not now lyrics


how they know i needed a new album to drag me outta this episode tbh like……. it’s been two months and fob has made it bearable, and just when the energy to throw myself into it has died down they do THIS SHIT like…… listen yall if it were not for fall out boy i would not be here, doubtless, i have been so Not Good for so goddamn long and it’s good i got into them now when i needed to the most, when i needed these lyrics the most, and their history with dealing with mental illness the most, and Patrick being so, so similar to me in a way that allows me to give myself love in a weird, roundabout way through loving him so much–if i did not have this two months ago i would not have survived, i am telling you, and it’s still not good but when i’m sad i stick in my headphones, and when i’m alone i record songs, and when i need to smile i look through my sunshine child tag, and it’s enough, it’s enough to get through the day till the next day and the next, and maybe i can survive till they release the purple album, and maybe i can survive till they start touring again, and maybe i can see them in concert, and maybe that’ll add a few more months to a life i don’t want, and it’ll be okay.

i know a person shouldn’t be a coping mechanism, and i know a band isn’t an anchor and that people change and ultimately i might end up disappointed and bitter and upset with myself for ever thinking–but that is not now, and right now i need something to hold on to, and for, and it happens to be fall out boy, and i refuse to apologize for that because…. i am so tired i just need something, something, please.


But if you feel like I feel
Please let me know that it’s real
You’re just too good to be true
Can’t take my eyes off of you

It’s still the 25th where I am so… one last happy birthday pic for Vitya!