not our boat

Submitted by @ihavenotfallenyet 

If swimmers scare aliens what about rowers holy shit like we literally carry our boats above our heads, some teams are at such an even height they can just set it on their shoulders and not have to hold it or anything. Plus the rowing machines, man. Those are killer, we’re basically told that we really did a good job if we puke at the end of practice or even a race. Plus sometimes we do relays just for fun and that’s honestly really difficult since you gotta get off the machine, try not to die, and the other person has to scramble to get on and pick up where you left off and then like 1000 meters later it’s your turn again. And in those cases if someone can’t finish their portion the next person in line finishes that portion and their own without hesitation.

And oh my god aliens would FREAK if they saw a rower catch a crab like. There are 3 kinds of crabs. The first is one easily righted and doesn’t disturb the rhythm much at all. The second is an overhead crab, that’s when your oar goes over your head and you’re forced to lie back or get your face smacked by the handle (but don’t you dare let go of your oar that is a huge No No). And the third is my favorite to watch. We call them ejector crabs. As you can probably guess, they’re when you’re literally knocked out of the boat by your oar. Go look some up on YouTube you won’t regret it. Rowers are hardcore.

(Context: I’m the DM and our players had to figure out how to distract a fisherman to steal his boat. Our Mage had to seduce him, much to the Warrior’s dismay (they’re dating). Anyway, our Rogue and Warrior don’t get along, so this happens)

Rogue: (OOC) Man I wish I could just whip out a camera and record this so I could show (Warrior) whenever he’s pissing off my character!
Me: (being funny) If you roll higher than a 15, you get to invent the camera and record this situation.
Rogue: *rolls a 16*

Our Rogue invented the camera just to piss off our Warrior in ten seconds.

my family has lived in and around Chicago literally since we got off our various boats in the 20th century, which means that any time I spend time with my relatives, I come away with half a dozen Uniquely Chicago™ stories. For example:

  • My great-uncle was a cop until he was shot by a bootlegger in the 1920s; the bootlegger fled to California and was arrested on a low-level charge, but he bragged about shooing a Chicago cop to his cell mate. After being shipped back to Chicago for prosecution, he bribed a judge and got off—-and my grandfather still has this bootlegger’s obituary, because great-uncle was his favorite brother and he really hates the son of a bitch bootlegger.
  • My maternal grandparents lived on the west side—between church and Catholic schools, everybody knew everybody. My grandfather claims that there were certain streets he could go from diner to bar to movie theater to diner without paying a cent, because they were worked and owned by his friends.
  • My paternal grandfather taught night classes at the University of Chicago, even when he was almost blind from diabetes. Rather than inform the administration and risk losing his job, he memorized all his lectures and picked one kid who sat in the front row (and therefore who he could see) to always call on.
  • My second uncle (once removed? twice? some sort of uncle) was attending seminary at Loyola when the Playboy Club and Whiskey-a-Go-Go were directly across the street. He and the other priests-in-training used to bum cigarettes off the girls working there.
  • My great-aunt’s father once stumbled home from the bar so drunk that he fell asleep in the front yard in the middle of Chicago in February. He developed frostbite, infection, and had to have one of his legs amputated. For the rest of his life, my great-aunt was in charge of playing cards with him until his pills kicked in.
  • Almost all of my aunts knew John Wayne Gacy. He was the visiting clown at the hospital where they did their nursing practicum.
Our country

Context: at LARP with my friends, talking about our house’s government system to another house lord. (We have a GoT house system and we are a desert house)

Lady of the house: We have an excellent economy. Grand Viser Saki is great account.

Other Lord: Saki is a DOG! Whatever position you have, you get the worst person for it!

Our Dryad Ranger: Yeah, we’ve got a dog handling our currency, a wizard making our boats out of metal- WAIT​! We should make him (me, the Witch Hunter) our magic supervisor!

Our wizard: Yes! He’s now the Magic Marshall! You ever seen “Fire Marshall Bill”?

Me: Okay, I’m definitely on board now.

Shocked Shark by Will Clark / Underwater Photographer of the Year 2016

“This juvenile blue shark was the first to arrive at our boat after an hour of chumming. We were alerted to its presence by the bobbing of a small buoy which had fresh mackerel tied to it. I leaned over the side of the boat with my camera housing not quite fully submerged as the skipper tried to coax the shark nearer to the boat. He got the blue very close to me, and then just at the last moment he whipped the bait out of the water, which got this reaction from the shark.”

FBI Camren Shippers on Twitter right now:

hahahahahahahaahaha

I’m dying with it…. cuz Camila could be with anyone… Sinu, Sofi, Alejandro, Taylor Swift, Madonna, Britney…. I don’t know… but she really likes the mystery, huh??? That thing could be absolutely normal IF Camila wanted to show us who was on the bed with her. Camila loves when we get delusional!

I think Camila wants to make our boats float again.

Originally posted by bandathebillie

Let’s wait!

Onlookers line up to watch the annual sacrifice of the baby boats to the sea pyramid™ to avoid her wrath. This sacrifice is necessary to continue the safety of the United States of America, for if we do not sacrifice our baby boats to the sea pyramid™ every year, her wrath will see the destruction of our great country. 

There will be nothing we can do to stop the sea pyramid™ if we do not continue these sacrifices.

Zach Dempsey x Reader | Paradise

A/N: As requested by Anon. Hope you all enjoy it ! One more imagine request to go. I’m currently not taking any requests until I finish write mid term finals. Be sure to like and follow for more. Feedback is always appreciated. Much love .xx

Warning: minor sexual content

Originally posted by ithereckless

Here I was, living life in paradise with my boyfriend Zach Dempsey. We were currently spending spring break together in Malé, Maldives. It was quite the dream to be on a beautiful island with a hot boyfriend. You must be wondering how it all started off, well, here goes the story.

It all started about 2 years ago, I was an average student, I did well in all my subjects except for Biology. Science wasn’t my favourite subject then again, that was until my Biology teacher had assigned Zach to tutor me. It felt weird at first that a jock was coming over to my place or I was going over to his for our 2 hour tuition session.

I wasn’t used to this kind of thing, that is being around someone who is known to be popular. I’m a quiet person until you get to know me then only do I reveal my bubbly side. I never spoke to guys in a hurry at school other than Clay since he was the first one who wasn’t a pervert. My thoughts about Zach changed after seeing him for 5 sessions. He was really helpful, he knew his stuff and well, in a way I’m sure you would all agree that when you have a hot person around you it’s good motivation.

That 5th session of seeing him changed everything. We had just finished and as I was packing away my stuff I could feel his stare on me but chose to ignore it. “Thanks again Zach” I said. I stood up throwing my bag on my shoulder and walked to his door. He followed close behind me “Anytime” he said and walked me out. I was just leaving “Bye” I waved him off. “Wait” he stopped me. “What’s wrong ?” I asked. He placed his lips on mine which I hadn’t seen coming, after taking in what was going on, it didn’t take me long to kiss back. It felt good. “I’ve always wanted to do that” he said when we stopped to take a breath. That was the start to Zach and I’s relationship.

I thought for a change that Zach and I should go some place different this year for spring break. We’re always at home or doing the usual movie dates but this time our 2 year anniversary was around the corner. I thought we might as well do something exciting and different for a change. I told Zach about my idea which he was perfectly fine with just the 2 of us going, we had agreed on going to Maldives.

My parents were fine with me going since they trust Zach and they like him too. Zach’s mom didn’t have a problem either since she knew he was going with me and not with bad company.

I’m glad packing for me wasn’t that hard because all I needed was a few t-shirts, shorts, a dress, bikinis and swimsuits with just 3 pairs of shoes. I had packed at least 2 days before so over time I remember what last minute items to put into my bag.

We waved off our parents one last time then went through security and passport control. Zach and I weren’t in the mood to eat so we just decided to wait at the gate. It only started boarding an hour later. The line to board wasn’t that bad since it moved fast, Zach had a window seat as I sat in the middle. When they had announced that the flight would take off shortly, the joy had come to me because their was a vacant seat next to me which means more sleep. After we had taken off I picked up both armrests and laid my head on Zach’s lap - growing up, I could never sleep the night before a flight I guess because of the adrenaline rush - the flight was 20 hrs and 30 mins anyway so I should get more than enough rest.

Finally landing in Maldives, we took a boat to our resort, then after reaching we had checked in and might I say this place was absolutely breathtaking. I don’t feel like leaving here. Zach and I left our luggage as it was, we took a walk to the beach which was literally less than 10m away from our room. We just stood where the singers were and admired the view and surroundings. Clear water and white sand, can this get any better ?

“Okay we can’t afford to waste anymore time, I’m going to change” I blurted and started walking back to our room. “I’ll meet up with you in a few” he said. I tossed my suitcase on our bed and pulled out the first bikini I could find. It was a classic black bikini with a few cut outs on either side of the underwear. I discarded my clothes and had on my bikini bottom and top. Just tying off my bikini top, I couldn’t get the back straps to tie. “Woah baby girl. Are we celebrating our honeymoon later ?” He whistled and walked up behind me, he moved my hair onto my shoulder and tied off my back. “You wish” I turned to give him a quick kiss on his cheek. “Ready ?” I asked looking him up and down. All he had to do was take off his shirt. So simple.

We walked back hand in hand, I took a few steps onto the wet sand to see how cold it is and to my luck the temperature wasn’t bad at all. I then jogged until the water had reached my hips, “Are you getting in or what ?” I asked him. He grinned and took slow steps, when he was at arms length away from me I started splashing the water at him. I knew then I had to run for my life. He literally caught me just when I could turn to run “Theirs no running away from me now” he said and threw me over his shoulder. “Zach pit me down” I whined and started kicking my legs and hitting his back with my fists. “Nah I rather have you dangling like this” he laughed “Of course you do, you’re enjoying the view aren’t you ?” I rolled my eyes.

The next thing I was in contact with the water, Zach had thrown me in. I ran my fingers through my hair to move it away from the face “How dare you ?” I murmured, I was freezing. “What was that ?” He cupped his hand around his ear pretending he didn’t hear me. Haha really funny. The boy thought its going down tonight, well it would’ve if he hadn’t done this. Payback time is on. I was hoping to just relax but thanks to Zach my plans are now all ruined. “You think this is funny ?” I raised an eyebrow and walked passed him to our room. He followed close behind me “Yeah I do actually” he said and started laughing again.

I went to our outdoor shower and ran the water, standing underneath it with my back facing Zach. I slowly loosened the strings of my bikini, I started with my top by loosening my neck and then mid back. My hands trailed down to my bottoms and pulling both strings at the same time leaving the bikini to fall off. Now stood in front of Zach was a naked (Y/N). I felt his stare on my ass “Oh I see where this is going” he smirked. With the water still running over me, I cupped my breasts and turned to face Zach. His jaw dropped. “Look all you want baby because you can see but you can’t touch” I said, then squeezed my breasts and leaving them free. My hands trailed down to my core and slowly back up to my breasts.

I closed the tap and ran my hands through my hair, grabbing the near by towel to cover my self, I stood in front of a horny Zach “Happy Early Anniversary babe ” I said and gave him a peck on the cheek.

craigsdicks  asked:

hi randy i'm visiting florida next week do you know where they keep the manatees? thanks

They try to get buddy buddy with our boat any time we pass under the bridges in charlotte harbor

aperturebots  asked:

Headcanon that Kaz gets bored after SoC and CK takes place because those were the best puzzles of his life and he got such a rush out of seeing them take place. After that, he feels like everything is dull and boring and depressing. "Sure I COULD rob the bank, but it's too EASY. What if we tried to... Scam the Council of Tides?" And Wylan and Jesper are to the side like "NO. WE ARE NOT SCAMMING THE COUNCIL OF FUCKING TIDES."

honestly he…. totally would

I mean, what could top everything he did in soc/ck?? when’s the next time he’ll get to that big a scale. he was dealing with an international scheme of epic proportions when will he eVER do that again 

I think he’d start off small though and try to slowly cause his own problem

“oh, how could I have known the last three businessmen I’ve disposed of also have captured the attention of the council of tides. what a coincidence.”

“what, that shipment was meant as a gift for the council? what a shame the man in charge of it docked the boat in our territory.”

and eventually he’s just. casually screwing them over 

but not enough to get himself killed

… yet