not oranjee

Not Oranjee-An Excerpt from the Fault in Our Stars

My dad: “Emily, this riscotto…”
My mom: “It’s just delicious.”
Gus’s mom: “Oh, thanks.  I’d be happy to give you the recipe.”
Gus, swallowing a bite: “You know, the primary taste I’m getting is not-Oranjee.”
Me: “Good observation, Gus.  This food, while delicious, does not taste like Oranjee.”
My mom: “Hazel.”
Gus: “It tastes like…”
Me: “Food.”
Gus: “Yes, precisely.  It tastes like food, excellently prepared.  But it does not taste, how do I put this delicately…?”
Me: “It does not taste like God Himself cooked heaven into a series of five dishes which were then served to you accompanied by serveral luminous balls of fermented, bubbly plasma while actual and literal flower petals flaoted down all around your canal-side dinner table.”
Gus: “Nicely phrased.”
Gus’s father: “Our children are weird.”
My dad: “Nicely phrased.”