, and he’s internally screaming when he hears his door handle jiggling and slams open to reveal–
“Wake up bitch!”
The overhead light is suddenly flicked on and Hanamaki actually starts screeching and yanks the covers over his head to block his poor defenseless eyes from the brightness.
“Mattsun what the fuck!” He yells out hoarsely. He lowers the blanket a little to let most of his face peek out at him.
“We got- Hajime’s cousin—“ Matsukawa stutters excitedly as he waves his hands around, his phone in one of them. “She just sent us a photo!”
Hanamaki simply blinks, completely straight-faced as he rolls over from him and pulls the covers over his head again. “Photo of what.”
He yelps when Matsukawa bends over him to look at his blanket-covered face, holding out his phone for Hanamaki to look at.
“Matsu I swear to god if this is a fucking scare prank—“
Glancing at the photo with sleep-heavy eyes, he glares at Matsukawa’s stupidly excited face and closes his eyes in frustration. “So you came in here at 4 fucking am screaming and turned on the equivalent to the sun in my room that nearly blinded me just to show me a picture of a stupid little bean?” He huffs in disbelief.
Matsukawa snorts loudly. Hanamaki cringes a little. “Nooo, Makki. It’s not a stupid little bean; it’s mine and Hajime’s perfect little bean.”
His and Hajime’s… what?
“Well, technically mine—“
“What?” Hanamaki says, rolling over to face him, squinting his eyes.
Feet walking down the hallway can be heard, and Iwaizumi waddles in sleepily, eyes completely shut. Hanamaki thinks it’s cute.
“Shut up, don’t call me cute.” Hanamaki didn’t even realize he’d blurted that out. “And Issei, I dunno why you’re yelling at 4 in the morning,” he cuts himself off with a yawn. “but couldn’t that wait until tomorrow morning?”
“It is tomorrow morning,” both Matsukawa and Hanamaki reply at the same time.
His eyes are still closed but Hanamaki can tell he’s rolling them. “Shut up,” he repeats, “it’ll be tomorrow morning when I wake up. Again.”
“…Anyway,” Hanamaki says, changing the subject, “why did your dumb husband come in here to show me a picture of a bean?”
“Bean?” Iwaizumi scrunches his eyebrows curiously, cracking open an eye to gaze at Matsukawa’s phone.
Hanamaki pushes himself up to rest on his elbows as Matsukawa shows him his phone. Iwaizumi rubs his eyes and blinks them open, squinting against the brightness. They grow wide as he examines the picture; Hanamaki swears they started filling with tears.
“Does this mean…?” Iwaizumi whispers to Matsukawa, whose biting his lip and nodding excitedly. “Oh my god.”
Hanamaki is still completely confused. “Give me the phone.”
Matsukawa hands it to him and he looks at it again, actually scrutinizes it this time, and his eyes fully open in surprise.
It’s a sonogram. And that “stupid little bean” is gonna be his best friends’ baby.
The room is silent for a few moments, save for Iwaizumi’s loud sniffing and when Hanamaki’s hand shoots into the air as he yells, “DIBS ON GODFATHER.”
“Nope,” both Matsukawa and Iwaizumi say in unison.
“Just for calling them a stupid little bean,” Matsukawa says as he walks out of the room with Iwaizumi, not even turning off the light, “you’re not gonna be their uncle.”
The door shuts and Hanamaki flops back down into his pillow.