not my greatest work

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For my birthday, Work Squish got me this ridiculous vintage cookbook (copyright 1963) because we’ve talked a few times about how I’m trying to be better about making actual food. Thought I’d share some of the ridiculous, hilarious, and horrifying things about it. Click on the pictures for snarky commentary!

Also, not gonna lie, as I was paging through this I was definitely thinking “oh, hey, old-timey recipes and cooking with gelatin - bet @copperbadge would get a kick out of this!”

Halftime Show*

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Chris and Reader have some naughty time together during the Super Bowl halftime show.
Word Count: 1.8k
Genre: NSFW/SMUT
Warnings: Swearing and unprotected sex. [Wrap your wang before you bang.]
Author’s Note: Might not be my greatest work since I wrote it in a hurry, but I couldn’t pass up this opportunity. Congrats to the Pats, by the way.

Originally posted by chrisxchrisxchris

“C'mon, you can do better… don’t fuck this one up, guys!” Chris yelled, clapping his hands as if he was the coach. “Don’t you dare to do this to us!”

Proud yelling, muttered cursing and stressed screaming everywhere around you in the VIP area of the stadium. The fans sitting, standing or jumping roared their stress out as your team was in a difficult time. The halftime was fast approaching and the Patriots struggled, facing the seemingly glorious Falcons.

“Don’t freak out. Relax, big boy,” you soothed, rubbing your boyfriend’s tensed back as he tapped his foot on the floor.

“How can we relax, Y/N?!” Scott, his brother told you and you rolled eyes, mentally noticing him he wasn’t helping at all.

Keep reading

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Edward Elric and his bad taste

anonymous asked:

I know it's fashionable to hate shakespeare for being a white cis male shitlord but calling his work trashy just displays your ignorance. there are reasons he still gets studied in school hundreds of years later. the man basically invented the english language as we speak it today.

I don’t hate Shakespeare. 

I love Shakespeare. 

In my opinion, the greatest disservice anyone can do to his work is to elevate it to some kind of highbrow high art literary thing. The reason he’s studied today is that his plays endured (plus or minus some changes in fashion over the centuries), and the reason his plays endured is because they were popular, and the reason his plays were popular is because he crammed them full of stuff that people wanted; i.e., lots of jokes focusing on the less refined features of the human anatomy and the things they get up to.

Perhaps you’ve had it explained to you that Hamlet’s talk of “country matters” was an uncouth pun, and his reply in the same conversation of “nothing” was a similar reference. Did you think that was a one-off thing? 

If you’re aware that “nothing” was a euphemism for the vulva in Shakespeare’s England, have you ever stopped to marvel at the sheer audacity, the sheer brass somethings that a man would have to have to name a play Much Ado About Nothing?

Translate that into modern-modern English, and you’d get something like Everybody’s Up In Arms About Pussy. Though you’d lose the pun on “nothing/noting” in doing so… yes, that’s how far from highbrow Shakespeare is. He made the title of his play a triple pun.

And yes, Much Ado is not one of the Bard’s more serious works to begin with… but then, what is? We divide Shakespeare’s plays up into tragedies and comedies based on the dramatic convention of which ones have a happy ending versus a sad one, but they are all comedies in the modern sense of “things you go to expecting to laugh”. The country/nothing lines come from Hamlet. Heck, Hamlet is hilarious throughout. Any scene with Polonius in it is guaranteed to be comedy gold. 

Of course, the people who want to call Shakespeare highbrow are probably the people who quote him in all blustering sincerity when he says “to thine own self be true”… or funnier still, when they paraphrase him as saying that “brevity is the soul of wit”.

Of course, hands down, my favorite bit in Hamlet is when he’s giving instructions to the players that basically amount to William Shakespeare pre-emptively bringing up every stereotype of Serious Shakespearean Acting we have today and saying, “This. This thing. Do not do this thing.”

Anyway, let’s talk about the idea that he “invented the English language”; e.g., he created so many hundreds of new words. Okay, well, first of all, we don’t know how many he invented. We just know there are words and usages of words for which the texts of his plays are the earliest surviving example. The thing is, all those words evidently made sense to his audience.

There’s a post that goes around Tumblr listing some of the words credited to Shakespeare, and one of them is “elbow”. The commentary attached to this post basically boggles over the idea that nobody in the English world had a name for “the bendy part of an arm” until an actor gets up on stage and says “elbow”, and everybody’s like, “Oh, yeah, that’s what it is.”

Except it didn’t happen like that. The noun elbow isn’t what is attributed to Shakespeare; the verb to elbow (as in “elbowing someone aside”) is. His character took a noun and used it to describe an action. That’s not a highbrow creation of language as some sort of received wisdom handed down from authority. That’s naturalistic language use. 

Even if he was the first person to describe the act of “elbowing someone”, it caught on because it worked, because it made sense to vernacular speakers of English. 

So many of his words fit this model: they are butchered foreign words, they are slangy applications of English words, they are colorful metaphors or synecdoches. In short, he was writing in what we call “Buffyspeak”. If he had an unusual talent for doing it memorably, it still ultimately worked because it reflected the language of the time.

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Holy crow, would you look at that?? A comic! Finished this self-indulgent baby up because I was feeling not-so-nice.

eheh, based on a conversation with @baevid-sylvian !! > w <

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