I spent yesterday questioning any action I did on here. Afraid that anything I posted or liked or reblogged would be scrutinised.
So here are my final words on this subject.
I can adapt to any life changes Gillian makes because first and foremost I admire her as an actor and as a human being.
I do not like PM, just as I didn’t much care for Julian. From simple observation I think they share the same heavy handed manipulative personalities. I may be completely off beam. I may grow to love PM but for the time being, I don’t like the man. I’m not a fan of bananas either so I tend to avoid eating them. That doesn’t mean that everyone else should avoid eating them also.
I am loyal to Gillian but I do not class myself as a blinkered obsessed ‘super fan’ who has her on a pedestal and thinks she can do no wrong. Because people have flaws. They fuck up on occasion and she is no different. Unfortunately, given her position in life, when she fucks up, it becomes newsworthy. That doesn’t mean she should be protected by fans. When it isn’t your fuck up, you don’t have to take the reactions of others to heart because I repeat - it’s not your fuck up and so doesn’t affect you on any real-life level.
Repeat the above paragraph but insert David’s name. Because he has the capacity to fuck up too!
People have flaws. People judge based on those flaws and I don’t believe there is a single person in this fandom who isn’t smugly sanctimonious and meting out judgement in some way or another right now.
Whether you are judging Gillian, or judging people for judging Gillian or even judging the people judging those who are judging Gillian, the mechanism is the same and if you can’t see that, there are also people judging you for being a hypocrite!
But I do not want to feel I should be censored with regards to what I post, like, reblog or participate in on my own blog.
So I am drawing my own line. I will still share Gillovny sweetness, I will still rejoice in the accomplishments (both past and future) of both David and Gillian and I will still support my tumblr friends even if I might not always share their point of view.
In short I will not become someone I’ve never been just to appease a few loud voices in this fandom who feel the need to protect grown adults who are more than capable of protecting themselves.
Like I say, I’m drawing a line. Because I’m mostly here for the shits and giggles not the drama. Leave the drama to those who seem to thrive on it.
I’ll often go to blogs which I know reblog from me often, search my name, and read through all my original posts on their blog, because I am just that obsessed with myself. If they have a large and interesting selection, I find my opinion of them improves, albeit only marginally. People who like my writing have good taste, and I appreciate good taste.
someone: haha why are you so obsessed with *insert show/book series/film/etc)
me, internally: because throwing myself into something allows me to briefly forget the constant depression misery and sadness i suffer through every day and when i marathon things my self hatred sometimes starts to disappear because i forget that i’m a real person who exists in the real world. my obsessions help me to cope when i feel like i’m about to explode or cry or scream or all of those at once and once i get into something i barely think of anything else for weeks which is a very unhealthy coping tactic but hey it helps so
you all need to think about how you interact with trans men online, like really think
recently one of my posts about being a trans man and casually interacting with another trans man got about 90,000 notes and the tags and comments are full of ‘too pure for this earth’, ‘i’m a dirty sinner i don’t deserve to read this post’, ‘adorable cute sweet precious boys’ despite the fact that it’s mentioned that i am in college and not a child in the post and you all need to think about how some trans men do not want to be referred to that way and being okay with being referred to that way is pretty much exclusively a young teenager tumblr thing that makes a lot of guys uncomfortable. i’m just a man. none of this is necessary and it’s very performative, but…
along with this infantilizing, with this obsession with the proposed purity of another man and myself just for existing, there’s also dehumanization that comes with it, for example:
somewhere along the post, someone decided it would be a good idea to add, ‘all i can imagine is two eldritch horrors trying to get their voices as horrifying and fucked up as possible’ (not exact quote but that’s the gist of it)…
and someone decided that it would be a good idea to take my experience, wildly change the context and make a FANFIC, on MY OWN POST, of two eldritch MONSTERS upset because their voices didn’t sound ‘as horrific’ as the ‘monsters’ around them, and bonding over it together. nowhere in this fanfiction was being trans mentioned.
this is, quite possibly, the most horrifying thing someone has added to one of my posts and going beyond dehumanizing my experiences as a trans man enjoying my voice getting deeper, but also writing a fanfiction onto the post that changed the context of ‘two trans men finding validation between one another and our voices’ into ‘two monsters are sad they’re not scary enough and bond over trying to be scary together’. i shouldn’t have to explain how horrible that is for me to read, and how horrible it is to see that added on my own post & circulated through hundreds with no criticism.
quite frankly, it’s devastating to see how people talk about and interact with trans men. we are either children who must be protected and are weak and vulnerable and ‘too pure’, or we are fuel for your fanfics that completely strip us of our humanity. i consent to neither and if you think that any of these things are okay to do to a complete stranger, all you’re doing is patting yourself on the back for your performative ally points while making trans men uncomfortable with sharing their experiences and talking about their lives and trying to be happy with themselves. stop it.
I can’t wait for the moment when Escalus realizes he wants to be with Rosaline and doesn’t care about being prince and she’s going to be all up in Benvolio’s arms because she found a man that actually treats her right™
‘You mean you don’t like getting rejected, when you’re in love.’
I meant what I said.
The thing about me is that…
My personality… it borderlines on the obsessive. I become a specter to myself. I haunt myself, with my obsessions. The most minute thing, if it peaks my interest, can captivate me to the point of gross consumption.
And I’ve accepted that about myself, even if I haven’t learned to love it.
I obsess over a book, then the world that book is set in. I’ll seek out everything. I’ll uncover, everything. Nothing is safe…
If it peaks my interest.
The C.I.A might find me formidable.
This extends to the most obscure and most exiguous article in a film… in a song– to a living,