She leaned forward and caught at his hand, pressing it between her own. The touch was like white fire through his veins. He could not feel her skin only the cloth of her gloves, and yet it did not matter. You kindled me, heap of ashes that I am, into fire. He had wondered once why love was always phrased in terms of burning. The conflagration in his own veins, now, gave the answer.
Golden maknae his ass. How could he be worth of that title when he couldn’t even get his voice to not crack in the high notes? When he couldn’t even get one simple dance move right? Hoseok said it was okay, the choreo was really hard, but deep down he knew he was expecting more from him. Everyone was.
It got worse when he dropped Jimin on the ground during a no more dream’s rehearsal for a concert – the terrible sound of his hyung’s body hitting the ground still resounding on his ears. They had done that a million times over – he had never dropped Jimin once –, but it seemed like his mental state was affecting his physical strength and everything was just so damn shitty.
From this day forward, he kept working on gym nonstop, wanting– no, needing to be stronger. However, each day spent in front of those glass mirrors was only useful to make him even more aware of all his flaws. All the imperfections on his body and face he wasn’t allowed to have.
The pressure was growing bigger within each day until it hit a point he couldn’t take anymore. He missed his mother, missed his family, his house – he missed the days he just felt normal and not like an useless burden to everyone around him.
He knew his members, and even the managers, were going easy on him because he was younger – that’s why he also knew he wasn’t allowed to feel that way he was feeling. He wasn’t, but what could he do when the pain was only growing bigger evey day? He was already trying to hide it as much as he could from the hyungs, not wanting to be a stupid kid sticking around their shoes, but he just couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t and it fucking hurt, but it was also refreshing when the tears washed his cheeks, simultaneously warm and blazing.
He was alone. Alone and weak in the dance studio, his inner demons pulling up a battle, but there was something relaxing about it. Everyone was already home, so it was okay. He could cry. At least for one night. He could, right? No one had to know.
But Jungkook belatedly realized – in a pent up breath of shock and shame washing over him –, he wasn’t really alone when Jimin appeared with a towel around his neck, black hair still soaked from shower. There was no way he could hide himself behind the couch, or dig a whole in the ground to bury himself there. There was also no way Jimin wouldn’t realize the reddish skin around his bruised eyes, from too many harsh rubs. He had no way out so he just accepted his fate and silently fought a sob. He could only wish Jimin wouldn’t see him in the poorly lit room.
“Jungkook-ah?!” Maybe not that day. “What are you doing over there?”
Jungkook heard him getting closer, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up, too embarrassed to show his hyung how much of failure he was.
“Jungkookie?” Jimin crouched down in front of him and it was when he realized it, concern spreading over his face in a second, “Oh my god, what happened?! Hey, Jungkookie! Look at me…” Jimin kept searching for his eyes worriedly, but Jungkook just couldn’t. He couldn’t because he was trying so hard to not break, but Jimin’s voice had the contrary effect on him. It kept him on the verge from falling and– he just couldn’t. “Jungkook…” Jimin reached for the younger’s cheeks and it wasn’t like electricity, but it was like fire, Jungkook’s skin instantly burning from the touch. A sob escaped from his lips and it was all it took for Jimin to pull him closer in the tightest hug he had ever received.
It was so warm and comfortable it made Jungkook completely forget why he was holding back in the first place. He smelled like washed clothes, soap, and most important of it all, he smelled like home.
Suddenly, Jimin’s shoulder was completely wet with Jungkook’s tears, but he didn’t seem to mind it, dragging the younger further onto his lap, tight arms around him trying to build the safest shelter he could ever.
Seeing Jungkook cry was definitely the most heartbreaking thing Jimin had ever gone through.
When the boy stopped shaking under his touch, Jimin slided his hand into his hair, drawing soothing circles with his thumb on the back of his neck. He leaned against the wall – Jungkook’s body still glued to his chest –, and waited. He wasn’t going to say anything – Jungkook was, if he needed to.
Jimin just wanted him to know he was there for him, nevertheless.
“I’m no good, hyung…” it came some seconds later, his body shrinking within each word, “I don’t know why y'all keep telling me that I am, ‘cause I’m not.” Jungkook sniffled, and Jimin searched for his hand to intertwine their fingers. “I let you fall, hyung.” The maknae hid his face in the crook of Jimin’s neck, tears overflowing from his eyes once again. “I hurt you, how can y'all even say I’m good enough after this…”
Jimin closed his eyes, throwing his head back; searching for words to say. “You know…” he started, squeezing Jungkook’s fingers on his, “Remember when I entered the group? The first day I arrived? I was so nervous I couldn’t even sleep. I heard all of you had been chosen for a company or two, but only bang pd-nim had wanted me so I was really insecure. I worked the shit out of me to keep up, because I kept thinking I was not worthy. I’m not going to be an hypocrite, I still think like this sometimes. We all do. But in one particular day… Ah, I was terrible, Jungkook. I was feeling insecure and homesick, and all the bad things at once. I couldn’t stop feeling like a real trash, but…” Jimin giggled and Jungkook felt a little tug on his heart, “You appeared in the middle of the night with bedhair and a pillow, whispering 'hyung, can I sleep here?’ Do you remember?”
“Yes…” his voice sounded muffled against the skin of Jimin’s neck.
“It was the first time we had ever shared a bed, but you kept talking about that game you were addicted to and about that favorite character of yours, and… eventually about how I reminded you of him. His coolness and such.” Jimin laughed again. “Aish, I felt so warm and relaxed that night I couldn’t quite believe it. I don’t know where I’m going with this, really, it just– You felt more than just enough that night, Jungkook-ah. For me.” Jimin slightly blushed, but he didn’t find the time to bother, “I know feeling like you’re no good sucks, but… You are. Really. You are way more than that, and not only for me.” Jungkook pulled away just enough to look Jimin in the eyes, which got the older to instinctively brush his fingers through the messy strands of hair sticking to his forehead, shoving them backwards to hesitantly place a soft kiss on it. He kept his mouth on Jungkook’s skin while murmuring, trying to ignore his heart violently knocking against his ribcage, “Take this things out of your mind, please… I can’t even bring myself to imagine spending a single day without you.” Jimin leaned down, touching their foreheads and drowning into Jungkook’s eyes – their hands still clasped together, only a breath apart between them “How can you be possibly not enough?”
Thinking about Aaron as a Sugden, more than Robert as a Dingle, brings me to my knees for some reason? The Sugdens were pretty thin on the ground even after Ryan came to the show as Robert. But they literally could not have picked a more iconic villager to join their flimsy ranks. They truly won the lottery when Aaron fell for their wayward son. That Aaron Dingle will forever be part of the legendary/historic Sugden Fam does things to me. Things I can't even explain. I bet Robert feels the same!
cool well my heart aches and stuff because of this whole ask but that’s fine that’s fine
I know the pictures aren’t the best, but the story is.
Someone was doing a puzzle in the bathtub. That’s when this cutie pie comes in. Toby leans over to see what they’re doing… And he falls into the bathtub!